Average Joe in Bullet Hell
by Magnificent Sasquatch
Summary: Follow the misadventures of a shameless semi-self-insert as he attempts to make heads or tails of this new crazy world and its even crazier inhabitants! There is fantabulous adventure to be had!
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome, welcome, one and all to my first story on this site! I am known to my peers as the Magnificent Sasquatch, and I have been considered a fairly competent writer. The Touhou series has always been a fun one to work with in my private practice drabbles, and eventually decided to throw caution, monotony, and sanity all to the wind, and see if I can't make a fictional work of the fan-made persuasion. Fanfiction, if you will! This tale I classify as a semi-self-insert. It is a character based on myself, but not myself-rather, the kind of fellow I wish I could be. Self-insert, but not entirely! Huzzah. Now comes the difficult task. Can I avoid this fellow becoming a total Marty Stu? Can I keep things interesting? Can I keep them of a comfortable length per chapter? This is what I shall undertake, dear readers: a challenge among challenges!**

**...**

**Oh, who am I fooling? I just want to have fun with this! Love it or hate it, let the story begin!  
**

* * *

Ch. 1: One Missed-Er, Four Missed Calls

"What the hell is going on here?" I shout to nobody in particular as I find myself running through a dense forest. Ah, today just had not been going my way. Honestly, I believe I've either gone batshit, or the realm of possibility had been struck by a disgruntled force of nature. With a big mallet. Whatever the case, I was in America yesterday, okay? The freaking United States. Arizona, to be precise. Nowhere near a natural lake, or a forest, or, from what I've gathered, rural Japan. Now, this would be a perfect moment to pull out "what is this, I don't even", but no. No, I'm far too busy fleeing to bring up a tired meme at the moment. But in any case, I need to keep focus, or this angry-looking Asian lady will smash me. I better recap a little more thoroughly, just to ensure that if I let myself be smashified, I'll indeed go splat rather than wake up in my bed.

Randa-comma-Ryan would be my name. I'm a fellow at the ripe age of 18. I work at a food joint in southern Tucson in Arizona called "Eegee's", and have a rather small apartment that the previous owner really didn't keep well. My wage is fair, the bills get paid, I get enough free time, and life is good. Except I've no love life. Haven't had one, still a virgin and gonna be for likely a good time coming. …Why didn't I want to get knocked off by this chick again…? Ahem. Yeah, and I haven't exactly kept contact with my family, either. If anyone asks, it's because I like my privacy, and I'm too busy planning for college. In reality, it's because I'm a lazy, lazy shut-in whose life consists in a continuous eat-work-game-sleep cycle. But hey, it's a living. I'm not exactly out-of-shape, mind you. Okay, no six pack, not even close, and I'm not exactly a quick fella. Luckily, my daddy wanted me to grow up in football, and pops always got what he wanted, so I developed a pretty nice upper body build and stamina. Not QB material, but great for defense. Anyways, enough about that. So, last week I got this trippy text on my phone telling me to go somewhere after I got off work. Thing is, I didn't know this person, so I replied "wrong number". The response?

"I don't think so. And do ask Mr. Furginson to let you off on an extended vacation, will you? You'll need it."

I didn't reply. This person somehow knew my boss's name, and apparently where I worked, so for the next few days, I kept my grandad's trusty handgun at my bedside just in case. Two days later, a new text.

"Was waiting. Where were you?"

I was moreso creeped at this point, so I sent a message essentially saying "back off, or I'll have this number traced". There was silence for the next three days, so I figured that had done it. But that was only for those three days. Thursday night, a new message telling me to look out my window. I humored it and opened the blinds.

I now wished I'd told them to piss off. Actually, not "them", more of a "her" I think.

A good three stories above ground, above the small home across the street, there was a woman in oddly festive attire -an entirely poofy purple dress- sitting on nothing. Floating. Despite the distance, she was looking me directly in the eyes. Huh. Is yellow a new color contact lens or some such? I promptly shut the blinds and made a mental note to seek out a psychiatrist. The next day, the following night, I was extremely tired from not sleeping at all the evening prior. Yeah, fearing for your life kinda does that. My phone buzzed on the couch. I ignored it and went to my room. I didn't even care to see what the likely imaginary floating lady had to say. I turned to my dresser after locking the door. My phone was there, flipped open for me to read.

"No longer your choice. It's time you came to see me."

I was too stunned for words, and too stunned to react when my arms were grabbed and I was yanked backwards with an unearthly force. I went back, back, back, kind of falling, kind of flying, through a violet vortex with golden…I want to say "eyes", everywhere, blinking at me. I could see my room in the distance, a tear in the void, as two red ribbons at the top and bottom, respectively, tied it shut. Unable to take so much crazy, I blacked out.

Now, I could have gone over every little detail, like what I ate on those days, how I spent that night where I didn't sleep, but who honestly cares? I sure as hell don't, because here's where things got really…"interesting".

When I regained consciousness, I woke up with a start and turned to my side, tumbling down a slight slope into positively freezing water. Like any sane person, I yelped far too loudly and made a spectacle of myself leaping out of the frigid conditions and wringing out my shirt. Looking towards the cause of my discomfort, I found myself staring out over a lake of considerable size. First priority would have been "good gravy-bo-bavy, what be this?", but…it was such a beauteous sight…all shiny, sparkling with the rays of the sun…I found myself tempted to go swimming. Alas, it could not be, for common sense reared his ugly head and demanded I search out some form of civilization. (I don't like him much, he never lets me have any fun.) It took approximately, oh, five seconds before I noticed the crimson mansion looming over where I'd been sleeping before in the opposite direction. Well, it was a start. _Tallyho!_

As I walked up to the elegant building, my clothes a bit dried out thanks to the marvels of sunlight, I noticed something a bit odd. Had to squint to see a bit better, but ah, there it was! A girl with hair an interesting shade of red and clad in a green guard's suit was sleeping outside the gate! Hum. Interesting choice for a guard. Looked no older than myself, A little younger, actually. She seemed so peaceful, but if I wanted proper clearance…

"Hello?" I called in a moderate tone of voice. "Excuse me, miss?" Louder this time. No response either times. Shrugging, I walked past her, but not before taking in her features a moment. Huh, what a pretty face! That lifted my spirits a bit. And then, an annoying buzzing! Oh, I've always hated you, bees, but never as much as I was about to. The blasted thing flew right up in my face, almost as if begging, "Please sock me!", so…I did. After being met with the back of my hand, the little devil seemed far less amused than before, and in a kamikaze rage-quit, the thing stung what it was standing on at the time.

The guard girl's shoulder. Oh, goody.

"Eiiyee!" Her eyes snapped open and she leapt to her feet with a startled shriek. O loathsome bees, how whatever god there is could allow you to sting such a nice looking lassie is beyond-

*CHOKE*

-ME! Christ, I couldn't breathe! For being a bit dainty looking, she had the grip of a trash compactor! On my throat, no less!

"Have you no honor? Striking someone when she's resting her eyes, for shame!" Again, despite appearance, her voice had a nicely commanding edge to it. Maybe being a guard was appropriate for her.

"I didn't…it wasn't…!" I furiously try to choke a response before deciding screw it, and pointed to her shoulder whilst shouting, "BEE!" Looking to her shoulder, the girl finally saw the culprit to her mild discomfort and let go in order to brush it off. I've never appreciated breathable oxygen more in all my life. Let's hope I never have to again.

"Ah, my mistake." She muttered sheepishly, before clearing her throat and reassuming an imposing position. "A-Anyway! What business do you have with the lady of the mansion?"

"I, er-"

"Is there some manner of incident?"

"What's a-"

"Have you come looking for work?"

"Well, I-"

"Aha! You must intend to cause trouble to the mistress! Such a suspicious looking person…well, I won't have it!" She declared a little too proudly, fists at her hips. _Are you trying to cause a scene so you'll look good, or what?_

"Would you stop a second and let me respond?" I shouted, fed up with the interruptions._ Geez, such a presumptuous guard, this is!_ She placed her fists on her hips and tapped her foot impatiently. Gah, the oxygen starvation, the irritation, think man! Why are you here again? A light bulb goes off in my mind. I opened my mouth to speak.

"At any rate, it doesn't matter. Lady Remilia isn't taking any visitors at the moment, especially a funny-looking human. Now, please leave at once." Agh! You say please, but your tone suggests a far less pleasant intention! And whaddaya mean, "human"?

"What do you mean 'human'!" I asked, echoing my thoughts moments before. "How rude can you be? I've half a mind to go in there anyway and tell this 'Remilia' how rude her China-girl gate guard is being!" I shouted, folding my arms over my chest. There is a sudden silence. She stares in shock. Ah, have I motivated an attitude adjustment? Sadly, I did not, for the shock soon turned to murderous outrage.

"W-WHAT…did you call me?" She spoke in a harsh whisper. Say, did she have glowing eyes before? "You said…Ch-China?" Her voice raised. Erm, I'm pretty sure you oughta have those teeth looked at, they look like…f-fangs!

_Ah…I think I'm in trouble._

"_HOW DARE YOU!_"Yipes! She launched a fierce roundhouse that I jumped back to avoid, and **takes out a chunk of the freaking brick wall!**What the hell was that? "Who told you that name! Kirisame! Did the ice fairy put you up to this!" She raised her first and swung downward at me, missing and creating a massive crack in the ground at the same time! She didn't even bruise a knuckle! "Tell me now!"

_ZOINKS! Like, run for it, Scoob!_ With that random yet fitting trail of thought, I took to my heels and sped off in the opposite direction. Like hell I was gonna talk to this death machine!

And that leads us to here, where I'm still running like mad and she's just mad in general. In both senses. Angry and crazy.

"Goddamnit, stop chasing me!" I shout over my shoulder. "For Christ's sakes, I don't even know a Kirisame, what the hell's an ice fairy, ghosts aren't real and how could I be working for a crow tengu?" I demand, counting off her logic-deprived accusations what happened during this chase. Christ on a motorbike, three of those are bloody _mythical_! Well, no, she's got fangs and is flying…nope, I'm not conceding it!

"Don't lie to meeeee~!" She shouts, not as angry as before but still pretty peeved. "All the humans who can fight seem to know each other!"

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M ANY GOOD AT FIGHTING!" I scream. I must sound so obnoxious, but seriously, what the hell, lady?

"Why else would you have that big sword?" She growls, swinging at me and missing again, gaining me about a four meter advantage as she loses speed a moment. Wait. Sword, what? I feel around my back and grasp a solid object. Feels like a handle. Sure enough, I've had this ache in my back since waking up…I though it was from the ground, but I was sleeping on a sword? Gah, this is still too nuts for me to believe! And she's regaining speed! This has to end soon, my legs feel like rubber at this point. I have to look for a clear path…ah, this forest is too thick! If only there was a nice way to squeeze between these trees, I'd be outta here like that. Hm? What's that up ahead? They look like flying…

Sutras? Amulets? Ofuda? Whatever those card-things are called. And they're flying this way. Pretty quickly, too. I don't wanna get a paper cut, so…

"Oi, you! Duck those, already!" A feminine voice rings out.

Way ahead of you, mystery lady! Switching my weight to my back, I begin to slide feet first through the grass, while the cards fly past me and into my assailant's face. They pop in a multitude of colors that seems to do hefty damage to guard-girl, who covers her face in pain, and…will she?

*CRRRRR-ACK!*

Yes! A glorious faceplant into an unfortunate tree! Ah, thing of beauty, that was. My slide skids to a halt, and I look up to see yet another pretty face meeting my gaze. This time however, it's not nearly as violent! More like annoyance with a touch of concern. Hey, you take what you can get. She lowers a hand to help me up, which I graciously take. She hefts me up pretty easily, considering the size difference…though doesn't seem evil-powerful like the last one. She's dressed in a traditional-looking garb with a red and white motif bearing detached sleeves. With a gohei in her other hand, I can assume she's a miko of some sort. (Being a video game dork typically results in gaining some knowledge of Japanese culture through fandom. I gained mine from playing Okami! Wonderful game, that. Ah, but not now.) The ribbon in her hair completes the look, and it takes my attention away from her awkwardly exposed armpits.

"You alright? Did she damage you too much?" She asks, her voice a little more monotone than I would've liked, but whatever.

"She didn't touch me. Thank god for it, or I'd be perfectly flat right about now. Thanks for the save!" I offer my hand to be shaken which she just glances at curiously, as if this was a totally foreign concept. I pull my hand back, placing them both in my pockets. "Er, right, so…yeah."

"Your apparel, it is a bit unusual, isn't it?" She asks, looking me over. Yeah, in a place like this, wearing a pair of red Converse, blue jeans, and a red shirt with a Mega Man 1-Up on it would be a little more than weird, I'm guessing. (The shirt's middle reads "get a life", by the way. Hey, I liked it.) "You wouldn't happen to be from the Outside World, would you?" Whozzawuh? Outside World? Wait, could this have to do with that freaky portal? Apparently, ghosts and fairies and tengus and other fun little monsters aside from the aforementioned might exist, so anything's worth a shot.

Besides, three for three in terms of flying humanoids. Have these people learned how to slay gravity?

"If I say yes," I begin, choosing my words with not quite enough care to be subtle, "would this have anything to do with a blonde woman in a violet dress?" She goes wide-eyed.

"Did she have an umbrella?"

"Wha?"

"Answer the question."

"Well, yeah." The miko lets out an exasperated sigh. I think I hit the nail on the head. Good for me~!

"Goddamnit Yukari." She mumbles loud enough for me to hear. She turns back to me. "Right. I get this now, but it looks like you'll be coming with me for the moment." Wow, that's just a bit sudden, isn't it? Oh, wait, _everything_ that's occurred so far has been! Therefore, it makes perfect sense by comparison. Seeing the almost forgotten guard finally pull her head from the tree and begins to recover, I shrug in defeat. Better than taking my chances with that nut. "Okay, then, let's go." She grabs my right arm, and two yin-yang orbs, so they appear, materialize on either side of her. Hold on, are we going to fly-YEEEEEE!

"Cripes!" I yelp as we're airborne. "That was…yeesh!" My new friend -I think- rolls her eyes. I guess flying isn't something I should be amazed at? "Er, sorry. New to this."

"I suppose." The miko mutters, seeming annoyed with this "Yukari" person still. I should like words with her, as well. "I almost forgot," She began, glancing at me over her shoulder, "it might not matter in the long run, but I'm Reimu. Of the Hakurei shrine, that is."

"Oh, right. I'm Ryan Randa, pleased to meetcha." She raises an eyebrow before looking back ahead.

"Interesting name." She states. Hey, now, uncalled for! your name would sound funny if we were in America!

* * *

**Oh-ho-ho, our friend has found himself in quite the pickle! Can this no-nonsense lady help him find his bearings? Where or what is this strange land? And moreover, who was the enigmatic violet clad woman responsible for this craziness? We know the answer, dear readers. He doesn't. And by golly, it'll stay that way for comedic purposes...until next time! **

**This is the Magnificant Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Welcome back, readers! In our last meeting, we were introduced to our bumbling protagonist, Ryan Randa! He was rather abruptly forced through a vortex of sorts into a place clearly far from his cozy apartment, where things already seem to be taking a turn for the bizarre! Luckily, he has found some form of relief with one of the folk in this place, and will with any luck get some answers from this Reimu person!**

**Ah, but this lad isn't going to be known for his lucky breaks, readers, I promise you. Without further ado, chapter two!  
**

* * *

Ch. 2: God Save The (Gapping) Queen!

We touch down at the base of a fairly-old looking shrine. The place looks like it's held up pretty well, actually, except for a few broken boards here and there. The way the damage is, it's almost like an earthquake rolled by here recently…meh, better not ask. I glance towards the far corner, where there sit's a dusty donation box. I move slightly, intending to put something in, when I realize my money probably won't be any good, here. Damn currency differences. Why can't we all have a common system? Oh yeah, that's right. "Diversity is the spice of life", or some such. Or was that "laughter"? Ah, not important and can't be bothered to remember. I turn back towards Reimu who's eyes shine with a slight hope, but as soon as it's obvious I'm waiting on something, she sighs sadly and makes for the sliding door entry.

"Even an outsider…I just can't win. " Hey, I would've donated! Honest! Regardless, after the miko makes that sideways comment, she gestures for me to come inside. Shrugging to myself, I oblige, stopping before heading in.

"Should I take my shoes off, or…?"

"It doesn't matter." She says, clearly not caring. "As long as you're not tracking heaps of mud or anything." Seeing as that's an okay, I step in, the entry room being a small rectangular area with those paper-esque walls and a round little table in the center. Well, how very cozy! She sits at one side of the table and waits for me to do the same. I glance about for a certain something with no luck. "Sorry. We don't have any chairs, here." Again with the eyebrow raise of disapproval! Seeing as I was sussed in a matter of moments, I surrender my legs to sit with them crossed at the table. "So, you've likely a lot of questions?"

"Ah, yeah." I say, scratching the back of my head. "That girl who chased me back there…she wasn't-"

"Human?" Reimu finishes for me, to which I nod. "You're definitely an outsider. That girl was Hong Meiling, gatekeeper of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and she is a youkai." She stares at the ceiling before continuing. "Truth is, this place -Gensokyo- is mainly for them, not humans like us." She makes eye contact with me again. "I'm sure you've heard stories. Fables, myths, of monsters and inhuman beasts and mortal-bodied gods? I can tell you right now, nearly every one you've been told to be imaginary exists, and the bulk of them are here. From my understanding, it became to hazardous for Youkai to remain in the outside world. Human intuition and technology were increasing to a point where if they wanted to go on a widespread hunt and kill of what inhumans remained, they could manage it. …If this sounds far-fetched, the story was told to me by a questionable source. Though it's possible. You should know we seek to destroy or control those who are different than us." I nod at that. A very true statement. "…Then again, Youkai are so carelessly chaotic, it shouldn't be too surprising mankind saw them as their enemy. Anyway, what Youkai available were gathered together in this section of Japan, and separated from the outside world by a certain someone of their own kind. A godlike being, like those I mentioned earlier." I can't help but notice that she begrudgingly states this. Hold on, I'm gonna try again…

"This person," I begin, holding up a palm to cut her off a moment, "it wouldn't be this…Yukari, would it?" A momentary shock, then a nod. Two for two! Huzzah!

"You're rather perceptive, aren't you?" Reimu askes me with a smirk. "Well then, ponder this: why would Yukari also bring in humans, who helped cause the need for this land in the first place?" I open my mouth to respond. Except I've no response.

Don't give me that cocky look! I never claimed I'd the power to read minds. Reimu's face suddenly takes a darker turn. Oh dear, the unpleasant part.

"On an impulse, she decided that she'd have humans live here, anyway. Again, this is what she says. Of course, for the most part, this kind of coexistence is, for the most part, absolutely impossible. Only a select few types of Youkai can resist attacking humans for fun or food, let alone befriending them. And even then, they only respect those with power." Reimu makes a grim smile. "Part of the reason my profession became necessary. It's the Hakurei shrine maiden's job to keep Gensokyo in check. Go around and solving incidents with the power of the border that keeps this place stable. Yukari herself…" Reimu's hands clench. Okay, she really isn't fond of this person. I get that already. "…Has had a major hand in a few incidents."

…

What.

"On her own, she's lazy and fairly tolerable, but," Another sigh? Depressing topic is depressing, methinks. "she's supposed to be this realm's overseer, and yet will add to the problem on a whim. It's irritating enough that gap hag can travel through all manners of borders." She folds her arms and looks directly at me. "Well, you have your answer." What? You never…

…oh, I get it! This whole monologue was a roundabout way of explaining why I'm here! Because the self-proclaimed goddess is an irresponsible teleporting blighter! Ha-ha-ha…oh, I'm screwed, aren't I?

"Fu-fu-fu-fu-fu. Reimu, dear, since when are you one to call anybody lazy?" A deeper voice than ours rang out. "Honestly, you haven't even finished repairs from the problem with Hinanawi, have you? And, rest assured…" I jump as a soft hand grips my shoulder too firmly for comfort. "I've no intention of causing trouble for this young man." As Reimu utters a soft "Who are you fooling?", I clamber to my feet and scuttle away before facing the newcomer as the gap she rode in on closes up. Blonde hair. A purple dress. A fancy parasol. To top it off, those golden eyes boring into mine with a mischievous glint. "I am Yukari Yakumo. And I am the one who whisked you here."

Nice to meet you, Ms. Yakumo. Now please stop boring into my soul with those eyes lest I fling myself out the door.

"Ah, don't be so alarmed…" Yukari seats herself across from me, where Reimu was moments before. The room suddenly feels a hell of a load smaller. "Reimu, dear, might you provide your guests with some tea?" She chuckles yet again, but Reimu remains where she is.

"Sorry, guest, but I've run out as of this morning." Yukari frowns, as if she was saddened by the answer. "Of course, you are more than welcome to run to the human village and get some yourself. Or don't you want your tea?" Yukari's eyes widen a tiny bit with a slight fear or extreme discomfort with that idea. Sheesh, Reimu wasn't kidding with the "lazy" thing, was she? Can't even make a grocery run?

"Nevermind, never mind, I'm finding myself not as thirsty as before." Yukari smirks. "I suppose you should stick around anyway. This may concern you, too. Fu-fu-fu…" That airy chuckle sounds again. Why do I feel like she already has some form of payback in mind? "Ah, but back to business." She clasps her hands on the table returning her focus to me, sounding a bit more serious. "The reason why you are here is to help with a little project I've had in the works for a while. And no, it involves no incident, so feel free to set the gohei down." Reimu places the staff she'd suddenly raised back where it was. Ms. Yakumo's got some fine-tuned senses! "Gensokyo, my little slice of paradise, has been going about a good two hundred years, now. It's been a few seasons since the last incident, so it would seem I have enough time to get this started, and you," She pointed a slender digit my way (Damnit, need to stop classifying every woman here that way.) with a raised eyebrow, "young man, are the prime candidate to assist me." She pauses, as if frozen in time. Fine, I'll bite.

"Go on, you've got my attention."

"Now, Ryan, as you've been told, I typically keep the outside and inside of Gensokyo separate. However, some time ago, the aspect of immigration crossed my mind." Immigration? Like pulling people from Earth like you did me? "Humans here adjusted surprisingly quick to their new domain, of course, being constantly surrounded by Youkai would make one care for things such as a dwelling place or lost possessions a touch less, hm?" I'm not going to smirk. That wasn't as funny as you wanted it to be. "So, I decided a trial period must be in order. Scout out an ideal subject, place them in here, and watch how their lives are lived out. If this succeeds, I might decide to balance out the human-youkai ratio a touch better with some new blood. I see you are intrigued?" That I am.

"That I am," I begin, "seeing as this place holds all manners of the improbable, it could be fun. So I help a while, and you send me back, fair deal."

"No."

…

…Uh, _what?_

Reimu's gohei is positioned for a swing at the woman's head. However, for whatever reason, she doesn't swing just yet.

"I didn't say 'live your life for a while', oh no, I said 'live your life here' period. I can't make an accurate call if you quit partway through, can I?" Reimu's totally gonna do it, now. "That's why I was watching you for some time, why I was scouting you. I needed a human nobody would miss."

*SMACK*

That looks like it hurt, even if Yukari didn't budge. Serves you right, you gapping witch, you.

"Yukari," Reimu growls, lowering her weapon, "just what are you playing at, here? You abducted a person, essentially discarding their life because you felt like it?"

"My goodness," Yukari rubs the left side of her head where a budding bruise has formed nicely, "it's not like you to get so worked up for others." At least I've got you, Rei-

"Forget that! If you're this bad now, I can only imagine how troublesome you'll prove later."

…Oi. I think my friend count just decreased.

"And you," Yukari grabs at my attention, "don't act like this affects you so much. A sub-par living space, a dead end career -if you can even call it that-, and virtually no interaction with friends or family. The world wouldn't miss you, because you would not miss it. Now look me in the eyes and tell me I'm wrong." I look her in the eyes, but say nothing. I'm feeling much too personally violated at the moment. However, I'll begrudgingly grant her a point. She gives off an air of triumph. "Besides, as I have precedence over Gensokyo, nobody cherishes it more than me, and any plan involving it in a widespread manner I handle with care. Just look to your back! I've left you with a gift, a show of good faith. Just how is that evil?"

The sword? I unsheathe it from my back running my hand over it. The handle is in a cross shape, a sterling goldish-bronze with a serpentine design in the hilt's base running down into the blade itself a bit, complete with a brown, rubber grip and a very solid, sharp blade of silver a good four feet in length, give or take a few inches. Fifty-nine inches I'd say total, if you include the handle. Finishing my observation, I place it back in the sheath wrapped about my left shoulder

It's a Scottish Claymore, looking like it was pulled straight from olden times, albeit a bit larger. It's an amazing sword, in peak condition without a doubt. But then, I'm more accustomed to firearms than a sword.

…Oh, crap! Speaking of which-

"Don't bother checking your waistline." Yukari smiles as I was about to check for my gramp's old 9-millimeter in the holdster. "You dropped it on the way out. It looked so clean and treasured, I assumed you wouldn't wish to part with it. So…" A gap appears in the table, and the handed down weapon pops out. "…Here you are."

…Huh. That was actually pretty kind. It's as if what Reimu told me was a falsehood. I stare down at the wooden table. No, I haven't forgotten the devious nature she showed before, but I still have to say…

"…Thank you." Yukari seems a bit surprised.

"…Oh? And what for? Returning what is rightfully yours?"

"It's belonged to someone I owe a great deal. It-it just is important to me, is all." When suddenly, the hand on my shoulder yet again! She gapped behind me while I wasn't looking. Oh well. I'm not so bothered, now. It seems like she genuinely wants to help me adjust. But still… "Um, personal space there, Ms. Yakumo." She stifles a laugh before backing off. All the while Reimu leans against the wall and watches this happen, looking like this isn't a normal turnout.

"Don't think my mind has changed. I haven't before and I don't plan to start. You're here now, and here you will remain. However, that doesn't make me some nemesis or force you've been made to overcome. The phrase 'cruel and unusual' isn't fit to describe me."

That's actually reassuring…

"Well, not 'cruel', anyway!"

Face. Palm. I was tempted before, but now I have to ask.

"Yukari, what Reimu told me about Gensokyo's origin…?"

"Oh, that? Yes, I changed around some bits and pieces. Or did I? It's been a while since I took that tale under editing consideration. The general idea is definitely accurate, though." I face palm for real this time, accompanying yet another red miko sigh. She totally twisted the story. Why was I becoming so confident, again?

"Cooperate a little, and I'll see you a smooth ride through, hm? We'll speak more tomorrow. Until then," She opens the door to the shrine and steps out into a waiting gap, "take care!" A zipping noise, and the odd woman is gone.

"…Huh." Reimu finally speaks. "That was about the most outgoing way I've ever seen her behave towards…well, anyone." A slight smile crosses her face. "Perhaps that hag is getting her act together."

*POP*

Well, hello again, Yukari! Now, why are you sticking your head out upside-down from the ceiling?

"Whoopsy! Almost forgot. Reimu, he'll be staying here. A longer exposure to serving a guest should help you remember to keep more tea around. Bye, now!" Her head darts back in, and she is gone. For a solid minute, there is silence.

"Um…Reimu?"

"_GODDAMNIT, YUKARIIIIII!_"

* * *

**Yukari Yakumo, a master of this place, has taken some interest in our hero! But the question remains, why? Oh sure, she gave an answer, but hey, this is the Border Youkai we're talking about here. Rest assured, things will be more interesting from here on in, readers. After all, what is an inhabitant of Gensokyo without danmaku? Glorious energy bullets! Ah, but that will have to wait until next time!**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Yukari Yakumo is the master of boundaries, and Gensokyo's resident Magnificent Bastard. Whenever you've caught her interest, things will generally turn very inconvenient for you very quickly. It's even more unusual for her to handle things personally-usually she'll send her shikigami Ran, or Ran's shikigami Chen to handle things! One can only wonder...what is swirling in this madwoman's brain that she would break her usual sleeping cycle to deal with it?**

**Well, you won't find out this chapter. But hey, plagiarized danmaku abounds!  
**

* * *

Ch. 3: Danmaku, In Three Easy Steps!

My conscious mind suddenly snaps to, as I recognize the callings of birds. Sitting up in the futon I was given the night prior, I stretch my arms out and give a deep yawn. Rubbing the awkward feeling from my eyes, I look to the roof to see the boards of the Hakurei shrine. So…it wasn't a dream? No, of course not. My legs are still a touch sore from outrunning that Meiling girl. I glance over to the wall to see the claymore and the handgun propped up like I left them. Honestly, I'd become accustomed to the idea of having a sword, so I feared Yukari might've decided she wanted it back. But she didn't, and all is right with the world. Erm, pocketed dimension. Whatever the hell Gensokyo is. I hop to my feet and grab my clothes lying in the corner, hastily dressing myself.

Why was I in such a rush? Today Reimu was going to show me the ropes of living in Gensokyo, starting with projecting what she called "danmaku". She explained that those cards she'd shot at the youkai Meiling yesterday were her danmaku, bullets that one can summon from themselves and never deplete. Ever. I mentioned before that I had a love for projectiles, so this already appealed to me. She went on to explain that Meiling was a guard for the Scarlet Devil Mansion -foreboding name, much- under the hire of the vampire Remilia. "But vampires aren't real!", I'd said. Reimu had raised an eyebrow to point out the obvious flaw in my logic, given my understanding of reality and fiction had so recently been demolished by the purple-and-yellow sledgehammer that was Yukari Yakumo, causing me to hang my head in defeat. Shortly thereafter, I was directed to an empty room on the side of the shrine, tossed this futon, then bidden to sleep. It had still been bright out, and Reimu had still been irritated by Yukari having me stay here.

Yukari.

The supposedly supreme youkai who held the bragging rights of "I made Gensokyo". She was supposed to see me again today. It was odd, Yukari acted rather silly yesterday, yet when addressing my state of affairs, she changed into a believable authority figure. And then, when trying to console me in my confusion, she seemed so friendly? Hm…can "bipolar" be used to describe this situation, or is that just for the happy-angry ratio? Regardless.

Having slipped my shoes on and holstered my weapons, I plodded outside, taking in the rays of the surprisingly early sun. Early to bed and early to rise, the wise ones say! I glance about the shrine grounds. Reimu doesn't seem to be up yet, so I make for the main entrance. When suddenly…BROOM! Yes, an old broom stood by the door looking mighty underused. I take notice of the ground at my feet, and the accumulated dust. Math time! Put two and two together, and what do you get? Sweep. I grab the broom in both hands, shaking the dust off of it first, then begin pushing along the ground in wide strokes, brown clouds kicked up by my efforts. True, it couldn't be helped, but even so I felt guilty imposing on Reimu like this. A little sweeping is the least I could do for compensation. About twenty-five minutes and a few hundred strokes later, the porch is already looking a lot better! That's when the door behind me opens, unleashing a slightly sleepy miko.

"Umn…ah…" Reimu rubs her eyes much like I did, then glances about the porch and seeing my handiwork. "…Well, now. Ryan, I never asked you to sweep…" She paused. "Ah, I get it, but I blame Yukari for this, not you. Don't get worked up about it."

"Actually," I began, propping the broom up. "I just didn't wanna be a total freeloader. I really didn't peg you as the grudge-holding type, anyway."

"You're rather quick to speak your mind, aren't you?"

"Would you rather I put up a front?" She shrugs, showing some mutual agreement. "Anyway if that hasn't tired you out, we should get started. Who knows what you'll be doing when Yukari shows up." I nod and she directs me to the concrete grounds in front of the shrine. We stand at opposite ends, and my excitement wells up behind a dull expression. I just want to break out in song, "I'm gon-na make dan-maaaa-ku, I'm gon-na make dan-maaaa-ku!". But I don't.

That would just be silly.

"Okay, now pay attention." Reimu catches it quite easily. She swiftly waves her arm upwards while facing a nearby tree. "Hm!" she grunts as a series on cards materialize in mid-air, launching at the tree with lightning speed before embedding themselves in the wood. A few moments later, they burst into tiny points of light that, soon after, fade away. She turns back to me. "That," she begins, "was my danmaku. It comes out in that form due to the fact that I come from the holy bloodline of Hakurei, and are to reflect that. All danmaku for Gensokyo natives typically represent who they are on some level, however-" she pauses, "For outsiders like yourself, it pretty much is shaped however you like it. Just know that once the shape has been set and its function decided, it can't be changed. Choose carefully."

Carefully? No. Like a shameless gamer? Oh, hells yes. There's always one kind of gun I've always wanted to have, and now? Now the opportunity is mine, all MINE! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha…ahem. Also silly. All crazy aside, though, it feels like it'd fit the situation anyway. I mean, energy bullets? They're practically begging me to do this. I pull out that trusty handgun, Reimu blinking at my action. I look back and nod to confirm that yes, this was what I would use as a medium, and no, I didn't get lost and think I needed actual bullets. I take aim at the tree, deciding mother nature's gonna take one for the team, and fire…or lack thereof, because nothing happens.

"Don't treat it as such a casual action!" Reimu called over. "Focus yourself on the medium before attempting to form anything." Okay, so focus. Concentrate on the cool metal in my hand, on the trigger waiting to be squeezed. At this moment, I felt…odd, to say it simply. A tingly sensation welled up in my chest, before flooding my entire body. I aim once more, finger slightly trembling as the energy in that area intensified, then seemed to stretch into the gun. It was as if the weapon had become little more than an extension of my arm; I could no longer tell where my hand ended and it began. This was it, moment of truth! I open my eyes, and quickly note that the feeling remains. While it does, I squeeze the trigger once more…success! A translucent yellow orb of energy blasts out of the muzzle and smacks into the tree with a "BERKOW!" sound at a satisfying speed. Grinning, I let loose a series of twelve rapid shots, all hitting their mark in the course of a moment. I'm feelin' like a kid in a candy store!

"Kinda generic…" Reimu states in a warning tone. Of course. Like she said, once I decided this to be my danmaku, there would be no changing it. I needed to pick something reliable, infallible and -more importantly- had a uniqueness to it that I could call my own. Ah, but she's yet to see the "function" I had chosen! I aim and squeeze, but hold my finger there. Immediately, the rays of the sun hitting my body are more noticeable, and my skin feels like it's vibrating…almost as if it was hungrily devouring the light that made contact with me. White lines of light begin to be drawn into the muzzle of my gun as a high-pitched "Whirrrr" grows ever louder. When it finally reaches the loudest point, I release. The sunlight I'd presumably absorbed forces through my torso, to my forearms, through my fingers, to the shining opening. Something leaves my body and the recoil forces my arms to bend at an "L" angle. A massive, blazing orb of blue light the size of my body from my head to my waistline rips free with a "BEH-YOW!" sound and strikes the poor tree, utterly decimating it down to a jagged stump with a nice white explosion. A whistle from the miko signals that I've impressed a bit. Besides that?

I have a freaking Buster Pistol. Eat your heart out, Zero.

"Well," She starts, "you've grasped that quickly, haven't you? Not to mention that I've hardly seen shots that were charged like _that_. With a hand…held…medium…" She pauses. "You…didn't happen to run into a black and white witch before that run-in with Meiling, did you?" I shake my head. She sighs in what seems to be relief.

"Should I know her?" I have to ask.

"No, but you'll probably meet her soon enough. Just in case I'm not around when that happens, be listening for a 'Marisa Kirisame'." Um…"Kirisame"? As in- "As in, the one Meiling mentioned in her screaming yesterday, yes." I can only assume this person is a toublemaker of some sort, though Reimu seems hardly apprehensive to mention her…either way, none of my business. Anyway, she does have a point, this seemed a little too easy, even if every combat-capable person in this world uses this fighting method. Stroking the hair on my chin, (Righteous beard!) I can only assume this too is due to some help from the one who brought me here. Maybe I'm just underestimating myself? Oh well.

"Anyway," Reimu continues, "that's all said and done. In any case, some work needs to get done around here before any other lessons." I headtilt, puzzled. Danmaku alone wouldn't be enough? "Oh, you know, flying, Spell Cards, that sort of thing." Flying? Sweet.

Wait. Spell Cards?

As in _magic_ spells?

And…my medium is a modern-day firearm.

I resist the urge to face palm. "Choose wisely", indeed. I could only imagine the ways this could backfire on me, using a _gun_ with _magic_. Glorious.

"Something wrong?" Reimu asks. I shake my head. "…Didn't think too much about your danmaku beforehand, did you? You're worried about the idea of Spell Cards." I nod. Damnit, she's good. "Well, don't worry about that-spell cards are of a greater variety than you'd think."

"Like what?"

"There's a nuclear energy user and a knife-thrower, just to name two. Those two in particular are fairly tough fighters as well, despite having such odd forms of projectiles. Not to mention, some who control more potentially dangerous elements are complete weaklings."

"Name one."

"A youkai with control over darkness. It takes maybe, _maybe_ two Spell Cards from me to put her down. A fairy who controls ice. She's the resident practice dummy." My fears are then alleviated quite a bit. "Look, I know that this is probably a bit much for you to take in so easily, but you have to understand that here, typical weaknesses and strengths are meaningless. The primary deciding factor is how hard you work at making yourself an expert of your area. I don't mean to sound cheesy, but it all depends on how hard you work to be the best you possible." Wow, that _was_ cheesy. As well as profound! I allow myself a fairly wide smile.

"Besides that, you're a man, aren't you? Stop acting so cowardly."

There goes the smile.

We used the rest of the morning working here and there. Despite Reimu's insistence that if she needed something she'd ask, and didn't want to risk me wrecking anything, I still hefted some sacks of rice to a shed in the back, swept the perimeter a bit more thoroughly, and moved some furniture that was inside. (By that time, Reimu decided "Why not?" and had me do something by request.) We spent the later hours drinking some tea ouside and chatting on matters of Gensokyo and the Outside World. Reimu had been curious as to certain technological advances that she'd caught glimpses of in the shop of a man named "Rinnosuke", and I just needed information period.

Shortly after, Yukari appeared.

"Hello, dearies!" Came the voice of the older woman from a gap that suddenly emerged in front of the shrine. Out walked Yukari, spinning her parasol a little, grinning merrily at Reimu, then fixing her focus on me. "I trust you managed to get some work in this morning?" This was clearly directed at Reimu.

"I taught him how to use danmaku, and that was it." Said the miko, already grumpier than before. Yukari pouted a little.

"Just danmaku, not how to fly? Reimu, _for shame_." She made a "tsk" noise in disapproval. Reimu subtly reached for her gohei in response. "But that's why _I'm_ here!" Yukari beamed with a hint of mischievous intent, heading our way, "To make sure these matters are handled correctly. Not that you can't handle it, Reimu." I didn't need to look to tell Reimu was just about ready to smack the youkai once more.

"Anyway," I begin loudly, standing up and diverting attention from the tense atmosphere, "you wanted me to do something for you today?"

"Oh, hardly, dear." Yukari smiled. "I want you to do something _with_ me!"

"Trust me, there's no difference." Reimu directed towards me. I couldn't help but snicker as Yukari's face took an ever-humorous hint of irritation via twitching eyebrow. Shows you right, little Miss Yakumo! Can't be the instigator all the time!

"Well, regardless," Yukari began, eyebrow twitching in her falsely pleasant expression, "we must be going. So!" She leaned out and suddenly snatched my right arm by the wrist. "I'll speak with you another time, Reimu!"

"Wait, wha-?"

I was cut off as we were swallowed up by a gap, and went through the violet, golden-eyed void once more.

3rd POV

Reimu watched Ryan's expression go from puzzlement to shock as he and Yukari sunk into a gap opened below their feet. It closed over their heads, Yukari taking a moment to toss out the tea cup that'd been still clutched between the man's fingers as they went through. The cup fell upside-down on the grass, then lay still.

All was silent…until Reimu sipped her tea a bit loudly.

"Poor guy." She muttered, shaking her head. She could only hope Yukari didn't mess with him so bad he would later cause an incident in retribution.

"Oi!" A voice called from above. "Reimu! What're ya up to, ze?" The miko sighed. No solitude to be found here at all.

Ryan's POV

Dark. Dark, and purple. This was all that registered in my senses for a good, oh, five seconds while the Border Youkai whisked me through her little dimension of violet and eyeballs. Still creepy as ever, by the way. Luckily it didn't last long, as we emerged shortly in a wide open field, grass billowing as far as the eye could see. It was very…well, pretty, for lack of a more impressive description. My focus was restored when Yukari clapped her hands together.

"Okay, now's the time!" She spoke with a determined expression. I was puzzled. The time, the time for what?

"What do you mean?" I asked. "What, for me to learn flight or whatever?"

"Oh, that?" She chuckled. "Ah silly boy, you don't possess that ability!"

"What?" I was genuinely shocked. I thought everyone in Gensokyo could! "Reimu said that was real common, though! You even teased her about not teaching me!"

"Flying? No, she only thinks it is. Also, I tease because it's funny. Quite a few youkai travel in a method similar to flying, but its not the same." Me old hopes be a bit dashed at this point. I look towards my feet, feeling my face twist into a solemn expression. Her hand pats my shoulder. "Oh, don't look so downtrodden. Like I said, there are many alternatives, and you'll find yours. For now, let's get down to business." Yukari took a few steps away, glancing up and down my form before nodding to herself. "Right. We're here to determine what your special ability is."

"Special ability?" I echo her words, blinking in confusion. "Just what is all this?"

"Oh, Reimu didn't tell you? I must have words with that girl." She sighed. "Anyway, let me give you some examples. Reimu can call on the powers of the gods. The head maid of the Scarlet Devil Mansion can stop time. A certain witch you've probably heard of can master most any kind of magic spell. A shrine maiden who lives on a mountain is said to be capable of miracles. These are but a few examples, and all of them are unique to their holder. Even if two people bear near-identically shaped danmaku, their ability will always be their own. Like, if your danmaku had been shaped to resemble Reimu's it wouldn't change anything." I fold my arms, nodding in understanding. Wait a minute!

"You saw my danmaku practice? You were watching?"

"Yes. You should be glad Capcom couldn't see that, by the way." I feel my face heat up in embarrassment, and look away from her eyes. I didn't think anyone would get that!

"Sh-shut up."

"Dr. Wily does not approve."

"I said shut up!" I whine. Yukari covers her laughter behind her hand.

"Fu-fu-fu…calm down. In any case, we need to see just what you can do before moving on. A handful of Gensokyo's finest are known to have some inherent trait or ability that stands out, and the rate at which you picked up danmaku, though plagiarized," _Shut up!_ "leads me to believe we can identify yours with little trouble." Yukari twirls her parasol a bit. I punch my right fist into my left palm. Okay!

"Right! …How do I do that, again?" All Yukari can offer is a shrug. My mouth hangs slightly agape.

Wonderful.

* * *

**What manner of ability could an outsider to Gensokyo bring? Who was the mystery guest come to ruin Reimu's afternoon? Most importantly, just why is Yukari _still_ breaking character by hanging around? Will I ever stop ending on questions? Well, the answer to that is no. But hey, more answers will come in time! Until the next chapter, when Ryan discovers his ability and a certain witch is still causing trouble simply because she can!**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Here we are again, dear readers...and poor Ryan still ain't figured out his ability. A quick note to make, readers: I had four chapters pre-typed as of 12/29/10. This is the last of those four. Moreover, Christmas Break is soon to end which, of course, will complicate matters. Fear not! I had too much fun with these chapters as I was setting them up to quit. And so, without further delay or noteworthy events, we continue Average Joe in Bullet Hell!**

* * *

Ch. 4: In Soviet Gensokyo, Witch Burns You!

It'd been a good…I'd say an hour, hour an a half by this point. Still, I cannot get the freaking ability, whatever it is to work. Agh! I look back towards my quote-unquote "benefactor", who looks about ready to fall asleep, yawning every so often. From what Reimu's told me, she should have already. Is it really so important to her plan's success that I do…whatever it is I'm supposed to do? Regardless, meditation doesn't work, prayer to any god listening is a no-go -which for some reason Yukari found funny, saying she knew a pair of idiots who appreciated my prayer anyway- , and focusing really hard just caused me to nearly pass gas. I don't need any further embarrassment, of course, so I dropped that method soon as it started. In summation, we (me, rather) have hit quite the stumbling block.

"Maybe you should stand on your head?"

"How would that-"

"Whilst drinking a glass of water, I mean?"

"We have no water."

"I can go get some."

"Forget it!" I throw my fists up into the air in agitation. "You're just bored and are looking to ditch me! How would this work anyway, you expect me to believe inherent super powers are like the hiccups?"

"Believe me, dear," Yukari begins with a sigh, "once you know Gensokyo as well as I do, nothing will surprise you anymore."

"I thought you were, like, a thousand years old?" I quip.

"Belay that train of thought." Yukari orders, obviously not liking the age mention. "Also, know this: it does not take nearly that long."

"All the same," I groan, sitting in the soft grass cross-legged, "it doesn't seem like I'm going to get this under wraps so soon. I mean, have you actually done this before?" Yukari insists she has, several times in fact, leaving me to hold my forehead in my hands, utterly stumped. I swear, if a picture of this went on the internet, it'd be made into a demotivational poster by sundown. My brow twitches in both anger and extremely deep thought. Okay, so an ability. I've got it, nobody else does. Something uniquely my own. I sit up, stroking my chin.

…_Huh. Come to think of it,_ I think to myself while a slightly disturbed Yukari watches, _I can remember once, I did something…odd. Yeah, yeah! It was in middle school, something happened that really weirded me out! Agh, if I could just remember, I'd be fine!_ I groan audibly, rapping my right temple with my knuckles.

"Erm, is something the matter?" Yukari questions, almost seeming genuinely concerned. I hold up a hand to say I'm alright, and also to shush. Probably not the smartest move to wave off a powerful youkai, but damnit, I'm so close!

C'mon, Ry, think back. Think back. Think back. …! It was in my seventh grade English class!

"_Ms. Gofree, what's up with the projector?"_

"_What? How is that-I mean, it's not even-what did you do?"_

"_I didn't do anything!"_

"_Nobody else touched it!"_

It's all coming back to me, now. Ms. Gofree thought I had tampered with the projector, and sent me to the principal's office. No sign of mischief could be found, though. Just a normal projector. All the same, that stuck-up teacher never trusted me again, insisting that I was a devious vandal. Even went as far as to insult me a few times. I hope she's been fired, the jerk.

"Hey! Boy! Focus!"

A sharp pain in the back of my head reminds me I've someplace to be, so I return to the real world, and-ow! Jesus, Yukari, did you really have to smack me that hard? I twist about to see the blonde youkai standing over me with a look of extreme impatience.

"So," Yukari begins, arms a-folded, "could you think of any way? Any**thing**?"

"Well, there is this one thing. You see, this one time, I-" Once again, for what must be the umpteenth time, a sentence is cut off as soon as it is formed. From the gap in which we arrived here, a massive explosion can be heard, as well as muffled curses and laughing. Yukari and I both blink some at this. What we do not share, however, is the ill-boding grin slowly overtaking the Border Youkai's features. I turn to face her, only to find that the grin in mention is now directed towards me.

…Gulp.

"I hope you've figured something out indeed, my dear boy…" Yukari's grin doesn't fade, moving her hand ever-so-slowly towards the back of my collar, "because I do believe you are going to need it!" With that exclamation, the hand roughly clutches my shirt. I am so screwed.

3rd POV

With the devilish grin plastered across her face stretching into a chuckle, Yukari heaves Ryan up with little difficulty, then with an overhand pitch, sends him hurtling into the gap. Once fed, the rip closes, leaving the good Yakumo all by her lonesome.

_Fu-fu-fu_, Yukari laughs in her mind, _now __**that**__ was fun! Perhaps I was a touch rough? Oh, well. If that ability took him so long to identify, I'm sure it's something good. Or at least useful_. Yukari opens a gap in front of her, rests her parasol against her shoulder, then merrily enters, taking one last look outside. _For now, I must check on Ran's progress, see if my shikigami is doing her job._

_I'll leave the rest in the hands of Mima's apprentice… _And with that, Yukari was gone. A soft breeze passes over the meadow, as if the entire area was sighing in relief, damned glad to see her finally leave.

Meanwhile, at the Hakurei shrine, some shenanigans of minor importance of its own were taking place. The good maiden of the shrine is currently engaged in fierce battle with good friend and enternal nuisance, Marisa Kirisame. Now Marisa and Reimu do get along, for the most part. This is surprising within itself, when one considers that Marisa's old teacher was Mima: resident evil spirit and overall enemy to the Hakurei property and anyone who lived there, specifically the shrine maiden of the time. However, being trained by an evil spirit typically leaves one with bad habits. Marisa's, to be precise, is that she has an insatiable appetite for "borrowing". Why do we use this word in parentheses? Because, dear readers, by "borrowing", we mean "stealing". Or, as Marisa states it, "borrowing until she dies". Then she'll supposedly return it. This too, of course, is a ridiculous concept.

But, hey, it's Gensokyo, baby.

"C'mon, Reimu!" The blonde, black-and-white witch laughs. "Just let me borrow some bread! Really, I'll give it back, ze!"

"Damnit, Marisa!" Reimu growls, hurling more danmaku at the confident witch, "I'm not stupid, you can't borrow food! And don't give me that 'when you die' nonsense, it doesn't apply when we're both human!"

"Oh, c'mon, we don't know that you won't outlive me maybe a year or two! Be a pal, don't be stingy!" Marisa relocates herself in the air at an impressive speed, the attack missing by a mile. "Well, if you're gonna be like that, let's up the ante, ze!" Marisa holds her hand up in the air, an octagonal box clutched in her grip. Reimu gasps.

"No. No way!" The shrine maiden clutches her gohei tightly. "Marisa, I just got around to fixing this place up, and I swear, if you…if you…!" She's so flustered, she can't even finish her sentence. It is at the moment, dear readers, that our intrepid hero Ryan burst into the courtyard, landing in a faceplant. A heroic faceplant! Steadily lifting himself off the ground and into a sitting position, the lad clutches his face, muttering curses too bold for this tale, wondering why he keeps trusting Yukari Yakumo, of all people. Take note, readers, that he hasn't the foggiest idea what Marisa's about to do.

"Are you going to coop-er-ate~?" Marisa sings in a smug overtone, causing the good miko to go further red in the face as she juggles the aforementioned box in her hand.

"Forget it!" Reimu shouts, the indignance becoming overwhelming. "If that's how you want it, I'll just teach you a lesson!" The yin-yang orbs appear at her side, showing she's ready for a fight. Marisa, being…well, Marisa, is not dissuaded in the slightest. Also Ryan is still feeling sorry for himself, and still hasn't a clue what's about to befall him.

"Love Sign…!" Marisa declares directing her mini-hakkero towards the shrine's still fairly-clean entrance. Reimu prepares herself to fly out of the way, while Ryan is finally noticing the impending fight.

"Hey, Reimu, I'm back!" He pauses at the tense scene. "Um…what's going on?"

"MASTER SPAAAARK~!" The hakkero erupts in a rainbow colored laser, blazing straight for the shrine. Reimu, familiar with Marisa's tricks, flies strait up to avoid the blast. Ryan, however, is not so lucky as to be able to look a rainbow death in the face and handle it calmly. So, he opts to do what any sane, normal, god-fearing person would do!

Frantically hurls himself out of the way while screaming like a pansy.

Ryan's POV

JESUS CHRIST, SON OF A GUN, GREAT HOOGLY-BOOGLY! Did Yukari know this was going on? I can barely avoid being vaporized as the gigantic laser rips through the ground at the shrine's entrance! Luckily, it wasn't a direct hit-the ground in front just kind of spattered all over the place. Seriously, though! Hoy…need to catch my breath…that was so intense I-

BERKOOOOOOOW!

OH GEEZ, AGAIN WITH THE LASER! My head follows the source of the sound to see Reimu nimbly dodge the Death Star's dethroner of a beam, shooting at…a witch? Yeah, she looks like a black-and white witch riding on that broom! …Wait, why does this sound a bit familiar?

"Just give it up and get lost Marisa!"

"No way! I ain't had a good fight in ages anyway, ze!"

…Marisa. Marisa **Kirisame**? Erm, wow. I-I can see why Reimu wasn't keen on the idea that I had met her previously. A cute face, destructive demeanor, and enough firepower to make Hitler surrender Germany at the tip of a hat. Speaking of hats, that thing is positively gigantic. It's absurd. I love that hat.

Huh. Why do I smell smoke?

…! Oh crap! The shrine's caught fire! I stumble over my feet towards the ball of flame that's slowly creeping up the porch. _What do I do? Ah, close sesame? That porch is snot fo' you? __**I command thee, fireball, to halt?**_Crap! Aside from "pingas", I've no other references in mind! Not that those were going to help, but damnit, I oughta try _some_thing! Oi vey, this won't end well. Sorry, Reimu, looks like the shrine's gonna take one for the team, and-waitaminute. Yukari tossed my on my ass out here indeed, but by golly, it was for a purpose. My ability, or at least what I expect it to be, it might be helpful here! I slowly stretch my hands towards the burning planks, the heat creeping ever-upward towards the door. This is it, moment of truth. With this sudden resolve, I cast thee, hands, to the inferno!

At this moment, a true Christmas miracle occurs. Well it's not Christmas, but it feels like it. Because this is freaking awesome. The flames freeze in place, as if painted on a canvas. From there, I'm compelled to "absorb" like I did during the danmaku practice prior, and you know what? I follow that instinct. It is then that the flames break apart into small, airborne streams of fire, which are then forced into my body with a noise similar to rushing air. The deed done, I survey the damage. The planks are for the most part charred and smoking, but otherwise it's not so bad. I stand from my kneeling position, wiping the sweat from my brow. Whew, glad that's over-hot.

Hot. HOT.

HOT-HOT-HOT-HOT-HOT-HOT-HOT-HOOOOOOOT! My muscles are burning up! _Owchie-mama! Um, er, really need to test the rest of my theory quick! _I glance around franticly, there's gotta be something nearby! My eyes rest on a shape by the western side of the shrine. A small pond, not too far away! Not wasting any time, I take to my heels, hardly paying mind to the battle overhead as Marisa dodges a yin-yang orb, only to promptly be bashed by a second one.

"Er, yeah, go Reimu, whatever!" I call hurriedly. _Almost there, almost there! Geez, it's like a full-body Charlie horse! Made it! My hands are thrust forward once more, this time into the water. Focusing on the searing energy trapped beneath my skin, I begin to shift it towards my fingers. Beneath the water's surface, flames lick out between my skin and nails before disappearing. This continues for a few more minutes. I've no idea who has the advantage in the fight above, I'm too fascinated by what's happening here. Once reaching the water, the flames are flames no longer. My hands glow red as the heat passes through, the water now steaming. It's like putting a pot of water on a stove's burner to boil. That day in the classroom, a few years ago, the projector shorted out when I touched the power cord. I'd unplugged it, fearing I'd broken it, and attempted to get a good look at the light bulb. When I touched its case, the bulb lit up once more, not even plugged in. My danmaku itself, I absorb sunlight to form it._

…_I understand now. That day, the bulb didn't short out. I'd stolen power directly from the port when I fiddled with the plug. When I touched the bulb, I had returned it._

_That's my ability. That's my power. Energy conversion._

_

* * *

_**Energy conversion? Well good golly, Miss Molly. This is quite the development, isn't it? Pay mind, readers: energy conversion is a very..."profitable" ability. I can already think of a tiny vampire, an eccentric kappa, and a mountain god who might become interested in time... For now, dear readers, as Ryan is in awe and Marisa is due for a holy smackdown, we will leave on this note. When we next meet, Ryan will gain a proper introduction to everybody's favorite kleptomaniac of a witch, discuss his ability, and decide to settle matters not handled since his entry into Gensokyo...**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**Welcome back, dear readers, to another action-packed -well, dialogue-heavy, this time- installment of everybody's favorite semi-self-insert, "Average Joe in Bullet Hell"! And if it's not everybody's favorite, then my goodness, who put this on my prompter? Ahem. Last time, we left our protagonists and witch enacting in things! Now, let those things continue!**

**

* * *

**

Ch. 5: Good Things Come to Those Who Steal Them

Okay. So, after the shock of the block that I was some kind of living generator, I realize something very important. Mainly that the explosions overhead have died down a little. Curiosity emerges, royally owning Common Sense, and he allows me to look up…!

Huh. Well, sufferin' succotash. I'm almost regretting not letting the fires overtake the shrine and never making a potentially life-changing revelation about myself. The reason being because clearly, a battle of the most epic proportions took place here.

And I smeegin' missed it. Good for me~.

Reimu hovers in place above the shrine grounds, in such a way that I can see her bloomers-NO! Bad thoughts. Ahem, anyway, her ribbon is torn, left sleeve practically falling off, robe adorned with scratches, and -if you can believe something so odd- it would seem like Marisa actually _bit_ part of her ribbon off? I…don't even want to know.

Marisa, well, she doesn't seem much better off. Her hair is frayed, her blouse is mangled, and her hat has a big hole in the brim from some well-placed danmaku burst. Speaking of that hat -which, by the way, I still love- she is gently cradling the massive thing in her arms while giving Reimu a glare that…well, lemmie put it this way: if looks could kill, why the hell is Reimu still floating? Or breathing, or…well, doing _anything_? Thanks to my skills of observation, I have dully noted that harming the hat-

"Reimu! What the hell, ze?"

-is a definite no-no. Reimu shows no sign of remorse by the way. Both are panting a bit heavily, loud enough for me to hear from down here, indicating it's about time for them to wrap this up, if the Dragon Ball Z cliché applies here. I really hope it does, and even if it doesn't…no more lasers, please, 'cause I don't like being the cleanup crew.

Here's a tip, kiddies: fire burns.

Marisa grits her teeth, returning her hat to its proper place before pulling out-OH JESUS, NOT THE BOX AGAIN! …Oh. A little card. How cute, question mark? Wait.

-! That's gotta be a-

"Magic Sign: Stardust Reverie!"

-Spell Card! Thank you, incomplete internal monologue.

Marisa shoots forward on her broom at a speed simply too much to even blink at, a blue aura flared up around her, leaving star-shaped danmaku in her wake. Reimu on the other hand, looks a bit shocked! Is this one new to her, maybe a change in tactic? I know! She's lulling her into a false sense of-

"_**Aaaaagh**_!"

*Wooosh-CR-R-R-R-R-RACK*

-se…cur…i…ty. Ah, I guess not. The moment that broom made contact with her middle, she just crumpled! Not to mention getting sent flying into your own shrine can't help matters. Reimu pries herself from the paneling, holding her back. Huh. Maybe that crack was her spine, not the boards? Reimu raises her arms to either side of her, a card clutched tightly in the space between the middle and index finder on her right side.

"Errrrrgh! SPIRIT SIGN…"

_Definitely the boards, definitely the boards!_

"…**FANTASY ORB!**" A beautiful, elegant, and oh-my-god-its-coming-this-way armada of rainbow-colored orbs burst out from around Reimu, seeking a now very intimidated witch.

"Ha! L-Like I'll let you hit me, z-ze!" Marisa pulls some Tony Hawk shit on her broom, ducking and weaving for dear life.

Oh, nice 180. Oh hey, a snackbasket, ain't seen one of those in a while. Marisa's looking a bit confident, she's almost broken through Reimu's attack. It just goes so show you, you silly miko, ki blasts are nothing if they don't seek you out until they've hit something. Ask anyone, ask Vegeta or Kakyoin!

Hold on, now what's this? Superman fail!

Marisa gets a tad too confident and stretches out on her broom, nearly losing her balance in the process. As she's fumbling to get seated once more, she fails to notice the harbinger of her doom fast approaching. Or, y'know, the one orb that was smart enough to hang back until this happened. Either-or. Regardless! _Fly, my pretty, fly! Kya-ha-ha-ha-haaa! _

*KREEEEEEEESH!* (Or however you interpret a sound similar to glass breaking.)

Marisa, nailed in the head by the orb, spirals off her broom. The blonde witch continues twisting through the air until her crown makes contact with the tree I leveled earlier. In retrospect, I really hope she didn't cut a cut or something from that stump. Even though, y'know, she almost vaporized me before. Such is life! As I make my way to the crash site and Reimu descends, I can't help but wonder about what I just saw.

Those Spell Cards…they really do seem powerful. I mean, if Marisa hadn't hit Reimu, she probably would've smashed through the shrine and kept on going. And that…"Fantasy Orb" trick, each one of those puppies must've been packing enough power to match a grenade!

Did I mention that Master Spark? I am officially afraid of the Master Spark. I don't even need Common Sense's input to figure that one.

"Uh, hey…" I extend my hand towards the wiped out witch, who sits against the stump rubbing her head and cringing. "Need some help, miss?" The blonde witch finally notices my presence since Yukari chucked me here, and takes the offered hand with a smile and a giggle. My goodness, either I'm really good, or-

"Heh-heh! You look kinda stupid, ze."

-…self-esteem-max-decreasing is go. *sob*

We sit around Reimu's table after the two have picked themselves up and cooled down a bit. Despite such a rough battle, it seems like they're getting along pretty well!

"Wow, best match I've had in a long time!" Marisa grins with an eye shut. "Glad to see the Hakurei shrine maiden hasn't gotten soft!"

"Soft? Really, now?' Reimu scoffs, eyebrow raised. "Remind me, Marisa, you didn't say-exactly how did that stump taste, again?"

Ooh, sick burn. Marisa, practically reeking of indignance turns away with her nose up.

"Hm! It ain't my fault 'Reimu never loses' is the law of the friggin' land, ze." Marisa tries to keep this up…until she breaks down into a fit of laughter, one which Reimu is eager to share in. I opt to smirk and sip my tea. Perhaps if I act all sagelike in these situations, I won't be so awkward…! Ah, that's never gonna happen. "Ah, yeah! Speaking of that stump, you caused that tree to blow up didn't ya?"

"…Muh?" _She's talking to you, man, stop staring at the hat! _Thank you, Common Sense, you're useful for a change. "Oh, yeah! Just some danmaku basics, nothing major." I say this as I cooly sip my tea…even though there's little left, so I slurp a bit noisily.

Got-dangit, CS, stop throwing me curveballs!

"Nothing major, eh? Well, if you ask me, that's gotta be some pretty powerful bullets for a newbie." Marisa grins, giving me the ever-sought nod of approval. "We ain't been properly introduced yet, have we?" Um…no? "Marisa Kirisame, ordinary witch, pleased to meetcha, ze!" I extend my hand, and…she actually shakes it? I guess she knows some western customs! "Heh-heh! I never thought I'd ever do that hand-shaky thing again, seeing as not many folks no anything but eastern culture." True dat. I'm liking my new friend. "Anywho, I bet you could beat all a' Rumia's spell cards in a few minutes with shots like that, ze!"

"Well, Rumia's not that impressive, Marisa. Not even close. Not to mention that was the result of a shot he charged up, a kind of time gap danmaku battles don't usually give."

"Yeah, but just like you said, not impressive, so there ya go. Maybe we could rent her out as a practice dummy?"

"Um, ladies?" My piping up grabs both their attentions. "Not to interject, even though I was the subject of your conversation, but something happened while you were duking it out up there." My response is a witch head tilting and a shrine maiden blinking. Sigh. They really had no idea. "Well, while you were fighting the shrine caught fire, and I grabbed it, and-"

"Whoa-whoa-whoa." Reimu puts her palms out in the universal sign for "shut up". "You _grabbed fire_? What did you _learn_ as a child?"

"…Ugh. Marisa?" The witch eyes me warily. "You're a witch, right?"

"Is Reimu lazy?"

"Oi, witch!"

" Can you make, I dunno, one bullet of danmaku and just hold it there?" Marisa now has a incredulous look on her face.

"Why, you gonna grab that too?"

"Yes, actually." For a moment, there is silence. "Look, I'm not stupid, or crazy, or both, j-just please do it. I can't explain otherwise."

"Fine, fine." Marisa mutters, extending her flattened palm on which a yellow star appears. "Jus' don't blame me when it pops on ya, ze." Heh, don't be so presumptuous, my dear. I should've bet you to eat your hat if I pulled this off…but, too little, too late. In any case, I prod the star once with my index finger. As predicted, the star break into tiny particles, while Reimu and Marisa both adopt a face of pure "what the fuck". The yellow points of light are then sucked into my extended finger, the energy pulse traveling through my body, to my other hand, into the cup it holds. The few drops of tea remaining evaporate, the resulting steam visible for all to see.

"…Well, now." Reimu finally speaks after some moments.

"Yeah, ze."

"Told you guys." I declare with a satisfied smirk. Reimu groans and folds her arms.

"Fine, fine, so you did. I'm guessing that's why you went with Yukari?" I nod in affirmation. "Question is, what is this power, exactly?"

"Yeah, do ya just…eat danmaku or something?" Marisa chimes in.

"No!" I immediately burst. That interpretation sounds just to freaky for my tastes. Hey, tastes! Ha-ha, puns. "Well, not per say. My understanding is that I can absorb energy forms and use them in other places for other purposes. Like that fire earlier, all it did was make my hands like a hot pan when I put them in the water in order to create steam." Marisa nods, getting the idea more or less, while Reimu only seems mostly satisfied in that _we_ get the picture. Well, a witch would be the magic expert, here.

"That's pretty cool! So, is it a natural thing for you, does it only work with heat?" Marisa props her head on her hands while her elbows are propped on the table. I'm glad she's interested, at least. Reimu, on the other hand just sighs, her expression screaming "magic nerd".

"Well, the absorption itself is easy. The only problem is the maintenance. I could only hold in that much fire for a minute or two before it started to hurt me." Marisa nods sagely, while Reimu actually seems intrigued by that.

"In other words," Reimu begins, "You'll have to train your body to get used to the changes in how much energy it can hold, and figure out where the ultimate limit is."

"That's probably the best course of action for you at this rate, ze!" Marisa confirms, sitting up fully. Heh-heh, feels like I'm at a doctor's office, getting a prescription!

You know, I like this, I really do. These two have been real accommodating, and are very friendly overall. Already, the idea of living in Gensokyo is appealing to me, even Common Sense is giving the thumbs-up! Although I should probably find some bros…waitaminute. Something Reimu mentioned is coming back.

"Ah..Marisa…?" The with glances to me behind her cup.

"Ulp! Hm? What's the matter with you?"

"Reimu did say before, after we were working…something about the guy-girl ratio in Gensokyo?"

"Ha! Yeah, you're totally an endangered species, ze." My face meets the table an instant later. "Hey, at least you've plenty of options for shacking up with someone. They'll probably be more willing than you are to get together, considering the limited options." My face hits the table again. "Especially if you're gonna be a fighter. No guys in Spell Card battles till now, ze." And again. "Real quick! If you're thinking of getting with a youkai chick, my advice: don't get frisky in the Spring, ze." And again.

"Marisa, I think you've messed with the poor boy enough." I begin to sit back up... "Although, that last one? _Really_ keep it in mind." …only to kiss the table again.

"…I think he's already found a special someone in your table, Reimu." I glare defiantly towards Marisa, who's simply giggling to death.

"Please…shut…up." Groan. I sit up, trying to remember what I wanted to discuss next. Ohyea. "Speaking of youkai, I was thinking of going to…what'd you call it? The Scarlet Devil Mansion." Reimu and Marisa go blank at that.

"Hm? Why you wanna go there?" Marisa quips.

"Ah, you wanted to apologize?" Reimu asks. I nod.

"Apologize? What for, ze?" Reimu leans over and whispers in her ear. Immediately after, Marisa snorts, trying to hold back a good deal of laughter. Needless to say, she starts laughing anyway. "Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh gawd, you called her 'China'? That's friggin' rich, Randa,! On your first day, too! Ah-ha-ha…!"

"Marisa…" Reimu warns.

"It-it's too damn good!" Marisa's rolling on the floor laughing at this point, holding her sides. "Reimu-Reimu, this proves that's her official name! Even an outsider knows it after being here for-for…._PFFFFT, FOUR FRIGGIN' MINUTES! HA-HA_-ow!" MArisa holds her hand to the newly-formed lump, courtesy of everybody's favorite gohei. "Way to be a buzz kill, ze."

"Serves you right, imp." Reimu huffs, putting the weapon away. "Anyway, if you are set on going, you really shouldn't go alone. Even with your power, it won't matter-Meiling's mostly a melee fighter, and she holds grudges. Marisa here would know."

"Not my fault Remi's got such a crap guard, ze."

"…Yes, sure. Anyway, normally I'd help you out. However, it's late, and I was going to head to the human village tomorrow, so…"

"Well, I'll take him." Me and Reimu both give Marisa a baffled look. "…What? I was gonna see Patchy again tonight, so I figure 'why not kill two fairies with one Master Spark' ?" What?

"Don't you mean 'kill to birds with one stone' ?" I inquire.

"Not nearly as fun." Oi vey. "Really, and birds are so annoying to hit without throwing a rock!" Facepalm material, get it while it's hot.

"Well, if that's all," I stand, stretching out my arms, "we should probably get going, huh?"

"Ready when you are, ze!" Marisa grins from ear to ear as she stands, twirling her broom and tilting the brim of her hat.

"Hold it." Reimu grabs my wrist. I look her in the eyes, the miko's expression a firm one. "Listen up: stay with the witch. Don't stray, don't explore, don't even peak your head out of a window, if it tickles your fancy. If you get yourself eaten, Yukari's never going to leave me be." I understand now that this is just Reimu's way of showing concern. I give her a smile to show I understand, before taking on a pout.

"We can do whatever we want, mom!" I stomp the ground in false anger, causing the two to snicker a bit. Reimu rolls her eyes with a sigh.

"Heavens above, when did I adopt, and why these idiots?" I'm glad to see Reimu gets the joke. I chuckle a few moments before giving a two-finger salute.

"Seriously though, Reimu, it's cool." I head out the door, where Marisa's eager to get going. "I'll see you later on!" The miko waves back as we head into the crisp night air.

"C'mon, then!" Marisa takes her position on the broom, leaving some space up front. "It's best I take the back, so your fat ass doesn't get us unbalanced, ze!"

"Ah, shut it, witch." After even more shared laughter, I slide one leg over and have a seat. Good thing I'm not much bigger than these girls, maybe an inch or two taller. Otherwise, I can imagine this would be so awkward to do. "Ready when you are! Just…none of that stardust-whatever, please."

"No worries! Takeoff!" The broom rises steadily into the air, tilting towards the mansion I'd seen following my arrival. I take one last look towards the shrine, where one of my new friends was likely getting ready for bed. Can't say I can blame her. Once this is over, I'll turn in, myself. With Marisa's head leaning over my shoulder for a good view of what's ahead, the broom takes off, reducing our silhouettes against the night sky into a misshapen blur.

* * *

**How very dialogue-heavy this was, dear readers, and I'm sorry if you found yourself a touch bored. I've yet to perfect the battle scenes, but, by button, I'm getting there! Our hero and his new compatriot, the destructive witch Marisa now head off to the Scarlet Devil Mansion where, no doubt, they'll run into a bit of trouble! Will a mere apology sate the violent tendencies of a childishly-vengeful Meiling? Will Marisa get to borrow some books before the mansion's real guard gets after her? All this and not really more, next time on "Average Joe in Bullet Hell!"**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Salutations, readers! When we last left off, our good protagonist had set off on a broom ride in the dead of night with the popular witch Marisa Kirisame, hoping to make amends for some falling out he had with the first of Gensokyo's inhabitants he met, Hong Meiling of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. However, as we know, readers, the only reason Marisa and Reimu can just laugh off Meiling's fighting ability is due to the fact they are two of the most powerful in this world. Youkai are always eager for a fight when the sun goes down, and despite what others may say, Meiling is no pushover.**

**Even if your intentions are of the purest reasoning, nothing in Gensokyo ever gets settled so easily…that is, not before a danmaku battle…**

**Tonight will mark Ryan's first time in active combat. With his remedial knowledge of danmaku, can he win? Even if Yukari Yakumo is looking over his shoulder? Let us find out, dear readers…**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 6: When In Doubt, Run Like Hell

"_Alright, boy, lissen up, I'ma only tell you this one time. You always, always treat women right, no matter what they might do to do you wrong."_

"_But Brittney is such a jerk sometimes, and besides, siblings get in fights all the time!"_

"_Ah-ah-ah! That don't make a difference, you be a damn gentleman. I know I done raised you better than this."_

"…_Alright. I'm sorry, okay?"_

"_Don't you be telling' me that, you tell your sister that first!"_

"_Yes, sir."_

"…_Hey, Ryan!"_

"_Huh?"_

"_Now, lissen. After you done with that, hows about we go to the range?"_

"_R-Really?"_

"_Hell, I ain't got nothin' better to do. Do you?"_

"_No, I don't! I'll get ready! Thanks, Tata!"_

"_Hell, don't mention it, boy."_

…I can remember that conversation, even though that time seems so far away. I subconsciously lay a hand on the holster at my waist, reminiscing in the nostalgia. I really do owe that man a lot. I doubt I'd have enough sense to be the bigger man -well, the only man in this case- if _he_ hadn't hammered it into me at an early age. Anyone else would've probably focused on the fact that Meiling is what the bigoted human might call a "monster" with her inhuman traits, but I can look past that and realize that it wouldn't be right to do anyone that way. It's not something I could've picked up on my own.

Makes me all the gladder to have this gun at my side.

"Whoa, careful!" Marisa's voice rings out from reality, making me realize I was tilting on the broom at a dangerous angle. ""Whew, you were almost falling off! Not sure I would've caught ya, either! You feelin' alright, ze?" I blink in the moonlight a few times before shaking my head, regaining my focus.

"No, no. I really want to get this out of the way." Yeesh, must be more tired than I thought. No wonder Reimu was so firm about the dos and don'ts of going on this little trip. "Don't worry about it, Marisa. We almost there?"

"Yep! Look up ahead!" I follow the witch's eager gaze to find myself looking upon a pristine lake.

…! This is the same one as before! We really are close to it, now. Marisa lowers the broom's altitude, bringing us down to the point where my feet are almost skimming the water. This lake really is a sight for sore eyes, day or night. Before, the sun's rays glittered and danced about the surface. Now, the reflection of the moon and stars glides alongside us, an extra companion for this leg of the trip. All of this and…

…and…Marisa's eying the surrounding blue rather intently. I wonder what's gotten into her?

"Huh." She mumbles. "S'weird. Normally, the idiot's out to greet me by now…"

"Who are you talking about?" Marisa snaps out of it, her slight shock sending a jolt through the broom. Yikes, this things really is only airborne through her magic, isn't it?

Well, of course it is. Brooms can't fly of their own accord. Stupid, stupid Ryan.

"Ah, nothing, really." Marisa shrugs, not looking in any way anxious, more like bored. "I was kind of expecting a interruption, but I guess she's not around, ze. Oh, well," She grins again, "more energy for the task at hand!"

"Wait, wha-YIIIIKE!" As we reach the other side of the lake, Marisa mentally commands the broom to halt. It does just that of course. However, I think I nearly dislocated both my shoulders in trying and failing to stay on it. The end result, of course, was me doing a front flip, then skidding through the grass and dirt. More pointless injury, yaaaaaaay. "Ouch…agh, Marisa~!"

"My bad, ze!"

"Thanks a lot!" I pick myself up, slapping the unwanted filth from my attire. A quick check reveals my arms are more or less just fine, and the rest of me had virtually no form of harm. Well, except my pride, but that's to be expected. That's…pretty weird, actually. I would at least expect a few cuts on my face, or some scrapes on my knees. Le sigh, more questioning myself.

On second thought, screw that. I found out I'm a walking energy converter, and that's awesome. No more unwanted character development, thank you. That's all I needed for today.

"Well," Marisa smirks, starting off past me, "We gonna do this, or what?"

"That depends," I shrug, following behind, "what would 'or what' be?"

"Stand here indefinitely until you agree, ze." It takes me half a second to submit. It's frickin' freezing out here, anyway. Marisa goes right up to Meiling, asleep on the chair at her post. Sheesh, this is either extreme dedication, or the entire absence of it. I mean, she's sleeping again, but to be out here in this wea-what is Marisa doing?

Marisa inhales deeply, hunched over the sleeping redhead.

"Wait!" I finally get what she's up to. Oh sweet Jesus, no! "Marisa, don't-"

"_HEEEEEEY CHIIIIIIIII-NAAAAAA!_" I slap the side of my face. Truly, nobody in Gensokyo can have more tact than the "Ordinary Witch". I don't need to know anyone else here to guess that.

Meiling practically shoots up from her slumber, the unfortunate wooden chair toppling in the process. She lands in the ready position, one fist outstretched for battle while the other rubs her eyes. Finally awake to a suitable extent, the guards glances about to see who has awoken her, and by extension preventing any of her superiors from catching her asleep. She first notices Marisa. That's good. Hate her, not me.

"K-Kirisame!" Meiling leaps back, crouching in a battle stance. "You've come to bother the mistress and Patchouli again, haven't you?"

"You know me so well, ze."

"Well, not this time!" She stands up straighter, palm directed towards the unfazed Marisa. "Prepare yourself, because I-"

"Yeah, whatever, China." At this comment, She's practically seething. Goddamnit, Marisa. "I'm not here to play with you. He," Marisa here waved towards me, "wanted to talk with ya. Somethin' about how he called you China. Which is totally funny, by the way." Meiling looks towards me. Her eyes glow again. The fangs pop out. Oh lord, I'm boned.

"Wait! H-Hold on a minute!" Meiling loses intensity slightly, arms folded and tapping her foot. "I-I wanted to apologize to you for before!" She totally doesn't buy this.

"You can't fool me, coward!" Meiling growls, "you're just trying to distract me from Marisa! Have you no low to which you'll stoop?"

"I'm serious!" I actually shout this time, bringing both the girls by the wall a look of surprise. I, er, didn't mean to shout. I can feel myself going red. "Ah, that is, I didn't mean to be such an ass before. I mean, you were being pretty hostile from the get-go," Meiling's face reddens and she glares off to the side, I'm guessing self-conscious, "but that ethnicity comment was completely uncalled for, and no amount of hostility could justify that blatant stereotyping. Basically, I…" I pause, sighing harshly, "I'm sorry, okay?"

"…Well, now." Meiling wears a blank expression, not certain how to respond. "I suppose that is noble of you…even though you were such a coward before…" Sigh. "I'll tell you what: I'll accept your apology."

Yahoo!

"On a condition, of course."

What.

"You were with Reimu, right?" Meiling's expression has softened considerably, though she still has a face of extreme intolerance. Whatever the condition is, I better go along with it. I nod to her question. "You must have some familiarity with danmaku, especially if this maniac-"

"I take it in stride, ze."

"-is an acquaintance of yours. So!" She puffs out her chest, looking me square in the eyes. "Here is how we shall settle this. If you can best me in a duel of danmaku, I'll accept your feeble apology. If I win, then…hm." I have to address this, or nothing will get done.

"Then…what?" Meiling stops stroking her chin and nods confidently.

"I get…one favor from you. Anything. Men are good for random tasks or errands, right?" Ow, uncalled for, low blow! My indignance does not escape Marisa, who cups her hands over her mouth to keep from laughing.

"Yeah, Ryan! Be a _man,_ ze!" I shoot Marisa the fiercest glare I can. Even if you have a pint-size Photon Cannon in your pocket, I _will_ end you! I turn to Meiling, returning her gaze and nod.

"O-Okay. I accept." Meiling smiles broadly at this. I see I've gained some approval, thank goodness.

"Very well, Ryan-san. Prepare yourself!" Wait, I'm forgetting something. Oh, right!

"Hold on!"

"Hm?" Meiling sighs in impatience. "Now what?"

"Could we do this, um, without Spell Cards?" Meiling's face twists in confusion. "It's just, well, I don't have any, and what kind of fight would this be if not a fair one?" The girl considers this a moment, then lowers her head in defeat.

"I suppose…now then, anything else!" I shake my head. "Good! Brace yourself!"

I pull my gun from its holster, keeping both hands firmly grasping it while my finger rests on the trigger. My stomach is turning and twisting fiercely, and my mouth goes dry. This is it, moment of truth. I raise the gun to shoulder level.

"Bring it on, Meiling!" No going back.

"_Banzai!" _Meiling kicks off the ground, a geyser of earth erupting in her wake. Marisa clutches her hat so it won't be blown away, grinning eagerly at the prospect of watching a fight. I lower myself to the ground, bending my knees as the missle of a woman charges my way, fist raised to strike me down. I'm not running blindly this time! I lunge to the right allowing the swing to race by my shoulder.

Meling is back on her feet in no time at all. The martial artist begins to punch the air wildly, sending rainbow colored darts of light my way. In the face of the impending hail, I attempt to roll out of harms way yet again. For the most part, it works.

"Agh!" I hiss through my teeth as the a fierce some burning bursts in the right side of my ribcage. I understand the efficiency of danmaku, now. Each individual shot is like a burning prong stabbing me in the side. Teeth gritted, I glace down to my shirt, where seven scorching holes remain. The individual pain has worn off quickly, but a dull ache remains in the general area. I can't afford to take another hit there.

"Come on, Ryan-san!" My opponent roars, flying towards my again. "You expect me to forgive you so easily? Show me your will!"

"You want some of this?" I bark back, adrenaline flooding my veins, as well as another power. "Fine! You've got it!" I duck as Meiling's leg sweeps through where my head was moments ago. Swiping my arm over my hunched form, I land a satisfying smack on the side of her head with the barrel of the weapon. Meiling cries out, clutching the side of her head and twisting to the side to avoid any further attacks. Taking this opportunity, I aim the gun in her direction and let loose three shots. The orbs fly her way, but Meiling is much too skilled to be taken off guard so easily. She punches one to the side, then backhands the second. Luckily for me, my danmaku packs a bigger punch than either of us expected, and the blast bursts against her hand. Meiling quickly withdraws the injured hand, forgetting for a moment that there is another. That's all the time the shot needs to make contact with her head, arching her form back and allowing a brief stumbling.

I'm not sure where my fear's gone. I'm not certain where this confidence came from. One thing's for sure, though: I'm not about to have it wasted. I charge forth, my feet thumping heavily against the raised dirt beneath and swing my left fist towards the now-exposed chin. This was quickly revealed to be a bad move.

Meiling catches the fist, gripping it with the same unbearable force as before. The motion sweeps the red locks from her face, revealing a devilish grin beneath. Helpless to fight back, I was swung about the gril's back then flung forward, my upper back, shoulders and cranium crashing against the brick wall. My mouth fall open in a noiseless choke, the rest of my body temporarily out of commission due to such a savage blow to my head. Meiling comes at my again, leg raised high for an axe kick of the century.

"Hooooooooooh…" I hear her rushing forward, unable to lift my head, and my mind begs for some form of action. When the battle began, I had felt some odd power going through me as well as that rush of adrenaline. That power now made itself known as I lifted my arms to try and block the kick…

…and a star appeared.

The same star I'd absorbed from Marisa's palm earlier that day. This was her danmaku.

The star in my outstretched palm squished inwards when Meiling's leg came crashing down, and we were both stuck in that position for a moment.

"Hm?" I had finally noticed that this was no danmaku of mine.

"Ah!" Meiling gasped at the yellow object what blocked her blow. "Th-That's _her_-!"

The star inflated, pushing us further apart. Then inflated more. And more still, until…

Neither I nor Hong could have been prepared for when the swelling star burst in a grand explosion, knocking me against the brick once more and sending the Asian girl for a loop, literally.

"Ack!" Meiling chokes this senseless sound as she skids along the ground. I knew that this was the opening I'd waited for.

"_**Haaaaaaaaaaah…!**__" _I exhaled the sound, the noise level growing in intensity as sunlight taken in by the grass below was sucked into my body through my feet. How long did Reimu say a full charge had taken? Five seconds?

Five…

Meiling flipped to her feet, rubbing her sore back a moment.

Four…

The guard took a moment to regain her bearings, before remembering the battle.

Three…

Meiling looked to the wall to see her opponent setting up for a strong attack.

Two…

I raised my head and the gun to see her flying my way, fist engulfed with an globe of shimmering power.

One…

Meiling looked directly into the barrel of the gun and quickly regretting attacking so hastily.

Zero.

With nothing else she could do, Meiling cried out in shock as she was engulfed by a massive orb of blue light and carried into a tree in the shot's path.

Humorously enough, this tree exploded like the last one to face my Charge Shot.

_BER-KOOOOOOW!_

A wide dust cloud was kicked into the air, the particles filling my lungs and forcing a cough or two. I wave the air frantically, stumbling through the blinding cloud and eventually make my way to the stump. Another clean cut. Maybe I oughta be a lumberjack?

Meling lays there, belly slumped over the hard wood, groaning all the while. I hesitantly reach out and tap her shoulder, watching the girl slowly turn over. Her eyes are a bit glazed and she looks to be aching a great deal, but otherwise it seems no major harm done. Thank goodness, or I'd feel pretty guilty.

"What're you doing…?" Meiling murmurs. I just stare blankly, having no clue what she meant. "Shouldn't a gentleman help a fallen lady to her feet?" I just chuckle some at that and gently take her wrist, helping the girl slowly get back to a standing position.

Somehow, I feel that this "gentleman" thing is going to be a recurring theme.

"Alright, Hong, up you get." I say in a chastising manner, feeling that I can afford to be a little more casual with her, now. "Sorry about that, just…well, I never said I wouldn't go down fighting."

"You expected to be defeated?" Meiling asks with a shocked look.

"Yes. Very much so." Wait, why is this surprising to her? "I am a newbie, what else should I have expected?"

"That last shot," She groans, stumbling forward as I try to help her keep steady, "It packed about as big a punch as one of Reimu's yin-yang orbs…"

"I dunno," I frown, "I think that might be an exaggeration." Reimu's supposed to be a big shot, right? I seriously doubt one of my standard tricks could match one of hers. Especially if she can take down Marisa as casually as she did.

"Well, possibly. Still, you should take some pride in that." Wow, she really is an honorable fighter! Anybody back home would've been bellyaching over this for days!

"Gee, thanks!" I rub the back of my head in a sheepish fashion. "I mean, you're clearly the better between us, so I appreciate that!" Meiling giggles some, then puffs out her chest, smacking her fist to it.

"I should think so! I am not guard to my lady Remilia for no reason!" Suddenly, she becomes shocked. "M-My lady!" Meiling anxiously swivels her head around. Looking to the wall, I can see why. Marisa is gone.

"That rat!" She exclaims, clenches her fists. "She sneaked in during our match!" Meiling forces herself from my supportive grasp, approaching the manor. "Ryan-san, you are forgiven, now please leave!"

"Hey, hang on!" I'm quick to catch her by the arm. "What's the big deal? Let me go in with you!" She's not nearly as badly harmed as I had thought, but still, I wouldn't want her to be slowed down too much because of what I did.

"Agh…I can see there won't be any changing your mind?" I shake my head firmly. No chance in hell. "Fine. Very well, but stay close, and tread cautiously!" Meiling quickly contradicts her statement when she slams the double doors open and charges inward. With an exasperated sigh, I follow close behind.

The main room in very wide open, some couches are placed around a glass table in the corner near the door, a spiraling staircase lies towards the back, int the center of the back wall a doorway lies open to what appears to be a kitchen. Aside from that, one thing stands out: this place is called "Scarlet Devil Mansion" for a reason. The walls, the, stairs, the carpeting…it's all scarlet! I don't know about this… "Remilia" person, but this shade of red is personally a tad too fancy for my tastes. My eyes dart about for some sign of destruction, anything to indicate Marisa's presence.

Finally, I notice a door heading down, covered in scratches, burn marks, and cracked in every corner, with a barred opening towards the top. Bingo! Racing to the door, I firmly clutch the knob.

"_RYAN-SAN, STOP!_"The earsplitting shriek catches my attention. I look to Meiling on the stairs, who appears absolutely horrified. "What on earth are you doing? Do not open that door!"

"What?" I ask. "This door is trashed, so I thought-"

"Forget that door, come away from that door!" Meiling is still frantic at my refusal to leave the door alone. "Marisa will be in the library, not there! S-So please just come along and leave that door out of mind!" Hesitantly, I rush to the steps and start up them, following the now-very-much-relieved Meiling. I look back towards the door.

What's the big deal? I resist the urge to scoff as I look away. Besides the run down appearance, the damage, the glowing red eyes-WAIT!

I look back to the door. There behind the bars, a wide open pair of eyes framed by barely visible blond locks preys upon my every move.

I take a step up the stairs.

They're still watching.

Another step.

Watching still.

And another. And another. And another-dear god, get it away! I charge up the steps, not bothering to see if the eyes are still following.

They were.

* * *

? POV

...

Huh. Who was that nii-san? Why did he look so worried? What was with those clothes? Those clothes were funny. I wish I had clothes like that.

Awwww, it's no fair! Black-white-nee came by again, and Remi STILL doesn't let me play! It's no fair!

No fair, no fair, no fair!

I just want to be out a little! Just a little, just-just-

"**Kyuuuu!"**

_POP!_

…Oopsie! I broke Remi's vase…she'll be angry. I guess that's why. Or maybe Marisa nee-san is too busy playing with Patchy!

…Yep! I can hear them! Ooh, Patchy's so selfish. She does let me read her books, though. She says "at least you'll return them" or something like that. She's so silly sometimes.

Huh. I can still smell that funny nii-san. Smells kinda nice, like the tasty things Sakuya used to bring me before Remi did that mist thing. I know they'll let me back out once Marisa-nee is gone, though. I wonder if the funny-looking one will stay? Funny-looking things are fun to play with!

…I wonder if he tastes like those thinks Sakuya used to bring, too?

...Remi didn't say anything about that...

I'll wait 'till he comes back down.

* * *

**My interpretation of Meiling is that, aside from her angry-time buttons, she's one of the more friendly characters in Touhou. A diligent martial artist, respects honorable behavior…not so much a diligent guard, though. I really do like Meiling, and she'll be a recurring character throughout our little tale.**

**As for that last character who appeared? The infamous little sister? She'll be arriving soon enough, just not right away. A teaser for our first "boss", if you will!**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, Signing off! Godspeed, readers!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello, Hello, boys and girls, the Sasquatch has returned with more storytelling that just might tickle your fancy! When we last left off, our good protagonist Ryan had gained the forgiveness of Meiling, and the two had entered the Scarlet Devil Mansion to hopefully break up whatever conflicts Marisa might be stirring up now that she's gotten inside!**

**Will this duo of a bumbling youth and an undisciplined guard manage to stop the destructive witch before Ryan must create more "apologies", perhaps with even the vampire mistress? And just who is this "Patchy" who Marisa was dead-set on causing trouble for? Not to mention the mansion's REAL security force!**

**All to be revealed today! Without further ado, let the chapter begin!

* * *

**

Chapter 7: Of Fairies, Jellyfish, and ZA WARUDO

"_Star Sign "Gravity Beat" _!" The kleptomaniac of a blonde aimed her broom towards the sky, letting loose a burst of danmaku that rocketed upwards, then immediately changed angle and went straight for her opponent. However, the violet haired girl would not be defeated so easily. Raising her arms to either side, a barrier appeared at her front, on which the danmaku harmlessly exploded.

"Hmph. Toying with me, are you?" The girl seemed far less than amused, knowing full well this wasn't Marisa giving her all. It was simply insulting that she wouldn't bring out the big guns for a magician of her caliber! "Very well." She raised her arm, a card between her index and middle finger. "_Fire Metal Sign_," She slapped the card against the ground, " _"St. Elmo's Pillar" _!"

Marisa adopted an expression of pure "oh, shit" as she quickly crossed her arms in front of her face, knowing she'd have no time to dodge as a column of fire erupted by her feet at an angle, blasting the witch for a loop and slamming her against once of the surrounding bookcases, back-first.

"-Kuh!" Marisa's eyes went wide and she gritted her teeth from the shock to her spine. However, this quickly faded. Soon enough, she was meeting the eyes of the enemy, chuckling with a darkened expression.

"Well, if you wanna get serious this soon…" Her hand emerged from her blouse, hakkero clutched tightly, "I can oblige, Patchouli!" Marisa quickly grabbed her broom and charged towards who can now be identified as the Scarlet Devil Mansion's librarian Patchouli, who bore a dull expression just as she always does despite the approaching Marisa.

"Let's kick it up a notch, ze!"

* * *

"**Begone, ye blasted fairies!" **I shouted dramatically, gunning down the next three who though it funny to try and blast my backside. This is so damn irritating, why are the maids attacking us? "Meiling, what gives? You're the guard, for crying out loud, take command!" Meiling responded by decking another two fairies as she flew.

"Aren't you paying attention, Ryan-san? This _is_ me taking command!" With that said, another tiny maid received a nasty roundhouse.

It'd been a good three minutes since we made it up the steps, and I quickly was able to identify what shall now be documented as Gensokyo's official cannon fodder: fairies. These little ladies are a sore sight for eased eyes, coming in swarms and serving no purpose except to mess with you. And epically fail at it. Seriously, I'm the newbie and I can bat these things away like it's nothing.

Did I mention that all the while Marisa's antics were shaking the whole damn mansion? My mistake.

"What good are these wimps, anyway? The first sign of entry and they all stop working?" I take this moment to swat a straggler who was indignantly gnawing on my shoulder. She bounced off the floor, smacking into a few of her compatriots like a bowling ball into pins. Huzzah!

"Hm? Oh, they hardly work, period." Meiling offhandedly stated as she slammed the face of another into the carpet.

"What?" I practically stopped here. "Then who is in charge of the upkeep?"

"The head maid handles pretty much everything," My companion replied, dusting herself off, "Can control time and space, too. It's all really cost-effective in the long run."

Wait. Time stoppage. That sounds familiar.

"Hey, just out of curiosity…" I pick up the pace, running alongside her, "what is her danmaku?"

"She throws knives."

Ah. Time stopping, and throws knives.

Cool.

…

**JESUS CHRIST, DIO BRANDO LIVES.**

"…Ryan-san?"

I can't believe it. JoJo's Bizarre Adventure up in this bitch.

"Ryan-san?"

Does that make Remilia a Pillar Man, like Cars?

"Ryan-san?"

Maybe Marisa's meant to be Jotaro? Hell, I could believe it.

…Wait, then who's old man Joseph?

"Focus!" _SMACK!_

"Owwww!" I rub the now sore back of my head. "Sorry, it's just…my mind was somewhere else." She raises an eyebrow.

"Yes, well, maybe you shouldn't ask any more questions…" Agreed. We need to keep moving, and I'm tempted to ask if they keep any steamrollers in the attic. With that handled, the two of us continue our trek to the library, where sounds of battle have only been getting louder.

…

…Maybe Yukari's gonna be Joseph. That would be funny as hell.

* * *

**3rd POV**

_Sigh…_

In the master bedroom of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, a small girl looks to the moonlight out the window, attempting to ignore the sounds below. The house-shaking battle is disrupting her quiet a great deal, and her wings twitch in irritation as evidence. Her choice of action is clear: this needs to stop already.

"Sakuya."

The moment this name is uttered, a taller woman in a maid's garb silently appears from nowhere at the door.

"Yes, my lady Remilia?" The small vampire turns away from the window. Her glowing red eyes display a great deal of intolerance, one that nearly causes Sakuya to flinch. Despite this, she stands at attention, awaiting her orders.

"You are aware of the nuisance that has once more entered our humble abode?"

A nod.

"Good. You're aware this is bothering me."

Another nod.

"Splendid. Go assist Patchouli in her little conflict, if you would."

"It shall be done." Sakuya once again disappears, leaving Remilia alone. Suddenly, the vampire snaps her fingers, remembering something.

"Oh, right! Sakuya!" She doesn't need to look to know her maid is once again there. "I've been meaning to tell you, do try and avoid excessive use of your powers, would you? It can't be healthy."

With a disheartened groan the head maid leaves, this time actually using the door instead of stopping time and using the window.

"That girl," Remilia mutters, shaking her head, "is much too focused on theatrics."

* * *

"I'm just saying," I insist, leaping over a toppled pillar, "it would just save a lot of time if we formed some kind of combination attack for the next wave of fairies!"

"Ryan-san, what is the actual reason?" Meiling knows me too well, somehow, to be fooled.

"…Oh, fine, it would just look cool." A groan.

Whaaaat~? It would!

"Ryan-san, I know you do not want to take to much credit for the earlier match, but please do not deliberately lower my opinion of you."

Shh! Did you hear that, Smee?

That was the earth-shattering blow to my pride.

"L…let's just go." I follow after her yet again, with less enthusiasm.

Get your Randas here today, now with twenty percent less zeal!

"It is close now, right?" Meiling confidently nods, giving me a bit of relief. For a while, I could have sworn she was just plain lost. These hallways are positively staggering in length, with a good five to seven rooms on either side. Funny thing is, the place didn't look even close to this big on the outside. Big, yeah, but not freaking monstrous. Then again, the head maid Sakuya is supposed to be able to manipulate time and space, right? But if that's true, she would've had a hand in the mansion's initial building…

-!

Does that mean she's been serving Remilia since before this place was built? A plausible theory…eh, whatever. Not my business. I just personally can't imagine serving a vampire so long without being sucked dry. Er, my blood, that is.

"Ryan-san, eyes open! We've arrived!" True to Meiling's words, a large set of crimson double-doors stand before us. Behind them, the sounds of battle are the strongest they've ever been. That's hardly a problem though, right? Just get in, smack Marisa upside the head, get out. Kid's stuff. Meiling approaches the door and motions me to come close.

"On three, we open the doors and get to the two of them, understand? As fast as possible!" I nod, to which Meiling responds with a smile. "Hai. One…two…," I brace myself against the handle, "…three!" We slam the doors open and charge in.

"OI, MARISA! WHAT'RE YOU DOING?"

"PATCHOULI-SAN! ARE YOU INJURED?"

Our response to our simultaneous shout is two projectiles heading our way: a large glowing star, and a gear-shaped blade.

Cripes.

"**Stop-drop-roll!" **I absentmindedly yell, doing just that to avoid the gear. Why I used fire protocol, I have no idea. Hey, at least it worked.

"**Evasive action!" **Meiling attempts this and ends up plastered by the star. Ouch.

"Hey, Ryan! You didn't get your ass kicked! Good to know, ze." Marisa seems hardly fazed, standing atop a bookcase while giving a two finger salute. I sputter incomprehensibly, flabbergasted at the lack of concern.

"You might've known had you actually stuck around!" I yell, throwing my fists in the air. "That wasn't cool, Marisa!"

"You know I had something to do. Ain't my job to babysit." Marisa responds with a shrug.

…

…I…will KILL you. So bad.

"Ah, so that is how you have infiltrated." Comes a new voice. "You used this fellow as a distraction."

I look over to see Marisa's opponent. She is a very short girl, perhaps five feet give or take a few inches. Her eyes are a striking violet color, and her hair matches this shade. Atop her head is an odd-looking cap with a crescent moon adorning it. The cap itself is white with an ever-so-slight tint of purple, much like her matching robe. Her skin, however, is very pale-only the slightest hint of any color remains.

To surmise, I seem to be looking at an adorably short zombie who was just reading in her pajamas.

"Huh?" I point to myself. "Oh, no, Marisa was just my ride, I don't have any real-" I am forced to stop and do a barrel roll as a globe of pale energy whizzes by.

Where's my "B" button to boost?

"Patchouli-san!" Meiling calls to the impatient librarian. "It's true! This person really had nothing to do with Marisa's entry!"

"Oh?" Patchouli raises an eyebrow. "Ponder this, Meiling: Marisa only snuck in while you were busy, yes?"

"Yes, but-"

"Then he served as a distraction." Her attention was on me, now. "And Marisa brought you here? She is not the charitable type, nor the type to take requests."

"I am what I am and that's all that I am. I'm a witch, ze."

"Therefore," Patchouli's gaze was an ironed one, "I can only assume Marisa brought you here as an accomplice to her scheme."

"H-Hey, wait a second!" I hold up my hands in defence.

"Ryan-san…that's not true, is it?" Meiling gives me a hurt look. No, not the teary anime eyes! My one weakness!

"Of course not! You said that was a good fight, not a half heartened one, right?" Meiling bites her lip a bit, conflicted. Goddamnit, worker of the library persuasion!

"C'mon, Patchy!" Marisa grins, now airborne, "you insult me! You really think I'd need a sidekick to get in here, ze?" She trusts her palm forward, stars emanating from it. "I whup China all the time!"

"Stop calling me that~!" Meiling whines, no longer concerned about the accusation.

"See?" I ask, hoping for a more positive outlook, "Marisa just lied to me about why we were coming here! That's all!"

Hail, hail to the innocent bystander! They who could not hope to influence the situation in any way, they are the true heroes!

"Hey!" Marisa exclaimed, looking slightly offended, "I didn't lie! I said I needed to see Patchy and that's what I'm doing!"

"Seeing translates to "assaulting" ?"

"Naw, not assault, ze! Just need to - WOAH!" Marisa looped through the air, avoiding a white beam that pierced through her previous location.

"This one…" Patchouli began through gritted teeth, annoyed that she had missed, "comes to rob me of my books!"

It was at this moment that I remembered that this was, indeed, a library. It was also now that I realized that what I had thought to be a themed wallpaper was actually an armada of bookcases!

Thousands upon thousands! The non-fiction reads like non-fiction! The romance reads like romance! The mysteries read like mysteries! The snozzberries taste like snozzberries-

"Begone, Marisa!"

…What's that, Common Sense? Stop being a doofus and get cracking? Good boy, CS! Here's a cookie.

"Marisa, I really didn't come here to make enemies!" Exclaims myself as I approach the bookcase over which she now hovers. "Please, just forget this and let's get back to Reimu's!"

"In a minute, ze!" Marisa calls without even looking in my direction. "Just wait, read a book or somethin'!"

…

BOOKS GOT US INTO THIS MESS. Well, she's not stopping, but how can I…?

Oh.

Oy. The things I'll do to cover my ass. I haven't been on one of those rock-climbing walls since that state fair two years back, but hey, how hard can a bookcase be?

"Rrgh!" I grab a shelf about a foot and a half above my head, place my foot in another and begin my ascent. Well now, aside from the limited space with which to grab, this isn't so bad! Just hand over hand, foot over foot…hey, I've made it past five already! It's just like a big, academic ladder. Hell, if this had been the "academic ladder" they always droned on about in high school, my scores would have been flawless! Alas, what has been has been.

"Ryan-san!"

Oh, Meiling! My good madam, I believed you to have become a background character!

"Please do be careful!"

"I'm not gonna fall. This is kid's stuff!" I laugh, hoisting myself higher still.

"No, not that! It's just, if Sakuya comes by and sees dirt on the shelves, she-"

…What? She'll what?

"Meiling?"

No response. I turn my head far over my shoulder…

-!

Th-there's a knife in her back!

"Gah, what the-?" She's not bleeding but… I look towards Marisa. Did she…?

No. No, she wouldn't drive a knife into somebody's spine, that much I can tell. Meiling's still moving a bit, so I can only assume she's unconscious. Aside from that, I'm at the top. Alright, time to find whoever's responsible for that knife…

"_Earth Water Sign "Naochian Deluge" _!"

Right after I deal with Marisa, I guess. Well, she's moved a bit, so it's time to put my gaming abilities into real life! I've beaten Mega Man 9 AND Super Mario Galaxy 2, Platforming is my worshipper! Although…on second though, perhaps I shouldn't. The gaps between these bookcases is pretty large, and if I fall from here, it's gonna do more than tickle a bit. Maybe-

"_Comet "Blazing Star" _!"

Geez! Marisa just did a cannonball, and I don't mean the kind you do in your pool! I have to talk to her, or at least get her to come down by forceful means! Wait, was that the other way around? Screw it.

I move back a bit, because if I'm gonna do this, might as well make every effort to not break my neck. Running start, and..

Leap of fai-

_SHHHHHH!_

_-_YOWZA!

* * *

**Sakuya's POV**

Hmph. Meiling is so untrustworthy, she didn't even attempt to stop Marisa this time. Well, at least I could give her a bit of punishment. Hopefully she'll remember next time to-

_SHHHHHH!_

Hm? Just what was that sound? …Is that a man flying over the bookcases?

_Tmp!_

The fellow just landed on the wall? How is he clinging to it like that? It's an entirely smooth surface…

Well, no matter. He is not authorized to be here , so I shall deal with him first, then the witch. With any luck, perhaps he'll leave of his own accord. If not, well…I'm sure Flandre or the Hell Raven would appreciate the remains, though the latter would be quite a chore.

Still, we could always use the payment.

* * *

**Ryan's POV**

W-Well…good gracious bodacious. I certainly wasn't expecting that to happen. Who knew I could jump like that? Ah-ha-ha…

Now that I'm thinking about it, there was an odd sound when I jumped…like air passing through me.

-! Wait, don't tell me…? Naw, that's crazy. I can understand danmaku and fire, but _that_? Psh, no way. Then again, it might explain how I'm clinging to this wall. How _am_ I doing this, anyway? Am I, like, Spider-Man now?

…No, no I don't think it's my hand and feet per say sticking to the walls themselves, there's something else. Oh well, I can ponder that later.

"Alright," I mutter, realigning myself so that if I fall now, I'll fall on Marisa who is preoccupied, then she'll hit me, then the librarian will thank me for my help, then I can take the knife from Meiling's back, and THEN all will be right will the-

_SH-VING!_

GULP.

There is something sharp against the back of my neck. Red alert.

The blade is not so close that I can't move to see my attacker, though. I look past the knife, and…

A maid?

Is this Sakuya?

"H-Hello…?" I grin sheepishly.

"You are intruding." She speaks coldly.

"Yes, well, I'm terribly sorry." I chuckle, my tone laced with nervousness. "Just let me get the witch, and we'll-"

"Should you value your well-being," Sakuya began, eyes narrowing, "you will leave **now**."

"I can't do that." I respond. "No, seriously. I actually can't without her."

Yeah, I can jump far, that compensates for flying, but I'm not going anywhere without that pretty little doomsday device to clear out any vicious youkai. I don't even think I could make it across the lake.

A sigh resounds from the maid.

"So be it."

The knife gleams wickedly as it comes back towards my throat in a swift arc.

**3****rd**** POV**

"Gyah!" Ryan's eyes went wide. Before the knife could hit it's mark, he pushed off the wall in other flying leap, landing with a heavy thud on another bookcase.

"J-Just hold on a second!" Sakuya, however, would have none of it. Taking three knives in each hand, she swung her arm fiercely, letting the dangerous projectiles shoot through the air. Ryan jumps to the side, letting most whiz by, but two of them stab into his arm.

Ryan howls in pain, teetering on the edge of the bookcase, clutching his bleeding arm. Sakuya takes one more knife in hand and flies towards him, looking to end this quickly. Her response, once she was in attack range, was a head butt that sent her reeling. Rubbing the sore front of her cranium, Sakuya observed Ryan roughly yanking the knives from his arms, giving a sharp hiss from the sensation. Blood flowed a bit more freely, forming trickling streams down his arm, but something was wrong.

Despite being so careless when removing the knives, the wounds were not any larger. In fact, they were already shrinking bit-by-bit.

Ryan looked up to meet Sakuya's eyes, his own shining in anger. His hands moved to his waist for a moment before he hesitated. A smile of inspiration crossed his features and, rather than his trusty firearm, Ryan reached for the sword at his back. Gripping the handle, he slowly pulled the sword from it's sheath, the signature sound of a blade being drawn echoing over the heavy blasts of danmaku from Marisa and Patchouli. Ryan pointed the blade threateningly towards Sakuya, the maid slightly unnerved, but otherwise unimpressed.

At this point, it would become clear that something was wrong with Ryan when he stared a much more capable opponent in the face and spoke these next words.

"Mine's bigger."

Satisfied with his taunt, Ryan darted from the bookcase, charging through the air with intent to cause great harm to Sakuya.

* * *

Elsewhere, some time before…

Yukari sighed some as she lay on the luxurious king-size bed in her home, the location unknown to any of Gensokyo's resident besides her and her "family". Ran was currently preparing dinner, and Chen was playing in her room, leaving Yukari with nothing else to do but check on her pet project. She had peeked through a gap in time to have seen him getting into a fight with the gate guard. This was troublesome, he wasn't ready for a real battle just yet, he didn't like causing pain. It was then however, that Yukari had a brilliant idea.

If he was so reluctant to hurt others, why not give the boy a helpful nudge?

Reaching into her world of borders framed by golden eyes, Yukari felt around the borders in the minds of those within Gensokyo until she finally found her target.

That is, Ryan's mental border between pacifism and violence. With a few well-placed tugs, the latter slightly overrode the former. Satisfied with her work, Yukari closed the gaps and returned to her home, just in time for Ran to announce that dinner was ready, and for Chen to nearly take out half the hallways when charging down the steps of their home. Shrugging some, Yukari gapped herself to the kitchen.

After all, it'd be fine if she left his mind that way for a little while, right? Not like he'd do anything stupid.

* * *

"Have at you!" Ryan laughed as he swung his sword with a great amount of force, Sakuya countering with her knives. The two forced each other away, a gust of wind resulting from the clash, fluttering their clothes. Sakuya was the first to return to the fray, taking three knives in each hand and stabbing towards Ryan. Of course, his weapon was much larger, and could deflect the smaller knives with ease. However, Sakuya didn't stop, opting to continue her assault, slamming the points against the flat surface. That's when Ryan understood.

"Back off!" He raised his leg and kicked at Sakuya, his foot colliding with her side and forcing her to back off.

"I'm a bit impressed." Sakuya spoke, never letting up her guard. "Not many would recognize an attack meant to destroy their weapon."

"Well, I'm hardly stupid." Ryan responded in a low voice. "I'd ask you to not make assumptions."

"…Fair enough." Sakuya responded. "You've earned the right to tell me your name."

"Ryan Randa," Ryan smirked, "Pleased to meetcha. I already know you're Sakuya."

"Yes. Sakuya Izayoi, Head Maid of the my mistress Remilia." The maid reached into her apron, withdrawing a watch. "Tell me, just how well are you informed of me?" Ryan cringed.

"…You're gonna stop time, aren't you?"

A nod.

"I don't suppose you'd take it easy on the new guy?"

A shake.

"Goddamnit."

**Ryan POV**

"_Time Sign "Private Square" _!" Shit! A Spell Card without an actual card? Sakuya holds her clock into the air, declaring the technique loudly. The sound of a clock ticking rings in my ears, and…

…What? Nothing happened?

_SHLRRRRRIP!_

AAAGH! Okay, something definitely happened! She's moving so quick I could barely make out her knife _ripping into my side_! No, she's not quicker, I feel slower! This is ridiculous! She can focus the slow of time on me and nothing else?

"G-Get away!" I leap backwards as far as I can. Luckily, my jumping speed outweighs the quickness of virtually all other forms of movement I possess, catching Sakuya off guard just long enough to get me out of the range of those freaking knives! I land a good five shelves away, and the ticking in my ear fades. Not to mention, I don't feel nearly as sluggish. Whoo…

_**Okay. **_My Common Sense speaks in my head. _**She can stop time, and won't pull any punches. However, she can only stop time for a Spell Card's duration. Just overwhelm her defenses when she's not reaching for that damn watch.**_

Thank you, CS! Well…ignoring the fact I might be going mad, hearing a voice in my head, that is great advice! With a moment to breathe, I can take a look at the damage…bleeding pretty badly, not so bad. Just your standard gash, and…

What…the…hell.

Th-the blood…is dripping…in _slow motion_.

Whether this has anything to do with my ability or not…I am genuinely concerned.

"_Star Sign "Dragon Meteor" _!"

The roar of a laser from above behind my head reminds me: I have an ally in here!

"Marisa~! Hey! Marisa!" The witch looks in my direction, a touch annoyed.

"Whaaaat? I told ya to wait, ze!" I jerk my thumb in Sakuya's direction. "…Oh. That changes things. Also, behind ya, ze."

"Ignoring your opponent will get you killed." I duck under the warning from Sakuya's ever-so-loveably-murderous tone and avoid a knife through my neck. Accursed maid, I will have your head for using The World on me…!

"ORA!" I bring my hands together and swing upwards, clobbering the good maid in the chin and knocking her off her pedestal. Er, my pedestal. J-Just the freaking bookcase. I take the second this brings me to jump up a taller case to Marisa's level. "Okay, could you lay down some cover fire? I think a plan would be wise, here!"

"What? Psh, I don't hide from nothin'!"

"We're against a master sorceress and a time manipulator. We are ourselves are a capable fighter and a newb. It's two to one and one-fourth. Plan please."

"…I see your point." Marisa raises a card to the air. "_Star Sign "Meteoronic Shower" _!" The card results in Marisa sending forth a great shower of gold and blue stars towards our respective opponents. Patchouli simply put up another barrier, while Sakuya ducks and weaves and, dare I say, _grazes_ each bullet. While I'm in awe of the techniques visual appeal, Marisa grabs me by the wrist and yanks me behind a bookcase.

"Agh, nuisances. Where have they gone?" Come Patchouli's voice.

"Forgive me, Miss Patchouli, I was preoccupied with the oncoming attack."

Huh. Normally a remark like that would be with sarcastic intent. I wonder if Sakuya's being sincere, or-

"Alright, Ryan, any ideas?"

-oh. Right. Plan.

"Well," I begin as she releases my wrist, "The way it looks, the best way to resolve this would be to get one to take out the other." Marisa goes blank at that.

"Oh, gee. Brilliant, ze. Now how exactly do we do that?" The witch deadpans. What, I thought she was the expert here!

"Well, come on! You're a harbringer of doom, and I can absorb certain energies! I mean, just look at this!" I point to my still slo-mo dripping blood. By this point, I've deduced that it was from the "Private Square" card. "If the power to control time doesn't go over my head, I think I can handle some of those elemental spells Patchouli's slinging!"

"You sure? I can tell ya Patchy's not one to sneeze at, ze." She pauses. "Which is ironic, considering she sneezes a lot."

"Well, maybe not offensive…" I frown, "but doesn't she have any sort of guarding Spell Card? One that can be damaged?"

"Hm…" Marisa closes her eyes in thought.

_BOOM!_

That came from the bookcase right behind ours. Patchouli is not happy. Please hurry, kleptomaniac.

"Ah! That's right, "Jellyfish Princess" !" Marisa beams.

"Ex-_cuse_ me?" That name is just too ridiculous to be believable. "_What_ Princess?"

"Nevermind that!" Marisa hops back on her broom. "Get back to fighting with the maid, and wait to hear that card active, ze!" With that, she head back after the librarian.

"Wait, Marisa-" A knife whizzes by my face.

"There you are, Randa." Sakuya's atop the case in front of me, with a sinister half-smirk full of "I'ma kill you" intent.

"…On second thought, never mind." I grab my trusty blade from its place on my back and jump up to meet my foe with a vertical slash. Sakuya's expression returns to a serious one, and she counters my attack with a swipe of her own. The blow causes me to twist in midair, putting me in position for…

BOOT TO THE HEAD - aw, she blocked it.

"Like I'd fall for that." The Head Maid hisses, grabbing the offending leg and swinging it over her shoulder…which of course carries me with it.

WHUMP!

Agh, faceplant! That's the kind of embarrassment that'd put YouTube compilations to shame! Nowing she'll take any opportunity to skewer me, I do a log roll off the edge of the case just as a knife goes into the wooden surface once covered by my back. Frantically twisting, I manage to land on my feet and take off down the corridor made by books towards the library's center, where heavy explosions can be once again heard. The whooshing of air behind me lets me know Sakuya's right on my tail.

"Huh!" Sakuya chucks several knives my way. Not wanting to be a pincushion, I jump up while turning to meet the assault, swinging my own sharp object and knocking the knives from the air.

_Crrk!_

OWWW! My ankle, my ankle, my ankle~! I guess being slammed into a wooden surface by the leg, falling from a considerable height, then running is a bit much for one leg to take all at once! Oh, don't think I don't see you smiling, maid. Believe me, I'm not through with you! About face, _CHARGE~_!

"Eeyah!" Sakuya wasn't expecting me to actually head her way. Nor was she expecting me to, rather than use my sword, punch her in the forearm, the shock causing her to drop those dreaded knives. And now, without any way for you to counter…Falcon Kick!

My shoe strikes hard in her collar - hard enough, in fact, that she outright stops flying a moment to rub the sore area. Ha, that put you down nicely, didn't it? I am tempted to follow up with another attack, of course, but there is a plan in place that Marisa expects me to cooperate with…though I've yet to hear any mention of jellyfishes or nobility.

That, and I'm not a sadist. In a world that's female-oriented, being a guy with that label has got to be the _last_ place you'd wanna be.

Tearing down the corridor once more, I finally arrive at the place where all the rows of bookcases coincide, a small circular area with a wooden table towards the back. Up above, Marisa and Patchouli are engaged in battle, stars and elemental orbs flying everywhere…except down here, which is-

…! What the hell? There's a girl with wings unconscious by the table! …That couldn't be Remilia, could it?

"Hey!" I call softly, approaching the motionless form. "Are you okay?" Of course she's not, dumbass. "Wake up!"

Whoa! Something just shocked me when I touched her shoulder! Also, she doesn't really have vampiric fangs, so what could she…

…ah…

…Yes, m'lady, I will assist your master in - BACK UP!

Okay, now that I'm not thinking crazy anymore and Sakuya still hasn't caught up, time to do a mental check. Okay, bat wings on back _and_ on the sides of her head. And a rather generous bust. And it's hard to keep my distance. …Good heavens.

This is a succubus. And I'm a male creature of sentient thought. This is either the most promising situation I've yet to find myself in, or the most dangerous. Seeing as the voice in my head called Patchouli her master, I'll call this a dangerous one. Sigh, one of the times where being one of the only guys here _doesn't_ pan out for me. Sad thing is, I can imagine there'll be more.

"Now I have you!" And Sakuya's back, so Common Sense can stop beating me with the Guilt Stick for perving on an unconscious girl! Thank you, maid.

"Don't you have tea to serve, walls to scrub, something?" I demand, returning to a battle-ready position.

"Only if Lady Remilia requests it. Right now…" She paused to dramatically point her knives at me, "she has only asked of me to dispose of the rats in this mansion, and I intend to do so **as soon as possible**."

Yuh-oh. Erm, Marisa, help!

"_Ritual Sign "Orreries Sun" _!" Four points of light appear around the aforementioned witch, and begin do fire lasers at the librarian she faces. Patchouli merely laughs at this.

"This technique? Are you running out of tricks?" She asked smugly. She held a card in the air. "_Water Sign "Jellyfish Princess" _!" An orb of water appeared at her feet, stretching upwards until it closed over her head. The laser bounced against it before fading into nothingness.

That bubble? It feels so…simple! I think I can contain that! Marisa glances to me over her shoulder, confirming my suspicions. Right, but first we need-

"This is the end!" …an attack from Sakuya! Yay, timing! She holds a card in front of her, and I bend my legs for one hell of a jump.

"_Conjuring_," Boing! My newfound leaping prowess sent me up to Patchy's level, and I thrust my hand against her defense. Immediately, I can feel the bubble's magics unraveling, entering my body through the pores of my skin.

"What on earth are you doing?" Seems she notices something's amiss. Better kick it into high gear! The thin membrane separates from her backside, towards the front, and finally the last bit disappears. All that in, like, three seconds! I feel so accomplished! Patchouli on the other hand looks mortified. "Wh-what have you done?" You'll find out shortly.

" "_Eternal Meek" _!" Hot damn, am I ever glad to be falling! Sakuya just started chucking knives like crazy! All of them are nailing Patchouli!

"AGH! Sakuya, stop! STOP!" Patchouli's plea goes unheard, Sakuya's eyes are shut tight and she continues her wild attack, convinced it's me she's impaling. I'm tempted to make "ow" and "ooh" sounds to accompany the delusion, but that'd be more of a "Marisa" shtick…meaning "one without any remorse" .

Hold on a second, the knives are…

"Ha! Nice one, Randa!" Marisa calls down to me. "Worked like a charm, ze!"

Patchouli's in pain, but the knives are _phasing through her_! Come to think of it, none of her shots broke Marisa's skin, and my sword left no mark on Sakuya! …Don't tell me…

_KREEEEESH!_

That sound again! Just like when Reimu beat Marisa! It must mean the Spell Card battle is over! Part of it must include protection from actual wounding! Wow, I wonder who cooked this crazy system up?

Waitaminute.

That means I was the only one in danger of…

…Yeah, I better dream up some Spell Cards, pronto.

"Wah…" Patchouli falls to the ground, but is caught by Sakuya. The librarian is breathing heavily, but still conscious. "My Spell Card…how…?"

"M-Miss Patchouli!" Sakuya turns, glaring daggers at me. Hey! Daggers and knives! Another pun! "You…that was a filthy trick!" Filthy? Like your apron is with my blood from before? It's called survival!

"No, it was strategy!" I insist angrily. "It's your own fault for being outsmarted so easily!"

"As if I should've expected such a cowardly move!"

"Beg pardon," I begin, eyes narrowed, "but in case you didn't notice, I'm the only one bleeding! I was in a bit more trouble than anyone here!" Although, that gash has nearly closed up.

"Oh yeah," Marisa muttered sheepishly, "forgot that part." Sakuya scoffed at my argument.

"Who are you to call anyone foolish, getting into a Spell Card fight without any of your own!" The maid taunted.

"Um, hello? You started it!"

"You refused to leave!"

"_I couldn't leave_!" I'm shouting at the top of my lungs at this point. "_In case you didn't notice, I can't fly, let alone over the lake_!"

A pause.

"Ah…" Sakuya's face goes red. All traces of anger are gone. "That…would pose a problem…"

My hand slaps against me in the stiffest face palm I can muster, Marisa starts laughing, and Patchouli groans in embarrassment. Safe to say the fighting's over.

_Clap-clap-clap…_

Huh? Where's that coming from?

"Well, now, I'd been annoyed by the noise you four were making," A smooth voice sounds, "but I must say, the show was worth seeing!"

Sakuya's attention turns to a figure above us. The rest of us fallow suit.

Another little girl? Sheesh, she looks 12 at the most! …Are those bat wings? And…the eyes beneath those blue strands of hair are a glowing scarlet. Not to mention those fangs, pretty long.

Uh-oh. I think this is…

"My lady!" Thank you once again, Sakuya. My internal monologue was moot.

"About time you showed up, shorty." Marisa grinned.

"…Good evening Remi." Patchouli sighed. Remilia nodded to the three.

"Sakuya, it's good to see you _attempted_ your duty. Patchouli, I hope you aren't too injured. And…Marisa…" The vampire spoke now through gritted teeth, "_charming_ as ever." She then turned to me. "Oh? And this young man would be…?"

"Ryan Randa, Gensokyo's latest import." Marisa answered for me. "He beat up your guard, ze." She followed up by jutting her thumb towards Meiling in the distance, who was finally getting up.

"Er, h-hey, Miss Remilia." I grin sheepishly, rubbing the back of my head. "I, ah, love what you've done with the place?"

There is a tense moment of silence. Finally, Remilia smiles and chuckles.

"Ha-ha…yes, well, it is good to know my décor is appreciated." She lands before us, smoothing her outfit. "I, as has been said, am Remilia Scarlet, mistress to this mansion, and I extend my greetings. At least you've some better manners than other company." She shoots Marisa a look, to which the witch whistles innocently. We all face her.

"…What? No idea what she's getting at." A collective groan fills the room.

"At any rate, I am sure you are all _famished_ from the battle." Remilia looks to Sakuya. "Sakuya, you are least damaged. Please prepare a meal for us, as quick as you may." Sakuya turns her eyes to me and Marisa, hesitatingly, before bowing.

"It shall be done." While bowing, she stealthily reaches into her apron and activates her watch. In the next instant, she's disappeared. Remilia's looking awful cross.

"Sakuya!" Remilia calls. "We just had a discussion regarding…never mind." She waves it off. "At any rate, you two are welcome to dinner. Think of it as…a reward for entertaining me."

Erm, I'd rather not. If _Dracula_ hints at anything, dining in a vampire's home as their guest isn't a good or smart thing to do.

"Reward or whatever," Marisa speaks while stretching, "I don't need an excuse for free food, ze."

"Yes, I'm sure." Remilia mutters irritable as Marisa walks by. Her gaze focuses on me. "Ryan, yes? Were you interested?" Agh, stop the toothy grin, it makes me nervous!"

"Well, I-I suppose. I mean, if there's enough to go around…"

"Oh, certainly!" She gives an airy chuckle reminiscent of Yukari when I make that halfhearted excuse. "Honestly, I don't bite…guests."

Gulp.

"Just as well, I should like to discuss certain matters…such as how you broke Patchy's barrier?"

Double gulp.

"Sakuya is an excellent cook, though, I _insist_ you partake." In other words, "get your ass to the dining hall".

"Well, who am I to refuse? Ah-ha-ha…" That grin of hers doesn't fade, nor become friendlier.

"Mm, splendid. Right this way…" With no other options, I follow the Scarlet Devil of the SDM through the wide doors, hoping Gensokyo doesn't support horror movie clichés.

* * *

**CAN. YOU. FEEL IT, READERS? This chapter was sixteen pages in Microsoft Works Word Processor! Sorry for the delay, but this chapter was too good to beak into smaller ones. I just wanted that big battle scene. Don't expect them this long in the future, though. This is hardly a habit of mine.**

**Anywho, Sakuya and Patchouli beat by impromptu teamwork! Although it might've been better if Ryan hadn't made his ability clear for Remilia to see. She is definitely gonna want answers. And once she finds out he's Yukari's project? Oi.**

**The next chapter will be very short one, just to bring the first part of the "Scarlet Devil Mansion" arc to a close. Then the next part begins!**

**What do I mean by "arc" ? There are chapters in arcs, and arcs in books.**

**Why am I linking it to books? Well, that's for the future.**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!**

**...PS: Ryan Randa and The Magnificent Sasquatch do not endorse nor support the perving on of unconscious succubi. Thank you for you time!  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**And here we are, dear readers, at the night's end, and our friend Ryan will finally get some relief from the madness. This chapter is short, readers, not gonna lie - it is all mostly for the sake of reintroducing a certain vampire, and creating some tension between her and our hero.**

**Without further ado, readers, let us begin!

* * *

**

Chapter Eight: Dinner Conversation Fail…In MY Gensokyo?

Funny how things work out sometimes. One minute, you're fighting for your life against a knife-slinging maid while dodging stars, fireballs, and lasers, the next you find yourself in a lavish dining hall as the guest of a small vampire.

Did I mention the knife-slinging maid who tried to kill you is now asking you what your food-based desires might be? Yeah, there's that.

"Wait-wait-wait." I hold up my hands in the "shut up" position. "We were just fighting."

"Yes."

"You were trying to essentially disembowel me."

"Not exactly, but yes."

"…And now you're asking me what kind of tea I would like?"

"You were not a guest of my lady then, Mr. Randa. Now you are. What would you like to drink?"

Groan.

"…Just Green Tea, if you have any."

"Of course."

I resist the urge to facedesk the table, mostly because that would be rude table manners. Marisa sits across from Patchouli, who reluctantly left the library to be social. Boy, do I know the feeling. Marisa loudly slurps her drink before laughing.

"I gotta admit, Patchy, you got me good with St. Elmo's Pillar. Ain't seen that outta you in a while!"

"Yes, well," Patchouli speaks, swallowing a bit of bread, "as it is said, "variety is the spice of life" ."

"I thought that was laughter, ze."

I can't help but shake my head in disbelief at this. Really, I thought Patchouli, like, hated Marisa or something? Now they're shooting the breeze about how well they kicked each others ass?

"So, Ryan? I take it this is satisfactory?" Remilia's voice calls my attention. The Scarlet Devil sits with her head on the backs of her hands.

"Hm? Oh, yes. Five-star quality right here." Nevermind that she probably wouldn't get the "Five-Star" thing.

"Yes, well, a descendent of Tepes should live in such a setting should she not?" Wait. Tepes? As in Dracula? Vlad the Impaler? The iconic vampire? …Eh, I dunno. Something about that seems wrong. "Anyway, I'm very intrigued as to just how you dismissed Patchouli's barrier. What manner of youkai are you?"

"Um, I'm not, actually." Remilia seems confused by this, a grimace crossing her features.

"You do bear a human scent," She begins, sitting back a bit, "but…it's impossible, you _absorbed_ the Jellyfish Princess bubble…"

"Well, that's my ability." No use hiding it now. "If it bears some definite form of energy, I can absorb it and use it's power elsewhere. The bubble was water formed of magical energy, so…yeah." I rub the back of my head. Everyone is now focused on us, but Remilia doesn't look convinced. "…If you don't believe me, I-"

"Bring it back." Wuh?

"…I'm sorry?"

"The bubble." Remilia specifies. "This ability is to unusual for me to take at face value, especially from a human. If you absorbed the bubble so easily, surely you can project it as it was."

"I'm not certain…" I sigh, head hanging, "I mean, I just discovered the power today, the thing I did with the Spell Card was luck alone. Isn't there another way?" I'm not certain trying to bring the bubble back exactly in that state of matter would work. For all I know, if I try it, water is going to shoot from my eyes.

"I'm sorry," Remilia said bluntly, "but no."

"I should like to see this, as well." Patchouli chimed in. "This is a form of magic unknown to me, and I should like to make notes."

"Alright," I responded in defeat, "I'll give it a shot." I'm not about to use my hands or my sword, though. I pull my Buster from its holster, Remilia eying the device curiously. The door to the kitchen creaks open, and Sakuya is peering around the corner, the glint of her knives hard to miss. Pretending not to notice her, I point my gun in an angle over the table. Now to bring back the bubble!

Within my mind, I create mental pictures of each energy form still lingering in my body. There's some from when I got shot by Meiling, a very faint hint of the star from Marisa…ah, there! A blue mass, which has a presence that I can't help but associate with Patchouli. My body glows for a second, and then I feel…Ugh! It's like soap forcing through my blood vessels! Agh, that feels so gross… the sensation ends when my Buster lights up in confirmation, and then a glassy bubble begins to form on the surface. It inflates more and more, my body doing its damndest to push it out until…

_POP!_

A dozen small bubbles burst from the barrel, each an exact replica of Jellyfish Princess. Remilia glances over to Patchouli, who nods in confirmation.

"I can sense it, Remi. They're the remains of the spell." Remilia smiles and claps softly.

"Well now, Ryan, I'm convinced. That is…quite the interesting power, though." She eyes me intently. "How exactly were you aware you might have such an ability to begin with?"

"Well, Yukari dragged out into the middle of nowhere in order to find out what it was, not that she was much help." Remilia goes blank. Did I say something funny? "Uh…Miss Remilia, are you alright?"

"Hm? Oh. Yes, yes." She gives a dismissive wave. "You did say…Yukari? As in Yukari Yakumo?"

"Well, yeah." I can't help but feel nervous. Something about the way she's considering this… "Why? Is that a problem, or-"

"Remi!" Comes a voice from the other room.

"Flandre, please control yourself!" That was Meiling.

"Moooooove, Meiling! I wanna see Remi-nee **now**!"

_THUD._

Erm…did Meiling just get dropped again? The doors to the dining room swing open.

ACK!

It-It's HER! The one who was staring at me! Those eyes, the hair, it's-it's…!

Oh crap, now she's looking right at me! Erm, ah!

_**Just eat your food and keep your eyes to the table, Ryan.**_

_Common Sense! Where were you during the fight with Sakuya?_

_**Just turn away from the devil loli before she does something.**_

Deciding my analytical mind to be a better influence than my pointless questioning, I take my knife and fork and frantically begin cutting the veal on my plate, trying to avoid eye contact. A few times I glance upward and, even as she goes to her sister, she meets my eyes every time. Finally, she actually faces Remilia.

"Remi-nee! I'm happy to see you!" She enthusiastically hugs her sibling. Huh, kinda cute when those crimson searchlights aren't aimed your way.

"Flandre, dear, proper greetings?" Remilia smiles.

"Oh! Um!" Flandre quickly corrects herself and curtseys to her elder sister. "I mean, good evening, sister." Remilia pats her head in approval, elating a giggle from Flandre, and motions for her to sit.

"Yes, well Flandre, you know Marisa." She motions towards the witch.

What the-? It seems my fears aren't unfounded. Marisa is actually startled when Reimila directs Flandre's attention to her! Marisa twitches ever-so-slightly as she waves.

"Ah-heh-heh…heya, kid." Flandre waves eagerly in return. Marisa becomes less tense right away.

"And this," Oh fucknuts. "Is Mr. Ryan Randa, who came here with Marisa."

"Uh," I give a two finger salute. "How you doing?" Flandre is silent a moment. Remilia places a hand on her shoulder.

"Oh! Hi Randa-kun!" Sigh. At least Reimila keeps her in line. I return to the meat on my plate as Sakuya emerges from the kitchen holding her mistresses' plates, my tea, and a smaller dish which I can only assume would be for Meiling.

"Here we are!" Sakuya smiles, before frowning again. "Ah…where is our guard?"

"Hi Sakuya!" Flandre waves in that ever-so-spastic manner. "Meiling was taking to long to let me see Remi, so I made her go sleep!"

I think everybody got amazingly tense at that. Remilia just holds her face in embarrassment.

"Yes, well, Leave her plate there anyway for when she…comes to." The mistress ordered.

"Er…yes, my lady." She sets Meilings food on a corner unoccupied, hands out the meals to Remilia and Flandre, then gives me my tea.

…She's too emotionless. I need to check this.

"…Mr. Randa, why are you sticking your fingertip in the tea?"

No reason! Totally not doing a poison check, that be crazy!

"Ah, just seeing for the temperature." I laugh, not wanting to be too obvious.

"Ryan, my maid would never make an attempt on your life without my consent." Remilia smirks.

"I'm not too sure," I joke, "I didn't hear you order her to skewer me when I was making bubbles."

Marisa snickers and Patchouli shakes her head. Remilia opts to give the now frightened Sakuya a firm look.

"M-My lady," Sakuya stammers going red, "It's just…the weapon, and was merely concerned for-"

"Yes, yes, Sakuya, but do be more discreet." The maid hangs her head sadly. "I don't want you scaring guests, this is why we hardly get company anymore."

While Remilia reprimands her servant, Flandre's focused on me again, slowly chewing the bit of food in her mouth.

"Erm, can I help you, Flandre?" She swallows the food and smiles some.

"Are you a human, Randa-kun?" I'm not liking where this is going.

"Well, yes," I answer quickly, "just from the outside world."

"Oh." She pauses.

"Is there something else?" I know she's just trying at a specific question.

"…Are you a _people_ human or-"

"Yes, Flandre!" Remilia snaps at her younger sister. "He is a person, and I do not want to hear you asking that question again. Am I clear young lady?" Flandre withdraws into her char.

"I-I'm sorry, Remi, I didn't mean anything!" Seeing the now-adorable scared look on her sister, Reimila pats her head.

"There, there, sister. Just be careful of what you ask." Reimila looks over to me. "She was merely going to continue by asking if you were a servant, like Sakuya."

"Oh, okay." I reply with a false smile. "Sure!"

I'm not stupid, Remilia. There's only one other category for a vampire besides "person" when talking about a human.

And giving how Flandre's looking at me, I don't think I meet the "person" category in her book just yet. However, I won't say anything.

The rest of the evening plays out pretty nicely. Eventually, Meiling regains consciousness, stumbles into the room, and then promptly facedesks her soup asking "Why me?" . We share a few laughs, mostly at the expense of Meiling's epic fail and Sakuya still expecting me to try something with her mistress. Eventually, the meal wraps up with dessert in the entrance hall, with everybody doing their own thing.

"I've gotta hand it to you, Sakuya," I grin, scooping up some pecan pie with my fork, "aside from knife fights, you're one hell of a cook!"

"Well, my thanks," She blushes some, looking the other way, "I do my best for my lady."

"Oh yeah, one more thing: call me "Ryan", okay?" Sakuya glances back to her mistress a second, who is chatting with Marisa and Patchouli. She's really paranoid about Remilia's approval!

"I'm not certain that would be proper…"

Heh. Looks like I'll have to play the "offended guest" card. Sorry, Sakuya, but it's for your own good! A-hem!

"Well, now!" I begin loudly, making a dissatisfied face. "As a guest, I cannot be granted such a simple request? Outrageous!" I stand up roughly and begin for the door. "I am leaving at once!"

"Wait!" She calls. "I am sorry, Ryan, I didn't mean to offend!" Victory!

"And I'm sorry," I begin, dropping the act, "for putting on a farce to you wouldn't feel the need to be so formal!"

"What? Why you…" I laugh as her blush deepens. "Hmph! Be thankful you are in my mistresses' favor, or I would end you for that." Normally, the threat would worry me some, but it looks like she's opening up! Friend count plus one!

"Yeah, well," I stand, popping my back, "we really should be going. It's late, Reimu might be concerned."

"Yeah, I gotta go, too." Marisa added, heading my way, "I'll take some books some other time, Patchy." She grabs her broom leaning against the wall and nods in my direction. "Ya ready?"

"Of course." I make for the door, before a voice stops me.

"Wait." Hey, it's Patchouli! She approaches me as Remilia watches, apparently knowing what this is about. "Your ability intrigues me, Ryan. I should like to have a better study of it. So if you would return tomorrow…?"

"Well, I don't know if Yukari's gonna swing by the shrine," I consider, "but if not, sure! I'd like to explore this more, myself."

"Excellent!" Remilia chimes in, wings flapping a bit. "We will expect you then. Until that time, a good evening to both of you."

"Come again soon, Ryan-san!" Meiling beams from the steps. If nothing else, I'd like to hang out with Meiling a bit more, too. She'd make a good sparring partner!

"See you guys later!" I wave once, then head out into the crisp night air, Marisa close behind. Well, this was all very pleasant! Not to mention, I think I've found my flying alternative! All I have to do is make my running a bit less full of fail, and all will be right with the world!

…Huh. Scratch that. Something seems off. Like something back there was missing…

…Or someone.

* * *

**3rd**** POV**

Meanwhile, atop the mansion, the younger devil breathes in the scent of the man as he leaves on Marisa's broom. This human couldn't count as people, could he?

…No, her sister must have been wrong. She knows what people humans smell like. Humans that they count as equals have a totally different scent. Reimu's is like her shrine, Marisa's is like Patchy's books, and Sakuya…well, she doesn't really have one in the first place. This one…this is just like the smell of the food Sakuya used to bring her before the incident of the Scarlet Mist.

The smell of any human of the nearby village.

In other words, food humans.

* * *

_MEANWHILE_

Yukari Yakumo slept within her luxurious bed. Ran had screwed up dinner, so she ended up porting in some dinner from an Outback Steakhouse in the Outside World. The results had caused a young man's first date to go awry, but as long as Yukari was well-fed it was an acceptable loss.

However, Yukari had forgotten something important. Deep within Yukari's pocketed dimension, the rifts she had altered had remained unchanged, unfixed. The border of Peace and Violence within Ryan's mind crackled with energy from some unknown magic power. A bright light emanated from it, causing several of the golden eyes to squint and withdraw.

The border shifted in an unfavorable position.

It stopped sparking.

Finally, it closed the way it was.

* * *

**The reason for Ryan's scent being unlike those of Reimu, Marisa, and Sakuya is because unlike them, he is unaltered by outside forces. The Hakurei power that separates the outside world from Gensokyo has modified Reimu's physical being. Marisa, of course, has performed many a spell and been influenced through her time with Mima, which has changed her. Sakuya, obviously, is changed through her ability to manipulate time and space.**

**With that, the first half of Ryan's adventure with the Scarlet Devil Mansion has come to an end! Did you expect a confrontation with the little sister so soon? Ha, what fun would that be, dear readers? Remilia is much too obsessed with appearing more sophisticated than to allow her sister to feed on a guest. However, Ryan will now be paying a few visits to this home of inhumans, and trust me, readers: something's gonna give, and sooner than later.**

**Also, did I mention I love making Sakuya paranoid of Remilia's approval? She's a workaholic, hopelessly dedicated to her mistress, and that'll be more apparent later on. And it will be glorious.**

**Finally, as you might have noticed, in the last chapter, Yukari tampered with Ryan's mind a bit, made him more prone to fighting. KEEP THIS IN MIND: Yukari is a lazy, lazy woman. Do you think she'd take the time to fix that? No, and it will cause complications for Ryan. Here's a clue: who spoke to our protagonist last chapter that wasn't really there?**

**I leave you to hypothesize!**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed readers!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello, hello, boys and girls, the Magnificent Sasquatch hath returned with more of our tale to tell! In our last chapter, the chaotic happenings at the Scarlet Devil Mansion winded down with some nice dinner pleasantries. Patchouli, seeming intrigued by Ryan's power, has invited him back for the sake of study. Magicians will be magicians! In today's addition, our intrepid hero shall find himself on his own for the first time, and also shall have a good match with everyone's favorite nineball!**

**The story continues, readers! Second half of the SDM Arc, BEGIN~!**

* * *

Chapter Nine: Eye Am The Comic Relief!

"Oh, well…I suppose I should have mentioned that, shouldn't I have?"

"It's fine, it's fine. Just…keep instances of fatal risk in mind, huh?"

"The sarcasm isn't needed."

"S-Sorry."

When I had returned the night prior, Reimu had been awakened by the rather noisy crash landing. Otherwise known as Marisa's sudden brakes flinging me into the shrine's walls. I had mentioned that things went well, and we'd had a nice first meeting with Remilia and her homicidal maid. When I mentioned to Reimu that I had to do this without Spell Cards, she immediately made a mental note that, before my next visit -by Patchouli's request, huzzah- I would make at least one the next morning.

"If you have at least one, there is no risk of death when in a Spell Card battle." Reimu had said. Of course, given that she had spaced this before, I was a bit wary of her credentials to teach me these things.

Then I found out she'd invented the Spell Card system.

Needless to say, a private mindfuck ensued. The details of which will forever remain between me and common sense, because he doesn't like me sharing these things.

Anyway, onwards to the present time!

"So, Reimu," I began, sketching out some ideas on a sheet of paper that had been lying around, "why did you come up with this system, anyway?"

"For starters, it makes things a bit more fair." Reimu shrugged, going over a few notes she'd gotten in her donation box from the human village. "Agh, none of these need my attention."

"Whazzat?"

"Oh, just some supposed 'incidents', more like 'stupid youkai acting stupid' . Where was I?" She paused. "Right. The Spell Card system balances things out, because how well you do in that kind of battle all depends on how hard you work to hone your skills. If you pay no mind to your amount of Spell Cards and their diversity, or you just have a handful of powerful ones and nothing to fill the gaps, expect to lose. Quickly."

"Alrighty, that makes sense." I took a moment to circle one or two concepts that really stuck out. "Reason number two?"

"Reason number two is so that people can actually challenge me on even grounds." Reimu peeked over my shoulder. "Got anything?"

"Just about. Care to elaborate?"

"Well, think about it. I'm directly tied to the Hakurei border, that which keeps Gensokyo separate from the Outside World. If I should die in battle, what do you think would happen?"

"Gensokyo's no longer Gensokyo?"

"Right. And trust me, the transition would not be pretty." I can believe that. "Before, I would have to just put all my effort into utterly destroying my opponent so I don't die. I really don't like the idea of being a serial killer, even if most of the youkai that would attack me would deserve it. Not to mention everyone else was to scared to fight me in case something went wrong."

"So this way, people can fight you to the best of their ability fairly, and there's no need to make a body count?"

"That's right. But there are rules." She glanced over my shoulder. "For example, any special ability or power cannot be openly used directly against your foe. I mean, if that _weren't_ the case, do you really think you could have beaten Sakuya?"

I frown and cross out several ideas. So much for what I pulled last night.

"I'm guessing it caught on pretty quick?" I jot down some notes next to my chosen concept. "That's surprising, considering youkai lifespan."

"Believe me, I was shocked too." Reimu smiled. "Some of these people are several hundred years old, and they accepted it without question. Even Yukari bended a few natural laws so that it was a mandatory system during an incident."

"Nice. Alright," I hand her my paper, "Tell me what you think."

Reimu's face scrunches up.

"Just what am I reading?" Beg pardon?

"It's…English?" Reimu pauses, then takes a look of absolute deadpan.

"Ryan, are you messing with me?"

"What do you mean? It's basic English! We're speaking it right now!"

"No, we're not!" She crosses her arms, glaring. "What's gotten into you? What on earth is 'Eeng-reesh' ?"

What the hell's going on here? She's convinced she's speaking Japanese, but I hear it as…

-!

Could it be that…

"…Are you sure?" I know this sounds stupid, but I need to test something.

"Pretty sure, yeah."

There it is! My mouth movements don't match my words, and hers don't match what I hear!

"…Reimu, Yukari can alter any force, physical or metaphysical, right?" Reimu uncrosses her arms and stops to consider this.

"As far as I know."

"Would that include what is spoken and what is heard?"

…

Reimu's eyes shut tight. She sighs roughly.

I facepalm.

…

We both speak at the same time.

"Goddamnit, Yukari."

* * *

"Alright, so I won't be able to check your idea through written notes," Reimu groans, "that means the only option is a demonstration."

We're back out in front of the shrine. Since Yukari didn't have the foresight to do for my writing what she did for my spoken language, it's gonna have to be a trial-and-error process.

"Reimu, I'm not too sure about this." I frown. "What if it fails?"

"Then nothing happens." Reimu nods. "Just declare the attack's name. If it works, a card will appear and you'll use the technique."

"So, what? Shout at the top of my lungs and hope for the best?" I keep my arms folded defiantly. "I'll look like a total dumbass, not happening!"

"Oh, come now, don't be so cowardly." Oi! "Worst case scenario, Aya's somewhere nearby."

"Hold on, _who_?" Reimu quickly catches herself.

"Never mind, never mind. I've said too much." She backs away a bit. "Just give it a try, so me what you've got."

…Do I really have to? Oh geez. Okay, just let me look over the paper once more…Okay, I _think_ this will work. I pull my Buster from my side and hold it towards the air.

Oh God, I'm gonna look so stupid if this fails.

"_Energy Sign "Plasma Volley" !_"

**THROB!**

Agh? My arm!

My arms falls back in front of me in an entirely straight position. From the Buster's opening, a wave of white energy carves out over my arm up to the shoulder in a very…_familiar_ cylinder.

_WHIRRRR…_

Ah…What's with the noise? WHOASHIT-

_BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAMBAMBAMBAMBA-A-A-AM!_

Well, t-that certainly worked! Charge shots begin blasting from the tip at an incredible speed! One, two, three…there's like, twenty of them! That's not the end, though. All the orbs go bounding about the area, actually bouncing several times, and…will it? C'mon, c'mon…

And yes! They all come back to each other and erupt in a wide pillar of blue light!

Ooh…pretty…er, no. Stop thinking stupidly.

"Well, now." Reimu approaches, the corners of her mouth slightly turned upwards, "Safe to say the Spell Card's a success. Though, given you actually took the time to develop one, it's not too surprising."

Ah? What's that supposed to mean?"

"What are you saying, that people come up with these in the middle of a fight?" That's just stupid!

"Actually, that's pretty common amongst the youkai who use them." …Le sigh. Once again, human mind trumps youkai body. Yay for ingenuity. "Don't take on such a look. Sometimes inspiration strikes during battle and a card pops out of nowhere."

"What, is it like a working of the subconscious mind, something like that?" All Reimu can offer is a shrug. "Well, whatever." I hold the magical object between my fingers. "One card's all I need, right?"

"For your trip, yes. Don't think for a minute you won't need more, though." She took an absent-minded glance about the shrine. "Right. Anyways, there's no sign of Yukari, so consider the leash off, for now." Oi! Not funny, stop giggling!

"Well, if you're going to have that kind of attitude, I'll just keep company at a blood drinker's home, thank you!" I turned my nose up dramatically and turned away, heading down the shrine's steps.

"Oh, one more thing!" Reimu called. "If Patchouli starts getting overly eager in the experiments, call it quits!" That's…actually very good advice. Given Ganske's "nucking futs" status, I'll not take the risk of an obsessive sorceress.

With that all said and done, I build up pressure in my legs and take off in a staggering horizontal leap.

Tallyho~!

* * *

Yukari closed the gap from which she had been watching Ryan going about his morning.

Energy conversion, huh? So that was his power. That could…attract certain attentions. And the last person she wanted to take a special interest in him was Remilia Scarlet, but Yukari was hardly concerned. The brat typically managed to scare people off of her own accord, anyhow.

Still, the problem lied not with who would want such an ability, but how the ability itself might develop. If it had just been elements like fire, there'd be no cause for concern. But danmaku, Spell Cards, _the power with which the maid could slow time_? That could get out of control if precautions weren't taken.

…

Hm. "Control" … Yukari snapped her fingers to herself. This might work.

"Ran?" The ancient youkai called. A gap opened in the wall of her room, and her nine tailed shikigami emerged.

"Yes, Yukari? Is something the matter?" Yukari chuckled at her question.

"Ah, so quick to expect trouble…no, nothing is _wrong_, but I should like you to go run an errand for me." Ran's ears flicked, and she awaited the order silently. "…Not very talkative today? Oh well. In any case, head for the Tengu mountains. I should like to arrange a meeting." Ran sighed.

"With _them_, I imagine?"

"No, just the taller one." She blinked at Ran's continued presence. "Well? Off with you."

Ran departed through the gap she'd entered from, leaving Yukari back to her silent scheming.

* * *

Left! Left! Left-right-left!

Come on, you sissy legs! I need better air time than that!

Though, given I could never travel like this before, what reason do I have to complain?

The way these jumps work is pretty simple. However I'm trying to angle myself, I'll go flying accordingly. I'm keeping it at…oh, I'd say thirty-five degrees. I'm trying for distance, not height.

Yes, I know forty-five is the best for that. However, the last thing I want is to be bounding around high in the air like a jackass for any monsters or fairies to see. I'll sacrifice a little distance for avoiding the hassle, thank you.

_FWOOSH!_

Crap! Speaking of which, I just blazed past a cluster of them!

"Kya-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Oh, damnit. One of em' spotted me. "C'mon everybody, let's get this one!"

I take a moment to angle myself in the direction of the fairy who had given me away, grabbing the top of her head.

"Wha-? L-Lemmie go, you jerk!"

"Gladly."

_Whump._

Slamming their faces into the dirt is still satisfying. Unnecessary, but satisfying.

ER. That is, punishment for causing me trouble! Ah-ha-ha… I need help. Speaking of help, here come the cavalry! A whole bunch of generic rats with wings, come to cause me strife. Well, if I know one thing about fairies after last night, it is that aside from being annoying, they regenerate after being killed. They have an auto-resurrection factor.

_Shwing!_

Meaning I don't have to feel bad about using my sword.

I go ballistic into wide, sideways swipes, cleaving through a few at a time, the victims to my handy blade exploding in cloudy "poof"s. Seeing how they're not getting anything done, the fairies proceed to gather at my front and start sending bullets my way. Ha, what're they smirking for? These shots are so slow, and their aim is terrible! I should like to send every one of these wimps to a marksman class!

Oh, wait. The simplicity is what makes it fun.

"Kyaaaaaa!"

"Waugh!"

"Damn human!"

The above were the simultaneous shouts of the next three I slashed through, never losing my stride as the wall of weaklings before me opens.

…Huh. That was weird. Normally the back of my mind would be nagging me to hell for doing such a terrible thing. However, for the life of me, I can't feel bad about mowing them down! If this is my confidence high from last night still going, I'd hate to see when it'll end.

The stragglers are still yelling angrily in those squeaky voices, shooting in my general direction, but I'm outrunning their shots in the first place, so there's no point in worrying. Those bullets just fizzle out of existence after a certain distance, anyway. How do I know this? I'm looking over my shoulder!

…Wait, why the hell am I doing _that_? Turn around!

Whoo! Almost pulled a Meiling and hit that tree! Well, with the battle over, I put my sword away. Good boy, Stabby! You'll be as good as Shooty yet!

I come to a halt at the edge of the lake. There's the SDM, right on the other side! Glancing to the water's edge, I can make out the strip of land I'd used to escape Meiling the first day. Now, I could play it safe and go the long way, but what's the use? There are a few rocks sticking out of the water, I'll just use them as stepping stones. Boing!

_Tmp!_

Heh. Easy! Now all that's left to do is… ah? What's this coldness?

Br-r-r-r-r! A chilling mist is covering the lake's surface! Oh, great. Someone's looking for a tussle, and something tells me this isn't going to be as easy as a few fairies! Well, better not keep the lady waiting…unless it's actually a dude? Yeah, right.

"A-A-A-Alright!" I call, fighting my shivering, "Come out, whoever you are!"

"Eye knew you'd come, you bully!"

…

…Did she just say "eye", like "eyeball" ?

"I saw how you hurt all those fairies! Well, eye won't stand for it!"

…Yeah, she's definitely saying "eye", not "I" .

"Now you face…" Here she comes! "The STRONGEST!"

…

It's a fairy. A blue haired fairy. I can't believe I got worked up over this.

"Alright, I can deal!" I smirked. "But you might wanna call the youkai who's making it cold out here! I don't think it'll be a fair fight otherwise!"

"Huh?" She blinked. "What're you saying? What youkai? Eye'm the only one out here!"

"Yeah, right!" I laugh at your anger, little fairy. "All right, show's over! Wherever you are, your fairy failed. Come on out!" Seriously, I think you'd get it the first time! Stop hiding, you're not fooling me!

"There is no youkai! Eye'm not anybody's worker!" Whoa, the temperature just dropped a little more! "How dare you mock me, the strongest fairy ever!" Huh. She really might be the one responsible for this! Hey, far be it from me to be a bigot. Magic is magic, a fairy might actually be able to be tough.

"Well, I'll be damned! So you really are the one making it cold?" The fairy folded her arms in a tomboyish manner, giving an affirmative nod. "I'll admit, you do seem tougher than the other fairies! Although, they picked the fight, so it's hardly my fault."

"Eh? Don't lie to me! You didn't have to cut them up!" Well, that's true. "Eye, Cirno, the strongest, will punish you for your evil!"

"Evil? Really? Don't you know what "self-defense" is?" I sigh. "Well, fine then. Come on, Cirno!"

_**Cue Music: Touhou Hisoutensoku - "Otenba Koimusume"**_

"Take this! _Ice Sign "Icicle Machine Gun" _!" Cirno brings her palms together, causing a stream of icicles of shoot my way. Ha! All I have to do is dodge roll, and…

…Oh crap, I forgot I'm on the water! Jump!

I land on a rock and pull out my firearm, letting off several shots. Cirno wave her arms in a frightened, frantic manner before flying out of the way. Oh no, you don't! I point the weapon her way, firing a two-second Charge Shot. Not very powerful, but seeing the white orb pop in her face leads me to believe I've done some damage.

"Ow-ow-ow!" She whines, holding her face. "Unfair!"

"Deal with it!" I barrel her way, grabbing her leg in midair. "Gotcha!"

"Hey, let go of my leg!" Funny thing about the last one who said that… Nah, I'll just chuck ya into the water.

"Ora!" I yell as fling the fairy by her leg. Cirno skips across the lake's surface before hitting a rock that's jutting out.

"Oof!" She rubs her hind end, angered eyes tearing up a bit. "Okay, now eye'm gonna get serious!"

"Yeah, whatever!" Just shoot a few more times, and… W-What the hell? My bullets, she…!

She FROZE them?

"Ha-ha-ha!" Cirno laugh, fists planted on her hips. "Now you get it? Eye can freeze bullets! Now, are you gonna beg me for mercy?"

…Rrgh. It figures, idiocy compensated for by an ability nobody else has.

"C'mon! Say, 'eye'm sorry Miss Cirno who is super strong' ."

Wait. The bullets are…twitching? They're barely being kept frozen?

"Do eye have to freeze you too? Stop being quiet~!" It looks like she's getting impatient. Luckily, I have a theory to be tested!

"Hey, Cirno…" I grin. "How good are you at math?"

"The strongest math!" Did I mention stupidity helps a great deal towards testing said theory? It really does.

"Good enough. Now, I want you to count to five, can you do that?"

"Yes eye can!" She folds her arms. Cue the charging noise. "One! Two! Four!"

"It's three."

"Eye know that! Three! Four!"

"Five." Charge Shot…NOW! HEE-YAAAAH! Cirno shoots an icy mist from her hands, but the shot is totally unaffected.

"Wah!" Cirno twists through the air, barely evading the blast. "How'd you shoot a round laser?"

Ha! So, that's the secret to it. You can't freeze enhanced danmaku, like a concentrated blast, or…lasers?

"Let me ask: how'd you figure what you can't freeze?" I'd like to think it from being blasted.

"I was training! …With the witch's lasers." I thought so. …Wait.

"You actually endured Marisa's Master Spark multiple times?" There's no way. Cirno cringes a bit, then speaks.

"Yeah…that's right! Are you impressed?" …Actually, yes. I'd never have the guts to look Marisa's hakkero in the face. To take a beating like that and learning such a useful skill from it deserves some credit. Cirno blinks at my lack of response. "Why don't you taaaaalk?"

"No, it's not that, I'm just…surprised. Not as much impressed as surprised, but I have to give you props." I clap twice. "Still, don't think that's gonna earn you your win!"

"Don't be sure! _Ice Sign "Sword Freezer" _!" Cirno extends her arm, ice chunks building in her hand. Within moments, a sword of ice is twirling in her fingers. "Now you lose!" She charges my way. Heh, you want a sword fight? Fine, bring it!

"Engaurde!" I present my own blade and block her flying stab.

"Huh? Rrrrrgh…!" Cirno begins to drive the point of her blade rapidly and blindly in my direction, but my steel easily blocks her ice, from which chucks are beginning to fly. "Hiyah!" At the last stab, her blade shatters against my own. "Eeeeeeeeh?" Ignoring the hilariously adorable look of confusion on her face, I bring my foot up and launch it forwards.

_WHUMP!_

"Ouch!" The ice fairy cries as she is sent reeling a few meters, before steadying herself and looking me square in the eye. "Why didn't you use your sword? Are you mocking me?"

"Not entirely." I said, sheathing my weapon and once more drawing my Buster. "You wanted a sword fight. You lost the sword fight. The rest of the duel goes on." Cirno clenches her fists and throws them around in an airborne tantrum.

"Fine! Eye'll finish you now!" Cirno raised her arms to the side. "_Freeze Sign "Perfect Freeze" _!" An icy blue shock way emits from the fairy. I brace myself, and…nothing happens. What, was that just for freezing bullets, she expected me to shoot? Heh, that was…why are you smiling?

-! Gh! My legs! The attack was for freezing _me_!

"It's over!" Cirno clenches her fist, then punches towards the sky. " _Ice Cube "Great Crusher" _!" Shit! A giant chunk of ice is forming over my head! Wh-whadda I do? It's my first solo match with Spell Cards, I can't lose to a fairy, even _if_ she is the strongest of her species! Gah…I need help…!

**THROB!**

W-What was-?

"_Colorful Fortress "Rainbow Barricade" _!" My arms extend to my front on their own, and my body is encased in a rainbow diamond-shaped prism!

_CLANG!_

"Ah?" Cirno gasps, eyes ridiculously wide. Her Ice Crusher slams against the top of my shelter, where a crackling of energy can be heard. At once, all the barrier's power zips upward, exploding against the ice.

For a moment, there is silence. The paricles shimmer down around me, my legs no longer frozen. Cirno can't even form a response, her mouth acting in incoherent babbling.

You know…even though she's an idiot, I will give Cirno this: she knows how to work with what she's got. Ice is a very powerful element, and even though she'll probably only scratched the surface of what it can do…hey, she's a fairy. Still…

_CLICK_

I'm not about to lose here.

"Thanks for the match, ice fairy. It was fun." I raise my Buster. "_Energy Sign_…" The gun points in her direction, now extending a wave of power over my arm. " _"Plasma Volley" _!"

Cirno frantically waves her arms, still stammering, as all globe bullets bound towards her off of the lake and rocks before finally hitting home.

"W-WAIT! WAIT! WAAAAAUUUUGH!" One last cry is heard as she is engulfed in the explosion, and a sound like breaking glass is heard.

_KREEEEEEEEEESH!_

_**End Music**__  
_

All the intensity of the atmosphere fades. The icy mist is no longer present. And Cirno, my bumbling but entertaining opponent, is floating on her back in the water, eyes swirling. I put my gun away, it's duty being done.

"Hey!" I call. "You still alive over there!"

"Ow…of course eye am!" Cirno moans, lifting herself into the air once more. "Eye told you, I'm the strongest!"

"The strongest _fairy_, anyway." I laugh. Granted, it wasn't much, but I'll let her keep the title until I'm shown otherwise. "Still…not bad, not bad at all." She turns her back to me, grunting.

"Don't make fun of me."

"Ah, call it what you will." I make to continue my trip to the mansion. "Seeya, 'strongest' ."

"Wait!" Huh? What is it? "Well, you should be honored eye'm asking this, but what's your name?" Oh yeah, never introduced myself.

"Ryan Randa, pleased to meetcha." Cirno paused, humming some as she forms a retort.

"Y-Yeah? Well don't get cocky, Randa!" She places her fists at her hips. "From now on, we're rivals! You hear me?"

"Yeah, sure." Heh, rivals, as if. …Wait, what? "Hold on a second, I'm not sure that's a-"

"Bitter rivals!" Cirno cuts me off. "So you'd better not lose to anyone…but me!" The fairy takes off, laughing diabolically as she flies.

…Oi. As long as Reimu and Marisa never hear about this, I'll be fine. Not Meiling, either. Taking yet another sigh, I continue on my way to the SDM.

"Why me?"

**

* * *

Well, readers, now we have another character who'll be showing up more than others! Cirno, the Ice Fairy and self-proclaimed strongest in Gensokyo. She's gotten quite a bit more skilled following the events of Hisoutensoku and Fairy Wars, enough that she could be credibly called the strongest **_**fairy**_**, if nothing else. Since the events of Fairy Wars, and her defeat of an "Easy Mode" Marisa as well as a lenient Utsuho, she sees herself as a self-stylized warrior, even though she doesn't fit the part at all. As such, she believes she must have a rival to keep the image. In enters poor Ryan, who she will now hassle until she gets her victory.**

**In any event, in our next chapter, Ryan spends some time in the library of the mansion! Will anything interesting happen? It's Gensokyo, take a good guess.**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!**

**PS: Notice the chapter name. See what I did there?  
**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello, readers! Seeing as I've not too many reviews, I think I'll instead take this time to address the ones I do have, rather than the typical opening.**

***puts on reading glasses***

**A-HEM!**

**ShimmerMist has commented twice, addressing possible characters. To you, my good reader, I apologize for making you wait on Cirno. It's just…well, the way I had it planned out, there would be a Cirno battle falling on the ninth chapter. The NINTH chapter! It was too good to pass up. Nitori and Kanako? Heh-heh…let's just say they'll come as a package deal. I'll leave you to your conclusions. Also, I do hope your story continues.**

**Oh, one last thing: Utsuho? **_**Yes. A million times yeeeeees~.**_**That is all.**

**Xavic, my fellow writer of insert shenanigans! I honestly didn't know about that bit of trivia with Reimu's little catchphrase! I might have to work that in, somewhere… As for Flandre? Yes, "Oh crud" describes the situation to a "T". Combine the intensity of the fights with Meiling and Sakuya/Patchouli, then multiply it by two. You have the approximate threat level by rounding up a large margin. In any event, still following your story!**

**KingofHeartless'09? Erm…I like Yukari too? Please do be a touch more in-depth, though.**

**PhoenixLord, you seem quite the accomplished ficcer, so I appreciate the notice! However, Ryan's still a work-in-progress. If you want to see some of the best OC's I've read for on this site, see Ken from "Crossing the Border", Kaito from "Unparalleled Ayakashi Incident" or Shinki from "Touhou Chronicles". They all blow poor Ryan away. I might be underestimating myself, but I still recommend those fics anyway. **

**Bluewolf963, I am glad you've taken interest, sir! Cirno is indeed a fun character to type for. However, don't read too much into the "rival" bit. Yes, I recognize her as being a stronger character then back in the sixth game, but…well, compare it to Okami. Susano called Amaterasu his "brother in arms", thinking he was her equal. Now replace Susano with Cirno and Ammy with Ryan. There you have it. And as you'll see in the chapter below, Ryan is indeed utterly screwed with Patchy. And it makes for good ratings, so I have no pity for him! Huzzah, ratings!**

**Without anymore delay, let the chapter begin!**

* * *

Chapter Ten: Bibidi-Babidi-Boom

"Hello?" That's odd. Meiling's nowhere to be seen. "Meiling? Sakuya? Somebody?"

Silence.

Alright, you asked for it.

"Heeeeey, Chiiiiii-naaaa~!" I call, cupping my hands to my mouth. Immediately after, I draw my sword in a defensive position.

"Haaaaaaaaaa!" Meiling's foot goes crashing into the metal, forcing her to a halt. See? I'm steadily learning. "Uh? Oh! Hello, Ryan-san." The girl kicked off my weapon, landing on the ground two feet or so away in a bow of respect.

"Hey, Mei. I thought you got a knife in the head for not being at your post yesterday?" Yeah, I'm calling her "Mei" now. One-syllable words for the win and/or simpler sentence. Right away the guard breaks out in a nervous sweat.

"Ah…" She stammers while glancing over her shoulder, as if expecting the sinister housekeeper to appear that very moment. Although given Sakuya can stop time and essentially teleport as far as the rest of us are concerned, I can see why that might be common. "I was busy…d-doing my rounds! Hai. I was checking the perimeter for intrusion!"

I bet you were sleeping in the garden. I won't say anything, though, that one question has tortured you enough for now.

"Yeah, whatever you say." Don't give me that surprised look, you weren't fooling anyone. "Anyways, I'm here to see a man about a horse." Meiling blinks in confusion.

"…How would a human on horseback have entered the mansion?" Oi.

"J-Just let me in to see Patchouli." I have no patience to explain figures of speech to you, my friend.

"Yes, of course!" Meiling stands aside, bowing slightly once more. "I hope you two have fun!" Yeah, I didn't want to fight you again or anything to get in a second time. Especially if you're going to be hurling those colorful darts at-

…hold up. "Colorful". What is it I'm trying to remember?

LE GASP! Wait one cotton-picking second!

"_**Colorful Fortress "Rainbow Barricade" !"**_

…That barrier what saved me from a giant ice cube. From inside, it looked like a giant version of…

"Hey, Meiling?" Chances are I'm wrong, but if I'm not…

"Yes, Ryan-san?" The guard replies.

"What kind of signs do your spell cards use?" Meiling adopts a cheeky grin, crouching in a battle stance.

"Well, would you like to see them first hand?" Agh! No, no! Shake your head, damn you! "Ha-ha, I'm kidding. My cards all really revolve around the idea of "color" ."

…Well, now.

"Okay, I was ah, just wondering." I wave to her as I speed along. "I'll see you later, Mei."

* * *

This is wonderful. Y'know, given that I was just following Meiling the first time, I never really took the time to notice where the path was to the library. And on the way out, I'd been led by the mistress.

This is all an elaborate way of saying "I'm lost" by the way.

At the very least, the fairy maids haven't given me any hassle. They haven't been help either, though. Here comes three of them now. Watch what happens.

"Hey, you fairies there!" They stop, looking at me quizzically. "Yeah, could any of you point me towards the library? I'd appreciate it."

They point in three different directions, break into a chorus of giggling, then fly away. I can see why you'd need a super maid to compensate for these idiots. And still, I can't for the life of me find my way around these halls. I can understand why Remilia would want the place bigger on the inside than it is on the outside, but this is just silly.

-!

Woah! A chill just ran down my spine. If fictional clichés still hold true, someone may very well be watching me. Well, I don't have reason to worry, everyone here's okay with me, right?

"Hello? Somebody around here?" There's a light landing sound from behind.

"Hi, Randa-kun!" Oh god, that's right. There's _her_. I turn and nervously wave to Flandre, who is smiling at me with wide eyes. "What are you doing back?"

"Huh? You know. I'm here to see Patchouli." Flandre just tilts her head, still smiling. "…She invited me back last night?" Flandre _was_ there, wasn't she?

"…Right, I remember now!" She grins and claps her hands together. "Are you lost Randa-kun?" This is not where I had wanted this conversation to go. I would much rather have been shooting the breeze then seeing her off, even if it meant fumbling around aimlessly. Still, I have to trust that she's not going to do anything…

"Yeah, actually." Self-preservation, take the day off. You've earned it. "I don't suppose you could show me how to get there?"

"Okay!" Giggling like a little imp, Flandre took to the air a foot or two above my head, my wrist in her grasp. "C'mon, Randa-kun, this way!"

* * *

I'd like to say two things. First off, Flandre has one powerful grip for a little girl. Secondly, thank god for my newfound leg strength that bullshitted its way out of nowhere during last night's events. Not only is it good for jumping, but long-term sprints! I could swear once or twice she sped up just for the sake of taking my arm with her and leaving the rest of me. At any rate, we've come to a stop outside the libraby's double doors, leaving me gasping a bit and the little sister not any worse for wear.

"Here we are! Hee, wasn't that fun?" She claps her hands behind her back, the innocent farce given away by her red eyes.

"Define…fun." I get out in between panting. She just laughs at my disposition.

"Hee-hee, you're silly. I'm going now, by Randa-kun!" With that, the younger devil takes off, leaving me before the book-holding sanctum. Well, might as well make myself known!

_**Knock-knock**_

"Who's out there?" Huh? That's a voice I haven't heard before. Is someone else visiting?

"I'm Ryan Randa, I'm here by Patchouli's invitation!" I call to whoever's on the other side.

"I don't know you! How can I know for certain you're not lying?"

"Goodness, Koakuma, just open the door." Came Patchouli's distant voice. A sigh came from the other girl.

"Alright, Miss Patchouli." A loud creaking sound filled the hall as the doors before me parted. "Please come in, Mr. Randa."

Gah! My senses are clouding again! Koakuma is that succubus I saw knocked out! Erm, I really shouldn't move any closer, but I have to get in and she's not moviiiiing!

"Oh? Is something wrong?" When I wanted you to "move" I didn't mean "move in my direction" ! "You look ill. Miss Patchouli, I believe your guest might be under the weather!"

Patchouli descends into view, analyzing the situation. Oh thank goodness, maybe she can get the hint!

"Ryan, are you unwell?" I nod. "Would you…care to reschedule our appointment?" No, not that! I point twice in Koakuma's direction.

"Uh? Hey, that's rude!" Koakuma growls, hands on her hips. Patchouli smiles and covers her mouth, understanding now my discomfort.

"Koa, I do believe you should back away from him, a good five meters if you may." Koakuma turns back to Patchouli, shocked and wide-eyed.

"Whaaaa? But Miss Patchouli, I didn't-" She pauses. She looks back at me. She then backs away. "…_Oh_."

"Thank you." I sigh, stepping into the library at last. Almost instantly, my thoughts have been cleared of the fogginess from her presence.

"Pervert." Koakuma mutters, blushing as she keeps that distance. Hey, that's not fair! Patchouli just smirks at her…assistant, I'm guessing.

"Now Koa, don't be like that. Male creatures can't avoid that effect, you should know." Koakuma half-heartedly concedes under her breath, and the librarian turns her attention to me. "In any case, thank you for coming, Ryan. I know you'd probably like getting to know Gensokyo a tad more thoroughly, but I simply couldn't allow this kind of research to pass me by."

"Eh, it's understandable." I respond, waving it off. "In any case, where do you want to do this?"

"The center, where my desk lies. Please follow me." Patchouli hovers off towards the center of the massive room. I trod alongside her, while Koakuma follows at the appointed safe distance. Oh, right, I forgot to ask her something!

"Hey, Patchouli!" She glances back towards me.

"Yes? What is it?"

"Have there been any examples of people…I don't know, assimilating other people's types of power for their own Spell Cards?" Patchouli puts a hand to her chin in thought.

"Hm. Well, Satori of the underground has been known to use Spell Cards of which her opponent is familiar, but never has actually altered them." She pauses, eying me closely. "What brought on this question?"

"Well," I chuckle sheepishly. This'll be hard to explain. "a little while ago, that girl Cirno challenged me to a fight."

"The ice fairy." She states to confirm things.

"Right. While we were going at it, I made a new Spell Card. I called it Colorful Fortress "Rainbow Barricade" ." Patchouli raises her eyebrows at this new information.

"Colorful, you say?" She turns, facing me as she floats backwards. "Sounds quite a bit like one of Meiling's, was that the inspiration?"

"That's just it: until I got here today, I had never even knew what her Spell Cards revolved around, she didn't use any in our match yesterday. My only clue was that the barrier looked like her danmaku." Patchouli stopped outright, closing her eyes in thought.

"…How very interesting. If I may, would you show me the card?" Oh, right. Card.

"Well…an actual card didn't appear."

"And you are certain that it was a Spell Card?"

"Positive." I hold out my hand, where my Energy Volley card appears, floating over my palm. "I've made one of my own, so I had it to use as reference."

"So you would know for certain? Peculiar." We pass the final rows of shelves, and Patchouli hovers over to her desk. "I suppose my personal projects will have to wait. No sense in letting a Spell Card go to waste." She raises her palm towards me.

Hey, what're you - flying.

Flying.

Why am I airborne? Patchy, what's the meaning of this?

"Our guard did manage to hit you yesterday," Patchouli begins, hovering in front of me, "right there, where your attire is ripped in several places, yes?" That reminds me, while my arms are outstretched and I cannot budge an inch, I oughta hit Yukari up for getting my shirts from back home. Still, why is my tattered threads important?

"Yeah, she did. A couple of times." I eye the sorceress warily as she circles my prone form. "Er…why is that important?" Patchouli ignores my question entirely.

"Koakuma." At once, the succubus is at her master's side, and I'm finding it hard to think. "Keep the boy content a few moments. I need to perform an extraction."

WHAT?

"Hold up, what do you mean 'extraction' ? This isn't cool! Patchou-hoooo…" Agh…personal…space…Koakuma!

Why…so…sleepy…

"You are satisfied. You are at peace. There is no reason for alarm." Koakuma speaks in a low voice, floating at my side. She turns to her boss, whispering. "Am I doing it right, Miss Patchouli?"

"Yes, Koakuma, very good. Now, try not to be in front of him while I ready the conjuring spell."

Heh-heh! Conjuring spell, whaaaaa? You're funny, pajama zombie magic lady.

What's she doin', Miss Koa…Koku…Koko! Yeah, that sounds pretty. Pretty like Miss Koko.

Aw, why are you all the way over there for? That's not fair…your faithful servant is being all nice and still, just like you asked! Don't be four inches from me, please? Hows about three? Or two? Five?

Oh, five's _farther_, riiiiiight.

"Alright, Koa, that's quite enough." Patchouli's palm glows a bright yellow, sending a beam into the place on my chest where I done got blasted.

…Wait, what am I doing here? Why am I floating?

Why do I want cocoa? And why do I think that word is spelled with a "k"?

_**THROB!**_

"_Hhhhhhhhhrgh_?" YEEEEOOOOOWCH!

"Oh, dear. Perhaps a few more moments would have been better."

"Sorry, Miss Patchouli!"

Patchouli! You're gonna pull out my freaking ribs! Cut it out, cut it out, cut it OUUUUUUWWWWARGH!

_**Warble-warble-warble…**_

…Hah…hah…it stopped.

Whoo…hah…well, I did want her to "cut it out", I guess. I am so glad now that I didn't sign a contract to these experiments of yours.

"Sorry about that, Ryan. I had believed the effects of Koakuma's presence would have lasted longer." I ought to point out that, while she says this, she doesn't seem remorseful in the slightest. "Oh well. For future reference, I suppose."

"Yeah, whatever." I snap, getting the cricks out of my neck once I'm back on the ground. "The next time you're going to try and substitute anesthesia, do me a favor and suppress the urge!"

"I shall admit fault. However," Patchouli tosses a thin object my way, which I catch between my fingers. "if nothing else, this should compensate you for your grief."

Huh? What's…

…This is the Spell Card! I get it now, it was to get the card out of my body!

"It would also seem my hypothesis was correct." Patchouli nodded mostly to herself, going through a drawer in her desk. "The card was formed from the energy caught in your body, but was trapped beneath the bruised flesh."

So that's why it hurt so much! She was using magic to burn through the bruising to extract the card!

Hold on a second.

"Patchouli, how were you even sure that was the case?" I pull up a chair from the corner and sit by her desk, hands in my lap. "It could've been a fluke."

"I doubt it. For starters, you showed an affinity for absorbing danmaku-forming magics. Secondly, an object as definite as a Spell Card is never temporary or an illusion - if it was used, it must exist somewhere." She withdraws a book from which she begins flipping pages. "The problem isn't necessarily 'why', however. The key aspect is 'how' ."

"How'd I make a Spell Card from being a pincushion, you mean?" Patchouli nods affirmatively. "Do you have any ideas?"

"Well, there is one." She rises from her chair, heading over to a row of books. "There is another in Gensokyo with abilities similar to your own. You remember I spoke of a person called 'Satori' ?"

"Yes," I begin, "but you said her case was different."

"It is. I'm not referring to her, but to her servant. Well, 'pet', actually." She finds the tome she seeks, setting it on the desk. "A raven who is called Utsuho Reiuji. You see, she too can absorb and produce energy, albeit one form: nuclear power."

…I'm sorry, I'm not certain I heard you right. You said "nuclear" ? There's an A-bomb youkai in Gensokyo, now?

"The raven didn't acquire this power through her own means, though. The most popular rumor is that she ate the body of a god who held it first, the mountain gods also say this is true. Still, their word is questionable."

C'mon, suspension of disbelief, don't fail me now!

"At any rate, I'm getting off-topic. From kappa reports that I've acquired through bargaining, Utsuho at first could barely contain this ability without going mad. However, the more exposure she had to the power, the better she became at controlling it. However, with each bit of progress made, it had taken a larger step each time for a noteworthy development." She shuts one book, seeming satisfied with whatever she has found.

"So, if I'm anything like this…Utsuho person, then I'm not going to pull this off again just by being blasted a few times?" I think I'm getting the point.

"Almost. It's more along the lines of that, at the time, your body wasn't trained to take a danmaku burst and keep going. It was much more dangerous and massive to you at the time, which was why such a powerful item formed as a result. Still, very similar." Patchouli stands, facing me with a resolute look. "This leads to my next experiment. Are you prepared?"

"As long as this one isn't painful."

"It shouldn't be." She strolled around the corner of the desk. "Marisa was by earlier to…tie up loose ends, as you may imagine. I loaned her a few tomes in exchange for knowing what elements you have experience with. She told me you are familiar with containing fire and other heat sources?"

"You were told right." Still, I feel bad she had to give away some of her books for this. Guess they weren't important. Patchouli raises her palms, in which two orbs appear. In the left hand, there is fire. In the right, there is electricity.

"I'm going to test your endurance, Ryan. I intend to shoot these orbs at you, one after the other. Do you follow?" Yeah, sure. "First, you will need to absorb the flame. Do not block nor deflect, consume it. Following the fire, I will launch the thunder orb, and you must draw it in as well."

"I'm not too sure about this. I did manage fire, but I've never touched thunder before." Patchouli considers this.

"Alright, we'll try the thunder first. Ready?" I crouch, raising my shoulders so my body is curving some.

"Let me have it." Patchouli thrusts her palm forward, the dangerous projectile launching towards me. The thunder crashes against my torso, knocking me back a bit. However, I'm not feeling any pain…just a tingling of sorts. However, it hasn't been broken down, still pressing against me with considerable force.

"Come on, Mr. Randa! Suck in in!" Koakuma shouts encouragement from the sidelines. Well, since you asked so nicely…

"Hrgh!" I tense my pectorals as much as I can, and the orb begins to flicker erratically. However, within moments, it breaks at the center, reduced to streams of electricity that enter my chest at different spots. The process has left me winded, and my chest feels pretty tight, but I'm not in any real pain.

"Ryan? You seem to be struggling…" Patchouli dismisses the fire orb, appearing concerned for my well-being.

"Agh…I'm…fine." Come on, body, stand up straight, don't want to lose face here. "It feels a lot different…than fire. It's kind of forcing me to hunch over, like something's pulling on my shoulders."

"Hm. Feel free to release it now."

"Haaagh…" It doesn't take much effort, like the bubble. Nor do I have to redirect it, like fire. Truth of the matter is, once I'm not forcing myself to keep it in, the power just bursts from my sides, from my fingers, my head and feet…I think my body was actually rejecting it. In any case, breathing becomes a whole lot easier, so I take a few moments to gulp in some air.

"Are you okay?" Koakuma approaches as much as she can without breaching the safe zone.

"Yeah, I'm good." My hair's a bit frazzled, my fingers are twitching, and I think my heartbeat may have been a bit offset. Totally fine. Well no, but I still want to explore my limits, so I'm not gonna quit this early on. "I'm ready for the fire, Patchouli."

"Well…as long as you're sure." Hesitating for but a moment, Patchouli brings forth the orb again, taking aim at me. "Brace yourself." The flame darts forward, hitting me square in the collar. This is nowhere near as hard as the electric shot. All it takes is a little tensing, and the projectile phases through, a familiar heat zipping through my veins. "Are you well?"

"You kidding? Kid's stuff." You need a demonstration, ladies? How's about jumping around a few times? Jogging in a circle? A handstand - OH GOD, BAD IDEA.

**WHUMP**

"Ow." The ladies chuckle a bit. To all the big fellas out there, never try to handstand for the sake of showing off.

"Well, he still held it when he fell on his face, Miss Patchouli." Koakuma pipes up.

"Indeed. Well, you can let it go, now."

"What? Screw that, gimmie the thunder." This might be a bad idea, but best to get it over with now.

"Ryan, it might be better we don't. You clearly had a hard time handling it on its own, combined with fire may be a bit much." I know she's right, but maybe mixing and matching elements would help relieve the pressure a bit?

"Just go for it." I insist. "If it becomes too much for me, I'll just throw it out as quick as I can get it to."

"Very well." Patchouli gestures towards me, and another blast comes my way.

_**CRACKLE!**_

Woah, that one came at me right quick! Still, I'm ready this time! Rather than wait for the hit, I prepped myself for the absorption beforehand! The energy enters my chest far easier than before, and…I'm still feeling like a lead weight.

…Huh! My muscles aren't so stiff with the heat flowing through them! Still, my chest is really stiff. Maybe if I try to redirect into my veins like the-

…Fire?

_**WHUMP!**_

"Ryan!" Patchouli sounds shocked.

I can't see for sure, what with being paralyzed. Really, given I thought pushing electricity into my blood vessels was a good idea, I probably deserve this.

"Hey…Patch…"

"What is it?"

"Get…Koa…over here."

* * *

"So, what went wrong with that?"

"Electricity in veins."

"What made you think that was a good idea?"

"This is the same person who thought is was a good plan to grab fire, Miss Patchouli."

"Marisa said it _that_ way?"

The bottom line is, my nervous system got thrown out of whack, and it required Koakuma sitting centimeters away from me and a twice as powerful extraction spell to remove the voltage. Long story short: never make me your role model, kiddies. You'll get hurt right quick.

"Thanks for the save, Patchouli." I groan, picking myself off the ground.

"No trouble." She picked up a notebook and a pencil. "However, can you tell me what changes there were?"

"Well," I stretched my back, getting the aches from my torso, "My limbs could move a lot more freely, but my main body was still extremely stiff."

"Alright." Patchouli scribbled a few things down, "I can work with this, for now. Could I ask you to drop by in another two days?"

"Sure, why not?" I made for the door, before stopping. "Hey, Patchouli, do you know any teleportation spells?"

"I know of several. Why?"

"I feel like crap, and I really don't care to play with the fairies."

"That is understandable. Very well, stand very still." Patchouli raised her hands to the sky. "_Winds of travel, bring my target to the destination of my choosing!_" Huh. She's not saying this in Japanese or English, but I still understand it. Maybe I should thank Yukari for this, after all.

Woah, glowing symbols! I guess I'm gone!

"Have a good day, Mr. Randa!" Koakuma waves to me as I'm engulfed by the glow.

"Later, Patchouli! Seeya, Koakuma!"

_**SHOOOOOWSH!**_

* * *

Meanwhile, atop a mountain far away…

"So, Yukari, what did you want to see me about?"

"I wish to make a request of you. You remember your…negotiation with Nitori and the rest of the kappa?"

"If you intend to give me any hassle regarding this matter, Yukari, then I will have to cut this meeting short."

"Oh, not at all. Rather, I would ask for a project to be commissioned."

"Such as?"

"Nothing much, just a second control rod."

"I cannot ask this of them."

"Not to complain, but the reason being?"

"The first was a challenge enough for them as it was, and they're still recovering from the Hisou Tensoku fiasco."

"Well, that is fine, I suppose. In that case, I should like you to get in contact with Satori?"

"Yukari, why are you so interested in this matter?"

"I know someone who…identifies quite a bit with the subject of that experiment. Potentially, anyway."

"…Very well. I'll see what I can do."

"I appreciate you allowing me this meeting, I know we've rarely spoken."

"It's hardly a problem. Feel free to come by again another time."

"Thank you, Kanako."

**

* * *

**

**Well, it seems Ryan's pretty tuckered out, but he's not done with this day quite yet. It's high time he got to go around Gensokyo and see the sights! Not to mention that there's two characters in particular I'd like him to become acquainted with: a fellow member of the endangered male populous and a tengu who always prints the truth. The heavily, heavily edited truth.**

**Also, yay jump-cuts!  
**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!**

**Also, quick note: I'm aware there are more reviews now than at the time this is being typed out. I'll try and get those next chapter, okay? Seeya!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Salutations, readers! As I have promised, I shall now address reviewers added since the last time. Just let the Sasquatch get his reading glasses…**

**Ah! Here we are!**

**Darkhero What Must Be Done! Well, I could've, really. It's just that there's already a split-personality OC with a talking sword who's done that already, and I don't want to be a thief. **

**Also, "that's the second biggest drill I've ever seen" .**

**DuoOmega, your name reminds me of a long-forgotten Mega Man character. Ryan is indeed good at keeping certain urges to himself…unless Koakuma is involved, clearly. But she has the handicap of "causing men folk to act stupid", so you can't really blame him. Also, Patchouli isn't so much sadistic as uncaring. Right now, she just really cares about Ryan's power, not he himself.**

**Reisen and Tewi. A paranoid rabbit-servant and the Bugs Bunny of Gensokyo. Note that "Humor" is one of the story's categories. Freaking win all over the place. Just not yet.**

**Ah, Mawlsie. "YOU WANT MOOOORE~" ? …Er, sorry. Had to make the Twist reference. Read on, if you are so inclined!**

**Xavic: Damn it all, my remedial Star Fox knowledge has failed me. Also, glad you recognize that Cirno's not so helpless anymore. She had her own game, fer crying out loud.**

**Spellcard, thanks again for the PM. I'm glad you are following this story! Remember: any more questions, feel free to message me!**

**PeachDaisyAmy777 (OMGWTF FUSION-HAAA?) your kindness is appreciated. Also, eye am not the idiot. Ryan is for letting Cirno be his self-proclaimed rival.**

**Daniel14541, thankee, but do be a touch more specific, please.**

**Well, that's all of 'em! With that, we delve back into Ryan's mind for further shenanigans!**

* * *

Chapter 11: Dude? Dude! Duuuude…

Ah…I swear, one of these days, Common Sense is gonna beat out Curiosity and keep me from dangerous situations. And then where will I be? I'll be Ryan Randa: resident douchebag whose only method of getting through the day will be sitting around eating Fritos, contributing virtually nothing to the community. On the upside, that would also mean no more painful experiments. But then where will I get friends in the form of dangerous youkai to bail me out when I inevitably do something stupid? Call me crazy, but I think it'd be better to grit my teeth through a bit of physical harm so that when I end up pissing off some kind of demigod or another ridiculously overpowered foe, I'd have Marisa _and_ Patchouli to back me up, rather than they be too busy fighting over Patchy's books to value my well-being.

Still, I suppose I learned a valuable lesson. Electricity is dangerous. Sure, I absent-mindedly sucked up some power from a cord in my youth, but the real stuff is just too much for me. …Also, it's actually still pretty early in the day! I guess I could head back to the shrine, but… One second.

What's that sound? …People?

Is that the human village? Patchouli warped me _here_?

…Might as well have a look around. Who knows? Maybe I can find somewhere I can get a job.

"Heya, pal, how's it going?" Goodness! Truly, I am NOT the last male of the realm! A middle-aged fellow of bald head and rake in hand addresses me as I enter the living area. "You don't look familiar. New around here?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, you could say that." That reminds me! There's that "Rinnosuke" guy Reimu mentioned! He has a shop of stuff like back home would have! In the Gensokyo cast list, probably the most prominent dude, too. "Oh, hold on!"

"Yeah?"

"Could you direct me to a 'Kourindou' ?" The man's face twists into laughter from a moment of confusion. "Ah…did I say something funny?"

"From that Outside World, are ya?" Great Barrier Reef! That's common knowledge? "I get ya, I get ya. Now pay attention, guy." The older fellow points me north, past a small market area. I asked him how I'll know which one it is, since I can't very well read the signs.

"You'll know it." He grinned as he said this, "It's the only one nobody's touching."

Rest assured, that did not fill me with hope. Regardless, I turn to the north, walking through the moderately busy shopping center. As I pass, the shop keeps clearly see that I'm a new face, and start yelling in my direction what kind of wares they have, somewhat disregarding the people already requesting their services. One woman had grilled fish on a stick she was waving. A heavyset man was motioning extravagantly to his wooden furniture. A pair of women, who appeared to be twins, offered a look at accessories for that "special someone". As I passed them by, I refused their showings as hurriedly as possible. Finally, I came to a barren building on my left side. The sign above was a bit crooked, and a propane tank sat outside. Bingo.

"Agh, of course it'd be another outsider." _Excuse_ me, fat man? I whirl around quickly with an expression of pure "say that again, prick" . The large man stutters in nervous shock, then turns away, coughing and whistling. I thought so. Well, time to head in!

**Creeaak…**

"Ah, hello sir!" I didn't say that. The guy at the counter must have maybe observed me for a split second before deciding I was male and overeagerly greeting me. I guess you really don't get many customers?

In any case, I got my first good look at who I assume to be Rinnosuke. He looked pretty young, maybe early twenties. His robe was interrupted at the middle by a large pack about his abdomen. His hair was cut short, and was actually silver! Is he really human? Also, glasses. I guess he got lucky with what he picked up from the Outside World in order to snag a perfectly intact pair!

"Hey, dude!" I wave. He regards me with a smiling nod. "You wouldn't be Rinnosuke, would you?"

"That I am!" He stood from his chair, approaching me. "Have you come to make a purchase?"

"Er, sorry." I sheepishly rub the back of my head. Rinno looks a bit crestfallen. "I'm just browsing, mostly. That's the problem when you arrive without any of the local currency." Rinnosuke's face brightens a bit more.

"Ah, a new outsider?" Rinnosuke looks me up an down. "Well, I should've guessed from your clothing."

"Gensokyo's import, so I've been called." I extend my hand. I hope he gets it. "Ryan Randa, pleased to meetcha." To my pleasant surprise, he grasps my hand in a firm shake.

"A pleasure, Mr. Randa."

"Just Ryan is fine. Mr. Randa is my father!" Oh lord, that was stupid. He probably doesn't even-

"Ha-ha! A fine display of westernized humor!"

…get it?

"What, are you surprised?" Actually, very. How'd you get that joke? Rinnosuke walks over by a shelf of books, lightly knocking them with the back of his hand. "Plenty of materials from the west fall here, as well. I wouldn't be a very good shopkeep if I didn't understand my products, would I?"

"Yeah, I guess. Believe me, man, it's nice to be around someone other than Yukari who will get my sense of humor." Rinnosuke chuckles weakly, before hunching over some.

"Although that level of vague description is the best I can often manage…" Dude looks a bit down. Then again, Gensokyo is two hundred years thataway. I can get why he wouldn't understand some of what falls here other than books. "It's hard, as you can imagine. The only customers I receive are outsiders like yourself looking to adapt, and you all are far and few between."

"What," I begin, "none of the youkai have interest?"

"Just the kappa, who often send Nitori as their representative. And the girl is so shy she rarely comes even when she supposedly will."

"Not even Yukari?" But she's pro-outside baubbles!

"Oh, yes, she'll get goods…directly from the Outside World." Bloody hell, don't tell me she uses gaps for theft? "If she has any spares, she'll toss them my way. And of course…"

"Don't tell me: they just take up space?" Rinnosuke just shrugs. Damn, this guy really can't catch a break, can he? …Now that I'm really looking, most of these things have gotta be from the 2000s, at the earliest.

…Hello, except that!

"Hey, Rinnosuke," I ask approaching what's caught my eye, "how much is this Game Boy running?"

"The what?" …Oh yeeaaah, not tech-savvy. He approaches. "Is that what it's called?"

"Well, yeah." Rinnoskue strokes his chin some, hesitantly turning towards me. "Ryan, if I may ask…what purpose does this device serve?" Well, I guess could help him out… I motion towards the cartridge in the back. Hey, Donkey Kong Land, nice!

"You see this here? This is a game cartridge for the system. If you remove it," I take the game out and flip the switch, "you see? It's stuck in the loading screen. Now if I turn it off, and back on with the game in…there! You get the title screen."

"Hm…and would any cartridge resembling this work?" He holds up a smaller item. The game is - son of a gun, Mega Man & Bass. I wanted that, damnit! In any case, I shake my head.

"Sorry, it's gotta be a perfect fir for the hole." Unless you have a DS, but I'm not seeing any. …Hold on, now, this gives me an idea! "Hey, Rinnosuke, how many devices like this do you have?"

"Quite a few." He pauses. Trying to guess my motives, are we? "Didn't you say you were just browsing?"

"No, you're not getting it!" I follow as he approaches the shop's back, patting his shoulder. "Why don't you show me just what you're having trouble with, and I'll fill in the blanks."

"Ah!" Rinnosuke, my boy, you're looking mighty pleased! "Y-You mean it? Truly?"

"Sure thing, buddy." I give the thumbs-up of approval. "Just roll 'em in, and I'll do what I can."

"Yes, of course! I'll be but a moment!" Rinnosuke heads through a door behind the counter, and I take a seat on the bench near the pile of televisions. Rinnosuke can be heard in the back, fiddling with metallic objects. "Ryan, thanks for your help. I'm sorry to be a bother, or if I seem overeager."

"Don't mention it! I've got nothing' better to do!" A pause. Oh, right. "Hey, Rinno!"

"Yes?"

"I hate to be blunt, but aren't you human? What's with the silver hair?"

"You see…" Rustle-rustle-rustle… "I'm actually half-youkai."

"Dude!" I whistle. "And we're some of the only guys here! I bet that gives you a _lot_ of attention, eh?"

"Well…not as much as you'd think." Blink. Seriously?

"But Gensokyo's heavily youkai-populated! I think that'd give you some credit?"

"Aside from owning a failing shop, it doesn't help that I'm in my thirties." Buhwhaaaaaa?

"At least you've got a job! And you look like you're in your twenties, dude!"

"Warrior beats shopkeep. Also, youkai blood preserves well." Ah…

"Anyway, that's kind of contradictory. Some of these youkai are, like, hundreds of years old, right?"

"I'm sure I don't have to explain women to you?" Ooh-hoo! Nice one, man. I got to give you props.

"Ha-ha! I know, right?"

A few moments later, Rinno comes out with a cart loaded with computers and game systems. I got to say, if Rinno doesn't make it big here, he could make millions at pawn shops outside. We had an Xbox, a Super Nintendo, a portable TV, an iPad, an Atari, a Playstation, and a whole lot of other odds and ends that the man could hardly figure. In near-mint condition, too! At the end of the day, Rinnosuke had several pages of notes filled, and I was more exhausted than before! A feat I never considered possible.

"Ah…that all of it Rinno?"

"Well…" He stops himself at my pleading expression. "…er, yes! Yes, that is all I have to be named."

"It's getting pretty late, man. I'm gonna head off, if that's okay?" We share another handshake.

"Of course. Oh, and Ryan…" Huh? What're you… Money? "Here. A token of my thanks."

"Woah, Rinnosuke, no offense man, but you need this more than I do." I offer it back, but Rinnosuke pushes my hand away.

"I'd like to be able to sleep tonight, Ryan. Please accept the money." Ha! Alright, I'm too tired to argue.

"…As long as you're sure. See you later, man."

"Pleasant evening."

* * *

Whoo, it's pretty late out. Sun's going down and everything. I sure hope I find my way back before it gets too late. I really don't want to be caught in a band of raving fairies stricken by moonlight fever.

Could Cirno catch that? Oh, god help me if she can. I know I haven't seen the last of her, video games teach me that much.

_**SWISH!**_

Huh? B-Behind me!

"Who's there?" …Silence. Nobody, seriously? I could've sworn…I guess my senses aren't sharpening quite at the rate I'd expect-

"Ayayayayayayayaya!"

_HO SHI-_

_**WOOSH!**_

Agh, the wind! Who is this?

A woman with black hair and…red eyes? A youkai! Quick, cue fighting pose!

"Wh-what do you want?" The girl turns to me with a wide grin. She looks way too eager, I oughta get out of here as soon as I can.

"You must be the new outsider, yeah?" …Is that a notepad in your hand? She doesn't want to fight?

"Uh…yeah." Could I get lucky with another handshake? "Ryan Randa, pleased to meet-"

"Ayayayaya~! What a lucky break!" …Handshake fail. It couldn't have lasted forever. I can see now that she has black wings. …Crow wings. A crow tengu? Like Meiling mentioned when she was attacking me?

"…Riiiiight. Who are you?" The girl plants her fists on her hips and moves one foot forward in a confident pose.

"I'm the pure and honest Aya Shameimaru, top reporter for the Bunbunmaru!" She takes up her notepad again, scribbling some things in. "That was 'Randa', right?"

"Uh-huh. You're a newspaper reporter?" She nods repeatedly.

"That's right, that's right! Best in Gensokyo, if I do say so myself!" Well, aren't you humble. Please don't turn out to be Cirno No. 2.

"And you want to talk to me?"

"You bet! People don't fall into Gensokyo everyday, you know? Gotta get fresh interviews whenever I can!" Well, that's pretty reasonable, I guess. I'm not sure how Yukari would react, but what's the harm in a little interview? It's not like this girl is attacking me, and it'd be real helpful if humans and youkai alike recognized I don't want any trouble. "Can you answer a few questions?"

"Well…sure! Why not? What do you wanna ask me, Miss Aya?" She grins broadly and flies up to a nearby branch, wings fluttering slightly as she takes a seat.

"First question! How'd you come to end up in Gensokyo?" Ooh, that's a good one. Yukari seems to be keeping the lid on her little immigration project, I better be discreet about this.

"Well, I guess you could call it wrong place at the wrong time. I saw one of Yukari's gaps in the Outside World, fell through, and ended up a little ways away from the Scarlet Devil Mansion." Aya jots down the details… Why does it feel like she's writing more than I said?

"Ooh! You get into a fight with anyone there?"

"Well, me and Meiling had a little falling out…" Uh-oh. She's grinning, catch yourself, man! "B-But nothing too serious, of course! We had a bit of a spat, and I ran into Reimu soon after."

"Reimu, huh? Are you staying with her?" …Oh, I see what this is. Heh. Nice try, newswoman, but I'll not fall into that trap!

"If you mean I've taken lodging at the Hakurei Shrine, then yes." She's looks a bit disappointed? It would seem I did my job right. "During my stay, I met Marisa. They've both been pretty nice so far."

"Uh-huh… Why were you fighting Meiling at the Scarlet Devil Mansion last night?" Gah! How did you - ?

"You saw that?" She laugh, wings flapping a bit.

"Of course! That's how I found out about you!" Damn. Must've been passing by while we were getting into it. Then again, we didn't even see Marisa leave, and this Aya girl moves damn quick, so it's a definite possibility.

"Well, I'd gone to apologize for before, and she demanded a match if I wanted to be forgiven. Long story short, I earned my 'forgiveness' ." She mutters affirmatively to herself as she scribbles these things down. "Marisa snuck in to steal some books while we were going at it. We went in after her, and the night ended with us eating dinner there."

"By the vampire's request?"

"Yeah." Oh, pantaloons. I probably shouldn't have answered that.

"What's your relation to Yukari Yakumo? Is she even aware of your presence in Gensokyo?" Huh? Oh, yeah. I said that I'd kinda snuck in.

"Oh, yeah. She's been pretty swell. Even gave me this sword!" I draw the weapon, Aya looking it over. She whistles and jots some more notes on paper. "I guess you could call her kind of my benefactor. Even helped with my Spe-"

Stop! I really shouldn't have my ability mentioned in an article!

"…With your _what_?" Aya blinks, pressing for the information.

"Er! That is, with my Spell Cards. I'm kinda dabbling in Spell Card battles." Aya's head snaps up at this new information. She slowly begins making a note.

"Well, now. A man in Spell Cards. That's never happened before. Are you a good fighter?"

"I'd say I can hold my own."

"Alright, good to know, good to know…" Aya smirks at what she's written, then faces me with an all-too-mischievous face. "My last question: are you single?"

…

Dangerous question has been identified. Course of action: deny knowledge of question.

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that?" Aya's face doesn't change as she lifts from the branch, hovering above my frozen form.

"You know, do you have a special someone?" She lowers a bit in altitude, notebook clutched tightly in her hand. "It's alright, you can tell me!"

Subject Aya Shameimaru continues approach.

Select next course of action: A) Punch to the face, B) Deny everything, C) Turn and run, D) Answer

You have selected option "D" . Final answer?

"Well, no, I'm not in a relationship." Aya gives off an air of triumph, writing this down as if to savor it.

Crisis averted. Initiate cooldown mode.

"Well, this is all _very_ helpful." Aya seems quite fulfilled as she pockets the notebook, tucking her pencil behind her ear. "Thank you for the interview, Ryan. I ought to have this in the papers by tomorrow!"

"Er…the pleasure was mine?" Aya gives a two fingered salute, balancing on her ridiculously long-heeled shoes. Well, if she _is_ a crow… "Say, can you direct me to the Hakurei Shrine?"

"You don't know?"

"First time on this path."

"You know what?" Aya flaps down next to me. "Since you've been so helpful, why don't I just take you there the quick way?"

The quick way? What's-

**Grip!**

…Oh, SHIIIIIIIIII-

* * *

Agh…freaking…speedsters. I think she reopened my Flandre pains from before. And again, my offender seems to not care in the slightest that she's gone and dislocated my ball-and-socket a tad. Still, it's good to see the shrine again, and in one piece. I don't know why the shrine being intact surprises me, but oh well.

"Got-dangit! Did we really have to go that fast?" Aya just grins and slaps me in the back.

"Whaaaat? I gotta get this printed, you know?" Not amused, Aya. "But I am sorry if I kind of-"

**THOOOM!**

…What the?

"Uh-oh." Aya mutters, wings flapping nervously. What, what's going on?

"What do you mean 'uh-oh', what's 'uh-oh' ?" Aya glances behind her, stepping back a bit. "Aya, seriously, what's going on in there?"

"Looks like Suika's having a tantrum…" Suika? Who's Suika? "L-Listen, Ryan, I have to go. Nice meeting you!"

"Wait! Aya!" Don't just leave me here with-

…whoever…Suika…is… She's gone.

**THOOOM!**

"Suika! Cut it out, damnit! You're ruining the-"

**CRASH!**

-! That was Reimu! Hang on, friend! Ryan's on his - OH JESUS! Who threw that table? Oh, never mind that! Gotta get into the shrine! Almost there…!

"Reimu!" I yell, thrusting the door open. The walls are torn up, the floorboards are split, and I can't see Reimu anywhere! "Are you okay? Who's attacking you?"

"Idiot!" Woah! Reimu lunges from the corner, pinning me to the ground. She ticks a finger in front of her clenched teeth. "Keep low and keep quiet! That last thing we need is for her to have a target!"

"Agh, Reimu, get off!" I manage to shove the angry shrine maiden off of me, allowing me to brush some dust off. "Who's this 'Suika' person? Why's she wrecking the shrine?" Reimu groans exasperated, and shoves my head around the hallway corner.

"Look, you see her?" …Oh my goodness. This is without a doubt among the most ridiculous things I've ever laid eyes on. A little kid with horns is ripping through the walls with chains strapped to her arms. Her face is flushed, and she's just flinging those things around without a care in the world. "That is Suika Ibuki. She's an oni, and is extremely volatile right now."

"That kid's an oni?" As in the super-strong monsters of legendary strength? Is this world just full of cutsey versions of horrible beasts or what? "Where'd she even come from? What's she so pissed about?"

"She's been staying here for a while, before you showed up."

…A youkai lives in a shrine.

What is this I don't even.

"As for what's set her off-"

**SMASH!**

"Reeeeiiii-muuu! Where's my gooouuuurd?" A…gourd?

"Her gourd has an infinite supply of sake." Reimu explains. "She drinks from it constantly. Our drunk is her normal. She's had it for ages." Ah, an oni without their booze. That would do it. Still…

"You seriously have no idea where it's gone?" Reimu sighs and points to the ground behind the raging Suika. There, trapped under the broken floorboards, lies a hollowed-out gourd, a clear liquid flowing continuously from it's open top. "Let me guess: she can smell it?"

"Yes, and it's not helping matters, I'll tell you that much." Reimu pulls me back behind the corned as a chunk of a wooden pillar flies by. "Every time I try to get it for her, she just freaks out. And she's too out of it to look below the boards…"

Sigh. Looks like I'll have to be a team player. Again.

"Hey, Reimu." I glance about the corner. There's a bit of room to squeeze by Suika. Just enough for me to fit, if I jump. "I've got an idea: you distract Suika, and I'll grab the gourd."

"What?" Reimu hisses. "Why do I have to be the distraction? What kind of man are you?"

"One who refuses to step in front of a raging oni." I attempt to give her a stern look through my nervousness. "I'm betting you have some idea of how to best deal with her, and my power won't do any good with physical attacks."

"Agh, fine." Reimu shifts towards the ruined hall, danmaku forming in her hand. "I'll blast her as much as I can before it gets too hectic. You'll have not even a minute to get that thing, understand? I'm not going back for you."

"Got it. On three." We wait in position.

"Waaaaaah!" Suika bashes through more of the right side wall. "_I want my sa-keeeee!_"

"Three!" Wait! No! Damnit, Reimu! _GO!_

"Oi, Suika!" Reimu swings her arm in a powerful arc, sending a wave of cards into the head of the tiny monster. "I told you to cut it out already! Just calm down and I'll get you your alcohol!"

"I want it now! Where's my gourd?" Reimu yelps as she avoids Suika's fist, the oni going through the wall.

Well, that's convenient. This is the best chance I'm gonna get! Do a barrel ro- ah, I used that already. Alright, made it! Now to grab the… Urgh! This thing is really stuck! C'mooooon…!

"Huh? Who're you?" Damnit, she saw me!

"Ryan, hurry up!" Right! Almost…!

Gah! The chain! It's caught me by my freaking waist! Give me a break, I've almost got the damn thing!

**YANK!**

UGH! Ow! Almost…got it!

**Crack!**

Suika tugs me away from the boards, grabbing me by the collar of my shirt. Geez, and I thought Meiling had a firm grip!

"Alright, who are you and what are you-"

"Is this yours?" …Suika drops me immediately. With an excited gasp, she rips the gourd away from my hands, lifting it to her mouth with an excited gasp.

**Glug-glug-glug-glug…**

Um…

**Glug-glug-glug…**

She…really likes her sauce.

**Glug…glug…glug…glug…**

"Aaaaaah~!" Suika finally takes the gourd away with a sigh of satisfaction. Good to see you got your drinky-drink. Reimu approaches her, something hidden behind her back.

"Hi, Reimu!" Suika says with a grin. "Wanna drink?"

_**CRRRRACK!**_

* * *

And everybody's favorite gohei has saved the day yet again. Go-go miko rangers!

"Ow…Reimu, that such a jerk thing to do!"

"You were ruining my shrine!"

We once more sit around the table. This time, however, the table is thoroughly scratched from being chucked out the door. As we -me, rather,- had been reclaiming the tossed furnishing, Suika mentioned she had a note to give me…

"So, Suika?" I ask the oni, who is nursing the bump on her head.

"Yeah, Bryan?"

"It's Ryan."

"Whatever."

"You said you had a message for me?" Suika blinks some, then snaps her fingers.

"Oh yeah, that! Yeah, I ran into Ran on my way back." Ran? Who's Ran? "She gave me a message to ya from Yukari." She pulls a folded sheet of paper from her shirt.

A written note. Really, Yukari?

"Um, Suika, he can't actually use that."

Seriously, when it says "Greetings" up there at the top in kanji, I can't actually…

Wait, what?

"Reimu…"

"Yeah?"

"I can read this."

**Greetings and salutations!**

**I assume by now you're aware that I change your perceptive abilities around a tad for the sake of communication. However, I'd spaced giving you the cognitive ability to read in Gensokyo. Sorry about that, I've been SO busy. Don't worry though, dear! I've arranged for you to meet someone who can help you with your abilities, so we'll be spending lots of time together tomorrow! Also, if that doesn't sound appealing, you'll be coming along anyway. That is, unless you like being cut off from the rest of your clothing and other possessions from your old place. Yes, I've brought them here! Wasn't that nice of me? Well, I must be closing this message here. Still some things to take care of, after all. Get a good night's sleep, you're in for a bit more work tomorrow!**

**Yukari**

"…Well, it seems like you just can't catch a break, huh?" Suika grins, chin propped on her hands.

"Ugh. Sure seems that way." I swear Yukari's antics alone are giving me a headache. "Anyway, what I want to know is how she found out about my power. She wasn't there any of the times I used it!

"She's probably been watching you through her gaps." Reimu interjected. "That's typically how she keeps tabs on anyone she takes interest in. I've been victim to it myself."

"So, she's stalking me without leaving the comfort of her home." A nod. Wonderful. Somehow, I don't think I'll ever know true privacy again. At any rate, I'm exhausted. Not just from "excruciation hour" with Patchy, or "name that thing" with Rinnosuke, nor the two bouts of "keepf up or lose your arm" with Flandre and Aya, or even "get ripped in half at the waistline" with Suika. No, it's a combination of all of those.

I'm really…tired…

"Hey, are you alright?" Reimu asks.

Can't even…form…sarcastic…

**WHUMP.**

Oh, hello, table. I'd missed your rough texture striking my mug.

"Ah…Suika, mind taking him to the guest room?"

"Which one?"

"The only one you didn't destroy."

"Oh, that one. Gotcha."

I barely notice the small girl heft me over her shoulder with ease as I…drift into…

...

Zzzzz…

**

* * *

And thus, Ryan's fun-filled day comes to a close. Yes, I'd said just Rinnosuke and Aya, but I was being a filthy liar. Suika's just too fun to leave out for long. **

**Have you noticed, readers? Since Ryan's arrival outside the SDM, only…one, two…three days have passed! Well, incidents usually take one day in the games. Hell, Imperishable Night was just one night! In any case, our hero may be allowed sleep yet again. When he awakes, Yukari shall whisk him to the underground for some more character development! **

**I do apologize that this chapter wasn't that great. Pretty bad, actually. You can tell it's mostly filler and character introduction. No worries, the underground offers a massive chunk of fun to play with! I mean, you've got Yuugi, Rin, Satori, and a whole lot of human-disliking youkai!**

**Oh yeah, and Utsuho. But that's not important.**

**Remember, readers! Keep sending those reviews in so I know what to improve on! To quote Dr. Eggman: "Feel free to fill out a survey following your visit. Your opinions matter to us! Erm, unless you didn't have fun. Then we don't care."**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Welcome back, readers! Last time we left off, Ryan was granted a bit of sleep after a hard day's work with the likes of Rinnosuke, Aya, and Suika after leaving Patchouli. Today, he enters a whole new world of crazy in Gensokyo's underground in a little get-together with the Yakumo clan, all for the sake of meeting a certain someone whose friendship would benefit our hero a great deal! Without further ado, chapter twelve begins!**

* * *

Chapter Twelve: Meeting the Yakumos, and Adventures in the Underground

"Aaaaaaah...!" Good mooooorning Gensokyo! This is your forecaster, Good Ol' Mr. Randa telling you that with clear skies and only the slightest chance of gaps, it is shaping up to be a be-a-utiful day! Well, not exactly. It's true, today I'm heading into Gensokyo's underground with Yukari. But hey, at the end of the day, I'll finally be getting my stuff back! My iPod, my PSP, and my clothes…that alone puts me in high spirits! Might as well go and wake my slumbering landlady! Just gonna creep down the hall and pop into her room, and...!

"Ah...I want...sake..." Friggin' lulz. It figures the overworked and underpaid shrine maiden would be dreaming about getting hammered. That reminds me, I oughta check on Suika before I head off. "Mmrhm...thank you for...your patronage..."

...Oh yeah. That reminds me, I do have a bit of pocket change from helping Rinno out a bit, don't I? Well, I've no place to spend it, and with Yukari as my benefactor, I really have no use for it. ...Where's that pencil I was using yesterday? Ah, there we are. Just tear a scrap off here, jot the note down...add my John Hancock, and we're all good!

_**Reimu**_

_**Thanks for being a great pal so far, I know I'm a bit of an inconvenience. Still, it's not right how nobody gives you your dues for helping out Gensokyo. That said, go check your donation box - I've left you a little something before leaving. Sorry I didn't stick around to help with chores!**_

_**-Ryan**_

There! I've stuck the note in her half-clenched hand, and there's nothing left to do! Just kick on my sneaks, hm-hm-hm... Perhaps I could get through the forest without attracting attention, these are for _sneaking_, don't you know? Ha-ha! Well, my shoes are tied tight, and all looks well. I'll just check on our good oni and swing by the donation box!

Whoo, it's pretty bright out! Guess my imaginary forecast had some truth in it! Now, where's that beastly loli gotten to?

"Suika~!" I call. "Soo-WHEEEE-kaaah~!"

No response?

"Hrmblemrmble…"

Spoke too soon. Seems she's on the roof. Boing! Aw…she looks so cute… Poking time.

"C'mon, Suika, up you get." Poking a sleeping oni is not a good idea. I know this. However, her flushed face and drool-filled mutters cause me to forget easily just what I'm provoking. "Rise and shine, munchkin. Time to-"

_**WOOSH!**_

…She just swept up a storm-level wind by absent-mindedly swiping at me. Yeah, she's definitely an oni, no matter how small she may be. I'm very glad to have been just out of arm's reach.

"Mmmaaaah… Wuh?" The tiny drunkard rubs her eyes with a wide yawn, taking a moment to register who was sitting in front of her. "Oh hey, Raiden."

"It's Ryan."

"Uh-huh. Why d'ya wake me for?" Suika sits up, already going for the gourd. Seeing as how I need her to be the least tipsy possible, I stop her arm. Suika be unamused. "Leggo a' my arm."

"First, I just need you to remember a message for Reimu, okay?" Suika nods halfheartedly. Good enough. "Let her know that I've left to meet up with Yukari. Alright?"

"Yeah, sure. Go have fun." After releasing her arm, Suika grabs her unlimited source of krunk and starts chugging it down.

Well, message delivered. Time to head to the donation box!

…Is that thing really a vortex of infinite sake? I can see why she'd take it for granted. …And I'd hate to imagine the mass destruction that would ensue if she ever ran out. The shrine alone will take several days to fix. I feel bad that I won't be around to help. I mean, today I'm with Yukari, tomorrow at the SDM, I'm pretty fully booked. Ah, and here we are!

Just drop these in, and…

**Clink-clink-clink-clink-clink-clink**

…Ouch. The box really was stark empty. That was just painful to listen to. In any case, I'm sure Reimu will appreciate it. Now where should I go? Meh, I'll just head out to the forest. If Yukari's watching me, I bet that'll-

**Rustle-rustle**

…What is this? A newspaper?

… "Bunbunmaru" ! Did Aya bring this by? Well, let's have a read.

…

-!

_FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-_

_**GENSOKYO'S IMPORT**_

_**A New Outsider Enters Gensokyo**_

_**This is Aya Shameimaru, bringing you news of a newcomer to our homeland! The man's name is Ryan Randa, and he arrived here after stalking Yukari Yakumo through a portal between worlds. In his first day, he already entered conflict with the guard of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and settled the difference by beating her in a physical fight. Apparently, this somehow led to he and local witch Marisa Kirisame as being guests of the mansion's owner - specific details were not given. He is currently residing in the Hakurei Shrine under the knowledge of the shrine maiden Reimu Hakurei and Yukari herself. Yukari seemingly has no problem with his presence, she has even gifted him a weapon for reasons yet unknown. What is known is that Mr. Randa is, in fact, a practitioner of the Spell Card system, and bore no reservations about stating he, in fact, is not in a relationship with a woman. There is little reason for discouragement, though - he seems quite friendly, and should not have any ill intentions if he is under the eye of the Hakurei shrine maiden. (Then again, Suika Ibuki also lives there!)**_

_**This has been Aya Shameimaru, and we'll let you know if any further details arise!**_

Agh! "Gensokyo's Import" again! I don't want that nickname, damnit! Also, "stalked Yukari" ? "No reservations about being in a relationship" ? REALLY? People will think I'm a damned raging pervert!

"Gifted a weapon for reasons unknown" . Yeah, that's just swell. If not a _pervert_, then folks will call me an _assassin_. Or perhaps both! A perverted assassin who shares company with vampires and hits women, while possibly comparable to Suika! God **damn** you, Aya! Urrrrrgh…!

"Fu-fu-fu…the news is wonderful, is it not?" Yukari! I turn around, and the blonde woman is there, twirling her parasol merrily.

"Yukari, can you believe this garbage?" I wring the paper in your face in RAGE! "What the hell? I didn't even have to give her the damn interview!"

"Well, dear, that's just the problem with some youkai. They really don't care who they step on in the name of success." Yeah, I'm thinking of one right now. Her name's Yakumo -comma- Yukari. "Oh, but don't get me wrong. I'm glad you bit the bullet for the sake of keeping my little plan under wraps! Such a kind boy, aren't you?"

Yeah, whatever. I just didn't care to be part of a conspiracy theory.

Calm down, Ryan, calm down. Remember the iPod. Ten Thousand Fists will cure what ails you.

"If that's how I'm gonna be seen." I mutter, glaring off to the side. "Anyway, Yukari, you said you had my things with you?"

"Why, yes I do."

"I'd like some proof." Yukari starts pouting at my request. "Come on, a show of good faith."

"Oh Ryan, I'm hurt. Just because of Aya's antics, you don't trust me?" No. And I will raise my eyebrow as evidence of this. "…Oh, very well. How does…"

_**Warble-warble-warble**_

"…THIS suit you?"

-!

MY BABY!

_**Smack!**_

…Ouch.

"Tut-tut-tut. That won't do, pig, it simply will not do." Yukari takes her fan from its position against my face, still holding my iPod out of reach. "You'll get this, your clothes, and a few other knickknacks back when we've finished. I can't have these in your ear when people are trying to teach you, can I?"

Piss off, Yukari. If I want to be part of a corrupt educational program, I'll just enroll back in Arizona. Wait. Oh, right. Trapped here.

"…Fine, fine. Let's get started." Yukari beams as she gaps my entertainment device out of site, presumably back with my other things. "I guess we're going through a gap?"

"Would you rather the bus?" Yukari motions a palm forward, opening yet another ribbon'd rift. The youkai jauntily strolls in, motioning to me with the crook of a finger. "Come along, dear. My shikigami await our return."

And she's gone.

…

Ugh. *shudder* It feels like those eyes are staring at me… D'oh, I don't wanna!

…But I have to. Into the breach!

_**Warble-warble**_

_**Zip-zip**_

…And the door has tied shut behind me. How very creepy.

* * *

"Suika!" Reimu called to her oni roomie, a note in her hand. "Suika!"

"Ah…Reimu, not so loud…" Suika peered over the roof, holding her head. Reimu held a hand to her mouth to stifle a giggle.

"You…do you actually have a hangover?" Reimu then had to dodge to the side as a massive rock formed of danmaku energy hurtled by her head, crashing into the porch.

"Don' even joke about that! It's my bruise from your damn gohei!" Suika growled, forming a sphere of deep red energy in her hand. She then stopped herself. "…Oh yeah. Dylan said something' about goin' off with Yukari."

"His name is Ryan."

"Right, that."

"Well," Reimu glanced back at the note, warily, "did…he go by the donation box?"

"I don't know, Reimu, go check." Suika groaned, lifting her gourd to her parched lips. Reimu shrugged, deciding to follow the small Mountain Diva's advice and walked over to the wooden box. Taking a closer look, she saw that something had shifted the position of the dust on the slot. She shook it several times.

_**Ching-ching-ching**_

"No way." Reimu peeked inside. After maybe a moment's glance, she set the box down, wiped the dust from her hands, and walked over to Suika with a stoic expression. The oni took the booze from her mouth to observe her friend.

"…What's the verdict?"

"Let me at that gourd."

* * *

I've said it before, I know, but damn if I won't say it again: I will never get used to that.

It's not just that it's a vortex full of eyes. It's a vortex full of _Yukari's _eyes. She has to have some constant connection, I _know_ those things were following me.

The presence there…

It's almost as if the entire place _is _Yukari.

"Oh, there you are!" Speaking of which, Yukari smiled as I emerged behind her. "And here I was, thinking you'd gotten cold feet."

"I almost did." I retort truthfully. "That little passageway is gonna haunt my nightmares."

"Oh, but were you injured?" …Sigh. No. "See, you can trust me just fine!"

I suppose. …Huh. So, this is Yukari's place? I can see my idea of her stealing things from the Outside World is pretty much accurate. There's no way she could have gotten these digs anywhere else. This is clearly a two-story straight out of Japan.

"Yes, my gaps are so useful," Stop reading my mind. "I can even find a home with little trouble~."

You know, a team of guys must have worked their asses off to build this place. Oh well. As much as I don't like to admit it, being moral won't get me anywhere here. Carpenters, you're taking one for the team.

"Anyway," Yukari continues, "we cannot stay for long. We're just here to pick up my shikigami and her shikigami." …A shikigami of a shikigami. Does she call Yukari "Yukari-sama-sama" ? "Come along, Ryan."

With no alternatives, I begrudgingly follow you through the door, and onto the wooden floorboards. The stairs are pretty much right there. I wonder, will Yukari actually climb them?

"A-hem." Thought not. "_Ran! Chen! I've brought our guest, and I instructed you to be ready! Come along!_"

"Ah!" Came a startled voice from upstairs. "Terribly sorry, Yukari. I was getting Chen prepared. I'm on my way!"

"Wait for me, Ran-shama!" Follows a smaller voice. …Odd, nobody's coming down the stairs…

_**Vorp!**_

SUNNUVABITCHGAP.

"Oh-ho-ho, honestly Ryan, you are too easy to spook!" Stop laughing, gap hag.

"So, this is Ryan!" The taller shikigami bows slightly, revealing her animal ears and full set of nine tails. A nine-tailed fox, are you kidding me? THAT'S who Yukari would demand serve her? Damn egomaniacal woman.

-! Ah, but what does the scouter say about the fox's age level?

_**IT'S OVER NINE HUNDREEEEED!**_

Oh-ho, I laugh.

"I am Yakumo Ran…or, Ran Yakumo, as you westerners would put it." Yakumo? You can't be related. Did Yukari adopt you, or what? "And the little one to my left is my shikigami." She pats the smaller girl on the head. "Say hello, Chen!"

"Hi, Ryan-shan!" Guh! A little cat girl with two tails!

A nekomata! A nekomata with a little green hat!

This may lower my masculinity a massive margin to admit, but…she's fuggin' adorable!

"My name's Cheeen!"

CHEEEEEEEEEN!

…Yeah, I definitely lost some juevo size after that.

"Ah, it's nice to meet you both." I finally stammer out, returning Ran's earlier bow as best I can. "So, you two can use gaps as well?"

"Actually," Ran interjects, "just me. And I can only use them for transport."

"I've taught her well." Yukari adds. Unnecessary comment is unnecessary, Miss Yakumo. "At any rate, we best be on our way!"

Aw, so soon? Don't think I didn't see that refrigerator or hear that running water!

"Close together, now!" Yukari places her hands on my shoulders to make sure I don't go anywhere. Seriously, like there was anywhere to go. Ran and Chen stand at my respective sides, Ran glancing to Yukari over her shoulder and Chen grabbing onto my wrist, swinging it back and forth a bit while smiling widely. That's really cute, it's like she's a little kid going to Disney Land for the first time! I remember those days, the good ol' days~…

"And we're off!"

Aw. Guess I can be nostalgic some other time.

Yukari pulls her fan from her blouse, motioning upwards. A massive eye-shaped opening encompasses us all, closing over the head of Yukari -the tallest here- and ties shut, sending us all hurtling through eyeball land once more, and…and we're not falling.

We're still standing on a solid surface? How the Davey Crockett-

N-no, just…no. Y'know what? Suspension of disbelief is taking control for today. I though I'd accepted that strategy after hearing about that bird girl eating a god. A-bomb youkai, what a load.

…

Hold it.

Doesn't she live in this Underground?

And…aren't we _going_ to the Underground?

"Yukari," I begin slowly, "who am I supposed to be meeting in Gensokyo's Underground, again?"

Yukari just laughs quietly as we continue on our way.

* * *

"_Hahahahahahaaaa_!" Reimu is practically crying with laughter, face red and breath smelling of intoxication as she rolls on the floor, clutching the latest edition of the Bunbunmaru in her fist. "Oh god! I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"

"Hee, what's so funny, Reimu?" Suika grins, hugging her gourd to her small body.

"Oh, Aya's a master of her craft!" Reimu practically shaves the paper between Suika and her gourd. "Read the front page, Suika! This is so good!"

The Small March of Demons held the paper to her face lightly scanning the article…and promptly smacked it to her mouth to stifle the snorting laughter that was building.

"Snerk! They said he _stalked_ Yukari?"

"Ryan must really need the attention if he went after that hag!"

The two girls burst into frenzied laughter, the sound filling the air around the shrine and leading some of the lesser youkai to believe that the oni had finally driven the Hakurei Shrine Maiden mad.

The others -who could read- just smiled knowingly, and continued on their way, already having seen this morning's paper.

* * *

"So, we're going to see the ruler of this place?"

"Leader, she's no royalty. And that's the general idea."

"Ooh! I hope Koishi is around!"

"Chen, dear, don't get your hopes too high."

And so, our merry troupe of two old biddies, a dude and a kid continue our merry jaunt into the heart of Gensokyo, to the mysterious Underground! …Well, mysterious to every human who has never met Yukari. I've already got the low-down. It's just a massive stone-made village with bunches of youkai who aren't going to appreciate my being here very much. Still, I've got three presumably powerful teammates, so what could possibly go wro-

…

…That bucket just hopped away.

…

Yeah, train of thought derailed. Long story short: pass village, meet satori named Satori, see burning bird in artificial hell.

Good times.

"Take a gander over there." Yukari motioned with her fan over a crevice we'd reached the top of, to a settlement just below. The area was littered with stone buildings and the light of candles, with people in every street, at every shop. Well, "bartering station" , I guess. However, Yukari's fan points beyond the residential area, to a castle or fortress in the distance, looking like it was built into the stone walls of the pocket in the ground. "That is where Satori resides, and where we'll be heading."

I'm suddenly not so confident. There's a group of oni guys down there who look pretty tough… Is that a kappa? Think she noticed us, she's pointing in our direction. Now her tengu pal is looking right at me.

Gulp.

"Say, Yukari?" Yukari puts her fan away to meet my request. "Yeah, can we just…gap past all these guys?"

Yukari stops to consider this. She looks back to the residential area. She turns back to me.

A sinister smirk is plastered across her features.

"Oh, no-no-no." Yukari tuts, sitting on a gap in midair. "I know how much you don't like my method of travel, Ryan. Far be it from me to cause you discomfort."

Uh, no. Seriously Yukari. Some of these folks look like they could tear me to pieces.

"We, however, need to go on ahead to inform Satori of our little get-together." Yukari emphasizes this by gesturing towards Ran. "You take the path through the village with Chen."

"I don't go with Ran-shama?" Chen pouts.

Yukari, I know what you're doing, but joke's over. They might think I'm a radical kidnapper, or a human extremist. I mean, I've got a sword, a gun and an adorable youkai child. Not a good plan.

"Come now, Ran." Yukari takes to the air. "Let's leave the young ones to their fun and take care of the formalities."

"Wait, what?" Ran hesitantly follows after Yukari, glancing back to me worriedly. "But Yukari, we can't just…"

They're gone. They actually left. No worries, no worries. Yukari's kidding. Any second now, she'll open a gap and yank me through with muscle-tearing force.

…

Heh-heh…right?

…

Oh criminy.

Chen whimpers a little, still having not released my arm from before.

"Ryan-shaaaan." Chen whines, gripping my wrist tighter, with both hands now and tugging slightly. "I wanna get to Ran-shama. Let's gooo."

Damn. Chen's gonna make _me_ cry if she starts crying. Anyway, I'm sure we'd be alright. With me it's one thing, but Yukari wouldn't throw the child of her household into unnecessary danger, right?

"Eh-heh-heh…s-sure thing, kiddo." I chuckle anxiously. "Let's just head on over there, s'no problem."

Someone up there doesn't like me.

* * *

"Excuse me!" Came a small voice amongst the crowd of youkai. "Hello! Can I have your attention please?"

Nobody paid any mind. The little night sparrow shifted nervously, gray eyes darting about. Still, her pleas were either unheard, or just brushed off by the conceited, more powerful youkai.

"Ooh, we're not getting anywhere!" She cried to her friend, a little ways away. "I'm really worried now. We have to find her!"

"Oi!" Came a higher pitched voice in a louder, commanding tone. "All of you shut up and _pay attention_!"

_**KSSSSSHHH!**_

A blue mist effused from her body, rushing through the area. At once, a large number off lesser youkai were frozen, and the stronger had ice building up on their skin. All was silent, and they turned to the offender.

"Listen up! We're looking for our friend!" The culprit yelled shrilly. Her friend peeked out from behind her shoulder.

"Yes! So, um…if all…of you…" She paused. "…I think you did something bad…"

This seemed to be the case, as a crowd of mixed youkai species angrily approached Cirno and Mystia.

"Ha! We can take 'em."

They most definitely could not.

…As if that had ever dissuaded Cirno before.

* * *

What the-?

"Ryan-shan, it's real cold all of a sudden!" Chen releases my arm to hug herself, fighting off the sudden chill. A moment later, she stopped. "Huh? That's weird."

A sudden burst of cold?

"It was chilly all a' sudden, then it wasn't. What was that?"

-!

What? _she's_ here?

"Ah! Look!" Chen points into the residential area, where there are now roaring crowds of people, muscling past what appear to be ice statues. Great, I should've known this wouldn't be easy. "Ryan-shan, why's everyone fighting?"

"I don't know, but I'm about to find out!" I heft Chen up, who reacts with a surprised squeal, and carry her behind a mound of rock. "Chen. I need you to be a good girl and stay here. Don't go anywhere, just wait for me, okay?'

"B-B-But…" She's practically blubbering now, fists clenched in front of her chest with teary eyes. "but Ran-shama…"

…Poor kid. Still, I need for her to trust me…

"Ah!" Chen yelps as I remove her hat and stroke her head.

"Don't worry." I speak softly. "We're gonna see her as soon as I take care of things there. I bet Ran would be real proud if you were a good listener, huh?"

Chen sniffles a bit, but nods all the same.

I figured as much. She's like a mother or big sister to you, huh?

"I'll be right back." I put her hat back on her head, and begin down the narrow slope. I know she won't go anywhere, now.

"Come back quickly!" She calls shyly over her hiding spot. I wave without looking back.

_**Shving!**_

My Buster won't do me much good here. My ol' claymore's gonna have to do the job. Alright, here we go!

I charge down the slope, heading over a bridge that crosses a small stream. I can see already it was good to not bring Chen down here, this is practically a riot! Now, where is that idiot? The crowd of folks is pretty thick, but I can see they're all heading to a certain spot.

"Cirno, let's get out of here!" A girl in purple with grey eyes calls frantically, her wings keeping her above the violence.

"As if! C'mon, Mystia, they gotta be hiding something!" There's the idiot! She's formed a large chunk of ice between her hands, and is wildly swinging it around, bashing several people in the noggin. Mostly she's just pissing them off, it would seem. "Why else would they attack us?"

"You froze a bunch of them!"

I've heard enough. I need to get through here.

"Excuse me!" I call, trying to get through. "Pardon me!" A large woman, chubby with pointed ears glares back and swipes at me.

"Piss off, human!" This immediately causes a hefty chunk of the crowd to about face, their anger focused my way.

"A human?" Growls a large man with a set of horns in the front of his head. Great, I've already got an oni's attention. "What the hell do you think yer doing here? Git out before ya get clobbered!"

"I have business with Miss Satori!" I interject, hands held up. "I don't want any trouble, guys-"

"Then what are you doing _here_?" A woman with a forked tongue and long, tentacle-like neck hisses. "Scram!"

"Yeah, but I know these girls! Well, one of them." I move to the left, seeing an opening. "If you would all be kind enough, I'll just get them out of your way!"

"Oh, well, lookie here!" The male oni snorts, blocking me again. "A surface hero wannabe!" He steps forward, towering over me at what I'm guessing is 6'5. "Lissen up, pipsqueak. We might hafta take that shit from the shrine maiden, but not you. Now git lost!"

Oh shit, he's swinging!

_**Clang!**_

…

Eh?

…I blocked his punch? My sword is glowing…have I been charging energy this whole time? And since when could the sword-

"Oh, wise guy, eh?" The long-necked woman hisses. She lunges at me, fangs bared.

Welp, that's my cue to skiddoo! Boing!

"Ah! Get off!" Sorry, lady, but your neck makes a convenient bridge. Huzzah once more for heightened agility! One side, 'scuse me, comin' through!

"Gah?"

"What the-?"

"Who does this bastard-?"

There we go, right into the middle of a crowd of raging youkai! And…where'd they go?

"Hiyah!"

_**Clang!**_

Oh, _there's_ Cirno. Trying another sneak attack. A failed one, at that.

"Randa!" She growls, her ice sword parried by my own. "I should have known you'd have something to do with this!"

"Cirno, what the hell are you-" Woah! Empty bottle from the crowd! Gotta avoid them too. "Rgh, what the hell are you doing here? Are you trying to get yourselves killed?"

"Are you here to help us?" The sparrow girl asks, swooping away from a pair of arms grabbing at her. "Because we could really use it!" At this Cirno turns towards her friend, mouth hung open in shock.

"_WHAT? _Forget it, Mystia! I don't need his help!" Cirno removes her blade from mine, swiping at a tengu who drifted too close and smacking her away. "I'm the strongest, remember?"

Oh, to hell with this.

"Alright! C'mere!" I grab the back of Cirno's dress, just above the wings. Oddly enough, my sword is still charged. I'm not going to question that, but I'm sure as hell gonna use it. If my gun can produce strong danmaku when charged up, then…maybe?

"_EH-YAH_!" Theory proven! My weapon produces a neon green shockwave at the slash, flying down the path I'd just came from, clearing away the unruly bunch blocking it. Now for the bird!

"Hey, l-lemmie go!" Number two acquired! She seems a little more compliant, so I'll just grab her in the crook of my arm. Can't use my sword like this, so I'll just sheath it for now. Come on, you two!

_**Shhhhhh!**_

* * *

"Yukari," Ran called after her master anxiously, "what are you doing? Why did you leave them down there?"

"Hush, Ran." Yukari commanded, observing events from below through her gap. "My, my…isn't that peculiar."

"What?" Ran floated closer to Yukari, peeking over her shoulder. "What is it?"

"Take a look at this." Yukari tapped the rim of the gap, the events shown through it rewinding. When it reached a certain point, she tapped it again, and it played out as before.

"_EH-YAH!"_

"There." Yukari pointed to a certain place in the gap. "Right there, you see?"

"Yes," Ran began, face scrunched in confusion. "Didn't you say he needs to focus for that to happen?"

"He does." Yukari closed the gap, beginning her descent to the home of Satori and her pets below. "I've an inkling to the cause, however. Come along, Ran, mustn't be late."

"But- Chen, and-" Ran groaned, it was clear Yukari had no intention of going back for either of them. "…of course."

* * *

"Alright, Randa, you can't get away! You must have had something to do with this! You tell me where she is right now, before I-"

_HADOUKEN!_

_**BOOM!**_

I put my Buster to my face and blow the smoke from its tip. Looks like that long-lasting charge has finally run out, for whatever reason.

"Er…are you alright, Cirno?" Mystia crouched over her fallen fairy friend.

"Ryan-shan, why did you do that?" Chen asks me, though not very upset.

"What?" I ask innocently. "That's how Ryu gets people to shut up."

"Who?"

"Never mind. Now…Mystia, right?" The sparrow jumps a bit at my call, and slowly nods. "Cirno keeps asking where 'she' is, and what I did with 'her'. Care to elaborate?"

"Well…okay." Mystia sniffs a little before continuing. "Well, me and Cirno often are our with three other friends, Rumia, Wriggle, and Daiyousei. We spend most of our time together, and have this really nice hangout spot! Well…two days ago, out of nowhere, Rumia said she was gonna make dinner for all of us, right?"

Interesting. Go on.

"Well, that night, she didn't show up. We figured she had just forgot, so I just brought grilled lamprey for everyone…but," She pauses, eyes wide. "All through yesterday, she never appeared. It was weird, she never really spent any time alone since we all got together, but when we split up to look for her, she was nowhere to be found."

…A missing friend. Could that be why Cirno was so eager for a fight?

Nah, she's just stupid. Still, they sound pretty bent out of shape about this.

"We searched areas individually. I looked around the tengu mountains, Cirno searched the forest of magic, Dai scoured the kappa territory, and Wriggle snuck around the human village. We even asked a few other youkai, but they hadn't seen anything either. The underground was one of the last big areas to be checked. Cirno figured that maybe she hadn't forgotten she said she would make dinner, and had come down here to buy ingredients. She doesn't have any money, but I agreed to look anyway. When we got here, nobody paid us any mind, Cirno flipped out, and…well, that's when you showed up."

"Wow. That sounds really serious." Chen spoke from the rock she sat on.

…

"What does your friend look like?" Mystia and Cirno look to me with surprise. "I came here with Yukari Yakumo, the overseer. Even if I can't do much to help, she could probably find your friend in no time at all."

Mystia shifts nervously, and Cirno just faces away with her arms folded. For a minute or so, there is silence.

"…She's got blonde hair." Cirno finally said begrudgingly. "She wears a ribbon in it. Also, she's got red eyes and a black dress."

"Rumia travels around in a large orb of darkness." Mystia added. "She's the only one who does, so if you see it, it's her."

"Got it." I gave the two a thumbs-up. "Don't worry. If I see her anywhere, I'll let her know you're looking."

"Thank you." Mystia responded with a heavy sigh. "It's good to know somebody actually cares."

"Hm! Eye don't owe you a thing." Cirno snaps, still facing away. "Come on, Mystia."

"Ah, see you later!" Mystia says as she flies off after Cirno, presumably to the Underground's entrance.

…

Feh. That idiot is seriously childish, isn't she?

"Ryan-shan, that was really nice." D'aw, thanks Chen! "Do you think you'll really find her?"

"Well, Chen," I begin while she grabs my arm again, "I can't say. Still, a moving ball of darkness can't be too hard to-"

-!

…

What. The. Fuck. Gap.

"Oh hey, Mish Yukari decided to pick us up after all!"

Mind. Can't. Friggin. Dah.

"Let's go, Ryan-shan, I wanna see Ran-shama!"

But that. And she. What.

…

I give up. Through the gap.

_**Warble-warble-warble**_

* * *

"Yukari, I hate you sometimes." I groan while my face is thoroughly palmed. "Just throwing that out there."

"Ran-shama, I didn't get into trouble! I stayed put just like Ryan-shan asked!" Chen beamed to her master/guardian. Ran smiled and ruffled the cat's hair.

"Very good, Chen. You're an excellent listener!"

"Oh, hush." Yukari smiled in response to my statement. "You know you don't feel that way."

We are now in the middle of a large stone room with a fireplace at one end, a large armchair in another corner, a small couch and a table. Towards the back, a set of stair leads to the upper levels.

"Okay, so we're just waiting on this Satori person, yeah?"

"Of course. We can't see the person you're to meet without her permission."

"When's she supposed to be getting here, anyway?"

"I already am." The sound of a new voice snaps my attention to the top of the steps. From them comes a small figure. Her hair is purple, and she is clad in a green attire. Also, there's a heart-shaped pin on her shirt, for whatever reason. She turns to face me.

"It's not a pin. It's my third eye." Eh? JESUS! The thing's blinking at me! I guess she must be used to that question, given that's pretty unusual. Although, what does one need a third eye for?

"Actually, that's the first time it's been called that." Satori states as she arrives at the bottom. "And my third eye is common amongst the satori. Yes, my name is the same as my species. No, I'm not the last one, and I'd appreciate that kind of insensitive comment to be kept to yourself."

…

GREAT

BARRIER

REEF.

"Fu-fu-fu, as you can see, he's easily amused." Yukari says to Satori.

"Not truly. Just slow in accepting the bizarre, which I don't care for being classified as, just so you know." Yukari pouts.

"I thought you were only reading _his_ mind." That gets a slight smirk from Satori. Ha, Yukari can't win every argument after all.

"Not against me." Satori responds.

So she can read minds?

"Yes, I thought that obvious."

Gah! Maybe I should make a tinfoil hat, that always works for-

"I'm not an alien."

Stop that! Maybe if I just block out my thoughts-

"You wouldn't be the first to try."

…

"Well, now, Satori, if you're quite through torturing the boy, let's get to the reason we are here, hm?"

"We don't actually need to have an open conversation, you know." Satori pondered. "Honestly, you could just submit your proposal in thought form."

"Yes," Yukari sighs, "but I'd like to actually ensure the others here are able to hear this."

"Very well." Satori sits in the armchair. "I'll avoid reading your thoughts for now. Proceed."

"The boy," Yukari begins, "as you heard from Kanako, has an interesting power. One your pet can relate to."

"My pet?" Satori's face scrunches up in confusion. "You refer to Rin?"

"No."

"…Okuu. Of course." Satori becomes a bit reluctant, but makes no attempt to end the conversation. "But why have them meet?"

"The raven has managed to control her massive level of power to a comfortable extent." Yukari explains. "She has experience, enough so that she could teach someone how to handle it."

I knew it. This is about Utsuho.

"Oh?" Satori turns to me. "Just how did you know of my pet?"

Er! You can't hear me, lalalalalalalalalalala!

"…Fair enough." Satori turns back to Yukari.

…Phew! A moment later and she'd know that-

"So, Patchouli of the Devil's Manor has pilfered reports?" Gah! Damnit! "I'll need a word with the kappa."

"Yukari, are you sure about this?" Ran begins skeptically.

"Shikigami, if you should insult my dear Utsuho's intelligence one more time, I shall have to leave." Ouch! Ran looks pretty ashamed at that. Seems Satori's good at multitasking minds!

"Thank you for the compliment." Satori responds without facing me. "Yukari, it is true that Utsuho is…not well equipped to explain how her abilities are formed. However, she is capable of describing the execution."

"So, is that a yes?"

"That all depends…" Satori turns back to me. Her third eye opens wider, staring directly into me. Yukari and the other two just watch in silence.

…Eh? I have the floor?

Heh! If this stays confidential, alrighty! Well, where to begin? First off, I have no idea why Yukari wants me to develop this power. She says it's for some immigration thing, but I'm having my doubts. Also, I apologize for the A-Bomb Youkai thing. Habit of sarcasm.

"Forgiven. Continue."

What I do know is that I personally want to explore this further. It seems like it's got real potential, potential don't want to discard, you know? It's my understanding that your pet is pretty much the only one besides me who has any clue on how this kind of power would work. I've been doing trial and error thus far, and well…it's painful. Please don't make that face, I had no other alternatives at the time.

"But grabbing fire?"

…_How_ many times is that going to-? Ugh. Anyway, bottom line is, I want to see how far I can take this. I don't care if she isn't necessarily the brightest bulb in the fixture, hell, even if she's at Cirno's level! I swear if you let me get some counseling in this, I'll be as respectful as I know how. I know you've probably read back into my mind about that little scrape in your village a little while ago.

"Yes, I wasn't planning on bringing that up, but…" Satori raises an eyebrow.

Oh, screw me. No, not what I meant! I just didn't want that idiot getting herself and her friend lynched. She's annoying, sure, but she doesn't know any better! I just was doing what I thought was right at the time.

"You angered more than a few youkai, you know."

Yes, and I'm sorry! Just-Just please don't let that influence your decision. I'm not a troublemaker is my point, that's just not me.

"…Hm. Very well."

"Oh? So we're fine?" Yukari adopts a sly look, the other tw seeming relieved the tense moment is over.

"Yukari, with your scheming nature, I normally would have declined. I mostly agreed to this meeting just for the sake of civility." Satori explains. "However, I am impressed by Ryan's honesty. He made no attempts to cover up events in his memory that could count against him."

Yay! Another drop in the compliment bucket. I daresay that bucket's as full as Reimu's donation box, now!

"…Despite his…_eccentric_ sense of humor."

Ow. My pride.

"Orin!" Satori calls. "Could you come in here?"

"Coming!" Rapid footsteps can be heard from behind the door next to the couch.

"Who's Orin?" Satori echoes my thoughts. "My other pet. She's very helpful, if not a bit-"

_**Woosh!**_

_**CRASH!**_

…Oh, goodness.

"…clumsy."

A cart lat upturned against the far wall. Right next tp it, a girl with black cat ears and a matching dress lays upside down, eyes swirling. She seems at least…pretty quick?

"Oh, goodness." Yukari stifles her laughter. "I see that Hell's Traffic Accident is as aptly named as ever."

"Hey…" Orin whines, turning upright. "Stop calling me that! I'm just a little off my game today!"

"Orin." The cat stands at attention when Satori speaks. "You see the fellow here?'

"Hm?" Orin blinks some, looking me over. What, she just asked if you saw me- "Aha! You were in today's paper!"

Oh, _bugger all_.

"Yes. I need you to take him to the reactor." Satori explained, getting up to help her pet to her feet. "Yes, he's to see Utsuho. Can you do that?"

"Take 'im to see Okuu?" Orin grinned. "Sure thing, master!"

"Great!" I chime in. Hold up. What about… "Yukari, Ran, Chen, what are you guys gonna do?"

"Don't worry, dear." Yukari waved me off. "We'll hang around a while before heading off. You go on, have fun."

"Uh, alright?" I head over to the door partially knocked from it's hinges. Oh, right! "Hey, Yukari!"

"Yes?"

"Listen, there's a youkai named Rumia that's gone missing. Do you think you could look around for her?"

"Oh, I suppose." Yukari yawns. That doesn't fill me with confidence. Ran, on the other hand, gives me a very pleasant look and flashes the "a-ok" sign. At the very least, Yukari's shikigami are awesome.

"Okay, let's goooo!" Orin grabs her cart, begins rushing towards me, and-

OH MY GOODNESS!

_**WHUMP!**_

"Next stop, New Hell!" The cat laughs as she tears down the hallway to an underground tunnel, with me facedown in the cart.

"Ouch."

**

* * *

The beat goes on, readers! As Ryan is wheelbarrow'd down to Utsuho's domain, only one question may be asked: "What manner of wacky shenanigans will he find himself subjected to in the bowels of the New Hell, Utsuho's domain and/or workplace" ? Time will tell! (Specifically like a week or so.)**

…**No, I suppose another question can be asked, actually. "Why wasn't Utsuho in this chapter"? Oh, you silly readers. Yukari doesn't get to share Okuu's airtime. Nobody does, not even Chen. Although, as you could probably tell from this chapter, I have a soft spot for Chen. And I find Ran to be the real brains behind the Yakumos.**

**Cirno and Mystia, as well as an indirect intro of Team Nineball! Cirno's still as brash and stupid as ever. As for Mystia, you'll notice she's a touch more timid than the typical portrayal. In my canon, she indeed **_**was**_** eaten by Yuyuko during Imperishable Night. Poor girl's never been the same since…but we'll go into more detail when Yukari's bestest buddy actually makes the scene.**

"**Oh, but Sasquatch, where's Yuugi? Where's Parsee?" you ask further? All in good time. And no, I haven't forgotten - this is still the SDM Arc. However, we're delving into the main story, centered more around the Underground. We'll get back to the topside after I have my fun with this place.**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Here we are, Chapter Thirteen already!**

**Y'know, I honestly can't believe it…a whole forty reviews. I've been looking around, and this is, like, more than the average of stories that have reached this size! When I first began this story some two months ago, I was honestly expecting my review box to be as barren as Reimu's donation box, at least until the twenty chapter mark. And yet here we are, just barely past halfway there, and I've gotten a whopping_ forty_! It's a bloody _landmine_! Do you know how good that makes me feel? **

**I really didn't think myself to be _that_ good at this, dear readers. As I said in the first chapter, I've been considered a fairly competent writer - not a pro, still an amateur. I thought my ability in description abysmal, my obvious Mega Man allusions tacky, and my character to be read as cliché. You guys, however, have the Sasquatch thinking that he's seriously doing something right. Thank you all, you really do motivate me to keep with the update schedule. I swear your expectations won't be betrayed; not today, and not by me!**

**Here's where we finally introduce Utsuho Reuji, my favorite character in all of Touhou - by no secret at this point. I had all the fun I could with this one, so I hope it's a good read.**

**Thank you all once more, and let the chapter begin!**

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: The Bird is The Word

_JANE, STOP THIS CRAZY THING!_

"AGH-GH-GH-GH-GH-GH!" Blast it! Rocky terrain, you do not make for good travel when attempting to scream in fear!

"Whoo-hoo, to the generator!" Orin unnecessarily repeated, feet a blur as she flew along the dark tunnel, a frozen me toppled over in her wheelbarrow. "…Ah! I'd say that's good for now."

What do you mean, "Good for-" ZOINKS!

"Hiya!" What are you_** doing**_? If you're in the cart next to me, who's steering it? "So, tell me about yourself!"

"Eh! Shouldn't you be pushing the cart?" Orin waves me off dismissively.

"Nah. It's a pretty straight shot from here." She yawns, hands behind her head. True to form, the road is no longer so jagged. Still, this incline is just a _wee_ bit disconcerting.

Calm down, Ryan. Trust she values pleasing her master more than the fun of watching you go splat.

"Oh, I ougha introduce myself first!" She lets off a fanged grin. "Name's Orin, but you can just call me Rin!"

"Uh, yeah. Ryan Randa, pleased to meet- Oof!" My trademark intro has been cut off by a stray pebble! Blast it! How will I ever get copyrights on that now?

"Hee-hee! Yeah, Gensokyo's Import, right?" …Curses. How did I know this would happen, how did I know?

"Just as much as you are Hell's Traffic Accident."

_**BONK!**_

"Oi!" I rub the back of my head where she just bopped me. "That stung!"

"Well, I don't like that nickname!" Rin huffed, looking away.

"And I don't like Gensokyo's Import! Makes me feel like the stock market's bastard child…" I retort. Rin blinks in confusion.

"Huh? Why'd Aya put that as the header then?" Naivety, I wish I could have found you elsewhere.

"She exaggerated a huge amount just to sell papers." I explained. "Apparently, she's _been_ doing that. Makes a guy feel like a sucker."

"Oh, okay. I getcha." Rin said with a wink. "Still, delivery-sis has been bringing the news to Master Satori for a few seasons…guess _some_ of the articles were pretty unbelievable."

"So," I begin, twiddling my thumbs as the incline begins to level, "what about you? And Utsuho?

"I'm a corpse ferryman! …At least, I used to be." Rin states. "My job was to bring lots of corses to the furnace. But with Okuu's new powers, I haven't had to that much."

I scrunch my face in thought.

"You don't think she's taking business from you?" Rin bursts out laughing.

"Taking business? Raven-sis? Hell no!" She pauses some to giggle at the irony of her exclamation. "With Okuu working in the reactor, it's given me lots of extra free time! If anything, I'm robbing her! She seems to like the job well enough though, so eh."

"What about Utsuho herself?" Ack! Th-There's no need for the friendly headlock.

"Okuu? She's real great! One of the nicest youkai in all of the New Hell!" That's…not saying much at face value. "She's always working real hard to keep the reactor in check, and she never complains! She's always happy to help with whatever!"

"Any…limitations?"

"Eh, Okuu's not as bright as some of us, I can tell you." Rin adds halfheartedly. "She's just…forgetful. She's not an idiot, so don't be getting that idea."

I imagine you'd have to have some level of technical know-how to work a reactor. Flipping a switch or two. It's like Gordon Freeman, only female and not human!

_**BANG!**_

WOAHSHIT NEARLY THROWN OUTTA THE CART.

"Alright!" Rin leaps eagerly from her wheelbarrow. "We're here!"

…Woah. Maybe the Half-Life reference was more accurate than I thought. Y'know the room where the teleporter is, where the aliens start showing up? Extend it by a massive margin, like two-to-three times, make all the walls green with long neon lights of a brighter green, add some randomly-placed panels operated with hydraulics, and make the floor into a wide, quadruple-thick glass platform braced by metal.

Oh, and have all of that hanging over a gigantic artificial sun deep below. And sans the teleporter.

"Jesus please us…" I breath, stepping down the steps through the narrow doorway into the reactor. To sum up the aforementioned details, this place is kickass in a can. Or a cave. Whichever. "One person manages all of…this?"

Disbelief is starting to come back. There's no way anybody could take care of this thing on their own.

"Foreign contaminant detected!"

Foreign what-now?

_**VOOOOOM!**_

-!

FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU-

_**BOOM!**_

"Agh! A-hack, a-hack!" I cough as I recover from a very timely dodge roll, evading a very, _very_ hot orange beam of energy. "Who the hell?"

"Oh?" There's the voice again! "A human? Oops. I thought maybe a fairy'd gotten in here."

"Naw, Okuu." Rin comes up behind me. "Just me and a guest from the Master."

"Ah! Rin!" Huh, seems she's above- whoa!

_**CRASH!**_

"Agh! T-Take it easy!" Rin laughs as she struggles beneath the figure clamping onto her. "C'mon, Okuu, get off, you need to meet someone."

"Oh, sorry!" She hops off of Rin, floating in the air, and I get my first good look at Utsuho Reiuji. Her eyes, sparkling with enthusiasm were of a maroon shade, framed by deep chestnut hair flowing down to her waistline. The hair was held by a grass green ribbon perched atop her head. Beneath her hair and jutting from her back, two wings extending past arms-length stood erect, black feathers slightly swaying. Her attire is a white cloak with green decoration, extending into a _cape that's going over her wings and has a freaking cosmic backdrop inside them_.

That's…that's kickass on so many levels.

The rest was a green skirt that fluttered down to her knees. Here's where things get a little more bizarre, though. Her right foot is encased in steel. And her left has a pair of…are those _electrons_?

Also, a ruby and slitted eye sits in the center of her bust. Which reminds me, this girl actually is standing at my height and doesn't look ridiculously young! The closest I've seen is Meiling and Sakuya, who could pass for eighteen if you stretched it, but Utsuho looks early twenties! You know what that means, kids! I don't have to feel like a freak for finding someone to be pretty in this world! Huzzah!

Er. No. I didn't think that. Please tell me Satori's radar doesn't beep this far.

…Did I mention the pillar-like object covering her right arm? You know what that looks like?

Freaking arm cannon. Ryan, you've just struck a deposit of raw _gold_.

"I'm Utsuho Reiuji!" The raven states in a bubbly way, giving a slight bow. "But you can just call me Okuu, if you want!"

"Alright, U-er, I mean, Okuu!" I step forward, forgetting once more of foreign customs by extending my hand. "I'm Ryan Randa, pleased to meetcha!"

Okuu blinks some at my gesture. She reaches forward, and…

…pokes my hand twice with her index finger.

Sigh.

"No, sis." Rin laughs. She steps forward, grabbing the puzzled bird's appendage and puts it in mine. She grabs both of ours now, shaking them up and down "See? You do it like that."

Utsuho lets out a long "oh" in understanding, then eagerly shakes my hand on her own.

"Ha-ha! That's a funny way of greeting someone." She grins as she withdraws her hand.

"S-Sorry!" I can't tell if I'm apologizing to her, or Rin. "I'm not used to local customs yet."

"That's okay! That was fun to learn." She then pauses a moment before snapping her fingers. "Oh! But Master sent you here, right? What for?"

"He needs some consulting, Okuu." Rin explains. "And you're the ideal person to help."

"What? But…" Okuu blushes some, looking off to the side. "Rin, I'm not really…you know."

"Oh, it's not about educational things. At least, I'm pretty sure." Rin corrects her friend. She then turns to me. "Go on, guy. I'd like to know why you came here, too."

Alright. I nod to the two and step back a few paces. Cue the light show!

"_Haaaaaaaaa…!_" I crouch and clench my fists at my sides in a Dragonball-esque power up sequence. From a hole leading outside far above our heads, particles of sunlight begin to clump together. They grow dense, and then they all come down to me as streaks of light, darting into my body dozens at a time. When my body's maxed out, I release the stance, standing upright at my skin gives of a faint, but definite yellow glow. "Hah!"

Both girls stand flabbergasted. Predictably enough, Rin is the first to react.

"Woah, guy! That was-"

"That was so crazy!" However, nobody could have predicted Utsuho's sudden outburst. She proceeds to flip out, arms waving repeatedly. "You sucked in energy! Just-just like I do! How'd you do that?"

"I'm not sure." I admit with a shrug. "Something tells me to absorb energy, and I just kind of…do, you know?"

"Oh, I know!" The ravens grins. "Isn't it so weird when it goes through your skin?"

"Actually, yes!" Dude! I totally get that! "I told Reimu that, but she just said I was being a pansy! Ha! Shows what she-"

"Ryan, guy, hello!" Rin finally blurts. "Why'd you come down here specifically?"

"Well, my base power works just like Okuu's." I begin. "though it doesn't absorb just nuclear power. There's a myriad of options from my understanding. But I'm kinda struggling with the operations…"

"Oh!" Utsuho gives a broad smile. "That makes sense! I think I can help with that!"

"Really?"

"Yeah-huh!" She responds. "It should be fun!

"Ah, thank - YOWCH!" Damn Charlie Horse effect! Forgot to release the charge!

"Are you okay?" Rin quickly comes over, and I wave her off.

"I-It's fine." I insist. "I just-"

"Your capacity is still kinda low?" …Yeah, Okuu, that's right! She really does know this ability. "Okay. Hold still real quick!"

Eh? Why are you pointing your orange pole at-

_**Warble~warble~warble…**_

…What in the world?

Th-The energy! It's leaving me!

"Here we go!" Utsuho smiled confidently as the pole on her arm protruded four electrodes, into which the golden points of light from my torso were being taken. "This oughta do it!"

_**BING!**_

The pole makes a sound of confirmation as my body releases its tension immediately.

That was…crazy! She took what I'd already drawn in! Just…what _is_ that contraption?

"Hee. I bet you're wondering what this is?" Okuu grinned merrily, waving her tool around. "This is my control rod! Lady Kanako and the kappas gave it to me so I could control my powers better! It makes things way easier!"

Heh! Well, aren't you proud? I guess you can pull rank on me pretty easily with that thing, huh?

"Watch this!" Utsuho pointed her control rod off into the distance, looking over her shoulder to make sure I was paying attention. "Are you watching? Watch! This is neat!"

_**PING!**_

A narrow beam of golden power launches from the control rod, stopping at a certain point in midair past the platform, forming a globe. The globe then splits into streams -much like my first time absorbing fire- which fly to the underside of the platform, going down, down, down, until…

_**FWOOSH!**_

A wave of flames from the sun below reach for and eagerly lap up the projectile. And Utsuho is grinning proudly.

"Great job, Okuu!" Rin laughs from the wall she's leaning on, clapping. "You're as good at this as always!"

"Yeah-huh!" She is beaming, fists clenched in front of her chest. "Master said that I'm the only one besides a god to ever be able to do that! Isn't it cool?"

It is! To think she could command that behemoth to take in that power while at the same time guiding the streams there!

"Impressed, right!" The Raven giggles. It's good that she's so proud of her ability! I still find my version a bit freaky. "…Oh! I got it!"

Got it? What's "it" ?

"What's that, sis?" Rin asks from her wall.

"That could be the thing!" She declares, pointing upwards dramatically. "Y'know, the first thing I help you with!"

"Wha?" Get out, seriously? "Me, do _that_? I dunno, isn't there anything more basic?"

"Oh, you don't do that right away!" Utsuho corrects me. She floats up higher, her wings shifting ever so slightly. She holds her left hand into the air, the control rod resting on her skirt in front of her on her other arm. Her left hand begins to glow with a white energy. "See? This is what you do first!"

…Again, I'm supposed to do THAT?

Utsuho giggles some, tossing the sparkling orb of energy in her hand up and down. She tosses it up a third time, and the power is dismissed. She removes her control rod from its stationary position, pumping it in the air. Pseudo fist-pump? Man, I don't even know.

"All you have to do first in form a globe in your hand! It's super-easy!" Says you. Still, I suppose. I guess I just…I dunno, will the energy to my hand? Alright, let me get a charge going- "No, don't draw anything in!"

Eh?

"What do you mean?" Okuu folds her arms in a disappointed manner. Is what I'm missing that obvious?

"You can't suck up energy first! That's cheating!" Rin coughs in an uncertain manner. She steps forward.

"Uh, Okuu. Sis. Are you sure _you_ didn't your first time?" What.

…

"…Ah…" It's my lucky day! I was falling behind in my face palm quota. "No! At least, I'm pretty sure I didn't! I can't remember ever storing power first!"

"Well, my ability is a bit different…" I insist. "And I don't have a control rod, myself. Couldn't you let it slide?"

"Well…okay." Okuu hesitantly submits. "Sorry, I just wanted to make sure I told you right, Ryan."

I nod for her to not worry. I'd been drawing in power all this time, anyway, so I'm prepped to go.

"So, how do I go about this?" I ask, entering a crouched stance.

"Well, it's hard to explain." She rubs the back of her head sheepishly with her control rod. "You just kind of tell it to go to your arm, and it…does?"

Why does that method of explanation seem so familiar? Oh well, I get it in any case. Basically, what I expected.

Okay, here goes something!

…

Aaaaaand it's harder than I thought. Redirecting into my veins and arteries is one thing, actively the actual controlling direction is another. …Huh. Maybe I can, like, reach into my subconscious like I did to bring back the Jellyfish Princess spell? Worth a shot. Back to the abyss!

"Uh, you okay, guy? Hello? You all there…?"

Rin's voice fades from perception as I delve into my inner mind. I never did really explain it, did I? Basically, think that place from Kingdom Hearts, the training stage. However, there is no tower or glass platform, it's just a black void with random points of light suspended in midair.

…Still more comfy than Yukari's though. Right, controlling direction!

I assume I'm standing where I want the energy to "go" . However, it's floating far off in the distance. Do I really just… "call" it to me? Eh, worth a shot.

"Oi! Energy…ball…thing!"

No response.

"Uh… H-Hey! This is your master talking to you! You get over to where I am, right now!"

A slight vibration, then nothing.

…

"_FREAKING PULSATING ORB! YOU REPORT FOR DUTY THIS INSTANT BEFORE I FIRE YOU AT A TREE!_"

The hell? I didn't say tha-

_**ZIP!**_

-!

It's coming this way! Agh!

_**SHEEN!**_

…

Uh?

I'm back to reality?

"Ah! Great job, guy!" Rin grins with one eye winking and a thumb raised in approval.

Great job with what now?

Wah! I-In my hand!

"Yahoo, success!" Okuu cheers with another control rod fist-pump.

Mine's…different than hers, though. It's just one of my charge shots, frozen in place.

Still, this is far out. I've never actually felt my own danmaku before! It's a surreal feeling, like a warm ball of air just floating in my palm!

I'll call you "Sparky" !

"Blue? Aw, no fair~." Utsuho whines. "Mine only come in white and orange…"

_**SHOOM!**_

-!

WHAT THE FOOGE?

"Look, see?" She balances a miniature sun twice her size in diameter above her head. "Orange. So boring~."

It. She.

That is. I don't. You really.

Bluh.

"Uh, Okuu?" Rin calls, unnerved by my slack-jawed stare. "I think you're making him feel a bit inadequate."

"What?"

"It means he feels like a wimp when you're holding that big thing." Pretty much, yeah.

"Oh! Sorry Ryan!" Utsuho tosses the sun into the air and spears it with a narrow, orange beam. The sun implodes in a bright flash, and then there is nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

She made that huge thing on a whim and decimated it just as quickly.

We're not worthy, we're not worthy!

"Are you feeling okay?" Okuu lowers herself back to my level - physically speaking of altitude, of course. "You look pale…"

"I-I'm fine." Now I feel like a heel for causing worry. "I'm just blown away. You made that huge thing so easily, then just blew it apart?"

"Well…yeah!" She replies with a fading smile.

"…How can Yukari expect me to match that kind of…" Utsuho looks shocked! Whoops! I didn't mean to say that! "Ah, s-sorry, Okuu! I was just thinking out loud!"

"…It's okay!" Her smile returns at this. "I'm sorry too. I don't want anybody to feel bad because of my abilities!"

"Ah…" Uh? Rin looks real disheartened all of a sudden. They're thinking of a common event, aren't they? "Yeah, sis, I understand. Don't sweat it, that was a while ago…"

I see. So that's it, huh? Smooth move, Randa.

"My bad, girls." They both face me, confused. "I'm sure that was a hard time for you. I didn't mean to make you think of that."

"Wh-what?" Utshuo goes pale. "You know about when I…when I was all…crazy!"

"Yeah."

"And you came down here anyway." Rin states skeptically.

"Well, yes, but…that's all in the past, right?" They both say nothing. There's an awkward silence. "Eh-heh…right?"

_**GRIP!**_

Sunnuvabitch headlock!

"Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wow, I'm really impressed!" Rin grins, her arm about my neck. "Most people who come to the Underground are too scared to come here in the first place, let alone go near _here_! And they don't even know about when bird-sis went nuts!"

"Uh, Rin?" Okuu shyly raises a finger in interjection. "I think you've been hanging around Yuugi too much again…"

"Oh? I guess." She releases her grip. "I just like that headlock thing she does, it's fun!"

"I can tell…" I cough. Utsuho steps forward, smiling broadly.

"Thank you so much, though!" Okuu bows a little. "You're a very nice person!"

"Yeah! Sturdy like big sis strong corpse, too!" Who? "…Know what? I'm calling you big bro strong corpse from now on!"

Um. Strong _corpse_?

"Ah…thanks, I think?" Rin grins, laying a hand on my shoulder. "Anyway, we're all good?"

"Yeah!" Okuu responds. "Did you want to try putting it in the big sun below, now?"

Why not? I'm in a chipper mood.

"Sure!" I call back my globe, letting it rest in my palm. "Just talk me through it, okay?"

"Okay!" Okuu formed a globe in her palm and balanced it. "Right! The thing you wanna do is put your brain in the ball!"

Erm…what?

"Oh…I guess that sounds weird." She paused. "it's like…I put my brain in my control rod in order to shoot from it, you know?"

Oh! Like how I channel shots through my Buster!

"Like this?" I ask. Utsuho looks on as I focus, and by my guidance the orb begins to levitate higher, moving in a little circle. "I think I've got it?"

"Yeah! That's right!" Okuu grins. "Okay, now do what I do!"

The raven gestures towards the closest edge of the platform. The white, shimmering orb slowly floats over to the point she wishes, then stops in midair. I appreciate the gesture, but you didn't have to do it so slowly. I mean, it's not anything you did physically, speed is kind of irrelevant. Regardless!

"I'll give it a shot." I motion for my projection to follow the same path as hers. It slowly floats over…two meters…three…and…!

_**Fzzzzzt!**_

…It dissipates. The thing just fizzled out of existence. Damnsit.

"Oh, darn." Rin mutters from her wall. "I thought you had that…"

"So did I." I sigh, sitting on the ground cross-legged. Well, I wasn't going to get this down pat the first day, I guess. "Maybe that's for a later time…"

"No, you try again!" Utsuho pouts. She flies over to me. "Here, now stand up!"

Alright, but I don't see how this - woah!

"I'll help you this time." Utsuho says, having grabbed my arm and yanked me closer. I should add being yanked so close makes me a touch uncomfortable… Oh, Reimu was right - I _can_ be a wimp sometimes. "Make another one."

"Um, alright, why not?" I move my right arm forward, with her still gripping the forearm, and create a third globe. Okuu closes her eyes, brow furrowed in focus. I guess it's a little trying to directly hack into my control over the thing. The red eye in her chest begins to glow faintly, and the raven returns from what I'll assume is her subconscious. "Well, now what?"

"Just do what you did before." She states, her control rod's point resting on the ground with a small _**clang**_. "I'll help fill in what you miss."

I make the same motion as before. This time, however, the flight pattern is much smoother and more consistent. It slowly makes it's way over to Utsuho's -I'm still surprised she's kept it materialized while helping me- and stops, right next to it.

"Okay!" She raises her control rod in the direction of her own globe. "Now, I tell it to get all stringy, you know? Like this!"

The white globe bursts apart without damaging mine, transformed into spiraling streams of energy.

"Alright…" Huh, this'll be complicated. …Y'know, the fire from the Hakurei shrine did the same thing, but while going to me rather than away from me. Maybe if I think "fire" while willing it away…

_**Bursh!**_

Gah! J-Just a little haphazard! Lucky for me, Okuu picked up my slack, her glowing chest-eye as evidence of this. Either way, mine has broken into blue streams, swirling in a cylinder shape next to hers.

"Whoo, that looks cool!" Rin grinned. "You're gonna send it down below next, right?"

"Yep!" Okuu responded. She paused some, as if to consider something. "Ooh! Ryan, I just had an interesting idea!"

"Well, I've got nowhere to be!" I respond in kind, mostly focused on keeping my energy over there in focus. "Lay it on me!"

"What if we made them go down together! That'd be so pretty, with the blue and white mixed!" …I've gotta say, it would look pretty sweet. Still…

"…How about we do individually, first?" I suggest. "You never know when I'll need to be able to do this on my own."

"Well, alright!" Utsuho's pleasant expression falters a little. I guess she really wants to try something new, huh? "Now, what you do is you kind of…grab them, and throw them down. Don't put your brain in them. I did that once…it stung a lot."

Considering we're talking about hurling the energy into a blazing mass, I can understand why you wouldn't want to keep up the mental connection.

"Watch, it's like this!" She motioned the control rod to her streams, the tip of the tool shimmering with a white light. At once, the energy streams froze in place. Then, they bolted down like arrows, into the massive sun below, where they were immediately caught in the flames.

_**Sworsh!**_

Such interesting sounds things are making today! Alright, my turn!

The streams halt in midair on my command. …Wait, why are they forming balls again? Well, might as well work with this, chalk it up to the minor differences.

_**PING!**_

Gah! They shot off in laser form!

"Ooh, wow!" Okuu is in awe as the rays of light. "So pretty…d'oh, why can't mine do that?"

The raven's head comically hangs in a dejected manner. Not wanting to prolong this awkward moment, I pat her on the arm.

"Er…hey, it's fine! Yours are still bigger, right?"

"I guess!" Cripes, her mood just did a total one-eighty! She lets go of my arm, giving an endearing head tilt. "Hee, okay! Let's do them both together now, you said we could!"

Heh. I turn away and stroke my chin, as if heavily considering the matter. Okuu looks anxious at this, lower lip quivering and hand grasping her control rod in front of her chest, in a pleading fashion. I can hear Rin stifling her laughter, she gets what I'm up to.

"I sup-pose~!" I submit, causing Okuu to clap her hand and rod together happily. "On one condition: I make mine on my own this time, okay?"

"Well…I guess!" …That's odd. Why would she hesitate on that condition? I'm probably thinking too much. "Let's do this!"

"Got it!" I form a blue orb, Utsuho creating a white one. I'm actually getting worked up myself! Now comes the hard part… Easy does it, glide it over… there! The orbs are in position!

"Now break them apart! Break them apart!" Right! Steady…and…snap! The smaller blue globes are orbiting around Utsuho's streams. This is looking awesome already! I can't wait to see the end result! "Alright, Okuu! Ready!"

"Alright! On Three!" She beams eagerly, control rod shaking slightly in anticipation. I get in position, awaiting the count. "One…"

"Two…" I continue.

"_Three_!" We shout simultaneously, commanding the streams and orbs to fly!

What's all this then? They spiral downwards, gathering closer and closer to each other…until…

_**SHVING! **_

-!

"Ah!" Utsuho cries in shock.

_**Shimmer-shimmer-shimmer…**_

The streams and globes have combined, forming a shining, sparkling wave of light, suspended in the air. Within, blue swirls and twists within the white. Almost like…a galaxy!

Rin's only response is an impressed whistle. By this point, she's pretty much a background character to us. Our primary focus is on the masterpiece below, lighting up the entirety of the massive cavern with a brighter shade than the dull orange before.

…

"…I guess we…drop it now?" I have to ask. This…thing we've made is wonderful, but this _is_ a nuclear reactor. If left for too long, it could cause problems.

"Do we have to?" Utsuho whines some, refusing to budge her control rod. She then shakes her head rapidly. "No, that's a dumb risk to take! You're right, let's drop it. Together now, okay?"

Alas, danmaku-galaxy, parting is such sweet sorrow…but we must part nonetheless.

"Gotcha." I follow the motion that my friend makes, slowly lowering the mass to the sun below, the fiery pit already sending waves of flames upward, eager to lap up the energy. I look over to Okuu. She faces me at the same time, smiling sheepishly with an expression of "oh well". Yeah, it's just a beautiful accident, right? Nothing to get worked up over.

_**FWOOSH!**_

We lower our arms a few centimeters more, and the anomaly is gone, pulled into and consumed by the flames. The cavern of the reactor is no longer alit with white light, but the same dull orange as before.

Maybe that's why Okuu finds this color boring.

"That…was…COOL!" Rin jumped from her spot, rushing over to us. "I can't believe you guys made that big thing just from two danmaku globes!"

"That's right!" Utsuho slaps her rod into her free hand in an "aha!" fashion. "Ryan, you had half of that, right?"

I slowly nod. Yeah…point being?

"You said you couldn't make big things from danmaku, and you just did! And it was real pretty, too!"

-!

Th-That's right! I _was_ controlling half of that, wasn't I?

"Hm…you know…" Rin begins slowly, "…that would make an awesome Spell Card!"

"Yeah, it actually would!" I can't keep my opinion quiet. Rin grins and dashes over to Utsuho, raising her arm.

"I call it for Okuu!" Agh, no fair! I didn't even have a chance! Utsuho takes Rin's hand away.

"No, that wouldn't be fair." She pauses. "Hm…oh, how can we make this even?"

I wonder…

Oh! I've been struck by inspiration!

"I've got an idea!" I announce, catching their attention. "First, we need a name it though."

"What's the idea?" Rin asks, still miffed she couldn't call dibs for the nuclear raven.

"Well, it looked kind of like a galaxy, right?" Rin nods. Okuu head tilts in confusion. Rin then groans and whispers in her ear. Okuu nods afterward. "…Good enough. Anyway, when it came together, it looked like my orbs were stars or planets, and Okuu's streams were like stardust! We could divvy it up that way!"

"Hm. But we couldn't make the big thing again?" Okuu ponders. Rin slaps her forehead while chuckling.

"Oh, duh! That's right!" She turned to us. "Big sis strong corpse once said something about two-person Spell Cards! It could work out that way!"

"Really?" I ask. I never thought of that! "That's great, Rin!"

"Yeah!" Okuu grins. "Ooh! Let's try it out now, this is so great!"

…Hm…hey, I've got a quirky idea brewing!

"Nah, let's not." The two look to me in shock.

"What? But why?" Okuu whines. "C'mon, that's no fair!"

"Let me finish!" I hold up a finger in interjection. "Let's not do it now…however!"

Dramatic pause!

"In the very next danmaku battle we get into solo…" I begin. "…we'll use those cards! And the first time we're in a two-on-two battle, we'll blow them away with the combined one, whoever it is!"

"That's…not a half bad idea!" Rin responds. "Yeah! It can be like a friendship bracelet or a matching something, but in Spell Card form!"

Okuu's eyes widen and she squeals in joy.

"Ooh! Ooh! That's an even better plan!" She rushes over to me and grabs my hands between hers. (Well, one's a metal pole, but I think that's been pointed out enough.) "We'll do that then! It's a promise, okay?"

Guh! This closeness is making me blush, I can tell! Still, I'm the one who suggested it.

"…Yeah! You've got it!" I nod affirmatively. "It's a promise. First person who crosses me is getting hit by that card!"

"Yay!" Okuu lets go of my hands and takes to the air, twirling a few times with a joyful face. Rin and I share a laugh at the expense of the raven's childish antics. All I have to say to this is, "Huzzah for new friends" !

"Ha-ha! …Uh?" Rin stops, staring at something behind me. "Aw…"

What? What is it?

"Looks like it's time for you to go, bro." The cat shrugs. I turn to see what she's looking at.

There, in the entrance we'd came from, there is a wide open gap. A signal it's time for me to leave. I look back to the hole up at the top, far above. The night sky can be seen beyond.

"What?" Okuu stops twirling and lower to our level. "Aw, so soon? Are you sure you can't stay?"

Hm. No, I promised Patchouli I'd meet her at the SDM tomorrow, and there's no telling how far the underground is away from the usual route.

"Sorry, Okuu. I've got a schedule to keep." The bird pouts at my response. "…But y'know, after tomorrow I'm free as far as I know! How about I ask Yukari to come back then?"

"Okay, that sounds nice!" Utsuho beams. She approaches me, hand outstretched. "I'll see you later, Ryan!"

"We both will." Rin adds. "And don't think I'll let you off the hook if you don't show up!"

"Wouldn't dream of it!" With that, I run up the steps, taking one last look to the cat and bird, both waving - Rin, trying to look cool and aloof, Okuu waving much more energetically. "See ya!"

I step between the ribbons, and am on my way through Yukari's dimension once again.

* * *

What the-?

..._How_ did this happen?

Reimu's lying on the floor, passed out with a drooling smile on her face. And this smell… Oh lord, she got hammered, didn't she?

Suika's lying under the table, snoring away with her gourd -undoubtedly the culprit in this mess- hugged to her like a teddy bear. Around the room, there are overturned cups and rice scattered in various places. I'm guessing Reimu's equivalent of a "girls' afternoon out" happened while I was away. Can't tell if I'm disappointed I wasn't here for that, or thanking my lucky stars.

Speaking of "stars"…

I hold my hand out, and a Spell Card appears, floating over my palm with sparkles coming off.

The card reads "_Galaxy Sign: "Sunlight's Starstorm" _."

In my head, I can envision just what it does. Ooh, I'm hoping someone at the SDM picks a fight tomorrow.

"Alright, you shameless miko. Come here." I mutter in a hushed tone. With that, I heft Reimu over my shoulder, grabbing her fallen gohei. I make my way to her room, laying the drooling girl on her futon and resting the gohei against the wall. "G'night, Reimu."

Shutting the sliding door quietly, I make my way over to my Guest Room. The moment I open the door, I can see there's a pile of objects lying on my futon.

My iPod touch and PSP lay atop three sets of clothing. Beneath those clothes, my two jackets lie folded. A note sits atop the whole thing.

**Ryan**

**Now wasn't that fun, dear? From what Satori could make out from so far away, you and her pet hit it off quite well!**

**I'm glad you've made new friends, I really am. However, for quite some time, I'm going to be busy, so don't expect to spend any more time with your friend Yukari for a while. I'm sorry, I know you're heartbroken.**

**Don't worry about it, though! I'll still have a gap open from time to time to check on you, even if you don't see me. If you need transport, just find someplace quiet so you don't look crazy, and call to see if I'm around. Me or Ran should be able to lend a hand. (Also, if you need your devices charged, Ran will come by and grab them from you to be refueled at my home. She can't be doing this left and right, so try to make what you have last!)**

**Well, that's about it, dearie! Talk to you some other time!**

**-Yukari**

Well, I've got to say, I'm not disappointed at all! This is a nice turnout!

…

…You know, maybe I shouldn't go to bed just yet.

"Heh-heh!" I place my earbuds in my ears, flip to Lead Sails Paper Anchors, and boot up Dissidia Final Fantasy - making sure the portable's turned to "mute" .

Hey, I can afford to lose a little sleep for entertainment, right? Hell, I've earned it!

Besides, what's the worst that could happen if I'm a little sleepy tomorrow?

* * *

In the Master Bedroom of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, Remilia Scarlet suddenly falls to her knees with a grunt, clutching her abdomen.

"My lady!" Sakuya Izayoi appears from nowhere, rushing to her mistress's aid.

"Sakuya…" Remilia groans, getting to her feet. "It's that time again."

"…I see." The maid backs away some. "Your urge to feed is growing too large."

"Yes." The vampire sighs, turning to the moon in the window. Tomorrow it would be full, and there would be little she could do to suppress her instincts. "We cannot take the risk of going by the Human Village. They're still angry about the last time, I'm sure."

"So, what shall we do, then?" Sakuya asks. Reimilia stops to think before responding.

"…Eintei." The vampire finally responds. "That doctor, Eirin, is known to keep blood samples around. I'm sure she could part with one."

"Yes, an excellent plan." Sakuya responds. "…But…if we should run into a human along the way?"

"…Go to Patchouli." Remilia instructs. "Tell her she will be accompanying us on this trip. If nothing else, she should have a few spells to keep me from losing control."

"Ah…are you certain?" Reimilia turns on her maid with a vicious gaze. "I-I'm not questioning you! It's just…you know how Miss Patchouli is."

"Remind her of just how we managed to supply her with new books if she objects. That was a hefty favor we had to do for Yukari to make that happen." Remilia explains. Sakuya bows.

"As you wish, my lady." The maid turned about and headed through the door. Before she went to deliver the message, she had to be sure that all the maids understood that nobody was to approach the basement tomorrow.

Meanwhile, within said basement, Flandre Scarlet clutched her middle as well, a faint light trickling through the bars on the door. However, unlike her older sister, Flandre wasn't panicking in the slightest. In fact, an insane little giggle escaped her lips, which broke into a fanged grin.

She had heard everything that her onee-sama and Sakuya had said. They wouldn't be here tomorrow. Neither would Patchouli. And Meiling would be outside the building. None of them would be here.

Somebody _else_, however, would.

Her tongue ran across her fangs. It wouldn't be a big deal, she was positive of that. What's the worst that could happen?

They take her toys? All of her toys were broken anyway.

She gets grounded? She had been locked down here for five hundred years straight before her sister had fought Reimu, a few weeks was nothing.

She goes without supper a few days?

That was fine, too. If she could feed directly again after all these years, she was convinced it could carry her another century.

**

* * *

**

**Ryan's met up with Utsuho, a character who will become very important to our story, and made arrangements to meet her again.**

**...Let's hope he survives long enough to make good on that promise.**

**Until next time, readers…we begin the close of the Scarlet Devil Mansion Arc.**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!**


	14. Chapter 14

**(Sorry for the delay, real life was being a tool. A screwdriver, specifically.)**

**And here we are, at the beginning of the end of the SDM Arc! Remilia, Sakuya, and Patchouli are away, and Ryan's still heading to the mansion at their behest! They've left three of their own behind - Koakuma, Meiling and Flandre who, like her sister, is suffering the pangs of her vampiric instincts.**

**And honestly, readers, do you think that the former two can keep Flandre at bay? I certainly don't.**

**Without further ado, here we go! Chapter START!**

* * *

Chapter Fourteen: Terror of the Little Sister

"Oi! Suika! Have you seen my shoes?"

"Nope, can't say I have, Raikou!"

"Oh come on, that one wasn't even _close_!"

Urgh…got-dangit, Suika, you know I have someplace to be! I've already slept in a bit, I gotta make my way to the SDM, and you're not helping! And if you're not part of the solution, then…

…**you're part of the problem.**

…

Yeah. Sure. Like I'd actually try to take out Suika. There's a laugh if I've ever heard one.

"Suika, aren't those them on your feet?" Reimu blinks, pointing to the oni's feet. Oi, I should've known.

"Whaaaaaat~? These are my new slippers!"

"No. They aren't." I groan.

"…Huh. What did I buy yesterday then?" She wonders, a finger poked into her lower lip, looking towards the ceiling in puzzlement.

"_YOU WERE DRINKING UNDER THE TABLE!_"Reimu roared in an angry anime fashion. "You never left the shrine!"

"Heeeeeeey." Suika interjects, arms a-crossed. "You were drinking too…"

"…" Reimu glowers menacingly, pulling a spell card from her robes. You really are hung over this day, aren't you?

…Waitaminute.

-! E. GADDS!

NOT MY SHOOOOOOOOES~!

_**Grab'd!**_

Ha-HA! I have stopped your evil, foul villain, now…er, now…

…Ah…now she's mad at _me_.

_**THWACK!**_

Ouchies!

Reimu brushes her recently-used knuckles against her side while I rub the spot on my head everybody likes to smack. Huzzah.

"A lesson to be learned, Randa." The miko huffs. "Those who stand in my way will reap punishment."

"You're despicable." I retort with an intentional lisp while Reimu raises an eyebrow. You aren't so tough, shrine maiden! All it would take is one mountain drop from someone my size and weight, and…!

…Aaaaaand I'd have no place to sleep. Damnsit. Yukari, where's my new cribz already?

Meanwhile, Suika puzzled and puzzled 'till her puzzler was sore. Then the loli thought of something she hadn't before!

Maybe her slippers, perhaps, didn't come from a store! Maybe the slippers, in fact, washed up with me on Misty Lake's shore.

How do I know this? Well, in a few seconds she'll say…

"I guess I'll let you borrow my slippers today." Ha! Totally called the rhyme scheme. At least I got my Cons back. "Hey, that's weird."

"What is?" Reimu asked. Suika crouched to examine my now-covered feet.

"They fit him perfectly, almost as if they _were_ his shoes!" My word, she could dethrone Professor Layton and Phoenix Wright both with that deductive ability! She stands back up. "Huh. Well, if I see anymore like these, I'll know they're yours!"

What? But you - and it - that is -

I can't win ever, I swear.

"Ahem. Anyway, Reimu, I'm heading out, now." I say, approaching the door. Oh wait, I've forgotten something! "Oh! Uh, Suika, could you…?"

"Here ya go!" Suika casually tosses my claymore and gun up and down. She stops, then tosses them to me underhand. "Heads up!"

I raise my arms to catch them. However, I then remember this is, once more, an oni.

Crap baskets.

_**WHUMP!**_

_**CRASH!**_

"Ow…"

"Suika, please help him get out of the paneling."

* * *

Meanwhile, some ten minutes before…

"Alright, Koakuma. You understand everything I've told you?" Patchouli questions her assistant, eyes narrowed. "This will be the first time in _literal_ ages since you've had to tend to the library yourself. You're absolutely certain you have it under control?"

"Yes, Miss Patchouli!" Koakuma saluted. "Don't worry about a thing! I'll see to it that your books stay safe!

_Unless Marisa shows up,_ Patchouli mentally groaned, _in which case I'll be lucky if half my inventory remains._

While this was happening, Remilia spoke with Sakuya at the bottom of the steps.

"Sakuya." Remilia called, grabbing her parasol from by the door, "You've ensured that the fairy staff understand that there's to be no mischief?"

"Of course, my lady." Sakuya replied with a bow. She then looked over her shoulder. "Of course, unless our staff has any objections to the matter…"

Several fairies on the steps gulped and cowered behind the handrails, having seen the knives that Sakuya was discretely, but deliberately, flashing in their direction.

"Good." Remilia smiled, twirling her small umbrella a bit. "Then we're off."

"The trip should be concluded by tomorrow morning, if all goes well." Sakuya stated for her mistress' sake. Remilia nodded affirmatively.

"Yes. Of course, I knew this already." Remilia replied. She hadn't known in truth, of course. "Come along, everyone!"

Remilia strolled out the door, followed closely by Sakuya.

"Patchouli-san." Sakuya called.

Begrudgingly, the Great Unmoving Library moved.

…

From outside, some activity could be heard.

_**SHVICK!**_

"Ow~!"

"Stay focused, Meiling."

_**

* * *

Warble~warble~warble**_

And out we come, right at the-

…eh? This is Misty Lake!

"Ran!" I call back into the gap. "Your aim's a bit off. This isn't the outer wall."

"Oh! Er, my apologies." The shikigami's head poked out. "I'm still something of a novice after all."

"Ran-shama!" A voice could be heard behind the fox. "I'm huuuuuungry, are you done helping Ryan-shan yet?"

You are also easily distracted, it would seem. Still, at least Yukari wasn't BS-ing me about quick and easy transport, not to mention Ran's very accommodating.

"Don't sweat it, Ran." I tell her, who is now anxiously glancing behind her as if she expects Chen to come bursting out of the gap and run amok any second. "I'll just get some exercise crossing the lake. Thanks again for the ride!"

"Anytime! Just call again when you're ready to leave!" Ran's voice fades as the gap closes. With that taken care of, I spin on my heels and take a flying leap towards the first rock on the way to the mansion.

I really hope I have to do this a little as possible, though. Even if nobody's around when you do it, shouting "YUKARI!" into the air and hoping she's paying attention is embarrassing all the same.

Hup-two-three-four, hup-two-three-four… Looks like Cirno's not around either. Are she and Mystia still looking for that "Rumia" girl? …Damn, I should've asked Ran if she'd heard anything! Sigh. Oh well, I'm sure that she's not dead or anything. I mean, that's what the Spell Card system is for, right? Plus, I can't imagine a youkai murder happening in Gensokyo. This place seems a bit too light-hearted for that.

_**Tmp!**_

Then again, I couldn't imagine Gensokyo _period_ a few days ago…

"Ah, Ryan-san!" Meiling hurries over from her spot in the wall, greeting in a respectful bow. "It's good to see you!"

"Hey, Mei!" I wave cheerily. "Nice to see you too!"

_**CLANG!**_

Meiling's punch crashes against my sword, and is stopped cold.

"It's good to see you," I smirk. "but your sneak attacks still fail."

"Hm. So, you've gotten better…" Meiling retracts her fist from where it clashed against my sword. One of these days I'll need to train my actual body to sustain the blow, rather than drawing a melee weapon for defense. The guard pouts some and glances off to the side. "Anyways, what brings you here?"

Eh? Isn't it obvious?

"Patchouli invited me back to work on my abilities more." I explain. Meiling blinks in disbelief. "Why, is there a problem?"

"Well, eh-heh-heh, there's a small one…" Meiling laughs nervously, holding up a finger. "She's not…exactly…here."

Beg pardon? She called me here, and _she_ flaked? Her, who seems like the type who never leaves the house?

"Yeah, but is Koakuma here?" I ask. Sure, my being around her is a bit dangerous, but maybe Patchouli left matters to her for today?

"I think she is, actually." Meiling ponders, stroking her chin. "I guess she left the library to Koa-chan. Weird, I never thought Patchouli-san would trust _anyone_ with that…"

That's true. Even from the short time I've been here, Koakuma does seem a little scatterbrained to handle that huge place alone. Also, "Koa-chan" . What?

"In any case," I begin, "I'm going to assume that Patchouli left things to her, so if I could just head in…?"

"Certainly!" Meiling smiles, taking a moment to stretch. "Ah…I think I'll come along, too. I don't think I'll really be needed here today."

…Er, isn't that why a guard would be here? To ensure that nobody comes in regardless of uncertainty?

I give up. Genokyo's sense translates to me as none.

_**

* * *

Creeeaaak…**_

Flandre's head snapped up from her sitting position. She knew that scent right away.

"Uh, hey! Koakuma!" Came a distant, muffled voice.

"Mr. Randa? Why are you here?" Came a female tone. "And Meiling, why did you leave your post?"

"Ah…" Came China's embarrassed drone. "Well, you see…"

The voices faded away as they left. At the very least, that simplified matters. Now all that Flandre had to do was wait for a fairy to float by.

…

…but, maybe she could afford to speed up the process a bit?

"Oh, agh!" Flandre made fake groaning noises of pain, approaching the barred door. "I need a maid, please! I don't feel good…"

"F-Flandre-sama! Coming!" Came a tiny voice. Flandre grinned, giggling deviously while she sensed the maid's approach.

The maid, a small white-haired fairy whose name is of little importance, was fluttering out of the kitchen when she heard the sister of her mistress cry out in pain. This fairy was a little more diligent than most, so upon hearing her superior's distress, she came as soon as possible.

Little did she know of the small vampire's deception…

"I'm here!" The fairy took out a seal given to her and several others for the sake of undoing the spell keeping Flandre's door shut. She placed the seal on the door, and a clicking sound was heard. Without a moment's delay, she flung the door open. "What's wrong, Flandre-sa-"

_**CRACK!**_

The maid gasped at the sudden impact. A moment later, her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she fell to the ground, unconscious. From the space above the door, Flandre emerged from hiding. She looked over her shoulder as she entered the living room.

"My tummy hurts…" She responded to the unfinished question. "but that's okay!"

Her eyes began to glow dully, her voice becoming slightly deeper and more commanding.

"_I can take care of that myself._"

* * *

"Geez, I'm sorry, Mr. Randa." Koakuma sighed, scratching the back of her head. "With Miss Patchouli going and all, I completely forgot that we were going to see you today!"

"Well, it looks like she forgot, herself." Meiling added in. "It seems odd that she would, though. Patchouli-san hardly forgets anything, much less appointments."

"Oh well." I mutter. "Seems like that leaves the schedule pretty open, huh?"

I can't believe this. Patchouli outright forgot I was going to be here! It seems like she, Remilia and Sakuya headed to a place called…Entei? No, that's a Pokemon. Enter? Excel? Whatever. Gone to E-something for reasons undisclosed. That, or Koakuma can't tell us. Whatever works.

"Hm…still, it doesn't seems like we should just call it a day." Meiling stated. "Isn't there something the three of us could do?"

Yeah, that's true. I mean, if I had known this would happen, I would've called for a gap to the Underground, but I feel like hanging out with Meiling today. No need to let this go to waste.

"Actually," I begin, "there is something that all three of us could do at once!"

"Really? Like what?" Koakuma ponders a moment. Suddenly, her face goes beet red and she crosses her arms over her chest. "_Mr. Randa! _I know this seems like a situation with potential, but have some _shame_!"

What's wrong? I haven't even told you my idea!

"What are you talking about?" I ask. "I was going to say, if you could create orbs of elemental energy, we could have a game of pseudo-catch. What's wrong with that?"

Koakuma sweat drops. Meiling looks at her a moment before her mouth hangs open in shock.

"Ugh! Koa-chan, I can't believe you'd think me to be so dishonorable!"

What? She's blushing, but I-…

Dude! She thought that I wanted to-? No! God, do I look that sleazy?

"No! God no!" I insist, waving my hands. "I can't believe you even thought of that!"

"Well, I just- I mean, I-" Koa stammers, trying to save herself.

"Well, she _is_ a succubus!" Meiling turns to me with a mischievous grin. Oh, I know this game!

I _love_ this game.

Yeah, you know, you're right!" I respond, keeping with the idea. "And her master isn't here to keep her restrained…maybe I should ask you to keep a close eye on her, Mei!"

Koa is still muttering, attempting to redeem herself. Meiling gives my a sideways look, to which I respond with a thumbs-up behind my back.

"That's- you both- I-…" The she-devil hangs her head in defeat. "…May I go sulk in the corner, please?"

"No you can't!" Meiling grabs her wrist before she has a chance to flee. "Ryan-san's idea was actually a good one. I'm sure Patchouli-san's taught you something about elements?"

"Ah…yes, she has." Koakuma turns her palm up. Her hand glows orange, and a small ball of fire rises from her skin. "I'm still in the basics, but I can keep one materialized."

Heh-heh…good, good. It's all going according to plan. Now, if I can get ahold of that…

"Good." I adopt a crouched stance. "Now, could you toss it my way?"

"Sure thing!" Koa lobs the orb into the air, which collides with me after falling in a tall arc. Of course, the absorption is as seamless as ever. "Now what do we do?"

"…Heh-heh-heh…" I can't keep from laughing diabolically.

"…Ryan-san?" Meiling backs away, sensing something's off.

"I changed my mind, girls. We're not playing catch…" I extended a palm which lit up in flames. "How about…danmaku-tag?"

It takes a moment or two for this to register. Then the girls are tearing down the isles with breakneck speed.

Oh-ho-ho, this is mean of me. But it's not a bit less fun!

I kick off the carpet, going after one of them.

"TALLYHO!"

* * *

Flandre slowly opens the door to the library. The scent is even stronger here, so much that she's drooling a little.

"Hm…where are they?" Flandre asks herself. Her question is answered seconds later.

_**FWOOSH!**_

"_Kyaaaaaaah!_" Koakuma shoots up above the bookcases, covering her flaming back. She stops in midair, glaring at something below. "Ooh…Mr. Randa…!"

"Mei, Koa's it!" Come's Ryan's voice.

They were playing a game, and they didn't invite her? How rude! Well, at least she wouldn't have to feel bad about the next step now.

With a smirk, Flandre took off after Koakuma.

* * *

"Ryan-san, that was out of character for you…" Meiling lectured, running alongside me.

"Oh, but we all have our dark moments." I respond. "And you can't tell me this isn't fun."

"Well…I suppose." Meiling shrugged. "So, what happens now?"

"Now?" I grin. Meiling turns to face me.

"…Ryan-san, don't you dare-"

"HEY KOA! Party over here!" I shout, hands cupped to my mouth. Immediately afterward, movement could be heard coming towards us.

"I thought we were on the same side!" Meiling growls, working to pick up the pace.

"All's fair in love, war, and children's games!" I say to her disposition. "And I leap~!"

"Ah? Get back here!" Oh, but your words are lost on me, silly Chinese youkai! Fare thee well!

"Aha!" Came the voice of the little devil. I could hear Koakuma rounding the corner, catching up to Meiling. The Chinese youkai shouted some obscenities about how I could abandon her, but I was too busy flying across the tops of bookcases to care.

Heh-heh…this sure seems like a safe distance. Now all I've got to do is stay hidden, and-

-oh, damn. I forgot to appoint a "home" spot. …Eh, maybe just the center area where Patchy's desk is. If anybody objects, they never asked. To the center of the library!

_**THOOOM!**_

Heh. Looks like Meiling's it now! Still, they've got no idea that I'm going to be-

_**Woosh…**_

-home…free?

What was that just now? Was that Meiling flying over the cases? But that impact sound was made just a second ago?

Jesus, don't tell me that Koa hit her that hard! I mean, Succubae aren't exactly aligned to super strength… "Hell hath no fury", I suppose.

Here we are! Just slap my hand on the desk and wait for them to come by.

"Ryan-san!" And here's Meiling now! Heh-heh! Too late, I'm afraid. "There you are! I need a word with you!"

"Sorry, Meiling!" I grin, slapping the side of the desk twice. "This here's the safe spot. I guess you'll just-"

"Oh, truly?" Meiling blinks blankly. Then, she grins and charges my way!

"Hey! Don't you know that the-"

_**Slap!**_

"Safe…spot…means…ah?"

"Hee! It looks like Koa-chan is the loser!" Meiling giggles, crouched next to me and clutching the edge of the desk.

What? But…that noise…?

"I thought… Didn't you get tagged?" I ask. Meiling grins and shakes her head.

"Nope! There's a reason I'm the guard and she's the librarian's assistant, you know! I'm far faster!" Meiling grins eagerly, looking around. "I just can't wait to see the look on her face!"

…So, Meiling didn't get tagged, but…I definitely heard a…

Ah! W-Wait a second!

"Hold on, Mei! Then what was that impact sound?" Meiling looks towards me, face scrunched in confusion.

"Y…You didn't cause that, Ryan-san?" I shake my head. We sit there in silence. "I definitely heard some sort of attack…"

Five minutes later, Koakuma still hasn't shown. There is not a sound to be heard besides our breathing.

…

"_SOMEONE ELSE IS IN THE MANSION!_" After that simultaneous cry, we shoot to our feet.

"Mei, you go look for the intruder!" I order, frantically scanning the area with my eyes. "I think Koakuma's hurt! I'll go to find her!"

"Why must I search for the intruder?" Mei babbles, eyes wide. "Come now, surely the man should-"

"Your youkai senses surpass mine, you can find them, whoever it is, better than I can!" I explain. Meiling gives a fierce nod after a split second. "We'll meet up again here! When we find something, anything out of the ordinary, we call for the other, okay?"

"Hai! Let's go!" Meiling flies away, and I tear down the halls, looking for our friend.

C'mon, Koa, where are you? Agh, this is driving me nuts! I'm bobbing and weaving between these shelves, meanwhile Meiling's got to look for the other person!

…Wait! The figure that flew over my head! That's got to be the attacker! I could catch them by surprise!

"Alright," I turn on my heel and take off after, presumably, our intruder. "here I come you prick!"

* * *

"Ha!" Meiling turns a corner sharply, fist raised in a defensive position. However, there was nobody there. "Ooh…whoever you are, come out! I'll surely make you pay for disrespecting the Scarlet household!"

_This is getting me nowhere… _Meiling inwardly groaned. _The intruder got close enough to enter the library, and I didn't sense a thing? What is wrong with me?_

The guard peered around a corner. Nothing there.

_To top it all off, Koa-chan is probably injured…and Ryan-san is alone. They could be in his area rather than mine! And if he gets hurt too…_

Meiling silently clenched a fist in front of her chest.

_I swear it, if this person should injure my fellow warrior after my friend, I'm going to-_

_**Kssh…kssh…**_

"Ah!" A movement from nearby alerted Meiling's senses, breaking her from vengeful thoughts. _This soft movement…and the weight…as if…someone was dragging themselves!_

That was all Meiling needed. She darted down the hall, rounding the corner to a row of shelves where a stepladder sat.

There, curled by the stepladder on the ground and perhaps barely conscious, was Koakuma.

"K-Koa-chan!" Meiling hurried to her friend's side, crouching down by her. Koakuma wasn't bleeding - a good sign. Still, she was clearly dazed, and fighting to stay awake. "Koa-chan, hold it together! Stay with me!"

"Ah…" The succubus weakly groaned, hazy eyes barely drifting towards Meiling. "M…Mei…"

"Yes, it's me!" Meiling lightly shook her. "Koa-chan, what has happened? Who has hurt you?"

"Can't think…must flee, it's…oh…" Koakuma's eyes drifted from Meiling's, perhaps staring off into space.

"Focus!" Meiling shook her a little more roughly. "Who has done this to you? Tell me!"

"Eyes…look…" Meiling was a bit frantic, but then she understood.

There, in the reflection of Koakuma's eyes lied an image of another shaded figure directly behind Meiling.

The guard immediately recognized the shape. There was enough time for one more thought to cross her mind.

Ryan needed to get out of here _now_.

"_RYAN-SAN-_"

_**THWACK!**_

* * *

That scream! NO!

"Mei!" Damnit, whoever this is has got to be one fast worker!

Now I understand! To be skilled enough to get by Meiling's senses…my seeing them was no accident! They must have flew by me deliberately in order to split us up, and I fell for it! Stupid, stupid Ryan!

No. Self-pity later, finding friend now! And to hell with all these bookcases!

_SHHHH!_

Thank you, super-jump! Now I've got a good vantage point!

…There! By the stepladder! It's the both of them!

"Hang in there, Meiling!" I take a long jump across two cases, and one more to get down. Landing with a heavy thud, I roll along the ground and hurry to the fallen girls. "Mei! Koakuma!"

No response. I shake them both, but there's not even a slight sound or grunt of recognition. Steadily breathing, good. Whoever this is wasn't aiming to kill them, at least we've got that. Turning the girls over, I can see the culprit. It looks like they both took a solid blow to the back of the head.

This isn't good, this isn't good! If they got taken out so easily…the level of skill required here, I don't have a chance! But if they weren't looking to kill them, why would they…

No, what am I thinking? Why would they be after me? I don't have any material value…

Material value…

Someone who could be used to get something out of Remilia, maybe? I mean, she's loaded. But if they're not after Koakuma or Meiling…and I'm just a guest…

Oh no. If the criminal pattern follows, then…

"Flandre." I breathe. Of course. If they could capture Reimila's sister, I bet they could use her a leverage for anything she's got! Maybe even the mansion itself! This _is_ the ritziest place I've seen in Gensokyo so far!

I don't stand a chance against whoever this is. They haven't killed yet, but if I intervened directly…

_**THROB!**_

And…

…and I…

…and what the HELL am I saying? Smacking two ladies in the back of a head, targeting a little girl for digs? There's no way in Hell I'm taking that lying down!

Come to think of it, I _do_ have a brand-new Spell Card, don't I?

Oh-ho-ho, buddy, you've just screwed with _the_ wrong guy! Time to go ruin this bitch or bastard's day!

"Stay here ladies. I gotta go and clean up." Resting the girls against the wall, I head off to the entrance.

Argh. The library door's open! They've already gone! Well, skippy, I'm afraid you've missed a spot. And this spot is gonna punch you right in the face.

_**Tmp-tmp-tmp…**_

Jeeze, even all the fairies? They're lying scattered around the halls! That's real odd. I can understand not killing any of us, but fairies regenerate, why not kill them? I think for an operation like this you'd have to kill as much as you could to get off! I mean, what about witnesses? Why wouldn't you care about that?

And screw your stairs, I have a super-jump!

The door to the basement is open! Isn't that where they were keeping Flandre?

Come to think of it, why keep her in the basement…? Eh, to keep her safe, maybe. And a fat lot of good that did here.

…What's that by the door?

An unconscious fairy? But how could they have gotten so close without the intruder noticing?

Wait. The door is opened _outwards_, but the maid fell face _forward_… How odd…

"Randa-kun!" There's Flandre, at the top of the steps! I guess she must have gone to look for us, and went down a different hallway? In any case, she comes down the steps…awful slowly at that. "What's wrong, Randa-kun?"

"Flandre!" I hurry to the little vampire. Sure, she worries me, but right now I'm worried _for_ her. "You're all right? You're not hurt?"

"Of course not!" She giggles, head tilting. "Why would I be?"

"Listen," I begin, setting a hand on her shoulder, "there's a bad person in the mansion, I think they might be after you. Have you seen any-"

"No there isn't."

…Eh?

"Flandre, someone attacked Meiling and Koakuma, yes there is!" I explain. "They didn't kill them though. I'm pretty sure they might be trying to kidnap you to get something from your sister."

"…" Flandre's head hangs a little. "…You're silly, Randa-kun. There's nobody else here."

Why does she seem so certain?

"Do you know where onee-sama, Sakuya and Patchy went?" She asks. I shake my head. "Remi went to get blood."

"W-What?" I'm taken aback, but… I shouldn't be surprised. In the end she's still a vampire.

Ah! But so is Flandre! So why is she still…?

"Your sister went to get blood," I begin, "and left you here?"

"That's right." What's with the sudden change in tone? And why is she staring at the ground? "She went to get blood and left me locked up in the basement."

Hm. So, Flandre was locked in the basement and…

She says there's nobody here. There's a fairy knocked out over there, and she's not concerned at all. The maid's knocked out like…

…like Meiling and Koakuma were.

"This isn't the first time onee-sama has done this."

Like all the maids were.

"She's really great, but can be selfish sometimes."

And Flandre said she never saw anyone else here.

…Oh no. No, no, no, _no_…

"Flandre…" I take my hand off her shoulder. "…how did you get out of the basement?"

"It's not really fair," She continues, ignoring me, "is it Randa-kun?"

"What were you doing upstairs?" I ask. I begin backing towards the door.

"Nee-sama was really thirsty. She always is around this time." Flandre doesn't move. "I get thirsty too, though."

"Everyone besides us is hurt." I continue backing away. "Why aren't you worried?"

"Nee-sama doesn't trust me." Flandre began to smile, her blonde bangs hanging in front of her eyes. "Every time I tried to drink from humans before, I screwed it up. I broke them."

"And by 'before', you mean…?" I grab the handle and try to open the door.

It's locked.

"LOOK!" Flandre thrusts an object in front of my face, her voice growing desperate. It's a clown doll with two punctures in it's neck. She is standing right in front of me, but her face is still blocked. "I-I've gotten really good at it, see?"

…

"Flandre." I slowly begin to make my way towards the stairs. "What are you getting at?"

"…_You know, don't you?_"Flandre's face finally raises. A crazy little grin stretches ear to ear beneath two glowing red eyes. "_That's why you're asking! Hee-hee-hee…_"

Flandre's giggles increase in tone, breaking into insane laughter.

"_HEE-HEE…HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAA!_" Her face is aimed towards the ceiling as she drowns in hysterics. I'm almost at the stairs.

"Flandre. I'm a guest. Your sister won't like this." My reasoning is lost. Flandre faces me again, wagging a finger at me as if I was a naughty child.

"_Silly Randa-kun. We've had lots and lots of guests. Sister drank from lots of them, too._" She begins rising into the air. "_She's never been angry about it, so I'm sure…_"

I crouch slightly. Flandre pulls black metal wand from nowhere.

"…_this kind of thing is okay too._"

For the first time in days, CS speaks into my mind.

**RUN.**

"YUKAR-"

_**CRASH!**_

My cry is cut off as Flandre crashes into the ground where I stood moments ago. She is immediately back up, mouth in an open smile with fangs clear to see. The clown doll in her hand is torn to shreds. There's not a scratch on _her_. Knowing her speed, I take a flying leap up the stairs, breaking to a sprint as soon as I land.

That's it. That's what it was.

I knew it all along. Ever since that night, Flandre never saw me as a person.

When she took me to the library, she was feeling me out, testing my strength to be sure.

That's why she didn't kill the girls or the maids - she feels close to them. But she needed them unconscious, she knew they would help me to avoid Remilia's displeasure.

I don't need to look to know she's right on my tail. And even then, she could speed up if she wanted. She doesn't want to run the risk of missing again. She's insanely thirsty, and wants the next lunge to be the last one. There's no time to call for Yukari, I have to keep moving.

I grab one of the unconscious maids propped up against the wall, nearly tripping. In the next moment, I've chucked her over my shoulder.

"_Kyah!_"

Flandre will rip through that in maybe a second. Two, if I'm lucky. I have to kick it into high gear, now!

_**Shhhhh-shhhhh-shhhhh!**_

I change from long strides to flying leaps, crossing hallways in two bounds. Almost as soon as I upped my stride, a feminine shriek had been sounded, followed by a "poof" noise.

Despite my change from anger to fear, the adrenaline rush I'd gotten from seeing the others knocked out hasn't gone away. I have little doubt that this temporary high is all that's keeping me from fatigue. I have to find a way out, before it fades!

…

The window! The window in the library!

If I can smash through that, I know I can survive the fall. And if there's any sunlight left, Flandre won't be able to follow.

Even then, If I can get outside, I can call Yukari. Either way, I'd be safe at last.

I just have to get outside!

_**BLAM!**_

Gah!

"_Randa-kuuuuun! WHERE ARE YOU?_"

Is she checking the rooms? Good! That buys me some time!

"_DIDN'T YOU SEE THE DOLL? I've gotten better…I've tried really hard… WHY DON'T YOU TRUST ME? WHY ARE YOU RUNNING?_"

Simple. I can't trust you, not as far gone as you are now. There's now way you'd have the focus to make a clean incision, let alone how much you'd take from me.

"_You…I'm so thirsty! You're horrible!_"

Those words hurt a bit. I can't stand hearing a child in pain, but I'm not about to die because of it.

"_FINE!_" I can hear her shout in between sniffles. "_I'll…I'll just break you and eat you up off the walls!_"

The hell is she-

"_KYUUUU!_"

_**KA-THOOOOOOOOM!**_

AGHAAAAA!

This…this energy…the entire mansion shook…

I can sense it…somehow, I know…a large part of the mansion just…disappeared.

That wasn't a normal explosion…there was some kind of magic involved.

"_No…not here…agh!_" Flandre's anger is followed by the sound of something striking the walls.

-!

That was so close to here! How much of the place did she demolish to gain so much ground on me?

"_This scent…_" Oh shoot. "_close by…_"

There's the library! _Go!_

_**CRRRRACK!**_

The wood of the door's frame splits loudly as I barrel through it. There's no way Flandre doesn't know I'm in here now. I'm so close…!

_**Shhhhh!**_

That's a good vantage point…

THE WINDOW! I'm almost there!

"_THERE!_"

_**Shweeeeee…!**_

…What's that whistling sound?

_**SHLICK!**_

"GAAAAAAAGH!"

Her wand has struck me in the chest. The metal digs into my right pectoral. I can see Flandre floating over me, a triumphant look on her face. She has thrown her wand at me like a spear, and damn if it didn't work.

_**CRASH!**_

The force of the blow sends me into the floor, and onwards through it. As I pass through, I can see the window I'd almost reached disappearing from sight. And thus, I continue falling.

Seeing my way to freedom escape…I have no way of knowing what will happen next.

Being hurled into uncertainty…

It reminds me of several days ago, when Yukari first pulled me through the border into Gensokyo.

_**CRASH!**_

The force of Flandre's attack is unhindered by the floor below, and I fall down…

…down into the darkness of the Scarlet Devil Mansion's basement.

**

* * *

**

**The SDM Arc comes to an end...**

**Next Chapter: "Maddened Thirst - Ryan vs. Flandre"**

**Godspeed, readers…**


	15. Chapter 15

**Alone in a mansion, those who could help you all incapacitated.**

**Being hunted by one of the most powerful of monsters.**

**An ordinary man in extraordinary circumstances.**

**The devil's sister is laughing.**

**Let's go, readers! To the finale of the first arc!**

* * *

Chapter Fifteen: Maddened Thirst - Ryan vs. Flandre

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

_**CRASH!**_

…

Ah…ow…

Where…am…I?

"_Randa-kun_!" Oh, dammit. She's caught up to me… "_Hee-hee-hee! I've finally - finally - FINALLY tracked you do-own~! Hee-hee-ha-ha-haaaa!_"

The crazed vampire hovers several meters above, her grinning form blocking out the light from the hole I made, casting her shadow on me. This…isn't good.

Wait. Where is this?

-! That door at the top of the stairs!

Is this the basement? There's a bed over there, though!

And broken dolls everywhere, and…dried blood spatters in several places…crayon drawings on the walls…

…Don't tell me…

"Flandre…" I groan, lifting my battered body from the ground. "This is the basement…have you been living here?"

"Yep!" She darts down to the thin carpet, a loud _**slam**_ echoing as the blur makes contact. She isn't speaking so frantically right now. Maybe if I can keep her talking… "Sister gave me this room all to myself, because I'm a big girl!"

Remilia? She…

…Come to think of it, Remilia's presence is a worrisome one. But Flandre…hers goes past "worry" and heads straight to "terrifying". Even Marisa was nervous at that dinner when she came along.

Is Remilia afraid of this difference in power? Could that be why she imprisoned her own sibling?

"And you've lived for nearly five hundred years, right?" I ask, trying to rub away the blood flowing from the open cut over my eye. "The whole time you've been down here? Away from everybody else?"

"Yep! Aaaaaaaaaall to myself!" She giggles, hugging herself and twisting from side to side. "Remi is so nice to me. She's the best onee-sama I could ask for!"

Is that what _she's_ told you? One last question…one that will turn her attention back to me, but I have to ask…

"When's the last time you've fed?" I ask. As predicted, Flandre snaps back to attention, eyes glued to the spots of red on my skin. "When did Remilia let you drink blood last?"

Flandre just smiles, eyes glowing once more. Damn, Crazy-Flan's back. Never looking away from me, she hovers over to a decrepit wall, laying a hand on it. There are tally marks all over it.

"_This is how many years_." She speaks calmly. "_It's been two hundred_."

Two hundred years. There's no way Remilia hasn't been indulging herself all this time, she would've jumped me like Flandre has otherwise. Giving to herself, and keeping her sister, suffering from maddened delusions, locked in the lowest part of the mansion. Out of sight, out of mind.

At least, until the Scarlet Mist incident, right? Flandre broke free, and Remilia for the first time in over a century, remembered she had a little sister. And so she began to let her out, but…

She's gone to sate her cravings. And has knowingly locked Flandre down here while she does so.

"_Hee-hee…but noooow…_" Flandre turns away and takes out her weapon, that wand. She slashes through all the tally marks. "_That's alllll gone. Thanks to you, Randa-kun, I don't need to look at that anymore._"

…

"Maybe…maybe not." I reply. Her gaze returns to me. "Flandre. How would you feel about a game?"

"A game?" She whines, reverting to her childlike state for the briefest of moments. "_But I'm thirsty now_."

"Just hear me out." I hold out a hand in interjection. "You've made it quite clear you don't intend for me to leave. And the only reason you have to do this in the first place is because of your sister's negligence."

"_What?_" She hisses, fangs bared. "_If you're talking bad about onee-sama-!_"

"We're going to play danmaku," I continue, intentionally cutting her off, "three Spell Cards each. First to land a blow after breaking their opponent's cards is the winner."

"…_Okay. If I win~,_" She begins, fingers twitching erratically with a crooked grin, "_I get to drink from you. All I want, Randa-kun._"

This would kill me, I'm sure. And now I'm obligated to oblige. Still, I can't get away. I'm too tired to be able to outmaneuver her, especially in the dark. And I can't beat Flandre in an _actual_ fight, she completely outclasses me. Breaking Spell Cards, however, is something I can do - especially when I'm thinking clearly and she's in a frenzy.

"That's fine." I reply. "And if I win…"

She leans forward in the air.

Hm. I was going to say "you have to ask your sister why she didn't help you", but if I put Flandre in that mindset, I could drive a rift between them. Remilia's a bitch for not looking after family, yes, but for Flandre's sake, I won't do that.

"…then I win. Plain and simple."

Flandre's basically been starved as much as a vampire can be. Regular food for them is little more than a luxury, but blood is a necessity. She's been deprived of the most basic need for her kind, of course she'd be hysterical. I don't begrudge her for tricking me, not anymore - she's just at the end of her rope.

I raise my buster and draw my claymore, crossing both in front of me in an "X" fashion. Flandre raises a hand in front of her, in which a black spell card appears. She stares straight into my eyes with a feverish mix of hunger and eagerness.

"_Let's play._"

* * *

"Patchouli-san, how could you have _forgotten_?" Sakuya snaps. "The presence of human blood on this day…Flandre's surely wreaking havoc in the mansion by now if Ryan-san has shown up!"

"Well, I'm sorry…" Patchouli begins, flying close to her vampiric acquaintance. "However, if _someone_ hadn't demanded I came along, it wouldn't be an issue!"

"But _Koakuma_?" Sakuya says with a groan. "She couldn't handle the ice fairy, much less Flandre!"

All the while Remilia has a slight smirk on her face. Patchouli notices.

"Remi…" She begins, eyes narrowed, "might this have anything to do with your insistence that I had asked Ryan back to experiment with his abilities?"

Remilia says nothing, but her smirk only grows slightly. They continue to fly, the vampire leading…at a leisurely pace.

The full moon hangs high in the sky all the while.

* * *

"_Taboo "Forbidden Games" !"_

"_Plasma Sign "Energy Volley" !_"

My arm falls back forward, a cylinder of white energy coating my arm and launching a barrage of charge shots. Flandre dodges to the side as the stream of orbs pass by, but then they begin to bounce away on their own, each taking a different direction.

_**Ping-ping-ping!**_

They bound wildly, hitting most every corner of the room. However, much to my chagrin, the space Flandre dodged to was something of a safe spot. All she has to do is drift slightly to the left or right to dodge them as they whiz by.

"_Kya-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaaaa!_" Flandre swipes her arm in a wide arc, creating a line of crimson energy.

…Are those…crosses? HOSHIT!

_**FZZZZZZ!**_

Christ, that was way too close! Thankfully, my ability to hit the dirt is quicker than a holy object's flight pattern. How can she chuck _those_, of all things, anyway? Some sick sense of irony?

_**Chk!**_

AGH! One of 'em chipped my shoulder! Does this Spell Card not have a timer?

Well, I can't very well fight while crouching beneath a wave of crosses. Right-o! Tuck n' roll, and leap to the wall!

"_Hee-hee! I'm going to get you~._" The vampire sings. With a flick of her wrist, the wave begins to reangle itself…towards my position!

This…isn't good! If one of those charge shots would just connect…! Argh!

"Utsuho, help me out, here!" I mutter to myself, motioning towards the wall behind Flandre, where my shots continue to rebound. If I can just catch one…! "C'mon, Sparky, this way!"

"_Hee-hee-heeeeeeeeeee!" _No, no, no! The wave's almost here! HURRY UP! "_Now, I've got-_"

_**ZORCH!**_

"_Kyaaaaaaah!_" YES! Flandre shrieks as the orb slams into her back. Right on cue, all the others freeze in place, and fly with tremendous speed to their target. "_No, no!_"

_**KROOOOOOOOOM!**_

Flandre screams in presumably pain and anger as she's engulfed by a pillar of blue energy. The entire room is coated in blue light, illuminating even the farthest corners of the basement as long as it lasts. However, in a moment the center of the pillar explodes outwards, revealing a panting, indignant Flandre floating in the room's center, wings flapping every so often.

"_You…cheated…_" She hissed. "_You can't change the direction of your shots!_"

"I could say the same thing about your wave of crosses! That thing was positively massive, how is moving _it_ fair?" I reply.

Uh? Flandre's covering her mouth…is she screwing with me?

"…_Ha-ha-ha! I'm only teasing._" Flandre's head hangs, her dirtied blond bangs covering her eyes, leaving only her chuckling mouth in clear view. She isn't affected by the previous blast in the slightest. "_This is fun so far. I like playing with you._"

"Um…" What's she playing at? "Thank you?"

"_You like playing with me too, don't you?_" Her tone becomes louder, more frantic. Her head shoots back up, revealing widened eyes. "_YOU'RE HAVING FUN, RIGHT?_"

"Gah!" Jeez, just take it easy! "Er, yeah! Sure! Best fun ever!"

"_But I'm not being nice, all the way over here._" She gives a fake pout. "_You must be so lonely down there. It's okay - I'll be a better playmate, Randa-kun. The rest of me will, too._"

… "The rest of me" ?

This can't end well.

"_Taboo "Four of a Kind" !_" Flandre waves goodbye as she is engulfed in a red mist…no, she _became_ the mist! It's splitting apart? What's she up to?

The points of mist are growing…taking shape…

Oh, _bugger all_. "Four of a Kind", I should've figured.

"_Is this better, Randa-kun?_" Says one of the now-four Flandres. "_There's lot's of me now. You won't be all alone while we play!_"

"Ah…" I can't form a sentence. I can feel that every one of these Flandres is as strong as the original. I'd call "bullshit", but I don't think that would apply here. At the very least, they can't use a Spell Card each, this _is_ one. That eases the burden some, doesn't it?

…Doesn't it?

"_Here I cooooooome~!_" All four Flandres sing, coming at me in different directions.

Gulp.

_**CLANG!**_

One of the Flandres changes her arc, coming at me quicker than the others, nails outstretched. I draw my claymore just in time to avoid getting impaled by the girl.

"_Catch!_" Two of the Flandres take position above me, palms angled my way. …They're about to shoot at me aren't they?

Yep! Lots of globe bullets! And I can NOT dodge while I'm keeping Flanny the First from my torso!

"Get off!" I force my sword forward, breaking Flandre's assault just long enough to kick her away. Oh hey, and it seems she's in the line of fire!

"_AAAAAAGH!_" The crimson globes explode against the Flandre's back, causing her body to curve backwards, head skyward as she shrieks. …And now, all of the color is draining from her body? I don't think I want to stick around for this!

_**CRASH!**_

Once she's gone completely white, the clone explodes into glass-like shards. Whoo, those suckers looked like they could have-

_**Grip!**_

-OH SHIT! I forgot about the fourth clone!

"_Hee-hee…got-chaaaaa~…_" The clone seems quite content, having trapped me in a Full Nelson. Dammit, my life's riding on this, how could I be so carele-

"_Ahhhh…_" …Why is my arm suddenly wet?

-!

GIH! She-she just _licked_ the blood off my arm!

"_Mmm…_" The clone hums contently, her lips smeared with blood having left the cut on my arm free of it, as if her tongue had been a sponge. "_You're really tasty, Randa-kun!_"

You…!

"I…"

_**Twist!**_

"…am not…"

_**Grab'd!**_

"_Eh?_"

"…A POPSICLE!"

With the most unheroic declaration to ever be uttered, I heave the girl over my shoulder and chuck her at her compatriots. Sadly, they dodge. Oh, but you're not getting off the hook that easily, mark my words!

"Hyah!" I charge forth, claymore in hand, charging up energy as I near the airborne Flandre who hath so violated me! Blade's green, time to die! "Take this!"

_**CLANG!**_

…Ah…sh-she stopped it.

The clone grins deviously, my sword clamped between her hands tight above her head. I can't even pull it free! But I can't let go, that would be giving her a weapon! That wand of hers does enough already!

"_Hm…_" She stares at the cut over my eye. "_That must make it hard for you to see. That's no fair._"

She's leaning closer?

"_Can I clean that for you~?_"

"Get away, dammit!" I roar, ripping my weapon free of her grasp. Jesus, that was creepy! Even moreso from a ten-year-old-looking girl! Man, "Crazy" Flan and "Normal" Flan really are totally different! One's a cute kid, while the other is…ugh! *shudder*

Being in a Spell Card battle limits her strength, but not by enough! It's like the only thing that destroy her clones is a shot from her! That's hardly fair! Well, I asked for it I suppose. Not to mention the rush of battle is helping me to ignore my wounds. I know what card to use next, the key is getting it to work!

"_Hey!_" One Flandre hissed, ceasing her aerial assault. "_No taste tests, cheater!_"

…What the?

"_What?_" The other one in the air asked. "_She got a taste?_"

Are the arguing? Seriously?

"_I thought of it,_" The clone who attacked me directly responded, folding her arms and sticking out her tongue, "_so there._"

…Well, I'll be damned. An insane child is still a child after all. Here's the best chance I'll get, by my reckoning.

_**Shlick!**_

"_Eh?_" The two clones in the air stopped their bickering, suddenly sniffing about. Their eyes finally rested on me, holding my sword now dripping with blood from creating a cut on my palm. They go wide-eyed and begin to drool.

"Oh, woe is me." I begin, hamming it up as I hold up my palm dramatically. "A bloodied cut upon my palm…and naught a cloth to clean it with? Oh, what to do~?"

"_Ah!_" One Flandre's face lit up. She outright stopped her attack, flying towards me. "_I can get that, Randa-kun!_"

"_No, me, me!_" The other cried angrily, flying after her counterpart. "_They can't hog it all! I want some tooooo!_"

Gotcha.

"_Colorful Fortress "Rainbow Barricade" !_"

"KYAAAAAH!" The two clones break from they're madness just in time to see they've been tricked, but not fast enough to avoid crashing into my rainbow-colored barrier.

So, splitting into four _did_ have a disadvantage! Power wasn't divvied up, intellect was!

I…can't believe how well this has been working out! Flandre's immensely powerful, that I can't deny - matching Okuu, probably. But she's been locked up in a cellar practically her whole life, sheltered from concepts of deception or unusual danmaku tricks, ergo outwitting her clones and redirecting one of my charge shots.

The diamond barrier flashes a bright green, then discharges energy into the two clones. Luckily for me, the residual energy remains for a few moments, long enough to block the two clones being drained of color and exloding into very sharp looking shards.

All that's left is the fourth clone. And my-oh-my, she does NOT look amused. The shards of the other three convert into swirling scarlet mist, and are drawn into Flandre's body, recombining them.

"_Randa-kun,_" She speaks calmly, "_you're not playing fair._"

"Are you sure?" I ask, attempting to derail her accusations. "I mean, you didn't invent the system, but neither did I, so-"

"_Shut up._" Comes an icy tone.

…Eh? Well, I didn't mean to offend, just to keep things rolling. Then again, I was being cocky, so…

"…I'm sorry, you're right. that was out of li-"

"_SHUT UP._" She's staring at the ground, fists clenched so tightly they're shaking.

"Flan?"

"_**SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UUUUUUP!**_" Jesus! Flandre's flipping out! "_**KYUUUUUUUU!**_"

_**BOOM-BOOM-BOOM!**_

Th-Those are like the explosion from when she was chasing me! They're just coming out of nowhere!

Yukari did say other people had special powers…is this Flandre's?

To _obliterate things on a whim_?

"_Taboo "Lävatein" !_"

_**SSSSVORCH!**_

WHAT THE FUCK?

"_NO-NO-NO!_" Flandre shrieks, swinging her wand, which has been transformed into a gigantic flaming sword. I duck the swing, leaving the weapon to carve a black, ash-laden line through the wall behind me. "_This isn't right! I won't lose!_"

"J-Jeez, Flandre!" I gasp, getting to my feet. In the darkness of the room, the sword is the only thing giving any definite light, a beacon of destruction. I can't see Flandre anymore, but I know she can see me. "Just…Just take it easy for a sec-"

_**FWOOOOM!**_

"-YAAAGH!" Oh dear god, that nearly went through my neck! The edge came so close my collar is burnt!

"_NO!_" Flandre repeats. Her voice has changed, into a mix of a sobbing child and a furious murderer. "_I lost to Marisa-nee…I didn't get to drink then!_"

_**FWOOOOM!**_

The sword incinerated what was left of her toys! She doesn't even care!

"_During the mist incident…I lost to a human! I lost, and Remi got mad at meeeeee!_"

_**FWOOOOM!**_

I take a flying leap to the side as the massive sword tears through Flandre's bed at a vertical angle.

"_I-I-I can't lose again! I'll go hungry again! I'll go hungry and Remi will be so mad!_"

Hah…hah…! I'm getting so tired…

-!

SHIT! TOO FAS-

_**FWOO-SHVING!**_

"GYAAAAH!"

_**CRASH!**_

"_I already hurt China and Koa…_" Flandre continues. "_I'm already going to be punished. I have to get SOMETHING out of this!_"

My-My claymore managed to save me…but the impact sent me into the wall.

I think my spine must have been a bit cracked in all of that. I can't explain this feeling in my back otherwise. My shoulders are still sore from Flandre's Full Nelson. The pressure on my arms repeatedly has them borderline breaking, I just know it. And these wounds…I've lost enough blood to the point where I'm starting to feel a little faint.

This is it. If I hesitate anymore, I won't get the chance. Flandre will defeat me, then she'll feed on and undoubtedly kill me.

I can't call Yukari. I don't have the strength to yell that loud, and if she knew I was in danger, I'm sure she would have gotten me out of here already. Sure, there was that time in the Underground, but I'm in legitimate peril now.

I don't like this, I really don't. While my mind recognizes that this is a centuries-old master of destruction, my eyes still see a starving, desperate child. Still, I have no choice.

My only other regret is that I can't enjoy doing this like I had wanted to.

"Well, Flandre, it's good that you brought out a Spell Card that has left me on the brink of defeat." I begin, raising a hand to the air. "Unfortunately, I have a problem with that. I'm afraid your Lävatein has to go."

"_It doesn't matter,_" Flandre begins in denial, "_what your third Spell Card is. I'm not going to lose, Randa-kun._"

A white, shimmering card appears between my fingers.

"Sorry, Flandre," I allow myself a small smile, "but it looks like the naughty child goes to bed without supper."

A path of light begins to trace itself behind me. The pattern becomes a circle, then adds a thick "X" within. The room begins to fill with light as the symbol shines brighter. I lower my fingers with the card between, pointing it at Flandre. She raises her flaming sword for the final strike.

"_GALAXY SIGN "SUNLIGHT'S STARSTORM" !_"

All hell breaks loose.

From the symbol hanging behind me launches a plethora of virtually every form of danmaku I know to exist. Light blue and shining gold, it comes without pause or breaks. Lasers, thin and piercing. Globes, half my size and rocketing at breakneck speed. Filling the gaps between are the standard danmaku shots, round and swift, but that's not all - alongside them are slicing shockwaves, akin to the one I fired off in the Underground, flying at just about every angle you could think of. It's like a Master Spark, enlarged and composed of every type of danmaku I know.

My prior attacks were either easy to read or defensive. This, on the other hand, is a force of bloody _nature_.

Flandre was unprepared. Heh, guess she wasn't expecting a human to be able to do this. Then again, though the base is like the Master Spark, it differs in the sense that projectiles are branching off at random. Even I have no clue when it happens, it simply does.

Oh, but Flandre doesn't give up. Prepared or not, she goes into a frenzy, the Lävatein flailing like a quick-moving beam of flame, taking out many of my shots and protecting Flandre from damage. Normally, this might cause me worry. After all, this is my last chance at victory, at survival. But…something's different.

Being the source of this wave of power…it's calming, somehow. I feel as though I am in complete control of the situation - that there's not a thing Flandre can do to turn this around. I wonder…is this how Yukari feels when speaking to me? Is this how Utsuho feels when she manages the reactor?

…Heh. I've got such a big head right now, it's not even funny. No, scratch that - it's hilarious. After all…

_**CRSSSSSSSH!**_

I AM responsible for this. But if it weren't for the others, I never would have realized it.

"_L-Lävatein…!_"

Yukari helped me to realize my power. Meiling helped me to hone it. Utsuho helped me to realize my potential.

"This fight is over, Flandre!"

Reimu and Marisa helped me to adapt. Suika and Orin are total bros…er, as much bro as females can be.

I know it's corny. I know none of you can hear me. Still…Th-Thank you. All of you.

Especially Yukari and Okuu. The one who brought me into a new life of adventure, and the one whose friendship has made this card a reality.

With the Lävatein shattered, Flandre could do naught but attempt to graze the shots. After some moments, it appeared my onslaught was useless.

That is, until a stray laser shot her in the foot, halting her movement.

In the next moment, the sister of the Scarlet Devil was engulfed in a wave of shining danmaku.

_**BRMMMMMMMMM!**_

The explosion that results with Flandre in the middle…

It looks just like our artificial galaxy - that is, mine and Utsuho's.

The room in filled fully with a cloud of dust. It's over.

…

…Wait, then where's the glass-breaking sound?

-!

"_**three Spell Cards each. First to land a blow **__**after breaking their opponent's cards**__** is the winner."**_

Oh, _fuck me_!

"_I win._" Comes the voice from right behind me.

Shit.

_**GRAB'D**_

Hey, what the-

_**TOSS'D**_

WHOA-WHOA-WHOA-WHOA-

"_WAAAAAAH!_"

_**WHUMP!**_

What the?

Something tossed me into the air…

…and I landed on Flandre.

Um.

Go me?

_**KREEEEEEEEEESH!**_

…It's over. For real this time.

With the smoke cleared, I can barely see Flandre. Her body is hit by the moonlight, pretty much the only thing clear to see in the room. Still, I can make out some of the objects destroyed in her wrathful attack. Her bed's been split clear down the middle, her toys are reduced to cinders, and the wall that held the record of her years without blood is marred by scorches.

"Oh…" Flandre's voice comes out as a sad moan. She is lying on her back, staring into the air.

As for me, I can hardly stand. My body is completely wrecked. Muscles sore and stiff, bones feeling weak, my vision's blurry… Not to mention the blood loss. That cut on my hand was, in retrospect, not the brightest move. Still, not severe either.

There's only one question that remains: who saved me?

Who tossed me into the air to avoid Flandre's final attack after "Sunlight's Starstorm" ?

…

I see. Of course, it would have been her.

This cut on my hand is still bleeding. I think the heat from Flan's last card help seal up the others. Still, dried blood will be a pain to wash off.

I wonder… Well, now I know for certain my life was never in ay real danger, so…

"Oi. Flandre." The girl rolls over, looking in my direction as I force myself to my feet. "Flan. Can you sit up a second?"

"Wha…you're still here, Randa-kun?" Flandre murmers, slowly sitting upright. "You won…why don't you go?"

"Well, I can't exactly get that far in this state…" I think out loud. "Besides, I can't leave in good conscience yet."

I crouch and hold out my bleeding palm to Flandre's face.

"What?" She stares at my palm in disbelief.

"You were right." I begin with a weak smirk. "For all intents and purposes, I didn't fight fairly, even if I did win in the end."

"No…" The girl looked down with shame written on her face. "I was just being rude. You did win."

"Flan, don't argue." I sigh. She really doesn't get it, does she? "I'm trying to be a gentleman. Don't make my job any harder than it needs to be, okay?"

Flandre looks up at me, still indecisive. Finally, she takes my hands in both her small ones and brings it closer to her.

"Randa-kun…" She says slowly. "You're…a people human…aren't you?"

"If you want, kid."

Nothing else needs to be said. She brings the cut to her lips and begins to suck on it lightly, fangs grazing it a little.

"Khh…" This feels so odd…I feel my blood being drawn to the open cut through most of my arm and my upper body. My heartbeat is slowing some…but not stopping outright. It's more like a gentle pull than a rough tug…more similar to a blood donation than anything. And besides, that's essentially what this is.

"Mmph…ah…" Flandre finally pulls away, her red-stained lips curling into a satisfied smile. "Thank you, Randa-kun."

I manage a smile. I try to get back to a standing position…

…and promptly fall on my back.

"Ehhh?" Flandre sounds shocked. "H-Hey! Are you okay?"

Everything goes dark.

* * *

"Randa-kun? I didn't break you did I?" Flandre asks Ryan's unmoving form. "Oh no…he was nice to me…and China's gonna be so mad…"

"And why would she be?" Flandre stops all movement as a sudden voice sounds in the room. "Or did you think the boy was dead?"

A violet rip appears in the wall, opened by two red ribbons. Yukari Yakumo steps out, an oddly happy smile on her face. Flandre attempts to scramble to her feet when Yukari holds out a hand. Afterwards, the younger Scarlet was unable to move.

"Now now, dear, no need to panic." The blond youkai smiled. "I'm Yukari Yakumo. You may have heard, I am something of this boy's guardian. I know how good you are at noticing details. That's how you managed this little scheme."

Flandre said nothing, but looked to the floor in shame.

"To be fair, it wasn't entirely of your own accord. No need to look so down." Yukari strolled over to Ryan's prone body, nudging it slightly. "Oh dear, he is out cold, isn't he? No matter, I'll just take him with me. I was planning on it anyway."

"You're…not mad at me?" Flandre finally whimpers out. "But…you're taking care of him, aren't you? Aren't you like Randa-kun's mommy then?"

Yukari attempted to hide her mirth behind her hand, but Flandre's comment hit home so hard she could restrain herself.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha…!" Yukari wiped a tear of laughter from her eye. "Oh-ho-ho…you know dear, with how much I've had to drag him around, I'm starting to think I might as well be!"

Yukari hefts Ryan over her shoulder and makes her way over to Flandre. She pats the smaller girl's head twice.

"But no, I'm not mad at you." Yukari continued. "He decided to let you drink of his blood, you didn't force it. Although, could you do me one favor?"

Flandre slowly nodded.

"Tell your big sister that the overseer said 'nice try'. Could you do that?" Yukari asked with a commanding edge. Flandre nodded. "Good girl. Well, we must be going."

"W-Wait!" Flandre called. Yukari paused, not turning back to her. "Is Randa-kun…is he ever gonna come back?"

"…He seems quite close to your guard," Yukari finally responded, "so I'd imagine so. Take care, Miss Scarlet."

With that, Yukari went through the gap and disappeared. Flandre was left alone.

"Flan?" Came a sudden voice from the top of the stairs. "Flandre dear?"

"Flandre-sama, are you well?"

"What the - who knocked out my assistant?" Came a third voice, followed by a distinct "mukyuu!" .

Flandre got to her feet and headed for the steps. After all, she had a message to deliver.

* * *

"Well, now," Yukari sighed, strolling through the border with Ryan over her shoulder, "I knew Remilia would drive you off one way or another, but I never imagined she'd go to these extremes!"

Ryan said nothing, due to being knocked out and all.

"Well, that was actually my fault. I'm surprised you didn't notice, though." Yukari continued. "I mean, you seemed to take notice when she was unnerved by the fact that you are something of my ward, now. And yet when she was speaking with Patchouli before the mage had even asked you to return, that didn't send off any messages in your head?"

Ryan remained silent.

"It was to get to me, sad to say. You see…me and Remilia don't quite see eye-to-eye. Her and her vampire's pride. She can't stand the idea of having to play by someone else's rules. After she had drank from so many humans from the village on the nights bearing full moons, I eventually had to step in. Reimu was getting sick of the complaints, and so many humans incapacitated began to get on Marisa's nerves. We would have had another incident on our hands had it continued. I had to cut Remilia off."

Yukari patted the man's back, as if in a comforting gesture.

"So you see, that was the idea. Remilia had Patchouli bring you back, playing on her mage's curiosity for agreement, in order to lure you back - just enough so that, on the night of the full moon, you'd be left alone with Flandre. She likely had no doubt of her sister's ability to kill you. It was all a plan in order to send a message of irony to me for setting rules for her. Impudent brat…"

Yukari paused to take a sigh. Ryan was, as always, unconscious.

"Still, Ryan, your results were better than I would have hoped. I'm sure you realized that, didn't you? That I was the one to help you land the final blow some minutes ago? That's why you were willing to help Flandre, wasn't it? You knew I was there. Normally one might be offended, think that you expected them to break their busy schedule just to bail you out of trouble. I on the other hand, don't see it that way."

Yukari smiled, ruffling Ryan's hair with her free hand.

"What you showed me was that, despite not agreeing with certain methods of mine, you trust me - with your life, if need be. Above all, that is flattering. Also practical. I'm sure you've realized by now, haven't you? I have been lying to you about why I've brought you here. You're smart enough to get that, right? I mean, you were smart enough to compensate for and overtake the gap between your strength and Flandre's. By the way, just so you know, that _was_ a legitimate victory. That girl just doesn't get out much. Hardly your fault, or your problem."

The youkai paused to stroke her chin some.

"As a matter of fact, you've been a little devious and cunning all day haven't you? My goodness, I am such a good influence! Fu-fu-fu-fu-fu…"

Yukari waved a hand at the air, creating another gap, which she stepped through.

"Oh, but don't hold it against the inhabitants of the mansion, dear - save for Remilia, of course. I wouldn't be surprised if, right now, Flandre's telling her about how you kindly gave her your blood, and that pompous girl is being overridden by guilt. Of course, she'll hide it behind an angry farce. In any case, I'm certain none of the others had anything to do with it. Sure, Sakuya might have obeyed, but Patchouli would never had agreed to something so underhanded. And Flandre, well, you figured that out on your own. Feel free to go back any time, I won't object - and I know that guard is always happy to see you around."

Yukari stepped into the room beyond the gap. It was the guest room of her own home. She let Ryan down onto the futon within, laying the sheet on top of him.

"Speaking of people who would be happy to see you, what about the Hell Raven? You did promise to meet with her tomorrow, didn't you? You two did hit it off so well… Still, you aren't leaving this bed for some time, young man. It will take two days minimum for your wounds to heal."

Ryan fidgeted in his sleep, as if he had somehow heard Yukari's words.

"Ah, not to worry. I can handle this matter. I'll send Utsuho a note through Satori. Also, that promise you made? The one about using your little friendship token Spell Card? I'll make a note of that as well. Knowing that bird as I do, she'll be thrilled to know you made good on it."

Ryan immediately calmed, his breathing steady.

"Also, since I have made it so you will remember my word following your next awakening, let me address the question you'll undoubtedly have: why do I care? Why am I going out of my way to accommodate you so much when I have my own business? Ho-ho-ho…sorry, dear, but I cannot tell you just yet. Just know that I need you not only alive, but in good health and to trust me. When you're stronger, strong enough to meet my expectations, I'll tell you - and trust me on this as well, you won't be too surprised when all of the pieces have come together."

Yukari made for the door.

"…Although, you like being a little detective, don't you? Yes, you and your video games, and your overanalyzing every detail. I bet you'll be paying attention to everything I say from here on out, looking for any slight hint as to why you're really here. I don't need to ask, I know you will. You might be clever, boy, but don't think you'll get it out of me so easily as you outsmarted a four-hundred-and-ninety-five year old shut in. …Still, maybe you can? We'll make a game of it, shall we?"

Yukari stepped through the door, taking one last fond look over her shoulder.

"Well then, pleasant dreams. You'll be back in danmaku battles and running errands when you reawaken. Count on that."

And with that, Yukari was gone.

…Ha.

I get out of one mess, and you're tossing me into another, Yukari?

Yeah, I'll be seeing Meiling again, I don't care whatever little grudge Remilia has with you. Utsuho too. And I know I'll see a whole lot of you even if I tried to avoid it.

And a "game" , huh? To find out my real purpose, to see how I stack up against Gensokyo's mastermind?

…Alright, overseer. Bring it on. I'll fight whoever aims their bullets my way, I'll toughen up, I'll make more Spell Cards, and above all I'll find out what you're hiding.

Soon as I can wake up again…the game is afoot.

But for now, I just…need some…

…

**

* * *

The first arc is at an end, readers. It's been two months since the adventure began, and though we're only fifteen chapters in, the gears in my head are furiously at work when I think about this story's next direction.**

**We are here, with just over sixty reviews. All of them are positive thus far. I have nothing to say, I am just humbled beyond belief. You all are, without a doubt, what keeps me going. To the fellow avid authors who follow my story -Xavic, bluewolf963, VirusChris, PeachDaisyAmy777, Mawlsie- and others who don't type as much, much still follow strongly -DuoOmega, Voidwalker Zelt, ShimmerMist, Spellcard- and the rest of you, you all have my deepest gratitude. It's the feedback that keeps me in check and gives me hope.**

**The first arc is done, in any case, and the story's first "boss" conquered. As you know, this story's Spell Cards are using the fighting games' style. Flandre, though, wasn't in those games. (ZUN could think of a way to make her accurate and balanced at the same time, if I recall.) So, I had to modify her Spell Cards to fit the motif. I hope they were acceptable. (I didn't touch "And Then There Will Be None?" of course. You try making that monster into a fighting game Spell Card! Oi.) In any case, we'll be getting back to the action pretty quick - Gensokyo never stays quiet for long.**

**In the next chapter we'll follow Utsuho, our secondary protagonist, as she deals with some overzealous youkai in the Underground. And then? We begin the first true incident of this story's Gensokyo, a little something I like to call "Unrivaled Avian Calamity" !**

**Until next time!**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Today marks our first "Intermission" chapter, which exists solely for bridging the gap from one major event to another. As you may have noticed, Ryan Randa has been dealing with his own personal "incident" this past arc. Well, what would any incident be without an Extra Stage?**

**We follow our secondary protagonist, the wonderful and slightly insane Utsuho Reiuji into the reactor, where she'll meet our first Extra Boss, and enact the prelude for our first major incident!**

**This oughta be good! Here we go, readers!**

* * *

Chapter Sixteen: Adventures of Okuu in New Hell!

Utsuho Reiuji. A hell raven who, by the behest of the mountain god Kanako, consumed the fallen body of the great god, the Yatagarasu. The result would change the simple-minded servant of Satori for all time.

Why Kanako did as she did is not exactly clear - well, not the experiment itself, but specifically Utsuho. The reasonable conclusion is that the gaping caverns of the underground would be the ideal place for a nuclear reactor.

Kanako got her reactor, of course. This new power she also shared with the kappas. Even Yukari was intrigued enough to allow it to remain.

…And yet, this did not come free of consequence. Unforeseen by the scheming god, Utsuho devouring the Yatagarasu did not come without a cost. The cost in mention was her own mind.

This wouldn't have been just Utsuho, of course. The unlimited power of the nuclear sun would have ravaged the mental facilities of anyone who committed this act. In a delusional frenzy, Utsuho thought that Kanako's words of a "New" New Hell meant transforming the word above into a sea of searing rock and roaring flames. And so she attempted to breach the world above and make this a reality.

However, as is in every incident, the steadfast shrine maiden Reimu and her destructive friend Marisa charged headlong into the underground and put an end to Utsuho's plan. The shock of the defeat from the Spell card battle was enough to lessen the apocalyptic tendencies of Utsuho's fragmented mind.

Ever since, the Hell Raven has been hard at work managing the reactor, taking care of it like one might a favorite pet or child - seeing as she has inherited the powers of a sun god, acting this way towards a sun isn't too surprising.

However, contrary to what others may believe, Utsuho's mind…isn't healed.

Sure, she's very sweet and outgoing, but…no matter how happy or calm she may be, push one of her buttons even for a second and you're likely to be incinerated in the next.

However, the bird manages to keep her madness contained behind her conscious mind. But how might she do this when her intelligence is limited by the very fact that she was once but a normal raven?

It's simple: she's had help. Odd help, but help nonetheless.

"…_**Can't leave…"**_

Utsuho cringed some. She hated this dream. It was more like a nightmare than anything.

It was a recurring one. Every now and again, when she entered slumber, Utsuho would find herself surrounded by a dark void, bearing naught but her and another: an image of Okuu borne of flames, trapping the raven in a relentless embrace from behind. It was the same every time. She would watch as images appeared before her, then left for - well, let's allow the dream to play itself out.

"_**See now…"**_ The fiery apparition whispered into Utsuho's ear, tightening its grip. _**"…why…can't ever…"**_

A figure stepped forward from the darkness. It was a tall woman with blue hair and a ring of rope on her back stepped forward. She glanced over Okuu, nodding to herself a few times.

"L-Lady Kanako!" Utsuho spoke, fighting her double's grip. "Can you help me, please? I can't move!"

However, the god ignored her pleas. She took out a notepad and a pencil, jotted something down, and turned away.

"Lady Kanako! Can't you hear me?" Okuu tried again. It was to no avail, Kanako walked away regardless of her voice.

"_**Tool…only a…tool…" **_The double whispered again. _**"For power…she never sees you but…only for…"**_

A second figure descended from the darkness. This was the shrine maiden Reimu. She looked over to Utsuho, then took a cautious step back.

"You're that shrine maiden, right?" Utsuho asked. "I can't move. Would you please help me?"

"…Tch." Reimu scoffed, turning away and giving her a sidelong glance. "Like I'd break my back for a youkai. Figure it out yourself."

"Hold on!" But it was too late. Reimu, too, was gone.

"_**Never…never help a youkai…"**_ Utuho's double hissed. _**"Selfish…unreliable…"**_

Utsuho's head hung sadly. This was how it always was. The double would show her people she knew, and what she should apparently think of them. So far, it was as follows - she could trust Orin, Satori, Komeji, Yuugi, and Nitori. She could not trust Kanako, Reimu, Marisa, or Yukari.

The dream typically worked with two at a time, so she would be waking up any second.

…Yet the dream didn't stop.

_**"…**__**No…" **_The double suddenly whispered, clutching to Okuu tighter than it ever had before. _**"…a change…"**_

Footsteps could be heard. Another person?

"Who's there?" Okuu called. "Hello?"

The person finally emerged from the shadows. He was a human of about Utsuho's height, with auburn hair and a thin beard to match. His blue eyes flickered over Utsuho's form, before nodding confidently. Then, he did something none of the others had before.

He stepped closer.

The man said not a word, but extended his hand in a welcoming gesture. Much to Utsuho's surprise, the double released one of her arms.

"_**Not afraid…or angry…?" **_The double whispered in shock.

The man merely shrugged at that comment, his hand still there.

Utsuho extended her arm. She took his hand in her own, and gave it a firm shake. The man grinned in response, taking his arm back. He then gave a two-fingered salute, stepping back.

"What?" Utsuho whined. "You…you're leaving too?"

The man shook his head. He looked her in the eyes, chuckled lightly, and walked away.

"_**What…is that…?" **_The double whispered into Utsuho's ear. _**"Hand…your hand…!"**_

Utsuho looked into the hand he had shaken. Sure enough, there was an object there.

A Spell Card.

Utsuho's head shot up, and to her great surprise, the man hadn't disappeared yet. He was holding a hand into the air. Clutched between his fingers was a Spell Card, it's platinum-colored backing matching that of hers.

"…_**Second sun…" **_The double whispered. _**"What it means…cannot say…"**_

There was a rumbling sound. The man disappeared in a flash of blue light. The dream was beginning to end.

"…Wait! Hang on!" Utsuho roughly twisted in her double's grip, turning enough to look it in its red eyes. "Well? What kind of person is he? Can I trust him too?"

_**"…"**_ The double seemed reluctant to answer. _**"…Yes."**_

Utsuho sighed in relief. Right on cue, the dream began to become distorted.

"_**Still here…I am…always still..."**_ The double spoke one final time. _**"Now as one…we are now as…never forget…"**_

The dream faded to white.

_**BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP!**_

"Unyuu!" Utsuho shot up in bed, breathing a bit heavily. She groaned and looked to the wooden desk by her bed. There was that wretched "alarm clock" contraption she'd gotten as a gift from the kappas, blaring like it did every morning.

She closed her eyes in thought, putting a hand over the crimson eye in her chest. Yeah, that fiery copy of her was still there.

And to be honest, she was glad that it was.

* * *

"Hey, Okuu!" Rin called cheerily, hopping over the stair rail to meet her best friend for breakfast. "Mornin'! How are you feeling!"

"Oh… Hi, Rin!" The raven sitting at a wooden table in the dining room finally noticed the cat's presence, greeting her with a halfhearted smile. "I'm just waiting on food…"

Rin frowned. Something was up with Okuu in the morning as of late. She always seemed ridiculously tired around mealtime, but come work hours she pepped up just like that. Hell's Traffic Accident couldn't help but wonder if the kappas or that Kanako lady were doing anything…strange to her pal. Because if so, she was going to get Yuugi and Parsee, head up there and beat the living-

"Rin!" Okuu called. Rin snapped from her murderous thoughts to address her shocked expression. "What's wrong? You look really angry…!"

"Ah! Er…nothing, nothing!" Rin put on a falsely happy face and scooted down next to Okuu, resting her arm on the others shoulder. "So, you excited about today?"

Rin chuckled quietly. She loved doing this. Every time something new was happening, she would remember and Utsuho would forget. Then, even if it was a small thing, she'd hype it up to hell and back before reminding her birdbrained pal so she would enjoy it even more. A little mean, sure, but it always meant Utsuho would enjoy it more than she would otherwi-

"Of course!" The raven chirped happily.

…_What? _Rin thought with a tinge of bitterness, eye twitching.

"Ryan's coming back today, right?" Utsuho smiled. "And today is my day off, so we can show him around the Underground!"

"…Heh." Rin patted the taller girl's head, elating a happy giggle. "R-Right you are…"

_Though I wanted to be the one to tell her… _Came the cross follow-up in her thoughts. _Still, Randa seemed like a great guy. He better not flake today…_

"Actually," A regal-sounding voice rang out, "I have something to say regarding that, Orin."

Both girls froze at the sound. The door to the kitchen opened, and out stepped their purple-haired master in her typical green dress, third eye bare for all to see. There was a moment of silence.

"…Utsuho, I don't need to read your thoughts to know what you're about to do."

"_Master!_" The bird tore from her chair is an imperceptible blur, tackling Satori in a glomp for the ages. Satori chuckled heartily, pushing away the larger girl who was nuzzling her cheek against her own. "Good morning!"

"Yes, yes…" Satori, with some gentle pushing, managed to dislodge her pet from her side. She was then greeted by a much shorted, much more subtle embrace from Orin. "Hello to you as well, Rin."

"Morning, master." The cat grinned. She and Okuu returned to their seats, Satori sitting across from them. "So, if we're all here, who's fixing the food?"

"Oh, we've come across a temporary staff member." Satori smiled with a dismissive wave. "I'm not all too sure of the details myself, even after scanning her thoughts, but it seems she feels a dire need to hone her cooking ability."

"Really?" Rin smiled broadly, slapping a hand on the table. "Well, call her out, master! Let's meet her!"

"Coming!" Came a voice from the kitchen. The door was roughly kicked open by a diminutive figure holding several bowls. Her toothy grin was accented by red eyes, those being beneath blonde hair that was kept by a red ribbon. She hustled over to the table where the three usual members of the household were sitting, thrusting the bowls of an oatmeal-looking substance onto the table. The bowls slid to a stop, oddly enough right in front of their intended owners. The youkai beamed, turning to Satori with a searching look.

"…I don't know, Rumia. Do _you_ think you did well?" Satori asked in response to the questioning thoughts. The blonde brushed off her black dress glancing about the table nervously.

"Well…um…I dunno. Maybe?" Rumia fidgeted.

_**Shlurp!**_

Rin noisily sipped from her spoon, turning everyone's attention to her. She closed her eyes and furrowed her brow in deep thought. All remained quiet for the verdict, Rumia twisting around the tip of her dress.

"…Y'know…" Rin began.

"Yes, yes?" Rumia leaned forward some.

"…Awesome!" The cat gave a thumbs-up. "I dunno what you were worried about, this is great!"

Ustuho began to partake after Orin's audible approval, Satori's reaction merely an approving nod.

"Oh, good!" Rumia sighed in relief. "And to think, that only took one afternoon!"

"…One afternoon?" Satori deadpanned. Rumia nodded eagerly.

"Yeah-huh! The others will be so glad to see how good I've gotten!"

There was silence. Rin shoved her hands over her mouth to stifle her laughter. Utsuho head tilted. Satori slowly raised a finger in interjection.

"Ah…Rumia? You've been here for several days."

Another silence, this one even more awkward than the one prior.

"OH NO!" The blonde freaked out, arms a-flailing in a Cirno-esque fashion before taking to the air, and promptly slamming her head against the stone roof after which she fell to the ground in a comical fashion. "M-M-M-Miss Satori! I need to leave!"

"Head through the kitchen. Two rights and a left later you'll be on your way to the residential district. Keep going from there." Satori explained, sipping her oatmeal from the spoon the bowl had come with. "However, I should hope you report for duty tomorrow."

"Oh yeah, I did agree to that, huh…" Rumia muttered before taking off in the appointed directions.

"Later, new girl!" Rin waved cheerily as the darkness youkai took off. She then turned her attention to her master.

"Yes, Rin, I did mention something regarding Mr. Randa. Now," Satori folded her hands together on the table, giving the two a very firm stare, "Rin. You are familiar with the name Flandre Scarlet, are you not?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah!" Rin nodded while Okuu stared on cluelessly. "Rumors from some of the shadier spots of the underground say she's this holy terror in the Scarlet Devil Mansion's basement, a vampire strong enough to even give Okuu here a challenge?"

"…You've heard correctly." Satori took another sip. "Which leads me to my next point. I've just received a message from Yukari as of last night. It would seem that Mr. Randa had an unfortunate run-in with that person."

"…Ah?" Rin's expression immediately fell. If the rumors were true…and Ryan had run into her, then… "Uh-oh."

"What's wrong?" Okuu asked. She couldn't quite get it, but she could tell that something was wrong, and it involved her new friend. "Rin, what's going on?"

"…Uh…Okuu…" Rin placed a solemn hand on the bird's shoulder. "I think that…bro strong corpse is-"

"Steadily recovering." Satori broke in. Rin blinked before sighing in relief while Utsuho let out a confused "Unyuu?" at the sudden comment. "He was injured badly in the fight, but he will heal. Surprisingly quickly, supposedly."

"But wait…" Utsuho began quietly. "If he's hurt then…he can't…"

"Yeah…seems that way." Rin shrugged. Still, she was impressed. To think a human who just got tossed into Gensokyo about a week ago could take on that monster of a girl!

"Yes, Rin, it is fairly shocking." Satori nodded in response to her pet's thought. "However, Okuu, I have something to tell you specifically."

"Oh?" The raven sat up straighter in her seat. "What's that?"

"It refers to how he won his fight, something Yukari said you'd be glad to know." Satori pressed a finger to her head in thought. "Something about a promise? It seems that, whatever it was, he kept it."

_Promise? _Okuu thought. _How strange, unyuu. I don't know what that-_

Suddenly, the bird jumped to her feet from the chair. Positively beaming, she began to shake Rin by the shoulders.

"Oh! Oh! Rin! The card!" Okuu, keeping her grip on her friend, summoned a Spell Card between her fingers. She shoved it in Rin's face. "The Spell Card we made! He used his half to beat her up! Just like he said he would!"

"A Spell Card?" Satori's face scrunched in confusion. She stood from her seat and gestured towards Okuu. "Okuu, let me see that, if you would."

_Hm. _Satori stared over the object once her pet had handed it to her. _Galaxy Sign "Nuclear Nebula", huh? I can sense it, from the cards and Okuu's thoughts…that man really was able to summon enough power to match one of her Spell Cards. I'm starting to see reason for Yukari's interest in him…_

"Here you are." Satori said, handing the card back to its owner. "I must say, it looks very useful. An excellent job, Okuu!"

The raven giggled and blushed, twisting her foot some. The sheer cuteness of the action caused Rin to blush, turn her head, and cough loudly.

"Right, so, are we still taking the day off?" She asked, starting for her wheelbarrow.

"Hm…" Okuu put the tip of the card to her lower lip in thought. "…No, no thanks."

At the response Rin tripped, landing in her cart and flipping it upside down with her in it. She grunted as she lifted the heavy wood from over her head.

"Eh~?" Rin scrambled to her feet. "But-But why? We were gonna have fun!"

"…No, it wouldn't be right." Utsuho pouted, dismissing the card. "Ryan kept his promise. We can't have fun while he's hurt, that's not fair."

"Well, I guess…" Rin begrudgingly conceded. Satori smiled widely and turned towards her taller pet.

"Okuu, that's very noble of you." Satori stood on her tiptoes to pat the raven on her head twice. "You can go to work today, if you want. When Ryan's free, you can take your day off then, okay?"

"Alright! Hee, thank you master!" She engulfed Satori in another hug, her master just lying back and accepting it this time. Meanwhile, a faint creaking could be heard behind them, edging towards the door.

"Rin, if she's going to work, so are you."

"Ah, damn."

* * *

"_Hm-Hm-Hm, La-la-la-la, Ma-na-ging the re-ac-tor is such fun! Doot-doot-dooo~…_"Okuu hummed, blasting the artificial sun hanging below with a steady stream of energy. The song she was humming was one she had heard the mountain shrine maiden humming when she came by on a visit with Kanako. Okuu couldn't quite place the melody's title, "Super M-something-or-other", as far as she was concerned. Still, it was quite catchy, and she liked making up lyrics for tunes she heard, so this was okay by her.

The heated cavern coated with green steel was quite comforting to Utsuho. For whatever reason, she felt she could trust that voice in her head, the one who appeared to her in her dreams. Whenever she was here, it felt like that voice's "presence" was even nearer. It was warm and easy for her wings to catch upwards drifting air, so flying was hardly an issue.

Utsuho was so sucked into her work, one could assume that she didn't notice the other person in the reactor core…

"_Yes. Affirmative._" The figure was hunched into a darkened corner of the cavern, away from the entrance. It's ashen-brown wings flapping slowly to keep it aloft. It continued speaking into what seemed to be a ruby. "_I've found her, ma'am! It's just like you said, she was in the reactor after all!_"

Okuu blinked some, as if she had heard something. She glanced about. Nobody was in sight, so she went back to work.

"…_Whew! Too close._" The figure slightly emerged from hiding, hunched over its ruby again. "_Huh? No ma'am. It's just that I was almost spotted. Yes, she turned away again._"

The figured listened to the other voice's next words, and paled considerably.

"…_What do you mean 'flee for your life' ?_"

"FOREIGN CONTAMINANT DETECTED!"

_**BERKOOOOOOOW!**_

One could "assume". They would still be wrong, though.

"WAAAAAAH!" The figure burst from its hiding place, wings flapping wildly to propel it from the massive orange sphere that just hurtled into where it had been concealed. "H-Hey, watch where you throw things!"

Utsuho descended from her perch high above the artificial sun, staring down the revealed person with a half-interested look.

"That's what I'm supposed to do with contaminants though." Utsuho explained, shrugging off the intruder's anger. "So, if you're not a contaminant, what are you?"

"I'm…I'm a _sparrow!_" The intruder was, indeed, a sparrow-looking youkai. His hair was a color matching his wings, which stretched back to a point behind his head. His orange eyes were now wide with confusion, while his lower lip below pouted pathetically. He was clad in a red cloark with a black shirt beneath, clashing with his green pants leading to unfitting dress shoes. Physically, he looked like a thirteen year old boy. However, it seemed that he wasn't a tengu of any kind - his wings were part of his human-esque arms.

"A sparrow?" Utsuho head tilted.

"Surely you recognize your fellow bird…!" He whined. He then corrected himself, clearing his throat and puffing out his chest. "You-You are the great raven of Hell's fire, Lady Utsuho, correct?"

"Hee, he called me 'lady' !" Utsuho giggled to herself. "Yes, I'm Utsuho Reiuji. You are?"

"Ah, brilliant!" The sparrow puffed out his chest and smacked a fist to it proudly. "I, my lady, am he who is called Chino, great avian soldier of several wars, lieutenant first-class of-"

"Unyuu…" Utsuho groaned, hunching over in midair.

"…Beg pardon?" Chino asked, a bit offset by his grand speech's interruption.

"Could you please hurry?" Utsuho whined. "I need to get back to work, or master won't let me have my day off!"

She turned away, beginning her ascent to her post, when Chino flapped in front of her, letting out objecting stammers.

"Well - that is - your master!" He said, blocking her way. "This infernal 'master' of yours is precisely why I'm here!"

"Muh? Infernal?" Okuu paused, her index and thumb covering her chin in thought. "…Hey! That's a bad thing, right?"

"Ah…erm, but of course! Why should one such as yourself serve a diminutive, exiled youkai?" Chino beamed. "I've heard many great things of your power, and so I've been sent to-"

"Hey!" Okuu blurted. "Diminutive means 'short' I think!"

"Indeed! The absolute shortest, enough so you could smother her with your heel!" Chino chirped. Apparently he thought he was making progress. "Which is why I must ask-"

_**THOOM!**_

"_Hurgh!_" Chino doubled over, the tip of Utsuho's control rod slammed into his abdomen. Once her rod moved back he clutched his middle, flapping one arm to stay aloft.

That is, until Okuu followed up with an axe kick to the back of his head that could shatter brick.

_**CRRRACK!**_

"Yah-ha-ha-haaaagh!" Chino cried as he was sent flying in spirals into the lowest area of the cavern, slamming into the rock just above the searing magma.

"_How dare you call my master bad and short?_" Okuu roared, face red with anger. It was clear that, whatever Chino thought her situation with Satori was, it was far from the truth. "You called me a lady, I thought you were nice… Hmph! You're just a contaminant in the reactor!"

_Damn_, Chino thought, wiping the spit from his lip, _it appears that the satori has her so far under her control that she would call her a beloved master! I must free my fellow bird at once!_

"I don't care why you're here!" Utsuho cried ferociously, "but I want you GONE!"

"Commander. The subject is offering considerable resistance." Chino spoke into the ruby he'd stashed in his cloak's pocket. "She's been brainwashed completely, I must liberate by force!"

There came a garbled reply.

"…What do you mean 'we'll notify your next of kin' ?" Chino whined.

"_Burning Sign "Fixed Star" !_" Utsuho reared her uncovered arm back, a ring of energy forming in her hand… Then, she lurched forward and hurled it with everything she had. "Hyah!"

"Whaaah!" Chino darted to the side, allowing the ring to pass him by. It carved into the stone and kept on going. Seeing the danger had passed, Chino drew a dagger shaped like one of his feathers and charged, raising the weapon above his head. "Very well, Lady Utsuho! Have at thee!"

Okuu looked him in the eyes. A devilish little smirk began to play on her lips.

"…Uh?" Chino grunted.

Of course, he would have no way of knowing…

_**FWWWORSH!**_

"GYAH!" Chino cried in pain as the ring cut through him from behind. The ring left a red, glowing mark on his waistline where it passed through.

…that the card had a boomerang effect. Sadly, as this is now a Spell Card battle, Chino wasn't actually cut.

"Got you~!" Okuu laughed, catching the ring as it returned. "You should apologize, "Chee-no", before you really get hurt!"

"A…Apologize?" Chino groaned, regaining his composure. "And let my fellow bird remain enslaved? I say 'never' !"

" 'Slave' ?" Okuu repeated. "You keep saying such rude things…!"

"Try this!" Chino thrusted his palms forward. "_Great Bird's Illusion "Feather Maze" !_"

From Chino's palms came a torrent of feathers, formed from danmaku of a deep crimson. The feathers circled around the raven, until forming a tight globe around her. Needless to say, Okuu freaked out a bit.

"Waaah!" She cried, flailing her control rod about. "Lemmie out-lemmie out-lemmie out!"

She finally slammed her control rod against one of the sides. The cage exploded into a storm of danmaku feathers that darted back and forth, almost making it look like she was surrounded by a deep red, horizontally angled rain. However, for her limited booksmarts and technical ability, Utsuho is an excellent fighter. She ducked and weaved, grazing the shots without so much as nicking a wing, her cape majestically fluttering through the air.

"C-Curses!" Chino muttered, withdrawing his palms. "She is as good as they say…but, if I could just catch her with her guard down…!"

Chino let out a less-than-impressive battle cry, then drew his dagger and charged into the storm. As he was the owner of the card, he could bypass his danmaku freely, making it much easier to close in on the Hell Raven, and…!

_**WHAP!**_

…get kicked in the face by her electron foot.

"-GAH!" Chino recoiled, holding his face from the fearsome blow. Seeing her chance, Okuu dodged one more wave from "Feather Maze" …

_**CHK!**_

…and aimed her control rod his way.

"_Light Energy "High-Tension Blade" !_" The tip of the rod opened, allowing a blade of white light to spill out, stretching as far as the length of her wings. She raised the blade into the air with a battle cry, lighting the cavern a brighter hue. "Kyaaaaaah…!"

"Oh no, you d-don't!" Chino shouted, holding up his dagger into a defensive position to counter the raven's weapon.

Let us take this second to remember that this is not Ryan, but Chino. Ryan's blade is much bigger.

_**CRRRRRRANG!**_

Chino went wide-eyed, choking on his own caught breath when "High-Tension Blade" cleaved through him down the middle, splitting his flimsy dagger in two. A whooshing noise filled the air, and "Feather Maze" was dismissed. Okuu allowed her Spell Card to fade as well, watching Chino fight to catch his breath with an amused stare - the kind a child might gain from watching a puppy chase his tail.

_Unbelievable… _Chino though as he gulped in fresh air. _I'm…completely outmatched…were this not a Spell Card battle, she would have cut me in two in two different ways already!_

"Hm…" Utsuho stopped in midair, bringing her hand to her chin in a pondering motion. "I did promise that the 'next time'…"

"What?" Chino asked inbetween breaths. ""What are you…talking about…?"

"Although…this person isn't very strong…and that Flandre girl was." Okuu continued, ignoring Chino entirely. "It might be a bit of a waste…"

"Not strong?" Chino huffed, face going red. "I should say that I am! I told you, I am a veteran of several wars, lieutenant first-class of-"

"Oh, _that's_ what you said!" Okuu beamed, turning back towards the sparrow. "Okay, I get it, now!"

"Ah, good…" Chino sighed, wiping the sweat from his brow. "Then perhaps we can avoid any further-"

"That means," Okuu began, holding her hand towards the roof of the cavern, "that I can use this _without_ killing you!"

"WHAT?" The small soldier cried in fear, backing away at an impressive speed.

"_Galaxy Sign…_"A Spell Card materialized between Okuu's fingers. The sun beneath her dimmed, causing the room to darken more and more, until the reactor was pitch-black.

"What is this?" Chino demanded, flapping around the darkness frantically. "Wait! I lied! I'm not that strong! Ah-ha-ha-ha…?"

Suddenly, a bight red glyph appeared behind Utsuho's silhouette. Not a feature on the raven herself could be seen…that is, until the slitted eye on her chest illuminated as well, staring right into Chino. The glyph shone even brighter. Finally, she spoke again. The voice that could be heard, however…

"… "_Nuclear Nebula" ._"

…was not her own.

"-! Yah!"

Nuclear suns. Tens- no, dozens ripped from the space behind the Hell Raven, charging forth in the darkness. They were not alone, though. Alongside the orange globes, white-hot lasers blasted away in her target's direction. Smaller suns filled the gaps between the larger, complimented by more narrow, sharper beams.

The wave came forth as a torrent of frightening strength, impressive even by Utsuho's standards. If anyone had been present to Ryan's "Sunlight's Starstorm" and were here now, they would immediately notice some similarities. However, there was one major, major difference to be had, here.

Okuu is known for being careless and crazy in battle. Ryan is more cautious and cunning.

However, if one were to line their attacks next to each other it would be clear that, while "Sunlight's Starstorm" was extremely chaotic with shots branching off at random, "Nuclear Nebula" began in a wide berth and funneled into a very stable, precise stream.

Of course, this completely contradicts who they are as people. But enough spoilers - let's get back to the plot, m'kay?

"_GWAAAAAAAAAH!_" Chino was nailed by a nuclear sun, and quickly caught in a series of lasers. Of course, the poor guy didn't stand a chance.

_**KREEEEEEEEEESH!**_

The light had returned, and the glyph had faded.

"Uuuuuuugh…" This was the only sound he could make. It would seem that he didn't even know just where he was at the moment.

"Wow, I guess you really could handle it!" Utsuho giggled in her voice which had returned to normal, watching the sparrow slowly descend as if he'd been slammed against a window and was sliding down it. "Oh, you might wanna watch out. That's lava down there, and all."

By this point Chino's tail feathers were skimming the boiling surface. They caught aflame from the heat.

"YOOOOOOOWCH!" Covering his hind end, Chino began to fly around in a circle screaming "no fried drumsticks!" while Utsuho watched with merry laughter. After some doing, he had managed to put the flames out. "Ah…hah…you…why didn't you help me?"

"Huh? Oh…I'm sorry…" Okuu mumbled with a disheartened expression. In moments, though, she shook her head rapidly and gave Chino a firm glare. "Wait, no I'm not! You were saying horrible things about master! You deserved to get beat up!"

There was silence. Chino's face slowly twisted, from confusion to something resembling disgust.

"…So." Chino muttered, turned away, "It seems my intel might have been off…"

"What's that?" Okuu blinked. However, Chino just chuckled darkly.

"Fine, fine. I see how it is." He turned towards her again, pointing an accusing finger. "You're…_a traitor, aren't you?_"

Silence.

"…Unyuu?"

"Don't give me that!" Chino whined. "I bet this whole 'reactor' thing is just a cover! Yeah! You're a co-conspirator with all those other youkai! …And _humans_…"

"Hey!" Okuu snapped. "I have a friend who's human!"

"Exactly my point." Chino growled. "Turncoat raven! Catering to a featherless-"

_**VRRRN!**_

"Are you going to insult Ryan as well as master?" Okuu spoke dangerously, eyes shadowed and control rod pointing Chino's way, it's electrodes crackling with power. Apparently, she was more than ready for a second round.

"…" Chino was deathly quiet. "…Ah…"

"Foreign contaminant detected."

"MARK MY WORDS!" Chino screamed with an obvious hint of fear, fleeing for the hole at the very top of the cavern. "You and all other traitors to our lineage! You shall _rue_ the day you crossed Chino, lieutenant first-class of-"

_**BERKOW!**_

"YIIIEEE!" The sparrow shrieked as a beamed shot right by his face. "I'm going, I'm going!"

Chino darted out the hole, and was gone. Utsuho just stared after him a couple of seconds.

"…What a strange person." She spoke to nobody, shrugging and heading back towards the artificial sun. She still had a job to do, after all.

A few minutes later, she was humming to herself that odd little tune, keeping a beam materialized from herself to the sun. Suddenly, the almost-silence was broken.

"_**Troublesome."**_

"Oh, I don't know." Utsuho responded to the voice in her head. "He didn't seem like a bad person, just…silly."

"_**Insulted…he…"**_

"Yeah, he did, huh?" Okuu said with a "Hmm" after. "…What do you think I should do?"

"_**Trusted…he cannot be trust…"**_

"Oh. Hee-hee. Okay!" Okuu smiled cheerfully, returning all focus to her work.

Another silence, the insane little bird all by herself.

Utsuho glanced from left to right, as if being watched.

"…_**Problem…?"**_

"…But what if he ever brought me a tasty corpse?"

"_**No."**_

"Unyuu…"

**

* * *

Readers, I'm not going to lie. For a bridge chapter, this was just plain fun to compose, and I hope that is noticeable in the finished product. I love that bird so freaking much.**

**Can anyone guess who the voice in Okuu's head is? I'm sure it's not too hard to piece together, even in its first showing, eh?**

**Anywho, new character! AAAAAND, le gasp, he too is an OC!**

**Chino (That's "Chee-no", not meant to be pronounced anything like Cirno.) a determined sparrow -not a night sparrow- who is apparently a veteran soldier of some force that he never got to name, thanks to Okuu's copious amounts of awesome. She is my spoiler-guard, readers! Right. Chino will reappear in the upcoming arc, of course, but he won't exactly be a major player. If you couldn't tell here, the kid's pretty weak.**

**The mirror of "Sunlight's Starstorm", "Nuclear Nebula" is revealed! Funny how the collected guy gets the crazy, out-of-control one while the crazy, out-of-control girl gets the collected one, huh?**

**Well, tune in next time, readers, when we get back to our golden boy's brain and are dumped into a whole new crazy adventure! Expect showings of Ryan, Okuu, Reimu, Marisa, Sakuya, Meiling, and two fan-favorites yet to be introduced!**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Sorry about the delay. The 3DS- ER, that is, my studies kept me busy! Ah-ha-ha…**

**But seriously, I do have a 3DS as of now. And Street Fighter 4. Much ass-kicking is to be had, rest assured. I haven't lost track of my studies though, never fear! (Believe me, my high school Junior year is the LAST place I want missed credits…)**

**Here we go, readers! Arc 2 BEGIN!**

* * *

**ARC 2: Unrivaled Avian Calamity**

* * *

Chapter 17: Marios for your Luigis

"…Hmph."

In a dark room of an unknown building at an unspecified location, a near-giant, heavyset figure watched events transpire from a glassy portal. He'd returned just in time to see Chino fleeing from the underground reactor. Needless to say, whatever he'd done, they wouldn't be recruiting Utsuho Reiuji any time soon. It was…

"Troublesome." The figure muttered in a gruff tone, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "Commander, you informed me that this one was one of your higher-ranked soldiers. Why does he display such cowardice?"

"Forgive me, Master." Said a female voice belonging to a normal-sized figure with a slender frame replied. "Chino is quite versatile in his combat capabilities, but he is too…prideful."

"He's a fool." The Master corrected grumpily. "And more importantly, that girl was one of our top priorities. Roping her in will be nigh impossible, if even _that_."

"I understand, Master." The Commander replied, kneeling before the massive other. "Please, do not condemn Chino. The fault is mine, and I will bear-"

"**Enough.**"

The Commander's breath hitched in her throat, too frightened to move and the Master stood from his chair, towering over her.

"M…Master?"

"I instruct you," The Master began, his calm voice betraying his limited patience, "to train our soldiers to the best of your ability, and to _only dispatch them when they are ready_. This boy clearly is not yet prepared for the trials of battle against youkai ranking beyond the meager garden variety in the surrounding forests."

The Commander slowly lowered her head, the Master's words a searing prod to her pride.

"More importantly," He continued, heavily thudding on the wooden floorboards as he paced back and forth, "you _shame our clan_ when you make such blunders. Am I understood?"

"Yes, Master." The Commander replied in a choked voice.

"…I should hope so." The giant male returned to his throne-like chair, turning back towards the viewing portal. "For your luck, there are still the two others. I would like to think the next attempt goes…_better_ than this one did, Commander?"

The Commander could make no more sounds. She merely made a stiff nod in response.

"Very good." The Master waved her off without facing her, showing the massive feathers linked to his humanoid arms. "Now begone."

The Commander was gone in an afterimage and a flourish of onyx feathers. The Master continued watching from his seat.

It was time to see exactly how well his old "negotiator" understood just how badly she'd ruined their agreement.

* * *

_**-FIVE DAYS LATER-**_

AHHHHHH…

Man, that felt good!

"Are you quite done stretching?" Ran practically sweat dropped from the doorway.

"Nah, I'm good!" I grin, grabbing my weapons from the corner. "Let's see what Gappy has to say!"

Ran disappears in a gap, and I hurl myself from the door, catching the western stair railing, swinging myself onto it, and surfing down. I hop off at the knob on the end, landing in a roll and straightening myself out in front of the mirror at the door.

I've been staying with the Yakumos the past week, and I've got to say, it's been an awesome few days! Granted, half of the six I spent in bed, healing from my match with Flandre, but all well that ends well!

Right, now let's see… Looking handsome! Ha, naw, that's a Mother joke. In all seriousness though, how am I coming along?

"Yo Ran, mind turning away for a second?" I call over my shoulder.

"Why, are you embarrassed, Ryan?" The kitsune teases, peering out from the dining room.

"Nah. I just don't want you to faint from overexposure to pure manly." I reply with a smirk. From the corner of the reflection, I can see Ran adopt that oh-so-sought-after blush. "Away with ye!"

"Gladly." She smirks back. "If I want to see a Picasso, I'll go to a museum."

Ooh-hoo-hoo, sick burn! I've taught her well these past days. Now then! Shirt off!

I slide my t-shirt over my head, allowing me to see just how complete my recovery is. My pecs are a bit more defined, my shoulder broader, and I can just make out the beginning of my abs. The work I've taken these extra two days to do has really paid off! I'm just glad this woman has immediate access to any kind of bodybuilding equipment! …What was it Yukari said while I was still bedridden?

"_**Should you train while your body heals, it is likely to be in a better condition then you had left it in."**_

Something like that. So, did some crunches, moved some bars, not to mention I'm sure a chunk of this has resulted from my several battles I've had here already. Maybe danmaku burns fat, hell, I dunno. Oh right, I still need to check _that_…

*Whistle* Day-yum! Flanny, you oughta be a tattoo artist, because that's what you did between my pecs! Just above where my rib cage's center, there's a deep, crimson mark from where her wand pierced through me. I guess it might've been really hot, what with the explosions, but whatever. Anyway, it left a "plus" sign in my chest, with a large circle in the middle.

Oh, but that's not the coolest part. You know how some people can make theirs dance?

"Heh." I take in solar energy from the window. The mark begins to radiate a light blue.

Mine glows in the dark. Suck it, Tony Stark.

"Ryan-shan, what 'cha doing?"

GUH! Moe alert!

ACT…NATURAL.

"Ch-Ch-Chen!" I grin nervously, holding my shirt over my exposed manly. "I, eh, didn't see you there, kiddo."

**That wasn't natural.**

Bite me, CS.

"Why you holding your shirt up for?" Chen asked, head tilting. Adorably head tilting. "Aren't 'cha gonna put it on?"

"Um, yeah!" I nod rapidly with a false grin. "Yeah, I was just, eh, making sure it didn't shrink in the wash! You run along, now!"

"Hee-hee! Okaaaaaay." The nekomata giggles ands skips off to the dining room.

…Whoo! Crisis averted. Ran would've gutted me if I was bare in front of Chen! Well, better toss this back on. Farewell my manly mark, we'll always have my facebook page.

"So, what's going on?" I ask, rounding the corner into the room. Yukari is seated at the head of the wooden table while Chen eats a spoonful of Cherrios and Ran sips her mug of coffee. I see there's a McMuffin at one seat, so I hustle over and grab it before Yukari changes her mind. "Oh, and thanks for grabbing breakfast."

"No trouble." Yukari smiles. Her expression quickly becomes more stern. "Still, there is a reason I've called you all down so early in the day."

"Really?' I ask before biting into the delicious blend of egg, cheese, and sausage. I continue with my mouth full. "Letsh shear it shen!"

"Hee-hee!" Chen point at me in a fit of giggles. "Ryan-shan's cheeks are all chubby."

Yukari sighs and gives Chen an endearing smile before gapping a rectangular something onto the table.

"Take a look at this."

* * *

"I don't get it, ze." Marisa blinks at the newspaper Reimu set in front of her, a cup of tea in her lap.

The two were sitting on the steps of the Hakurei shrine, enjoying some morning tea. However, Reimu couldn't entirely enjoy it - something had been bugging her for the past day or two.

"No, Marisa," Reimu explained, pointing to the top, "look at the date on this paper."

Marisa blinked, squinting at the date before nodding.

"Yeah, it says this was run four days ago." She looked to Reimu with a quizzical look. "I still don't get it. What, did your subscription get cancelled, ze?"

"That's just it." Reimu said with a shake of her head. "It's not just me. This is the most recent issue of the Bunbunmaru to be released."

"…Huh." Marisa stroked her chin, eyes closed in thought. "Yeah, that is a bit weird. Aya would never miss a day of printing, let alone four of 'em!"

"That's not all, though." Reimu said with a grim look.

"It's not, ze?"

* * *

"Mystia's gone missing!" Cried the ice fairy Cirno, looking actually frightened for once as she explained things to the two outside the Scarlet Devil mansion.

"And this Mystia is…?" Sakuya asked with a raised eyebrow.

"She's one of her friends, Sakuya-san." Meiling replied. She nodded to Cirno. "Okay, continue."

"It-It was the day after the Bunbunmaru didn't print!" Cirno pressed on, "Mystia got angry that she's been jipped out of a paper, so she left her stand!"

"…A shame." Sakuya muttered. "My lady actually enjoys the girl's grilled eel whenever I can get some…"

"It's my fault…!" Cirno moaned. "She asked me to come with her, but I said no! I was still mad that we hadn't found Rumia, and-and-and…!"

"Shhhh." Meiling hushed the fairy, setting a friendly hand on her shoulder. "It's okay. There's no need to get hysterical."

"Yes there is…" Cirno began. "I asked the shrine maiden, but she didn't help. And I've heard rumors from some of the not-strongest fairies…rumors say that whoever might have taken Mystia aren't really weak, either."

"Not weak, you say?" Sakuya stepped forward, intrigued. "Just how… 'not weak' are we speaking of?"

* * *

"Attacks? On human and youkai settlements?"

"That is correct."

Far, far away from any of the locations mentioned prior, a girl in green and a pale princess discussed matters on the porch of their estate, surrounded by cherry blossoms that never withered. The girl was being shadowed constantly by a wispy orb white as her hair, about the side of her lower body. In her hand was clutched a katana that she was practicing with, swinging it through the air with power and speed uncanny for a girl her size. The princess was an otherworldly beauty, covered in a powder blue gown that accented her ghostly skin. Her pink hair was kept by a blue hat bearing an odd, red spiral. She was covering her face with a black fan, eyes half-lidded as she spoke to the other.

The smaller girl's name is Youmu Konpaku. She is a half-ghost - a near-extinct breed these days. The orb that circles her like a beloved twin is her ghost half, whom she's come to call Myon.

Youmu is the gardener of this place, the chief of upkeep. However, that's not all - she is a master swordswoman, her speed and skill both legendary and bewared by even the likes of Reimu and Marisa.

The other woman is even more impressive. Few have ever met her alive, and even fewer have ever left her presence afterward. She might act a bit air headed at times, and she's an unrivaled glutton, but none can deny her power. With a touch that can instill death if she so wills it, Yuyuko Saigyouji, Princess of the Netherworld, is a specter to be feared.

Youmu is Yuyuko's servant, following the role her family has filled for ages. Yuyuko is and old friend of Yukari, her best friend actually - they go so far back that Yukari actually knew the ghost when she was alive.

"I don't suppose this has caused much unnecessary traffic, Lady Yuyuko?" Youmu asked, taking a sharp stab at the air, beneath a cherry blossom.

"Oh, hardly. Komachi's reported nothing of the sort." Yuyuko replied. "…Still."

"Still?" Youmu halted her practice. Whenever Yuyuko trailed off like that, it meant bad news. "What is it, my lady?"

"Hm. Oh, I don't know~." Yuyuko sang absent mindedly, fan fluttering in front of her face. "Perhaps I shouldn't tell~!"

"Please!" Youmu nearly shouted. However, at the raise of her mistresses' eyebrow, Youmu quickly straightened up and bowed meekly. "I am sorry, I didn't mean that! Please, what has happened?"

There was a pause.

"EEP!" Youmu shrieked as Yuyuko playfully ruffled her hair with her free hand.

"Oh-ho-ho, Youmu, you're so easily teased!" Yuyuko giggled as Youku went red with embarrassment. "Still, if you must know…"

Youmu kneeled before Yuyuko, awaiting her words.

"I can sense it. Many a soul involved in these raids have been pushed not all the way to, but quite near to the Sanzu River. It troubles me. This can only mean that dozens have been brought to the brink of death or injured quite badly by this force."

"Truly?" Youmu gasped, sitting rigidly at this information. "Dozens for _each_ attack? That seems far too large a number for just another territory battle…"

"Those were my thoughts." Yuyuko said with a whimsical smile. "Stop stealing my thoughts, Youmu. But anyway, there was word from one of our hells that something interesting has recently transpired. It makes me think something _big_ is going to happen~!"

"From one of the hells?" Youmu exclaimed. "Please, Lady Yuyuko, tell me!"

"Oh, if you're going to be so pushy." The ghost yawned. "But since you insist…"

* * *

_WHAT?_

"_WHAT?_"I shout, throwing my hands down on the table. "Okuu was _attacked_?"

"Indeed." Yukari nodded. "Now do you see, Ryan?"

Damn. It'd be one thing if it was just two missing birds, but…

These attacks…and someone infiltrated the reactor…

They went after the Hell Raven. This isn't just some kidnapping or series of riots.

"Yukari." I begin, now having the other two's attention. "We're staring down an incident, aren't we?"

"Yes we are." She responded, her serious face broken by a knowing smile.

Ah, I get it. I was heading off today, anyhow. I'm guessing Yukari wants me to tell the professional incident-solver, in other words, my "landlady". I stuff the last bit of McMuffin into my mouth, cauding Rin to giggle again while Ran attempts to tell her that this is impolite. Chewing rapidly and forcing the wad down, I turn to Yukari with an affirmative nod.

"Alright, you got it." I stand from the table, reaching for my weapons sitting beneath. "Soon as I head back to the Hakurei shrine, I'll get ahold of Reimu, and-"

"Ap-ap-ap." Yukari tuts.

…Muh?

"I never said anything about that, now did I?" Yukari says with a fake pout. "And here I thought you were wising up…"

OI!

"Hey, uncalled for!" I snap in a whiny fashion. In retrospect, not the best choice of response if one wants to be taken seriously.

"Ran, if you've finished, go make preparations." Yukari instructed her shikigami. Ran answered compliantly, then left the table to go to another room, Chen at her heels with a bit of milk dribbling from her mouth.

…Freaking adorable.

"Ryan. Eyes front."

Oh. Right. Sorry.

"Now, it's become quite clear to me that your power is not just what we thought it was at first. It has caused your to become far more flexible and versatile in how you conduct yourself, applying to not just body but mind as well. Granted, the change thus far hasn't been too immense - honestly, you've barely scratched at your potential for growth. However, I'm satisfied in the notion that you can now stand in Gensokyo on your own two feet. The deciding factor within this was your most recent triumph."

Right…I beat Flandre… But still!

"It was just a Spell Card battle." I insist. "And besides, you helped."

"Even Marisa had trouble with that one in a Spell Card match, and I've assisted Reimu multiple times in those battles before, both directly and indirectly." Yukari states firmly, though there's a hint of warmth in there. "You bested a high-class youkai, even if it wasn't in terms of power. You can handle this, I'm sure of it now."

"…Alright…?" I respond. Okay, Yukari, what are you driving at?

…

-! Unless-

"You know," Yukari began, standing from her chair, "you're the second outsider I've ever approved for this kind of thing. All the same, I feel it's necessary."

No. Freaking. Way.

"So, you don't want me going to Reimu, because…?" I say, unable to hide my grin behind my questioning tone.

"Why bother?" Yukari smiled, strolling over to me with an approving look. "You're going to be out there with her. I want you to help in resolving this incident."

* * *

"Well, shoot, ze!" Marisa grinned, standing up and rotating her arm, "you can count me in!"

"Marisa, I haven't even invited you." Reimu groaned.

"Well, tough." Marisa responded, stretching her legs. "We're best pals, right?"

"…" Reimu paused before speaking. "Admittedly."

"Exactly!" Marisa laughed, starting for her broom. "During that whole 'fake moon' thing with the moon people, you got to team up with the Gap Hag while I got stuck with Alice! Now, don't get me wrong- she's one hell of a magician, ze."

"Then why not go with her?" Reimu asked, concealing a bit of hope.

"Be-_caaaaauuuuse_," Marisa began, throwing an arm around Reimu's neck, "I wanted us to do the whole tag-team thing. Can you imagine how much hell the two of us can raise together?"

"I've…imagined it." Reimu said, a small smile forming at the corner of her lips.

"Ha-ha, that's more like it!" Marisa grinned. She went down the steps and hopped onto her broom, tilting the brim of her hat over her eyes. Her toothy grin shone beneath. "Well, whaddaya waiting for? Unless you want me to leave you behind?"

Reimu couldn't hide her smirk. For having little-to-no self-control, Marisa always knew just the thing to say to get someone to spring into action.

"As if." Reimu responded, Yin-Yang orbs appearing at her sides as she ascended. "Let's just hope you don't slow me down."

Nothing needed be said further.

The two inseparable friends had formed the first team.

* * *

"Ha-ha, SCORE!" I laughed, tearing up the stairs and flinging open the door to my temporary quarters.

I shouldn't be this excited, it's not healthy, but…oh, hells _yes!_ This is what I've been waiting for since I entered Gensokyo! Joining an ass-kicking campaign to save the little guy and kick the great and evil power that threatens them right in the jewels! _Adventure_, goddammit!

Not to mention, how much street cred could I get for beating the tar out of the punk who would threaten Gensokyo? Oh, I bet no youkai's gonna look at me like a doughnut -no offense, Flan- after this is over!

…Okay, so I don't know if I'll actually get to pound someone in the name of justice. Honestly? Who cares? It's a freaking adventure all the same!

"Okay," I mutter, gathering things to take. "Let's see…"

Claymore? Check.

Buster? Check.

Jacket? Check-a-rooney.

Cons? Checked again.

Oh, and my iPod! I'ma need some tunes for the road! Got it.

"Hey, Ran!" I call. I just realized, I'll need something to nosh on, or I'll never survive.

"Yes?" Comes the voice from another room. "I'm a little occupied, Ryan!"

"Sorry, but I have to ask, are there any bags of chips or fruits or anything around?" I ask in a shout. "I'll need some fuel for the trip."

* * *

"Sakuya-san, can't you just make the meals beforehand?" Meiling whined. If there's one thing she didn't want to have to deal with on this voyage, it was having to smell food cooking without behind able to tear into it right away.

"Certainly not." Sakuya responded with a roll of her eyes, stuffing various ingredients into a small sack from the kitchen stores. "We have no time. The Mistress commands that we set out as soon as possible to investigate these matters and punish those responsible. You never know if this unruly band will come knocking at our door looking to force us out, and I'd rather strike them at the source before they can see the opportunity."

"Excellent thinking, Sakuya." Came the velvet voice of the Scarlet Devil from the doorway. "The sooner the better. Although, you did leave instructions for Koakuma and the staff, yes?"

"Among recipes and other things." Sakuya answered, before adding a quick, "My lady."

"Remilia-sama," Meiling asked with worried eyes, "are you certain you do not wish me to remain here?"

"Hm." Remilia turned away, reconsidering her order. After some pondering, she returned to facing the guard. "No, it's for the best. This unknown group has been making very quick progress through the various settlements sprinkled about Gensokyo. The two of you should be able to deal with them without much hassle at a faster rate."

"Fear nothing, my lady." Sakuya stood upright, having collected what she needed, and bowed to her mistress.

"Hai, ojou-sama!" Meiling stood at attention, saluting firmly. "We won't disappoint you!"

"Good." Remilia replied with a twitch of a smile. "I'm counting on you two."

The guard and maid nodded. The second team was prepared to disembark.

* * *

"Whew. Thanks, Ran!" I call, starting down the stairs. Having reached the bottom, I throw the door open, and take my first step-

-wait, WAIT!

All the excitement, I totally forgot! Okuu got attacked! I'm sure she whooped the guy hard, but…even so!

"Yukari!" I shut the door and turn back, making for the living room. "Yukari, you there?"

I could see her right away as I rounded the corner. The great and mighty overseer was now, in essence, a raw couch potato, hazy eyes directed towards the plasma screen ahead of her. Good lord, she's practically sinking into the plush material, she's so lazy. I mean, we were just talking fifteen minutes ago!

…Well, now, what's this? An air horn?

Heh-heh-heh…

"Hey Yuk-aaaaaaaa-riiiii~?" I sing, edging closer.

"Whassahuh?"

_**PPPPHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!**_

"GYAHHHHHH!" The blonde shoots from her seat, literally! To my dismay, she opens a gap in the roof to keep from slamming her head into it, and sets the opening to the floor, eliminating any potential pain factor. Ah, now you're thinking with portals, Yukari!

"Ryan," Yukari begins slowly with a menacing tone, "you'd best have a very good reason for turning my own air horn on me."

"You want to hurl me through a gap?" I ask nonchalantly, tossing the can-horn off to the side. "If so, could you please aim it at the underground, Satori's place specifically?"

"…" Yukari's expression softens. Of course, I figured she'd get it right away. "Consider yourself lucky I appreciate the chivalry in your intent. Otherwise, I'd seal you in a dimension filled with respawning fairies?"

Erm…ah-ha… You're kidding right? Gulp.

"Th-The kind with the annoyingly high voices?" I ask. Yukari smirks deviously.

"Big time."

OH LORD, A NAVI DIMENSION! My ears, they already bleed!

Quick Man- erm…quick, man! To the floor!

"I'm sorry-I'm sorry-I'm sorry!" I three-peat, kneeling in Wily's "please forgive me" pose.

"Goodness," Ran muttered, coming around the corner, "what did you do to _him_?"

"Take note, Ran." Yukari grinned triumphantly. "Never underestimate the bargaining power of a fictional nuisance."

* * *

"Yes, My Lady." Youmu kneeled, taking her sword from the grass at her bent knee. "So long as you're certain."

Yuyuko smiled whimsically, drawing her fan up and covering half her face.

"Oh, Youmu, of course I'm sure!" Yuyuko hold her free hand forward, motioning towards empty air. "The last time we went out, it was to help my dear friend tie up some loose ends from the Lunar War. Oh, but shouldn't we be able to go have some fun with these amateurs who think they're tough, actually have fun for the sake of fun?"

"…Well, I never questioned you…" Youmu said in a hushed tone that she knew Yuyuko could hear. "B-But when you phrase it in such a way, I find myself with no reason to!"

Yuyuko narrowed her eyes.

"NOTTHATIHADREASONTOBEGINWITH!" Youmu shrieked, ducking a little.

Yuyuko sighed.

"Honestly, Youmu, you make me feel bad about teasing you when you get so riled up…" The ghost pouted. "well, anyway, we should be off…"

A blue line appeared in the air, from which wispy spirits began to leak out. Youmu went wide-eyed at the sight.

"Mistress…!" The gardener breathed.

"It was after seeing Yukari's trick so many times!" Yuyuko chirped proudly. "I figured out that I can open a similar rift…though they only link to my domain, and I can't tear them open willy-nilly. It takes too much energy, I could exorcise myself trying!"

Yuyuko floated down to Youmu, clutching the middle of her arm and causing her to yelp.

"So, in that case," Yuyuko continued, "We'll only open two: one for now, and one for the return, okay?"

"Y-Yes." Youmu finally spoke. "That seems perfectly fine…"

Yuyuko tugged on the half-ghost's arm, giving her enough reason to begin walking. Yuyuko's hand flicked slightly, causing the line to gape open, revealing a pitch black pit from which spirits lazily floated out.

Youmu made no words, but gulped nervously. For Yuyuko, it was understandable. After all, she'd never used this portal but once to return from Yukari's abode after a get-together. She wasn't even sure Youmu would be alright. Still, nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

"Oh-ho-ho…" Yuyuko shook her head lightly at her own mischief. "Let us be off."

"Understood."

The spectral pair stepped into the darkness. With a creaking groan, the portal slammed shut, and the third team was on their way.

* * *

"Waaaaagh!" I screamed helplessly, tumbling through the purple void. All of the eyes are curved upwards, as if a laughing mouth could fit beneath each pair. Fitting, since that was what Yukari was doing when she hurled me into it. Again. Oh, and here's the exit.

_**WHUNK-CRASH!**_

"OOF!" Thank you, table, for breaking my fall. Breaking my fall and not ripping into dangerous splinters when you collapsed. "Ugh…"

"Ah, Mr. Randa."

WHOASHIT SATORI.

"Gah!" I shoot to my feet, standing on the remains of a wooden table as the little youkai stares me down. Yeesh, talk about the worst luck with timing! She just had to be in this room!

…

Oh damnit, I forgot she reads minds!

"Please mind your language once you decide to start speaking." Satori said with that same blank expression. "I'm certain my staff would not appreciate it."

Oh…geez, well, I'm sorry.

Anyway, enough banter. I've gotta ask about-

"Utsuho?" Satori cut off my thoughts. "So, you've heard of the calamity the other day?"

Yeah. I did. Yukari sees a lot, y'know.

"She's not hurt, is she?" I ask, hopefully distracting from my sarcastic thoughts. "I wouldn't think anybody could really mess with her, but-"

"Okuu is completely unharmed." Satori explained with a faint smile. "Lucky for us, her attacker was horribly weak. Just some overeager rookie."

That's good. Still, I'm troubled. I'm sure you've heard about Aya and Mystia, and those attacks on humans and youkai alike?

"I see you share my sentiments." Satori nodded. "I can't help but shudder to think what their intentions are, even moreso why they're abducting powerful bird youkai."

Seriously. Aya's a liar, true, but in the end she's just a reporter trying to get by! And Mystia…she seemed so meek when I met her - any kind of powers aside. Then there's Okuu… Rrgh…

"Well, now!" Satori stepped forward, offering a hand. "You're certainly getting upset, and that's just pondering the possibilities."

"I can't help it, Miss Satori." I reply, taking the hand and stepping from the wrecked table. "My Tata- that is, my grandfather beat chivalry into my head from an early age. I just can't stand the thought of a lady getting picked on by some…ambitious weirdo."

"I see." She nodded, turning to the doorway. "Okuu!"

There was a bit of silence. In my hand, there's a slip of had said to give it to Satori, but now I'm wondering if this is a good time…

"…Hello?" Ah, there's Utsuho now! "Did you call, master?"

"Yes, could you come in here?" Satori faced me with a smile. "A certain young man is here to check on you."

"A man, you said?" Ustuho's voice paused. "Unyuu…"

"Were I you," Satroi began, "I would move away from the door."

Oh. Oh, criminy.

"Ah! Ryan!" A noise could be heard like rushing air. …I think I oughta move, but…

_**SLAM!**_

"Hiiiiii!" Utsuho hit me and hard, the impact turning into a monstrous glomp. Oh, and here comes the floor.

_**WHUMP!**_

"Ugh." I groan. That stung a little. Still, had I moved, she might've hit the wall or the table. We can't have that, of course. "Heya, Okuu!"

"You came to check on me?" Utsuho smiled broadly, her hands pushed against my chest to keep her upper body elevated. "And you kept your promise! Thank you~!"

"Eh, sure, that's alright!" I laugh sheepishly. I really don't want to start blushing in the position with Satori right there, so… "Okuu, could you get off, pal?"

"Alright!" Utsuho hopped to her feet, enabling me to sit up and brush the dust off. "Sorry! I'm just happy to see you!"

"Same here!" I get to my feet. It looks like Satori doesn't plan on leaving… H-Hey, what's with the suspicious glance? "Anyway, Utsuho, you weren't hurt, right?"

"Nope!" She lifted into the air, twisting around in a few circles. "See? His knife didn't even nick me!"

…

Nobody mentioned a knife.

…

Indignance.

Rising.

"Please calm yourself, Ryan." Satori ordered. Even in her face, I can detect some anger. "Anyway, as you can see, Utsuho is unharmed. Are you satisfied?"

Erg…might as well.

"Actually, have something for you, Miss Satori." I show her the paper. Satori glances at me curiously. "I haven't read it, if that's what you're reading me for."

"…Hmph." She seems irritated! Just goes to show, you can't find all your answers by reading others' minds!

"I am well aware." Satori mutters in response, unfolding the paper and beginning to read.

"Hey, Ryan!" Utsuho floats over to me, grinning. "Guess what happened five days ago! You'll never guess!"

I think I can, actually. And it'll be satisfying to hear from you.

"You pounded the sleaze ball who thought he could jump you?" I ask with a raised eyebrow. Utsuho giggles and nods eagerly. I can just feel the smirk creeping up my face. Serves the punk right.

"But that's not the best part! It's how I beat him!" Utsuho holds out a palm, and… A Spell Card? "I kept my promise too, see?"

-! Ah!

That must be her half, "Nuclear Nebula" !

That's great! She got to bust it out the day after I did!

"That's great! That makes two down!" I laugh, summoning my own to glance it over. "To think, now all we have to do is find some poor sucker to use the combined card on!"

…Eh? Why the air suddenly get…tense?

"You may get your chance." Satori mumbles in an unamused tone, roughly pocketing the paper. "You might."

What's that? What's eating her?

"You have been appointed by Yukari to help resolve this matter, correct?" Satori asks.

"Yeah," I nod, "why?"

Satori sighs harshly, and begins to pace back and forth. Dude, seriously, what's up with her?

"Master?" Okuu asks, slowly approaching her. "Are you okay?"

"No," Satori begins, finally turning back to us, "I'm not. Okuu, you are my cherished pet, and I don't like the idea of you taking any risks."

"Wait, risks?" I butt in. "What are we talking about, what does this have to do with the incident at hand?"

"Randa," Satori turns on me, her presence suddenly a much more imposing one. I can't help back take a worried step back. "you are bound to this sense of honor of yours, yes? You'd sooner be gutted than allow a misfortune to befall someone on your good side?"

Agh! Yes, yes, but why is that-

"Master, what are you saying?" Utsuho grabs her by the shoulders, pulling her into a hug. "Please calm down! You're really scary right now!"

…

There is silence. Satori inhales deeply, then softly exhales.

"…Forgive me. The both of you, please forgive my outburst." Satori makes her way over to a chair in the corner of the room and takes a seat. "It's just…I can't believe Yukari's insensitivity sometimes."

Alright. "Being the Man" Exercise No. 3, engage!

"Miss Satori, I don't know what this is about," I begin, kneeling a little when I remember she's pseudo-royalty, "but you have to believe me, I intend to see this through without causing harm to anyone as fast as I can."

"Master, you don't have to worry. Really!" Okuu steps forward. "That Chino person was really weak, and… I have a god's powers, right? I can beat up anyone, I'm sure of it!"

Satori chuckles weakly.

"Honestly, with how you two are talking, one might think you knew what the problem was." Satori faces us. "Very well. Ryan, and Okuu as well, Yukari has made a very sudden request of me…"

We stand in silence, awaiting what she says.

"…she has instructed me to send Utsuho with you on your journey."

…

I look to Utsuho. At the same time, she looks back to me.

The next sound in the room is shared by the two of us.

"_EEEEEEEEEEEEH?_"

* * *

"Whoo, that takes care of that!" I grin, slamming the green panel down. "Okuu, is that all of it?"

"Hold on a second!" The raven jams her control rod into a circular slot in the wall, a noise like a lock turning as a result. "…Okay! It's all set!"

Well, I hadn't expected this, of all things. Yukari wants Utsuho to accompany me!

**Satori**

**It has come to my attention that a rather ambitious group has taken it upon themselves to target various avian youkai for abuduction, your pet included. As such, I cannot let her be left in that reactor for hours at a time until this incident is resolved. If someone snuck in once, they will again, and there's no guarantee that the next intruder will be as weak as the last. If anyone got their hands on Utsuho Reiuji, Gensokyo's safety would be compromised - you know this. I have dispatched Ryan Randa to handle this matter, and there's no doubt in my mind Reimu and Marisa will be involved. My request of you is to send Utsuho with Ryan to deal with these radicals. Her power will allow for a swift victory, and as you know, her ability and Ryan's share a certain kinship. Just as well, I have my eyes on him and Reimu constantly. If she is in their presence, she is also in mine - and I will do all in my power to keep Gensokyo safe, which means keeping your pet from their clutches.**

**I know it seems like tossing her into the lion's den, but try to understand my reasoning. I should hope you make the wise choice in this matter. That it all.**

**-Yukari **

So, that was it. Satori saw us off -after promising me a painful fate should I betray her expectations- and it looks like I've got a great partner for this adventure! First we had to shut down the reactor, though. Okuu's been instructed in how to switch on the backup generators if she should ever leave, so that's what we're doing!

"Okay!" Utsuho giggled, lowering to my level. "The backup system is set!"

"Good to hear!" I grin with a thumbs-up. "So, I guess we're off!"

I turned for the exit when Utsuho caught my wrist.

"Wait, hold on!" She says. "isn't there something to do first?"

Erm, we just did that, actually.

What do you mean?" If I may so boldly inquire.

"We're partners now, right?" She asks. I nod dumbly. "Is there like a super-cool professional thing to make it official?"

Hm. Now that you mention it…

"Sure, if you want. We'll shake on it!" I extend my hand. "Partners?"

Utsuho beams and takes my hand, giving it the most well-manner adult shake she can.

"Indubitib…er, unquestio…" She stammers over intelligent words she can't quite place. "Ah, yes!"

Ha. My birdbrained partner and me. This is, without a doubt, the beginning of an… EGGCELLENT adventure.

"_**YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"**_

Oh, that joke only works if you have the sunglasses for it.

"Anyway," Utsuho blinks "where are we going?"

…Huh. Honestly, I hadn't given it much thought.

"Well…" I pause. "What about the forest of magic?"

"The forest?" She asks.

"Well, yeah!" I begin to explain. "It's a huge place that's like, right in the middle of Gensokyo. If there's any info to be found, I'll wager it's there."

"Oh." She puts a finger to her lip, thinking. "…Okay! Hee, sounds good!"

Alright, let's see some transport!

"Hey, YUKARI!" I shout to the roof of the cavern. "You getting this? Mind giving us a ride?"

There is no audible response, but a ribboned gap opens up in the air before us. Huh, quick response time!

"Thanks, Field Commander!" I shout before looking to Utsuho. "Alright, Okuu, you read-"

_**WOOSH!**_

"Waaah!" I cry out as Okuu come from behind, wrapping her arms around my middle and taking us into the air.

"Hee-hee! Yahoo!" She does a large loop in the air with me before aiming us towards the gap. "Team Super-Amazing is gooooooo~!"

…Wait, _I'm_ the hero-to-be that Yukari chose! I'm not about to be the handbag sidekick!

"Oi!" I whine, fighting her grip some. "Who says you get to make the team na-"

_**VORP!**_

And thus, we enter the gap.

* * *

**The theme of this chapter is "beginning an adventure" ! Truth be told, it was Pokemon White/Black that inspired me to play it up as I did, as well as how I myself would act. Y'know, food, clothes, entertainment, etcetera.**

**Our two new characters are Youmu and Yuyuko, and boy am I glad to finally get them in here. Yukari needs her bro around - it's just good comedy. Youmu will play some importance to the main plot, herself, so I needed her here. Sorry guys, but Sanae and Reisen are sitting down for now! Good guesses, though.**

**So, here's our team layout!**

**Reimu & Marisa - Heroine Team**

**Meiling & Sakuya - Devil's Team**

**Yuyuko & Youmu - Ghostly Team**

**Ryan & Okuu - Solar Team**

**These groups will be our heroes for this incident. Basically, Solar is the (obvious) main team. Devil's will be the friend/sidekick team. As for the other two, well - no. Ha, thought I'd spoil you all entirely, eh? Well, I say NAY! You'll just have to keep reading! Muh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa! …Ahem.**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!**


	18. Chapter 18

**LAST TIME on AVERAGE JOE Z**

**YUKARI alerted RYAN RANDA to the presence of a new INCIDENT on the horizon.**

**MEANWHILE, REI- *COUGH-COUGH***

**Screw it, I can't do the DBZ intro guy's voice. Anywho, readers, last time we left off, four groups of strong Gensokyo citizens embarked on a journey to see what, or more accurately "who", was behind the attacks on human and youkai settlements, as well as the disappearances of Mystia Lorelei and Aya Shameimaru. **

**Reimu Hakurei and Marisa Kirisame form the Heroine Team.**

**-The main characters of the series. They're female. They hurt people. 'Nuff said.-**

**Hong Meiling and Sakuya Izayoi of the SDM form Devil's Team**

**-Of course, the Scarlet Devil owns them both. Whatever they do, Remilia gets full credit for.-**

**The spectral princess and her servant, Yuyuko Saigyouji and Youmu Konpaku, form Ghostly Team.**

**-"Ghostly" because Youmu is half-ghost. To say the team is entirely ghost would be inaccurate.-**

**Last, but by no means least, our heroes Ryan Randa and Utsuho Reiuji form Solar Team.**

**-Ryan's strength comes from the sun in the sky, and Okuu's from the nuclear sun she embodies.- **

**Today, we pick back up with our imported oddball and exploding bird as they scour the forest for info, pick up a few clues, and run into a certain dollmaker who will either help or hinder their progress.**

**Showtime, readers!**

*A QUICK NOTE: DuoOmega, report to the bottom of the page. I repeat! DuoOmega, to the bottom of the page!*

* * *

Chapter 18: Alice in- No, The Joke's Too Obvious

"Hup!"

_**SLASH!**_

"Kyah!"

_**VOOOORM!**_

Whew…that's another wave of fairies down! Still, even though there's an incident on the rise and all, I have to say…

"Um…Utsuho?" I call to the bird on the opposite end of the small clearing, sword in hand. "These buggers are coming in just a little too thick, aren't they?"

"Muh?" Okuu glances over her shoulder, retracting her control rod's electrodes. She turns to me with an eager smile. "Yes, maybe. What about it, partner?"

Heh, it's adorable how much she's into this "partner" business. Then again, she never gets out much, right? I guess that's why she wouldn't understand that…

"Your gigantic lasers might actually be _attracting_ all of these fairies, you know." I deadpan. Okuu grins sheepishly. "Do you think you could…I dunno, turn it down a little?"

Utsuho puts a finger to her lower lip in thought, leaving me to tap my foot to the beat of "Afterlife" playing quietly on my earbuds. She opens a panel on her control rod, fiddling with a few of the buttons before sighing in defeat.

"Sorry, Ryan. I'm not good with changing how things come out of the control rod." She admits with an embarrassed look. She rubs the back of her head before continuing. "I always had Nitori to help with changing the cir…cir-cut-tree."

Nitori…she's mentioned that name before.

"This Nitori person is a kappa, right?" I ask. She nods. "Does she go to the underground to help with the reactor?"

"Yeah-huh! It's a big joint-project between the kappas and Lady Kanako, after all! Still, she never stays long." Utsuho balls up her fists in front of her chest and squeals a little. "She's really shy! It's so cute! You have to see it sometime!"

Well, now you have a whole bunch of images of shy lolis running through my mind. Oh, that can _not_ be healthy.

Brain bleach, gooooooo!

_**THWACK!**_

"Ah! Y-You just punched yourself!"

Yep. Brain bleach tastes suspiciously like copper, by the way.

"Never mind, never mind. It's cool." I say, taking a second to spit a drop of blood that resulted from my half-brained action. "So, kappas, right? You still got that map?"

Utsuho pauses to think for moment before snapping her fingers and reaching into her…wings? Can they really work like that?

"Got it!" She hovers over to me and hands over the rolled-up paper. "Here you go!"

Good thing about her "mom" being the ruler of an underground society: they always have maps handy in case a large-scale invasion of the surface is to be required. Now, unroll!

_**Fr-r-r-rap!**_

Right. Let's see… "Tengu Mountains", that'll be good for info. …Why's "Marisa's House" marked here?

…Ah! There we are! Kappa Riv-

_**Shhhhhhoom!**_

Oh, for fuck's sake.

"We're being attacked again!" Okuu shouts a little too eagerly, returning her arm to her control rod. More faires, and the little buggers burned a hole in the map. "Come on, let's get 'em!"

No less than twenty fairies are already above us, letting off randomly-directed danmkau while giggling like little imps, and more are coming out of the woodwork as we speak.

I peer back at the map. Friggin' figures, the danmaku shot burned through the location of the Kappa River.

There must be punishment.

CRANK UP THE TUNEAGE!

**-Cue Music ~ 20****th**** Anniversary Rockman Collection Rock Disc - Cutman mix-**

"Get some!" I pull my buster from its holster, letting off a series of five yellow bolts that tear through a cluster of the little buggers.

Okuu aims her weapon to the sky, allowing a small blade of light to form at its tip. She takes to the airs and begins to spin with her arm extended, carving though the fairies who come at the attack likes moths to flame. She finishes by stylishly flipping her cape in a Castlevania Dracula-esque fashion, letting out several small suns that incinerate the fairies remaining in front of her.

Oh, I'm not about to let my sidekick show me up!

_**Whirrrrrrrr…**_

"Oi, you lemmings!" I yell, catching the attention of all the fairies around Okuu. "Free shot, right here!"

"Heeheeheeheeheeee~!" Comes an evil, high-pitched chorus. They totally fell for it, even Utsuho looks confused.

You know, when the mark in my chest is glowing, it emits this nice little "bull's-eye" pattern. How fitting.

Charge Shot is go.

"**HADOUKEN!**"My Charge Shot rips free of the buster's muzzle, and just like that the irritating giggling has been replaced by ear-splitting squeals and "poof"s. Well now, doesn't Utsuho look shocked?

"You know," I begin with an evil little smirk, "I think that brings my count up to fifteen. How many were you at, eleven maybe?"

If this was an anime, there'd be a big pulsating vein on her forehead right now.

"Ooh…" Utsuho clenches a determined fist. "I won't lose to yooouuu…!"

Whuh-oh, she's getting riled up. Back to work!

_**Bang-bang-bang-bang-bang…**_

_**Vooooorrm-vooooorrm-vooooorrm…**_

The clearing's been transformed into what vaguely resembles a minefield, with bullets and lasers flying every which way.

"T-Twenty-three!" I call over the roaring shots, continuously hitting the trigger so as not to miss a single point.

"Ha!" Utsuho grins at me over her shoulder. "Twenty-five! I have the lead!"

What? Damnit, how's she get ahead of me with those slow-firing lasers?

If only there were more of me, I swear I'd-

_**THROB!**_

-Eh? My heart suddenly skipped a beat?

Gah! M-My head…feels cloudy…

…

"_Taboo Incarnate "Mirrored Catastrophe" !_ "

_**SHING!**_

"Agh! What the- ?" I grunt, clutching my head. Was that…a Spell Card? And did I say "Taboo" ? Where have I heard that sign before?

"Search me, bro, I ain't got a clue."

**-CUE RECORD SCRATCH - BREAK MUSIC-**

-!

…W-Was that…my voice…?

"Yeah. Dude. Like, right here." Comes my own voice directly to my left.

ZOINKS! It's me! A second me! He's got a buster and everything!

"Ryan, what's wrong? Did you give u- …Uh…uh…" Okuu stops herself upon seeing Me the Second. Even the fairies have stopped cold. "Uh… Unyuu…"

"Which one's the real one?" Comes a mutter within the crowd. "Do we attack them both, or…?"

"Dude. Like, why are you sitting there?" The second me asks with a disinterested look. "You wanted more of you. You got more of you. Wish, like, totally granted, dude. Let's whup up on 'em."

…

You are going to explain everything to me once we're done here. Lucky for me the fairies are too stupid to realize this change of pace hurts them.

"Done. Let's go." I whip my gun back out and fire into the crowd of cannon fodder, who quickly realize what's gone wrong.

"H-Hey!" Okuu whine, raising her control rod in a hurry. "No head starts, that's cheating!"

"Like, totally gnarly bro!" The already-annoying-me-clone spouts, pulling out his sword and acting like it's a guitar before charging into the fray. "RIGHTEOUS!"

* * *

**MEANWHILE**

_**Snap!**_

"…Ah?" A blonde girl suddenly sits up from her previous position, which was hunched over a small doll. She looks back and forth, as if expecting an attack at any moment. With nothing of the sort happening, she opts to return to her thread and needle, leaving off where the previous one broke.

…That is, before she realizes she wasn't imagining things.

"…Something's wrong." She mutters. "There was definitely an abnormally large surge of magical energy in the area just now…"

She stands and peeks out the window. In the distance, she can make out beaten and/or knocked out fairies being tossed into the forest at random before poofing out of existence. Yes, there was something going on, alright.

"I wonder." She puts her thumb and forefinger to her chin in thought a moment before coming to a decision. "…Shanghai."

At her command, a small black doll built to be a girl with blonde hair floats into view, looking up to its master with big, glassy eyes.

"Miss Alice?" Echoes a childish-sounding voice in the girl's head.

'My grimore." Alice commands, setting the doll aside as Shanghai picks up a considerably large book from a nearby table. She returns to Alice, handing her the book and an uncannily lifelike smile.

"Good girl." Alice pats the doll on the head, who responds by clenching her fists in front of her face with a happy squeal. Alice takes the book in the crook of her arm, and makes for the door.

She just hoped it wasn't Marisa this time.

* * *

"Hrrrrrraaaah!"

Me and my convincing double drive our claymores though a group of three fairies simultaneously, creating an uber-fancy "X" pattern going through them…you know, before they exploded and all.

"Right!" I sigh, sheathing my weapon once more and dusting off my pants. I turn towards my clone, who just stands there twirling around his sword. "It's time you gave me some answers."

Um… He's looking at me like I just said the dumbest thing in the world.

"…Dude." He groans, face palming. "Were you, like, paying attention to what you said at all when you used that Spell Card?"

Er… Not…really?

Whoops.

"…Your face totally says it all, broski." He says, shaking his head. "I came out of nowhere because that card came from-"

_**VOOORRRRM!**_

AGH! Wh-What the- ? A laser?

"Okuu!" I yell in shock. The raven is facing my copy's back, control rod raised and looking very intolerant. "Why did you do that?"

"…_Duuuuude…_" Eh? He's losing all his color! "_Like, totally uncool, maaaaaan…_"

_**SHATTER!**_

"Gahagh!" I hurl myself to the side to avoid being run through by the shards he's been reduced to, which explode violently every which way. "Ow…"

Utsuho flys over to my, giggling happily before making a "peace" sign… Oh, wait. That's "victory" in Japan, isn't it?

"Hee-hee! I got him!" Okuu twirls in the air, dismissing her control rod before punching at the air. "It serves him right! No evil twin is going to beat us! Right, partner?"

Evil twin? Hardly. …Something "evil" could have been said to create that copy, though… Well, "based off of" would be the correct term of phrase.

"_**Taboo "Four of a Kind" !**_**" **

A "Taboo" sign card, and it creates clones. This really isn't much of a thinker.

"Utsuho, that wasn't an evil twin." I state, starting to lift myself up before she grabs my sides and easily lifts me to my feet. "Oh, thanks. Anyways, that wasn't some evil copy, I think I actually created that thing."

"Unyuu? Really?" Okuu's face lights up, I'm guessing she's imagining what could've led to this. "Ah, cool~! Is that from energy-sucking? Does that mean I can do it to?"

Ugh, this'll take a while. Begin needless exposition area!

…Wait, what was that? Yeesh, I think as if I was in some cheap fan fiction or something of the like.

* * *

"Miss Alice, Miss Alice!"

"Shhh!" Alice puts a finger to her lips, forgetting for a second that only she can hear the doll anyway. The puppeteer crouches down by a bush peering around the corner. There, in a small, grassy clearing, sje can make out two shapes. One is solely bipedal without any odd protrusions of any kind.

…_Another lost human, maybe? _She ponders. Then, she notices a gleam of metal at his back. _Perhaps, but he's clearly armed. Now, what about the other one?_

Alice's eyes widen and her pupils constrict, caught off guard by an outrageous sight.

_U…Ustuho Reiuji? The Hell Raven who caused the Underground Incident? _She grits her teeth. _I remember helping guide Marisa during that time, along with that kappa and Patchouli… That bird is serious trouble._

"Miss Alice!" Comes Shanghai's incessant pleading again. "Please, look at this?"

"What is it Shang-" Alice stops herself upon seeing what her doll is holding. "-AH!"

Between Shanghai's stuffed hands lies an object that looks like it was cut from something, given the sharp point. However, after the point and drained of all color, there is a finger.

It couldn't have been a fairy's, they disappear entirely with every death before reforming. The human over in the clearing appeared to have all of his fingers, as well.

"Shanghai." Alice commands, wordlessly commanding one final inspection.

"It's still warm, Miss Alice." Shanghai says with a nod.

That was all the dollmaker needed. Quietly, she cracked open her grimore and readied her initial attack. Utsuho Reiuji was bad news, period. Also, she could have been involved with certain attacks that she'd been hearing of, involving "birdlike figures".

As for the human? A hired gun or an associate.

_Either way_, Alice confirms in her mind, _that finger Shanghai found, and all the random violence…these two need to leave here. I'll just remain concealed here until they've been scared off…_

* * *

"So, that's what it is?" Utsuho blinks in confusion. "You fight someone who's really strong compared to you, and when you win, you get one of their Spell Cards?"

"More like I form my own based on theirs." I say with a nod. "But yeah, that's the general idea. I'm leaning on calling it…"

Cue dramatic finger point!

"…a Copy Card System!" I declare loudly. Utsuho just stares. "Well? What do you think?"

"Unyuu." Utsuho says with a sigh. "It's not very catchy."

Oh, be quiet. You don't know what's catchy.

"So," Okuu floats up into the air, sitting on nothing, "do you wanna go to that mansion place to get the new card?"

Eh…first thing's first: We drop by Kappa River to meet the Nitori girl, than head by the Tengu Mountains to investiga-

_**Crk-crk-crk-crk…**_

What…is that mysterious ticking noise?

"Um, Ryan, do you hear something?" Utsuho cautiously glances about. "Some sort of ticking?"

"Yeah, actually." Not any fairy I've ever heard. I wonder what it could be…? "Not over here, not over there…"

…

"Kind of…catchy." I mutter.

_**Tmp-tmp-tmp…**_

-! To the left!

"Gyaah!" I flip to the side and land in a crouched position. "Watch out, Utsuho!"

Okuu just stares at the intruder before smiling lightly.

"What are you doing? You're about to get jumped by that-" …What the? "…Deadly…deadly…doll?"

There's…a blonde doll in a blue dress just standing there.

It can't be a youkai. Can it? I mean, a _doll youkai_, of all things?

"…Ah! So cuuuute!" Utsuho dives down and nabs the doll. She giggles, tossing it up and down before snuggling the toy against her face. She then turns back to me with big, shimmering eyes with the doll cuddled against her chest. "Can I keep it, Ryan? Please, please, please?"

"I'm not sure…" I answer. Really, I know that doll was not there when we got here. Did a fairy drop it, maybe? …No, couldn't be - that thing's half a fairy's size. But then, who dropped it and when? "Utsuho, that's probably stealing, and last I checked you're a youkai, not a witch."

"Aww…" The raven whines, loosening her grip a bit.

…

"Hee-hee-hee…"

Who just giggled?

-!

Someone is…!

"Okuu!" I yell, pointing in a specific direction. "There! Shoot there!"

Utsuho's gaze immediately averts to the area I point at. With the doll in one arm, she raises her control rod and fires a piercing, orange beam which disintegrates a row of bushes. Before the beam eats through the cover, a small figure launches out from behind, landing several meters away from us.

…EH? A human girl? Whoops!

"Utsuho, lower the rod!" I immediately shout so as to avoid an unfortunate casualty. She mutters a small "aw…" before complying. Now to make amends! "Hey, sorry about that. Are you okay?"

The girl is blonde with a red band in her hair. Beyond the shoulder-length strands is a dress that is blue and white in coloration, with some pink ribbons about the waist and neck. In her arm, there is a very thick book, and floating over her shoulder is…

…A-ha! A doll!

"I'm fine." The girl says, looking none too pleased. She appears to be looking us over. "Hm. What were you expecting, exactly?"

"Well, this is a forest in Gensokyo, so a youkai attack, above all else." I explain. The girl doesn't nod or shake her head, but continues to eye us intently. "Ah…something on my face?"

"Unyuu…" Ah! With that trademark sound, it can only mean something's wrong with Utsuho! I look over to see her staring right at the doll over the girl's shoulder. They seem to be of the same make, alright. "This must be yours…"

The girl glances over to her, thinking for a second.

…It's fine." She says without any hint of reluctance. "You can keep it."

What was that gleam in her eye just now?

Wait…her eyes are yellow? She's not human?

"Yay!" Okuu squeezes the doll to her chest. "I'm gonna take real good care of this!"

The blonde girl flinches some at that.

"Oh? R-Really now…?" She looks like she's mulling something over. "Maybe I should…no…"

_**Crk-crk-crk-crk-crk…**_

Ergh, that noise again! Where's it coming from?

"Well," The blonde girl begins, "I must be going."

It's been sounding ever since that girl got here!

"Hey, hold it!" I call, causing her to stop in her tracks. "Do you hear that ticking? Do you know what's causing it?"

"Ah…" The girl seems to freeze. "Wh-What ticking? I have no idea what you mean."

"Hey, Ryan!" Utsuho calls. I look over to see her cradling the doll with a worried expression. "It's coming form Little Okuu!"

Little Okuu? She's had that thing for no more than two minutes, and already-?

"You…named it already?" I deadpan. "And what do you mean?"

"The ticking!" She says. She turns to the blonde girl. "Hey, is there one of those clock things in here?"

"Ah, I-" The girl begins, still not facing us. "That's-"

A youkai girl who appears to be a doll fan, and a doll making ticking noises.

…

Oh, Jiminy Cricket.

"Okuu, let go of the doll!" I yell, tearing across the field. "Give it to me! Quick!"

"Eh~?" Utsuho hugs the doll to herself again. "Why are you-?"

Sorry about this, Utsuho, but it looks like Little Okuu's a trap!

I grab the doll from her with a swift yank, and hurl it into the air with an overhead toss.

"Ah!" the raven freaks out, grabbing me by the collar. "Why did you do tha-"

_**BOOOOOOOOM!**_

A magical explosion fills the air overhead with rings of light blue energy.

Utsuho slowly releases my shirt. I turn back to the youkai girl. She's once again facing us, now with a somewhat irritated expression.

I step towards her while Okuu looks towards the ground in a crestfallen manner, letting out a small "Unyuu…"

"Alright." I begin, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Let's skip the formalities and get right down to the main question: What the _hell?_"

"…It was an exploding doll." The girl responds, one eye shut. "I thought that to be obvious."

Utsuho hm's some at this, and makes her way over to where we are.

"But…that was really dangerous!" The raven exclaims, holding the eye in her chest with one hand. "Why would you let me keep something like that?"

The girl quickly shifts her eyes to the side for a split second. A sure sign of guilt.

"Why indeed." I add, narrowing my eyes. "Care to share?"

"I'm the one," The girl begins, taking a more assertive stance, "who should be asking questions. Do you know who that _creature_ is, sir?"

…"Creature", huh? We're only five minutes in, and you've already just grazed my "angry-time" button.

"Yeah. I do. She's my partner." I respond snappily. Come to think of it, wasn't that a very closed-doors incident, save for the parties involved? "Better question: how do you know who she is?"

"…Kh!" The blonde moves one foot back. "I hardly think that's much of your business."

Why so secretive? Okay, I've got a good hunch. Time to drive in the last nail.

"Hey, Okuu?" I call over my shoulder, never breaking eye contact from the girl. "That guy who attacked you said something about being part of a larger group, right?"

"Uh-huh!" She nods affirmatively. "He wouldn't stop talking about it! And when I beat him, he said he'd make me pay!"

"…Interesting." The blonde freezes at this. Hello, that's quite the reaction! "I wonder if he planned to do it personally, or…?"

"Ah!" The blonde shoots a hand over her mouth, eyes wide. "A-Are you accusing me of-? That is, I-…I-!"

Got you.

"Yah!" I bring my buster from it's holster and shoot a half-charged shot at the girl, who quickly slides to the side to avoid it. "Okuu, change of plans! We're getting some info right now"

"Hold on!" The girl shouts. "This is a big misunderstanding!"

"You gave me a doll you knew would blow up!" Okuu hisses, raising a hand to the air which begins to glow with a white energy. "You must be working for that 'Chino' guy!"

Alice lowers hear head slightly so that her hair hangs over her face, and a dangerous glint shines in her eye.

"…So it seems I was mistaken…" She mutters. "No matter. I intend to find out where this whole matter is based from!"

A flock of dolls appears behind the girl, each appearing in a white flash of light.

"My name is Alice Margatroid," She begins, lowering her hand towards us, "and once I'm done with you both, you're going to tell me everything you know about this 'Chino' you mentioned and whatever group he's with!"

…Though we don't know anything ourselves other than his name and there's a lot of birds involved… Fine!

"We're going to get you back, doll lady!" Utsuho yells, taking a battle stance.

"Right! You'd best believe it, Metroid!" I add, crouching with my buster in my hand.

"That's _Margatroid!_" Alice shouts, fists clenched in front of her chest.

Okuu takes to the air, I begin charging, and a wave of flying dolls looms over our heads.

Boss battle be-giiiiiiiiin~!

* * *

**MEANWHILE**

A cluster of wayward spirits crowd around a certain spot in what appears to be an abandoned village.

"_Human Sign "Slash of Present" !_"

_**Shlisssshhhh!**_

"_Ohwoohwoh….." _Comes the collective groan as a myriad of violent ghosts are cleaved through the middle by Youmu's sword.

"Ah…hah…" Youmu raises a hand to wipe the beads of sweat from her brow. "Goodness…Lady Yuyuko, were you aware there were so many earth-bound spirits left?"

Yuyuko emerges from the shadows of a large tree, fan in front of her face.

"Oh, I knew there were some," She begins, closing her fan and tapping her chin with it, "but this particular kind is so weak I barely care to keep track of how many there are!"

There is an awkward silence.

…_How can my mistress be so irresponsible? _Youmu thinks to herself, resisting the urge to facepalm.

"What's with that face?" Yuyuko pouts. "Youmu, are you doubting me?"

"N-No, never at all." Youmu quickly responds to avoid being "haunted" by her mistress. She glances around the area, giving a melancholy sigh. "Lady Yuyuko, I know you said there had been no casualties yet, but…"

Yuyuko drifts closer, surveying the area. Her face, for once, adopts a grim look.

"It's true." She begins, continuing to gaze about. "There is an abnormally large number of angry souls centering in this one, particular area. Perhaps some people here succumbed to lethal wounds following the initial attack?"

"Unforgivable…!" Youmu spits, whirling around to kneel to her mistress. "Lady Yuyuko, please tell me we will be able to punish the cultprits!"

"Well, now, I wonder~!" Yuyuko's face returns to the whimsical, nigh-clueless expression it normally has. "Will we be able to?"

"That should be for me to decide, shouldn't it?" Rings out a new voice.

"Eep!" Youmu shoots to her feet, sword in a defensive position. "L-Look out, my lady, it's a-"

She falls silent upon seeing the youkai standing behind a blissfully uncaring Yuyuko.

"…Miss _Yukari?_" Youmu finishes.

"Yuyuko, dear, it's been too long." Yukari states, strolling forward with her parasol. "Honestly, if not for Ran and Chen, I'd be dying of loneliness."

"Has it indeed?" Yuyuko stops to think. "Only three seasons. That isn't too unforgivable an absence, is it?"

"Oh, well, you know how it is." Yukari takes a seat on a gap, rising up to look Yuyuko in the face. "Still, are you intent on being involved in this incident?"

"Well, I'm already out here with nothing better to do!" Yuyuko smiles. "…That, and I'm sure you've noticed the souls drifting about."

"…Fair enough." Yukari concedes. She locks her fingers together and rests her chin on them. "In that case, there are some issues you must be brought up to speed with before I can let you go any further."

"Well," Yuyuko begins, reaching around Youmu's neck and drawing her closer, "_we_ have nothing else to attend to right now. Feel free to take your time!"

"Ah!" Youmu fights her mistress' headlock. "Lady Yuyuko, too tight…!"

"Very well." Yukari says with a smirk. "Let's begin with my latest…"project", shall we?"

* * *

**-Cue Music ~ Super Meat Boy - Battle of Lil' Slugger-**

"_War Sign "Little Legion" !_"

Alice's dolls spread out into two rows of eight, each drawing a small spear or firing danmaku shots.

"Eee!" Utsuho yelped, spinning to the right to avoid a cluster of three spear-wielding dolls divebombing the area where she had been recently. "Careful, Ryan! Those look pretty sharp!"

"No,_ really?_" I yell, ducking to the ground as a sharp point takes off a few strands of my hair. "Jesus, who makes dolls to do this?"

Alice growled lightly, clenching a fist.

"Beg pardon," She began, motioning a hand towards me, "but I'm _right here!_"

The dolls froze on the spot, and changed directions… Coming towards me! Damn! I didn't want to break out my only barrier this soon, but…

"_Colorful Sign "Rainbow Bar-_"

"_Nuclear Sign "Creeping Sun" !_"

Whoa! Okuu, outta nowhere!

A bright light breaks out in the sky above me, and orange suns begin to fall around my spot in a circular fashion. The dolls, of course, are incinerated in their mindless charge.

Well, now. Card broken and I didn't have to do a thing!

_**Psssssh!**_

"…Hm." Alice humph's, glaring at Utsuho. "Well, you're full of surprises."

"Thanks, partner!" I call to Utsuho, giving her a thumbs-up. "Saves me a Spell Card use!"

"Oh! Hee! Thanks!" Okuu responds, waving happily.

This partner thing is really paying o-

"_Curse Sign "Shanghai Doll" !_"

-off…what now?

_**ZORCH!**_

"Agh!" _What the hell_?

_**Whump!**_

Ow…ow…!

Freaking…laser…to the middle!

"Ah!" Utsuho flies over to me, grabbing my left arm. "Are you okay? That looks like it hurt!"

"Grah…what the…" With Okuu's help, I sit up and rub the sore spot on my body. Even though Spell Card battles leave no actual wounds…damn, that smarts! "You shot me with a _laser_? _Really_?"

"It's hardly my fault you two weren't paying attention." Alice speaks truthfully. Crap baskets. "You know, if you both are going to fight to like amateurs, you'd best call it quits now."

Okay. Insult hour over.

"Let me respond to that in the following way." I speak in a low voice, raising a hand towards her. "_Plasma Sign "Energy Volley" !_"

And suddenly, Charge Shots galore! Go, my minions, bound down the field and strike!

"_Crimson Sign "Holland Doll" !_" Alice shouts. A doll appears in front of her and fires a cross-shaped laser. The first shot the hit's the beam bounces off, crashing into the one behind it. "Ha! A predictable attack if I ever saw one!"

Wait! The beam that results, I'd forgotten about that!

"What about the second part?" I say with a sly grin.

"Second?" She mutters, her card fading while the Charge Shots come together. "What on earth are you-"

_**FWOOOM!**_

A blue pillar bursts into life, launching up before Alice and blowing her back from the shockwave.

"-Kh!" Alice shields herself with her arms, her black doll flying in front of her in an attempt to shield her. "Not bad…!"

I was hoping that'd do the job. Well, that just leaves me with an over-the-top danmaku barrage, a temporary shield, and a moronic clone I have no clue how to summon.

…Wait, where'd Utsuho go off to?

"Hey," I call over to Alice, who's recovering from the small shock, "you see where Okuu ran off to?"

It takes a moment for Alice to get what I'm saying before her eye starts twitching.

"W-What?" Alice's mouth hangs agape in pure disbelief. "We're in the middle of a match, and you're openly telling me you have no clue where your partner is?"

"I'm up here!" Comes Okuu's voice from the sky. I look up and sure enough, she's floating there with a cheery expression and a jovial wave. "Ryan, could you move, please?"

She motions to the air above her, within which a red mass begins to form. …Yeeeaaah, I might wanna skedaddle.

"Okay, she's all yours!" I call, running for the edge of the clearing.

"What are you doing, you coward?" Alice shrieks, forming a Spell Card in her hand. "_Doll "Futuristic Puppet"!_"

The doll over her shoulder begins to glow with a blue outline.

"Go, Shanghai!" Alice commands, and her doll comes after me with an angry look in her eyes.

"Ha! What's a doll going to-" I stop in mid-sentence when "Shanghai" pulls a bow and arrow from her dress. She takes aim at me with a _very_ steady hand. "…Okuu! Drop the frigging sun on her already!"

_**Twang!**_

YIPE!

"Crikey!" I yelp following an arrow lodging itself in my sleeve. Who in the world makes dolls with the express purpose of killing people, seriously?

_**Strrrrrrch!**_

Oh cripes. While I was having my freakout session, it gave Shanghai time to get a bead on my forehead at only a few yards' distance. That's…going to hurt.

"Utsuho! Your partner has a very sharp-looking object pointed at his head!" I call frantically, beads of sweat forming on my brow. "Any time now!"

What is she doing up there? Is she…sifting through her Spell Cards?

"Hm…" Okuu scans each one with her eyes, frowning a bit. "I'm not sure which one to use…"

Well, I didn't want to play this card, but…!

"Utsuho!" I yell. "The doll-girl in the corner said something mean about Satori!"

Okuu stop cold in her movement. She glares at Alice over the top of her cards, then slowly draws one from the middle.

"What?" Alice growls. "I said no such thing! Shanghai, hurry up over there!"

"_Crow Sign "Yatagarasu Dive"!_" Okuu's body is engulfed in a yellow blaze of energy that shapes itself into the shape of a large bird. "Don't insult master Satoriiiiiiiiiiii~!"

"W-Wait!" Alice freaks, quickly glancing from Shanghai to the quickly-descending Hell Raven. "Shanghai! Get back here! I need to dismiss the spell!"

Hold it. She can't move while the card's in effect?

…

…Well, that simplifies matters.

Utsuho falls towards Alice at a tremendous speed, arms spread in a glorious mountain drop.

"_Take thiiiiiiiiiis!_"

_**WHUMP!**_

…

Where's the-

_**KREEEEEEEEEESH!**_

There we go.

**-End Music-**

* * *

"So, that's the situation then?" Yuyuko asks for confirmation. Yukari nods.

"Correct. He and the Hell Raven have set off to look into this matter, as well as Sakuya Izayoi and Hong Meiling aside of the Scarlet Devil Mansion." Yukari states before pausing. "Oh, and of course, there's the usual two."

"So, four groups of two?" Youmu mutteres mostly to herself. "This is just like the last time."

"Yes, it is!" Yuyuko chirps before giving Yukari a sidelong glance accompanied by a knowing smile. "And like last time, I assume you know exactly who's responsible, hm~?"

"Oh, honestly, Yuyuko." Yukari says with an airy laugh. "Would I really keep such a secret from you?"

The area falls silent.

"…Well, I suppose I _would_," Yukari grumbles, correcting herself, "but then, you hid your new little portal trick from me, didn't you?"

"She has a point, Lady Yuyuko…" Youmu concedes.

Yuyuko floats in a circle, whimsically pondering the matter with a whimsical smile in her whimsical way.

Whimsically.

"Well, if I may ask one question?" Yuyuko asks with a finger raised in interjection. "How dangerous is this group, anyway?"

"Honestly?" Yukari yawns, covering her mouth as she does so, "We could leave this matter to the groups from the mansion as well as my ward and the bird, and it would be fine. Trust me, the offender has not thought this through as well as he thinks he has."

"Well, either way," Yuyuko begins, "I'd like to stay in this matter. After all, I might get seconds on that little sparrow from before!"

"Oh? Um…" Youmu fidgets uncomfortably at this. "If that's what you want, Lady Yu-"

"Hold on."

The two underworld inhabitants blink at Yukari's sudden statement.

"It's best if you don't, Yuyuko." Yukari states firmly. "It's likely she was abducted, anyway."

"Oh, but if she gets in our way, or hurts my little Youmu here," Yuyuko counters, smile twitching, "then it can't be helped! That's fair enough, isn't it?"

"Yuyuko." Yukari begins firmly. "You know what your method of 'eating' does to someone. Now, I overlooked it the first time, but the girl was wrecked emotionally by the ordeal. Friends though we are, I can't condone that again."

There was another silence, the "Queen Youkai" and Ghost Princess staring each other down.

"…Oh my, you're serious about this, aren't you? Ha-ha-ha…" Yuyuko broke the tension immediately. "Well, that's fine, I suppose. Plenty of other ways to have fun!"

Yukari remained quiet. There was something about Yuyuko's statement that didn't sit right with her.

"Come along, Youmu!" Yuyuko called, floating away from her old friend. "Plenty of ground to cover!"

"Of course!" Youmu responded, quickly regaining her bearings and taking off after the ghost. "It was nice to see you again, Miss Yukari!"

Yukari stood there a few moments further, lost in her thoughts. Finally, she came to a decision and nodded to herself.

She needed to discover the locations of the two missing youkai. More to the point, she needed to make sure Yuyuko hadn't…"crossed her fingers".

With that, the ancient youkai slipped through a gap, and was gone.

* * *

**Well, not exactly the most rocketing start, I'll admit. Still, mandatory Alice is mandatory, because I like her character. That, and she's one of the Imperishable Night crew, and needed to appear in this arc due to the numerous throwbacks to that game you'll see.**

**Anywho, more light to be shed! I told you back in Chapter Twelve what happened between Mystia and Yuyuko was going to come back. Take that, nonbelievers!**

**Also, real quick: **_**CONGRATULATIONS TO US ALL FOR ONE HUNDRED REVIEWS!**_

**Chapter Eighteen, EIGHTEEN and we've breached the hundo-mark! I already did a big thank-you two chapters ago at the end of arc one, so no huge message here, sorry. Don't worry, I'll make it an arc-by-arc deal, so you'll all get your dues.**

**However, on that note, Spellcard gets a shout-out for giving me what is to my knowledge my first reader recommendation! Welcome to Kingofrunes, hope you've enjoyed the show thus far and will stay with us the rest of the journey!**

…**Oh, right, music selections. The 20****th**** Anniversary Rockman Discs and the Super Meat Boy soundtrack both kick ass. Listen to them both, readers. Your Sasquatch commands you.**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!**

*DuoOmega, you still reading? Good. Now, I'll be sending a PM to your inbox soon. You get a story-influencing prize for being the hundredth reviewer! Look forward to it!*


	19. Chapter 19

_**Huzzah!**_

**The Sasquatch returneth with storytelling merriment, oh astute readers! And he can say there should be no more hiatuses! And why?**

**BECAUSE FINALS ARE OVER~!**

***Confetti rains down***

**Thank you, GLaDOS. Now then, with summer in full swing, my free time has increased substantially! This, of course, means my monthly chapter output will increase! In fact, I can say that by…oh, August perhaps, that I'll be in the mid-to-late thirties chapter-wise! Huzzah to you, O Merciful Summer Break!**

**Another note: DuoOmega has recognized the hundredth-reviewer prize, but has declined it on the grounds that he is perfectly satisfied with the story's current direction. So humble! We should all aspire to be so courteous, readers. A thanks for the compliment, it made my day when I saw it!**

**Without further ado, we now continue! Onwards, to chapter nineteen!**

* * *

Chapter 19: Master of Puppets- No, Not Metallica

We return to our story now, but in a much different location. Where we were once in the forest of magic, we now go to everyone's favorite protagonist powerhouse, Team Heroine! Reimu and Marisa, while Ryan and Okuu were closing things up with Alice, had decided to begin their investigation with the disappearance of Mystia Lorelei.

However, in doing so, they had invited the wrath of the least threatening alliance Gensokyo had ever known.

The leader is the ice fairy, Cirno. Her right-hand accomplice, in most situations, is Wriggle Nightbug - the "insect queen". Typically following in terms of command would be Mystia, but…well, y'know. After her would be none other than the apparition who typically stalks the night, Rumia.

…Oh, yes. There is another fairy named Daiyousei who acts as Cirno's sidekick. That's about it.

This group of five, occasionally six with Chen, is notorious throughout Gensokyo as a group of youkai pranksters, one that exists for the express purpose of amassing the dumbest morons who ever lived…with possible exception of Daiyousei.

They are mischievous. They are the mandatory comic relief antagonists.

But, above all?

They are a massive pain in Reimu's ass.

"What a joke…!" Reimu growled. She flung her gohei upwards, sending Wriggle spiraling through the air, having countered the dreaded "Wriggle Kick" . However, the bug wasn't through quite yet, and summoned an umpteenth horde of fireflies to bombard Reimu.

…Of course, this would have been far more effective had Reimu still been in her previous location.

"-Ah!" Wriggle's eyes darted about, scanning the area for traces of the miko. "Wh-Where'd you go, Hakurei?"

This question was soon answered.

_**CRRRRRACK!**_

It was answered by Reimu's foot crashing into the boyish youkai's face from a gap to the side, but answered none the less.

"Ack!" Wriggle spiraled away before crashing into a tree. However, hardly as she was, Nightbug flipped off the bark to recover, summoning more of her drones to attack the shrine maiden.

"Honestly, all we came to ask…" Reimu began, strafing out of harm's way and sending a wave of danmaku that Wriggle narrowly avoided, "was a few questions to help your friend, and what do we get?"

"Hey, who's complaining?" Came an objecting voice.

Marisa said this while having grabbed Daiyousei by the scruff of her neck, parrying Cirno's ice sword with her broom in an impressive-looking display of fencing skills.

"Just means we get some target practice early on." Marisa continued, grinning devilishly. Cirno growled and began to swing her sword furiously, Marisa blocking her every time.

"Let - Dai - go - now!" Cirno spoke, getting out each word with each swing. "I won't forgive you for picking on her!"

Marisa, finally growing bored with Cirno's useless assault, struck the ice fairy down with a powerful overhead swing. Cirno bounced along the ground, nearly losing her weapon from her grip.

"Yeah, yeah, there's a lot you 'won't forgive', ze." Marisa shrugged, tossing the dazed Dai off to the side. "Anyway, not my fault she can't fight worth a damn."

"Hey…! -Ow." Dai whined before her twinge of pain cut her off. She sat up, holding her arm gingerly. "Cirno, maybe we should just tell them what we know? This isn't looking good…"

"No way! Eye'm the strongest one there is!" Cirno said, now smirking as she faced down Marisa. "Or do I need to beat you again to prove it?"

All fell silent.

Reimu and Wriggle stopped their fight, frozen in their current positions. The air had suddenly grown a hell of a lot denser.

"Eh-he-he-he-he-he…" Came a quiet cackling from the witch. "Yeah, you _did_ beat me before, didn't you?"

"Yes I did!" Cirno cried proudly, fists at her hips, "because I'm the strongest!"

"Really?" Marisa asked. "Could've sworn you were the _sparked_."

"What?"

_**BERKOOOOOOOW!**_

Cirno had perhaps half a second in which she dived to the ground before a Master Spark ripped through the air above her. In retrospect, she realized that perhaps she should've kept the taunting to a minimum.

* * *

After our spat, Alice led us to her home. There, we agreed to take a more diplomatic approach, and explain what we knew to each other. Alice, seeing as she lost, spilled that basically she knew little more than the rumored attacks on various settlements throughout Gensokyo. She just ambushed us -or failed to, rather- because she thought we might have had ill intentions for the forest. Seeing as she is definitely not our enemy, me and Okuu agreed to share what we know. So, we've been sitting at the dining room table, telling our story thus far.

"…So, that's the situation, as far as we know." I finish my long exposition. Alice nods sagely.

"It's a shame there's not more to go by." She sighs, standing from her chair. "Utsuho, isn't there anything else you could tell us?"

Okuu cups her chin in her chair.

"Hm…no, sorry." She shrugs. "All I know is that the person who attacked me is all obsessed with-…with…"

Utsuho paused. Then, the eye in her chest glowed faintly, and she snapped her fingers.

"Oh, right!" She giggled. "Avian superiority, whatever that means! Thanks!"

Me and Alice both stare at her a moment. Okuu blinks blankly at our stares.

"…Um…" Alice begins hesitantly, "Exactly who were you thanking just now?"

"Wh-Wha?" Okuu shouts, nearly falling out of her chair as she leans back. Quick as can be, she scrapes together her shattered composure. "Um, I-I wasn't thanking anyone. That's silly. You're silly."

Hm. I know I heard her say something… Well, it's best to leave it lie, for now. Just looking at Alice, I can tell she still isn't too keen on Utsuho being an incident resolution assistant. I ought to change the subject before she calls Okuu's lie.

"Anyway," I begin, clasping my hands together on the table, "now that we're on the same page, how do you know Okuu here, anyway?"

"Come to think of it," Okuu jumps in, scratching the back of her head, "you sound kind of familiar."

Alice sighs in resignation. She raises her eyes to meet Okuu's, for now ignoring that I'm even here.

Oh, jeez. Don't tell me it was from _then_.

"Actually, in a sense, we've met. It was during your…episode." Alice explains, her eyes showing a hint of regret. "I was helping guide Marisa at the time. The witch, I mean. You were…lost for better judgment, to put it mildly."

Thank you, almighty jinx. You do your work so well, you even penetrate my thoughts.

Praise be to the jinx.

"…Oh." The raven, draws back a bit, as if she was just dealt an insult, like "fatty". Or "adopted". Or both. "I guess Marisa's your friend then? And I kind of… Unyuu…"

Okuu looks towards the table, head hanging slightly. …I guess she's still sensitive about this. Hell, who wouldn't be? That incident is probably her biggest regret in life thus far. I really don't like seeing her like this, so…

"Easy, now." I say in a soft tone, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Remember, that's not you. Nobody here is really trying to bring that back up."

Utsuho looks to me and smiles. Right away her posture straightens, and she's looking much chipper.

"Hee. Thanks, partner." She turns back to Alice, prompting me to take my hand back. "Now I remember, you were talking to her through something! I thought your voice was familiar!"

Hm. I guess Alice and Marisa must be pretty good-

"Don't get me wrong!" Alice quickly blurts, glancing to the side. "It's not like I consider her my friend!"

…Or not. Y'know, whatever works!

"Still," I chime in, stroking my chin some, "you seem very familiar with her. Is there something you're not sharing with us?"

Alice sighs and shrugs in defeat.

"I suppose… We worked together in resolving an incident once, you see." Alice explains. "Even so, that was solely a means to an end."

Okuu looks a skeptical. Honestly, I don't blame her. Alice is really forcing herself to speak negatively when it comes to Marisa.

* * *

Speaking of Marisa, the witch was currently laying waste to the outskirts of Misty Lake. Just an update on the situation.

"Alright, Marisa, enough playing around!" Reimu called over her continued firefight with Wriggle, who was struggling to keep up. "This is fun and all, but now we're wasting time!"

"Oh, no-no-_no_." Marisa insisted, another rainbow-colored laser erupting from her mini-hakkero. "Icy here thinks she's seen my _real_ lasers. I wanna _show_ her my real lasers. It's a _learning_ experience, ze."

Cirno wasn't even on what could pass for the defensive, now. Her primary focus was simply hiding behind whatever she could every few seconds to avoid being atomized by the calm-yet-furious witch. Yeah, she really should've kept her past "win" to herself.

"Hey, Cirno?"

The nineball in question, having escaped Marisa's field of view for a few moments, turned to face Dai, who happened to be behind the same large rock she'd chosen for cover.

"Agh! What is it?" Cirno hissed. "Can't you see I'm wearing her down?"

"Um…yeeeeaaaah…" Daiyousei deadpanned. "A-Anyway, that's not the point. Listen, one of the other fairies came by after I got tossed away. Someone beat her and a whole bunch of others up - pretty bad, too."

"What? D'oh…!" Cirno winced, trying to chose between getting one over on Hakurei and the witch, or addressing one of her responsibilities as the self-appointed strongest fairy. "Can you tell her to come by another time? Like, tonight or tomorrow? This isn't that easy to wrap up!"

"B-But…" Dai stuttered, eyes big and watery. "She got blasted to bits after you got Marisa angry…"

_**BERKOOOOOOOW!**_

And just like that, the conversation was over. Just like the rock that no longer could be proven had ever existed.

"There she is!" Marisa laughed. "Come on, what're you hiding for? Not a problem, right~, ze?"

Reimu groaned, face palming while grazing a haze of bright yellow danmaku bullets. This was going to take a while.

* * *

"So, you and that witch?" Okuu asks, confusion showing on her face. "That's funny. She was with that shrine maiden lady when I was causing trouble."

"That was a unique incident, actually." Alice elaborates, giving Okuu an approving nod. "There were four groups of two who worked to handle it. There was Marisa and myself, for one, as well as Reimu and Miss Yukari."

What the-? Yukari's worked with Reimu in person before?

"…_**and I've assisted Reimu multiple times in those battles before, both directly and indirectly."**_

Huh. Well, that answers one question, but raises a few others…

"…the others were the teams of the Scarlet Devil and her maid, as well as those two ghosts from the netherworld."

"Scarlet Devil…" Utsuho echoes. She then smiles and looks towards me. "Oh! Like that mansion where your friend is, right?"

"Yeah…" I respond, not really focused. This is seeming kind of…funny. First Yukari, now Remilia, both of whom were among the first I met here… "What was that about a pair from the netherworld?"

Alice smiles some at this question.

"You two are asking all the right things, aren't you?" She then adopts a more professional expression. "That team was the pair of the princess Yuyuko Saigyouji and her gardener, Youmu Konpaku."

My face scrunches some. Er…a princess and a gardener?

"Don't take that look. They're not to be trifled with." Alice reprimands me, visibly upset that I would make light of this. "Yuyuko is the mistress of the dead. I've heard she is able to inflict death with a touch, and apparently she's a long-time friend of Miss Yukari. Her gardener is not just some mere hedge-trimmer either - she's perhaps the most lethal swordswoman in all Gensokyo."

Alice finishes her statement with the grimmest expression you'd ever see, her bangs hanging over those golden eyes.

…Gulp. Either her expression or the idea of someone powerful enough to be besties with Yukari is unnerving me quite a bit. I wonder what they look like, how they fight… And is this Youmu a kindly servant like Ran, or extra strict?

Because now that I know this person is Yukari's pal, I know I'm going to meet her, it's really not up for debate on my part. So I hope that the "most lethal swordswoman in all Gensokyo" isn't trigger-happy with sharp things.

"I-I'm guessing you and Marisa traded blows with them." I respond. It wasn't a question.

"Believe me," Alice retorts, "She's Yukari's friend for a reason. She can toy with you while completely destroying your defenses."

Yeah, th-that sounds like someone my benefactor would hang out with.

"Hmph."

Wha…? Okuu's folded her arms and is staring to the side. She looks…pretty peeved.

"That's not so bad." She pouts. "Me and Ryan could beat them."

Jeez…I've never seen her genuinely offended before.

"Okuu?" I ask. She looks over to me, a tinge of pink on her cheeks. She clasps her hands together behind her back.

"Well…well, we _could_." She insists, not looking me in the eye. "Unyuu…"

I begin reaching towards her shoulder, but I'm not really sure what to say. I mean, should I give her false hope and say we can beat anyone, or…?

"Well, now!" Comes a mock gasp.

What? Oh yeah, Alice kind of exists, still.

"Don't you two seem close?" She says to me, a teasing smirk on her lips. "Perhaps I should give you a moment?"

GAH! Teasing with romantic insinuations! MY ONE WEAKNESS!

"Hold on now!" I blurt, slamming my palms on the table with what I'm sure is a very red face. "Let's not jump to conclusions! Ah-ha-ha…?"

Alice covers her mouth with her hand, trying to muffle the laughter that spills out.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Wait, that one's not Alice.

Egad! Okuu! You're laughing at me, too?

"You look really silly." The raven giggles, the tip of her tongue poking out between her lips. "You should do that more, Ryan, it's funny!"

I'm just…going to curl up into a ball or something. This is what I get for teasing Koakuma before, I suppose.

I'll get you, Gadget! Erm, I mean karma!

"A-Anyway…" I start, coughing loudly to clear my throat, "I find it a bit strange that all you managed to meet up with all the other groups at some point."

"Well," Alice sighs, standing up, "we didn't all actually meet in a single place until after the initial incident was resolved."

…Wait, _initial_ incident? It was extended somehow?

"That's kind of weird." Okuu says, I'm guessing mostly to herself, the tip of her index finger on her lips. "Why would you all go out again after it all had been handled?"

Alice opens her mouth to speak, but stops herself in the act.

"…I'm not sure it's my place to say." She speaks, fiddling with her blouse a bit. "After all, that was a matter between the offenders and Yukari, mostly."

Oh, great. I can tell already she's said all that she cares to.

Drat. So, we're back to square one.

"Hold on!"

What in the-?

I look up to see Okuu with her palms on the table, a determined expression on her face.

"Utsuho," I address her, confused as I've ever been, "what're you…?"

"These people must really know this Yukari lady well, right?" She elaborates. "That's why she and that Yuyuko person were both in the incident!"

"…Yes, actually." Alice answers. "Your point being?"

"Well, I'm not really sure…" Okuu mutters, twiddling her thumbs and breaking her streak for a moment. "…But wouldn't that mean they haven't been attacked?"

-!

Is she saying…?

"Ryan," She turns towards me, "Miss Yukari would have told you if someone she knew like that had been attacked by these people, right?"

Th-That's right! I don't know Yukari that well, but I can say she would have at least told me to go there right away if someone she knew personally had been a victim!

"So," I start, going off of Okuu's line of logic, "there might be some reason that they haven't been targeted!"

"Yeah!" My partner nods eagerly. "It kind of stuck out to me!"

Alice ponders this matter, a finger tapping her forehead.

"…That place does have quite a history." She finally speaks. "You might actually be onto something."

Huzzah! Clue get! I clench a fist in determination while Okuu claps happily to herself. Finally, we've got something to work with!

* * *

"Hah…hah…"

Marisa wipes a bit of sweat from her brow with the back of her hand, panting heavily as she clutches the mini-hakkero with the other.

"…Heh…well?" She grins expectantly. "I ain't heard nothin' in a while…bet you've been blasted but good, huh?"

There is a few moments of quiet before Cirno slowly peeks out from behind a remaining tree. Marisa's left eye twitches.

"You-…that's not-…" She continues on this way, stammering in pure disbelief. Honestly, one could hardly blame her - she seemed to have hit everything _but_ Cirno.

Meanwhile, off to the side, Wriggle howls in pain at the same time that Reimu yawns loudly.

"Are you quite done over there?" Reimu calls, having not only beaten Wriggle by this point, but is sitting on the unfortunate bug's back, painfully stretching her leg backwards. "I'm starting to get bored over here."

"Yeeeowch!" Wriggle whines, her eyes tearing up. "O-O-Okay, I give! Uncle, _uncle_!"

"Psst…hey!" Dai calls to Cirno from behind a small rock. Oddly enough, the thing's so small one would wonder how on earth it could conceal her body. But, regardless. "Can I talk to you, real quick?"

Cirno takes a few cautious steps to see the still-stupified Marisa's reaction, which is to say none at all. Seeing this as fortuitous, Cirno takes off to where Dai is.

Meanwhile, in Marisa's imagination, she is consistently blasting Cirno's smug mug point-blank with her Master Spark again and again, reaching into the twenties of times.

"What is it?" Cirno asked, after sighing in relief. "I told you I'll get to that thing later!"

"Well, I know." Dai responds, smiling sheepishly. "It's just, I've got info on who it was."

Cirno glances over her shoulder to check the situation. Marisa is still twitching in the sparking position, muttering "die, fairy, die", while Reimu is halfheartedly asking if she needs to lie down for a moment.

"…Okay, lay it on me." Cirno nods.

"Right. The first one was this bird youkai who had a cape and a big stick for an arm." Dai elaborates.

Cirno closed her eyes in thought. Why did that both seem familiar and secretly terrify her?

"The second," Dai went on, "was a human guy. He had a big sword and a strange danmaku-shooting weapon."

Cirno's eyes snapped open.

"Er…what's up?" Daitousei asked. "Do you know him?"

Now it was Cirno's turn to eye-twitch. He teeth began to bear themselves in a snarl.

"Ah…Cirno?"

The following cry echoed throughout most of the forest.

"_**RAN-DAAAAAAAAAAAA!**_"

* * *

"Thanks again for all your help, Alice." I say for the third time, offering a hand to be shaken. "And sorry about the whole us-beating-you-up thing. No hard feelings?"

"Oh, none at all." Alice responded, taking my hand with a warm smile. "At the very least, you had reason due to how thoughtlessly I acted. Reimu would have attacked me simply because I was in her field of view!"

Heh! Yeah, that sounds like Reimu.

There was a sound of footsteps as Okuu came down from upstairs, followed by Shanghai.

"Thanks for marking that place on our map!" She beamed, bowing respectfully. She took it out from its somehow-still-holding place in her wings, showing it to Alice. I swear, I still don't see how that works. "This is it, right?"

Alice looks over the map before nodding.

"Yes, that's the path to Eintei." She turned towards Shanghai. "Good work on your part."

The doll accepted a pat on the head, making a giggling motion. It's pretty cute, once you get past the kind-of-creepy fact that Alice is essentially treating a removed piece of her own consciousness like a child. Regardless!

"Now, listen," Alice goes on, addressing Okuu, "you're more attuned to finding direction better than Ryan is -no offense- due to your heightened senses. Do you understand so far?"

"Hm…" Okuu thinks a little too deeply on this. "Yeah, kinda!"

"This place, where you'll be passing through, is entirely designed for the sole sake of getting travelers lost." Alice explains. "It will be up to you to get the both of you through safely."

Okuu nods affirmatively, pounding a fist to her chest.

"Don't worry! I'll be real good at it!" She proclaims, before letting out a small "unyuu" of pain from hitting herself. "Y-Yeah, I can handle it!"

"Ryan." Alice turns towards me. "There is one ultimately important piece of information you must remember when passing through the Bamboo Forest, over all else."

Uh-oh. I don't like the tone she's taking.

"It is the greatest of dangers to humans in that place." She says. "Not heeding my words will _cost you your mind._"

My…mind? Oh dear, this is just all going downhill, isn't it?

"If you ever, ever see what appears to be a pair of red eyes in the thicket, you must look away _immediately _and instruct Utsuho to scare off that figure." She commands. "You need to know this, if nothing else. I'd hate for your psyche to be destroyed."

"Instruct Utsuho to scare it off" , huh?

…I was hoping this wouldn't become an issue, but…

"Ryan?" My companion asks, floating over to me and waving her hand in my face. "Yoo-hoo? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine!" I hastily respond, not wanting to worry anyone. "Anyways, it's getting late. We ought to head to the Scarlet Devil Mansion, first. At least I know we have a place to stay the night, there."

"Are you sure?" Alice asks, her eyes showing a slight worry. "You may stay here, if it's too much for one night."

"That's okay!" Okuu answers for us. "If anything tries to hurt us, I'll just blow them up!"

Alice sighs in resignation, realizing we're leaving no matter what.

"…I'm sure you will." She says. "Take care…and bring and end to this nonsense quickly, will you?"

I chuckle lightly and give a two-finger salute, Okuu already heading for the door.

"Sure thing." I respond. Okuu heads through the door, motioning for me to follow, and flies out of sight. "See you, Alice!"

Alice nods slowly.

"Wait, just hold on for a second." She says quickly.

"Huh?" I stop, looking over my shoulder. "What is it?"

"I know." She says, a sad smile on her face. "I used to be human. I know what's bothering you."

…

I don't say anything, but look back towards the outside, where my partner's waiting for me.

"I know that it's frustrating, but try to understand." Alice continues from behind me. "Gensokyo _is_ a place for youkai, after all. There are times when this sort of thing is going to happen. It just…can't be helped."

…

Huh.

"Yeah, I understand it." I finally respond, looking at her once more. "Still, it doesn't mean I have to accept it."

"Hold on!" Alice exclaims. "That's fine and good, but it's not an excuse to do anything stupid!"

"Ha, yeah, I'm sure I'd get the same from Yukari." I grin. "See you when we've gotten to the bottom of this, Alice."

That being said, I head through the door, where Okuu is waiting with her hands behind her back.

"What was that about?" She asks. "Did you forget anything?"

"Nah." I smile. Reaching inside the back of my jacket, I pull out a bag with various foodstuffs Ran had been nice enough to prepare. Reaching inside, I pull out an apple. "Hey, heads up!"

Utsuho's expression lights up, and she is all-too happy to catch the fruit I toss to her.

"Ooh, thank you~!" She sings with glee before taking a generous bite of the apple. Meanwhile, I pull out a Swiss Roll and begin to unwrap it. "How much do you have in there?"

"Not much, but enough to last until we can restock. Anyways, Okuu," I change the subject, freeing the chocolate treat from it's plastic prison, "Who were you talking to?"

"Muh?" She says, cheeks full. She swallows the pulp and coughs before nervously clarifying. "What do you mean?"

"Back there, when we were at Alice's?" I ask. "You were looking for a certain terminology, then you thanked someone?"

"Oh, that? That was just," She pauses to quickly bite her apple. She then, with a mouth full, makes random gibberish noises, trying to fool me into thinking she's explaining it all, but it's just that I can't understand her.

…Eh, whatever. I'm sure it's nothing too important.

* * *

Cirno was now just a dot off in the distance, livid and ready to fight her "greatest archrival", as she put it.

Daiyousei was slumped over on the ground, eyes swirling and moaning in a daze.

This, of course, left poor Wriggle all by her lonesome. Her lonesome, in this case, currently being stared down by the most effective incident resolution specialists, who were both just looking like they needed an excuse to hit someone.

"So," Reimu began, her gohei gripped dangerously tight, "let's try this again. What can you tell us about what happened to Mystia?"

"Unless you don't wanna." Marisa added with a shrug. "You can take Cirno's place if that's what you want, ze."

Wriggle groaned, preparing to spill everything, and wondered to herself how in the hell the humans could consider these two heroines.

* * *

Alice took one last look out the window. Ryan and Utsuho appeared to be sharing a snack, once again in high spirits. She smiled and hoped sincerely that their good mood continued, otherwise the young Randa might do something stupid to prove something to himself.

In any case, she thought, whether he admitted it or not, Utsuho was much more powerful than him - but there was no shame in it, really. The Hell Raven was stronger than most in Gensokyo, likely enough even to give the mountain gods a good match.

However, she'd grown quite a bit, too. In mannerisms, that is. She still seemed to approach everything with some childlike tendencies, but had a clear grasp of how to speak to others and behave civilly. Alice shook her head, chuckling lightly when she realized how, when she first approached them, she was certain that nothing had changed. How embarrassing for someone of her intellectual caliber!

Alice went over to a wooden table, where the remains of a doll were sitting.

If nothing else, repairing the short-lived "Little Okuu" would serve as a suitable apology.

* * *

**And in this chapter…NOTHING HAPPENED!**

**Actually, some things did happen if you squint a little. Reimu and Marisa definitely began their journey, a clue was formed connecting Eintei to the current incident, some character development occurred, and Team Nine got decimated.**

**Writing for Heroine Team's side of the chapter was fun, I won't lie. The reason is, when you have such a mismatched battle, it can really go any way. The bottom line, of course, is that Reimu and Marisa win, but what happens on the road to that victory is what makes the battle so much more interesting. Honestly, I think that this more "comedic" style of match suits my writing more. However, there are some serious moments in this story, like the fight with Flandre, and that will require a no-nonsense battle format.**

**Ryan's feeling a bit inadequate. Why is this? Oh, you should know, Alice practically said it outright. But that'll come into more detain when they get to Eintei… Or rather- nah, not gonna say it.**

**Speaking of, for those of you who weren't paying attention, the current path is as follows: SDM - Kappa River - Bamboo Forest - Eintei. Quite simple, quite simple.**

**Anywho, next chapter! Expect a battle with Cirno, and the long-awaited screen time of Devil's Team! Yay, Meiling!**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!**


	20. Chapter 20

**EGADS! It would seem I have misspelled "Eientei"! I AM SLAIN…!**

**Blurgh.**

…**Seriously, though, thanks for pointing that out. It's always annoying when you get the name of a major location wrong…meh, oh well. All part of growing as a writer!**

**Speaking of writing! Hey, how about that Cirno and how fun she is to write for? It's all good stuff, readers. And more good stuff comes this chapter, when Cirno gets annihil- er, boldly confronts our central protagonists! And for today's secondary team, that crazy ol' Meiling and her superior meet some resistance to their investigation!**

…**Oh, right. People have been getting on me about disclaimers. Here's one: If I owned this franchise, would I be making **_**fan fiction**_** about it? In English, no less? Honestly, now.**

**Formalities conducted! A whole lotta combat in this one! Let's get ready to rumble…! (Or "crumble", in Cirno's case.)**

* * *

Chapter 20: Of Fighters, Fools and Friends

"For an ideal team to be formed, there must be some certain traits held within it. For starters, the members of it must be close to each other in terms of ability correlating to the team's purpose. After all, if it was any other way, one would be doing all the work, while the other contributed essentially nothing. Though, this can be bypassed in the instance of a handicap that the other compensates for. Say one is stronger than the other, but lacks a certain level of intelligence? In this case, the other simply need be able to hold their own effectively, and be above average in terms of cleverness.

"Secondly, there is the matter of compatibility. If you put two people who despise each other together, I can say a good ninety-seven percent of the time, nothing will get done - they'll be too busy feuding. However, that's not to say the best of friends are always an ideal choice, either. If they lack a strong sense of responsibility, they may end up goofing off the entire time and never accomplishing their original goal. So, the two must get along, but they must also be vigilant.

"Finally, but by no means least important, is trust. If you are constantly suspicious of each other's motive, the whole thing just falls apart. It directly goes into my last point, of the people getting along, in many cases. Although I will admit, there are times when it is another matter entirely. Such as one of them having a very small attention span, having greedy tendencies, or a low self-esteem. How can you count on someone like that to watch your back? It's simple - you can't. If trust becomes an issue, then you're better off breaking off the entire mission.

"So, Meiling," Sakuya began, brandishing two knives in her hand with a cold, emotionless stare, "tell me why I shouldn't send you back to the mansion if you're going to keep falling asleep on the job?"

The two of Devil's Team were on the outskirts of the human village, stationed near an old shed just sitting there in the middle of the thick forest. Why it was there, nobody can say - it just was, and was currently being used to support a slumped-over Meiling, who had three knives lodged in her backside.

"Ow…!" Meiling groaned, pulling one of the sharp projectiles from sensitive flesh. "I'm sorry, Sakuya-san, it's just…guarding the mansion gets so boring sometimes because, well, nobody really ever attacks."

"Besides the witch."

"_Besides_ her." Meiling grumbled. "Even then, that's rare. It gets so boring I fall asleep often, and after a while my body got used to it, you see? I'm used to dozing off around this time, because normally I do during my uneventful rounds."

Sakuya sighed, putting a hand to the side of her head. Okay, perhaps she was being a bit harsh on her coworker. After all, Sakuya had been sent out no less than three times now to investigate some dangerous matter, whereas Meiling never had. It was something one had to get used to, she supposed.

"Fair enough." Sakuya conceded, striding over to her aching companion. "Hold still."

"What are you-"

_**SHVINK!**_

"AHHHH…eh?" Meiling stopped her scream of pain short, realizing there was no need for it. "That didn't hurt?"

"The lady insisted I learn how to extract knives safely." Sakuya explained, placing them back into the strap on her thigh after wiping them off on her apron. "Too many fairies quitting after unfortunate deaths, you see."

Meiling had, in fact, been witness to quite a few fairies charging out of the mansion every now and again, saying that the "torture was unbearable". She hadn't had an inkling to the cause before, but now…

"Ah." Meiling deapaned, a sweat drop of discomfort on the back of her head. "And you've…mastered this?"

"Hm?" Sakuya grunted, stopping in counting her knives to make sure they were all accounted for. "Mostly, more or less."

The area was silent.

"…What was that you were saying about trust before?"

* * *

"I still don't get it." Okuu pouted. "Why are you fiddling with that thingy?"

Ugh. It's an "iPod" , not a "thingy". I have much to teach this girl.

"Well," I begin, adding songs to my new "Danmaku Battle" playlist, "music helps me really get pumped for a good fight. So, I'm making a list of songs that'll set the mood for it. I mean, I accidentally turned it on while we were fighting Alice, and did you _see_ how many sharp things I was dodging from an army of combat dolls?"

"Oh, I get it! That's cool!" Okuu smiled. "…Unyuu. Now I want one."

That's what Apple does to people. I gave her the actual fruit, and she was ecstatic. If I introduced her to the corporation…? Well, that control rod looks pretty advanced, even by the outside's standards. Maybe the kappas can slap one together for her? Heck, maybe Rinnosuke…

…Dude! Rinnosuke! I completely forgot about him! Jeez, I hope he didn't have too much trouble finishing up inventory by his lonesome…

Oh, who am I kidding? The bulk of them had labels, in big bold lettering, right there on the side. I'm sure he's fine.

"Are we close to that mansion place?" Okuu asked, her wings drooping a little. "I'm getting tired, now…"

Hm. We can't be too far. Alice lives near Marisa, whose house I saw when me and her went my second night here, which afterwards, it didn't take long to get to the lake. Though, to be fair, we hadn't been in a big battle before that, even when I went on my own and tussled with Cirno. Alice was not one to be messed with, and all those fairies didn't help matters.

I suppose…

"Hey, Okuu?" I call up to my airborne teammate. "Let's take a quick breather here. It doesn't look like we're going to be getting much trouble for awhile."

The raven takes this as a cue to descend slowly, landing next to a tall tree and sitting against it. I make my way over and remove my claymore's sheath from my back propping it up against a bush. You don't really notice it when you're on the move, but that thing is pretty heavy.

"Ah~, this is nice!" Okuu sighs contently, taking in the cool shade and the soft grass. "Hey Ryan, come sit over here."

Eh? Well…sure, why not?

I kneel at the tree and get into a sitting position, leaning back and taking a moment to close my eyes. We can't doze off here, not before we get to the mansion where we won't get attacked by something, but even so, this is nice.

"Ryan?"

Okuu's voice snaps me out of my self-induced trance. I turn on my side to face her.

"Yeah?"

"Something has been bothering me." She says, propping herself up against the tree a little higher. "It's just…why are you friends with us?"

"Huh?" Now, that got my attention. I sit up to meet her puzzled expression. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, it's just…everyone at that mansion place is a youkai, right?" She asks. It's true, save for one human who could pass for youkai, so I nod. "And Alice isn't a human either, right?" Well, yeah, yellow eyes. I nod again. "And everyone in the underground, and myself, we're all youkai."

"Yes, you are." I say. "Why does it matter?"

"I thought that humans weren't supposed to like youkai. That shrine maiden and the witch as well, they just go around beating youkai up, don't they? And all of the youkai in the underground went there because they were hurt by humans and other youkai. And at that mansion, there aren't any humans, are there? So, why is it that all your friends here seem to be youkai?"

"First off," I say, looking her in the eye with lowered eyebrows, "You were wrong in two areas. Reimu and Marisa both fight youkai for a living, it's true. But Reimu and Yukari get along fine, and Reimu even has an oni for a roommate. And I know you weren't fooled when Alice acted like she and Marisa weren't fond of each other to some degree. And anyway, the maid at the Scarlet Devil Mansion is a human, and they all like her."

"Well," She stammers, "yes, but-"

"Secondly," I continue, raising a finger to stop her objection, "there's an old term of phrase called 'majority rules' . Gensokyo is mostly youkai-populated, so if I just acted like a jerk to everyone outside the human village, do you think I'd ever learn how to fight? Do you think I'd have any friends I wouldn't have to be protecting all the time?"

"…" Okuu ponders this, face towards the ground.

"Come on, Okuu, it's not that hard." I laugh to ease the mood, patting her on the back lightly. "You're my friend, like Rin is, and Meiling, and Patchouli…heck, even Flandre, I think! And her kind _feeds_ on humans, so that's a big accomplishment for me! You all are so different from each other in your own ways, do you think I'd wanna be pals with a bunch of chickens who all do the same thing every day? 'Course not!"

"Huh." Okuu blinks after I finished. "…I don't really get it."

I facefall into the grass. Now I'm glad we stopped in this spot.

"Let me put it this way." I say. "In my eyes, humans and youkai are both people. I am friends with people based on what kinds of people they are, how they act. Can you understand that?"

"Oh…!" She says in a long, drawn-out sound of understanding. "That makes lots of sense!"

Oi. I facepalm at the same time she gives a victory sign. Honestly, Okuu, you're a great pal, but in terms of philosophical conversation-

"Ah!" I exclaim. Okuu head tilts.

"What's wrong?" She asks. "Did you sit on a rock?"

The air just got colder. I don't mean by a slight amount due to the sun going down, we're talking several degrees difference.

…Oh. _Oh._

"What is it?" Okuu repeats before shooting up in her posture. "…Unyuu. Did it just get colder to you?"

Oh, _goddammit. _

"Uh, Okuu?" I say, getting to my feet. "We're gonna have to cut this rest short."

"What?" She blinked in confusion, scrambling to her feet. "But why? I just got comfy…!"

I turn to face the direction where the cold breeze is coming from, reaching for my trusty firearm.

"Two words." I state grimly, bracing myself for our last fight of the afternoon. "Fly swatting."

* * *

"DEMONS!"

There are perks to being a member of the SDM's staff. They include, but are not limited to: recognition by established youkai settlements, protection of a powerful vampire and her Armageddon-packing sister, and very comfortable lodgings.

A warm welcome from the human village, however, is not among them.

"Where is Miss Keine?" A woman demanded in a shriek, dragging her young son by the arm so tightly the area around the hand was becoming red. "Someone, save me! …Oh! Uh, and my child!"

She continued these and other senseless demands, continuing to drag her poor, confused boy down the pathway between the market area.

"W-Wait!" Meiling called, chasing after her on foot and failing in keeping up, "it's not like that at all! You've got it all wrong!"

A little ways away, Sakuya stared down a belligerent man who was practically jabbing her in the neck with a pitchfork with an altogether disinterested look.

"Heathen traitor!" He roared, crouching in an attempt to make himself seem battle-ready. "We knew your evil master would send you to round up more innocents to feed those remorseless creatures! It was just a matter of ti-"

"Are you quite done?" Sakuya spoke, barely holding back a yawn. "If you were going to start a fight with me, you would have done so by now. I truly have no time to spend on these ridiculous allegations."

"Ri-Ridiculous?" The man growled, his tone wavering with that ever-present fear. "Y-Y-Yeah, right! As if you and your monster over there had nothing to do with the attacks around Gensokyo! I bet you just hadn't gotten around to coming here yet?"

"…This is the closest village to my lady's mansion." Sakuya explained, raising an eyebrow. "If we had any interest in that kind of thing, we would have come here _first_."

"L-Lies!" The man hissed, moving his foot sideways in an obvious preparation to make a run for it. "You can't fool me with your trickery!"

"Trickery, or common sense?"

Silence.

"…HELP!" The man finally turned, tossed his rake over his shoulder, and ran away, arms stretched over his head. "The devil's dog is reaching into my BRAAAIIIN!"

"Ugh. This is getting us nowhere, and slowly." Sakuya muttered, the bridge of her nose pinched between her thumb and forefinger. She turned towards the market area, cupping her hands over her mouth. "Meiling, these idiots have no sense of reason. We're wasting our time here!"

Meiling jogged over to where Sakuya was, tired and panting from chasing random people for information. And, in hindsight, only worsening conditions for interview.

"Are you sure, Sakuya-san?" Meiling asked, wiping the beads of sweat from her forehead. "They seem to know about the violence that's been taking place…"

"No, they know _of_ it. Nothing beyond the fact that it happened." Sakuya elaborated, glancing around. "There's only one person in the whole place that could possibly give us anything to work with now…"

"Oh?" Meiling sounded. "And who is that?"

Meiling's question was answered by the sudden silence of the villager's frantic cries and angry shouts. The two scanned the area with their eyes.

Everyone had vanished.

It was not over yet. Next, the village itself began to change. The borders of the buildings became thick, like ink on paper. The buildings then grew flat and whitened, becoming as drawings on paper. The white then disappeared, leaving just the outlines. The outlines themselves then began to recede, flowing back towards a point in the center where a single figure was kneeling.

Meiling began to glance about frantically, exclaiming shocked noises while Sakuya merely smirked. It seemed the unintentional calamity they had caused would serve their purpose.

"Wh-What in the world?" Meiling yelped, taking in the expanse of forest where a settlement once was. "The village, it-it disappeared!"

"Not disappeared, per say." Sakuya responded, stepping towards the woman who was now standing from her kneeling position. "Rather, it's history was consumed."

"It's history was…eaten?" Meiling asked, slowly following while looking around more. "Ah… Is that even possible?"

However, Sakuya ignored Meiling, and continued her slow stride towards the person left from the now-erased village.

"Oh, I forgot." Sakuya said, holding a hand to her face as if reprimanding herself. "You prefer to use the term 'hidden', don't you? Miss Kamishirasawa."

Keine Kamishirasawa looked Sakuya square in the eye with a stern glare, clenching her fists.

"The both of you have caused too much trouble." She began, floating into the air. "Regardless of your intent, I will send you back to where you came from."

"Wonderful." Sakuya retorted with an eerie grin. "And when that _doesn't_ happen, you're going to help us out a little."

"Eh~?" Meiling droned, mouth agape. "This is the person who is going to give us a lead? This human woman?"

"She is not human, Meiling." Sakuya informed her partner, reaching to the strap on her leg and extracting several knives, all the while never looking away from Keine. "Despite her appearance, her power will make that abundantly clear shortly."

Meiling cast a doubtful look towards their opponent. Even though she'd just seen the village disappear by her hand, something was still amiss - she didn't even feel like a youkai. Despite this, the guard wasn't about to go against Sakuya's advice. With a little suspension of disbelief, she drew her fists up in front of her face in a combat-ready stance.

"…Erm." Her eyes went to Sakuya, then Keine once more. "Hai. May the, ah, most capable side be the winner?"

Keine said nothing, but raised a hand to the sky, in which a Spell Card appeared.

"_Land Sign "Three Sacred Treasures - Sword" !_"

* * *

"Cirno!" I exclaimed through an irritated groan. "Wonderful."

The ice fairy was standing between the remains of two trees she'd hacked to pieces with that sword of hers, shoulders rising and falling with fists tightly clenched as she stared us down. Or stared me down, rather. Utsuho just watched with an amused smile.

"Randa!" She practically had to spit my house name. "First you beat me, then you make me and Mystia look like fools, _then_ you go and disappear to deny me a rematch-"

"Wait, do you have any idea why I was gone?" I interject quickly.

"-and _now_," she continues, ignoring my question, "the first thing you do when you come back? You go and bully fairies under my protection! _Again!_"

Utsuho and I look to each other simultaneously, her being just as lost as me. I don't think Cirno quite gets that, for fairies to be under her "protection", she must first be, well, _protecting_ them. She was nowhere to be seen when those little suckers came by to ruin our day… Although, come to think of it, she looks a little winded.

And are those _scorch marks_ on her dress?

"Cirno," I begin with a teasing smirk, "were you just in the middle of running from a fight?"

An angry vein pops on her forehead and her eyes go red with rage.

"WHY YOU…!" She stammers unintelligible sounds, flailing her fists around before stretching her arms tightly at her side and letting of a high-pitched growl. "Never! My friend Daiyousei told me about how you and your friend beat up a bunch of fairies outside that puppet lady's place! I came from a fight, yes, but it was to make you pay!"

"Huh." Utsuho folds her arms. "I've seen you before, little fairy. You've been in my reactor before!"

"Eh?" Cirno turns towards Okuu…and freezes in place.

What in the world? Has Cirno gone so far as to make mischief in a nuclear reactor? Is she really stupid enough to go into the Hell of _Blazing Fires_ as an _ice_ fairy?

I…I have literally no words to describe this. So I'll let my facepalm speak for me.

"Y-You…" Cirno mutters, raising a trembling finger towards my partner. "With the witch…and the hole…and all that fire…"

"Oh yeeaah…" Okuu beams, seeming to remember. "That wasn't real long ago at all! You're that contaminant I thought I burnt all up in the reactor! I'm glad I didn't kill you!"

"Um, Okuu?" I try to butt in. "You can't really kill a fairy…"

"Don't call me a contaminant! I'm the strongest fairy, and I will have respect!" Cirno whined, pointing her sword towards Utsuho. "You didn't beat me! I knocked you out and left before the heat got too much for me!"

…

"Which wouldn't have been for a while. 'Cuz I'm the strongest and all."

…Pfft.

Pfft-ft-ft…

"_Bah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaaa!_" Oh-ho, oh my sides! I can't breathe, this is that good! "Cirno? Beat Utsuho? Oh, that's rich!"

"H-Hey!" Cirno yelled, waving her arms over her head. "It's not a joke! I beat up your little friend, but good!"

"Well, I remember everything going black for a second…" Okuu thought out loud, "but only for a second. And I wasn't really hurt at all."

"So you laughed yourself into a second-long coma when this loon," I pause, jutting a thumb towards Cirno, "said she was stronger than you! It all checks out!"

"Hee-hee!" Utsuho giggles, sticking out the tip of her tongue. "Come to think of it, since I wasn't hurt or anything, I think that might've happened!"

I burst back into obnoxious laughter, accompanied by the feminine pitch of Okuu's, all the while Cirno is fuming and ranting off to the side!

"It's NOT…A…JOKE!" She screamed, an icy mist billowing from her body. "I…beat…you!"

Okuu stops laughing for some reason, then tugs on my sleeve.

"Ryan?" She calls quietly, tugging some more. "I think we have to fight now."

Sorry, partner! I can't hear you over my own mirth! Pfft, The fairy beating Okuu! What'd she do, ramble so long that she drained Okuu of enough intelligence that she forgot how to breathe? Ha-ha-ha-ha-

_**Cue Music ~ "Klungo Battle" - Banjo-Tooie**_

"_Cold Body "Super Ice Kick" !_"

Aha-ha-

_**WHUD!**_

"Gwaaaaaah!" I yell, tumbling through the air after being kicked in the chest with an ice-coated foot.

_**CRASH!**_

Sunnuva biscuit! Again with the people hurling me into things!

Cirno flips back into the air, recovering nicely after nailing me with that flying kick. She punches the air twice then waves her hand in a "come-and-get-me" fashion. The nerve of her, getting smug over a cheap shot! What kind of jerk would-

Oh wait. _I_ would.

Aw, I made myself feel bad.

"Hey!" Okuu quickly jumps in front of my prone form, lying dashed amongst a few bushes. "Don't you pick on him, you stupid fairy!"

"EYE AM NOT STUPID!" Cirno bellows. "Just for that, I'm gonna hurt you too!"

Funny how she says that while using "eye".

Cirno summons a Spell Card and holds it to the sky, the reflective surface starting to emit a light blue glow. I can tell that this'll be an area-affecting attack from video game experience, and so I flip to my feet.

"Oh, good!" Okuu sighs in relief. "Are you okay?"

"It's Cirno. I think I'll live." I smirk. "Anyway, eyes forward - here she comes!"

"_Frozen Sign "Freeze Atmosphere" !_" Just in the nick of time, too! Cirno's hand begins to spray a haze of icy particles that scatter about, slowly drifting through the air. And then, she…

…does nothing? Was that it?

"Ha, lame." I grin cockily. I draw my claymore, raising it threateningly. "If that's all, I'm going to make you go poof, now."

"…Ah!" Okuu exclaims. "Wait, Ryan! Don't attack!"

I know it seems too easy, but c'mon, she's wide open! I just need to leap into the air, and-

_**Shhh-lmp!**_

Gah?

_**WHUD!**_

Trip and faceplant? Ow, what the heck? Where's my super-awesome flying leap?

"I tried to warn you…" Okuu sighs. "There's a bunch of icy flakes stuck to your legs!"

What the-? There's an armada of ice flakes stuck to my legs!

…Oh, I see. Clever, very clever…

"You fell for it! Ha-ha-ha!" Cirno cackles, raising her sword over her head. "Now I'm gonna cut you up good!"

She darts down to my position, preparing a nasty overhead swing that I can currently do nothing to block!

"_Light Energy "High-Tension Blade" !_"

**_CLANG!_**

Before I can be victim to the sensation of being cut in half without the actual injury, a blade of light counters the frozen sword.

Okuu glares straight into Cirno's eyes, slowly but surely forcing the clashing weapons higher. The eye in her chest glows ominously.

"I said…" Okuu begins rearing back a little, "don't pick on him!"

**_KA-SHVING!_**

* * *

"_Origin Sign "Ephemerality 137" !_"

There are times when it pays to be a martial arts master. Not to mention that the lessons entailed teach discipline, respect, and the way of the warrior.

"_Buriallusion "Phantasmic Killer" !_"

Then, there are times when that great and noble warrior wishes that the gods would send them back in time so that they may instead learn how to sneak around like a coward and shoot foes in the back effectively.

Hong Meiling? She finds herself in a _lot_ of those instances.

"_Chi Sign "Star Bullets" !_"

Sakuya warped knives through time and space before shooting them at the human form were-hauteur, elegantly dancing about her danmaku with ease. Meanwhile, poor Meiling is punching bullets through the air as quick as she can just so that she isn't drowned in the storm of white globes that flood the area.

"Meiling!" Sakuya called over the assault. "What's the matter? You haven't even tried to go on the offensive!"

"What, and lose the match for us in three easy danmaku bursts?" Meiling cries, teary eyed in fear as she continued to punch at globes, keeping herself from harm. "N-No chance, Sakuya-san! I'm perfectly fine making sure I don't mess things up!"

"Focus on yourself, Izayoi Sakuya!" Comes Keine's wrathful snap. "You're the one who challenged me, don't fall due to misplaced attentions now!"

Sakuya sighs impatiently, stops her assault, then draws another Spell Card.

"_Speed Sign "Luminous Ricochet"!_"

Sakuya hurls a knife engulfed in a red aura with tremendous force. The speedy projectile reflects back and forth, tearing through all the globes scattered about the area. Keine, seeing this new attack, quickly dismissed her Spell Card and dodged to the side.

_**Shlick!**_

"Gyah!" However, due to the trajectory being a randomized one, the teacher couldn't effectively dodge the ricochet that came from behind and tore through her waist. "Not bad at all, but not enough either…!"

"…Ah?" Meiling stopped her counterattack, her cause for alarm no longer present. "S-Sakuya-san…?"

Sakuya floated over to Meiling and held up two Spell Cards, their dim glow now nowhere to be seen.

"Now, look what I've gone and done." Sakuya said with a wistful smile. "I've used two of my three. It looks like it will be up to you to finish her off, Meiling."

Meiling frowned. She had a hunch this is what Sakuya was doing. She swore that human had the oddest ways of trying to make someone have confidence in themselves… But even so, she was still inexperienced in long-range combat. How did Sakuya intend to cover that?

"Hmph." Keine, surprisingly enough, did not attack. Rather, she opted to float there with her arms folded over her chest. "Admirable enough, I suppose. I'll give you a moment's reprieve."

"Oh, but that will be your undoing." Sakuya smiled almost sincerely. "Meiling is, after all, the head guard of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and we only take the best."

Meiling smiled and shook her head a little at the ill-concealed encouragement speech, before Sakuya directly addressed her.

"As such, she's expected to be strong enough to _charge through_ any form of assault." The maid continued with a hinting tone that only those very familiar with her would pick up on. "But don't ask me about it - you see it for yourself."

So _that_ was Sakuya's compensation strategy. But now, Meiling thought to herself, the problem emerged of how to utilize it, and it looked like their moment of reprieve was at it's end. Sakuya would undoubtedly lay down some cover fire, presumably with Eternal Meek, but even that would bring only further danmaku Meiling would have to avoid.

She would need a way to _literally_ barrel through-

Oh. And THERE it was.

"You two," Keine began firmly, bringing out her third and final card, "will be seeking your answers elsewhere!"

Meiling summoned the first of the two cards she would be using behind her back. Sakuya braced herself for the coming attack.

"_Future "Gods' Realm" !_"

Gensokyo has never been, nor will ever be, a place where subtlety holds.

So when Keine's card floated in front of her face and exploded into a net of thick interconnecting lasers, nobody was surprised.

"_Chi Sign "Fierce Tiger Energy Release" !_" Meiling shouted, putting her hands together in a meditative position. A pillar or rainbow energy burst from the earth and engulfed the Chinese youkai, causing her power output to temporarily skyrocket. More than enough to force herself through a few puny lasers.

"Hyaaaaaaaah!" Meiling let loose a long battle cry, kicking off the ground and darting through the air towards Keine, who was just now understanding her adversaries' tactic.

"Kh!" The were-hauteur tsk'ed, outstretching her arms to redirect the lasers all towards the rainbow-colored missile charging her way. "I'm not so foolish enough to-"

"_Conjuring "Eternal Meek" !_" Sakuya loudly declared, cutting Keine's self-moralizing speech short. The maid drew a series of knives in each hand, and proceeded to hurl the forwards with complete and total abandon. Due to Meiling's empowered state, the knives that came into contact with her merely reflected off and ended their-short lived flight.

Those that did not…

_**Shlick-shlick-shlick-shlick-shlick!**_

…Found their target in Keine's outstretched arms.

"Kyaaah!" Keine cried, eyes wide and teary. She quickly moved her arms back in front of her to remove the knives that, rather than passing through, had lodged themselves in her arms. It was then she remembered why she had assumed that position to begin with. "…Oh dear."

"_Hoooooooooooooooh…!_"

Keine looked up just in time to see the golden aura-coated Meiling raise her fist with one final Spell Card clenched in the space between her fingers.

"_Fiery Attack…_"Were Keine not a member of the educational system, she would have sworn right then and there.

"_Roc-" _

A palm crashed against Keine's stomach…

"_-Killing" _

…followed by a firm shoulder to her face…

"_Fist" ! _"

…and the coup de grace, a positively _ferocious_ upward punch that exploded against her jaw, knocking her airborne in a rainbow updraft.

_**KREEEEEEEEEESH!**_

And thus, the battle was won by the employees of a tiny vampire!

…Quiiiiite nearly.

"Er…Meiling? Is she going to be landing any time soon?"

"Wait for it, Sakuya-san…"

_**WHUMP.**_

"There! See, nothing to worry about!"

* * *

Okay, I'm actually becoming slightly worried by all this. Not by Cirno, god forbid. I underestimated her, now I'm not, so that works out. No, the problem here is with Okuu. Don't get me wrong - I'm glad to be on her "bf" list. However, I've come to learn along that, along with what I saw in the fight with Alice, when you antagonize someone on her "bf" list, Okuu gets…a little violent.

Try to chop them down the middle, and she's just plain _gone_.

"_Nuclear Sign "Creeping Sun" !_" Her second Spell Card already? I haven't even used my first! Utsuho creates a pulsating red mass in the air above her, levitates it higher, then with the thrust of an arm, chucks the whole dang thing at Cirno.

However, it would seem out good ice fairy isn't quite ready to call it quits with just that. Bracing herself against the ground, Cirno pulls out a card of her own.

"_Ice Sign "Fairy Spin" !_" Cirno takes to the air, transforming into a whirlwind of cool blue and snowflakes. The swirling fairy collides against Creeping Sun, resulting in a line of energy that crackles between the two, before the small sun collapses in on itself and Cirno stops her spin, her eyes swirling with dizziness.

And then it hits me: I'm here too!

"_Colorful Fortress,_"I begin, rushing the fairy with intent to hurt and drawing a Spell Card, " "_Rainbow Barricade" !_"

The diamond-shaped barrier I acquired from Meiling fires up around me. Before it closes over my feet, I kick off the ground with all I can muster!

And lemmie tell you, I will never take my jumping skills for granted again. I mean _ever_. Jeez, that's still embarrassing…

"Dwah…" Poor little moron was still dazed when the sharp corner of my barrier rammed into her upper body.

_**BZ-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-ZRT!**_

"_Gyah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah…!_" Cirno babbled, her skeleton showing between flashes of electrocution from Rainbow Barricade's discharge. Sometimes I wonder if that thing is more useful for protection or a handy, all-encompassing tazer. Hey, I'll take both when the opportunity presents itself! "Ow… Quit it!"

_**Shwoo-SHVING!**_

Cirno tries to counter my shoulder barge with her sword via a forward thrust, but that is quickly blocked by Okuu's control rod. With the chance available, I plant my feet on the third arm and kick off it, well out of harm's way.

"Ngh…!" Cirno goes wide eyed, struggling to keep from getting clubbed over the head…before grinning deviously? "…Ha! Now I've got you!"

Um, crap! Where's my buster, where's my buster?

"_Blowing Ice "Ice Tornado" !_" Too late! Cirno began to spin in place - however, it wasn't like the last time. Rather than surrounding herself with ice to become the attack, she's sending it out of herself! It's turning into a twister of frozen razors!

"Gah!" I jump backwards to avoid the attack, but the move has a secondary effect I wasn't expecting.

Mainly, kicking up dust into the tornado, freezing it, and turning the area into a miniature blizzard.

"Wah~!" Cirno cried within the tornado's center, her silhouette able to be seen wiping its eyes. "Dirt in my deadeyes! Get it out, get it out, get it ouuuut~!"

"Ah?" Okuu blinked, shielding her face from the fierce winds. "H-Ha-ha! You hurt yourself!"

"Shut up!" Cirno whined, swiping at Okuu's general direction and missing her by a mile with the sharp wind of ice that resulted. "It's all part of my master plan!"

And speaking of hurting Cirno, I'd done something clever while she was having a hissy fit and jumped up behind the tornado's center, charged buster in hand.

This is the part where I'd yell "Hadouken", but I really don't care to get smacked by a fairy tomboy again, so…

_**BLAM!**_

Eat it, snowflake.

"A-wah-wah-wah-wah!" Cirno went a-babbling off into the side of a tree. It would seem today is honorary gibberish day! Hinger-dinger-durgen! Oh wait, that's Leif Erickson's Day… "Shooting me in the back! You coward!"

"That's rich, coming from you." I respond in kind, readying another charge…

What the-? I've still got a full charge? What the crap?

"Hyah!"

I whirl around to see Okuu firing a "sun" globe at Cirno, who ducks behind a rock to avoid getting plastered all over the ground.

Well, maybe my gun's got a malfunction. Guess I'll just swap over to my sword and-

"Oh no, you don't!" Okuu yells, firing a white-hot beam at the stone, blasting it to bits.

Now my sword's glowing green! Seriously, what's up with thi-

…Wait a tic. I'm remembering something…this happened in the underground, too.

"And the common denominator between the underground and right now would be…" I trail off in my audible thoughts, looking around before my eyes fall on Okuu, who is building up energy for another attack. "…You've got to be kidding me."

"Mrgh…!" My partner huffed, pouting angrily before pointing her trademark tool at Cirno's latest cover, that being a stump. "Hold still so I can shoot you~!"

Right. We've got Cirno on the ropes, so I'll worry about this later.

"Utsuho!" I address her, who turns to me with clear impatience. "I'm going to shoot her with Plasma Volley! You do whatever it is you do. Okay?"

"Alright!" Okuu nodded, turning towards Cirno with a devilish smirk. "As long as we beat her already!"

Cirno slowly came out from behind the stump, expression completely blank.

"Ah, um…Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Cirno laughed confidently, fists planted on her hips. "You fools! You've told me what your last resort is! Now you stand no chance!"

"…Last resort." I deadpan. "Really, now? Because you were hiding behind the remains of a tree."

"It's…all part of my plan." Cirno answers quickly. "Because I'm a genius."

"A tree that I shot you into." Utsuho adds to my previous point. "…Unyuu. Now I'm starting to feel bad about fighting you."

"Shut up! You both are no match for the strongest!" Cirno declared, holding up a Spell Card. "Now you face my greatest attack of all!"

Oh, great. What, is she going to use that "Perfect Freeze" again, because that got me into a tight spot last time!

"_Ice Cube "Great Crusher" !_"

A gigantic chunk of ice quickly forms above our heads, threatening to crush us with a magnanimous force! There is only one course of action we can take…

_**CRASH!**_

…Which is taking no more than two steps to the right and left respectively, allowing the oversized ice cube to harmlessly shatter against the ground. Cirno just floats there in her "ice-dropping" pose, mouth agape and left eye twitching every so often. Me and Okuu share a disinterested glance before readying our final moves. Well, it's high time we put an end to this.

"_Plasma Sign,_"I begin, aiming my cylinder-enclosed arm towards Cirno, " _"Energy Volley" !_"

"_Explosion Sign,_" Okuu called, raising her control rod's point towards Cirno, "_ "Mega Flare" !_"

Cirno didn't even make an attempt to dodge the hail of charge shots, or the massive orb-shaped blast.

Jeez, now I feel bad.

_**KREEEEEEEEEESH!**_

* * *

"Hey, Ryan?" Okuu asks me, floating along in a lying position, "Can I ask you something?"

"Oh, sure thing." I answer, shifting that which I am carrying over my shoulder so it isn't dropped.

"I know you said you want to make a lot of friends." She went on. "I think that's very nice of you, but…"

"But what?" I ask, eyebrow raised.

"Do you think maybe I should carry her?" Okuu ask, flipping up to a sitting position. "I don't want her to try and hurt you again…"

"Heh-heh! You know," I begin, looking over my shoulder, "I don't think Cirno's going to be much of a problem for now."

Cirno struggles violently against the bonds of nuclear energy that encase her arms and legs, trying to flip around so she could at least bite me or some such.

"Randaaaa…!" She growled lowly, thrashing again. "Put me down! I'm gonna make you pay! Eye'm the-"

Utsuho flies down next to me and pokes her gently in the ribs.

"-Ouch!" Cirno cries, cutting off her previous rant with big, teary eyes.

"And that's why." Okuu says with a soft smile. "You're coming along with us to get fixed up. How-ev-er~…"

Okuu flipped upside down, looked Cirno in the eye and waves a disapproving finger in front of her face.

"…Since we're doing this, you leave Ryan alone so we can find the bad guys." Okuu finished, patting the fairy on the head. "Okaaaaaaaay?"

Cirno just glares off to the side with a stubborn pout.

"…Fine." She spat, watching the ground go by. Seeing as she is going to stop being a baby, I turn my face back towards the oncoming lake. Just in time, the sun's starting to disappear! "So, where are we going?"

"Nowhere special." I say nonchalantly. "Just the Scarlet Devil Mansion."

"Eeeeeeeeeeh?" Cirno wails, beginning her struggling anew. "Wait! I changed my mind! Put me down, I don't wanna see that maid again, she's creepy~! Lemmie go!"

"I swear, I will turn this car around. Don't think for a _second_ I'm playing games." I mutter, shifting Cirno once more as she goes off into a huge, cowardly tangent.

"Unyuu?" Utsuho sounds putting a finger to her lower lip. "What's a… 'kahr' ?"

Sigh.

* * *

Ryan and Utsuho made it over towards the lake's edge. After some debating on how to cross while the fairy slung over the young Randa's shoulder shouted angry protests, they finally decided it best to have Okuu fly the other two across. Taking Ryan's hand, Utsuho lifted the two into the air with considerable ease and began her flight over the lake.

Ten seconds after they had left, a single figure emerged on the lake's edge in a twister of onyx feathers.

She shifted the long, black hair covering her left eye. The bright green irises were made less visible by the narrowing eyelids bearing the same tan as the rest of her skin.

She pulled a scrap of paper from her cloak, as well as a feather pen. Taking one last loom over the water, her hand flew into motion, jotting down lines and dots in quick succession. The end result was a near-identical sketch of Utsuho Reiuji's face.

She looked then to the one being carried by the raven. She had no idea why a human was there aside from the shrine maiden, but it made little difference. Anybody who would assist her new target would reap equal amounts pain and misfortune.

With that, the Commander disappeared in the same, mysterious twister. She knew just who _her_ enemy was now.

* * *

**I have an announcement to make readers. At the time of this chapter's completion, we have been troped. I crap you not, readers, AJiBH got a TV Tropes mention!**

**You recall the scene in Chapter 18? When Ryan socked himself in the face to remove developing images of perversion? Thanks to that little excerpt, the story has been linked from the "Brain Bleach" article. It's not a big one, yeah, and the only reason that this was added was probably due to the inactivity of that article. But still! It's the freaking TV Tropes, maaaaaaaaaaan. **

**(…If one of you are responsible for this, please stand up. You shall recieve a possibly-spine-crunching bear hug from a happy sasquatch. I'll even cover the medical bill.)**

**By the way, Webcomic reference in this chapter. CAN YOU SPOT IT. Hope so.**

**The music selection here, the theme of Klungo's boss fights from Banjo-Tooie! Why this song, one might wonder? Well, aside from perfectly accompanying Cirno's incompetence and just being ridiculously catchy, there are a few key reasons. Much like Klungo, Cirno is the boss who doesn't change, but keeps coming back for more. Neither learn any **_**new**_** tricks, they just use different ones each time and hope to catch their archrivals off-guard. Both very comical, very endearing.**

**As for Keine, well…erm. Comparing "Minion On A Mission" to a "Teacher On A Mission" ? I don't know.**

**Utsuho's so nice, if not a touch psychotic/overprotective. You know who else is psychotic/overprotective? Our currently nameless Commander. I think you know where I'm going with this.**

**Also, yeah. Cirno's gonna play third wheel for a chapter or two. She's Cirno, it happens.**

**Right, that wraps up this chapter! Next time, more Patchy, Koa, Remi, and Flan for all the TH06 fans out there! See you then!**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!**


	21. Chapter 21

**LOL Bad wit personal deadlines. Moving on!**

**So, we've reached a chapter full of character development, and fun times and no fighting. Well, every story needs a few of these for storytelling, right? Right. Besides, the SDM and its inhabitants are always a fan-favorite! More adorableness with Flandre, bonding with a partially sadistic librarian, and Remilia not being accountable for anything is to be had!**

**Disclaimer: "Yes, I am ZUN. ZOMG I've been found out," he _lied_.**

* * *

Chapter 21: Of Pleasant Evenings and Vampire Tomfoolery

_**Tmp!**_

Okuu lowers to the grass, letting me down onto the soft blades and opting to observe this place, which is foreign to her. Cirno has managed to stop having freakout sessions, instead begging me -oh, I'm sorry- threatening me if I let her get run through by one of Sakuya's knives. Honestly though, if it's going to happen then it's going to happen. That, and I can have something to laugh at during what is going to undoubtedly be an awkward reunion.

"Ooh, this place looks fancy~!" Okuu cheers, flying in loops overhead. "That's such a pretty shade of red!"

"Don't get used to it." Cirno huffed, doing her best to fold her arms. "I'm the strongest, and even _I_ can't stand being here. You'll be running away before the night is through."

"Oh, come on, Cirno!" Okuu teases, pinching the fairy's cheek resulting in more furious thrashing. "It can't be that bad when it's soooo pretty!"

Hmph. Now that I'm at the door… I'm not too sure I want to go in. I'm positive Remilia's going to be close on the other side. Yukari said she can feel guilt, but… Will she address me as an enemy or a nuisance to cover for her own scheme's failure? Maybe she knows I'm here and just won't open the door?

Well, hell. If that's the case, I'll blast an entrance in next to the door. Incident Resolution Specialist privileges, and all.

Yes, CS, they exist. They exist because I decree it to be so.

"…Huh. Weird." Come's Cirno's voice, now cooled off from Okuu's taunting. "That nice guard lady is nowhere around here!"

Huh? Oh. …Oh, I see! Playing at another sneak attack, are we? Well, I shall have none of it, my lofty squire! Still, "A" for effort.

"H-Hey!" Cirno yelped, noticing me unsheathing my sword. "Don't get in a fight while I'm like this, you dumbah…dumboh…d-dumb pass!"

"You mean 'dumbass', and yes you are." I mutter, holding my weapon one-handedly in a defensive position. Now, clear the ol' throat, and…! "HEY CHI-NAAAAAA…!"

…

…Eh? Where's the wrist-snapping karate kick?

Okuu took the opportunity to get higher up and scout the area.

"I think she's right." Okuu said, narrowing her eyes to look at further places. "I don't see anyone out here…"

What? You mean Meiling's not here? Aw, lame! And here I wanted a _friendly_ tussle!

_**Creeeaaak!**_

What was that?

"Ooh!" Okuu grinned, pointing to one of the higher levels. "Someone's at the window!"

Up above, a figure I couldn't make out in this light was peering down at us, scratching the side of its head. Okuu smiled and waved eagerly, not really getting why I wouldn't be too gung-ho on coming back. Still, don't want to be rude, so I wave lightly as well.

"Uh… Ahem." I drone, coughing nervously. "Hey there?"

The figure leans further out the window before rearing back. -Are they shocked? Oh great, it _is_ Remilia isn't it?- She, I'm assuming, then leans even further to grab at something.

Click!

A light…?

-! Hey, that's-

"Mr. _Randa_?" Koakuma calls down, eyes squinted. "Is that you down there?"

Koakuma! Boy, am I glad to see someone whose mere presence makes me an idiot!

"Hey Koa!" I yell, cupping my hands over my mouth. "Long time no see! Hey, where's Mei gotten too?"

Koakuma makes to answer, but then a pale hand emerges from the inside, pulling her back a bit. The face that pops out with those violet bangs, nightcap and the ever-present unamused face… Patchouli, too! Great, maybe I won't even have to see the vampire!

"Well, this is a shock. I wasn't expecting to see you again so soon, especially after Remi's little stunt. Not a _bad_ surprise, mind you…" She pauses to turn away, coughing heavily with an audible "mukyuu!". "Ugh… Oh, and who are those two with you?"

Of course, Okuu just launches herself up to the window, scaring the living bejesus out of Patchy and Koa both.

"Hiiii~!" The raven calls in her ever-cheerful way.

"GYAH!" Comes the response, as I see the distant shapes of the library's staff fall over backwards in shock. "D-Don't do that!" They cry simultaneously, fists clenched.

"Oh. Sorry!" Okuu grins,waving it off. "My name's Utsuho, but my friends call me Okuu! And since Ryan is a friend and you're his friends, you can call me that too, I think!"

"Hey!" Chimes in an angry Cirno still slung over my shoulder. "Don't you dare ignore me! I'm not a rice sack, I'm the-"

"_Potato_ sack." I finish. "No worries, Cirno. I'll make sure nobody gets the two mixed up."

Patchouli manages to recover, panting some as she catches her breath.

"Ah…hah… Well, now." She states, regaining her composure. "Quite the traveling companions you have, Ryan. A mad raven and an idiot fairy."

"They make for good conversation." I give for an excuse. "Anyway, can we come inside? We need to crash someplace, and since I know you guys…"

"Oh. -Mukyuu!- Guh…O-Of course." She turns away from the window. "Koakuma, see them in! This outside air isn't doing me much good…"

"Right away!" Koakuma responds, giving us a smile from the window. "Be there in a flash! …Oh, one more thing!"

_**Wink!**_

Gih! The wink…head cloudy. She did that on purpose…!

"Ah! H-Hey!" Cirno wiggles frantically. "Stop wobbling so much! You're gonna fall on me!"

"Calm down!" Utsuho calls from her place up above. "Ryan's really smart. There's no way he'd-"

_**WHUMP.**_

* * *

"Coming!" Koakuma calls, hurrying down the stairs, giggling to herself. "Hee-hee! I'm so glad Miss Patchouli taught me how to do that!"

From the farthest end of the hall, a large, half-oval crimson door creaks open, revealing the colorless face of the mansion's mistress peering out, who has no idea why her librarian's assistant is so excited.

_Marisa, maybe…? _Remilia ponders. _No, no - too few explosions._

"Oh, Remi, old friend?" Comes the voice of Patchouli, elegantly gliding towards the door. "You might want to come out of there, we have a guest."

"A guest?" Remilia frowned. She didn't like having guests while her maid and assassin was away. "Is she a gohei-swinging terror, by any chance?"

"No, no." Patchouli responded with a crooked smirk. "I didn't see him holding anything of the sort."

Reimilia nodded some in understanding. Then she adopted a puzzled expression. Finally, the reality of her friend's word choice was abundantly clear, the vampire's jaw dropping hard.

"Oh, _Tepes below_." Remilia swore, covering her face with her hand. "_Him_-him? Are you sure it wasn't just that half-blood?"

"Ignoring the fact that this was a human with facial hair?" The librarian questioned, an eyebrow raised. "Sorry, Remi, but you know it wouldn't be right to stay holed up in there. Besides, Flandre's going to come out when she smells him, and she'll wonder why her big sister isn't there to greet her 'tasty new friend', as she put it?"

"Methinks the librarian doth protest to her _employer_ too much." Remilia snapped in a low growl. "…Oh, but you're right. I suppose if I don't want to get any trouble from that blonde hag later…"

Remilia slowly hovered out of the thin crack in the door, heaving a deep sigh to express her vast level of "I-can't-believe-I'm-doing-this", and made for the stairs. Patchouli just watched her with a thin smile.

_Oh, poor Remilia. _She thought with a stifled chuckle. _If only you could fool others as easily as you fool yourself…_

* * *

"Koa, that was just low." I say for the third time, holding my face.

Okuu follows close behind, taking in the majestic décor of the mansion with wide eyes, occasionally letting off an "why don't we have one of these?" or a "this would look so great in…" among other comments. Looking to my left, I notice a couple of fairy maids flying out the door, then coming back in carrying a dazed and still-restrained Cirno by the legs and back. The poor idiot herself is drooling with swirling eyes.

"I know." Koakuma grins in response to my comment.

"Not just low-low," I emphasize, "but really low."

"I'd like to think it deserved for your little 'danmaku-tag', wouldn't you?"

What? Oh, right.

Setting the…back of her pants…on…fire.

"…Sorry."

"Good boy." She responds.

_**Clang-clang-clang!**_

"W-Wah!" Koakuma suddenly jumped a bit, her eyes swiveling towards the source of the sound.

What's with the banging? Is it coming from-

_**CLANG-CLANG-CLANG!**_

Ah, the basement door! Flandre must be down there!

"Goodness, Mistress Flandre!" Koakuma sighed, holding a hand over her chest. He turned to me. "It's not like her to get so agitated, honestly."

I raise an eyebrow, conveying all that needs to be.

"Right, you two have met… I'd forgotten." Straightening herself out, she approached the door. "I'm getting the key, now just hold on."

"Wait, hold on!"

Okuu swoops down next to me, standing partially between me and the basement door, causing Koakuma to stop what she was doing. Koa glances between Okuu and the key, perhaps wondering if she was attracted to the shiny object. Although it would be adorable and in my partner's character, I doubt that's the case. And now I'm imagining a wide-eyed Okuu as I jingle a set of keys in front of her.

…I swear, my imagination goes to so many weird places, sometimes.

"Flandre? Flandre Scarlet?" Okuu asked for clarification, to which me and Koa nodded dumbly. "Um…I don't know. Maybe she shouldn't come out…"

What the-? Okuu, not wanting to meet new people? Shock, amazement!

"It's just that… Miss Yukari sent my master a message. Y'know, to say why you were gone that one time." She explained, twiddling her thumbs. "Flandre's the one who hurt you real bad in a fight, right? I-I'm not really okay with this…"

Ah, that Yukari, skimping on the details yet again!

"Let her out, Koakuma." I call to the librarian with a nod. "It's all good." I turn to Okuu, who is still eyeing the door as if she expects something to jump us the moment it opens. "Don't worry, we ended things on a pretty good note. I don't think she'll give us any trouble."

Meh, I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. It's not like Flandre's going to jump at me because she thinks I'm okay with her drinking my blood, right? I mean she's only an insane vampire shut-in. What's the worst…that could…

Oh! Y'know, I've _never_ taken the time to admire the stitching in the back of Okuu's cape! I think I'll conveniently do that riiiiiiight now.

_**Creeeaaak…**_

"There!" Koa announces with a smile. "You see, miss Flandre? All it takes is a bit of understanding and-"

_**FWACK.**_

Ooh, that sounded nasty!

"…patience." Koakuma finishes in a long groan as the small blonde jumps up onto her faces and literally runs over her to get over to where we are, holding her arms out in an "I'm an airplane!" fashion with a wide smile on her face.

"Yay, Randa-kun came baaaack~!" She sings happily, stopping two feet away and jumping up and down. "I was really worried you weren't going to, 'cuz that hole-lady didn't act like it, and you were all bloody, and nee-sama had something to do with it and-and-and…!" She stops, holding a hand over her mouth and gasping when she sees Utsuho. "Ooh, who is this~? Did she come here with you, Randa-kun? What's with those pretty clothes? Why's one of your arms a long stick?"

Okuu sits there with a blank stare, mouth slightly agape. She slowly turns her head towards me and points a hesitant finger at Flandre.

"…This cute little girl?" She asks in a flat tone of voice. "_This_ is Flandre?"

"Don't let her looks fool you. She can make literally make things explode by looking at them funny." I warn quietly, before stepping forward and leaning down t pat Flandre on the head. "Hey, kiddo, how have you been?"

_**Chomp!**_

Gh-!

"Imf mmf mff!" Flandre says in a muffled voice, her mouth currently clamped onto my hand and draining blood from the space behind my knuckles. Well, I walked right into that one, considering the last time I showed her my hand.

"I think she said 'I've been fine'." Utsuho explains with a wise finger raised.

"I gathered that." I respond in a weak whimper. Flandre make a sound of contentment before releasing my hand, now considerably pale with two holes in the back.

"Aah! Coming back and letting me drink again right away! You're so thoughtful, Randa-kun!" Flandre beams. She then stops herself, looking towards the stairs. "Oh, oh, I know! I'll get nee-sama! we'll all have a nice dinner again!"

"Er, actually," I quickly butt in, "could I maybe just see Patchouli instead? After all, I'm sure your big sis is really busy, and-"

"Not at all, really."

…Crap baskets. It's great how the exact thing I don't want to happen, happens.

"Like I told you before, we don't get many guests around here." Remilia says, looking down on us from the railing above. "Besides, with Sakuya and Meiling out, it's been awfully dull around here today, and I'm sure you and…your friend there…have had a long day?"

Alright, Ryan, man up! You can't back down just because she owns the place! Actually, that's the perfect reason to back down. J-Just don't think about it!

"That sounds good." I says, looking her in the eye and folding my arms defiantly. "Besides, it's been a while. I'd like the chance to _talk_, wouldn't you?"

Remilia clearly gets my meaning from how one fang peeks out, biting onto her lower lip, and her eyes narrow slightly.

"…But of course." She says smoothly. "I'll have the maids get everything prepared."

"Yay! Thanks, Remi!" Flandre calls to her big sister before grabbing mine and Okuu's hand. "C'mon! I'll take you guys to the dining hall!"

"But," I say weakly, "I already know where it is…"

* * *

"Goddammit, Yukari!" Remilia hisses, leaning against the fall and slapping and angry fist against it. "Miserable hag! She told him _everything_!"

"You should have expected that. Yukari doesn't keep secrets involving other youkai from her subordinates." Patchouli explains, leaning on the opposite wall.

"You don't get it, Patchy. It's not Yukari that worries me, it's someone who could beat Flandre that worries me!" Remilia glowered, pacing back and forth. "What if he's come back to cause damage to the mansion in some act of retribution? I mean, he brought the _Hell Raven _for crying out loud! What other intent could there be?"

Remilia stops when Patchouli's hand lands on her shoulder.

"First off, calm down. I'm not going to be your confidant anymore if you let _everything_ out on me. You usually never get like this. Second," Patchouli continues, raising a finger, "I'm the one who told him about the similarities between his and Utsuho's powers. It's likely he looked into the matter and they hit it off. Thirdly, and this is the big one, he's still intimidated by you. He said outside that they needed someplace to stay the night, but he's refusing to act submissive because of what you pulled."

"…Ah…" Remilia droned, slowly smirking. "So, in the thick of things, I have the upper hand here…"

"No." Patchouli quickly interrupted, looking the vampire in the eyes. "Remilia, if you manipulate their need for shelter, you'll just feel more guil-"

A glare from Remilia cut off the magician in her tracks.

"…Ah, fine. You'll feel more like you took cowardly steps to assert your self-proclaimed position, does that phrasing work better for you?" Patchouli corrected herself. "Either way, for Flandre's sake and to keep Okuu from reacting violently, just consent to this dinner and whatever conversation you need to have with him, have it afterwards. Alright, is that acceptable?"

"Hmph. Not really, but for the sake of avoiding unnecessary chaos…" Remilia trailed off, glaring to the side. "Fine. But if he tries to make any demands, he and Reiuji both can go sleep where China usually does."

"Fair enough." Patchouli smiled. "Like I said, he's still intimidated."

* * *

"Pull!"

On Flandre's command, the shaking fairy maid chucked the plate as far and hard as she could before diving for cover. Flandre grinned, squeezing her fist in the direction of the flying plate.

"Kyuu!"

_**Kaboom!**_

Me and Koakuma clapped at Flandre's showmanship, her fifth plate destroyed. Okuu just yawned and readied her control rod.

"Pull!" Koakuma yelled this time, another maid tossing a plate before diving away.

"Hyaah!" Okuu shouted, shooting a thin orange beam. The point of the beam hit the plate, engulfed it in an orange outline, then disintegrated it.

"Wooooooow…!" Flandre gasped with wide eyes. "You can kyuu things and make them disappear! That's so great!"

"Hee, you really think so?" Okuu smiled. "Thanks!"

Me and Koakuma hung in the back on the opposite end of the table, subtly exchanging a high-five. Through danmaku, of course. I hadn't forgotten the five-foot rule.

"Wow, Mr. Randa, you were right!" The assistant whispered. "Give them some targets to blast, and you can't tell the difference!"

"What'd I tell you?" I retorted in a hushed tone. "Now pay up, seven hundred yen."

"Oh, well… I didn't think I'd lose…" Kokauma responded with an embarrassed blush. "I-I'll ask Miss Patchouli for a loan later."

"You'd better."

The door to the dining hall suddenly opened, revealing Remilia in a light pink gown, followed closely by Patchouli in her usual attire.

"Well, I see you are bonding." Remilia said with a yawn, luckily not noticing the remains of plates that the maids quietly gather from the corners of the room before leaving. "In any case, I, for one, could use some nourishment."

With a snap of her fingers, the fairies all stop what they're doing and rush into the kitchen, noises of hurried preparation able to be heard.

…Oh, that's right! "Fairies"!

"Hey, Koakuma," I call over to the succubus, who responds with a head tilt, "you had the maids take Cirno, right? Do you know how she's coming along?"

"She's fine. Not very hurt at all, really." Koa shrugs. "Aside from some bruising, she's just bellyaching over her loss."

Meh, I should have figured. Okuu shares my sentiment by sighing heavily.

"Well, it was still rather considerate of you, bringing someone who went out of their way to bother you here to recover." Patchouli addressed us. "Ryan, good to see you again. Utsuho Reiuji, a pleasure."

"Oh, hello, Miss Patchouli!" Okuu said with a wave. "Ryan told me you helped him make a Spell Card. You sound like a really nice lady!"

"Oh? Well, it's good to know that what you say behind my back is positive." Patchouli smiled with a raised brow, causing me to rub the back of my neck sheepishly. "Though we will need to have a talk about that…perhaps with another electric game of catch?"

"Maybe you could settle for ripping another Spell Card out of me?" I say with hands held up defensively. "I've got another one prepped for extraction."

"Oh, really?" Koakuma asked. "Well, that's always good! Where'd this one come from?"

There was a coughing noise from the far end of the table. Ignoring it, I went on to elaborate.

"Alright, alright. Get this." I grin and raise my hand, before motioning them towards Flandre twice, who was kicking her feet around and humming happily to herself. Everybody was dumbfounded.

"…A Spell Card from _Flandre_. As in our Flandre?" Patchouli asked for clarification. "Should we move the extraction process to the basement so the whole house doesn't come down?"

"Ooh, that's a good plan!" Flandre cheered. "I can show Ryan and Okuu my new dolls that nee-sama had Sakuya get for me!"

Another cough could be heard, followed by a muttering sound.

"Nah, it's cool. It's just a ripoff of "Four of a Kind"." I say. "Still though, Flan, maybe Okuu would-"

"AHEM."

The person who had been coughing, now revealed to be Remilia, abruptly stands from her chair, her left eye twitching slightly.

"I must say that the maids are taking a _very_ long time." She wrung her hands some, then whirled around towards the kitchen door. "I'm just going to go make sure they speed things up a little, okay? Okay."

Whack!

We all sit in silence for a few seconds following Remilia's leave through the _hallway_ door, rather than the kitchen door.

"…Well, now." Koa says finally. "That was…um."

"Somebody ought to go talk to her." Patchouli added. "Preferably the one with the most obvious difference from the rest of us."

All eyes fell in me. What, do I have something on my face? …Wait.

"Is it because I'm male or because I'm human?"

"Yes." Was Patchouli's answer.

Groaning with a face palm to accompany it, I halfheartedly raise from my chair and sluggishly make for the hallway door.

* * *

"What, am I being deliberately ignored? Trying to get friendly with my sister and best friend so they take his side?" Remilia growls to herself. "I ought to have him and the bird leave this minute, this isn't going to work!"

"Hi."

"Kyah!" Remilia shouts, jumping at my sudden presence. "H-How long were you standing there?"

Eyebrow-raising seems to be the theme of the night, one I have no qualms with continuing.

"…Hmph. Fine, let's not beat around the bush." Remilia resigns herself, folding her arms over her chest. "Yukari told you the real reason my sister ended up attacking you. What, are you expecting a heartfelt apology? A request for forgiveness?"

"Nope. I know better than to get my hopes up." I respond, putting my hands in my pocket. "I'd just like for you to come out and say it yourself. What you did, I mean."

Remilia taps her foot impatiently.

"…Oh. And, um," I hesitate here, trying to hide my embarrassment, "to crash here for the night. Y'know, um. If it's…not too much trouble."

"…I see what your game is." Remilia smirks diabolically. "You think I won't be able to outright confess what I had done because my guilt, or shame, or whatever you humans call it will hold my tongue. Am I right so far?"

Damn. Guess I'm not that clever, but then she _has_ lived for five hundred years. Maybe I should just-

"Hold it. I've yet to humor your little plea." Remilia snaps, keeping me from going anywhere. "Here it is: I used you, Randa. When you told me that you were in Yukari's favor, I planned to sacrifice you to get back at the Border Youkai for heavily limiting my feeding possibilities, and to get out of taking my sister to where I might acquire blood. Well, is that satisfactory?"

At first, I thought that perhaps my idea had been a lost cause. However, when I turn around, the frustrated pout on Remilia's face tells me that perhaps this was a good idea after all. It was a bad idea, however, to adopt a triumphant air when she's still looking right at me.

"Don't you dare get smug. The only reason I can view my actions as regrettable now is because of how you responded towards my sister." Remilia huffed. "If you had showed her any grudge, rest assured, I would have had you thrown out of here in an instant."

Heh. It doesn't look like she's lying. …I guess that means now I have to take back my prior thoughts. Damn, I was really hoping I'd get the upper hand. Oh well, can't win 'em all!

"Well, in that case, I'm sorry." I say. The corner of Remilia's mouth turns up slightly.

"Oh, how surprising!" She says with a light cackle. "Have you understood the folly of trying to undermine a vampire's great intellect?"

"Actually, no." I say, nearly causing her to facefall. "Truth is, I was pretty livid when I saw just how many years Flandre had been left without blood while you indulged yourself. I thought you must be one _terrible_ older sibling. But, seeing as how I would have treated her was your deciding factor, I guess I was wrong in some part."

We stand there for some time before Remilia turns away from me.

"…You know, I never would have known that she's been practicing her technique." Remilia says quietly. "If you hadn't allowed her to drink of your blood, I wouldn't have known how much she has matured on her own. It's not by much, but the proof is there regardless."

I see. Best to be gracious from here on out, because that was a "thank you".

"I appreciate it." I allow myself a smile. "…Soooooo, how about that food, huh?"

"We just made amends and you're demanding food." Remilia deapans, looking over her shoulder.

"Ah, that's not-" I stammer, "no, really, I was-"

"Good! It seems Patchy was right!" Remilia grins, pulling a heel face-turn and making for the kitchen door. "Come on, stop acting so cowardly and let's get back to the table!"

…I think I just got punked. Oh well, at least there's still-

"Ah~! That was refreshing!" Comes Okuu's voice.

Me and Remilia stand there with our mouths hanging open. Seems like we got back just in time to see the others _finish _dinner.

"Hi Miss Remilia!" Okuu giggles. "Thanks so much for the dinner!"

"M-My lady!" Koakuma yelps, jumping up in her chair and nearly knocking herself over. "This isn't what it looks like, we were going to wait for you! Honest!"

"Hey, Remi. Hey, Ryan." Patchouli yawns. "Sorry, but we had been waiting for quite some time. I'm sure it's not that big of a deal, right?"

Me and Remilia exchange an extremely dissatisfied glance. We then turn back to the table.

"Flandre, dear," Remilia croons sweetly, "could you please go into the other room, maybe show Miss Utsuho your toys?"

"Yeah, Okuu! And you can tell Flan all about the reactor." I say through a forced grin. "Please, take your time."

Flandre giggles eagerly, latching onto Okuu's arm and dragging her from the table. The two destructive youkai leave the room, leaving Patchouli and Koakuma with me and Remilia. The vampire raises a hand to the air while I reach into my pocket.

"N-Now hold on!" Koakuma cries. "It was just a dinner, right?"

"Remi, Ryan, let's just…be reasonable." Patchouli starts, hands raised defensively. "I know I had a hand in your absence, but-"

"_Critical "Heart Break" !_"

"_Plasma Sign "Energy Volley" !_"

* * *

"Lady Patchouli, pass the ice bag, please…"

"Not now, Koakuma. I'm busy finishing up here."

I laid pinned up to a large board adorned with magical seals on it in the library, awaiting my Spell Card extraction. Koakuma was nursing a black eye while Patchouli held a purple, swollen cheek. Suffice to say me and Remilia got the point across pret-ty good.

"You know," Patchouli began, stopping to hold the throbbing skin of her face, "I really shouldn't even be doing this after what you pulled."

"You chose to permit the meal to go on without us." Remilia sang with an air of superiority. "If you don't want a repeat performance, I'd advise you to be gracious and help the boy with his card-forming, hm?"

On one hand, they pretty much deserved that. On the other hand, I can't imagine Patchouli explaining this to Sakuya and Mei by saying she fell down some stairs.

"If it's any consolation, that shade goes great with your wardrobe!" I call over the humming of magical energies forming in Patchouli's hands.

"Stop that talk or we'll go back to extracting it the painful way-" She stopped, talking a moment to mull over something. "…Does it, really?"

Remilia cupped her mouth with both hands. I really hope she doesn't lose her cool while I'm pinned against a plank, the kind of place where one would be subject to arcane tortures. No sir, so I'll just roll with this before Patchy gets any funny ideas.

"Uh, yeah! Positive." I continue, giving a thumbs-up. "A bit of blush of that color would go great with your complexion!"

Remilia falls out of her chair at this point, her wings flapping and some choked sounds escaping her hands while Koakuma looks on, severely unamused.

"…Huh. I'll have to keep that in mind." She says, taking up a mirror to examine the hue and jotting down a few notes. To be fair, what I said was only half a lie. Given her whole "violet" thing, a bit of color in her face would go a long way. Plus, I wouldn't have to classify her as "Magical Pajama Zombie" anymore. "At any rate, hold still."

_**Fzzzzzzzt!**_

"Wh-Wooooaaah…" I drone, my senses temporarily knocked out by a surge of energy linking her hands to my chest. This feels so trippy…like being underwater, but not, if that makes any sense. …I'm sure it doesn't, but that's what I have CS for. "How'd you say you altered this again?"

"It was a simple process of altering the wave's density into thinner particles that could pass into your body with greater ease. The numbness was the result of me adding a compound that would create a slight euphoric effect." Patchouli explained, beginning to "pull" on the beam. "I'm not sure when I'll ever use this besides in this situation, but it sates my curiosity to know it's working."

"Heh…y-yeah…" I add with a dopey smile. "That euphoric compound…what'd you say it was?"

"No." Patchouli immediately frowned. "I'm not going to be responsible for an enhanced human's addiction."

Well, damn. I mean, I was never a hophead, mind you, but… Curiosity! That's all it is.

"Oh come on, Patchy." Remilia smiled. "With how Yakumo is so party-prone, a little distribution here and there might be welcomed!"

Patchouli just rolled her eyes at Remilia's sudden interest before yanking her hands backwards. A bright light began to shine from the mark in my chest, creating a bullseye on the wall. The light in the cross part's center began to reshape itself, forming a rectangular edge. In my painkiller-induced carelessness, I reach up and grab at it. It's solid and flat. Throwing caution to the wind, I gently tug on it, feeling something begin to slip out of my upper body. I pull on it more firmly and roughly, until…

_**Fwip!**_

Huh. Just like that, like pulling a card from a deck, I'm holding a rectangle of white light in my hand. The light dims and begins to take color, gradually creating the final product. Soon enough, I'm holding a card showing an image of two masculine silhouettes, one holding a gun while the other holds a sword. The text reads "Taboo Incarnate "Mirrored Catastrophe" ".

"Well?" Patchouli calls, snapping me from my slight trance.

"Uh, yeah! This is the one!" I hold up the card to show her.

"Wonderful." Patchouli descends from the air, making for her desk. "Koakuma, drop him."

The assistant motions her hand towards the board, which glows with a green light. …Hang on, is she going to-?

_**WHUMP.**_

"Agh!" I yelp as gravity suddenly takes notice, and propels me to the floor. "Ouch. I thought you said this version was painless?"

"Cheer up!" Koakuma shouts over to me. "If nothing else, that shade of red on your face goes _great_ with your complexion!"

The door to the library swings open, revealing Flandre running in in her airplane-fashion with a doll in one hand, followed closely by a starry-eyed Utsuho.

"Hiiiii, nee-sama!" Flan shouts, taking a flying leap and glomping her sibling.

"Ah~, Ryan you've got to see some of the stuff they have here!" Okuu squeals, screeching to a halt next to my crumpled form. "They've got a clock tower, and a huuuuuge backyard, and comfy beds, and-and-" She stammered, waving her arms. "_So many bathrooms! _When we get back, you have to help me convince Master Satori to get some of these things!"

"Totally. I'll put that on the to-do list." I groan with a weak thumbs up. "I'm sure we can get you all the bathrooms you'd like."

"Yaaaaay~!" The raven cries, scooping me up from the floor and hopping up and down with her arms around my shoulders. "Thanks, partner!"

With how adorable Okuu is sometimes, all she would have to do is look at Satori like she was going to cry. Hell, I bet that three-eyed mother bear would go to war with the surface to get her a new toy. Speaking of acting violently over small things…

"Hey!" I call over the commotion. "Where's Cirno at right now, anyways?"

* * *

"Eye keep telling you!" Cirno screamed, freezing another maid, "I don't work here! I'm the strongest!"

The generic, nameless fairies that continued chasing her down the halls exchanged a look of disbelief. This other fairy was such an idiot. Why couldn't she understand that fairies naturally worked for small vampires and that individuality was an old wives tale that older fairies told young ones to help them sleep at night? Honestly, the _nerve_ of some people.

Cirno whirled around, gathering ice over her head to form a massive ball.

"Get away from me!" She yelled, heaving the gigantic frozen obstacle over her head, crushing the two fairies who had been tailing her. "Ah…ha…"

She clenched her fists tightly in front of her chest before pointing towards the ceiling.

"Curse you, _Randa_! This was your plan all along! You were so afraid of me you had to team up with that monster bird and imprison me here! Well, It won't work!" She placed her fists on her hips and thrust her chest outwards. "Nothing can stop me, the great traveling warrior Cirno! I will punish all those who would stand in my way, including you! Foolish archrival, you don't know who you're messing with! _Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-_"

"Excuse me?"

Cirno practically choked on her own laughter when she realized that a troupe of fairy maids were watching her, and had been for a few minutes.

"Uh, yes, hello." The maid who had spoken repeated. "Exactly…who…did you think you were talking to?"

The maids and Cirno stared each other down for some time.

"…Kyyyyyaaaaaah~!" Cirno cried, bashing the maid who had spoken over the head with a block of ice. "How dare you sneak up on me, spiiieees!"

"Enough of this." One of the others growled, picking her friend up off the floor. "Restrain that nut job. And for crying out loud, get her back in uniform, she's going to get us all in trouble!"

"H-Hey! Get away from me! Let go!" Cirno fought against the fairies who, three to a limb, began to drag her back in the direction from which she came. "You fiends can't hold me! Hey, are you listening? Do you know who I am? EYE'M THE STRONGEST…!"

The maid holding her friend just scoffed at Cirno's outrage.

"New recruits, I swear." She hefted her friend over her shoulder. "Let's get you patched up."

* * *

"Ah-HA! So, it would seem that I was right after all!" Came the voice from a figure hidden in the bushes outside the mansion's main gate. "The Commander's intel was excellent! Even more clever of her to hide it in the vault, forcing me to break in and prove my readiness for this mission! They must have the utmost faith in my power!"

The figure rolled out of the bushes…clear into the bushes on the opposite side of the entry. In short, he went absolutely nowhere.

"The raven and her human minion have come here…they must intend to collaborate with the vampire of this mansion!" The figure lurking the in the bushes clenched his fists, bunching up his gloves. "The cowardly fools! They've led me straight to their meeting place, and that shall be their undoing!"

The person finally jumped from the bushed, floating in the air and striking a cheesy heroic pose.

"The time has come! Reiuji shall rue the day she thought she could get the best of Chino, lieutenant first-class of-"

_**Twang!**_

"_Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!_"Chino cried, soaring through the air and into the lake. The swarm of bees that had stung him in the seat of his pants retuned to Wriggle Nightbug, who was glaring out of a hole in the ground on the lake's edge with bags under her eyes.

"I just got walloped by Hakurei this afternoon, I do _not_ need this kind of nuisance!" She bellowed, spitting at the dirt. "Now _shut up already_! It's the middle of the night, and we _all_ can freaking hear you!"

Chino bobbed up to the lake's surface, muttering angrily and glaring at the insect youkai.

"Foolish youkai!" He spat, shaking his fist. "Enjoy your tomfoolery while it lasts! Soon, you shall all bow before-"

"I said," Wriggle began, heaving a rock over her head, "_Shut up!_"

The large stone crashed into the water dangerously close to Chino's head with a sizable splash, prompting the sparrow to get the hell out of dodge.

"EEP! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He cried, covering her head with one hand as he made his way back towards the mansion.

* * *

**D'AWWWW, isn't that precious, how a psychotic vampire child and a schizophrenic god-bird can get along when blowing things up? So wonderful.**

**Remilia can be nice, I swear she can! She just needs to be in a good mood and have complete advantage over the situation beforehand. After that she's a peach. Especially when hurting and/or making fun of people.**

**Chino's back, and apparently he stole the Commander's intel thinking himself entitled to it. That kid's just going to end up getting hurt so many times…and I'm going to enjoy conducting it. Surprise-surprise, Cirno's not the punching bag of the story! She's just the comic relief who can't catch a break.**

**Next chapter, we shall have- oh, enough of this. Let's not even pretend it's going to be a fair fight, it's just going to be Chino trying to survive this dumb, dumb decision on his part.**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!**


	22. Chapter 22

**IT'S ALIVE, IT'S A-LIIIIIIIIIVE.**

**No author notes for today. Been working an eight-hour shift for the past three weeks. Was helping family in Phoenix before that. Tired. Go sleepy now.**

_**WHUMP.**_

* * *

Chapter 22: Only Fools and Sparrows

In the quiet of the night, in the darkest shadows, there are few who would dare venture into Gensokyo's harsh wilderness. During that time, the wild youkai and fairies become fierce, thirsty for mischief or hungry for flesh. Because of this, save for very select few humans, going out at night can go from being simply disastrous to downright suicidal, along with some varying unimportant levels of danger in-between. This, of course, also applies to many of the lesser youkai the occasional free-thinking fairy.

But even with the threat of a random attack, one soul would still dare leave himself exposed, one soldier would have the tenacity to venture the harsh conditions for the sake of his clan!

…

Of course, this would be much more impressive if the poor dope actually _knew_ any better.

"Where is the blasted entrance, already?" Chino hissed, sneaking about the mansion's perimeter. "Surely the hidden passage is around here somewhere…"

Vampire Rule No. 1: Always expect some level of trickery. Chino knew this quite well. However, he was quite unacquainted with Vampire Rule No. 2. The rule that reads, "when you approach a vampire's abode, the front door is, in fact, a front door and not booby trapped".

"They won't fool me! Such a large opening, so classy-looking and inviting… Well, I won't fall for such an obvious security measure!"

Yeah… He _skimmed _those rules at best.

_**Clang!**_

"Ugh…!" Chino bit his lip to avoid crying out as a large basin fell on his head from above.

Rule No. 3: Always accept direct entry to a vampire's abode, lest you run into the _real_ traps.

* * *

"Hiyaaaaaah!" I roared as loudly as I could, making my next move. "Take this!"

"-Ah!" Patchouli gasped, choking on her own breath. "H-How…did you…?"

"Nothing but skill, lady." I respond with a toothy grin. "Are you ready to lay down your defenses?"

"…Something's wrong, Mr. Randa." Koakuma butted in. "You seem way too confident."

"What? No, you're imagining-"

_**Smack!**_

Kh-! Koakuma bypassed the five-foot radius, smacking me across the face. Darn it, how did…she… Awaah, hit me again, Koa-sama~…

Koakuma reaches under my arm, pulling out what I had concealed. Seeing the object, she scowled and smacked me over the head.

"An Ace of Spades, Mr. Randa?" She snapped. "I can't believe you were cheating against Miss Patchouli!"

"Abuhbuh…" I babble, the presence of a succubus really not doing much for my mental health.

"Oh. Um, sorry!" Koakuma mutters, quickly backing away with a red face. "I'm still not good with this."

I shake my head to clear the fog from my mind, while Patchouli, with a heavy sigh, begins to pick the cards back up from our table. Placing them back into the box one by one, she shakes her head at me with a mocking smile.

"What?" I demand. "What other chance did I have to beat a Magician Youkai in a card game?"

"Yaaaaaah~!"

_**Crash!**_

The three of us immediately shoot up from our places, looking towards the window. Okuu flew by, control rod outstretched with a red light at the top. She was soon followed by Flandre, who was swinging her wand about with an expression similar to that of a child on Christmas morning. Finally, they were being chased by Remilia, whose eyes were shut tight as she howled protests after them.

"Onward!" Okuu cried triumphantly, "To victory~!"

"Yaaaaaaay!" Flandre shouted, arms reaching for the raven as she followed her around. "Three cheers for Okuu-senpaaaiiii!"

"Hold on! Flandre! Oh, you idiot bird!" Remilia snapped, waving her fists about. "What in the world are you teaching my sister, you feathered Amazon?"

Me, Patchy and Koa exchange a glance before turning back to where they had just flown by.

"Well, that's heartwarming!" I start with a nervous chuckle. "Those two crazies…getting along as they are? Ha-ha…?"

"Ryan… You are a good influence on the Hell Raven, I'll give you that much." Patchouli began slowly. "…But allowing her to impress her ways upon the little sister? Just how badly do you want to get kicked out?"

"Oh come on, Patchouli!" I grin, putting a hand on her shoulder. "I mean, look, she's even calling Okuu 'senpai' ! Doesn't that just touch you, deep down inside?"

"Yes. Specifically, it touches my intestinal tract and other organs as soon as they decide to get 'creative' with their destructive tendencies." The librarian coolly replied. "Now hand off the shoulder, before I decide to _experiment_ with your powers further."

Oh, you know, that is an interesting book over there! Yeah, the one waaaaay over there. I'll just go read it, like, right now.

_**Thoom!**_

A loud sound of impact echoed through the spacious room, accompanied by the slams of no less than three bookshelves being overturned.

"Whoops! Sorry about that, Remilia-san!" Came a sheepish apology from Utsuho on the other side of the shelves.

"Ah…! My bust! You fool!" Remilia shrieked. "I spent _hours _on that! Do you have any idea what it's like waiting that long for those to be made?"

"Aw, come on, nee-sama!" Flandre chirped. "You still have thirty of them around the mansion!"

"But I _used_ to have thirty-one!" The elder vampire roared indignantly.

Koakuma and Patchouli's eyes fall on me. It's funny how they actually expect me to go over there. …Yep, they haven't gotten the hint yet. I quickly picked up a book that had fallen and pretended to read it. I occasionally flipped through a page or two, their gaze not yet turned away.

"Mr. Randa, at least make it convincing." Koakuma urged. "Honestly, the book's _upside down._"

Call it a hunch, but I don't think I'm fooling them.

…

Groan. Moan-angst-whine. Fine, I'll do it. But I won't like it. And just so you know I don't like it, I'll make a large show of striding with my back hunched and shoulders raised!

The scene that awaits me is what I imagine an apocalyptic aftermath would be…in a library, and brought about by a god-infused raven and a tiny psychopath. Okuu lies on her back, atop a fallen bookcase. Flandre, apparently having crashed into Utsuho, is laying atop her abdomen, giggling like there's no tomorrow. Meanwhile, Remilia is kneeling beside a pile of porcelain rubble, mourning the loss of her fallen likeness.

"Hilarity ensues" ? Well, normally. But I don't want to be force-fed raw electricity again, so…

"Hi, Ryan!" Utsuho said with a wave, at which Flandre's head shot up from the raven's middle, and she waved as well. "We were just playing tag! You wanna join us?"

… "Tag", huh?

Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh…

_**THWACK!**_

WHY WITH THE BOOK IN MY FACE.

"Hey!" She snapped, glaring in the direction of Koakuma, who nervously waved and hid the next book she was going to throw behind her back.

"Actually," I begin, finger raised, "we should probably start thinking about where we're gonna sleep. We got a lot of ground to cover tomorrow if we want to hit Kappa River and the Tengu Mountains."

Utsuho ponders this and, with some reluctance, nods. Although, given how Flandre's giving Okuu a bear hug, I don't think she's too keen on us leaving to find some guest rooms.

"Flandre," Remilia calls, gliding over to us and playing off of what I started, "they do have a very important job to do. It wouldn't be very polite to cause me-_them_ trouble, now would it?"

Nice save, Count Brat-cula.

"B-But…" Flandre whimpers, eyes tearing up, "can't we play for a little longer, nee-sama? Pleeeaaase?"

Well, isn't this going to be difficult.

"Hey."

What's this? Okuu's trying to talk her down, of all people?

"Come on, we had a lot of fun." The raven smiles, patting the vampire on the head. "But we've got to go to a whole lot of places to make sure people in Gensokyo aren't getting hurt, so we'll need sleep." She pauses, choosing her next words carefully. "Besides, I'm sure we could play again tomorrow morning!"

"Really?" Flandre squeaks out with a pout and big, shimmering eyes. "P-Promise?"

"…Yeah! Of course!" Okuu responds, grinning and returning to her usual whimsical self.

Wait. The eye. The one in her chest, it was glowing just now!

Utsuho notices my stare. Rather than assume I was staring at a -certain- part of her body like most girls would, she babbles something unintelligible, eyes darting to the sides. Flandre, having been talked down, gets up from the taller girl's middle, running off to talk to her sister.

"Um, is there a problem?" She stammers with a forced smile. "P-Partner?"

I move forward from where I am, offering a hand for her to get up.

"You know, we're going to have to talk about that eye eventually." I say, eyebrow raising. Okuu looks down, uncertain, before nodding to herself and accepting my hand.

"O-Okay. But, can we talk about this somewhere else?"

* * *

"Well, you've certainly put up quite the fight, mansion." Chino hissed. "Washtubs, ironing boards, loose bricks, nails, low ceilings, _sharp corners…_"

The sparrow puffed out his chest, desperately clinging to a vine growing on the side of the building.

"But I'm still coming! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha~!" He continued his ascent, climbing one hand over the other. "Here in Gensokyo, most everyone can fly! They'd never expect someone to actually take the staggering time and effort to climb up the side, now would they? Truly, it takes an uncommon mind such as mine to dream up such strategy!"

Yes. Climbing a vine. A vine growing up the side of a house. Truly, it would take an uncommon mind to think of that.

_**Snk!**_

"…Ah?" Chino whined.

Because any other person could tell you that any vines growing on the side of a house will, in most cases, _not_ be able to support a person's weight.

_**SNAP!**_

"Curseeeeeeessssssss!" Chino cried.

_**THUMP.**_

From the window on that side of the mansion, looking out from the kitchen, a certain blonde youkai's head popped out to scope the area.

"…Huh." Rumia shrugged. "I thought I heard someone out here."

"Oi, new girl! Hurry up with that soup, the folks upstairs are hungry!" Came a voice from inside the kitchen.

"Oh?" Rumia said, a dumb smile on her face as she looked over her shoulder. "Is that so~?"

"Yes, actually." The voice answered.

"…Oh." Rumia said, her expression a dull one. "Okay, that's fine then."

She slammed the window shut. On the ground, a feeble finger was raised in protest.

"This isn't over by a long shot, _house._" Chino groaned.

* * *

The library's a pretty swell room. One of the best things about it is the convenient balcony overlooking the backyard. It makes for an ideal place for private conversations, like when you're going to ask your friend about a glowing eye in her chest that it seems she's been talking to.

"So, um," Okuu begins, tapping her fingers together as she leaned back against the wall, "you noticed?"

"Kinda hard not to." I shrug, standing next to her. "Every time you start acting different, that eye in your chest glows. So…wanna talk about it?"

Okuu takes a deep breath, kneeling to sit against the wall.

"Well…um, how should I say this? I…I have voices in my head." She pauses. "Oh! N-Not _voices!_ Just _one_ voice, really! I-I… Wait, that's just as bad, huh?…"

"Just calm down. It's fine." I say in a soft tone. "Start over, okay?"

"Okay. Well, you know how I…ate a god's body, to get as strong as I am now?" She begins. I nod. "So, about a week, I think, after that shrine maiden and the witch beat me, I started seeing someone in my dreams. Someone who looked just like me, except she was made of fire. She spoke in a lot of broken sentences…but she said real clearly that her name was Yatagarasu."

Yatagaras- Wait, hold it!

"The same as the god whose body you fed on?" I ask to clarify. She nods. Well…her body was dead, but when you consider she was a god, maybe her spirit could have lived on? I dunno, something with _that's_ a bit odd.

"She said she died due to lack of faith." Okuu spoke up. "But, because faith could pick up at any time, her spirit was left in her body. Then Lady Kanako came along, and…"

"Let me stop you, real quick." I say. "Who's Kanako?"

"Lady Kanako is a mountain god, and the one who brought Yatagarasu to me. She also has helped lead the reactor's maintenance." She explains. Notably, her expression lit up a bit. I guess she's pretty fond of Kanako! "Anyway, after Yatagarasu first showed up, she started showing up more and more in my dreams. Telling me who I should be careful of, how to better my control over nuclear energy, things like that. Sometimes when I can't figure out the answer to a problem, she'll speak up and tell me."

"And that's why the eye in your chest glows?" I ask.

"Yeah, it means she's awake, or as close to awake as she can get." Utsuho says. All of a sudden, her face changes to a wistful smile. "It's weird, though…she says I should be careful of Lady Kanako, as well as that red and white shrine maiden. I don't want to think they're enemies, but…Yatagarasu has been really helpful to me so…"

Best not to question a god's word, especially one who doesn't seem to begrudge Okuu for…well, _eating_ her. Who she can and can't trust, huh…?

"Ahem." I clear my throat. "So, um…what does she think about me?"

"You? She said you're fine. I can totally trust you!" Okuu smiles. She then leans in close, putting a hand around her mouth and my ear, as if it was a big secret. "Although, between you and me, though, I think she's a bit cranky because somebody else gets power from the sun!"

"Oh, really?" I play along with a toothy grin. "We better not let her know you think that, then!"

She breaks into a fit of giggles, which I can't help but accompany with a bout of guffawing laughter. The raven's wing flaps against my shoulder, enticing me to playfully bat it away. Okuu mischievously smacks me in the face with the wing, and I slap it away again. We continue this for about half a minute before calming down.

"…Aw, what a ripoff!"

Eh? Who was…

"Come on, Koakuma. You shouldn't have expected so much."

"Unyuu?" Utsuho blinks, sitting up higher. "Is someone watching us?"

"But they're on a _balcony!_" Koakuma's voice rung in a low whisper. "I thought for sure it'd end up like in one of my manga series!"

I rest a hand on some vines in the wall, drawing in solar energy. Okuu subtly materializes her control rod.

"One of your-? I swear, this is _reality!_"The second person, who I recognize as Patchouli snaps. "I'm going to stop having Sakuya get those books from Kourindou if they'll fill your head with such nonsense!"

We both slowly turn around to see the two peering out of the glass door. Koakuma is pouting at the ground in a disappointed way, arms folded. Patchouli leans out above her, giving her assistant an irritated glare. I tap the side of my buster loudly, Okuu rapping the tip of her weapon against the ground. The two immediately stop their disagreeing and go pale.

"…Um." Is all Koakuma can say. Patchouli stammers and goes into a coughing fit at being caught. However, she quickly adopts a more aggressive stance.

"You know what? No." Patchouli says angrily. "You and Remi already shot at us once, I won't take it this time."

I simply raise my gun to shoulder level. The electrodes in Utsuho's control rod pop out and crackle lightly.

"I'm among Gensokyo's most adept magicians!" Patchouli barks, Koakuma hiding behind her. "I didn't get that way by succumbing to intimidation. Come on, I _dare_ you. I _dare_ you to even _try_-"

_**KRA-KOOOOM!**_

* * *

"Ha-HA! I told you that you couldn't hold me!"

"For the luvva- SOMEBODY _RESTRAIN HER_, ALREADY!"

Cirno tore down the hall, ice sword in hand with triumphant laughter. She was followed closely by two fairy maids, whose clothes were ripped in several places and had thin sheets of ice on various parts of their bodies. Needless to say, Cirno was a bit much for them to handle.

"Kyaaaaah~!" Six more mussed-up maids came bouncing down the hall, from the direction Cirno had just gone in.

…Perhaps "a bit much" is putting it mildly.

Moments following the wacky chase scene, a male figure poked his head out from a turn in the hallways.

"…Well, now. That's fortuitous." Chino deadpanned, sniffing a bit. "No matter. This can only mean that the great birds in the sky are smiling upon my efforts! There can be no other logical explanation."

Chino darted out from his hiding spot, rushing towards a closed door and flattening himself against it.

"Now all I must do is find out where those villains have gathered. It should be simple enough; after all, those animals are so rambunctious." Chino said with a confident smirk.

"Ahem." A voice rang out.

"And once I have…!" Chino's smirk became a malicious grin. "And once I have, I'll exact my vengeance! The Hell Raven will pay dearly for making a fool of me!"

"Hello?" A younger voice this time.

"For who can best me amongst this rabble?" Chino beamed. "Nobody can surpass a soldier of the hallowed-"

"_Excuse me._"

"_WHAT?_"Chino snapped, glaring to his left. "Why on earth would you interrupt my glorious- …"

Chino's eyes met with those of Remilia Scarlet. Standing right next to her was her sister, Flandre. Neither of them seemed very amused.

"…Oh." Chino yelped, Remilia growing a devilish grin. "H-Hello, there…?"

"Hello," Remilia said in a falsely sweet tone, her eyes glowing red, "_intruder._"

* * *

Seriously, fan girls and their disillusions! And to think it's be Koakuma and Patchouli, of all people! Sure, Patchy insists she was just making sure Koa didn't do anything stupid, but given the way she sighs every time Koa says "but I was so certain…", I'm not buying it.

"So!" Utsuho begins, tugging tighter on the ropes that have the two book-goers tied up, "You're not gonna spy on us like that again, okay?"

"Okay, okay!" Koakuma yelps, eyes wide and teary. "Just let us go now!"

"I promise nothing." Patchouli drones at the same time, strangely keeping her cool completely.

"Utsuho," I say with a facepalm, "I never said to tie them up. Where'd you even get the rope from, anyway?"

Utsuho stops in her tracks, taking a good, long look at the rope. She glances down to the eye in her bust which glows faintly. She then waggles her end of the rope around a little.

"Unyuu." She finally sounds, "You know, I'm not really sure."

_**THOOOOOOM!**_

_Hurgh-! _That explosion felt uncomfortably familiar!

"Hey! Flandre's 'kyuu'-ing things without me!" Utsuho suddenly stands at attention. "Nobody said there was a game going on in the mansion!"

But Flandre left with her sister! Remilia wouldn't just let her blow things up for fun, would she?

The door to the library flings open, a small figure tumbling in through the wide opening. Once it comes to a stop, we can see it is Cirno, eyes swirling and limbs stretched out with her iconic sword laying next to her. She groans, shakes her head, and sits up.

"Ow~!" She groans, holding her head with angry eyes, tears welling up. "Darn it! That guy just got lucky!"

"Oh, good. Our local cannon fodder has arrived from thin air." Patchouli casually snarks while me and Utsuho make our way over to where she stopped. "She might be good for relieving this sudden bit of stress I've gone through."

"Hey, moron, what gives?" I ask, helping her support herself. "Don't tell me you got pummeled by the other fairies?"

"B-Back off, Randa!" Cirno bellows, slapping my hands away. "That Chino guy got me when my back was turned, that's all! Soon as I get back out there, I'll freeze him up and put him on display!"

"What?" Okuu asks, eyes widened. "Chino's here? Are you really sure?"

"Sure I'm sure!" Cirno responded with a glare. "He wouldn't shut up _about_ who he was!"

Utsuho rears back some, bringing her thumb to her mouth and biting her nail. …Why was she even fazed by this? Who is this Chino guy? Someone she hurt when during her episode? A distant relative who she didn't get along with?

…Le gasp! Now I remember!

"Chino? As in 'the guy who pointed a knife at you' Chino?" I ask. Utsuho hesitantly nods.

"Yeah… Yatagarasu says I shouldn't trust him, either…" She adds sheepishly.

_**Throb!**_

…Ugh…there's that…damnable headache again! Well, I don't know why Utsuho's worried about somebody she creamed so easily. Hell, I don't even know why the punk is here. What I do know is that he aimed a weapon _meant for penetrating the skin and drawing blood_ at a lady. Specifically, my pal.

It's… Freaking… _ON._

"Oh, there will be blood, little sparrow." I mutter darkly before speaking louder. "Okuu, let's you and me go get this guy!"

"Are you sure?" Utsuho asks, kicking at the carpet. "I mean, he's pretty weak, and if Flandre and Remilia-san are after him already, why should we bother?"

"_Because_, he pointed a kniiii…" I stop myself, lest I act unprofessionally. "Ah… Becaaaauuuse he'll, erm, cause property damage! Yeah, we don't want him breaking Remilia's really expensive things, do we?"

"Yeah, that's true…" Utsuho concedes, clenching a determined fist. "Okay, let's go!"

Me and Okuu take off, hopping over Cirno and making for the library door.

"Wait!" Koa yells. "Aren't you going to untie us?"

"…Can't Patchouli just burn the rope?" I ask.

In the next instant, the two of us are fleeing the library, from which erupt monstrous obscenities broken up by the occasional coughing fit.

"I don't think she thought of that." Okuu says, covering the top of her head.

* * *

"Kyuu!" Flandre shouts, squeezing her fist. An explosion appears out of thin air, focused around the marble Remilia bust behind which Chino was hiding. "Ha! Found you~!"

"_Flandre…!_"Remilia sputters, shooting bat-shaped red daanmaku at Chino. "Twenty-nine, Flandre, _twenty nine!_"

Chino yelped, jumping three feet in the air to avoid the Scarlet Devil's attack. He then flung himself from where he was, landing behind a chair.

"You pint-sized bloodsuckers!" Chino bellowed, waving an angry fist. "Begone! I'm not ready to launch my assault on you yet!"

Me and Okuu look down on the scene from over the balcony. Okuu looks to me and nods, it's the same guy. True to form, just like female youkai, male youkai can bear childlike forms. Almost makes me regret that I'm gonna whallop the little badger into next week.

"Let's get down there!" I exclaim, hopping over the railing. "_LEE-ROOOOOOOY JENKI-_"

_**WHUMP.**_

"Ow." Again, I fall upon my face. Why must mine poor proboscis be subject to such torture?

Chino, Remilia and Flan all immediately stop in their tracks at my fail. Okuu shrugs, flapping down next to me, only to get glomped by a sudden case of Flandre. Remilia just stares with an eye twitch while Chino slowly creeps from his hiding place.

"Okuu-senpai!" Flnadre cheered. "Did you decide to play me after all?"

"Hee-hee…no, sorry!" The raven grinned sheepishly patting Flandre on the head. "We just came down here because of all the noise."

"That's fine and good." Remilia said, turning back towards Chino's hiding spot. "Then maybe you could help us with-_where did that ingrate go?_"

_**Bang!**_

What? Nobody was helping me up, so I did the smart thing and shot at the sparrow before he could make a run for it. Honestly, it's not rocket science.

"Eep!" Chino yelp, hopping onto one foot at the sudden blast near his feet. He slowly turned to face me, the muzzle of my firearm letting off a bit of steam. "H-Hey! Don't just shoot someone when they're not looking!"

Does this guy really think he's in any position to impose hypocritical life lessons on anyone?

"You, sparrow-guy!" Okuu began, clearing her throat and stepping forward with a more assertive air. "Why are you causing problems for my friends? Do I need to burn you up again?"

"Ah…er, ahem!" Chino coughed, fidgeting under the pressure of Okuu's surprisingly firm glare. "T-Traitor Utsuho! I have come here to offer you a warning! You are to cease your activity regarding our business at once!"

Whoa, whoa, whoa, now back it up. This is still my operation, if the wannabe soldier over there is gonna be making threats, they'd _damn_ well better be at _me._

"So you and your buddies are responsible for all the ruckus that's been going on in Gensokyo lately?" I demand, getting to my feet and folding my arms over my chest. "Buddy, you'd best hope you can come up with a reason why the four of us shouldn't pummel the info we want out of you, and quick."

Chino glared in my direction, teeth clenching the tip of his tongue and eyes narrowed.

"_Blech! _Excuse me, _human_," He scoffs after retching in disgust, "but if I want an _ape's_ opinion, I'll ask for it!"

"Ape?" Flandre speaks up. "Nee-sama, what's an ape?"

"They're hairy, boorish creatures who are generally unclean and practice revolting daily habits, such as eating the bugs from others' fur or picking their noses." Remilia explains with a wave of her hand. She then turns to me with a mocking smile. "Keep in mind, Randa, they're _closely_ related to _you_ lot."

Ow. My pride.

_**Whirrr…**_

Eh?

"Yipe!"

_**BERKOOOOOOW!**_

A bright orange laser tore through the air, ripping through the shoulder of Chino's cloak and reducing Remilia's bust count to twenty-eight. All our eyes turn to Okuu, whose control rod is aimed at Chino with a glare that screams absolute murder. Meanwhile, Remilia cries in the background.

"I warned you." She says bluntly, free hand supporting her control rod. "You said bad things about Satori-sama, remember? Then you started in on Ryan, and I warned you to stop. But saying something meaning boo-…ah, hairy and revoltee…um."

I know I shouldn't, since Okuu's having her overprotective moment, but I facepalm anyway.

"Unyuu. A-Anyway!" She snaps out of her confused trance, steadying her signature tool. "I still heard 'ape' meaning hairy and unclean. That's a horrible thing to say, so _you_ didn't follow _my_ warning!"

"…Kh." Chino bears his teeth, shakily drawing a knife forged in the shape of a large feather from his cloak. "Bah! As if I'd expect a know-nothing traitor to remember even that far back!"

"HADOUKEN!"

_**BLAM!**_

"…Ah?" Chino whines, my charge shot blazing by his face and _narrowly_ avoiding yet another statue. He returns his attention to me. Good, I want the little punk nice and scared.

"Kids, there's nothing wrong with trying to cover for your own faults with false bravado." I say in a nasally pitch. "But if you're calling someone's friend unintelligent and are pointing something sharp at them, that's _no good_."

"Fine, then!" Chino whips out another knife, pointing this one at me, and elating a low growl from Okuu. "I've been training since I last fought the Hell Raven, I'm sure a weak human won't make a difference!"

_**Warble-warble-warble…**_

A red mist begins to cloud up from the space behind Chino, gathering like an aura about Remilia and Flandre. The sparrow doesn't look, but he cringes _so_ hard. I recognize that cringe. It's the ever-wonderful "well, eff me!" cringe!

"Perhaps you could not, or perhaps you could." Remilia says with a half-smile. "Either way, _good thing they are currently guests to a pair of powerful noble youkai._"

"You know…" Flandre says, eyes shimmering with excitement, "you look like you'd be real fun to break between four people!"

I suppose that it is at this moment our little friend realizes he's royally screwed. I'm surprised that he can still hold those daggers so firmly…I mean, when you consider how heavily the dude's arms are shaking, you think he'd lose his grip and send 'em flying across the room! Either way, it's time for a good ol' curb stomp. Oh, you _know_ you love it.

"Soo-_wee_, piggy-piggy-piggy." I grin, drawing my claymore roughly so it shrieks against its holster.

_**BeeYOOOOW!**_

In a moment, all that's left is a cloud of dust in the shape of his outline, trailing off in the direction he fled to. We all take a moment to appreciate this before tearing after him.

This is going to be the best thing since Danmaku Tag!

* * *

Cirno panted heavily, wings still fluttering slowly as she landed on one knee, a look of victory over her face. The only thing besides her in that particular section of hallway was the resulting poof! Given off by fallen fairies.

"Hah…hah…" Cirno wiped her forehead with the back of her arm. "Ha! Just goes to show, only I can be the strongest fairy! You would do good to remember that when you regenerate!"

"Hold it!"

Cirno rolled her eyes, looking behind her to see Koakuma rounding the corner, supporting her wheezing employer.

"Mukyu…Koakuma…" Patchouli spoke weakly, "I want that fool thrown in a cauldron of random serums, or I _will_… Ugh…"

"We didn't let off for causing a ruckus just so you could go and slay a dozen more of our maids! Why the heck are you killing fairies anyway?" She stopped at a tired cough from Patchouli, adjusting her position so the Magician was leaning against her shoulder. "N-Never mind that! Just get out before Patchouli-sama passes out from all this running around!"

_**Tmp-tmp-tmp…**_

"Hmph! So she can't keep up with me! That ain't my fault." Cirno boasts, cheekily wiping a finger under her nose. She didn't notice the approaching sound. "A sickly old lady ought to stay in bed, anyhow!"

_**Tmp-tmp-tmp…**_

"…_WHAT?_"Koakuma snaps, clenching her fists tightly at her side and allowing Patchouli to fall to the ground besides her with a resounding _**Whud! **_before speaking. She too didn't take note of the steadily growing noise. "Y-You…repeat yourself now, you snowflake, I _dare_ you!"

"Fine." Cirno smugly replies, leaning her upper body towards the two. "Old…lay…dee-"

"ALL IN THIS GENERAL DIRECTION, SCATTER!"

_**Cue music ~ Freaking Awesome Benny Hill Music!**_

The following is a good example of why you _always_ pay attention to the sound of hurried footsteps when in a world based on magic.

"_Gongola…!_" Ryan roars, following close behind Remilia, and being followed by Utsuho then Flandre as they rounded the opposite corner. The reason for their charge was a fearful sparrow who had a very small several meter lead on them. Now, before we go any further, take note - a sensible person would, at the sight of three powerful youkai and a human of considerable strength on a rampage, clear the hell out.

_**VRRRRRRRRRR-Whumple-whumple-whumple-whumple-whumple!**_

The reason why you pay mind to rushing footsteps in a world such as this? If you don't move, expect to be trampled. And take it with some dignity, why don't you?

"Ohgh…" Came the drawn-out groan from Koakuma, now covered in footprints and marks from vampire wings, artificial wings, and a large, metal control rod. "…Patchouli-sama, are you okay?"

"Ha-ha…" Cirno laughs weakly, pointing a finger towards the sky whilst laying on her back. "I didn't go '_**poof!**_'…yaaaaaaay…"

"Be. Silent." Patchouli says in a muffled voice, her mouth now full of carpet fibers. "Plotting. Revenge."

And now, back to the wacky chase scene!

"Oops!" Okuu winces, looking behind them. "My control rod knocked something that felt kind of weak…I think I broke another bust!"

"For your own sake," Remilia calls back, raising an arm which gathered red energy, "do not redirect my fury!"

The mistress struck her arm forward, shooting three bolts of red, bat shaped danmaku. Chino, looking over his shoulder, yelped and frantically cleaved through the three with his knife. Any triumph he might have gotten out of this feat was quickly erased when a white-hot globe roared over his head.

"Gah!" He cries, covering his head. "You people are crazy! Crazy I say!"

"You broke in, dude." Ryan shrugs, readying his claymore. "Now hold still and face the wrath of glorious chainsaw auras!"

"Kyaah!" Chino dives through the air, narrowly avoiding two crescent blades of emerald energy released by the sword's swing. Luckily, the path they were heading down lead to an oddly ripped-open hole in the wall. Chino wasn't about to question it. "Leave me alooooone…!"

"Whoo, little guy can book!" Ryan said with an impressed whistle. "Wait. Isn't that one of the holes Flandre made while chasing me?"

"No! Er, yes! D-Don't question me!" Remilia babbled, pushing her wings against the air heavily to speed up. "Although -of sheer curiosity- how many holes did you make, Flandre?"

"Hm. I dunno." Flandre pouted, cutely poking her lower lip with her index finger. "What's that word for two sixes?"

"Ooh! Ooh! A dozen!" Okuu suddenly shouted, clapping her hands together. "Yay, I remembered that one!"

"Okuu-senpai is so smart~!" Flandre sung, glomping onto the raven mid-flight. Ryan and Remilia just shared an exasperated glance.

"She's not this bad normally, I swear." Ryan said defensively. "Can be pretty smart, actually."

"To hell with this… **Stop!**" Remilia commanded, eyes briefly glowing red. Funny thing about red eyes, they're creepy and get people to stop acting stupid. Such as in the case of right now. "Okay, listen. Thanks to a minor oversight on my part, that little dope might have a good ten or more routes with which to flee that will be hard to anticipate."

"…Wait, then why stop?" Ryan asked, shocked at what he thought to be a logical fallacy. "Isn't that, y'know, why we're _chasing_ him?"

"I can read fate, you know. But I don't have to in order to see where this is headed." Remilia remarked, folding her arms over her chest. "If we keep up as we are, he'll just elude us for the rest of the night by taking a completely random turn every so often before ducking out a window while we're catching our breaths. This area of the mansion is laden with maids, so we have a moment to think of something while he runs into them."

At this moment, if one listened carefully, they would hear declarations of self-importance decorated with the occasional _**poof! **_, but we shall stay here as that is not interesting.

"Well…we could try to box him in?" Okuu asks, raising a finger slightly. "Then we could beat him up and find out what we want to?"

"That could work…in theory." Ryan said, stroking his chin. "Although, there's one thorny issue. You know, what with the whole 'randomly-made explosions', and all."

"HAVE AT THEE!"

_**Poof!**_

"And we're running low on time. Lovely." Remilia growled.

"I like Okuu-senpai's idea!" Flandre chimed in, throwing a fist in the air. "Box him in! Box him in!"

"Uh, Flan?" Ryan waved to get her attention. "We discussed this. The 'random' thing?"

Flandre, however, would have none of it. Bound and determined to support her senpai and get her sister's nuisance the hell out of their mansion, Flandre spun around in the air, gave an oddly western salute, then took off in a random direction. The others just stared on while Remilia slapped her hand to her forehead.

"Flan, _why…?_"The vampire groaned.

"Well, if it's already started, then…!" Okuu left her sentence unfinished before taking to the air. "I'm going this way! See you later, guys!"

"Wait, Utsuho-!" Ryan called after the raven, holding out a hand in protest, before letting it limply fall to his side. "Meh, fine. When in Rome…"

"Randa, please don't." Remilia sighed behind her hand. "Please act sensibly, or else I'll be the only one doing so. Don't take that from me, I have so little as it is."

"What are you talking about?" Ryan scoffed, eyebrow raised. He began taking off in the direction Chino went last. "You have plenty, you have a mansion for crying out loud."

Remilia stammered unintelligibly, trying to state that the human had entirely missed the point, but he was gone. Swearing under her breath and steeling herself for the idiocy destined to come, Remilia flew off in a direction to her right. She just hoped that the power of stupid people in large groups would be enough to win the day.

* * *

"Gah… Blasted cannon fodder." Chino panted, wiping the sweat from his brow. "I must make a note for our leader upon my return: 'Do not hire fairies as staff. It never helps'."

_**Creeeaaak…**_

"Ah! Caught up to me, have you?" Chino yelled, whirling around to meet the source of the sound. "Well, I'm ready! Have at thee!"

It was only an unconscious fairy rolling slightly on exposed floorboard. Chino slowly put his knife away, sighing in relief.

"Behind you, Buck-o."

"Gyaah!" Chino's eyes went wide, doing a one-eighty in midair and nearly dropping his weapon in the process. There behind him was Ryan, no weapons drawn, waving casually. "How many times are you clods going to sneak up on me?"

"Sneaking up on the intruder? That's an odd concept." Ryan sniffed, looking around. "Looks like you've had some fun while we were back there? Either way, you'll be coming with me, now."

"T-There is no need!" Chino retorted. "I delivered my message, so now I'll be leaving!"

"Yeeaah…funny thing about that, that's not how it works." Ryan said. "See, I was instructed by Gensokyo's bigwig to investigate this whole thing. You seem to know quite a bit, perhaps everything I need to know. Two plus two is four, man."

"Well, you'll be hard pressed to get any information from me, human." Chino growled, crouching in a battle stance. "You claim to be some kind of agent or official? Look at you, fool, you've nary a weapon at the ready!"

"That's the great thing about Utsuho being my friend. There's a fair bit she knows about energy manipulation." Ryan said, holding a palm upward. "Case in point, this."

_**Vwoop!**_

Chino's mouth went slightly agape as Ryan's expression became strained, before a blue danmaku globe rose up from the skin of his hand. Ryan sighed in relief, taking a moment to admire his handiwork.

"You know, I actually forgot I could do this until a few moments ago? And Okuu's the one who taught me how to do it, so there's that." He aimed the globe in Chino's direction. "Real quick, if I may, I've a riddle for you."

"A riddle." Chino stated, shaking his head. "Fine. Let's have it."

"Victim says 'what' ?"

"What?"

"**MIND CRUSH.**"

"YIPE!" Chino dove out of the way, avoiding the ferocious impact that would have otherwise occurred. "That wasn't a riddle! You just shot at me!"

"What was that?" Ryan called loudly, rearing back and readying another globe. "I couldn't hear you over the sound of me correcting you not being blasted yet!"

"Madness!" The sparrow chirped frightfully, hurdling over the next globe that Ryan chucked at him. Not willing to risk a case of third time's the charm, Chino about-faced and flapped his wings for all they were worth. "Gensokyo is fallen on its head if you're supposed to be their go-to man!"

"Aw, but that's why I'm building on the reputation!" Ryan grinned. "It'd go a lot quicker with your support, you know!"

"Forget it!" The sparrow shouted back, rounding the corner at the hall's end. For whatever reason, Ryan wasn't following him, but that was just _aces_ in Chino's book. After taking two more right turns in his frantic flight path, Chino slumped against the wall closest to him, breathing ridiculously hard. "Hairless ape…lobbing grenades of life force at me…what did I do to deserve this?"

"Well, for starters, you just called my friend mean names. Again. …Again."

Chino cringed so hard that his entire body actually scrunched up against the wall. He didn't even bother looking to see Utsuho a little ways away, control rod pointed towards his left temple. The sparrow shakily got up from the ground, holding up his palms defensively.

"I-I-I don't suppose we could settle this like sensible birds-" Chino began before tripping over his word choice, realizing he ought to phrase things very carefully. "Ah, _people! _Settle this like sensible _people. _Not forgetting your human friend and those in the underground, of course! Ha-ha…?"

"…Oh! Um, 'nice save, weakling' ! I think…" Utsuho responded to a sudden glow in the eye in her chest. "Right, I don't have to hurt you! All you have to do is tell us what we want to know, and I'll let you go."

"And I keep telling you dopes, I can't!" Chino stated, rising up with a bit more confidence. He reached his hand into his cloak. "Rgh, forget this drivel! I won't go quietly, traitorous wench!"

_**Ping!**_

A narrow beam shot from the control rod, knocking the feather-shaped knife from Chino's hand the moment he'd fully removed it from his cloak. The knife flew off down the hallway until it was clear out of sight. He didn't even change his expression; no changes about him at all occurred save for the beads of sweat that began to form on his brow.

"I'm really getting tired of those…" Okuu deadpanned, holding her control rod in her free hand. "If that's all you can do, this time won't be any different."

"Well, if this time won't be any different…" Chino began, taking a step backwards, "then I'll just do the same thing I did last time!"

"Oh, really?" Utsuho said with an oddly sudden giggle. "Okay! I guess I'll do that too, then!"

"What?"

_**BAM!**_

"_Hurgh…!_"Chino's eyes went wide and his cheeks puffed out, the air forced from his body as Okuu's weapon slammed into his abdomen. The raven's chest-eye glowed red, and she grinned a wicked, wicked grin. "No…not again…!"

_**Crrrrr-ACK!**_

"_Wah-hah-hah-haaaaaaah!_"Utsuho, with her encased leg, flipped in the air and slammed it on the back of Chino's head in a sturdy axe-kick. Just like last time, Chino went flipping and flapping in the opposite direction. Only this time…

_**Wham!**_

_**Wham!**_

_**Wham!**_

…There were a few more walls for him to crash through.

"Ow… Why me?" Chino groaned, not even bothering to get up. "Why _me? _Why not anyone else?"

"Hey!" Came the voice of the younger Scarlet. "Who went and busted up our house more?"

"Oh!" Utsuho could be heard replying. "Um. It was Chino! Yeah, he uh…he went that way!"

Chino just whimpered.

* * *

"Okay, on your feet, there we go!" Koakuma spoke in a kindly tone, helping Patchouli to her feet. "That's the way, Patchouli-sama! I knew you had it in you!"

_**Thwack!**_

"Ow!" Koakuma covered her head, where a new bump had formed, courtesy of a book the librarian had on her. "I was just being nice…"

"Do not patronize me. Ever." Patchouli said in a dangerously low tone of voice. "Never. I have never been _stepped on _in all my life. There will be vengeance. So much, that I will nearly be drowning in it."

"Patchouli-sama, I feel your pain."

"No you don't."

_**Thwack!**_

"Now you do."

A blonde head adorned with a red ribbon peered around the corner, scanning the area in confusion. The two library staff stopped what they were doing to observe.

"Hi!" Rumia said with a half-smile. "Sorry to bother you, but was there an ice fairy around here recently?"

The two exchanged a knowing glance. They then turned their eyes back to Rumia.

"…No." Koakuma slowly answered. "Never seen any ice fairy around here."

"Are you sure?" Rumia asked. "I could have sworn I sensed her here."

"Absolutely. Now get back to work." Patchouli added. "There has never been nor will there ever be any ice fairy here."

"…" Rumia blinked. "Is that so~?"

"GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN!" Koakuma snapped.

* * *

"Aha…almost-"

_**BLAM!**_

"Kyaah, why?" Chino screamed, ducking yet another explosion caused by Flandre's power. The vampire was hot on his heels.

"No, not 'Kyaah' !" Flandre said with a pout. "You're saying it wrong! It's 'Kyuu' !"

_**BLAM!**_

That explosion? That one actually caught the back of Chino's feet and sent him airborne.

"Oops." Flandre muttered cheekily. "Didn't mean to do that one."

_**Whud-whud-whud-whud-whud!**_

"This…isn't fair." Chino whined once he'd stopped tumbling. He crawled along the carpet, eyes full of tears. "Uncle, mercy, I cry uncle…!"

A small figure descended from the air above him, landing with a quiet _**tmp**_ sound. It was Remilia.

"I can't tell what's more unlikely." She laughed haughtily. "That their strategy actually worked, or that it caused you to come right back to where we split up. Really, I didn't even have to move."

Chino just stared on in shock. He had, as she said, run right back through the first hole he'd left from, right back to where Remilia had been waiting. As the other three made their way back, Ryan and Okuu approaching from the left and Flandre coming up from behind, he let his face unceremoniously hit the carpet, soundly defeated.

"So!" Ryan grinned, twirling his claymore, "Feel like talking yet?"

"And please," Okuu added, control rod brimming with power, "talk nicely this time."

The sparrow took a deep breath, throwing away his pride and allegiance to save his skin.

"Commander, forgive me." He whispered, turning back up to face his four triumphant opponents.

* * *

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?"

_**SLAM!**_

"Ack!"

In a dark room of an unknown location, a bird-like youkai in a soldier's uniform was slammed against the hard floor by his neck. His assailant, a tall, black-feathered sparrow youkai glared daggers into his eyes.

"You little fool!" The commander shrieked, tightening her grip. "What did I tell you? _How could you let him leave?_"

"I-I'm sorry…!" The soldier gagged, clutching the offending hand in a pleading way. "But, he's my superior officer, and you've been giving him private training! I thought there wouldn't be an issue!"

"He went after our current number-one offender! OF COURSE THERE'S AN ISSUE!" The Commander roared, before letting out a harsh breath and allowing the soldier to scramble away. "Miserable whelp…out of my sight!"

The soldier, bawling his eyes out, rushed out the door, blindly hitting a few walls on his way. The Commander, left alone, clenched her fists in silence.

"Chino… Damn it!" She hissed, throwing a fist into the closest wall, causing the bamboo of it to crack and split from the force. "Reiuji, if he comes back with so much as a scratch, _I'll kill you._"

* * *

**Commander RAAAAAAAAGE. Commander rage very hard. And poor Okuu has no idea that she'd putting herself on someone's hitlist by just being the hero. Yeeeaaah, sorry Commander, but he's coming back with **_**way**_** more than a scratch.**

**Why not Ryan? Simple, he's both a male and human. Neither are typically big names in Gensokyo.**

**So, yeah, one of my longer chapters. I hope it helps make up for the ridiculously long hiatus. This went to help achieve what I'm working on:**

**1) Angle the story back towards comedy**

**2) Chino gets pwnt, badly**

**3) Okuu gets something off her chest-or explains something within it**

**4) Set the stage for a big, big event**

**As the story progresses, I look back towards the very beginning, and realize: "Wow. Wow, I really sucked back then!" As such, I'm planning on retyping the first four chapters -the ones I uploaded all at once at the project's beginning- to better match the current story structure. Feel free to say what you think of the idea.**

**AJiBH s back, and damn am I glad it is. Also Rumia is the most awesome running gag ever.  
**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Whoo, still glad to be getting back into the swing of things! This here chapter isn't quite as good as twenty-two, by my reckoning, but then, that was my big hiatus-return chapter. Still rolling with the comedy, but this chapter…not so much. Reason being? This is another divvied-up chapter, shared between Solar and Devil's Teams. Why Devil's Team again, when their's was most recent?**

**Simple. I like Meiling and she needs more screen time. ON WITH THE SHOW…!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Touhou, would these chapters come along as frequently as they do? I mean, ZUN seems to almost always be depicted with a bottle of booze in one hand, and that **_**would**_** make typing difficult…**

* * *

Chapter 23: Storytime with Keine and Chino

**Time - The Following Morning**

Keine sighed heavily, pushing aside the paper door leading into her "office". Following behind her in an overly-elegant stride was Sakuya, behind which was, with hesitant approach, Meiling.

"Um…wow." Meiling began, glancing back outside. "The villagers still seemed pretty sore over what happened…"

"Well, it's only natural." Keine responded, approaching her desk. "They count on me to drive away attackers, and today I failed to do that. Their faith in my abilities will be reduced for quite some time."

"Gutless cowards." Sakuya huffed. "Even the men of the place have the audacity to have someone else defend their possessions for them."

"Well, don't worry about it." Keine said with a half-smile. "You two don't bear any ill intentions, so at least I didn't fail when it really counted. In any event," The were-hakutaku said, sitting in the chair at her desk, "you two had some questions, I believe? Fire away."

"Right." Sakuya nodded, taking a moment to clear her throat. "We've left from our home with orders to investigate a recent matter. It would seem that the village has caught wind of this as well, given their reaction to us. Our question is this: just who is it that we search for?"

Keine frowned, scratching the side of her head. She peered around Sakuya and Meiling, making sure that the door to the room was not even a crack open. Affirming this, she scooted back and opened the drawer of her desk.

"That…is a matter I know a great deal about." Keine began, sorting through her scrolls. "Sakuya, you have been to Eintei once before, correct?"

"Twice this past full moon." Sakuya corrected. "But yes, the time we fought against you, I was present at Eintei. Is there a connection?"

"Well," Keine began, finding the scroll she was searching for and pulling it out, "not exactly. However, the conditions under which this group came to be in Gensokyo is remarkably similar."

* * *

"There! Okay?" Chino growled, fighting the ropes that were binging him to the side of a bookshelf. "That's everything I know!"

After subduing Chino, we decided it best to relocate him to and secure him in the library so he couldn't pull anything on us. After which, the four of us (as well as an oddly murderous Patchouli and Koakuma) gathered around him while he spilled the info. Or, more correctly, info he chose to spill.

"Hm." Remilia nodded, rising from her chair and hovering near the sparrow. "So, to recap: your kind is currently looking to reclaim territory lost to you?"

"That's right," Chino began, glaring into her eyes, "though the correct term here is _stolen_, vampire."

"That's swell. Really, it is." I say, standing up. "However, you've failed to answer any of our important questions. What is the name of your group, where can we find your headquarters, and what is your ultimate goal?"

Chino remained silent. His expression was a strained one, but he continued glaring at us while he thought. Finally, his head hung and he sighed in a disheartened way.

"…I don't know." He muttered. "I can't remember right now."

"You're lying, aren't you?" Okuu demanded, pounding her fist on her knee. "How can you expect us to believe you don't know who sent you or where you came from to get here?"

"If I may, traitor." Chino snapped, glowering fiercely. "I said I can't remember _right now_. Having a steel-encased foot crashing into the back of your skull can have that kind of effect."

…Hm. I took an Anatomy class in high school. If what I remember is correct, then Chino could be speaking true. A strong enough blow to the occipital region of one's skull could give them a selective amnesia of sorts. Not to mention that, given his extremely panicked state at the time, it holds the potential for minor brain damage if the wrong wires got crossed. That doesn't _seem_ to be the case, but Okuu is damned strong…

"Alright. I'm willing to buy that for now." I say, walking over to my weapons leaning on another shelf. "Either way, we have all the info we're going to get out of you, I'm guessing?"

"Yes." Chino responded, squirming against his bonds. "So if I may go free…?"

"No way!"

We're all startled a bit by Okuu's sudden outburst. When she stands, I notice that the eye is aglow…

"We- Ah, _I_ don't trust you!" Okuu frowned, folding her arms. "Remilia-san, I hate to ask, but could you all here keep him tied up?"

Remilia scowls some at the idea. Can't blame her, who would want to keep an attempted assailant in their home for any reason?

"MUKYU!" Patchouli coughs harshly, lunging from her chair before being subdued by Koakuma. "In my library! How _dare you?_"

"Patchouli-sama!" Koakuma cried, holding her back. "Calm down, please! Randa-kun, if you would get the sparrow out of here, it'd be appreciated!"

Wait. Patchouli-_sama?_ Randa-_kun_, what? What happened to the western titles I was hearing before, like "miss" and "mister" ?

"Please, I'm sorry to ask," Utsuho begins, extending her arms in an apologetic gesture, "but I just don't believe him! I think there's more, but he's just hiding it from us!"

Remilia folds her arms over her chest, glances between the fuming Patchy and Okuu, and sighs deeply. Well, you know, they've done a lot to help us this past night. Maybe I ought to-

"Alright." Comes Remilia's reply. "We'll keep the little idiot here."

Okuu smiles in relief while Patchy's mouth hangs open in outrage, Koakuma keeping a tight grip on her employer still. Well, that takes care of that, I suppose. Still… I look to Remilia to see if she really means it, to which she replies by shifting her eyes in my direction and giving a small nod

"So that's that," I confirm, taking a moment to stretch my arms over my head. "Aaaah…well, Okuu, we'd best be going!"

"Mm-hmm!" Utsuho beams, her wings spreading. "You got it! Kappa River, right?"

"Yep! I was thinking last night, and given how close they are to Tengu territory, it might work out for the best!" I exclaim before stopping. Oh geez…in all my excitement, I'd completely forgotten!

Aya…and Mystia. We still have to find them.

"…Well, maybe the river folk saw something." I mutter to myself. I then look back to Utsuho. "Well, Okuu, best say our goodbyes. Don't know when we'll be back, after all."

Utsuho frowns a little. However, it seems she understands, since she takes off in the direction of the basement. Remilia glares a bit at that, but doesn't say anything. Seeing as I'd best show some courtesy, I approach her.

"Thanks for letting us crash here, Remilia." I say, offering a hand. "It was really helpful after all that action yesterday."

"…Hm. Yes, well," She begins, slow to accept the gesture, "I'm glad we could put all this nastiness behind us."

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Comes a wailing cry from the living room. We all groan a little, recognizing that high pitch from anywhere.

"Flandre, please, I'm sorry!" Utsuho whines, dragging herself slowly but surely back into the library. "But we have to go- WHOA!"

Utsuho falls over with a resounding _**whud**_. Flandre still clamped tightly to her leg and being orbited by the electrons that are linked to that foot, buried her face into the edged of the raven's green skirt.

"I dun want you to gooooo!" She bawls, giving Remilia a desperate stare. "Nee-sama, Sakuya and China are working on that thing, right? Okuu-senpai and Ryan don't have to go, right? Make them staaaaay?"

Remilia…is actually mulling this over? Um, no. Sorry, but no. I move my hand to the sword at my back ever-so-slowly while raising an eyebrow. Remilia blinks at the action, halfway putting up her hands defensively.

"Er. Well, um, no." Remilia sighs, rubbing the back of her head. "Sorry, Flandre, but you promised. Besides, Miss Reiuji played with you plenty last night to make up for this morning, didn't she?"

"…Okay." Flandre submits, reluctantly getting off the raven and clasping her hands together at the front of her waist. She looks at Okuu and me with big, teary eyes.

Big…teary eyes.

_**Sniffle~!**_

Erm! I-I think I got something in mine…!

"Okuu-senpai, Ryan…sorry." She says with that heartbreaking, unblinking stare. "Y…You'll come back again, right?"

"Y-Yeah, definitely." I say, not facing any of the others to hide my budding manly tears. "U-Utsuho, how about you?"

"Um, well, I'll try." Okuu follows up, hands behind her back. "I'm sure Satori-sama wouldn't have a roblem with it."

Huh. There's that "-sama" again. Maybe the whole language-assimilation thing Yukari did to me is starting to have a permanent effect. …Ehhhh, I know she was just helping me, but I still feel a little violated by the whole thing.

I'm just glad she's never done anything else to mess with my brain!

_**Throb.**_

Ow. There's that headache again. …Huh, wonder why that flared up just now.

* * *

"It was one around hundred and twenty years ago…a short six years following the creation of Gensokyo. At the time, Yukari Yakumo had only considered the idea of assimilating other youkai settlements into Gensokyo, but of course, there was limited land with which to do so. If this wasn't an issue, there'd be far more Youkai and humans in Gensokyo then there are today."

"Hm." Meiling put a thumb to her lower lip, thinking. "…Couldn't Yukari just gap over land as necessary?"

"No, she couldn't. If she did that, humans of the outside would grow extremely suspicious. And their technology has become so advanced, they could possibly discover this place. As you can imagine, that would be nothing short of disastrous." Keine interjected, quick to belay that train of thought. "Anyway, that's besides the point. Yukari had to make multiple trips back to the outside world to ensure that all loose ends were tied up, and all those necessary to bring over had been so done. However, Yukari's plan had not gone unnoticed. A fairly large youkai group had learned of Gensokyo's formation, and their leader was furious that his people were not included. As such, one day when Yukari was making her rounds, he approached her in regards to this matter, and demanded they would have refuge here."

"I can imagine Yukari was quick to turn them down?" Sakuya asked, more or less not in an actual question.

"That is correct." Keine nodded. She gestured to a place on the scroll she had withdrawn. There was an a rough, but definite image of a masculine youkai confronting Yukari, who was identified by her usual parasol. "So, the leader of this group challenged Yukari to a duel. If he were the winner then, not only would his kind be allowed into Gensokyo, but he would have a large say in how the new land would be run. Yukari accepted his duel, but that was only because she was well aware of the difference in power between them. There was only one condition in the battle: each of them could receive assistance once and only once from anyone other than themselves, if so necessary. The battle would take place in Gensokyo, so as not to draw the attention of the outside world."

"Seems like quite a gamble to make over an assumption…" Meiling frowned.

"Normally, you would be right, Meiling." Sakuya said to her coworker. "However, this wasn't a human making a deal with a youkai, but a youkai making a deal with a youkai. No offense, but you know as well as I do that your kind isn't, in most cases, well-versed in the ways of trickery. Back then, they competed in matches of power."

"…Well, you're right about that." Meiling conceded. "But…please never let ojou-sama ever hear you speak like that, okay?"

"If I may continue?" Keine asked. They two turned their attention back to her. "Thank you. Now, this youkai leader wasn't stupid, by any stretch of the imagination. He knew the difference in power between them as well, and devised a strategy to attempt to match her. As the leader of his kind, he bore a special power, unlike any other. He could add the strength of as many of his people as he desired to himself to increase his power. When he met Yukari for their contest, he brought his entire army, a thousand-strong force with him. And while they were preparing, he was quick to draw in their power. With the might of a thousand soldiers within him as well as his own considerable might, he became a giant to rival even the Four Devas, and was entirely confident in his ability to best Yukari."

"Even with that, it doesn't seem like he would have been able to." Sakuya said, raising an eyebrow in skepticism.

"Don't get me wrong, he gave her quite the challenge." Keine added. "It seemed that, no matter what she brought in through her gaps, he could barrel through it with sheer physical power. And that was before he even let loose with the danmaku. The two struggled across the entirety of the landscape, the youkai leader breaking apart mountains and shattering plains in his desire to corner Yukari, while the latter continued to bend reality as necessary to keep him at bay. In truth, it seemed they were at an impasse, and the youkai who had been originally brought into Gensokyo were either fearful or outraged at the destruction."

"…Huh." Meiling spoke up. "Didn't you say they could each receive help from somebody else?"

"You catch on quick." Keine smiled. "There was one person, in all of Gensokyo, who Yukari knew she could rely on in order to get the job done."

"And who would that be?" Sakuya sked, already having an inkling to the answer.

"You should have guessed by now." Keine laughed. "It was none other than the current Hakurei shrine maiden."

* * *

"Well, it was nice seeing you again, Randa-kun." Koakuma beamed, stepping right up to the edge of the safe zone. "Don't be a stranger, alright?"

"If you should see Meiling and Sakuya on your travels, be sure to give them our regards." Patchouli added, punctuated with a small cough. "And make sure the two aren't slacking off, alright? I'm sure Sakuya's on top of things, but Meiling…

Heh. Yeah, I betting she's already nodded off once or twice since she left. Good ol' Mei!

"Well, are you ready?" Okuu asked, flying over to the three of us. The folks at the mansion were good enough to let us restock food there, which was in my bag she had slung over her shoulder. "I got everything we need!"

"Not too many sweets, I hope? We need actual food, after all." I ask, to which her eyes dart off to the side. Oh lord, Utsuho, please tell me you didn't just load the sack with desserts. "_…Okuu…_"

"N-No!"

A pause.

"…Maybe."

Facepalm.

"Anyway, that's…erm…besides the point! Right." Okuu began, the eye lighting up to help her out a bit with her word choice. "I just had a thought. Didn't Alice say we should visit that Eintei place?"

Eh?

Oh, sunnuva- That's right! Why am I insisting on going off to the tengu territory when we already have a lead?

"You know, I'd forgotten?" I smile. "I wanted to find out something about Aya and Mystia, but since we already have a lead-"

"Wait."

We all stop in our tracks, slowly turning to face who had spoken. That someone was none other than Chino.

"Shameimaru. You're looking for her, right?" He asked, head risen just enough that one eye could be seen beneath his sweat matted hair bearing down on us. "You want to forget Eintei then. Go with your original plan."

Oh-ho-ho, _now_ you talk? Good call on keeping him here, Okuu! We're getting some new info!

"How much have you been holding back from us?" I ask, steeping towards the bound sparrow.

"Never mind that. I remembered just now…as far as you know." He smirks a little at that. The punk, sneaking by through loopholes… But he's right. I can't _prove_ he's holding out on us at this point. "My point, monkey, is this: if you're looking for the night sparrow and the crow, one of them will be in kappa territory soon - that someone being Aya Shameimaru."

"You know, if you're lying, we're going to come back and beat you up." Okuu deadpanned. Chino went wide-eyed and stammered at this.

"Ah, um, w-well, I'm not! This information is one hundred percent, completely genuine! I swear on my honor!" Yes, because that makes you _so_ much more credible, Chico. "The crow tengu will be at Kappa River by this afternoon, and I'd advise you to hurry, because she won't be there for long!"

"So, what's this about, anyway?" I ask, fists on my hips. "Are you having one of your agents moving her there?"

Chino does a double-take, seeming genuinely appalled at what I said.

"What? Of course not!" He snaps, turning up his nose. "Hmph! If you must know, Miss Aya Shameimaru is now a loyal follower to our creed!"

…

…What.

"What did you say?" Utsuho asked, slowly approaching. "You said…she's willingly with you guys?"

"But of course!" Chino beams, puffing out his chest. "Her and Miss Lorelei both!"

…

"_WHAAAAAAT?_"

* * *

"The Hakurei shrine maiden. Figures." Sakuya smiled while shaking her head. "Given how long ago it was, I doubt it was Miko?"

"No, but it was her predecessor. This particular shrine maiden was quite long-lived, she used the power of the border to extend her lifespan until she found a suitable successor, you see." Keine explained, letting off that little bout of trivia. "But back to the tale. The shrine maiden in question was the most powerful incarnation in recorded history, she held the full power of the border while Yukari merely manipulated it as necessary. She also held a short patience quite similar to Reimu's…"

"Like Reimu-san's?" Meiling asked, stifling a giggle. "I bet she was really agitated when this big guy came out of nowhere and started wrecking the place."

"Indeed! Yukari didn't even need to summon her, she came on her own!" Keine laughed, causing Meiling to stop trying to hold back her own. After a few moments, they calmed down. "Ha-ha…yes, well, when she arrived, the youkai leader immediately turned his attention to her, knowing that if she wasn't dealt with immediately, he would be in serious trouble."

"It didn't work." Sakuya replied. It wasn't a question.

"She hog-tied him to Youkai Mountain with the border itself." Keine explain, causing Meiling to flinch while visualizing the experience. "Yukari too this opportunity to link the strength he'd absorbed from his people to as many of his nerve endings as she could. It was…well, I'd compare it to being struck by a bolt of lightning -an actual one, not a magically produced one- but that would be too _tame_ in comparison. The agonizing experience knocked him out cold, making Yukari the winner of the duel."

"That couldn't have been the end of it." Sakuya frowned. "What happened afterward?"

"Right you are. It seems that the youkai leader had anticipated a possible loss." Keine went on, gesturing to another portion of the scroll. "In the event that he lost, a large-scale foul play was planned. Namely, the moment he was bested, his soldiers marched on the human village, taking the entirety hostage in a matter of minutes. As Yukari and the Hakurei shrine maiden were busy quelling the youkai agitated by the conflict, they did not notice until it was too late to act. The army's leader made the terms quite clear. If their demands were not met, they would behead every last human in Gensokyo - man, woman, and child alike."

* * *

"You are joking. You are kidding me." I demand, jaw dropped. "They joined you? They willingly signed up for this shit?"

"Indeed it is so!" Chino chirped.

"I bet you're lying!" Utsuho growled, pointing an accusatory finger. "You just kidnapped them, didn't you?"

"Certainly not, my good heretic!" Chino glared. "The nerve of you, accusing us of such things!"

"Then you're blackmailing them!" Koakuma jumped in, throwing in her own theory.

"With _what?_"Chino deadpanned. "Mind you, one of them is a _reporter_, an _expert_ in blackmail. The other only owns a food stand and nothing else! We'd have nothing to use!"

…

"…Mind control?" I ask. Everyone just stares at me. "You're right, that was stupid."

"But," Patchouli begins, "if what you claim is true, then…"

"Miss Shameimaru is off to spread the word of our glorious legion!" Chino chirped merrily. "Off to enlist the kappas and their technology…oh! And of course, to seek the approval of the tengu leader! Oh, if we had Tenma's help, surely all of Gensokyo…"

I motioned Okuu over while Chino went off on his little spiel. She hovered close, and I cupped a hand over her ear and my mouth.

"He seems to really by buying into what he's saying." I whisper, Utsuho nodding in agreement. "If what he's saying holds any truth, though, she might be hard to convince to come back."

"It's worse then that." Okuu replied in a hushed voice. "If she's trying to get the kappas' help…oh, Nitori-chan might be in danger!"

"I know." I say. "I have an idea. Just play along."

"…and so many statues! So many they would put even yours to shame, vampire!" Chino proclaimed.

"Hey!" Remilia snapped. "I lost several because of you, you insolent pigeon!"

"Oi, Chico!" I call, causing Chino to sputter angrily.

"Why must you call me that?" He demands. "For the final time, it's _Chino!_"

"Whatever." I say with an uncaring sniff. "So, if that's why you have Aya, then what about Mystia? She doesn't have much credibility, does she?"

"Hmph! Well, that's obvious!" He snorts, looking at me like an idiot. As in, looking at me idiotically and as if I was an idiot. "Clearly, she comes in as a means to- _UMPH!_"

What the-? Chino quickly shuts his mouth, eyes bugging out. Whatever he was about to let slip, it was pretty damn important.

"As a means to what?" I ask, waving my hand in a circular pattern. "Come on, birdie, we know you're not an amnesiac. Speak up."

"Um..I…O-Oh, the pain!" He begins hamming it up, cringing against the bookshelf. "The horrid pain in the back of my head! The information…leaves me…"

Oh, no-no-no. Don't even _try_ that shit with me!

"Stop acting like a two-bit fortune teller and spill it!" I demand, clenching my fists.

"Randa."

I'm stopped when Remilia suddenly cuts in, folding her arms over her chest. She gives me a disapproving scowl.

"How quickly you forget. There is one thing we know for sure, and that is that the crow tengu will be in kappa territory today, and today only." Remilia explains, causing me to facepalm. Of course, stupid Ryan. "I hate to rush you, but you and Utsuho cannot afford to waste any more time."

Patchouli flies over to the large window in the library, the one I had nearly used to escape from Flandre last week. She undoes the lock in the middle, and the huge thing swings open, letting in the bright rays of the sun.

"You can leave through here." The librarian offers, being cut off by a coughing fit. "_Muk-yuu, muk-yuu! _…Agh. Fly straight from here, and you'll reach the base of Youkai Mountain. There is where you'll find the largest kappa settlements. And be quick about it, this air isn't doing me any good."

"Okay!" Utsuho clenches a fist in confidence, before hurrying over to me, locking her arms around my chest. "Let's go, Ryan!"

"Right! Koakuma, Patchouli, please keep an eye on that nut!" I request, being lifted into the air. "If any new information comes up, do you have any way of contacting us?"

"Hm…oh!" Koa snaps her fingers in realization. "We'll send one of the fairies to tell you!"

"Can they remember it?" Okuu asks, rightfully skeptical.

"If they know what's good for them, they won't." Remilia smirks devilishly. "Well now, off you go, children. Go play the big heroes. Make it snappy as well, this whole thing has gotten annoying."

"Hm." I smirk in kind at her boisterous ways. Utsuho shifts her arms under me, apparently having a bit of trouble. "Oh, sorry. Come on, Okuu!"

The raven hefts me up higher, her wings extending a bit further. She waves bye to everyone before…

…Oh, what _now?_

"Give me a countdown!" Okuu grins.

"What? No." I respond, poking her in the arm. "Seriously, let's go!"

"Ohhhh, c'moooooon!" She whines. "Pleeaase?"

…

_**Slap!**_

That was a facepalm.

"Fine, but we gotta move." I grumble. "Five…four…three…two…"

"_Yay!_"

_**WOOOOOOOSH!**_

"Wait!" I cry as we blast out the window, a swept up breeze hitting me in the face. "_I never said ooooooone…!_"

* * *

"_They were going to kill all the villagers? _Even the _children?_"Meiling gasped covering her mouth with both her hands. "But that's…that's horrid! I've never even heard of a youkai so cowardly and thoughtless!"

"Not just them." Keine stated grimly. "They would see to it that every human in Gonsokyo would be cut down, if they weren't all there already."

"…Rrgh." Sakuya took a deep breath to compose herself. "I assume this wasn't about the humans themselves, nor Yukari's unusual affection for them?"

"Correct." Keine nodded. "Their attitude was if they couldn't enjoy Gensokyo, nobody would. It was common knowledge that the current Hakurei shrine maiden would need to adopt a successor. If not, the barrier keeping Gensokyo apart from the outside would fall. And the only way to ensure that would happen…"

"…Would be to eliminate all possible candidates." Meiling spat, finishing Keine's explanation. Keine merely nodded. "Absolutely twisted."

"Let's keep our focus, Meiling." Sakuya spoke in a soft tone, putting a hand on the youkai's arm. "Please, we're all right, Keine. Continue."

"…Very well, so long as you are sure. Despite their completely hold over the Human Village, the army would soon meet an iron opposition: one in the form of Ran, later a member of the house Yakumo." Keine chuckled lightly at the two's shocked expressions.

"Wait. A 'later member'?" Meiling asked. "You mean, Ran-san wasn't yet…?"

"Indeed. At the time, Ran was not yet Yukari's shikigami - she was merely an eight-tailed fox, not yet reaching her eight-hundredth year of age. However, she had been known to have a soft spot for the human settlement that had been brought into Gensokyo, it was one of the few that didn't fear or attack her. So, in retribution for them being threatened, Ran launched an impressive assault against them by herself." Keine took a moment to close her eyes, apparently a bit nostalgic. "The army's commander was so taken off guard, that she demanded her soldiers turn their attention to the fox without realizing that doing so would allow their captives to escape! Confused and outraged, the commander engaged Ran in single combat while their subordinates scrambled in a failing attempt to round up the escaped humans, who were doing fairly well in fighting them off."

"Let me cut you off, if I may." Sakuya butted in. "What were Yukari and the shrine maiden doing at the time?"

"That was actually my next point. You see, the army's field tactician was shocked at the turn of events - they hadn't expected things to go to those extremes. So, sneaking out of the village, they went to Yukari and their leader to try and act as a mediator, to work out the best possible agreement for all parties involved. In the end, they came to an understanding. The agreement was as thus: in exchange for having safety in Gensokyo, the youkai group would not be allowed interaction with any of the surrounding settlements and territories. Anything in the way of supplies and land they required would be worked out through Yukari. The overseer wasn't in the best shape, and needed a quick and peaceful solution, so she agreed. The army, however, was not so easily quelled." Keine's face here darkened. "Apparently, their commander had believed that they would have some form of control over Gensokyo, and told her troops that as well. They didn't anticipate this deal, and refused to accept it. Their commander then ordered the soldiers to do away with all the humans anyway, claiming their leader had gone mad."

"Absolutely shameless." Sakuya huffed, glaring off to the side. "You would never see me in such a…"

"Yes, well, their anarchy would not come to fruition. Ran was still there fighting, and now she had some help. You recall I mentioned the army's field tactician?" Keine paused, and the two nodded. "They were not about to let their kind's name be ruined, and so joined alongside Ran in battle against their superior."

"What of Yukari and the youkai leader?" Meiling asked.

"They were recovering from their battle still. This left Ran and the tactician against the thousand soldiers and the commander by themselves, as the humans who were fighting back had begun to grow weary. The tactician, however, understood his kind well - if the commander fell, they would accept their loss, and submit to their leader's will once again." Keine stopped here, hesitating to continue. "…And so…seeing as they needed a quick end to the battle…the tactician charged the commander head-on, catching them in a firm grip, and then…"

"What?" Meiling asked eagerly. "What happened then?"

"They bade Ran to use her strongest magic to shoot through them." Keine sighed. "Both of them."

* * *

"There it is!" I call over the whooshing wind, pointing ahead of us. "Look, Okuu! Youkai Mountain!"

We were well over the forest of magic, and far part the outskirts of the mansion. Looking behind us, I could barely make out the shape of Remilia's domian as a rectangular blob of red on the horizon. Up ahead, however, I could see the massive, blueish silhouette of the mountain fast approaching. Meaning, if we went a bit lower, we'd run into Kappa River soon enough.

"Can you make out anything up there, Okuu?" I ask.

"Hm…" Utsuho closes her eyes in intense concentration, shifting her arms below me to make sure I wouldn't fall. "…Ah! I can hear running water! A little far away, but there's lots of it!"

Bingo! That's gotta be our river! I pound a fist into a palm, grinning eagerly.

"Alright, Utsuho! Let's get to ground level!"

She does nothing.

…

Groan. Fine, I get it.

"…Deploy the Randa-pult." I groan, to which Okuu giggles eagerly.

"Alright! Let's gooooo!" Okuu switches her grip to my sleeves, and begins to spin in a circle. Once, twice, five times…whoa. That's a bit fast for my tastes!

"E-E-E-Easy, p-p-p-partner!" I yell frantically. "You're supposed to chuck me, not splatter me all over a wall!"

"Oop! Sorry!" She says bashfully. "Okay, and away…we…go!"

_**WOOSH!**_

Okuu releases her grip, sending me flying like a ballistic towards the ground at a mostly-horizontal angle. Okay, gotta time this _just_ right, or it'll be _really_ painful!

Keep my knee bent, and…

_**Shhh!**_

BOOYAH!

"Ooh, nice landing!" Utsuho flies next to me, keeping a little ahead and clapping in approval.

"Thank you, thank you, you're too kind." I laugh, doing a mock bow in midair. "Alright, enough messing around. Let's find us some kappas!"

"Okay~!" Utsuho giggles before looking a but confused. "-Uh? Um, Ryan, did you hear something just now?"

"Not a thing!" I respond, keeping up my bounding stride. "Why, did you?"

"Well, it was kind off like the noises those machines in the reactor make." Okuu explains, looking ahead.

"Really?" I ask. "Awesome! We must be getting pretty close to our destination then, if we're already hearing their technology at work!"

Speaking of, I can't wait to see what kind of stuff the kappa can make! They sound pretty friendly, and if they can tweak Okuu's control rod to where she's not drawing in heaps of fairies, maybe they can find out why it is that, every time Okuu's getting really into a fight, I'm at a maximum charge all the time…

"Uh-oh." Utsuho frowns. "There's another one."

"Relax!" I grin, leaping higher to pat her on the head twice. "If we're hearing their technology, it just means we're really, really close!"

"No, Ryan, this one was different!" Utsuho exclaimed, eyes full of worry. "It sounded like the noise my control rod makes every time I get ready to shoot a big laser! Maybe we should stop, I don't want you to get hurt!"

"Utsuho, don't worry. If they made your control rod, of course I'd sound similar!" I try to coax my worried partner. "Besides, we can't stop! If Aya's really going to be there, we have to catch her and see if what Chino told us is-"

"_AAAHH!_"Okuu screams all of a sudden, materializing her control rod. "_Ryan, up ahead! Duck!_"

What? What could possibly be so-

_WHAT IN THE SEVEN HELLS IS A GIANT TURRET DOING IN GENSOKYO?_

"Sweet baby Jesus Christ on French toast!" I cry, hurling myself to the side.

_**BERKOOOOOOOOW!**_

The gigantic red twin-barreled turret on the path ahead of us let loose a massive white laser from both barrels, causing the earth beneath us to quake violently. The path of the cannon's fire is covered in billowing dust, forcing me to cough a bit.

"Whoo…Utsuho, are you okay?" I call, picking myself up off the ground. "Utsuho! Say something!"

"I'm okay!" I hear her voice on the other side of the cloud. "Ryan, stay down!"

What? No way I'm leaving you at that thing's mercy!

_**CLLLLLICK.**_

…That is, if _I'm_ not the one at it.

Gulp.

* * *

Meiling and Sakuya were both wide-eyed and a bit pale, neither one saying a thing.

"…Th-They asked Ran to kill them both?" Meiling hesitantly asked.

"They did." Keine confirmed.

"W-Well, it…it makes sense." Sakuya attempted to regain her composure. "If both the commander and tactician were gone, the soldiers would be left without any form of guidance besides their leaders."

"Don't say that, Sakuya-san!" Meiling demanded, glaring at her coworker. "There's no way she agreed to do it, anyway! Right, Keine-san?"

Keine was silent.

"K…Keine-san?" Meiling practically begged. "Don't tell me she…"

"The both of them were disintegrated by the blast." Keine sighed. "There was not a trace left of either commander nor tactician."

Meiling slumped in her chair, hand held to the side of her head. Sakuya patted her on the shoulder with a sad glance.

"It's all right." Sakuya spoke to Keine. "She just…she isn't used to these kinds of things, is all. Please, go on."

"Well there's not much to tell after that." Keine shrugged. "The army quickly surrendered, and their leader took back control. Yukari kept her word, and gave to them a place in Gensokyo very well-hidden, and they kept to themselves from that point on. As for Ran, Yukari was moved by her power and heroics, and decided that, once Ran gained her ninth tail, she would from then on be Yukari's shikigami. Ran, herself, had absolutely no objections."

"So, you said that this had something to do with Eintei." Sakuya frowned. "I fail to see where that is."

"Tell me, maid: before the Moon incident, did you ever even hear the name of the Lunarian colony here in Gensokyo?" Keine asked. Sakuya shook her head. "Precisely. That is because they, too, were meant to never reveal themselves to anyone save for the Yakumos, not even the Hakurei shrine maiden."

"And they did…" Meiling's face lit up. "…You think that maybe the youaki group is angry because they must remain to themselves while the Lunarians may nowadays come and go however they please?"

"It's a theory." Keine shrugged.

"And a sound one, at that." Sakuya stood from her chair. "Thank you for all your help. Meiling, it seems we'll be going to Eintei."

"Hold on."

Keine rummaged through her drawer yet again, pulling from it a very dusty, tan scroll.

"Take this with you." She began, extending it to Meiling. "But please, do not read it."

"What is it?" Sakuya asked, poking the scroll some.

"Eirin will know. Show it to either her or Kaguya-hime, but to those two only." Keine said. "Oh, and one more thing…"

Sakuya blinked blankly as what appeared to be a bracelet made up of chalk sticks was put onto her wrist.

"You may run into a friend of mine. Sakuya, you know who I speak of." Keine explained. "Show her this bracelet, and she'll guide you through a shortcut to Eintei, so as to avoid any…complications, let's say."

"Alright." Meiling smiled and nodded. "Thank you again, Keine-san."

"It's no trouble." The teacher bowed to the two. "This matter is one that brought about the death of two people long ago and put even more at risk. Hong Meiling, Sakuya Izayoi…I'm counting on you both. Bring a swift end to this."

"You are wise to count on us." Sakuya gave a half-smile. "Because we will not fail."

* * *

"Okuu, left barrel, left barrel!" I yell over the roaring bullets, leaping over the turret. "It's exposed! Shoot now!"

"Hyaaaaaaah!" Come Utsuho's battle cry, aiming her control rod towards the empty barrel.

_**BERKOOOOOW!**_

Okuu releases a powerful white laser which slices through the one being fired by the turret and roars into the left barrel. The inside of the barrel illuminates with a white light and expands the steel like an inflating balloon, before it is engulfed in a fiery explosion!

_**KRRR-OOOOOOW!**_

"Alright, you did it!" I grin, giving her a thumbs-up.

"Ryan! Look out!" Utsuho calls, pointing with her control rod. "Behind you!"

Uh-oh-

_**WHIIIIIIIIRRRR-CRACK!**_

_Gyaaaaaaaaah!_

The turret spins around to target me, and the solid metal of the remaining barrel slams hard into my back. I can hear Utsuho shriek in fright as my vision temporarily goes dim, causing me to black out for a second when I hit the ground. Heh, so much for 'nice landing'…

_**CLLLLLLLICK.**_

Oh, this is going to _hurt._

"CODE THREE-SEVEN-SEVEN-NINE-EIGHT-FOUR!"

…Whose voice was that, now? I can't get my face out of the dirt well enough to see.

"P-P-Priority Zeta! Ceasefire on terms on Reactor Project and Bystander Quota! Shut down, shut down!"

The high-pitched voice seems to have quite a hold over out new metal friend, as I can hear the beginnings of machinery whirring down after whoever it was gives that order. My vision is soon filled by black wings when Okuu gets to me, carefully putting her hands on the front and back of my chest in order to sit me up.

"Ryan, are you okay?" Okuu asks, shaking me a little. "I'm so, so sorry! I didn't pay attention!"

"_You _didn't pay attention? _I'm_ the one who got Grand Slammed by a six-meter long metal pipe." I laugh weakly. "Oh hey…who's that girl over there?"

Eh, mine eyes, you have failed me. You wimpy things, all I can tell is that it's a girl with green pigtails and a red hat.

…Huh. And that is one _filled_ backpack you've got on, ma'am. That doesn't hurt you any?

"Ah! Nitori-chan!" Okuu's face lights up. She waves in a wide arc, motioning the…kappa, apparently? -to come over to where we are. "Can you help us please? Ryan got banged up really bad just now!"

"U-Utsuho?" Comes Nitori's meek voice, the girl hesitantly approaching. "I-I don't understand… What are you doing above ground? A-And who is that human you're with?"

"I can explain later!" Ustuho replies continuing to motion to her. "Just please, help me get him somewhere-"

_**WHACK!**_

WHY WITH THE CONTROL ROD.

_**WHUD.**_

"Eep! Sorry Ryan! I didn't know I still had that on…!"

* * *

"So, have you gotten anything out of him?"

"Not a thing. He's clearly lying about not remembering anything, though."

"Obviously."

Koakuma and Patchouli sighed heavily. Chino was being exceedingly uncooperative. For being a failure of a fighter, he was well-disciplined in not sharing information with the enemy.

"Well, either way, nothing was gained without effort." Patchouli shrugs. "You want to press hi again, or should I?"

"Don't worry about it, Patchouli-sama." Koakuma put her hands up. "I can take care of it!"

The succubus stood from her chair at the desk, smiling to her employer before rounding the corner to where Chino was.

_What a thoughtful assistant._ Patchouli thought to herself. _After what happened last night, I was worried that she was a lost cause. But now? Now I'm confident that I was right in my choice for-_

"AAAAAAH!" Came a shriek from Koakuma. "P-Patchouli-sama! He's gone! He's gone!"

"_What?_" Patchouli hovered from her chair, flying to where Koakuma was standing, near a pile of cut ropes.

…_Cut_ ropes?

"How on earth…?" Patchouli shook her head. "But there was nothing nearby he could have used to cut himself free! We took his knives, the corners of the case weren't sharp enough to-"

"Um." Koakuma butted in. "His…his knives?"

"Yes!" Patchouli exclaimed, throwing up her hands. "Remember, when we were tying him up? You took his knives!"

Koakuma said nothing. Patchouli's jaw dropped.

"_No._"

"I-It's not like I forgot!" Koakuma yelped. "Remilia-sama said that I had to clean up her broken busts though, because the fairies weren't doing it and-"

_**BERKOOOOOOOOW!**_

* * *

**Koakuma, you poor, poor little fool. It's okay, one day you'll learn, just…not any time **_**soon.**_

**So, we now know the backstory to the sparrow youkai's coming to Gensokyo, and what their connection is to Yukari and possibly Eintei! Also, we now have the story of how Ran came to be Yukari's shikigami! It's established in Gensokyo that shikigami are just other beings who are given the roles rather than summoned spirits like in most media or lore, and I know may like to entertain the idea that Yukari "had" Ran when she was young. However, let's think objectively here: the way a nine-tailed for, or **_**kyuubi**_** if you will, is born is that a fox lives for eight hundred years. For every hundred years, they gain another tail. Why would Yukari adopt a regular fox as her shikigami if she didn't even know if it would live to be that strong? To me, it seems far more likely that Yukari would choose a youkai who has already become extremely powerful. So in this canon, Yukari took in Ran when she learned that Ran was soon to gain her ninth tail. Mind you, nine-tailed foxes are said to be **_**exceedingly**_** strong.**

**We're finally out of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, thank Christ. Plus, now we have Nitori! And yes, I'm going with the overy-shy fanon Nitori. Don't care, already done it.**

**Why was there a massive turret on the outskirts of kappa territory? Are Aya and Mystia really working with the sparrow youkai willingly? And what role does Mystia play that Chino was so worried about Ryan figuring out!**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Stay tuned, readers! Next time, we enter Kappa Village!**

…

…**And meet a character from the PC-98 games who was thought long gone…**


	24. Chapter 24

**Here we are, chapter twenty-four! In this part, we begin in the Kappa Village, where the mid-arc event shall come to pass! **

**The PC-98 character shall become known, a major plot point will be established, and we'll get to see more of good 'ol Ghostly Team! Huzzah, Yuyuko!**

**A disclaimer, eh? Well, I **_**claim**_** that I won't **_**diss**_** ZUN by passing my stuff off as his! OH-HO-HO-HO-HO.**

**The mid-arc begins with a two-part chapter! Let's-a go!**

* * *

Chapter 24: She Blinded Me With "SCIENCE!" - Part 1

You know, when it all comes down to it, I'm starting to doubt I'm really even human anymore. I mean, before I was just eating immaterial substances through my skin, so I could pass for "mutant", maybe. But it goes to quite a bit larger of an extreme when you discover that the gigantic metal pipe that swung into your spine did so at a speed excelling twenty-seven kilometers per hour, and you didn't get snapped in half.

How do I know this, one might ask? It's my awesome intuition at work…!

…That or Nitori told me outright. You know, tomato-tomahtoe.

"M-My apologies. Ah, again." The aqua-haired kappa stammered, not looking me in the eye. "I thought we had gotten all the bugs out of that system…that never usually happens."

"It's cool. It's cool." I say through gritted teeth, forcing myself to sit up. "Nothing a little human-utilized photosynthesis can't fix."

"Hmph. Making me scared like that." Utsuho huffed in the corner, frowning at me. "No more jumping over big metal things for you, young man."

I blink at her oddly clever taunt.

"…Did Yatagarasu give you that one while I was recovering?" I ask.

"She gave me a _list!_"Okuu smiled, hopping up excitedly. "You wanna hear another?"

"Erm. I'm good."

I've spent the last hour or so on a futon in a small house recovering from our little encounter with that huge freakin' turret on the outskirts of Kappa Village, which is -surprise, surprise- right on the border of Kappa River. I didn't really see many of the people here, given Okuu had me slung over her shoulder on the way, but the general impression I got was that seeing a raven demigod lugging a western human around in broad daylight far from her usual dwelling was _juuussst_ a _bit_ unusual.

So far, no sign of Aya…which, in the thick of things is for the best, I suppose.

"So, you were told that Shameimaru-san would be coming here?" Nitori frowned, scratching her head. "That is troubling. But why would she come here?"

I blink at her question. Okuu actually slumps over a bit.

"…What?" She demands, looking a little flustered. "What are those looks for?"

Okuu points twice towards the window. In the distance, we can see the big freakin' turret in the distance, a few kappa climbing over it to do repairs.

"That- …I- …Ugh." Nitori frowns, facepalming. For once, someone who isn't me recites the hallowed creed of palm! I pass the torch to you, m'dear. "That horrible thing…I told them we should have never built it. First it takes aim at you two, now it's inviting trespass."

"Well, we don't _know_ that." Utsuho shrugs. "But Chino did mention something like having Aya go to the tengu boss to get help."

"The tengu b-…Tenma-sama?" Nitori asks. "Well, that makes no sense. Especially when you consider that Shameimaru-san just disappeared one night without any indication as to where she might have gone."

Aha! Already there's a crack in Chino's story. How could Aya be helping them willingly when she randomly disappeared? That sounds much more like an abduction to me!

"Nitori-chan, something you said bothered me." Okuu spoke, raising a hand for attention. "You said you didn't want that big thing out there built, right?"

"O-Of course!" Nitori stutters, folding her arms with a frustrated pout. "We've been working for years to improve relations with humans! How can we do that if we have a giant weapon at our doorstep?"

"But I thought you were in charge of most of the things that get built here!" Okuu exclaimed. "Why would they do it if you didn't want it?"

"…Hm." Nitori frowned, scratching the side of her head. "W-Well, actually, I…did approve it. Th-Though I didn't want it! There's this friend of mine, you see - she worked really hard to design it, and…"

The kappa finishes her sentence here in an inaudible whisper, clasping her hands together and staring at the ground. That…looks absolutely adorable. And I'm not the only one who noticed.

Incoming Okuu glomp in three!

Two!

Aaaaaaand One-

_**WHUMP!**_

"Kyaaaaaaah~, Nitori-chan, you're so precious~!" Okuu sings, her hung engulfing the smaller girl to the point where only her head is visible. "Do something else that's cute!"

"Ah! U-Utsuho, stop that!" Nitori cried, squirming against the raven's grip while her cheeks take a pink tint. "It's embarrassing, stop!"

…

I have to do it. It's too great to not do it.

"Ahem." I clear my throat quite loudly. "Should I step outside and let you guys use this thing for a while, or…?"

"Ah…waaaaaah!" Nitori grabs the edges of her big freakin' hat and tugs them down over her face, her cheeks going absolutely red. Success! "Why are you both being so weird?"

Yes, success! _And it's so easy when you're e-vil~!_

"D-Don't make fun of me, you…you…!" Nitori grunts, searching for the words. Suddenly, she stops squirming entirely.

A pause.

"Wait." Nitori frowns, letting go of her hat. She looks at me curiously. "…Who are you again?"

_**WHUMP.**_

"Do that again and _I'll_ mess up your back myself next time, dummy!" Utsuho pouted, before looking down to the eye in her chest. "I dunno, that one sounded kind of mean."

"Please just help me off the floor." I groan.

* * *

"Kyah-ha-ha~! Now I've got-"

_**SHVING!**_

"…you?"

_**POOF!**_

Youmu sighed heavily, raised her katana, and put it away in the sheath ay her side. Up until a few hours ago, she was beginning to share her mistress's zeal for adventure for the sake of adventure, but so far? So far, all she had in the ways of "adventure" was fairies, ghosts, and more fairies.

"…This is endless." The "gardener" groaned, looking over her shoulder. A little ways away, the Princess of the Netherworld was lazily floating on her back in midair, absent-mindedly waving her fan back and forth while humming. "Yuyuko-sama, where are we even _going?_ Didn't Yukari-sama say that-"

"Oh, hush, I know what Yukari said." Yuyuko yawned widely, rubbing her eye with the back of her hand. "But that would be too easy, now wouldn't it? You forget, there are two other groupings who currently don't know what _we_ know. Would it really be that fair to take such a lead over them?"

Youmu blinked some, pondering what Yuyuko was saying. When she finally had a vague idea of the oddball plan, she recoiled some.

"So…we will pretend we never heard anything?" Youmu asked. Against all her wishes, her mistress nodded in affirmation. Youmu just hung her head. "…V-Very well. In all fairness, I suppose. But still, if I may ask again, where _are_ we headed?"

Yuyuko beamed at the query, continuing to hum as she spun around in the air, lazily drifting over to Youmu. Once she reached her servant's side, she directed further down the path they were on with her fan, Youmu's ghost half floating out of the way.

"Of the most obscure of hideaways in Gensokyo, my dear Youmu, there are three." Yuyuko began, counting off on her fingers. "The first one, of which we have been to before, would be Eientei. The second, of course, would be the location at which these bird youkai gather - which, of course, we do not know yet. So, that only leaves one, and that would be…?"

Youmu closed her eyes in thought, muttering to herself all of the locations of recent incidents that Yukari mentioned in her occasional visits.

"Let's see, it couldn't be the underground…I doubt the celestial's dwelling place counts…not Youkai Mountain…" Youmu's eyes suddenly shot open. She turned to Yuyuko with a blank stare. "…P-Pardon my language, Yuyuko-sama, but you _can't_ be serious."

Yuyuko just smiled with her eyes closed, began humming once more, and grabbed Youmu's arm as she started down the path again.

"Yuyuko-sama, surely there's a better way of pretending we're finding new information, right? …Yuyuko-sama? …_Please?_"

* * *

"Hm…how very intriguing!" Nitori beamed, jotting down some more on her small notepad. "And you claim this is a natural phenomena for you?"

"Yep." I say, shrugging lightly. "Although, the last bit of magic I ever absorbed was a bit of fire thrown by Koakuma - I probably still can't handle electricity yet."

So, Ryan meets Nitori take two, now with extra actual introduction! Gave her the basics of who I was, how I got here, what my abilities were…

…aaaaaand that's as far as we got. It's been, like, fifteen minutes and she's still asking me questions. Utsuho's just kicking around in the corner, pouting at not being part of the immediate conversation.

"Um…hi?" She finally waved to us from the corner. "Ryan? Nitori-chan? I'm still in the room…"

"Oh, Utsuho-san, I'm sorry!" Nitori gasped some finally realizing that she was leaving the Hell Raven out. "I'd completely forgotten you…! Was there something you wanted to ask?"

"Can I have my partner back, please?"

"…Yatagarasu gave you that one too." I say.

"Well, I _did_ say it was a list, didn't I?" She smiles, sticking the tip of her tongue out.

…Wait, wait, wait. I've mentioned the god by name twice now, and Nitori hasn't asked anything? I turn to the kappa, scratching the back of my head.

"Um." I start unsteadily. "Doesn't it strike you as odd that we've mentioned someone else by name who is not visible at the moment?"

"Well, not really. When I was developing Utsuho's control rod, that was one of the possibilities I had to consider. Really, this just confirms one of the theories I had floating around about her powers." Nitori says with a shrug. "I've even jotted down a few things to further this in the time we've been talking, see?"

She reaches into her backpack and pulls out another notebook…that is completely full. She flips through the pages and every freaking line is full. The notebook is even entitled "Further Godhood Nuclear Property Hypotheses".

"Y-You did…all of that…so quickly?" Utsuho asks, pointing at the notebook like it was some horrific Lovecraftian spawn.

"Ah, I know, I know! So much time to work with, and I've done so little!" Nitori cries, pulling her hat down a little. "Please don't think me a slacker, Randa-san, I normally take my studies more seriously!"

S…"Slacker" ? A small notebook or not, that's more writing than I did in a month's work of Shakespearean Literature in high school! _What_ the _hell_, Gensokyo? Why must you undermine _everything_ about me besides my sunlight-sucking?

"Kyaaaah~!"

"No, wait-!"

_**WHUMP!**_

Jeez, Okuu, you really cannot resist cute things can you?

"U-Utsuho, please! You're crumpling my notes!" Nitori whines, squirming as Okuu rubs her cheek against the kappa's head.

Wait. I'm forgetting something important again, aren't I?

"Ah, to think, someone so small and adorable could make my control rod!" Ustuho beams, continuing her insatiable huggling. "Nitori-chan, you're great~!"

Ah, _that's_ what I forgot.

"Hey, Utsuho, I need you to do me a favor." I say, getting up from the mattress. "I need you to start pumping energy into your control rod for me, okay? Nitori, watch what happens."

"Um, okay?" Okuu complies, raising her control rod, which begins to glow orange. "Like this?"

_**WHIRR…**_

The ladies stare as my skin glows with a blue aura, my body brought to a full charge immediately.

"Yeah. Like that." I reply.

"…_Waaaaaaaah!_"Nitori shouts in shock, suddenly breaking completely free of Okuu's grasp. "But you- and she- you said- _how?_"

"Aw, I wasn't finished." Utsuho whines, reaching for Nitori again before stopping herself and sighing sadly. She then notices what about this occasion of me charging up is so unusual. "Wait. Ryan, when did you learn to do that right away?"

"I didn't. Utsuho," I say, taking a few steps towards her and gesturing to the control rod while Nitori steps to the side, still gawking, "you're the one who causes this. The first time it happened was the day I met you, before we actually met. You _had_ been working the reactor that day, right?"

"Hmm… Uh-huh!" She nods after taking a few moments to remember. "Same thing I do most days."

"And then again, when we were fighting fairies in the forest before our Spell Card battle with Alice, it only happened when you started getting into it." I continue, shrugging. "The only common thing between those two occasions is you bringing out your powers."

A small cough causes us to take our eyes off the other and back onto Nitori, who is shyly raising a finger in interjection. Thankfully, that isn't enough to set Okuu off, otherwise we'd be here for a while.

"Erm… I-If I may…" Nitori begins, clearing her throat further, "You two remember the friend I was talking about before, right?"

"Yeah-huh." Utsuho nods, headtilting. "Why?"

"I think you two ought to meet her." Nitori says, making for the door. "She's probably the only one in the village besides me who can help look into this."

* * *

Youmu continued begrudgingly plodding along behind Yuyuko, who continued to wave about her fan absent-mindedly every so often, now humming a different song.

_**Psh-psh-psh…**_

Youmu's hand slowly moves towards her blade. Her gaze narrows.

"Oh! Youmu, is something wrong?" Yuyuko asked, noticing her subordinate's subtle movements. "Come now, there's no need for that!"

Youmu continued scanning the area with her eyes, having heard Yuyuko regardless. Granted, she shouldn't pretend she didn't hear her, but even so, she knew she'd heard something.

"Youmu? …Come now, enough of that." Yuyuko pouted, folding her arms over her chest. "I know you can hear me."

"Yuyuko-sama, you…didn't sense that?" Youmu asked, slowly lowering her guard.

"Sense what?" Yuyuko asked, covering her mouth with the back of her hand in an airy laugh. "Fu-fu-fu… Honestly, Youmu, don't you think you're too easily spooked?"

"B-But…" Youmu frowns, beginning to look around uneasily. "Yuyuko-sama-"

"There. Is. Nothing. There." Yuyuko says sternly, behind a forced smile. "Now come along, Youmu. Plenty to do, people to see."

Youmu carefully nods, completely moving her hand away from her sword, and continuing along behind her princess.

Because by "there is nothing there", Yuyuko here means "there is totally something there, let it follow us."

"…Hm. Ah!" Youmu suddenly took off ahead of Yuyuko, noticing something a little ways ahead. "Look, Yuyuko-sama! A sign! Thank goodness, we'll have some help in directions, huh?"

However, Yuyuko continued humming, passing by both Youmu and the wooden sign jutting out of the ground.

"…Uh? Yuyuko-sama?" Youmu asked, raising her voice. "Hello? There's a sign here?"

"Honestly, Youmu. First figures, now signs?" The ghost shook her head in pity. "Honestly, am I going to have to take you to a doctor?"

"B-But…!" Youmu stuttered, glancing back between her and the sign. "Ah! Wait for me!"

Oddly enough, the moment the two had taken their minds fully off the sign, it ceased to be, replaced by a sapling tree.

* * *

"Heeeeey, Nitori!" Called a long haired kappa from a house on the other side of the path, waving from a window. "Bring your project home to work on it this week?"

"O-Oi…" Nitori whined, glancing over. "We have a human visitor, y'know. Don't give him a bad impression, please?"

The kappa finally notices that I'm here, before grinning mischievously and waving.

"Hey, you ought to come by during the weekends!" The kappa grins, winking. "Tengu come down from the mountains, things get pretty wild! Keep it in mind, okay?"

Ah-ha-ha, no. Still, to keep a good first impression, I give an uneasy smile and wave back.

"Eh-heh… Th-Thank you?" I call back.

So, here we are, finally seeing the bulk of the Kappa Village. …Well, _this _particular one, from my understanding. Aside from the usual feudal-era wooden-plank dwelling scattered around the place, there's some pretty large…garages of sorts around the place, where flickers of sparks can be seen from the openings or the pounding of metal can be heard from behind closed doors.

"Huh. What're they all building in those places?" Utsuho asks, scratching the side of her head.

"Actually, it's mostly personal projects." Nitori says, glancing about. "Ever since Hisou Tensoku, we've kinda focused on improving our individual skills more than anything else…"

"Hisou Tensoku?" I ask. "And that would be…?"

"Oh!" Ustuho chimes in, nodding some. "You mean the big metal thing person-shaped thing that's still in the underground, right? Satori-sama was a little mad about it being there…"

"We're working on removing it…" Nitori muttered. "J-Just give us some time, okay?"

Big metal person-shaped thing- _HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE._

Dio Brando reborn as a maid. Reality bending couch potatoes. Master magicians who are either harbringers of death, ridiculously sickly, or obsessive over dolls. Best friends in the form of god-infused, happy-go-lucky ravens.

And now, giant…fucking…robots.

…

Have I ever mentioned how much I freaking _lurrrrve_ Gensokyo?

"Wait, it's in the underground?" I frown. "I never saw it. Just how big are we talking, here?"

"Oh, it's reeeaaally far down." Utsuho says with a nod. "Like, really far. But it's super-big. It took both Yuugi-nee and Suika-san while _they_ were big to get it down there."

"Yuugi", she said? Huh, so that Yuugi girl they mentioned in the reactor's an oni, huh? And she's pals with Okuu and Orin… Hey, if I play my cards right, I'll be in the good books of two oni! That's a _guaranteed _"get-out-of-death-free" card, right there!

"-Ah!" Nitori's satisfied sound snaps me from my contemplation. I look up to see that she's walking a bit quicker to see a very old, hunched-over kappa with a long, white beard who is shuffling out of a large, rusty-looking red garage. "Oro-sama!"

She breaks out into a full run, forcing me to jog and Utsuho to take flight just to keep up. She comes to a stop in front of the little old man, panting a bit as she smiles widely.

"Ah, little Nitori." The old kappa's wrinkled lips curl up in a weak smile. "It's a good day, isn't it? How fares your projects?" He takes a moment to look behind her, straight at us. Utsuho grins and I give an awkward wave. "Heh-heh! Well, now! Aren't you going to introduce me to yer friends?"

"O-Oh, I'm terribly sorry!" Nitori blushes, hurrying over to us and, grabbing us by the arms in a quick motion, drags us over to the old man. "Oro-sama, these are Utsuho Reiuji and Ryan Randa. Utsuho and Ryan, this is Oro-sama, one of our village elders."

An elder! Better show my respect!

"It's a pleasure to meet you, sir!" I announce as politely as I can, bowing at the middle. Utsuho stares at what I'm doing, before getting the hint and imitating the action.

"Well, aren't you quick with the formalities, son?" Oro chuckles, taking a moment to look us over. "Hm. Reiuji, eh? I've heard of you from our little Nitori, here. You're a big help with the reactor project, good on ya!" Utsuho giggles and curtseys some, before Oro focuses on me. "Randa, was it? Those're some odd clothes you've got on, there. Would I be right in pegging you an outsider?"

"Well, I'm from the outside world, anyway…" I mutter. The term "outsider", no matter how friendly it's being used, still grates on my nerves.

"Alright, but enough about that!" Nitori blurts, crouching slightly to look Oro in the eye…or as much as she can beneath those ridiculously bushy eyebrows. "Oro-sama, your operation! How did it go, are you okay?"

Oro's eyebrows lower slightly and his mouth becomes a firm line.

_**BONK!**_

"Ow~!" Nitori cries, covering the top of her head where's Oro's cane just came crashing down.

"Of course I am, Missy! Honestly, you kids today - thinking us old kappa are gonna croak at any minute!" He sighs, rapping his cane twice on the ground, testing the condition, I'm guessing. "…Eh-heh! Seriously, though, I'm just fine! If it wasn't for the fact that I went to get it, you wouldn't even guess that replacement vertebrae was there!"

Replacement vertabre- _Huuuuuuuuh?_

"Yes siree, your little friend does some nice work! Kappa or not, she's every bit as bright as one!" He grins before looking out into the distance where the turret has just finished repairs. "Though her ideas _are_ a bit…uncouth." He held out his hands in a helpless shrug. "Eh, but what are you gonna do? Back in my day, table lamps were the big thing. I never can figure out you youngsters and your newfangled technology, and since _you _of all kappas were okay with it…"

"Y-…Yes." Nitori replied, her smile faltering for a second. "Of…of course. It can only serve to help our standing in Gensokyo and relations with others."

"The tengu seem to like us getting some new self-defense measures, anyway! Just the other day, Tenma was saying that we were growing some backbone aside from our shells!" He exclaimed with a wheezing laughter. He turns away from us and begins to shuffle off in that direction. "Ah…anywho, I gotta get going. You kids have yourselves a nice day, y'hear?"

"Thank you sir!" I call. Hey, hold on - idea forming! "Uh, elder Oro, sir? Would you mind letting us know if Aya Shameimaru arrives here?"

"Eh?" He scratches his head. "What, you kids expecting her?"

"In a way." Utsuho says, glancing to the side nervously. "We'd, ah, really appreciate it though!"

"I think I can handle setting there old eyes on the horizon for that crazy crow!" Oro complies, continuing on his way. "Don't worry 'bout it, youngsters!"

Wow, what a nice old guy! Nitori seems to really like him too…his word choice from before, "her of all kappas?" Does that mean she's, I don't know, a favorite of his or something?

Kind of like a… Grandfather…

I absent mindedly rest my hand on the gun at my waist.

"Oro-sama is so helpful!" Nitori exclaims cheerfully. "Though I would have appreciated it if you two had…ah?"

You know, I think I haven't been using the buster enough. Maybe next fight, I'll lay off of the sword, and…

"Ryan? Hey!" Utsuho waves her hand in front of my face. "Yoo-hoo! Anybody home?"

That last comment causes me to return to the real world. I shake my head quickly to break the hold my mind had on it, and give Okuu a questioning stare.

"…What?" She demands, pouting. "Just because I don't normally say things like that, it doesn't mean I needed Yatagarasu to tell me it!"

"Really, now?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

_**BONK!**_

OW~!

"Hmph. Serves you right for being mean." Utsuho smirks, sticking out her tongue.

"Ahem."

Nitori clears her throat loudly, in a successful attempt to grab our attention. She stands in front of the iron door in front of the garage, a hand on it to push it open.

"We don't exactly have a lot of time left in the day." Nitori mutters, pushing the door open. "So if you two could please focus on something besides the other for a few minutes, I would be very grateful."

Utsuho bashfully rubs the back of her head, smiling apologetically before going through the door being held open. I follow suit, bringing my collar up over my face to hide my embarrassed blush.

* * *

Youmu followed along behind Yuyuko, the path they were on having led into some thick woodland. Youmu frowned deeply, unable to figure out just what was going on.

At first, she'd definitely felt a presence besides their own in the area, but then it just…vanished. Not a single evidence of anyone was to be seen again.

Second, that sign that led to their destination. When she and Yuyuko both and taken their eyes off it, and Youmu had whirled around just to be sure…nothing. This trend had repeated moments ago when a sign tacked to a tree again said that their destination was a certain way and, when nobody was paying attention to it, it disappeared.

"Yuyuko-sama, something is very wrong here." Youmu called, looking around the area.

Yuyuko said nothing, but continued humming her third song today as she floated on by.

"…Oh, come now, Yuyuko-sama, I know you." Youmu sighed, holding her head in exasperation. "If I noticed it, you _definitely_ did. First the other presence, and now these signs? There is trickery at work here!"

Yuyuko stopped, her eyes popping open. She motioned for Youmu to stop moving then, once the gardener had complied, cupped a hand to her ear.

"…Oh! Dear me, you are absolutely right!" Yuyuko gasped, eyes wide. "There is something else here!"

Youmu's eyes lit up. Finally, she was getting through to her lady! If this were to continue, they could get the drop on their unknown guest for certain!

"You hear something!" Youmu asked, imitating Yuyuko's action.

"Yes, yes I do!" Yuyuko laughed, fists clenched in front of her sizable chest. "You know what it sounds like?"

"What is it, Yuyuko-sama?" Youmu asked with a prideful stance, drawing her katana. "Does it sound like an enemy?"

"No, silly!" Yuyuko beamed, bending one of her arms. "It sounds like…"

_**Woosh!**_

"ACK!"

"Lunch!" Yuyuko grinned. Her eyes fell on what her quick thinking had netted her: a small, black-haired fairy in a black dress. A fairy smaller than the usual ones, in fact. Small enough to pop in and chew up like nothing! What luck!

"H-Hey!" The fairy struggled violently, pounding her tiny fists on Yuyuko's fingers. "I-I can't breathe! Lemmie go!"

"Oh, that's just what I was planning on doing!" The ghost replied, licking her lips. She brought the fairy to her face. "But I need to be ready first, silly!"

"_Y-Yuyuko-sama!_"Youmu shrieked, dropping her sword entirely. "Wh-What are you _doing? _Yukari-sama said that if you-"

"She…spoke of a _night sparrow_… Didn't she?" Yuyuko began, her iron gaze falling on Youmu. "A bird youkai. Much too big to get in one bite, unlike _this_ little dear!" Yuyuko laughed in an almost-devious way, lifing the fairy slightly above her head. "Just a little fairy, she'll respawn once I'm finished! There should be no problems here!"

Youmu paused, considering Yuyuko's words.

Then, like a machine, she picked up her sword and put it away, calm as you please.

"H-HEY! Aren't you going to talk to her?" The fairy demanded, but Youmu paid her no heed. Yuyuko's mouth began to open… "Please, stop! I was just trying to get to the Myouren Temple!"

Suddenly, everything was quiet. Yuyuko's mouth shut abruptly, and Youmu's eyebrow slowly raised.

"…Myouren Temple. Well, you don't say." Yuyuko said slowly. "I don't suppose you've…been there before, have you?"

The fairy nodded fiercely.

"…Goodness! Why didn't you just say so?" Yuyuko asked, releasing the fairy and patting it on the head. "We happen to be heading that way to pay a special visit! I don't suppose you'd be willing to show us the way?"

"W…What?" The fairy asked. "B-But…you're not just gonna eat me anyway, are you?"

"Let me emphasize. You -could- show us the way. I never said we needed you to, though." Yuyuko spoke slowly and deliberately. "I -do- need, however, to eat eventually. Not to survive, but because not eating would just drive me _mad_. It'd be wise for you to make a choice - before _I_ do."

The fairy shivered. Youmu pulled on her sword's handle just enough so that the metal could glint in the light.

"Right this way, ladies!" The fairy squealed, darting off in a direction with Yuyuko and Youmu hot on her tail.

* * *

Whoa, what a place! That garage was just a placeholder - just a lotta scrap metal and odds and ends in various piles.

Then, in the center of the thing, Nitori rings up an elevator, and down we go! Now we're in a full-fledged laboratory!

"Dude!" I pass by a glass tube, inside of which is a creature that resembles a ghost… with a paper slip on its head and a big tongue lolling out. "Nitori, you can make _ghosts? _How do you manage that?"

"That one wasn't me." Nitori said shyly, tapping her fingers together. "That was my friend."

"AH!" Utsuho cries, jumping up and down. "Ryan! Ryan, come see! That box has a really big Third Leg!"

Third leg, wha? I rush over to where Okuu is hopping up and down. The particular section of hallway where she is has a glass window on the wall, for the sake of looking in and _viewing the two tanks down below!_

One's…made of flowers, somehow, and the other one has a yin-yang pattern! A motherfucking _flower_ and _yin-yang tank!_

"T-T-T…TANK! _TANK!_" I bellow, pointing twice with my arm outstretched. "A pair of…of fucking _tanks! _Nitori, where in the _hell_ did you get those things!"

"That…wasn't me either…" She spoke, now very quiet. "Um…those were by my friend, too."

Her friend makes ghosts, her friend makes tanks, who _is_ this friend! She's not a kappa either, right? How did she get the metal for all of this shit?

"Nitori! Nitori-Nitori-Nitori." I say bluntly, grabbing her by the shoulders. "Answer me one thing: did this friend of yours also build that giant robot?"

"Robot? Oh, Hisou Tensoku. You outsiders and your terminologies, first Sanae calls it that, and now-" New name, don't care, tell-me-tell-me-_tell-me! _I will _shake_ you until you do! "Ah-wah-wah! O-O-O-O-k-k-k-a-a-a-a-y! She had a primary role in the design!"

"SOLD, show me this friend!" I yell, releasing her, and rubbing my hands together. "I must meet this brilliant mind!"

Utsuho frowns, scratching the side of her head some. She walks up to me, and rests her hand on my arm.

"H-Hey, Ryan, remember," She said, poking my cheek, "we're _just_ here because of what happens to you when I'm in a fight with you, remember? Something _you and I _do?"

Huh?

Oh…right, I… I'm getting a little too worked up, I guess. But, I mean, someone who makes turrets, creatures, tanks and robots? That beats out most scientific minds in the _outside_ world! I want to know how you could ever manage that without the kind of technology that's only offered outside of Gensokyo!

"Whoo…okay. I'm calm." I say, taking a few deep breaths. I turn to Nitori, frowning a bit. "Er… Sorry, Nitori, I…freaked out a little."

"Aw, that's okay." She says, looking down with her cheeks tinted red. "That's something I'm used to. In fact, that's nothing compared to what Utsuho did when I showed her how I could modify her control rod."

…Oh, really? I turn very slowly and raise my eyebrow at Utsuho in an accusatory way. The raven, unable to stand my stare, lowers her head, her face reddening.

"H-Hey, it's not my fault." She says, twisting her foot in the ground. "Nitori-chan is just so cuuuuuute…"

"Auuuuuu~!" Nitori whines, pulling the brim of her hat down again. "I-I'll just go get my friend, now!"

Nitori hurries on ahead, bashful as she's ever been, straight on up to a set of steps leading up to a very large, round metal door. She pounds on it three times, calling for attention. Utsuho tugs on my sleeve a little, and I start along after her, with the raven right behind me.

"Hm? Ah, Nitori!" Comes a voice from seemingly nowhere. Searching with my eyes, I finally spot a camera in the corner of the hall. "I thought you weren't coming in today. What seems to be the problem?"

"Well, a couple of people were passing through, and they were shot at by your turret…" Nitori explains. "I brought them down here with me."

"You did _what? _Nitori-chan, I thought we weren't in the habit of giving tours!" Comes an exasperated voice. "This really isn't the best time for that kind of thing, I'm still working on my latest reactor-related project!"

"Reactor?" Okuu chimes in, stepping forward. "Ooh! You mean like _my_ reactor? Are you making something for me?"

"…What." Comes the girl's voice again. "Is that… Utsuho Reiuji? Above ground? Who let her out?"

Er, should I jump in or not? I mean, technically it wasn't my decision, but I'm still the one who… Oh, screw it. Wind, I throw my caution to you…!

"Ahem. Yes, hello, that'd be me." I clear my throat, stepping forward. "Uh, hi. Ryan Randa, an official of House Yakumo. How are you?"

The camera focuses on me, the lens expanding and receding.

"Hold on a second…" The girl's voice says. "You're not a youkai?"

"Last I checked, that's what it says on the label." I shrug.

Everything is quiet for a moment.

Shhhhhhh!

Steam shoots out of three holes on either side of the "door." The circular bolt on the right side begins to spin counter clockwise, before the of a lock being undone is audible. The bolt recedes on a track, moving into a slot in the ceiling. With all that out of the way, the door slides open.

_**WHIRRRRRRRRR…**_

The girl who I see now is, thankfully, considerably tall - only slightly shorter than myself. She is dressed in a very long lab coat, coming up just enough to see the brown pants she wears from the knee down going into black, heeled dress shoes. A yellow bow sits on the nape of her neck, just barely leaving the white cloth of her shirt exposed. Long, violet locks of hair come down, a white ribbon in the back creating an impromptu ponytail of sorts, one of those long, flowing ones. Her hand comes up to adjust the pair of glasses sitting beneath her purple eyes.

"Ryan, Utsuho," Nitori says, standing between us and her, "I'd like you to meet Rika-chan."

"Rika's only a nickname - Rikako Asakura is who my parents knew me as." Rikako says, smiling. "Charmed, Miss Reiuji, Mister Randa."

* * *

"Look! You see, I told you I wasn't lying!" The fairy said, breaking through a line of trees with Ghostly Team close behind.

The master and servant came up behind her to lay their eyes upon The Temple of Myouren. A vast, stone palace-like building rose up in front of their eyes, adorned by various violet streamer-like hangings and intricate glass windows. In a sense, would could say it bore a passing resemblance to an old-style cathedral…

…_But_, seeing as most nobody in Gensokyo knew western culture to any extent, the comparison would go forever unvocalized.

"Well, wouldn't you know it!" Yuyuko beamed with an airy laugh. "It certainly looks like the place to me, wouldn't you say, Youmu?"

"Indeed it does!" Youmu sighs, holding a hand over her chest. "You could never mistake it by looking!"

"There! I've done my part!" The fairy said, holding her head. "Now if you don't mind, I've had enough terror for one day, and I want to go home!"

"To the Temple of Myouren?"

"Yes, to the Temple of-" The fairy stopped. Her eyes shrunk to an incredibly small size. "…uh-oh."

Busted.

_**FLAAAAAASH!**_

"Ghyaaaaaah~!" The fairy shrieked, a wall of danmaku butterflies rising from her front and cutting her off. "H-Hey! What's the meaning of this!"

"I am the mistress of the dead spirits." Yuyuko deadpanned, looking very bored. "Exactly how foolish do you believe me to be?"

"Honestly." Youmu groaned, drawing her trusted blade. "You picked _the_ worst possible place to try and trick us at."

The fairy attempted to make some form of objection, but, when she could not find the words, sighed heavily and glowered at them. A black aura encased her body.

"Kh. Damnit!" She growled, rising above the two. "Fine, fine, so you caught me. Big freaking deal. My question is, how'd you do it?"

"Well…no, it'd be too easy for me." Yuyuko said, holding her fan up in front of the lower half of her face. "Youmu, be a dear and divulge for this one, would you?"

"Right away, Yuyuko-sama!" Youmu bowed before facing the fairy. "You see, even if Yuyuko-sama hadn't known which way to go to begin with, there's a big problem with the location you chose."

"That being?" The fairy asked, raising an eyebrow.

"We were just here last night." Youmu said. "For all that you changed, the general setting is still pretty much the same."

For a moment, all was quiet. Then, all was not.

"RRRRRRGH, Damnit-damnit-_damnit!_"

_**Warble-warble-warble!**_

Like a dissipating mirage, the form of the fairy disappeared to reveal a black haired and black dressed trident-wielding youkai. The "Temple of Myouren" did the same, revealing the same ruined village they had been in the night prior.

"You've gotta be freaking _kidding me!_"Nue Houjuu roared, kicking and flailing in the air, the snake on her arm hissing with discontent. "I used four Seeds of Non-Identification to set this up! Four! And it _still_ didn't freaking work! What is _wrong_ with the world!"

"More like what is wrong with you?" Youmu snapped, getting into a battle stance. "Why did you try to deceive us? We know Lady Byakuren never turns anyone down!"

"Yeah? Well listen up, spooks - _that's the problem_." Nue hisses dangerously, pointing at the two accusingly. "With all the crap that's been going on, we aren't going to run the risk of anyone taking advantage of Lady Byakuren's kindness! Captain's orders - I keep bothersome maniacs like you from causing trouble for her!"

"A _maniac_, am I? Well, now!" Yuyuko huffed, pouting. "I don't think I like your tone very much!"

"Are you kidding? You were going to freaking _eat_ me!" Nue scoffed, twirling her trident in her hand. "That's the most psycho thing I've seen all season!"

Yuyuko was quiet for a moment, before a wide smile began to form on her face.

"Thaaaaaat's ri~ight!" She beamed, a trickle of drool forming at the corner of her mouth. "And now? Now you're going to be my meal no matter _what_ you say."

"As if!" Nue shot back, though her eyes expanded in a worrisome way. "You're just a pair of specters who need a good exorcising! And I might not be no Reimu, but I've got plenty of 'ghost-be-gone' to spare!"

Yuyuko let off a low chuckle, no longer even caring about her words. The nue shuddered, but held her ground.

"Youmu. This dish isn't quite ready, is it?" Yuyuko asked. "_Prepare it for me._"

Youmu spoke not a word and made not a sound, but readied her blade and was upon the trickster youkai in a second.

* * *

"So, the ability to absorb particles of sunlight…"

"Among other things, or that's my understanding, anyway."

"You guys, you _could_ just ask me yourself?"

"Hey! I don't wanna be left out~!"

We all follow along behind Rika, which I'll be calling her because, eh, Rikako doesn't flow that well for me. She and Nitori are discussing that which I had told Nitori already, pretty much ignoring me and Okuu both.

"Intriguing, simply intriguing." Rika says, clapping her hands together. "Well, if your asking me, I'd say there was some kind of subconscious reaction within Randa's mind."

"Really?" Nitori asked, stroking her chin. "I would've thought it was the Yatagarasu that…"

"Oh! So there was some truth in that after all?" Rika beamed, adjusting her glasses. "Although that makes my current project more complicated…"

"GIRLS!"

Me and Okuu pant heavily after that simultaneous shout which, thankfully, got the two scientists to pay attention.

"…Ah! Ryan, I'm terribly sorry about that." Rika says with a laugh. "You're human, I forgot. I ought to treat you like one."

Hey, what's _that_ supposed to-

"Hey, what about me?" Utsuho whines, materializing her control rod. "Third Leg needs adjustment, and I can't do it by myself!"

Rika turns towards Okuu. Her face lights up, and her hand slowly moves to a lock of her hair, which she begins to twirl thoughtfully around her finger. Though I'm not too sure I like the way she's looking at my partner, she finally breaks her self-induced trance and claps her hands together.

"Third Leg? That old thing?" Rika turns away, pulling a metal…remote? -from her sleeve. "You know, Hell Raven, you could _not_ have come at a better time!"

_**Beep!**_

Her thumb slams on the red button on her remote, and a large panel in the floor moves, revealing a hole in the floor.

"Ah! Rika-chan, what's this~?" Nitori sings, her eyes sparkling. "Is this what you were working on?"

"That's right!" The human girl beams, holding up to remote to press the button again. "What I have here will revolutionize the way the underground reactor is handled, and should increase output by as much as 1.74 times the normal amount!"

_**Beep!**_

A platform raises from the hole, a large metal object strapped to it. It's not as long as Third Leg, but it's thicker and looks a bit more sleek. Or maybe that's just because it's rounded more, hell, I dunno. Black in color, the central length of it is lined by four thick attachments that look almost like…_fingers._

"Woooooow…" Utsuho gapes, eyes wide and jaw open.

There is a metal ring towards the opposite end, with what looks like three stub-like knobs on it. The end itself extends slight past a hole within a more boxy attachment, where it looks like…an _arm_ might fit…

"The future of control rods, ladies and gentleman-assuming!" Rika says, punctuating her little joke at my expense with a giggle. "I give you the Artificial Temperament Emission Node!"

"Artifi… Huh?" Utsuho asks, headtilting.

"Huh. So you _are_ a little…limited." Rika sniffs nonchalantly. "Well, if that's too hard, just call it the ATEN."

"The ATEN?" I ask. That name sounds so…familiar… "So, wait, Utsuho's going to have a second control rod?"

"Ahhhhh~!" The moment the proposition leaves my lips, my partner's face light's up like a child's on Christmas morning. She takes to the air and does a few loops. "A second control rod…! Yay, Third Leg's gonna have a twin sister!"

"Ah-ha-ha, don't be ridiculous!"

Me and Utsuho stop at that sudden outburst. I look to her, and she shares my same expression of "huh?"

"This is a much better model!" Rika says, walking over to the ATEN and placing a hand on it. "You won't need that silly Third Leg anymore! This is made to cover up for that one's flaws and transcend its capabilities!"

Well, that does sound nice, but…

Wait a second. Utsuho looks kind of…down…

_**Throb.**_

Ow. What was _that?_

"What?" Nitori suddenly blurts, stepping forward. "H-Hey, Rika-chan, Third Leg isn't that old yet! I mean, it's great you've come up with this, but my model should still have a few more years left in it!"

Well, yeah! No need to replace what ain't broken, right?

_**Throb.**_

Ow! What the-

A headache? Now?

"Oh, don't be silly, Nitori-chan!" Rika says, patting the smaller girl on the head. "Third Leg's been good and all, but think about it: Utsuho came all this way to get it tweaked, with ATEN, there'd be no need for it!" Rika says. "I have all the plans lying around here, I could get them. I just need you to speak with the mountain gods…"

"Hey!" Utsuho shouted, waving her hand around over her head. "Um, that's nice and all, but I just want to get Third Leg adjusted!"

Yeah, don't be so damn pushy!

Wait! She's not really being pushy. Why am I feeling so aggressive right now?

_**Throb!**_

And _what_ is _with_ this damnable headache?

"Even so, it's still partially my lab." Nitori huffed, pouting. "I wish you would have told me before you went and…"

Their voices are fading out at the end of each sentence. Is something wrong with my ears, are they full of wax or something?

Maybe if I just took my pinky and…

Throb!

Whack!

"GAH!" I wince. I just socked myself in the side of the head!

"R-Ryan?" Utsuho calls, noticing my current state. "What's wrong? Do you need to go lie down?"

N-No… I'm fine… I just don't know what's-

_**THROB!**_

_GAAAAAAAH!_

"M-My head…hurts…!" I groan though clenched teeth, Utsuho hurrying over to me while the other two are discussing what to do about the ATEN…

The ATEN?

"Heeeeey, Rikaaaaa!" I call, huching over slightly. "What's powering that thing, anywaaaaay?"

"Hm? Oh, nothing much. I just have some bioelectric solar panels on the roof, sending a pulse that-" She pauses, seeing my condition. "-Ah! What's going on? Is this another side effect of close proximity to Utsuho?" She turns towards Nitori. "Nitori-chan, get your notepad! You might want to right this down!"

P-Pulses from solar panels? Could that be what's-

_**THROOOOB!**_

_-HURGH! _Okay, these are getting worse!

The eye in utsuho's chest begins to blink with light rapidly, as if in morse code. She whirls around to see the ATEN and gasps.

"Um! Um! Rikako-san!" Utsuho calls, waving frantically. "Please put that away now, please?"

"What? Now?" Rika frowns, looking between us and her creation. "But this would be the _perfect_ time for a test run!"

_**THROB!**_

_**WHUMP!**_

I fall on my knees, by body shuddering.

I…feel…sick…

"It's _hurting_ him!" Utsuho shouts angrily, her focus on keeping me up. "Please, we can look at it later, just put it away!"

"…Are you _sure?_" Rika asks weakly.

_**THROB.**_

Welp.

That's all, folks.

_**WHUD.**_

* * *

**Kappa Village - Roughly Two Minutes Ago**_**  
**_

"…Hm. Sun's just about reached it's highest." Oro mutters, facing the horizon with squinting eyes. "No sign of any tengu, crow or otherwise."

The elderly kappa frowned, sitting up higher against his hut.

"…Maybe I'm facing the wrong way?"

Shrugging, Oro turned to the east, squinting again to see if anything was coming in the direction of the Human Village.

He didn't even notice as a white-and-brown blur darted past him along the outer rim and into the village.

The blur darted over the heads of the kappas hard at work, quick enough that the repaired turret didn't even sense her passing by. She began to fall in an arc and hit the roof of one of the houses hard. Then hit another, and another, still with such a velocity that nobody could tell if it was a fairy or some random youkai who got hit hard enough that it was rebounding off of their homes.

Finally, the moving figure leapt higher, landing with a solid impact on top of one of the garages. This one was lined with rows of reflective, metal panels. Any kappa who might've been asked could have told her that these were solar panels, typically used to power very high-spec and fragile equipment. However, as this was not a kappa, she had no clue.

And, naturally, didn't know that landing on them so hard would outright _break_ them.

_**BANG!**_

"Waaaaah!" The figure leapt back as the glass on several panels exploded outward and the plates crumpled inward. "…Ayayayaya~, what the heck was _that?_"

* * *

Nitori, Rika, and Utsuho were lost for words.

As soon as that last headache hit, Ryan's eyes rolled into the back of his head. He fell against Utsuho, who propped him against her and began to shake him for a response. However, he was soundly unconscious. Needless to say, the Hell Raven began to freak out quite a bit.

Rikako had began making her way over to the ATEN to send it back under the floor, when the man had fallen over. Her scientific curiosity kicking in, she began to ask a lot of questions that Utsuho did not care to answer, more worried for what had happened than concerned as to how it did.

It was Nitori, however, who had noticed something else. A Spell Card had falled from Ryan's pocket when he had collapsed. Despite his not being conscious, she had shouted to get the others' attention, the card with beginning to shine. Activating without command.

A ball of blue light formed over the card, its form wobbling and expanding in irregular ways. First, two stick-like protrusions burst from the bottom, bending in the middle. Then, the ball became more ovular in shape. Next, two more protrusions of similar proportions had extending from the sides at the top. Those two grew a ball on the end of each, that reached back to the top of the ovular structure and pulled from it, somehow, another ball - smaller, this time.

The light then, for lack of a better term, flaked off of the figure, revealing…Ryan?

No, not him - he was still out cold. Utsuho, however, had an inkling to what this was.

"…Heeeeey…" She began, eyes narrowing. This was Ryan's clone, from back in the forest!

"…Whoa." The clone said. "Um, shyeah. So, this is…totally awkward, huh?"

"Hey!" Utsuho exclaimed this time, readjusting the unconscious Ryan so that he was leaning against her higher. "I know you! You're that clone!"

"Huh? Oh. Yep, that'd be me, huh-huh." The clone grinned in a doofy way, giving a thumbs-up.

"Ah, this is Ryan's cloning spell card!" Nitori gasped, cautiously approaching. "Um, excuse me? How did you activate on your own, Clone?"

"Whoa-whoa-whoa. Interrogation. Gnarly, bro." The clone said, holding up his hands defensively. "Like, first things first. I totally have a name."

"Ryan _named_ you?" Utsuho asked, a little miffed she hadn't been told. She could've thought of a really good name, like…Sparkles! Or Fluffy! …Well, more of a "Fuzzy", in this case. Wait, why was she thinking about this, that wasn't important! "When did that happen?"

"Like, a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…"

The girls stood (sat, in Utsuho's case) with rapt attention.

"Or, like, before he was even in Gensokyo. You know, potato po-tah-toe."

The girls collectively groaned.

"Um, I'm sorry, but, could you please be serious?" Nitori sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "In case you hadn't noticed, your master, I think, is out cold. And when that happened, you showed up."

"What, for reals?" The clone took a closer look at Utsuho this time and, finally, noticed the unconscious mirror of himself slumped against her. "…Uh-oh. Um… that's, eh, not supposed to happen. Totally uncool, for sure."

The clone sighed, looking around and scratching his head.

"…Alright, alright. I'll spill it." The clone finally spoke, rolling his half-lidded eyes. "Whaddya want?"

"Start off with what you were about to tell us _anyway?_"Rika pressed. "Your name?"

"Oh. Roight." The clone grinned, slicking back his hair. "Broski there calls me CS. You ladies can, like, call me Common."

* * *

**What.**

**The clone, what. But he's not- CS was supposed to be just a-**

…_**Huuuuuuuh?**_

**Yep, yep yep-yep. This is just the beginning of the confusing shit to explain just what the hell CS is doing here. Something that'll take the remainder of the arc just to establish, I bet. This is the first "big thing" to be introduced in this arc. If you have been following, you know that CS has been mentioned since the first chapter. I've been setting up for him along the way **_**ever since**_**. Show of hands, who guessed this would happen?**

**Rikako Asakura, straight outta the PC-98 games! There is a matter to address right off of the bat, of course: you're combining her and TH2 Rika?**

**Indeed. Simply put, there's plenty of evidence to suggest the two are one and the same. First off, of course, is the name. Rika, Rika**_**ko. **_**It's a single-syllable difference. Secondly, their alternating palettes - the colors are **_**exactly the same**_**. Both are scientists in nature, and neither were said to get along well with Reimu. Finally, Phantasmagoria of Dim Dream, when Kotohime confronts her and wins she says that there is a ghost behind Rikako. A **_**ghost**_**. Y'know, like the ghosts Rika made to fight Reimu in TH2? That makes four similarities between these two supposedly different characterers, people, for two characters who were never fully explained. For this reason, some people assume they're sisters. Me? No. They're the same bloody person, in my book.**

**_Do not let this chapter's ending deceive you._ Focus on the ATEN bit. Rika is important. **_**Very**_** important. I'm honestly a little miffed that I downplayed her a bit. Luckily, that's what Part 2 is for!  
**

**Oh yeah, the ATEN. No, it's not what you think it is. Unless you think it's that. You know, **_**that**_**. Then it totally is what you think it is.**

**NEXT TIME ON AVERAGE JOE IN BULLET HELL: "She Blinded Me With 'SCIENCE!' - Part 2!"**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, reade-**

_**KRT!**_

…**What the-?**

_**BZZZZZZT!**_

**Hey! **_**What the hell's going o-**_

_**BZZZZZZZZZRRRRRRT!**_

_**...**_

* * *

"So, Chino escaped the mansion?"

"That is correct."

"Good, good. Where is he now?"

"He is en route to a base to the north."

"Any problems?"

"There is someone following him. We don't know who, but they have a nearly invisible signal on the thermal radar."

"I see… Does he know he's being followed?"

"Given the distance, it's hard to imagine he wouldn't."

"Have you tried contacting him?"

"Yes, but…that's the strangest part of it, he…won't respond."

"…"

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing, it's…nothing. You may leave."

"At once."

…

"…What the _hell_ happened in that building? …Unless… Did those meddlers manage to-? …This is a problem. I'll need to play it carefully from here on out. The miko and witch don't even have a lead. I doubt the ghosts will care too much. The guard and maid, well…I imagine they can be dissuaded. Randa and Reiuji, however…"

_**WHIRRRRRR…**_

"I don't know what they did, but…if what's happened to Chino is what I think it is, they caused it. No matter how, they've gotten too involved. I'll have to put them down."

_**KA-SHVING! **_

"Personally."

* * *

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_


	25. Chapter 25

…**Huh.**

**O-Oh! Hello, readers! Didn't see you there, ha-ha!**

**That was…quite something wasn't it? Heh, I had you all going with that little bit at the end of the chapter didn't I? No worries, your Sasquatch has everything under control! Ah, Including his story. **_**Especially**_** his story! …Right. Ahem.**

**So, in this continuation, both sides of Ryan shall meet, and Utsuho shall pummel a very strangely-acting tengu. All the while a kappa scientist is trying to keep things under control and her friend is indulging scientific curiosity a little too much.**

**And on the other end of the spectrum, Nue must keep our secondary squad of -cough-cough- "protagonists" at bay for the sake of her captain, her temple, and her revered Youkchrist-er, Byakuren. Can she succeed? …No. But hey, she'll give it the old try!**

**Now, off to…**

**Oh, disclaimer. Yeah, I, uh, don't own any of this except Ryan and CS. So, take that as you will.**

**On to the show! And be sure to look up this chapter's battle music on YouTube beforehand!  
**

**…**

**(Now that that's out of the way, who the HELL cut me off back there?)**

* * *

Chapter 25: She Blinded Me With "SCIENCE!" - Part 2

"Wait, wait, wait-wait-wait-wait." Rikako frowned, scrunching her brow. "No, I refuse to take this at face value."

CS turned away from where he had been, hunched over and poking his other self in the face, to face the skeptical scientist with a raised eyebrow.

"Seriously?" He asked, striding past her to one of the panels on the wall. "Like, come on, Rika-chick. Okuu over there totally gets me, and the little dudette in the corner doesn't got a problem."

"And even _that_ goes against the usual procedure. It makes no sense even when you throw _magic_ into the wing!" Rika countered. "You are active without your master conscious, and you are even acting without orders." She paused, now noticing that he was fiddling with the panel. "H-Hey! That's sensitive equipment…!"

"Rika-san does make a good point." Nitori chimed in, hesitantly approaching the careless copy. "Magic that splits one into two is not unheard of, but in most cases, any kind of duplication magic cannot occur if the original is, well…indisposed."

"Oh. Roight." CS sniffs, still looking over the monitor at where he is while waving his hands in a circle. "It's like…well, how do I put this…? Like, my name is Common Sense, roight? That's not just cause I was telling' him do-right from bad stuff, man. I'm, like, kinda his back-up brains, you dig?"

_Wait a second… _Okuu blinks, still unmoving from her spot on the ground. _That sounds just like… Does Ryan have a Yatagarasu, too?_

The eye in her chest flared up.

_**Fool…don't be a… **_The god spirit snorted, _**A separate consciousness…within one's self. Insanity…a genuine…**_

_What? _Utsuho whispered harshly within her mind. _Ryan's crazy? Don't say that! That's so mean!_

…_**Calm…yourself. **_The Yatagarasu groaned, the eye rolling in exasperation. _**The separation…its own being. How…no clue. Anymore…not quite a madness…**_

"You two havin' a nice chat over there?" CS rings out, bringing Okuu back to reality as he gestures to her and the now-dormant eye. "If so, you mind waking boss-man down there? Cool. I'ma just do this…"

_**Click!**_

"B-Be careful with that!" Nitori blurted out, before covering her face with her hat, embarrassed by her outburst. "Erm, that is, we have much valuable research in those systems…"

"Like, _relax_, angry slacks." CS drones from where he stands. "I'm just checkin' something' out…" The clone leaned in towards the monitor, stroking his chin. "…Yep. Thought so."

"What? Thought what?" Rika asks, her intrigue piqued.

"Waves a' solar radiation. Been pourin' 'em in to juice up that doohickey, yeah?" He asks, gesturing to the ATEN. "Figured as much. Like, boss-man's been taking 'em in ever since he got down here. Too much juice for him to take, too spread out for him to notice. Baked his brain pretty good, and when it stopped, like, BOOM!" The clone here slapped his hands together for dramatic effect. "Out like a light, dude. And then I popped out."

"The energy had to go somewhere?" Nitori asked. CS nodded.

"Yep. I was waking up a bit at the time, so…"

"E-Excuse me?"

The conversing stopped, as everyone turned to face Utsuho, who now decided to speak up.

"This is all very interesting, but what about Ryan? The real one, I mean?" She asked, shaking the conked out fellow lightly. "He's breathing, but he's not waking up."

"Huh. Some kinda overload." CS shrugged, looking back towards the ATEN. "The power all built up and released at once. My guess? Dude needs time to build it back up on his own."

Utsuho frowned some, but nodded all the same. Her gaze went back to her friend, who shifted slightly in his dreamless sleep. He had gotten hurt on her watch. Again. First with the fairy, then with that turret thing, now it was by a control rod.

_Her_ next control rod, at that. This caused her expression to sour even further.

"…Um…sorry." CS muttered. He got the idea quite well, despite his otherwise dopey appearance. "I'm like not a substitute for broski there, but I'm _technically_ him, so that _kinda_ counts…?"

The room went quiet, save for an awkward cough from Nitori.

"…Uh? Wait!" Utsuho exclaimed, shooting up from her spot and accidentally letting Ryan slump to the floor. "You said that he fell over when those radiation waves _stopped?_"

"Yeah." CS shrugged. "Why? S'there a problem?"

"Oh goodness… Those panels aren't _supposed_ to stop!" Rika shouted, slapping a hand to the side of her head. "Someone outside must have damaged them!"

"…Like, you totally don't think…?" The clone began, standing up straighter.

"Aya-san?" Nitori finished in a hushed voice.

* * *

"Gyaaaaaaah!"

"Alert! Alert! Somebody contact the tengu!"

"Jeez, you guys, stop moving around so much!" Aya laughed, darting through crowds of fleeing kappa. "Come on, I only need a few of you! The really smart few! Just lemmie see 'em and I'll leave!"

Aya, shortly after arriving in Kappa Village, went about what she had been sent to do. In this case, that was -rather than _highly_ invasive reporting- recruit a select few kappa to bring back with her to the base.

She couldn't understand what she had done to get them so riled up. Really, all she was doing was knocking on a few doors, asking a few questions, and asking if they would accompany her!

…Meanwhile, in reality, the frenzied tengu was crashing through doors, shaking frightened kappa while sputtering stringed-together demands, and then -whether they answered or not- attempted to drag them kicking and screaming from their homes.

But, y'know, where's the difference there?

"Ah, here we go!" Aya grinned, catching a kappa by the waist. Specifically, it was the long-haired girl who had made a pass at Ryan from her window. "You, waterfall-locks, what're you good at?"

"What? I-I just make toasters!" The girl squealed, fighting Aya's grip. "Please, Miss Shameimaru, let me go!"

"Toas-ter?" Aya pondered, a finger to her lower lip. "If it 'toasts' something, then… Ooh! Some kinda flame-based weaponry!" Aya beamed, hefting the girl higher. "That settles it! You're the first one to join us, sweetie!"

"Wait!" The kappa cried. "That's not it at all! Let me-"

_**SHVING!**_

"-GYAAAAAAH!" As they say, ask and ye shall receive. The kappa girl received a large green shockwave cleaving through the air where Aya had her in her grasp moments before wisely deciding to let her go. Of course, this left the poor girl falling from a considerable height. "Help!"

_**Fwap!**_

The girl landed heavily in the grasp of Utsuho, who began to steadily lower them back to the ground.

"It's alright, I've got you!" The raven called over the girl's frantic shrieking. She had to adjust her grip several times, seeing as she wouldn't sit still. "Unyuu… Hey, cut it out! You're kicking me!"

"…What the?" Aya's mouth hung agape, the spectacle before her confusing her to no end. "Is that…the Hell Raven? Above ground?" She pointed at the subject in mention, who bashfully waved back. "…Ayayayayaaaaaaa~! Whatta scoop! Oh man, if I was still working in newspapers, the revenue this would bring in!"

"Like, you're not running the Bunbunmaru anymore?" Came a male tone of voice.

"Nope! Why should I, when _now_ I've got-" Aya froze. That voice had come from right behind her. "…Um. Ayaya…I think I'm in trouble." She slowly turned around.

A auburn-haired fellow in a short-sleeved tee and blue jeans was pointing a Scottish claymore at her with an almost stoned expression, complete with a dopey smirk. "Like, 'sup?"

"Huh? Oh, hey! If it isn't Ryan! I thought you couldn't fly? Great job!" Aya beamed, giving a two-fingered salute. "Y'know, considering that _is_ you, right?"

"Technically." CS replied.

"Eh-heh…you're not mad about the story I printed, are you?" Aya asked. CS paused, considering this a moment before shaking his head. "Okay, then what's with the sword?"

_**Woosh!**_

Utsuho took to the sky behind Aya, materializing her control rod.

"You were about to kidnap that girl, weren't you?" The raven asked, an oddly cheerful demeanor. "For a group of bird youkai, right?"

"Yeah! You know?" Aya grinned, before her expression fell completely. "…Wait. You _know_. …Uh-oh."

"Shyeah, you asked about the sword?" CS asked, raising the weapon higher. "Like, all the better to interrogate you with, my dear."

_**-Cue Music - "Magnum Opus - Wind God Girl Metal Remix"-**_

"Heh…heh-heh…"

Both CS and Utsuho frown a bit as Aya starts laughing. She dashes backwards in the air, before raising her head to face the two, with eyes devoid of irises or pupils.

"_Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!_" The tengu laughs in a haughty way, the back of her hand to her mouth._ "_You both are going to be troublesome, aren't you? It's a good thing I sent _her!_"Aya grins, brandishing her fan.

"Um. Like, what?" CS asks, scratching the side of his head. "But, like you're the only one here…"

"…Huh?" Aya asks after shaking her head, the color returned to her eyes. "What were we talking about…?" She pauses. "Well, whatever! You guys are getting in the way of my recruitment! Sorry, but I'll have to take you down!"

"We're ready for you!" Utsuho declares, raising her control rod. "Common, let's get her!"

* * *

"_Cloud Sign "Heian Dark Clouds" !_"

Nue backflips in the air, avoid a swift stroke from Youmu and raising her Spell Card in the air.

"Let's see if you spooks can keep up!" Nue grins before her shape changes, becoming a ball of violet energy. The air above them, just above the trees actually, is filled with what appears to be storm clouds.

"Oh, come now, what is this?" Yuyuko asks, yawning with boredom. "Some kind of illusion?"

"Tell you what: sit right there and find out!" Comes Nue's voice, followed by a sharp cackling. Immediately following the laugh, a booming sound roared overhead.

_**CRACK-KOOOOM!**_

"What the-" Youmu begins.

_**BZZZZZZAP!**_

"Gyaaaaah!" The swordwoman shrieks. A laser, thin and bright yellow and color, had blasted down from the clouds the moment the thundering noise had stopped. Youmu was struck, engulfed in a golden flame for a moment before the attack ended, leaving her on one knee while using her sword to support herself, panting heavily. Her ghost half hovered low, looking oddly scorched.

"Kyah-ha-ha! You like it, right?" Nue calls. "And I'll tell you something: these lasers don't just look like bolts of lightning-they _act_ like them too!"

_**CRACK-KOOOOM!**_

"Agh!" Youmu grunted, kicking off the ground at breakneck speed, her ghost half flattening as it followed, leaving the 'lightning' to strike the ground where she had just been. She understood right away, her sword was acting like a lightning rod!

"Oop!" Came Yuyuko's sudden yelp. The ghost princess lazily floated backwards with a look of surprise as a laser crashed down where she had been. "Well, _that_ was close. Youmu, why aren't you doing your job~?"

_**Smack!**_

Youmu's palm collided with her face upon Yuyuko's whining.

"_Hey! _Pay attention!" Nue yelled with obvious aggravation. "I'm trying to blast you, here!"

_**CRACK-KOOOOM!**_

Yuyuko's eyes closed in thought. _Let's see, the first time there was one, and it headed straight for Youmu. The second time there was two, and they aimed for both of us in our exact positions. So this time…_

"Youmu! Duck down!" Yuyuko demanded, cupping her hands over her mouth so the sound would carry farther. Not about to question it, Youmu flattened herself against the ground while Yuyuko rose up towards the clouds.

_**BOOM!**_

The bolts came in the shape of an "X", crossing through the prior positions of Ghostly Team. The attack passed over Youmu and under Yuyuko, striking the ground before fading.

"Erk-!" Nue grunted, her voice laced with a hint of shock. They'd discovered her pattern already?

…No, it was just the princess. If she could hit the gardener quickly…!

_**CRACK-KOOOOM!**_

"No escape for you, half-ghost!" Nue yelled, prepping another attack.

Yuyuko merely smiled. The nue had no clue, did she? She was clearly rushing because Yuyuko had figured out the strategy. What their opponent clearly _wasn't_ aware of was Youmu's own exceptional abilities of deduction.

"_Life Ending Sword "Meditation" !_"

Youmu's sword was engulfed by a white aura, creating an even larger blade around the physical katana. Taking to the air, Youmu swung with all she could muster, cleaving through the oncoming laser, through the clouds…

_**SLSSSSH!**_

"GAAAH!"

…And through Nue.

The clouds immediately cleared, the spell dismissed. The ball of energy disappeared and the real Nue came down from where she had been above.

"You're known for your abilities of illusion. The lasers were clearly real, and the clouds weren't fake as they were being used to gather the energy." Youmu spoke, looking rather pleased with herself. "Therefore, the illusion in that card had to have been the 'you' that was down here with us."

"Hmph. Don't look so smug." Nue smirked in kind, holding up her hand in which her next card appeared. "It's too early for that! I've got plenty of tricks left for the both of you!"

* * *

"Nitori!"

Rika came running from the direction of the garage, stopping with her hands planted on her knees and gasping for breath. The kappa she was calling for hurried over from where she was leading people away from the area, and tried to help the human steady herself.

"Rika-san, thank goodness!" Nitori sighed, wiping a bit of sweat from her brow. "Utsuho and Common are attempting to suppress Aya now. What's Randa-san's status?"

"I set him somewhere in the lab…where he ought to recover…a bit faster." Rika wheezed, standing up straight. "You've evacuated everyone in the village?"

"Almost everyone. I can't find Oro-sama!" Nitori exclaimed, scanning the area with a worried glance. "Rika-san, I'm scared! What if something happened to him?"

"Relax! It looks like the tengu was just looking to take kappas, not kill them." Rika groaned, patting Nitori on the head. "Wherever he is, I'm sure he's-"

_**WOOOOOSH!**_

"-YIPE!" Rika's sentence was cut off when she ducked for cover, avoiding a gust of razor-sharp wind that cut through the air over her head. "Gyah! Honestly, you think they could keep it in the sky! Nitori, care to lend a hand?"

"…I…well…" Nitori frowned, poking her index fingers together. "I want to make sure that everyone stays out of the way…"

Rika groaned, shaking her head. When it came to the wellbeings of others, Nitori was always impossible to motivate for…well, anything else, really.

"Alright. But you're not going to be standing around." Rika huffed. "Help me get those solar panels repaired."

"But Ryan-" Nitori began.

"I said _repaired_, not online." Rika explained, adjusting her glasses. "Now, come along!"

"_Whirl Sign "Maple Leaf Fan" !_"

Meanwhile overhead, the "suppression" was starting out as more of a "struggle."

"Get back!" Utsuho yelped, darting backwards when a small, but tall blue twister broke through the air between her and the clone. "Common, what's our plan?"

"What're you askin' me for?" CS asked, readying his claymore to parry any danmaku. "I'm a copy, Okuu. In terms of being in charge I'm, like, third down the line?"

The eye in Utsuho's chest glowed brightly. Angrily, at that.

"Right. _Fourth_ in line." CS corrected himself. "Anywho, you give the orders, boss-lady."

"What? A copy?" Aya asked over the roaring winds, readying her fan. "Hey! Since when can you do that? You left that out of the interview, jerk!"

_**Woosh!**_

"Like, zoinks!" Common cried out, spinning back further to avoid another twister. "Anywho, you're in charge!"

"Does that make any problems?" Okuu asked, readying her control rod.

"Just two. First, no Spell Cards from me. I am one." He shrugged, putting his claymore away in favor of his firearm. "Second, totally destructible. I take too much damage I'll, like, go boom."

"…Okay. I think I can work with that." Okuu frowned, taking a moment to think. "…Okay! Can you charge shots?"

"Shyeah."

"Get one ready!" Utsuho raised her wings high before giving them a mighty flap, a booming noise sounding as she rocketed towards Aya. "Hiyaaaaaah!"

"Ha! As if!" Aya casually floated to the side, allowing the divebombing raven to fly on by. "I'm the fastest in Gensokyo! Didn't you know?"

_**THOOOOOM!**_

"Ack!"

Aya's eyes bulged out of her sockets, an organge light shining off her back as a wide laser from Okuu slammed hard into her blind spot. The tengu's back arched, pushing her chest forward while the stream continued into her back.

"Oh, I gotcha!" CS grinned, aiming his buster and letting off a bright blue shot towards Aya. The bullet tore through the air, the hit all-but-certain…

But that thing Aya said about being the fastest in Gensokyo?

_**CRRRRACK!**_

_**WHOOM!**_

She wasn't talking out of her ass.

"Agh… Bummer, dude!" CS winced in pain, holding the shoulder Utsuho's laser had just cleaved through, now missing a considerable chunk with white, shining cracks stretching from the wound. "What happened?"

"Oh, poor Third Leg…!" Utsuho whined, examining the place where CS' charge shot had hit in her attempt to defend herself, now blackened and scuffed. "I'll need Nitori to get that out of you…"

"Ha-ha! Serves you right!" Aya grinned from higher above them, arms folded over her chest. The very instant before the two shots sandwiched her, she had shifted to the side out of Utsuho's laser and took off above them in an imperceptible blur, the breeze resulting redirecting their shots at each other rather than the tengu herself. "You really thought I couldn't break out of that? I'm one of the most powerful tengu around, you guys! It'll take a lot more to trap _me!_"

Utsuho grimaced at Aya's remark. The crow had a good point. Up until now, they had fought opponents a lot weaker or dumber than them. The only other time had been with Alice, and _that_ had been through luck and surprise. Not to mention she always had Ryan to make the strategy for them, but now… Now it was all up to her. She couldn't rely on someone else's plan, and she couldn't just try to blast the problem until it went away.

"Hey, boss-lady!" Came Common's voice. "You okay over there?"

Utsuho nodded to herself. Right, she was going to outsmart or outgun this tengu one way or another. And when she did, Nitori would be happy that she was stopped. Heck, Ryan would probably be proud of her, too, he might even hug her! And when she told everyone in the underground about her success…!

"…Um." Aya blinked at Utsuho's actions, the raven with hands to her red cheeks and wiggling in midair. "Are you sick or something, sis? Want to take a break, there?"

"Oh! Unyuu…" Okuu fiddled with a lock of her hair out of embarrassment before taking a more assertive stance. "No way! Just you watch, we're going to win!"

Aya smirked at Utsuho's confidence. She noticed CS, ready to support his temporary mistress, raised his buster to shoulder level. Seemed the Hell Raven would be running the show after all.

"Adorable." She remarked. "_Headwind "Route Forbidden to Man" !_"

* * *

"I don't think so!" Youmu scoffed, readying a Spell Card. "This time, you deal with _my_ assault!"

"…Hmph." Nue slowly lowered her hand. "Alright. Ought to be entertaining, if nothing else."

"_Soul Sign "Ghostly Wheel of Pain"!_" Youmu's ghost half glowed with a hazy green outline, but nothing else of note happened. The girl readied her sword, glowing with confidence. "Now, let's see how you handle this!"

_**Swoosh-swoosh-!**_

Nue yawned, raising her trident and darting to the side, allowing the crescent danmaku to bypass her.

"Is that all-"

_**SWISH-SWISH-SWISHSWISHSWISHSWISHSWISH!**_

Nue was cut off when an identical barrage of danmaku to Youmu's shot from the ghost half, nailing her with every single one and engulfing her in a series of white explosions.

"Yes." Youmu replied to the unfinished question. "As a matter of fact, it is."

Nue emerged from the blast, looking…worse for wear, for lack of a better phrase. The edged of her dress were chopped up from the crescents, and her skin was covered in dust from the explosions, marring her otherwise fairly light skin.

Nue glared at Youmu, eyes half-lidded in extreme unamusement. She slowly dragged her hands down her face, removing the dirt for the most part.

"…Yeah. That…that just happened." Nue growled. "You know what?"

"What?" Youmu asked.

"Piss off, you flat gardener." Nue snapped, raising her arm to the sky. "_Unidentified "Purple Mirror" !_"

Nue's face curled into a devious grin…before her expression became distorted. It was as if she was being split in the middle without losing any of her features, rather similar to the process of mitosis that a cell goes through in a certain respect. But again, this world is still mostly locked in the 1800s, so nobody would ever make that comparison.

Back to _relevant_ news, one nue had now become two. The only defining feature from the real Nue was that the fake was comprised of shades of violet. Both Nues' eyes locked onto Youmu, who was now heavily wishing that she had saved the SpellCard she'd just used for…well, now.

"Dance, little girl." The youkai and copy spoke in unison.

_**FWWWSHIIIIIING!**_

"…Well, now." Yuyuko frowned. "This might be a problem."

The problem in mention being that their copied opponent was now effectively going balls-to-wall; both Nues had their backs arched and, from their bodies, two spiraling cyclones of white danmaku globes that effectively filled the visible area had engulfed the poor Youmu, who was doing her best not to be hit by so much as one. Because if even one hit…hoo boy, she was in it for the _long haul._

"Gyaaaaaaaah~!" And when Youmu is overwhelmed, she does not handle the pressure well. "Yuyuko-sama, help meeeeee!"

Yuyuko pondered this as Youmu ran in circles on the ground, her lightning-quick speed being all she could utilize to avoid being caught in the exploding globes that were hailing down on her. Yuyuko opened her moth as if to speak…

"Ah?" Youmu's expression lit up. She was saved!

"…I'm hungry. Youmu, hurry up so we can eat something~!" Yuyuko whined.

…Or not.

"Y-You didn't want this one?" Youmu demanded, dumbstruck as she sidestepped another globe.

"I thought I did. …But now I want meat buns instead." Yuyuko shrugged. "Come on~, get your priorities in check, serve your princess already!"

"W-What!" Youmu shrieked, arms flailing. "B-But I'm under attack! How can I-"

Youmu stopped. The globes were no longer falling on her.

"Damn ghost. Now _I'm_ hungry." Nue spoke above, holding her middle with a dejected sigh. "I wonder who they put on kitchen duty back at the temple tonight…"

"If we came in separately, do you think we'd get twice as much?" Her clone asked, eyes suddenly sparkling. "We wouldn't need to eat for days, and that'd be _especially_ helpful since Nazrin's cooking tomorrow!"

It then dawned on both Nues that there was something they should be doing. However, too little, too late.

"_Sword Skill "Flashing Cherry Blossoms" !_"

As if frozen in time, neither the youkai nor her copy even twitched. A series of white slashes appeared on each of their bodies. Youmu, on the other side of them, slowly sheathed her katana. When the sword and holster clicked shut…

_**SHEEEEEEEEEM!**_

The "cuts" made exploded into cherry blossoms, leaving both Nues howling in pain.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" The real one, squinting heavily, turned her head towards her clone. "I-I-It's t-t-too m-m-much! Regroup, regroup!"

The clone was more than happy to comply, disassembling herself into a black fog that flew back into her mistress' body, and away from the intense pain that she had just been in. Nue hunched over, clutching her chest with one eye shut.

"Damn you…" She growled, specifically at Yuyuko. "First with "Heian Dark Clouds", now with "Purple Mirror"; you just _love _playing the puppet master from the sidelines, don't you?"

"Hmph. How rude. My name isn't _even_ Margatroid." Yuyuko huffed, pouting.

_**SMACK!**_

Meanwhile, Youmu facepalmed.

"And it's not my fault you're relying on Spell Cards using cheap tricks. First an illusion, now a clone-both with obvious weaknesses to anyone familiar with magic." Yuyuko smiled behind her fan. "Oh-ho-ho-ho… Tell me, dear. Can't you put out _any_ raw power?"

All was quiet.

"Eh-heh-heh-heh…" Nue chuckled darkly. "Raw power you say? Okay. You'll get it…but you and you alone."

"Beg pardon?" Yuyuko frowned.

"That was three. Your gardener has used all her allotted Spell Cards, she's out of the game." Nue explained, pointing her trident at Youmu for emphasis. "Now, Queenie, it's just you and me. No more sitting back and watching, no more waiting for your servant to handle it."

"I see…" Yuyuko nodded, brow furrowed. "Those last two were deliberately easy. To get to me, that's what you wanted?"

"Raw power, was it?" Nue repeated, her eyes boring directly into Yuyuko's. "Well, who am I to deny such a humble request?"

Yuyuko looked over to Youmu, who had a typical anime-esque face of depression. Meaning she was hunched over on her hands and knees, her eyes completely shaded out of vision, with a small rain cloud hanging over her head from…well, _somewhere. _Who knows how anime physics work?

"Youmu." Yuyuko began firmly, taking her fan from her face, "come now, don't look so miserable. Get up."

"Y-Yuyuko-sama?" Youmu asked hesitantly, looking over her shoulder.

"I suppose it wouldn't be much fun for me if you took care of everything, would it?" The ghost princess then addressed Nue. "One Spell Card. I believe that is all I will need~!"

Nue snorted, preparing to bring out a Spell Card she had not yet tested anywhere. A little risky, yes, but if it was power the Princess of the Netherworld was looking for…

"Suit yourself." Nue scoffed. "_Unknown "Youkai Orb of Unknown Mechanics!_"

The air behind Nue sprouted a single large globe bullet. Then two. Then four, then sixteen, then thirty-two, then _sixty-four._

"You wanted power?" Nue asked. "These are homing. How's that suit you?"

The storm of bullets raced past, Nue, coming down to consume the unmoving Yuyuko.

"Yuyuko-sama," Youmu gasped, not expecting her mistress to just float there, "get out of the way!"

From within the cloud of globes, there came a haughty chuckle.

"_Deadly Butterfly "Everlasting Nap in Dreamland" ! _"

From the center, a tornado of butterflies began expanding. They grew numerous and their flight pattern wide, expanding further and further…

"What in the world?" Nue demanded, trying to back away. "No, no, no…!"

"Yuyuko-sama, please stop!" Youmu yelped, ducking and covering her head. "You're going to get me, too! Please, hold on!"

Yuyuko's laugh echoed throughout the entire area, now completely filled with shining, deadly butterflies.

* * *

…

…What the…?

Ugh. My head… What the hell happened last night? Did Suika trick me into chugging from her gourd, or-

Wait, what am I saying? I'm…investigating an incident with Utsuho! I have been for a while! How could I have forgotten that? I mean, jeez, what _happened_ to me?

-!

"_Um! Um! Rikako-san!" Utsuho calls, waving frantically. "Please put that away now, please?"_

"_What? Now?" Rika frowns, looking between us and her creation. "But this would be the _perfect _time for a test run!"_

"_It's _hurting_ him!" Utsuho shouts angrily, her focus on keeping me up. "Please, we can look at it later, just put it away!"_

Oh, right. That "ATEN" thing… It was being pumped by solar panels on the roof, and the excess energy…kinda sent me over the edge. Not to mention those headaches came back… Honestly, what is the deal with those? They pop up, I get angry, and then it makes fighting easier, but it's like it's not me doing it…

_**Bzzt…bzzt…**_

And on another note, where is everybody? Why's the lab so dark? And where'd the ATEN go to? …Not that I'm in much of a hurry to see that thing again, of course. But seriously, it's really freaking dark in here. Maybe my buster can…

-!

What the _hell_, man! My buster! My claymore! Where are they? Did I drop them when I was knocked out? Oh man, I need to find that sword or Yukari's gonna kill me! And that gun…_he_ gave it to me, I can't just lose the thing! And…and… Why am I feeling stronger all of a sudden?

_**WHIRRRRRR…**_

Wait. There's no light coming in, and I can't feel those solar panels. So why am I building up energy now?

_**Flash!**_

Oh, that's right! My Flandre-scar lights up! How could I have forgotten the coolest thing about it? Well, a handy flashlight is a handy flashlight. Let's have ourselves a look-see… There they are! Propped up against the wall! See, Ryan? You were freaking out like a pansy for nothing!

…Ugh. I don't know why, but all of a sudden talking to myself like this feels…well, weird. I mean, I did it before I came to Gensokyo, but since I got here, I haven't noticed it that much. Maybe it's because for the first time in a long time, I'm by myself?

_**Grooaann…**_

Sounds like some creaking metal. Did something break in here? Well, I'll get to that shortly. First things first, get my weapons back where they belong! Sorry, Slicey, but Shooty has top priority!

_**Click!**_

There we are! And now that I've got the sword, let's have a look around! I'll just turn around and see what that groaning was…

I slowly turn, the lamplight of the scar in my chest creating a helpful beam to see what's in the lab. When I look to the source of the groaning, my light falls on a positively gigantic something under a brown tarp. Jeez, that thing is practically as big as the lab is tall! And this is one huge underground room, mind you.

…

I feel some kind of strange energy coming from its direction. It's not solar or fire or magic, but…at the same time, it feels like it could be any one of those, too. It makes no sense, I know, but…

…

Well, Rika and Nitori aren't around. Maybe I'll just take a quick peek? Alrighty, then! I'll just lift up this tarp here!

_**Flap!**_

And see what's-

"_GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!_" And _that_ was me screaming.

With that taken care of,_ WHAT THE HELL IS THIS THING? _There's a freaking monster unconscious in the lab! Get away, get away, get away…!

_**Tunk!**_

… "Tunk?" That's not a sound flesh and blood makes… Is this…this _thing_ mechanical? …Whoo, that's a relief. I mean, with the size of this bugger and all, I thought I was in trouble. Pretty lifelike, though! I mean, with these tentacles hanging off the sides, and that eye just looks so real!

But that just raises the question: why would Nitori, an apparent pacifist, ever want something like this to be-

_**BOOOOOOOOM!**_

WOAH! When suddenly, explosion!

…Oh, crap! That's why I was building up energy, it was _nuclear emissions! _There's a fight going on outside; Utsuho's in trouble! Gotta go help her… I can't find the lift in here, so I guess I'll just have to make an exit! Go-go gadget buster!

_**Whirrrrr…**_

Right! Just give me a few seconds to get out there…

Huh. You know, looking back at this monster thing, I wonder if there's more of them? I mean, that there _is_ a Greek numeric symbol on it's body, right? …Or Roman. I was never good at differentiating that kind of thing. Regardless, there could have been others before it, if that's the case.

B-But that's unimportant. Wait for me, Okuu, Ryan's on his way!

_**BER-KOOOOW!**_

…Do I have a _Spell Card _active right now?

* * *

"Common!" Utsuho called over the raging winds. "Are you ready over there?"

"Locked n' loaded, boss-gal!" The clone grinned. "Let's make it hot!"

"You're wasting your time, guys!" Aya laughed. "Sooner or later, something's gonna hit you!"

The current leader of Solar Team and her clone subordinate swooped in and out of flying debris from the village, swept up by the powerful headwinds. Okuu twisted around a renegade chunk of housing, complete with window, while CS raised his claymore and cleaved through a slab of stone that had come from the riverbed, still letting off streams of water. Utsuho, wings wide to steady herself in the strong breeze, took aim at Aya with her control rod.

"Now! Go!" The raven shouted, firing off two fiery globe bullets at Aya.

"Gh-!" The tengu tisked, waving her maple fan once more and dragging up a chunk of loose eath from below to counter the bullets. The only problem with this particular Spell Card was that, in order to keep it going, she had to remain where she was. They were going by the typical "three-card" rule, so she couldn't afford to waste this one as simply as that. "Get outta here!"

The earth and rock collided with the first globe, spiraling around it until it imploded from existence. Now all she had to deal with was the second one _splitting in half?_

"Huh?" Was all Aya could muster as, from the parting globe, CS charged forth with buster at the ready while sheathing his claymore. Grunting in irritation, she swept her fan at him to clear the oncoming threat. But before he could be blown away, CS shielded his upper body with his forearms and kicked her arm with his left leg, stopping the breeze effectively. When Aya was momentarily knocked back, he planted his feet on her shoulders and pointed downwards. At her _face. _"Oh, of all the- Get _off_ of me, you stupid copy!"

CS just chuckled.

"Like, smile for the birdy, babe."

_**BERKOOOOW!**_

"_Ayayayaya…!_" Aya shrieked, the blue globe blasting her out of the sky and sending her in for a nose dive towards the ground. Luckily for her and unluckily for our heroes, Aya didn't get as good as she was from being taken out by a hit like that. Breaking from the fall and the streak of smoke about her accompanying it, she curved back upwards _just_ before hitting the ground, and met the eyes of Solar Team once more. "Ah…hah…heh-heh. So…what you guys lack in speed you make up for in output, huh? Should've figured…"

"I have the power of the sun god Yatagarasu!" Utsuho boasted, planting her hands on her hips and glaring at Aya. "I could burn this whole place if I wanted to. …But I don't. And I don't want to burn you, either. So please, just give up and come with us before we have to really hurt you!"

"Still going on about that, huh?" Aya laughed, shaking her head in pity. "Look, I told you guys once. I'm doing this because I feel like it, because I want to do it." She groaned a little, stretching her arms and cracking her back with a yawn. "I appreciate the concern. Really, thanks. But I'm not losing to you two, and I'm not going anywhere with you, either. So forget it."

Ustuho looked towards CS for some kind of answer. Something was wrong with this girl. Ustuho couldn't put her finger on what, but the way she was acting didn't seem natural for the way she was talking. However, to her dismay, CS was doing the exact same thing. He was already waiting for her order, helpless as to decide where to go from there.

"Unyuu…" The raven sighed, scratching at her forehead. Maybe she should just try to stall until Ryan got back…

"_Wow, Utsuho! You did great!" Ryan laughed, throwing up his arms in amazement. "You beat Aya all by yourself! I never would have done so well on my own!"_

"_R-Really?" Okuu gasped, cupping her hands to her mouth. "Y-You really think so?"_

"_I know so." The human smiled, giving her a thumbs up. "Tell you what: you're in charge until this incident is solved! And when we're done, I'll buy a big bowl of rice and beef, and we can share it back at Satori's place!"_

"_Ah~!" Utsuho cried, jumping for joy. "Thank you soooo much! I won't let you down, Ryan, I promise!"_

"_Ah, c'mere, you!" Ryan laughed, draping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her in for a hug. "You're the best partner a guy could ask for!"_

"Kyaaaaaah~," Okuu held her hands to her cheeks, blushing like there was no tomorrow while turned away from the others. "I _am_ the best…!"

"…Uh." CS blinked. He looked over to Aya. "Like, is this normal for youkai, or…?"

"H-Hey, don't lump me in with _that_." Aya stammered, pointing at Utsuho. "You'd never catch me fantasizing on the job."

"Okay!" Ustuho yelled, slapping Third Leg into her empty palm. "If you won't give up, you leave me no choice! In the name of the sun, I will punish you!"

_**SMACK!**_

CS facepalmed _especially_ hard with the knowledge that Okuu couldn't have even known what she had just referenced.

"Finally! Let's put and end to this!" Aya beamed, readying her fan. Her body shone with a misty blue aura, and a gust of wind began to encircle her. "_Gust "Sarutahiko's Guidance" !_"

_**WOOSH!**_

…And she was…gone?

"…Unyuu?" Utsuho scratched her head in confusion. "Did she run away?"

CS frowned. No, something here was wrong. What she had said before, about being the fastest in Gensokyo-

And then he understood.

"Okuu!" He shouted, bee lining for her. "Like, get down! You gotta totally shield yourself!"

"Uh?" Okuu sounded headtilting. She didn't see any reason to…

_**FWASH!**_

"_Gyaaaah!_" Ustuho cawed, Aya slamming into her stomach in a tack and carrying her into the air.

"_UTSUHO!_" CS panicked below.

_**SMACK-SMACK-SMACK-SMACKSMACKSMACKSMACKSMACK…**_

Aya began bull rushing the Hell Raven at all sides, from all angles. Utsuho's body bent and twisted form the sheer force of the blow with every individual hit, causing the girl to cry out in pain each time.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! What's wrong, Hell Raven?" Aya taunted, her voice ringing heavily in Utsuho's ears. "I thought you were gonna beat me? I thought you were gonna punish me?"

"OW-OW-OW! I…am…!" Okuu replied defiantly, still taking hit after hit.

"As if! You pack a lotta power, but that's as far as it goes!" Aya went on, now aiming her attacks mostly at Utsuho's middle. "Face facts, girl: you should've waited for the real Ryan to show up instead up playing captain to a knock-off! At least he's got the brainpower to maybe out-strategize me!"

_**CLAMP!**_

"-…Ah?" Aya said weakly. Her head had been caught in Utsuho's one, free hand. With just that, Aya's speedy assault had been brought to a halt. The Hell Raven was now towering over the tengu stuck in a flying position, her eyes glowing a fiery orange. "That's a…new one."

"You want to know why Ryan isn't here, with me?" Utsuho asked, her grip on Aya's cranium tightening. "Because he got hurt. Twice. Just today, too."

"Ah-ha…okay, I get it, it's a sore spot." Aya laughed nervously, pushing against Utsuho's arm. "Joke's over, let me go. …Seriously, let go. Spell Card's over."

"And he wouldn't have even gotten hurt if we hadn't come here. Looking for _you_." Utsuho continued, practically spitting the word "you."

At this, Aya's eyes showed a hint of fear. Her concern wasn't with Ryan worrying about her, but how in the world they could have known where to go to intercept her mission.

"What? How'd you know I was-" Aya stopped. Her face slowly contorting into rage. "Oh, _Chino_, that _rat_-"

"And here we are, because he was worried about you, and you're making fun of us!" Ustuho exclaimed, waving her control rod for emphasis. "You jerk! Who do you think you are, anyway?"

"I'm ex-honest reporter Aya Shameimaru?" Aya offered weakly.

"No. You're a bad guy." Ustuho huffed. "And you're gonna get what a bad guy deserves."

Aya's eyes went wide as the top of Third Leg opened up, a white light aiming straight at her chest. She opened her mouth to speak in protest, but Utsuho spoke first.

"_Explosion Sign "Giga Flare" !_"

_**THOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**_

A white laser filled the skies above Kappa River.

_**KREEEEEEEEEESH!**_

_**-End Music-**_

Aya went limp in Utsuho's grip, groaning weakly and occasionally twitching. Utsuho sighed, raising the tengu and hoisting her over her shoulder. She had done it, and she had done it without CS or Ryan. A small smile creeped onto her face from her sense of self-accomplishment. Aya had been a lot smarter than her, true, but…she had underestimated Utsuho's ridiculously high level of power. And in Gensokyo, that's the one thing you want to never do with anyone…especially the Hell Raven, Utsuho Reiuji.

"Oi, Okuu!"

Utsuho turned around, and looked below. There was CS, standing on a rooftop, waving to her. …But that was odd. When did he get Ryan's coat?

_Ah! _Utsuho thought, expression lighting up. _Unless that's…!_

"Hey, did you have a tussle without me?" Ryan asked sarcastically, smiling with genuine happiness despite his tone. "Come down here immediately, young lady, you got some explaining to do!"

"Coming!" She giggled, securing Aya over her shoulder and taking off for the ground. The smile on her partner's face just motivated her to get down there sooner.

* * *

"Agh…"

"One Spell Card." Yuyuko smiled whimsically, her previous terror-inducing demeanor now vanished. "As I said."

"Hah…hah…" Youmu panted heavily, sweating a bit. "Yuyuko-sama, you almost killed me…"

"Oh, don't be silly." Yuyuko huffed, pouting. "It was a Spell Card battle. You can't die, no matter how much I may try to kill you."

With these failing words of encouragement, Youmu collapsed on the ground.

"…Monster…" Came from the prone form of Nue on the ground.

"Oh?" Yuyuko smiled, hovering over Nue. "Did you say something? Should I eat you, after all?"

"A complete…monster…" Nue wheezed, attempting to lift her upper body. "I've seen bad stuff, villainous youkai, rampaging abominations, but you…you are, without a doubt…the most evil…the most evil _thing_ I've ever encountered… No one may be safe so long as you exist."

"Evil, you say? Well, that's a subjective concept." Yuyuko sniffed uncaringly. "And what do you intend to do about it, then?"

Nue sat up…

…and bowed before Yuyuko, laughing in utter happiness.

"You are a _god!_"Nue bellowed, bowing repeatedly while tears of joy stung the corners of her tightly-shut eyes. "A _god_, I say! _Teach me_, diabolical one!"

Youmu looked on, mouth agape as Yuyuko hid her giggling behind her hand. They were mad. Both of them, completely and utterly deranged.

"I think I may have time to spare lessons for a young one who knows who her superior is~!" Yuyuko smiled, poking Nue's nose playfully. "But first, we do have business to attend to~!"

"But of course!" Nue shot up, grabbing a hold of her trident. "I am at your command, your highness! Follow me!"

Youmu picked herself up and trudged along behind the two, holding her face in her hands. She needed a vacation, a _long_ one.

* * *

"I'm sorry, Ryan." Utsuho said meekly, twisting her foot in the ground. "I really wanted to show you that I could handle it myself… You know everything that happened while you were out?"

"Yeah." I nod, holding up "Mirrored Catastrophe." "When I dismissed CS and he merged with me again, I learned everything he had seen and heard as if I had been there myself!"

Me and Okuu stand outside of Nitori and Rika's garage, waiting for either of them to get back. Aya, dazed and not fully conscious, is tied up over in a corner of the garage itself. Utsuho got the rope for it.

And again, even she doesn't know where she got the rope from.

Still, I can't believe this. I mean, I thought CS was just a joke, something I made up to help me cope with the fact that I thought it amusing to act as if my voice of reason was a separate being from myself. Now…well, now he _is_. And there's no doubt in my mind he's tied to these strange headaches. On top of all that, he's smart.

No, I mean he is _independently _smart. Clone Spell Cards shouldn't _do_ that, "Four of a Kind" made Flan a borderline moron in four parts. I wasn't any less intelligent during our time split apart, and neither was he…

Ah! Speaking of what he learned for me…

"Hey, Utsuho?" I ask. She turns towards me. "I couldn't help but noticed that my clone witnessed you delving into some little fantasies during the fight with Aya? He overheard you saying something about being the best?"

Utsuho gasps, and her face goes red. She immediately looks away from me, playing with a lock of her hair and humming nervously. Heh-heh, serves you right for messing with me earlier!

"Still, I think that wasn't too far off." I say, stepping towards Okuu, who still won't look me in the eye. "Handling a strong tengu like that, all by yourself? You _are_ the best."

Okuu's body goes completely stiff, her eyes wide and her arms at her side. Woah, what was she daydreaming about to get _this_ reaction?

"R…Really?" She asks, slowly facing me. "Do you mean that, Ryan?"

If memory serves from our brief encounter, Aya's a lot stronger and faster than I am. I mean, a lot. And judging from her attack on Okuu that I just managed to catch the end of, she uses it pretty well in battle. If it had been me instead of Utsuho, I would've lost it for us.

"…Course I do." I respond with a soft smile, putting a hand on her shoulder. "You're the best partner a guy could ask for!"

"Um…that's…I…" Utsuho continues to play with her hair. She glances at me repeatedly, and leans her shoulder a bit into my own. Finally, she forms an actual sentence. "Th-Thank you, Ryan. That really means a lot to me."

…Aw, don't give me that face. You're gonna make _me_ turn red in a second, here. Y'know what? Forget what Satori may say to me for this. Either way, this Okuu needs to be hugged.

"Ah, c'mere, you." I grin, putting an arm around both her shoulders and tugging her closer. Utsuho doesn't resist in any way, but smiles widely. The two of us stand there quietly, staring off into the distance at nothing specific. The sun high in the sky makes the atmosphere even better.

This moment, right now? This is absolutely great.

"RYAN! UTSUHO!"

…Damn jinx. I knew it couldn't last forever.

Rikako comes sprinting towards us, panting heavily. Utsuho turns her face towards mine, looking a bit sad. I'll guess she knows that something's wrong, too. And that means this little hugging session is going to stop. I give one slight squeeze, as if in apology, before taking my arm off her and addressing Rika.

"Jeez, Rika, what's up with you?" I ask, hands planted on my hips. "We beat Aya, tagged and bagged her. Right over there. What's the problem?"

"You don't understand." Rika says darkly, her eyes shaded behind her glasses. "That's not the end of it!"

"What do you mean?" Utsuho frowned, fists clenched. "We just beat the bad guy, and we're trying to enjoy ourselves! Please, just say it!"

"_Shameimaru wasn't alone!_" Rika finally shouts.

An ear-splitting scream fills the air.

We all go quiet.

"Ni…Nitori-chan?" Utsuho asks. That was her screaming all right.

"Rika…talk to me." I say slowly. "What the heck is going on?"

"This whole thing was a setup." Rika explains, readjusting her glasses. "A trap. For you two. There's a group on the village outskirts right now. They're with the terrorists, they know you're here."

"…W-Well, we're still looking pretty good!" Utsuho smiles a bit, pumping a fist up. "So come on, let's go get whoever's here and help Nitori-chan!"

"You don't understand!" Rika hisses, tugging at her hair. "You nitwits, there won't be any Spell Card battle!"

"What?" Ustuho asks, now visibly frustrated. "But why?"

"They have a hostage!" Rika snaps.

…

My blood runs cold. A hostage. And Nitori just screamed.

"Rika…" I begin, "is Nitori the hostage?"

Rika bites her lip, looking off into the direction that she had just came from.

"…No."

"**Utsuho Reiuji and Ryan Randa!**"

We all fall quiet again when a new voice, one cold and commanding, booms out over the village.

* * *

Nitori looks on with wide eyes, shivering at the sight before her.

"We are well aware of your presence within this settlement, and we have been informed that you seek to hinder our mission! Your current crimes against us are two charges of assault on an agent and one charge of continued meddling! This _will not go unpunished_."

A group of birdlike youkai, each about as tall as a fairy, stand in a row with spears at the ready, listening with rapt attention at the continued speech of their superior, a much taller female of their same kind. Her onyx tail feathers and black hair shone in the high sun, complementing her silver chest armor, shoulder guards, gauntlets, and visor at rest atop her head. Her dark green eyes shine with malicious intent, not even twitching away from the village, awaiting her quarry's entrance.

"And don't think for a moment that you can go playing the heroes here. Do not think you are even entitled to a fight. You have no rights or freedom from this moment onwards."

She tugged at a short figure hunched at her side, in a command for it to stand up.

"Of course, you may feel free to _attempt_ to resist. That within itself is entirely your decision. _However!_"

Nitori shook her head, extending her hands in a pleading motion. She was not heeded in the slightest.

"If you attempt to engage us in battle, then the Kappa Elder Oro will die for your incompetence!"

Elder Oro, wrists and ankles bound, looked up towards Nitori with all the apology is old eyes could convey.

"You have ten minutes to show yourselves, and not a second more!" The youkai snapped, this particular part seeming to be important to her. She stood more highly, the sunlight dancing on her armor. "Know this and know this well, interlopers: should you try to flee, it will do you no favor. We _will_ find you. _And I, Commander Iza, will not stop until you have been apprehended in the name if the Sasa Sanctuary's War Sanction!_"

Iza fell quiet, gritting her teeth.

"Come on, then, you raven bitch." She growled under her breath. She raised her arm…

_**SHVING!**_

And a row of razor-sharp black feather popped out along the side.

"Let me show you what happens when you touch what is _mine_."

* * *

**The name of the enemy force, and their commander has been made known.**

**Next time, the mid-arc battle: "She of the Black Feathers - Solar Team vs. Commander Iza."**

**Godspeed, readers…**

**…**

**(…Wait. So then was it **_**Iza**_** last chapter who…?)**


	26. Chapter 26

**The Commander has been giving orders from the sidelines so far, watching as things have unfolded, her level of command second to only their leader who is simply known so far as "The Master." The only time Iza has ever been shown outside of their base of operations was for a brief instant so that she could memorize Utsuho's face. Just as Utsuho has been shown being dangerously overprotective of Satori and Ryan, so is Iza to Chino. Why is this, we do not yet know. What we do know is that, while Utsuho will settle for punishing the offender, Iza is **_**nowhere**_** near as forgiving. She will not stop until the object of her aggression has been systematically destroyed on every conceivable level.**

**The only one who has seen fit to brutalize Chino twice, Iza now is infuriated at Okuu with all of her being, despite the two having never met in person until now. She will gladly use everything and anything at her disposal, honorable or dastardly, to get at her apparent "nemesis." Ryan himself is but one of several obstacles in Iza's desire for payback in her eyes. Little does she know that Utsuho's human, as she sees him, is **_**not **_**about to let her hurt his partner - not without a fight. And the Hell Raven herself is bound and determined to keep Nitori and her home safe.**

**A warning, readers. Until this battle comes to a close, the laughter and merriment have come to a halt. Things are about to get a touch more serious around here.**

**The mid-arc battle begins, readers! And our heroes, the aptly-named Solar Team, will have to give it all they've got to protect Kappa Village from the remorseless Commander Iza!**

**(Battle music, for your convenience, is: Castlevania Judgement - "Evil's Symphonic Poem" and Touhou Hisoutensoku - "Did You See That Shadow?"!)**

* * *

Chapter 26: She of the Black Feathers - Solar Team vs. Commander Iza

On the outskirts of the Kappa Village, the woman with hair over one emerald eye waited eagerly for the arrival of her enemy. The one who had so horridly beat Chino when he extended to her an offer of partnership, the one who beat and battered him a second time in the Scarlet Devil Mansion. And now, whatever she had done, Chino hadn't come back after escaping. He wouldn't respond when they contacted his communication gem, they couldn't locate him because he had discarded his tracking pin… Either the horrible raven had frightened him into abandoning his duty, or…

Iza clenched a tight fist.

…or _that _happened. And if he had been hit in the head hard enough for _that _to happen, she knew she may never see him again, at least of his own accord. And if he was attempting to brave Gensokyo's wilds on his own, he could be injured, or…or even…

_No. _Iza shook her head slightly, gritting her teeth. _He's alive. He's alive, he's alive, he's alive. Because if something happened, we would know. The Master said so. We would KNOW. We haven't heard anything. It doesn't matter if we can't contact him. Wherever he is, he is alive._

She looked to her side, where Oro was hunched over weakly…

And with a sharp jerk, kicked him in the ribs. Hard.

"Urgh-!" The elderly Kappa's head shock up in a look of shock, his hair standing on end so much that even his beard was frazzled, before falling over on his side and clutching the wounded area.

"_Aaaaaaaaaah!_" The kappa girl, who they had identified at Nitori screamed. "You-You horrible, wicked person! Leave him alone!"

_Ah…there we go. There's nothing like a bit of much-needed stress relief! _Iza smiled to herself. She then noticed Nitori going into hysterics a little ways away. Iza groaned, rolling her eyes. _These things make the most irritating screeches, I swear. So grating on the ears… If I wasn't trying to keep up a good impression for the soldiers, I would have split her belly three minutes ago…speaking of which, only seven more to go!_

"You will be silent! You're annoying the Commander!" A soldier barked at Nitori, jumping forward and pointing his spear at her threateningly. "We may need the elder for the exchange, but we have no use for you! So if you value your continued…"

"Ahem." Iza cleared her throat. In a second, the soldier had returned to his post, beginning to sweat a little with his spear at his side. "I believe you are to wait until further orders? Or was all your training for nothing?"

She raised her arm, still with razor feather extended, slightly in his direction.

"Y-Yes ma'am!" The soldier squeaked. "Sorry ma'am! I-It won't happen again!"

"…See to it that it won't." Iza smirked, lowering her arm. Ah, her troops tried so hard, but they just couldn't stay in line sometimes…

_Truth be told, we have no use for the elder, either. _Iza thought to herself with a shrug. It was true, Oro had no practical use whatsoever to them, aside from being a bargaining chip. _All __**I'm**__ here for is __**the bitch. **__Maybe I'll just dispose of the two kappa once she's in custody so that whatever's left of her after I'm done will be crushed beyond repair, a bit of salve in the wounds. …Speaking of…_

She frowned, tapping her foot a bit, continuing to look out on the village with unblinking eyes.

_Her human…that day in the reactor, when she mentioned him to Chino…_

A smile began to curl up on her lips.

_Come to me, the both of you. I promise this to be the longest evening of your lives._

She stood higher with confidence, all eleven of her soldiers awaiting further orders.

* * *

Oh, good lord. Why can't we ever have it easy? Why us, anyway, why not _anyone_ else?

"N-Nitori-chan screamed again!" Utsuho panicked, wringing her hands together. "B-B-But they weren't supposed to hurt him yet!"

"They weren't supposed to _kill_ him yet." Rika sighed, shaking her head. "By those terms, they could beat him as badly as they pleased, just so long as he doesn't _die_."

"Guys, we're just dancing around the issue." I say sternly, glancing over my shoulder. "We need a plan. Now."

We can't just surrender to this…"Iza" person. She's threatening to kill the elder if we don't turn ourselves in, there's no telling what she would do to us when we did! But we can't go in guns blazing, either…we aren't in a Spell Card battle at the moment, and even if we were, if Oro doesn't have any Spell Cards then any one of us could seriously injure him in the crossfire of an attempted attack.

I was right about Nitori, it seems. Oro is important to her in that way. She's terrified she's going to lose him… I've…been there before. I can recognize from myself that we can't exactly go up to her and ask her to help us, she'll be too panicky, too terrified. And the moment one of us shows, I doubt they're going to allow us to leave.

Four minutes have passed. Six remain.

"Ryan, I'm not having fun anymore…" Utsuho whined, tugging at a lock of her hair. "This is really bad, but…we can't just leave, can we?"

There's a bit of hope in her voice. A shame.

"Rika, could you give us a moment, please?" I ask my fellow human. She hesitates a bit, then nods.

"Alright. Take your time." She goes into the garage, giving us some space. I step in front of Utsuho, and she looks me in the eye.

"Okuu…I know you want to go back home. But right now, we can't. Someone's in danger, and as incident resolutionists, it's our duty to save them. …Well, _my_ duty, anyway." I say, my hands in my pockets. That's right, she could still… "Do you remember why Satori sent you with me?"

"Um…" She sniffled. "Yukari wanted us to solve this together?"

"That was only part of it." I say, putting both my hands on her shoulders, now. "Think back, _please._"

Utsuho closed her eyes in thought. Then her eyes shot open with a look of realization. But, unlike when she normally remembers something, she looked more or less crestfallen.

"That's right. They didn't want them going after you. Now that you've injured one of their agents twice, really doubt they're going to leave you alone. Yukari sent you with me because she's watching us from time to time, so that they can ensure these guys don't get you." I walk away from her a bit, looking towards the sky. "…Yukari."

"Huh?" Utsuho asks.

"One word. I just need to yell that one word, that one name, Okuu." I explain, shrugging. "If Yukari's watching us right now, I can at least get _you_ out of here. They're not at the underground, so if you went back there right now…"

"Wh-What?" She reels back in shock, shaking her head. "B-But I can't do that! Then you would be stuck with them all alone!"

"I'm not alone, I still have Rika here." I explain with a weak smile. "We could bust out one of those tanks, drive them back. Yukari won't let me die, and I won't let Oro get killed, so you don't have to worry."

If I was as confident as I'm acting, maybe I would be able to convince at least her if not myself. But neither of us really care about my votes of confidence, it seems.

"No, I'm not leaving!" Utsuho steps towards me angrily, stomping her foot. "So what if Yukari won't let you die? She didn't do a thing when you got hurt, did she?"

"Um…" I take a step back from her aggressive approach. I'll admit, that's a good point… "But that's still-"

"She didn't do a thing," Utsuho continued, coming at me again, "when Cirno was about to stab you, or when that turret thingie hit you in the back! Did she?"

"Come on, Ustuho," I murmur weakly, scratching the side of my head. "I mean, one of those was a Spell Card battle!"

"What about Flandre?"

Silence. The last time I genuinely believed my life to be in jeopardy. When I was gone for a week, from all of Gensokyo, really. When Yukari sent word to the underground and Utsuho had no way of knowing how soon I'd recover. Now I see where she's going with this.

"There's no guarantee that would happen again." I state firmly. I can't show any weakness right now. I step forward. "I'm better at fighting now than I was then, Okuu, I can handle it."

"It was only a little over a week ago!" She snaps back, not backing down. "She only stepped in after you did everything else, right?"

Ustuho, honestly, are we really about to argue this? Iza's the one I ought to be fighting with right now, not you! You shouldn't even be here still, I should be calling for Yukari or Ran, already! Why am _I_ still debating it myself?

"I couldn't call her at the time!" I retort. "I'm sure if I had the time, she would have-"

"But she didn't! And in the end, she knew about it all along!" Utsuho shouts. She steps forward again, close enough to jab a finger at my chest. Right into my scar.

"…" My mind goes blank as I look from her finger's position back to her. "How in the world did you…"

"U-Unyuu! Don't think I didn't see that! Yatagarasu can see heat where it's strongest, and right there in your chest it's weaker than it is anywhere else on you!" She explained lowering her finger. "The last time you were counting on Yukari, you got a mark on you that will never go away! Admit it!"

"Admit it", you say? What the HELL are you- This isn't a goddamned soap opera!

"I never denied it, damnit!" I growl, actually baring my teeth some. "I got that mark because I survived. It's thanks to me getting that mark that you and Flandre could become friends! _You're welcome_, by the way!"

…

Good lord, I am a childish idiot. I am _Cirno_, for Christ's sake. Freeze time, rewind.

"…Okay, sorry about that last one. Look, we have minutes left before I have to get over there, and we still have no plan." I say, extending my arms in a helpless gesture. "Utsuho, I promised Satori on my life that I'd bring you home safe. You know that, you were standing right next to me when I did."

"And I promised I'd stick by you! That I'd blast anyone who tried to hurt us!" She exclaims, still worked up, but now at a lesser degree. "I mean, look at how I beat Aya!"

"Yes, and look at how she beat _you_ about the face before that could happen! I saw what she was doing to you in that last attack!" I say. "Do you know how ashamed of myself I am that I got knocked out so easily and you had to burden that alone? It was my decision to come here, you shouldn't have had to deal with that! I already broke my promise to Satori once, don't you get it?"

Utsuho sighed and shook her head.

"I'm not going anywhere." She repeated, putting a hand on my arm. "Ryan, Yatagarasu heard what that note said, too. She's familiar with Yukari, and there's something about her note you should know. It's something I never told you, because I didn't want you to feel bad."

I raise an eyebrow. What is she…?

"Ryan. You're really strong and nice, but…you're still a human." She shook her head sadly. "Think about it. I was given the power of a god. I'm one of the strongest in Gensokyo. You just got here two weeks ago. Do you really think she expected you to protect me?"

What? Of course she-

…

…_NO._

"I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry." Utsuho said several times, her grip on my arm tightening. "I figured it out around the time we left Alice's house. I heard you guys, even though I didn't say so. I know you don't want to think being human makes you weak, but…"

No. No, no, no.

"Me being here, with you… This _is_ Yukari looking out for you." She finally admits, looking me square in the eye. "She told Satori-sama you'd be protecting me. But she sent _me_ so that _you_ would be safe."

…

"Ryan?" She asks, tugging on my arm. "Did you hear me?"

"…Goddamnit, Yukari." I finally sputter. "Goddamnit, goddamnit, goddamnit."

That's… That makes absolute sense. If Yukari was really worried about Okuu's safety, she would have sent her with Reimu, she would have put up a barrier, _something_. But instead, she sent her, a demigod raven, with me. To be _guarded by _a bumbling and inexperienced human?

No, to _guard_ a bumbling and inexperienced human.

And thanks to my ego high I've been on since I beat Flandre, I never once considered it. And she knew I would react that way.

Because she knew that, as I am, I could never handle this on my own.

For the fifth blasted time: Goddamnit, Yukari. I am going to yell at you _so_ hard the next time I see you.

"It's not because of her, though." Utsuho begins, guiding me back towards the garage wall and leaning against it with me. "Ever since we met, we've gotten along real well. Our powers are kind of the same, I can talk to you about anything, you're always putting me first-that's part of why we came to this village, remember, to adjust Third Leg?"

"Yeah." I sigh, shaking my head. "And that was such a good idea on my part, wasn't it?"

"Stop that right now. We wouldn't have found Aya-san if not for that." Utsuho reponds, frowning. "And you were really nice about that, even though I went to fight her and left you behind. …So I…I want you to be safe for _me_. Not for Yukari, not Satori-sama, not anyone else. I know I sound really selfish, but that's…that's just what I want."

…Pfft. Heh…heh-heh-heh…

"Ryan?" She pokes my cheek lightly. "What's…what's funny?"

"Ha… This. This whole thing." I respond helplessly. "We left the underground two days ago. Combining the time when we first met, that's a grand total of three days. In that time, it's like we've grown closer than what would be considered…well, healthy, or normal."

"Normal?" She parrots. "But…I have a god in my chest and your brain is split into two people. I thought we were pretty weird already?"

PFFFFFFFT~!

"_BAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!_" I finally let out, my guffawing sounding over the village. "Okay…okay. That was a good one. And I'll buy that you came up with it, this time. Even so, you know what I mean, right?"

"Well…yes and no, I…I really don't in a way. And I want to know, it feels like I should." Ustuho frowns, furrowing her brow. "But what I know for sure is that I want to stay out here with you. And I want to see us beat the bad guy and go back to Satori-sama and Yukari like heroes, together. It's really bad right now, I know but…I don't want to be anywhere else."

Yeah, I feel the same. And I don't quite get it either. Guess I'll chalk that up to what we have in common.

"I'm not going to use you as a crutch." I finally spit out. "Even though it looks like that's what Yukari was going for…I'm not going to use you as a shield, Okuu, no matter how much stronger than me you are."

"I know." She says, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye with a sniffle. "You wouldn't do that. You're nicer than that."

Or, to quote Tata, too gentleman for that. Although, to be fair, I haven't been following that creed very well recently…

"Hey!"

Rika's voice lets us know that she's done waiting for us. We turn around to see her strapping some kinds of devices to her wrist. A metal backpack-looking thing is strapped to her back. …Is that a _jetpack?_

"Whatever we're gonna do, I'm ready." She says with a nod. "I don't like this, but…I'm not letting that feathered floozy mess with Nitori, or my creations. We have two minutes left. So, if you two lovebirds are finished, what are we going to do?"

I pause some to consider this. It looks like we'll be playing it by ear. Maybe I'm over thinking this, though. If we could get Oro away from that Iza woman…

"Hey…"

Me and Rika both look towards Okuu, who has a small smile of childlike wonder on her face.

"That's it!" She beams. "I know how we can save that old man!"

* * *

Iza's gaze remains firm, her posture unchanged. She allows herself only a single blink maybe once every half of a minute, as if any more frequency would give her targets the brief opening they needed to slip away. Yes, she had said they would hunt the two down, and Iza didn't play around when it came to that kind of thing, but it would be so much more preferable if things got out of the way now. The sooner they were captured, the sooner she got her hands on Reiuji, the sooner the plan moves along.

…

_They really are going to take the full ten minutes, aren't they? _She mentally sighed. She glowered at Oro, who shifted uncomfortably under her stare. _I'm seriously tempted to kick the old codger again, if only to help pass the time…_

"Oi!"

Iza's gaze shoots back upwards. She knew that tone of voice. She had overheard it from the link Chino's gem during his interrogation at the mansion. A self-aggrandizing tone that dripped with ill-concealed boredom and some part irritation.

"Her associate." Iza hissed, allowing herself a small grin.

Ryan came from the space in between two buildings, fists clenched and eyes narrowed. He stopped once, looking over the group before his eyes fell on Iza. A flicker of worry shot up, before being forced back down, and Ryan continued his approach.

"R-Ryan-san!" Nitori squeaked from her place against one of the buildings the human passed by. She scrambled to her feet, rushed over, and tugged on his arm. He responded by taking a step back, eyes widened with a sudden bewilderment. "P-Please do something! Where's Okuu? Where's Rika? Please, they're going to hurt Oro-sama!"

_Oh, gag me. _Iza rolled her eyes. _Always with the drama in these situations, the weaklings._

"Correction. He will not be hurt, he will be _gone_." Iza droned, fixed on the male who returned her gaze the best he could. "And to avoid this, I called for _two_ of you. You can't hide her, Randa. Show me the Hell Raven, immediately."

Ryan didn't respond, but rather continued to size her up, taking the occasional look at the twelve men around her in soldiers' uniforms. Finally, he opened his mouth to speak.

"You're this…'Iza', then? Some kinda commander?" He asked, folding his arms over his chest.

"That's _the_ commander to you, pink urchin!" One of the soldiers snapped, shaking his fist angrily. "Now where is your associate?"

_**Shing!**_

The soldier stopped cold when those razor feathers angled ever-so-slightly his way.

"_I will do the speaking._" She spoke lowly. The soldier stepped back, opting not to speak again. "…Hmph."

"Alright, well, you've got us surrounded." Ryan shrugged, holding his hands up in defeat. "But it doesn't matter. Me, Utsuho, Rika, and me are gonna stop you, whatever it takes."

"What are you-you said yourself _twice _you pink lummox!" Iza growled. What the hell was she listening to the human babble for? Where was _**REIUJI? **_"Stop stalling this instant! Bring out the Hell Raven!"

"But she's-"

"**NOW!**" Iza roared.

The air grew still, nobody daring to move. Iza panted lightly at having had to shout in such a way, her single uncovered eye alight with fury in Ryan's direction.

"…If I may, before I was so _rudely_ interrupted," He here pouted mockingly, causing Iza to sharply inhale. If he didn't stop this idiocy, he would be the first. "she's right up there."

He casually jutted his thumb towards the roof of the building to his left. Iza's eyes carefully tracked the direction of the appendage… And her eyes were graced with what she had been waiting to see for so long: the widely-expanded black wings of her enemy, a spatial cape fluttering behind. Iza was only slightly surprised to see the intensity in her own face being mirrored by the raven's own.

"Utsuho Reiuji." Iza spoke slowly, savoring every syllable. "The traitor to bird youkai everywhere, who so _boorishly_ refused the invitation to our glorious ranks." She here stepped forward, cracking her fingers a bit. "I trust you can understand we give no second chances."

"You'd be surprised what she can understand." Came Ryan's voice from outside her field of vision. "Like how she could understand you guys are a bunch of terrorist wackjobs right off the bat."

Iza took a deep breath, turning towards Ryan with hands clasped together.

"Human. Should you speak out of turn again, I will slit you from your engorged belly to your hairy jaw and give what spills out to a horde of feral youkai. Now be silent." She sighed, turning back towards Utsuho. "This is between the ones in charge here."

_**PING!**_

Iza stopped in her motion, an orange laser piercing dangerously close to her neck. She looked to see Third Leg pointed her way, the electrodes extended and crackling.

"…Is this your way of saying you will disobey?" She asked.

_**Crrack!**_

"Ough…"

"Ah-!"

Oro groaned and Nitori gasped when the tall sparrow yanked him to his feet, pressing the feathers on her arm to his neck. A small point of blood formed at one of them.

"Have you forgotten already? Then it seemed Chino was right about your intellectual capabilities." She cooed sarcastically, heaving the kappa up even higher. Her sickeningly sweet face quickly reverted to a furious scowl. "If you defy us, the old man pays for it! So…you'll be coming with us now."

"No...No I don't think we will be." Ryan suddenly, smiled, folding his arms over his chest.

"Hmph. It's a good thing I wasn't asking _you_, then." Iza scoffed, dismissing the human like so much garbage. She turned to Utsuho, who was still standing on the roof. To her great displeasure, the raven, too, bore a look of overconfidence. "...Ha. This is- ...You're serious?" She actually barked a laugh, shaking her head. "The intel was right: you are a _complete_ imbecile; especially to not know your own situation."

"Mm-mm." Utsuho sounded a negative, shaking her head. "We came together on this adventure to beat the bad guys. And that's exactly what we're going to do; and we'll start with you."

Iza growled lowly, her soldiers taking a cautious step back, lest they reap any unintentional "outburst" from their commander's ire.

"Either the both of you are insane or incompetent." Iza snapped, gesturing behind her. "In case you hadn't noticed, there's a blade to the old man's neck. The only reason I've yet to give the order is because your decision... Frankly, I'm baffled." The tall youkai shook her head in disbelief, eyes narrowed. "Personally? I care little for my own personal honor, that's an arbitrary concept that leads to failure. You two, on the other hand, are claiming heroism, yet you'll allow an old man to die for your sakes? You're cowards, the both of you. And our Gensokyo will have little need for-"

"Snrk...hee-hee!"

Iza froze. Reiuji was...was giggling.

The raven was laughing at her, the _bitch_ was _laughing at her._

"...What...in the world..." The commander spoke through gritted teeth, "puts you in any position to-"

"You done?" A yawn followed the human's blunt demand.

Her head snapped to a different position, the one emerald eye of hers that was visible bearing down on Ryan with an insurmountable disdain.

"...How many times must I warn you not to speak out of turn, you _mortal-bodied, hairy-necked maggot?_" Iza shouted, releasing the razor feathers on her left arm. She had more than enough of this chimp's big mouth. "I am a woman of my word, human, _and you will be-!_"

_**BER-KOW!**_

Iza's eyes went wide. The moment she approached Ryan, a thin orange beam pierced clean through her right shoulder guard. Her gaze slowly and twitching moved up towards Utsuho. The Hell Raven's Third Leg was crackling with power, her eyes gleaming with an almost territorial threat.

She was toying with her. Making her seem less important. Just as she had done Chino. It was always Reiuji, who made him take such risks, earn the Master's disdain, end up assaulted by vampires, not return to base, go missing outright-...It was her fault.

It was Reiuji's fault. Reiuji's fault. Reiuji.

_Reiuji, Reuiji, Reuiji, REIUJI, REIUJI, REIUJI REIUJI REIUJIREUIJIREUJIIIIIIII!_

"ENOUGH of your insolent little game!" Iza screamed, hands clutching the sides of her head. "TAKE THE ELDER'S LIFE, _NOW!_"

Multiple things happened in that moment. Nitori, still against the side of a hut, closed her eyes tight with a scream of fear. Several of the soldiers looked towards Solar Team with smug smiles visible under their visors. Ryan and Utsuho looked to each other with a knowing glance.

What did _not_ happen was a spilling of blood from Oro's throat.

Iza's hands fell from her head the moment she noticed something was amiss.

"..." She looked up towards her chosen nemesis, her eyes narrowed with so much hatred one could hardly imagine how she could still see through them. "What did you do?"

"I don't get why you hate me so much." Utsuho shook her head sadly. "All I've done is try to help the people important to me."

"What. Did. You. Do?" Iza emphasized heavily on every word.

"It's because of Chino, isn't it? Look, he tried to hurt me, he tried to hurt my friends!" Utsuho huffed, fists clenched at her sides. "And you're no better! You're the person he _listened_ to! Talking to Ryan like he's lesser than you? He's a better person than you'll ever be, shame on you!"

"_TELL ME WHAT YOU'VE DOOOOOOOOOONE..._" Iza snapped through gritted teeth. She wasn't about to listen to this, least of all from _her_. Utsuho frowned, shrugging helplessly. She looked down to Ryan, who nodded in affirmative.

"Thanks, pal, but I'll take it from here." He said before addressing Iza, frowning in contempt. "You've got some _serious_ anger issues, you know. I don't know what kind of commander you could possibly be, giving into so much aggression against such a kind person," He here threw an arm out in Utsuho's direction, "that you could lose track of your own soldiers?"

Iza's aggression faded. What was...?

"It's like I told you when I got here." Ryan smiled confidently. "Me, Okuu, Rika and me are gonna stop you. You thought I had misspoke, but tell me: you came here with eleven soldiers, how many are behind you now?"

Iza whirled around, razors at the ready-

_**CLANG!**_

...only to be stopped by the sword of one of her subordinates, now carrying Oro under the crook of their arm. A claymore, to be precise. A weapon none of the eleven in her troop were given in the first place.

"Like, I'd say that's enough." The imposter smirked. Within the visor, two brightly glowing blue eyes could be seen. The "soldier" threw his helmet off, and Iza found the face of Ryan Randa staring back at her with half-lidded eyes and an amused smirk. " 'Sup, babe?"

"Cute. IMPALE THEM!" Iza roared. Her soldiers lowered their spears within the next instant, three of them lunging at CS, who kept his grip on the elder without budging an inch. "A clever ploy, but nobody escapes the might of-"

_**BER-KOOOOOOOOOOW!**_

Iza's mouth dropped open when two parallel, gigantic white lasers tore through the ground on either side of her. Off in the distance behind her back, the great, red turret's barrels smoked. Even more, on top of the whole thing was Rika, smirking deviously while she yanked at a length of exposed wiring, lining it up for another shot.

"…" Iza's eyes narrowed. "You're…"

"Hold it!" Came the shout from the Hell Raven.

Iza slowly turned to see Utsuho now at ground level. She stood slightly behind Ryan, who had his gun held tight in hand, raised to shoulder level.

"We're still going about this by the book." Ryan said flatly, not even daring to blink lest Iza disappear from his sight. "Unlike you, we're willing to play it by a Spell Card battle."

Iza growled lowly. For all the Raven's incompetence, she was still the strongest one currently in the area. This made things difficult, but…

"…The standard rule." Iza spat. "Three cards each. When I've beaten you, you will submit without further resistance."

"Fine!" Ryan shot back. "And when we've wiped the floor with you, you're gonna-"

"Wait a second, Ryan." Utsuho frowned at him. The interrogation thing with Chino had gotten them into this situation, who knows what another would do. She looked towards Iza. "You're in charge of all of the attacks that have been going on, right?"

"Did the term 'commander' not get through the first time?" Iza scoffed. Utsuho smiled. _Goddamnit, stop with that already_! Iza raged within her mind.

"If we win, you're going to stop attacking people who have nothing to do with this." She laid out the terms without losing that faint smile. Ryan's face became shocked when he realized what she was doing; she was guaranteeing the safety of uninvolved people from here on out! "It'll be between your people and everyone who's fighting to stop you!"

Iza actually smiled at this. However, it wasn't pleasant in the slightest: it was a smile that showed some level of malicious planning occurring beneath the false understanding.

"…Have it your way, dear." Iza spat sarcastically. Both arms were now armed with razor-sharp feathers.

"Common, go protect Rika." Ryan demanded, crouched in his stance.

"You got it, dude." he clone nodded. He took to the air, leaving the area. Nitori, seeing her elder being carted away, yelped and sprinted after him.

"We're ready for you." Utsuho rested an arm on her control rod.

"No," Iza replied, "you aren't."

A blue globe, an orange laser, and a spiraling green shockwave raced forth to meet each other in battle.

* * *

"Come on, turn, obey me!" Rika yelled, yanking at the wires in her hands so hard that a few snapped. The turret roared mechanically in response, the gears within grinding to turn it and line it up for another shot. "Clone! Get out of the way!"

"Right!" Common stopped in midair and barrel rolled to the side, revealing three soldiers who had been chasing after him, completely exposed. "Fire, fire!"

Rika stamped her foot down hard on the top of the turret, hitting an emergency deployment panel that had been placed there in case of a need for manual control. The barrels lit of with a white light, and two more blinding lasers pierced the sky.

"Evasive maneuvers!" A soldier barked. The two behind him nodded, flapping the wings on their back hard enough that their trajectory was completely shifted. However, one still managed to be enough within the line of fire that the laser tore through the right side of his body.

"AARGH!" He grunted, pushing himself farther away so that he was now longer being blasted. His chest plate had been blackened and scorched, while his the right side of his visor had been reduced to a twisted scrap of metal with flames licking at the ends. "Human wench! You'll pay dearly for that!"

With a whoosh of air, five more leapt into the air behind Rika, spears at the ready.

_**CLANG!**_

Rika cringed and ducked when the weapons were thrust at her, only for a green, glowing sword to intercept their paths. CS landed on the turret, grunting with effort to keep the five at bay while Rika steadily got to her feet. "Eyes open, Rika-babe! Two headed your way!"

"Hmph!" Rika sounded, thrusting her arms forward to the point where her wrists were exsposed, along with the devices she strapped to them earlier. "Eat this, you miserable fowl!"

_**THROM-THROM!**_

The two soldiers who had entirely avoided the turret's shot were caught off guard when two white globes came rocketing from both of Rika's fists, crashing into their faces and sending them plummeting to the ground.

"_Hrrrraaaaaah!_"CS roared, putting all of his strength behind his sword. The solders who had been attempting to impale him were knocked away, just long enough for the claymore's swing to follow through and release an green shockwave.

"Guuaaaah!" The soldiers all cried out when the projectile sliced through them at the waist, sending them careening into the ground below. "Whoo… where'd _those_ come from?"

"Let's just say I have a _very_ good power source back in the lab." Rika danced about the question, eyes locked onto the recovering soldiers. "But aside from that, where's Nitori and the elder?"

CS pointed off into a cluster of trees on the edge of the clearing. Just behind one of them, one could make out Nitori leaning the elder against a tree, getting supplies out of her large backpack.

"Thank the dragon for small favors…" Rika muttered, shaking her head. "And what of Ryan and the Hell Raven?"

_**CRACK-KOOOOOOOOOM!**_

A massive pillar of blue, orange, and green energy shot up into the air from the direction of the village, the force tremendous to the point where the earth shook for a moment, even out to as far as they were.

"Waah!" Rika shouted, stumbling some when the quake reached the turret. "I can understand Utsuho and that Commander woman, but how is Randa matching that?"

"Clear skies and Utsuho's excess runoff giving him some extra juice." CS shrugged. He heard the soldiers below grunting, obviously ready for another round. "Like, eyes open! Our little playmates are comin' back for round two!"

"You just mind yourself, clone…" Rika replied.

* * *

_**Cue Music ~ Castlevania Judgement - "Evil's Symphonic Poem"**_

Oh, _thanks_, iPod! Of all the most ill-boding tracks you could have given me…!

"Ryan! Above you!" Came Utsuho's shout.

I avert my head to the sky, only to see Iza coming down on me after being knocked airborne by the clash of our bullets colliding. She grunts and swipe with her arm again, releasing another shockwave. The green of it is different from my usual ones, though-this hue is sickly, darkened. I spring off the ground in a backflip, allowing the shot to slice into the dirt harmlessly.

"Get some!" I yell, firing a half-charged shot and two normal bullets.

Iza whips her arm backwards, slicing through the half-charged bullet with those razors coming out of her arm and deflecting the two normal shots into Utsuho?

"Agh!" Okuu cries in shock, shielding herself with her control rod.

_**Throb!**_

_BITCH!_

"Hrrrrrgh!" I crouch with fists clenched at my sides, charging up energy. Utsuho, having recovered, flies at Iza and swings her control rod in a wide arc to club the sparrow in the head. However, Iza launches a foot upwards, kicking Third Leg hard enough that the attack in cancelled. Ustuho stumbles in midair, and Iza leaps up above her, raising her arms to swipe downwards and cut through her with those feathers.

"Finally…!" Iza hisses in glee, swinging her arm downwards.

Oh, no you fucking don't!

_**CLANG!**_

"-Kh!" Iza grunts in discontent when my claymore rises above Okuu's head to counter the attack. "_You_ stay-"

She suddenly stops, eyes focusing on the sword.

"It _is_…that's a claymore…!" She sounds…shocked?

"_Hah!_"

_**WHACK!**_

Utsuho takes this moment to thrust her control rod forward, the hard metal striking hard against Iza's forehead and knocking the sparrow for a loop.

"Damn you!" Iza growls, steadying herself in the air.

Wait, what the- Wings just came out of her back! But…Chino didn't _have_ wings…!

"You! Randa! Import, whatever you call yourself!" She demanded, pointing at me. "You said to Chino you had been given authority to interfere with us! Who is it that gives you that authority?"

"Signs point to 'none of your business', psycho!" I shoot back, showing her the barrel of my buster once more and firing three times.

"I-demand-you-tell me!" Iza persisted, cutting through my bullets once more.

_**FWOOM!**_

Iza growls and jumps back when a laser from Utsuho shoots through the ground between her and me, bringing up a momentary wall of fire and rock.

"Utsuho…!" I call meaningfully. "I told you, I'm not going to-"

"I know!" She cuts me off, rapping a fist against her head in frustration. "I know, I know, I'm sorry!"

"Grrrrraaah!"

_**WHUMP!**_

-UGH!

Iza launches herself through the defensive wall, thrusting her foot forward and kicking me in the chest. In the next moment, Utsuho and the surrounding buildings are a faraway blur, my back forcefully skidding through the dirt.

"Hey!" My partner snaps, aiming at Iza once more. "Don't you touch him, you horrible person!"

"Good!" Iza responds, sending another two shockwaves at Utsuho. "You have a glimpse at what I've had to deal with, you ignorant corpse-burning Neanderthal!"

I'm…not finished! I'm not going to make Utsuho do all the fighting anymore!

I kick off of the ground, propelling me towards Iza. Raising my sword aver my head, I somersault through the air twice before bringing it down on her. It's a clean hit, the sword phases through her as is Spell Card custom, leaving a white streak on her body where it passed through. Iza howls in pain in response.

"This…pain…!" She grunts, glaring hard at me once more. "I know this pain, and I know that sword! Where did you get it from?"

"I have a question!" I retort. "Chino didn't have wings, so why do you?"

"I have one too!" Utsuho demanded angrily, conjuring a fiery globe over her head. "You keep saying that you're doing this for your people, but it seems like you just hate me! What do you want, really?"

"I will be asking the questions!" Iza roared, swinging at the both of us. My and Okuu deflect her attack with our respective weapons, only to see Iza holding a Spell Card in front of her. "_Scythe of Shinigami "Death's Diligent Parade" !_"

What's this going to-

_**SHING!**_

…Uh-oh.

The feathers on Iza's arms shoot out from her body, curving into crescents and increasing in size. They take on a ghastly green outline, and begin to orbit her body. The crescents grew even brighter and began to spin much more erratically. Iza took to the air…

_**Fing-fing-fing-fing-fing-fing-fing-fing-fing!**_

And a storm of projectiles rained from the feathers orbiting her body.

"Ryan, cover yourself!" Utsuho commanded to me, already bringing out a Spell Card of her own. "_Light Cover "Nuclear Visor" !_"

The energy blades clashed hard against the screen that rose up before Okuu, but bounced off of it without causing any significant damage.

"Hah!" She shouted, flinging the globe of fire she'd been building up at Iza. The Commander grunted and redirected her shots, a storm of bullets erupting against the globe and causing it to explode.

-! Now's my chance!

"_Colorful Fortress "Rainbow Barricade" !_" I bring up the barrier after throwing myself into the air, the diamond taking shape around me once I'm in position above Iza. "_Incoming!_"

"-Agh!" Iza gasps in momentary shock before bringing up the feathers orbiting her to counter my barrier. The energy then does what it's meant to, flow downwards to the point of impact and let out a shocking charge! Shows you right, you-

-_THAT DIDN'T CANCEL HER SPELL CARD?_

"Ryan!" Ustuho yells in shock, having quickly realized what went wrong. The feathers absorbed the blow, leaving Iza unharmed. Helpless in the air, I can only cough when Iza roughly grabs me by the throat, her shockwave-shooting feathers surrounding me from all angles. "No! Let him go, you hate _me_, not him!"

"Indeed I do…" Iza responds to Utsuho indirectly, whispering to me. "And I am absolutely _loving _her despair right now. You know what? I wonder how much it would hurt her if I sent _you_ back to her the way she sent _Chino_ back to me that day?"

I grab her wrist with both hands and squeeze all I can, but all it does is cause her a slight strain in keeping her grasp on me. She clutches a bit tighter now.

_**Crk!**_

"GAH!…Hah!" I gag as my throat is cut off from air, feebly punching at her arm. Of course, it doesn't help me any.

_**Click! Bzzt-bzzt-bzzt!**_

Utsuho's Third Leg crackles with energy as she points it at Iza.

"I _said_-"

Iza casually moves me between Okuu and her.

"-ah!" Utsuho immediately lowers her weapon.

"Now then. We can do this one of two ways." Iza continues speaking lowly to me only. "I can bring you anguish and her misery in one fell swoop, or…" She taps the holster strap on my chest meaningfully. "You can tell me where you got that lovely little sword of yours. A fair trade, isn't it?"

My chest burns, my lungs cut off from all-too-necessary oxygen. I continue to gag in her grip, getting in just enough air to form a response.

"…Utsuho!" I yell in a rough tone, my eyes shut tight from the strain. "Do not let her get to you! Do not back down!"

Iza smiles grimly at my decision.

"Fool." She chuckles. "Now excuse me while I indulge myself…"

The feathers all shine brighter. This is going to _hurt._

_**BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAMBAMBAMBAMBAM…**_

"Urrrrgh… Aaaaaaaaagh!" The instant my throat is released from Iza's grip, I'm bombarded on all sides.

-_**BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM!**_

When the assault finally stops, my body feels weak and soft. My jacket is torn in the chest, sleeves, back and arms. My face feels extremely tight-I'm guessing I've got a bruise-and I've got no energy at the moment whatsoever.

"Get _away!_" Utsuho roars angrily, swinging her control rod at Iza before using it to catch me. "Are you okay? Say something, please!"

"Heh-heh…" I force a grin onto my face, grabbing her shoulder to get myself back up. "Well, lookie here, I…didn't get knocked out this time!" I unsteadily get to me feet, giving Okuu a thumbs up. "I'm getting better, wouldn't you say?"

Utsuho shakes her head, removing the pouting face and watery eyes that had been there moments ago with a look of absolute conviction.

"I'll get you for this!" Ustuho snaps at Iza, wings expanding wider. "The more you hurt people like this, the worse you're going to get from me!"

"_Good!_" Iza laughs in kind. "Otherwise, this would likely be very _boring_ for me!"

* * *

"Ora-ora-_ORA!_"

_**FWACK-FWACK-FWOOM!**_

"Grrrgh…!" A soldier doubles over when CS punches him twice in the face before slamming another fist into his unarmored middle. "Is that…all you've got, you copy human?"

"Doesn't have to be." CS sniffed casually. He jutted his thumb to the side, showing that the huge turrent barrels were now pointed in their direction.

"…Oh, _flock._" The soldier meeped weakly.

_**BER-KOOOOOOOOOW!**_

He was caught in both lasers, the expansive beams dragging him away in their flow to the point of contact, a large slab of rock a little ways away. When the dust settled, the soldier was splayed out against the solid surface, thoroughly unconscious.

"Like, nice shooting, Tex!" CS grins with a thumbs-up, causing Rika to groan. "Anywho, that's another down. How many does that leave us?"

"We started with eleven, and knocked out three before…" Rika mused, trailing off. "…with this one, we have seven left to deal with."

CS blinked some at her response, looking out over the remaining soldiers who were taking another battle formation.

"…Like, I'm only seeing five, babe."

"Huh? _Get down!_" One of the soldiers suddenly shouted. The missing two of their companions came tumbling out of the trees, sailing over the heads of the active five before slamming into the slab of rock that the other had been smashed into. Both were out cold with swollen cheeks and black eyes.

"What in the…" Rika began, before turning around. "Ni-Nitori-chan?"

Nitrori stood there on the edge of the clearing, face red and huffing angrily with two mechanical arms coming out of her backpack, her real arms balled into fists at her sides.

"Un-Unforgivable!" She spat, pointing at the soldiers accusingly. "Poor Oro-sama just had a vertebrae transplant, the last thing he needs is to be bullied!"

Rika smirked at Nitori's sudden resolve, and CS's grin grew ever-wider.

"Well, alrighty!" He beamed, taking out his buster and peppering the field with shots. "Let's wrap this up, ladies!"

"Like I needed invitation!" Rika smirked.

"You're going to pay for this!" Nitro declared, danmaku globes forming in the hands of her mechanical arms.

"We have not trained under Commander Iza to simply be brought down by two humans and a weak-spirited kappa!" One of the soldiers barked, reclaiming his spear. "Let us claim victory, men! _Charge!_"

* * *

"HURGH!" I grunt, holding out my claymore to keep from getting run through by Iza. "Oh, no you don't…!"

"Ha-ha-ha!" Iza cackled, pushing down harder. "Oh, but I believe I _do!_"

_**WHUMP!**_

Agh! She kicked me in the freaking chest! _Again!_

"Ah-HA!" Utsuho comes behind Iza, aiming at her back. "Got you now!"

_**Crrrack!**_

"UGH!" Okuu grunted when the back of Iza's fist smashes hard into the side of her head, sending Okuu barreling into the side of a building.

"Pathetic!" Iza scoffs, spitting at the ground. "If I merely wanted to let off some stress, I'd take my troop back to the base for another 'training session' of theirs!"

Why did that sound so sarcastic? Oh, don't tell me…

"You use your own men as punching bags in the guise of training?" I demand. Iza merely smiles. "You-You're completely twisted, lady! I don't know how in the hell Yukari lets someone like you-"

_OOP!_

Her gaze immediately falls on me, all senses of twisted pleasure gone form her expression.

"Yukari. You know of her." She deadpans, coming close to me. "Which brings me right back to my previous question. How in the _hell_ did you come across that sword in your meaty little fingers?"

"Um…" I stammer at her question. "I, uh… NO ONE SEES THE WIZARD!"

_**BAM!**_

My fist is caught in her hand with little effort. She's caught me _again_, damn it all!

"Oh, did you _enjoy_ my soft fingers about your throat?" She coos sarcastically, edging closer. Oh, god, not again! "Then by all means, I'm happy to-"

"_You get away from him!_"

Iza only has a moment of recognition before a pillar of fire and laser rips up from the ground beneath her, carrying her into the sky. Okuu, her control rod firmly slammed into the earth, pulls herself free from the wrecked wall.

"Ptoo! And don't come back!" She yells, waving her fist angrily at the airborne Iza after spitting out some dust.

"…Okuu, she's coming back anyway." I sigh, grabbing her arm. "But, at least we've got a few seconds. You got anything?"

"No…" Okuu whines. "She's really skilled, and strong enough to knock me away if she tries hard enough."

I reach under my shirt, up towards the scar on my chest. A rectangle of light forms within it, and I pull it out.

"Sunlight's Starstorm". This may be our best chance.

"Oh, and what do you have there?" A voice asks.

"Oh," Okuu begins, "just one of his Spell Ca-AAAAAAH!"

What the _hell? _Iza's right behind us!

"H-How did you get there!" I demand, jumping away. "We knocked you clear into the air!"

She grins devilishly.

"You really haven't paid attention at all," she gloats, "have you?"

_**FWOOSH!**_

She just disappeared in a burst of black feathers? How in the world is she doing this?

"Hello."

Ulp! She's-She's right behind-

_**GRIP!**_

-ME!

"What is it with you and grabbing me by the neck area, woman?" I demand, my collar in her grip.

"Stop doing that already!" Utsuho follows up, swinging her leg at Iza. The Commander, it seems, has other plans.

"_Casualty Sign "Barrier From Bones Below" !_"

A net of interconnecting danmaku "bones" rises up from the ground beneath us, encircling me and Iza and cutting off Okuu from helping.

"Now then, before this goes any further," She starts again, pulling me up so we're nose-to-nose. "The sword. You will tell me where you got it."

"Why do you need to know?" I demand.

"You're with the Yakumos, aren't you? Perhaps Yukari's latest pet shikigami?" She continues, visibly more angry.

"Why would she need a human?" I ask, attempting to change the subject. It doesn't work.

"YOU RECEIVED THAT CLAYMORE ON YOUR BACK FROM YUKARI YAKUMO!" She screams, shaking me repeatedly. "Admit it! NOW!"

"Agh-agh-agh-ALL RIGHT!" I finally shout, the shaking coming to an abrupt stop. "All right. You're right, I got the sword I have from Yukari, she gave it to me when I came here, and she's the one who sent me on this mission!"

Iza's eyes narrow. She releases me, allowing me to drop to the ground. The barrier around us is dismissed.

"…Well?" I demand. "You happy?"

_**SHLICK!**_

!

Guh…

"Ah…ah!" Okuu gasps in shock, covering her mouth with her hands.

Iza looks down at me with a cold and condemning stare, both sets of razors on her arms buried into my chest.

"Agh…gah?" I whimper out. I…can't even describe what I'm feeling right now. Even though there is no actual wound due to the Spell Card system, this must be what if would feel like to have twelve razors piercing your body.

This…this _hurts. _It hurts, but I can't even tell _where_ it hurts.

No. Calm down, I'm not going to die. That's why the system is there. Nobody can die.

Yes I am. My body feels cold. That means death, it always does.

No I'm not. Yes I am.

I…I'm _scared._

"Consider this pain due payment to your predecessor." Iza states. "The one who held that sword before you."

"Explosion Sign "Mega Flare" !"

I see Iza turn in shock to be greeted by a white beam engulfing her. Afterwards, a new figure comes into my line of sight. It's Utsuho. She has her hands on my shoulder she's shaking me lightly.

Why can't I feel her? Why can't I feel _anything?_

It doesn't hurt anymore. It's just…cold. My body is freezing.

Help. Please, I don't know how to react to this. Please, Utsuho. Yukari, Ran. Someone, _anyone._

"_Git the hell up!"_

Tata? …Is that you?

No. No, it's not.

He's dead, how could I forget that?

"_You decided to go running off in the snow without a jacket! Of course it's damn cold out here!"_

_**Throb**_

… This is a memory, and yet…

"_Come on! I can't git you back to the house by myself! You help out and move yer damn feet!"_

_**Throb**_

"_Yeah, it's damn cold! It's gonna be cold until you git back inside! Now git the hell up, or it'll be a lot colder!"_

_**Throb!**_

"…It's not real!" Utusho's voice reaches my ears. "Remember, the injury isn't real! Get up, please!"

My hand shoot up and garbs her shoulder. With a grunt of effort, I heave myself into a sitting position.

"Oh, thank goodness!" She sighs heavily in relief, not yet releasing me. "You went into shock! I was so scared!"

"So was I." I say with a cough. "Iza still out there?"

"Mm-hm." Okuu nods. "With CS out there and the Spell Cards we've used, we have one each left."

I nod. One each, huh? …Alright.

"Ryan?" She asks. "Did you want to use Sunlight's Starstorm?"

"No." I say simply.

"No?" She asks. "But why?"

I look her in the eyes meaningfully. Hers widen in realization.

It's time for the Tag-Team Spell Card.

_**-End Music-**_

* * *

"Agh…hagh…" CS pants heavily, balancing himself on his sword. "What…the hell?"

_Oh, crap. _He thinks to himself, standing back up. _That came from Ryan. He just got hurt, and bad._

"Eyes open, Common!" Rika demands, lighting up her hand with electricity via the device on her wrist and tazing a soldier. "Don't talk so blasted big without being able to back it up!"

"Ugh…ha-ha! No worries!" CS grins, readying his claymore. "How you doing Nitori?"

He blinks. Nitori's no longer there.

"Um, Rika-babe?" He calls. "Nitori's gone AWOL."

"What?" The human asks, whipping her head around. Sure enough, Nitori's gone. "I don't understand, where did she go?"

"I'm up here!" The two look towards the sky. Nitori is airborne, but…it isn't by her doing.

Someone is gripping her by the backpack. At first Common thinks it's Reimu, but since when does Reimu wear white and blue? Not to mention, she uses a gohei, not a fan-thing. And where would she find the time to dye her hair green, anyway?

"You two get out of the way!" The girl demands, pointing to them with her…fan-ish thingamajigger. "These youkai need to be exterminated in a proper manner!"

"But I'm a youkai…" Nitori responds weakly. CS looks over to Rika, who nods.

"Best move. This one will shoot whether we're here or not." Rika says. A jetpack emerges on her back, flames from the thrusters propelling her into the air. "Keep up, now!"

"Ah, hey!" CS stammers, quickly taking to the sky. "Like, wait for me!"

The soldiers watch the spectacle with confusion.

"…They're retreating?" One asks. "Well, how unusual."

"Wait, hold on now." Another states, looking to the sky. "Is that a shrine maiden up there?"

"It's not Hakurei, those aren't that family's colors." A third soldier says, stroking his chin. "So who…?"

They all realize immediately who it is, and their faces in unison become quite a bit paler. A green-haired shrine maiden? There was only one it could be.

Sanae Kochiya. Known throughout Gensokyo as a god-powered youkai-exterminating fanatic.

Oh, they were _screwed._

"RETREAT!"

"_Miracle "Light of the Supernova Storm" !_"

* * *

"Well, well, well." Iza smirked. "And here I thought I'd managed to make a kill in a Spell Card battle! …You can imagine I'm disappointed."

Of course you are, you sicko. I bet you had loads of fun prying yourself out of that rubble Utsuho put you in, too, didn't you?

"He's not going to die. I won't let that happen." Ustuho stated defiantly. "You fight dirty, and you hurt him to try and make me weaker. …I won't forgive you, Iza. I can't ever forgive you."

"Well, that's fine." Iza hissed, slowly beginning to circle around us in the ring her barrier had created in the ground. "Look at you. A youkai, a distant relative to our own creed, mind you, clinging to a fleshy mortal like this. It is absolutely _sickening._"

She sighed, holding a hand to her forehead.

"Do you know what I… Ugh. That is, do you know what the last Commander did?" She asked, folding her arms. "Once, we were in position to take a major standing in Gensokyo, over two centuries ago. She had her army put a knife to the necks of all the humans in the village. It was a situation Yukari couldn't weasel her way out of. Even the Hakurei Shrine Maiden of the time was helpless to do anything."

She began to circle us faster. Green streaks were being left behind in the air on the path she was gliding in.

"It was because of someone like you, Reiuji, that we failed. A traitor. Our own tactician turned his blade on her." She continued. "And Randa. He had help, you know. From the first shikigami of Yukari Yakumo. From the one who killed that Commander."

She began spinning around us even faster still.

"From the fox who held that sword before you."

-!

…Ran?

My claymore… It used to be Ran's?

"In the both of you, I see them. I came here with intent to subject Utsuho Reiuji…the one who brutalized my dear Chino twice…to relentless pain. But now, seeing one working for Yukari with that weapon…" She shook her head. "To top it all off, a _youkai and human _displaying such illicit closeness. You both disgust me in ways I never thought possible."

I stand up.

"Well, that just means we're doing something right." I respond to her rant. "If we're acting in a way that somebody like you can't stand, we must be doing the absolute best we possibly could be."

Utsuho hovers in the air next to me.

"Chino tried to hurt people just like you're doing now. I'm sorry if he's really important to you, but you both have done terrible things." She clenched a determined fist. "We're going to stop you, me and Ryan both. We're going to find that base of yours, we're going to beat up your leader, and then you won't be able to touch anybody in Gensokyo again."

"…No. I don't think you will be." Iza stopped circling us. She pulled a Spell Card from the air, holding it up above her head. "This kind of childish idealism and whimsical antics is precisely what could've been avoided if we had won on that day. But no. Instead, we have happy-go-lucky idiots like you two running the world, making a place with such potential into a mockery." She held the card out in front of her. "No more. Starting today, starting with you, things are going to change."

The air around us glowed with a dark green.

"_Perfection's Vengeance "Storm of the Century" !_"

The air around us was suddenly filled with a raging cyclone of black feathers. Iza herself is but a green-glowing silhouette far above, that one emerald eye bearing down on us with fury and contempt.

Normally, this would frighten me. But not today, not with Okuu here.

"Ryan." Utsuho, my friend and partner grips my arm. She holds up her hand, now bare of Third Leg. In her palm floats "Nuclear Nebula". "It's time."

"Right." I smirk. "Let's get her."

* * *

_**Cue Music ~ Touhou Hisoutensoku -"Did You See That Shadow?"**_

The pitch-black cyclone rises high in the sky above Kappa Village, the buildings on the edge of its diameter ripped apart from the force or blasted away. Just above it, a mere speck in comparison to the scope of the attack is Commander Iza of Sasa Sanctuary, looking down upon the chaos with rapt anticipation.

"My victory is assured."

She clutches a single fist in the direction of the storm below. Layer-by-layer, hundreds of feathers, each razor-sharp as those on her arms, begin firing across every angle within the attack, the wall of blades lowering, and lowering, and lowering still.

At the bottom, in the eye of the storm stand Ryan Randa and Ustuho Reiuji. Shoulder to shoulder, they both raise their Spell Cards to the sky. They know they have nothing to fear, even from a disaster like this. They've seen what they power combined could do, on that day in the reactor. A beautiful accident, something that can't be understood, but can't be denied. For what it is…simply is-there need be no explanation or reason.

Such, perhaps, is the nature of the bond between these two. Ryan Randa gains his primary strength from the sun in the heavens, high above Gensokyo. For Utsuho, her power is embodied within the nuclear sun deep below the crust of the earth, in a place that is known to many as Hell. From such origin, one would assume that this would bring them into conflict, perhaps going as far as to call it destined.

However, such is not the case.

As Ryan raises "Sunlight's Starstorm" and Utsuho holds "Nuclear Nebula" high, a certain air is formed around them. The man gains power through having control of his abilities. For the raven, she is far stronger when her control rod is not in place. And yet, despite the clear contradiction of order and chaos, the power that begins to brim between the two is at a perfect balance. The two don't face each other-there is no need, they know the other won't let them down.

In Ryan's right hand, his buster now rises to the sky, running parallel to Third Leg on Utsuho's left arm. Two globes are fired. One blue, one orange. They are caught in an almost magnetic pull towards each other, beginning to spin about the other rapidly. Faster and faster still, a single point of white light begins to form within the circle the globes are tracing. And the light grows larger.

Iza, unable to contain her lust for seeing those who would dare oppose her in agony, lowers herself into the storm. Perhaps, had she stayed up above, what would happen next wouldn't leave her helpless in the eye of the oncoming force.

The spiraling orbs and light within shatter through the wall of blades, stopping once clear in Iza's view. She sees that something terrible is about to befall her, but it is far to late.

Ryan and Utsuho speak in unison, their combined voices reaching high above the storm.

"_Heaven and Hell's Fusion "Unified Universe" !_"

The globes crash into the point of light between them.

In an instant, the storm is destroyed. What remains in its place is their creation, what had lived for moments before back in the reactor, on the day of their meeting.

The galactic formation with points of orange and blue scattered about twinkling within illuminates the skies over Kappa Village.

* * *

A figure stands atop a cliff on Youkai Mountain, observing the events below. Seeing the body that fills the air, she smiles.

_Utsuho, well done. We left Ryan to mature with you watching over him, and you've only proven us right in doing so. Your spirit is to be admired. _She shakes her head in disbelief. _And Ryan…I was worried for a minute that you'd lost your nerve, but it seems you found the strength to pull through. That sword was left in good hands, after all._

She turns away, but not before looking over her shoulder one more time.

_The Yatagarasu's successor and the next addition to the Yakumo household… I wish you two nothing but the best for this incident's remainder._

With that prayer in mind, Ran Yakumo departed through a gap.

_**-End Music-**_

* * *

**Next time, the second part of the midarc: "On The Road Again!"**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!**


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: Ryan Randa is from my mind. So is Iza. Does that make me crazy? Wait, so is Common. Does that make me **_**double**_**-crazy? Well, Utsuho is **_**triple**_**-crazy, so obviously I don't qualify to own her or the normal Touhou franchise. Yes, that makes perfect sense. Now excuse me while I bash my head against this ripening watermelon.**

**WARNING: The following chapter contains drama in the form of a crying Hell Raven and a bit of fluff. If you should like neither, avert your gaze.  
**

* * *

Chapter 27: On The Road Again!

A cloud of dust shrouded Kappa Village, leaving nobody able to see what remained within it, if anything at all.

Suddenly, there were two visible figures. Namely, two sets of glowing eyes, one blue and one orange.

_**KREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESH!**_

The sound of glass breaking filled the air, and a fierce wind whipped through the area, clearing the village of the dust. Houses were ripped apart and garages were caved in, the river's edge was torn asunder and uneven, and there was a circular ditch in the center of it all. Within the ditch itself, there were three figures-one standing tall, one hunched over, and one lying face-first in the dirt.

Guess which was which?

* * *

"Hagh… Agh…" I gulp down as much fresh air as I can. The battle's over, sure, but I think I got the worst between all of us. You know, getting stabbed twelve times in the torso unison, and all. "That…was…"

"That was incredible!" Utsuho shrieked, glomping onto me and hopping up and down. "We did it! The combination! And it was that thing we made, that thing in the reactor! I thought I'd never see it again, and there it was, and it was so cool, and we can make it any time, and-and-" She suddenly realizes my condition. "-Oh! Ohmigosh, sorry, sorry! It's just-"

"I know." I smile, forcing myself to stand up straighter. "Great job, Utsuho!"

…

"Um, Okuu?" I ask.

"Mmhm?" She asks, leaning into my shoulder.

"You can, uh, let go." I mutter sheepishly. "Any time you want, now."

She jumps away immediately, twiddling a strand of her hair while staring at the ground.

-? What the… Why do I feel so embarrassed right now? I'm actually looking away and kicking at the dirt, myself.

"…**Yoooouu…**"

We both immediately snap out of it. That's right!

I turn around, hands jammed in my pockets.

"Iza." Utsuho says with an edge of disdain.

The fallen commander cranes her neck to look up at us, he limbs twitching every so often in a furious attempt to move.

"**You…**"She growls once more, spitting at Okuu feet since she was closest. "**How dare you…this won't stand…**"

"Good." I smirk. "Because you're kind of _lying down _at the moment."

"Mock me…while you can…" She gritted her teeth, her arm actually shifting a bit this time. "I will slaughter you…I will send your head devoid of eyes and tongue back to the miserable _hole_ you _crawled_ out of…" She said the last one to Okuu, now facing me. "And _you_…I will shred you to _pieces_ with that damn sword…_wring_ the blood from your liver with my bare hands… There will be _nothing_…ngh! …Fit to bury…"

Her threats, albeit disgusting, are a bit worrisome. Not in the sense of "I'm afraid for my life", but surprisingly…I'm worried for _her_… She's criminally insane, that much I've figured. But these things don't exist without some manner of cause.

"Iza," I begin, crouching to look her in the eye, "just what the hell happened to you?"

She snarls at my approach and spits once more, but Okuu's wing shields my face from the saliva ballistic. She kneels down next to me, takes Iza's face in her hands, and forces the sparrow to look her in the eye.

"Nobody is so…so _hateful_ for no reason." She says in a firm, snappy voice. I guess she's more annoyed with Iza than anything… "We deserve an answer. What happened to you that made you this way? What _could_ have made you this way?"

Iza's expression trembles some under Okuu's gaze, her bared teeth and heavy breathing beginning to falter.

"-Ah!" I sound in shock.

Her hair shifts, and we see her other eye.

* * *

"So…"

"Um…"

"Like, yeah…"

These incomplete thoughts were formed by Rika, Nitori, and CS in that order. They looked down upon the ground in front of the giant turret, on which the mark of a star seemed burned into the earth. Scattered about the scar are the soldiers, groaning and twitching every so often in their unconscious state.

Above them all floats Sanae, who is smacking the dust from her hands before planting them on her hips.

"Done!" She smiled cheerily, turning to the other three in the air. "So!"

"Gaaah…!" All three yell at once in shock, flinching. The last thing they want is to have her attention after the way she demolished those soldiers.

"What's with those guys, anyway?" She asks. She then focuses her gaze on CS and Rika. "Wait, who _are_ you two?"

"Well," CS gulps, tugging at his collar. "Like, I-"

"Hey," Sanae cuts him off, looking at Rika with starry eyes, "i-is that a _jetpack?_"

"Wh-why are you drooling?" Rika asks, noticing a little spittle coming out of the corner of the starry-eyed Sanae's mouth. "Wait, you're the shrine maiden of the mountain aren't you?"

Sanae grins.

"I am the sole shrine maiden of the goddesses Suwako and Kanako!"

She takes an elegant pose.

"Gensokyo's sole outsider, and a modern-day goddess of miracles!"

She twirls in the air ala ballerina.

"I am Sanae Kochiya, the greatest shrine maiden in all of Gensokyo!"

A burst of light appears around her, causing the air about her to sparkle.

"…" CS slowly raises his hand.

"Ah!" Sanae beams, pointing her weapon at him. "Yes! You've a question for me?"

"Um, yeah." He sniffs, lowering his hand. "Wouldn't that title belong to Reimu?"

"Well," Sanae's mouth twitches some, "I'm sure you just haven't-"

"Furthermore," CS continues, "If you're a shrine maiden in the service of gods, don't you belittle them by calling _yourself_ a goddess?"

"Listen, pal," Sanae growls through a forced grin, her arm wavering, "I happen to be the descendant of one of them. So if you would kindly-"

"Finally -and this is the biggie-" The clone went on, raising a finger, "you aren't the 'sole outsider' in Gensokyo, babe."

Sanae lowers her head, her arm shaking heavily and growling through a tightly bit lip.

"…You've got some nerve!" She finally bursts, clenching a fist in front of her chest. "I go out of my way to exterminate those criminals, and you're going about spreading lies to belittle me? When and who, huh?"

"Just about two weeks ago," CS answers, not shaken in the slightest. "oh, and…" He here jutted a thumb towards himself.

Sanae hung limply in the air, her arms at her sides, mouth agape. She stammered some, trying to form an answer. Finally, her head hung sadly.

"W-Well now," She chokes out in a sad voice, "you don't say…"

Nitori hesitantly reaches over and pats Sanae on the back, while Rika whistles some at Common and softly applauds him.

* * *

Purple.

Her eye that was hidden is purple, while the one we've been seeing so far is dark green.

"What…" Okuu actually steps back. "What is this? Iza, why are your eyes two different colors?"

Iza snarls at her, then stops. She slowly moves a hand up towards the right side of her face. Upon feeling bare skin, her mouth begins to hand open, and she lets out a broken gasp.

I'm not sure why, but… That eye means something. She's hiding something from us.

"Don't move, Iza!" I quickly point my buster her way. She flinches some at being under gunpoint, but soon continues to bear her teeth defiantly at me. "We beat you, so we get to question you. What are you hiding with that eye of yours?"

"N-No…" She mutters, looking towards the ground. She shakily begins to get to her feet, her body swaying like a scarecrow in a strong breeze. "No no no…"

"Hey!" Okuu snaps, arming Third Leg at the broken Commander. "Ryan said don't move! After how you've been all day…!" She shakes her head, I'm guessing in an attempt to calm her anger. "You're gonna answer us! Now!"

"No, no, no, no, no…" Iza continues muttering. She is now standing up entirely. Her right arm trembles as she brings it up towards her face…and clenches her hand over the incriminating eye. "Too much…you've seen too much. How have you seen this much? This wasn't supposed to…"

Um…whoa. Iza's seriously looking like she's having a panic attack. I don't feel too sorry for her, she just caused me one a little while ago via twelve stab wounds, but…

"Whoa, l-let's just take it easy, now." I insist, holding out a hand in objection. Iza limply stumbles away from us, swaying erratically as she does so. Christ, what the hell's up with her. "Iza, stop! The Spell Card rules! You have to listen to us!"

"No…it's not…Ku, I can't…Nami, and it was…" She shudders heavily…then stops all movement. She slowly but surely ceases being hunched over, removing her hand from her eye, allowing the curtain of hair to fall back over it. She arches her back, leaning towards the sky.

Surprising us both, she starts laughing.

"_Hee…hee-hee-hee! HEEHEEHEE-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH~!_"Her finger twitch wildly as she does so, another dark green aura flaring up around her. Great, now we're _right_ back to the tall, dark and crazy I like to refer to as Square One. "Heh…ha-ha… …Reiuji."

Utsuho perks up as Iza addresses her with an accusatory finger.

"…Randa."

I step back once when she points at me.

"Reiuji-Randa. ." She finally looks at us. …Ugh, that's unnerving. Her face just looks…completely and absolutely calm right now. "…All right. You win. We'll have nothing more to do with innocent bystanders, as I agreed, Utsuho. My word on it."

Why…doesn't this turn of events make me feel any better?

"And Randa… I must answer a question from you? Very well." She shakes her head with a lofty chuckle. "I choose to answer your question from earlier."

"What?" No, you are _not_ dodging my question, spank you very much. "What are you talking about?"

"When I offered you another…'neck massage', and the rude one next to you denied you the opportunity." Iza states, grinning wickedly. "You wondered how I got back to you both so quickly.'

What? No, I-

"_**Oh, and what do you have there?" A voice asks.**_

"_**Oh," Okuu begins, "just one of his Spell Ca-AAAAAAH!"**_

_**What the hell? Iza's right behind us!**_

"_**H-How did you get there!" I demand, jumping away. "We knocked you clear into the air!"**_

…Ffffffffffffudge.

"I'll gladly explain it to you." She said. She stood completely still…

Then disappeared in an explosion of black feathers.

"What the-?" Okuu yelped, quickly whirling around in search of the enemy. "Where are you?"

A whistle signaled us to look on top of one of the remaining buildings. Iza is standing tall, holding something in her hands. …Is that one of her feathers?

"Just one will usually do, though I cannot leave more than three at any given point all at once." Iza explained, fiddling with the plume in her grasp. "But the effect is the same. If I leave one of my feathers somewhere, I can deconstruct my body and reform it to that feather's location instantaneously."

She smirked, and pointed towards us.

"It seems, Miss Okuu," She began mockingly, "that in our scuffle I left you with a little souvenir."

Okuu blinks in confusion, and begins to search about her outfit.

-!

"Ustuho!" I call. "There's a feather stuck to your cape!"

_**Fwoosh!**_

Too late! Iza's already ported behind her! She reaches down swiftly and grabs the shorter girl by the shoulders roughly.

"Hey! Unyuu…! Let me go!" Okuu snaps, Iza's head now lowered next to her. I point my buster at the two threateningly, all the while Okuu's fighting her grip. She had _best_ freaking-!

Huh? Ustuho…stopped fighting back all of a sudden?

_**FWOOSH!**_

Iza disappears in another burst of feathers. Her shadow cast over us, I look back to see her returned to her perch atop the building.

"That makes two feathers in the immediate area." She explains calmly. "The third one is back at the base."

…! No! You are not about to hit and run, damnit!

_**Bang-bang-bang!**_

Iza swipes her razors at my shots, slicing them apart.

"Ha-ha…don't look so glum Raaaaandaaaaa~." She says slowly. "We will have plenty of time to play again. Plenty of time. Especially now that our efforts will not be so focused on claiming new territory…thanks to Reiuji's condition for your victory."

…Oh, crap. She's insinuating that, now that her soldiers aren't occupied with attacking settlements, she can focus her efforts on putting down resistance!

"What do you mean?" Okuu asks, having regained her nerve. "…Hey! That's not fair! You can't change what you send your soldiers to do, that's cheating!"

"Cheating? Cheating, you say?" Iza throws her head back, letting out another maniacal cackle that fills the air. "Ah… You little fool. This is _war. _There are no rules to be had here, only determining who will serve as predator or prey."

"Big talk from a bigger chicken!" I retort quickly. "Don't think I've forgotten about that eye!"

She grunts some, moving her hand towards her face again…but she stops.

"…It matters not what you've seen. If you are asking questions, you clearly don't know its significance, meaning," She folded her arms over her chest, "I've nothing to be concerned about."

No, we can't let her just get away now! This is a huge breakthrough for us, and now we're not getting anything out of it?

"Goodbye." Iza smiles, bowing in an act of mockery.

"_NO!_" Comes a scream from not me nor Iza.

_**BER-KOOOOOW!**_

_Whoa!_

A white beam rips through the air at Iza, but she's already vanished. The slowly falling feathers are, alongside the massive destruction, the only sign she was ever here. Ustuho grits her teeth, panting heavily with Third Leg still aimed at where Iza was seconds ago.

"O-…Okuu." I slowly walk over to her, setting my hand on her control rod. "Set it down Okuu. We won, she's… Iza's gone. See?"

_**Clutch!**_

Okuu quickly whirls around and, dismissing Third Leg, grabs both my shoulders with her head lowered. …I'm not sure what else to do, but…something tells me I should…

"Calm down." I set a hand on her head and stroke her hair some. I'm not sure why I think this'll work, but… "You did it, Okuu. We did it. Nitori and Oro are safe, we've gotten Aya back… And now, all those people who were at risk? She can't touch them now. And that was all thanks to you."

"Ryan, I…" She begins. I make a sound in confusion, asking her to go on. …She eventually shakes her head. "N-Nevermind. You're right, we won. Thank you."

That'll have to do. I take my hand off her head and look around the area. Whoo boy…that storm of Iza's sure made one huge damn mess. So many ripped up houses, caved in garages, the riverbed is torn up to hell and back… I feel bad about the shape the village is in, especially since its not like we'll be able to do anything about it. Either way, I have to assume it can't be helped.

"Um…" Okuu begins unsteadily, shifting from one foot to the other. "We should…go get the others, huh?"

I smile and nod.

"Lead the way."

* * *

"No." CS frowned, arms at his side.

"What?" Rika asked with a tone far too innocent sounding. "It makes perfect sense!"

"I said _no_, Rika-babe." CS repeated, eye twitching.

"Think about it, would you?" Rika asked, growing fed up with the clone's childish denial of reasoning. "You and Ryan take in energy from sunlight in a method akin to photosynthesis, yet you also consume foods the normal way to do so as well! Everything about you two indicates you as being a manner of photo heterotrophic being!"

"Like, I am telling you, for the last time!" Common snapped, jumping to his feet. "Me and broski aren't goddamned purple bacteria! We're totally radical human ass-kickers!"

"You're missing the point!" Rika shouted in kind, fists clenched at her sides. "I'm telling you the nature of your existence is a breakthrough in modern science! For a supposed being of reason, you are certainly adverse to the concept of explaining how in the hell something like you can exist!"

"GEN. SO. KY. O." Common said, emphasizing each and every syllable. "We can totally say 'a wizard did it' and nobody will ask questions!"

The two continued bickering while Sanae listened with interest. She and Nitroi had been off to the side of the turret's clearing, tending to the now-unconscious Oro's wounds. He wasn't exactly in critical condition, but Iza's extremely ruthless manhandling _did_ leave him off worse for ware.

"Hm. Interesting." Sanae mused, looking up from the bandaged Oro. "So, he's some kind of X-Men?"

"What?" Nitori asked, brow furrowing at Sanae's further 'outsider' lingo. "…Well, he's human, if that's what you mean. Well, the real one is."

"Hn?" Sanae raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean, 'real one' ?"

"That's CS. Or Common Sense, he prefers Common." Nitori explained, bandaging Oro's middle with great care. "He's actually a magically-created clone from the real new outsider, a person named Ryan Randa."

"A clone? As in Spell Card clone?" Sanae frowned. "But that's absurd. They're supposed to be brainless dummies, this one walks and talks independently." She furrowed her brow in thought…before quickly leaping to her feet. "…I smell a _deception!_"

Rika and CS were still arguing on their side.

"And furthermore-" Rika stopped short. There was a sound of whistling air. "…Ah?"

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, YOU SCOUNDREL!"

"Like," Common began, "who says 'scoundrel' any-"

_**SMASH!**_

"moooAAAAAAAAAAGH!" He freaked out, leaping into Rika's arms ala Scooby Doo when Sanae's weapon came crashing down into his previous place, an explosion of spiritual power cracking the earth. "Like, zoinks! What the _hell_, babe?"

"D-Don't call me 'babe', you foul incarnation!" Sanae snapped, glowering at him menacingly with a blush on her cheeks. "You won't deceive me!"

_**Swoosh!**_

"Yipe!" Common tore himself out of Rika's arms when a roundhouse kick flew through where his head had been. "Sana-babe, let's just, ah, let's just calm down-"

"_Take me to your foul master or face my wrath, demon!_"

CS yelped, leaping backwards when Sanae made to grab him.

"Um, Rika-babe?" He asked. "Yoo-hoo, clone totally in distress? Little help?"

"…" Rika grinned dangerously. Common inwardly groaned. "Well, I'm afraid my services are currently to Common Sense, the clone of a _photo heterotrophic _human."

_Oh, kindness of the world be dammed. _Common gulped. She turned away, arms linked behind her back.

"Since you insist that is _not _who you are, I'll just have to ignore your plea…" Rika smiled, humming innocently. "Shrine maiden, feel free to punish this infidel who would attempt to deceive and smooth talk you."

"Smooth talking?" CS echoed. "Oh come on, Rika-babe, we both know I'm just-"

_**Fssszzzt!**_

"YOOOOOOOOW!" CS leapt four meters into the air when a bust of danmaku from Sanae struck him in the seat of his pants. The injured area became white and cracked. Not wanting to be blown up via danmaku to the ass, CS decided to do the best thing he could do.

Run the hell _away._

"_Gyaaaaaaaaaaah…!_"The clone moved it as fast as his legs could propel him, Sanae close on his tail. Nitori came over to Rika, staring on in confusion at the scene that was unfolding.

"…She knows he's human." Nitori stated.

"Indeed." Rika nodded.

"She's just using this as an excuse for payback, isn't she?" Nitori asked again.

"Oh, you have _no_ idea." Rika smirked.

* * *

Me and Utsuho make our way over a heap of rubble. She still refuses to let me move on my own, and occasionally has her hands on my chest and back to keep me steady. Honestly, I know that I got stabbed twelve times and that kind of took it out of me, but for the last time…

"Jeez, Okuu, little elbow room?" I ask jokingly. She jumps a bit at my request, but reluctantly backs off. "I told you, don't worry! Just a Spell Card battle, yeah?" I roll my shoulder in its socket and jump around a few times for good measure. "Y'see? Good as new!"

"Um, okay." She nods, continuing up the slope. "As long as you're sure."

"Positive." I quickly respond, throwing in an overconfident grin for good measure. She smiles a bit at that, and we continue on our-

"GANGWAY!"

-…Common?

The clone comes racing over the hill, a series of light blue beams piercing the sky behind him. I thought he dealt with those soldiers already? And what's with the-

"_Pfffffft~!_"I throw my hands over my mouth to stifle my laugher. "C-Common…your backside, it's kind of-"

"I know, I know!" He groans, quickly racing behind me. "Let me save you the joke, dude. 'It's Guts Man, _BAH-NAAAAAAAAAAH!_' Now, like, help a brother out, okay?"

While he's partially hiding behind me, Okuu's looking off into the distance to see what had shot at him.

"Hm?" She mutters, eyes narrowed and wings flapping once. "…Oh! It's Sanae!"

"Sanae, what?" I ask, looking between her and my cowering familiar. "Who the heck is Sanae?"

"_Eiiiiiiiiiiii~!_"

_**FWWWWACK!**_

LONG AND WOODEN PAIN IN MY FACE.

_**Craasssshhh!**_

OH GOD, WHY.

"Eep!" Okuu yelped when this-this Sanae girl's weapon crashed into the side of my face and sent me reeling into a pile of rubble. From my position on my back, I could see her rushing up to Sanae to reprimand her. "S-Sanae, what are you doing? He's my friend!"

"Ha-HA!" Sanae laughed from where she was. "Lecherous mirror! You'll see know mercy from-" She stopped, suddenly recognizing Okuu. "Eh? Utsuho-san? What are you doing above ground? Is that guy with you?"

"That's Ryan, he's my friend, I met him last week!" Okuu exasperatedly explains. "We've been traveling together to stop a bunch of evil people from making trouble in Gensokyo!"

"Oh, the new incident?" Sanae asked, sniffing some. "Well, yeah, I know about that. That's why I cam down here, Kanako-sama sent me! She didn't say anything about you, though…are you sure you're supposed to be up here?"

Oh, to hell with it.

"Officer Randa." I groan, getting to my feet. "GPD. On authority of the Intergalactic House Of Pancakes, I.E. the Yakumos. That's Deputy Okuu, she's official."

"Yukari-sama, huh?" Sanae frowns, mulling this over. She eventually stops, pounding her fist into her hand. "Right!"

_**Woosh!**_

Urgh! When all of a sudden, wind! …Wait, are those air currents carrying her?

_**Whup!**_

"Gack!" I grunt, Sanae sweeping her arm upwards, and her breeze lifting me into the air. A figure loops their arms under mine, and I can see that it's CS. "…'Lecherous mirror', huh?"

CS just chuckles before whistling innocently.

"Let's swap information!" Sanae insists with a nod. "Kanako-sama gave me a bit of the story before I came down here, I think I could help you guys out a bit!"

* * *

"…Hm." Sanae nods after Utsuho's finished speaking. "Commander Iza, huh? Lady sounds like a real psychopath."

"Be it Joker or Megatron, psycho is as psycho does." I retort, elating a giggle out of the shrine maiden.

"See?" She asks. "This is why its nice to have someone else from the outside around!"

_**Like, NOT what you told me, Sana-babe****.**_ I hear CS groan inside my head.

After getting Rika and Nitori, we and the injured Oro took refuge inside their garage. Aya, surprisingly, was still knocked out in the corner. Oro himself was in a rope-suspended hammock against the wall.

"Where did you get the rope?" Sanae had asked.

"I got it from Rika." CS has responded.

"I got it from Utsuho." Rika continued.

"I got it from…" Utsuho had then trailed off. "…Unyuu. I-I still don't know, I'm sorry."

The result was me facepalming.

So, following shenanigans, CS had been reabsorbed into me, and we all set down for a storytelling session while Nitori had insisted on preparing some food. Okuu had wanted to help, saying she wanted to show me what a good cook she was, but we all agreed that the village was destroyed enough.

"I can't get over that eye, though." I frowned. "When me and Okuu spotted it, Iza looked…well, terrified."

"She calmed down real quick when she saw we didn't know anything about it, though." Utsuho chimed in, thumb and index finger to her chin. "But before that…unyuu. I don't know, Ryan, did she say something? I thought she did."

"Yeah." I reply. "I caught that, too."

"_**No…it's not…Ku, I can't…Nami, and it was…" **_

"Ku…and Nami." I echo back. Those were definitely someone's names, but… "But who the heck are Ku and Nami, and why would they be relevant to her freakout session?"

"Excuse me, youngsters."

We all snap our heads up towards the hammock. Great Scott, not only was the elder awake, he'd woken up when Aya still hasn't! That old guy's got some nerves of steel!

"You said Ku and Nami? And that woman…she was from Sasa's breed, yes?" He asks. We all nod or reply in the affirmative. He sighs and hangs his head. "…Oh, dear. I guess she was a soldier who never got over it."

"Oro-sama!" Nitori gasps, seeming mostly relieved that her elder's back in action. "B-But what do you mean?

"I was there, back then." He sighed, sitting up and rubbing his temples. "…Listen up, youngsters. Old Oro's gonna share with you the end of the Sasa - Yakumo Conflict."

* * *

_**Time: Roughly two centuries ago…**_

"…Oro! ORO!" A large human snapped over his shoulder, clutching his bleeding middle. The small kappa boy yelped when he was addressed. "Come on, kid! Give me a sword!"

"But mister, you're…" A glare from the man shut him up quickly. "O…Okay!"

The rain crashed down hard, flickers of lighting the most light the night had seen thus far. Humans and youkai of the surrounding forest had banned together to fight off the Sasa Warrior Sanctum. Leading the assault on the human village was Commander Nami, The Onyx Impaler. The humans and youkai on their own were doing a fairly effective job fighting them on their own, but many of them had never known war before that. If it weren't for their two leaders, they likely would have been bested by now.

_**CLANG!**_

Those two, called Eight Blessings and The Crimson Shadow, Ran and the Sasa Tactician Ku alone were the only ones amongst their forces who could fight Nami on even terms.

"That…won't be enough!" Ran roared, her claymore screeching against Nami's naginata. The fox's eight tails lashed out, smashing hard into the Commander's stomach and forcing her back. "Nami, I will protect these people! _I will preserve this village!_"

There was a roar of cheers from the humans nearby upon her words. Their strength renewed, they began to fight even harder against the sparrow soldiers and actually beginning to overpower them.

Nami's eyes narrowed.

_**WOOOOSSSHHH!**_

_**Crrrrrr-ACK!**_

…And just like that, the human forces were all knocked away, only some of the youkai having the reaction time to avoid it as a massive, black shockwave ripped through the earth like a tremor. Upon the shouts of fear and shock, the sparrow soldiers took the initiative to charge forward, spears thrusting wildly at the air.

"Protect them now, mankind's deity." Nami hissed behind her mask. Oro, looking on from where he had been hidden by the humans and youaki, looked behind him. There, in a huddled pile, were the human women and children, the children shivering and crying while their mothers attempted to comfort them while the younger girls chattered in fear and confusion.

Oro looked to all the weapons he had refined and tempered since the battle began. He was meant to restock the troops, but if all else failed he…was the last line of defense.

"NAAAMIIIIIIIII!" A furious cry echoed above the shouts and sounds of battle. A figure in a red cape leaped high into the air, drawing a katana from his waist. He became as a beam of light, a red streak crashing down on Nami's naginata in a ferocious clash of blades. "The Master has made peace with Yukari! There is no need for this nonsense, _stand down!_"

"He is a fool. A _traitor_." Nami growled, lashing out with her arm to strike Ku. However, he had already darted to her side, launching a kick into her ribs. "Rrrrrgh…! Ku, this is pointless! You cannot defeat me, you possess no powers beyond your skill!"

"And my skill exceeds yours, Nami…" He retorted, whipping around a kick in kind from her and attempting to punch her in the side of her head, which her blade countered. "That is why you can't win! I won't stop, you know this better than most!"

"_I know it better than anyone!_"Nami roared, her elbow smashing into Ku's head and getting him away from her. However, the tactician flipped to his feet, sword at the ready once more. "Just as I know _you! _…Ku, please, stop this resistance. Do you _want_ your kin to despise you?"

"They may despise me, they may mock me…hell, they may curse my bones when I'm dead and gone, I don't care!" Ku retorted, giving his katana a test swing. "But one day in the future…one day, when they may coexist with the rest of Gensokyo with mutual feelings of friendship, with trust and hope…one day, when Sasa Sanctuary stands tall amongst its neighbors…that, Nami, is the day I will gladly bleed for!"

"…" Nami's head hung, her fists clenched tightly. "…Idiot. Idiot, idiot, _idiot!_" She raised her weapon with fury in her eyes, albeit her arms were trembling. "I care little for my former Master, _our _former Master, but Ku…do not make me kill you. Do not give me reason to regret this day."

"Then stand down." Ku demanded.

"I will not." Nami retorted. The exchange was what they both dreaded, but what they had expected.

"Very well." Ku scoffed, twirling his katana. "That's all there is to it."

"Then…allow me to wear your blood." Nami spoke lowly, stepping forward. Ku's eyes widened in shock, but Nami continued her approach, her arm extended towards him as if expecting him to hand her something. "Allow me…the honor of being the last to see you alive. Give me the right to share in your last breath."

"…Take it," Ku crouched in his stance, "if you can."

"Your life is _mine! KUUUUUUUU!_"Nami called, her blade whistling through the air as she charged forth.

_**CLANG! Skreeee…**_

Again, however, Ran's claymore stopped Nami's blade.

"Hi. I was busy ensuring the villagers' safety." Ran smirked, pressing hard against Nami. "You didn't miss me too much, did you, dear?"

"Fooooooooooox…" Nami uttered in a low growl. "Your time here is ended, begone!"

"I can't do that!" Ran shook her head. "You won't get past me, Nami! Accept it while you can!"

"Fine!" Nami snapped, raising her naginata. "Then I will go _through you!_"

_**Crk!**_

The naginata fell to the ground, bouncing once before laying at rest.

"Ah?" Nami yelped. Her arms were locked in a Full Nelson. She looked over her shoulder…and saw Ku looking back into her eyes. "K-Ku? When…how did you-?"

Oro blinked, looking out from his makeshift bunker. Something was wrong…or maybe right? He could see Nami caught in Ku's firm grip, and for all her mighty thrashing, she was unable to escape. Ku could be seen shouting something towards Ran. The fox stepped backwards in shock. He repeated whatever he said, but she shook her head. However, she didn't back away that time.

Nami, in that moment, looked afraid.

Ku gave whatever order he was giving once more, Nami shouting at him over her shoulder, still looking fearful. Ran hung her head sadly, and lowered her palms to her side. Something began to build up between them…an orb of surging magic.

"-!" Oro quickly threw himself over a few children who had come up behind him to watch. "_Get down!_"

_**BER-KOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!**_

The air was filled with a white beam that sent a shuddering roar into the air. The only thing in that moment that was louder than the screaming laser…

…was Nami's final cry of fury and agony.

* * *

"…And that was the end of it." Oro shrugged. "For my efforts, I was commended by Miss Yakumo and named the next elder to the kappa tribe once our elder bit the dust. The dragon rest his soul…"

"So…that was it, then?" Okuu asks. "Ku and that Nami…they both…"

"I managed to get a wolven tengu buddy of mine to check the scents of the ashes that were left behind. A few scorched feathers were identified as Ku's, and a bit of the ash was laden with the scent of Nami's blood." Oro nodded. "Their remains were given a burial, I heard, a little ways across the Bamboo Forest from the Human Village."

Woah…dude, that was…I mean…

It's pretty clear what happened. Ku knew he had to take Nami out, so…he got her in his grip, and asked Ran to wipe them both out. Jeez, I never once considered how things must have been before the Spell Card system. …I-I'm really blessed to be in the Gensokyo of today, there's no doubt about that.

"I can't believe it…" I muttered. "So that means… Iza's gotta be a leftover from Nami's forces that fought in that battle?"

"So it would seem." Oro sighed. "Yukari beat their Master, so they had to play by her terms. Although I'd heard that Nami's followers were forced to be rehabilitated, it's possible that one of them just couldn't get over it."

"A shame…" Rika frowned. "But, perhaps it is a relative? Oro, does Iza look anything like Nami did?"

"Hard to say. Nami always wore a facemask and wore her bangs over both her eyes." Oro explained, scratching his head. "Still, black feathers is black feathers. It's possible. Not to mention that Nami was always calm and collected. While that girl had traces of it, she was definitely looking to avenge _someone _in her anger."

I frown some at this. Great, no wonder Iza has an axe to grind with me and Okuu, especially if we remind her of the people who killed off one of her own. If not, an anarchist soldier can be just as dangerous. We'll need to play it carefully.

"All those sparrow youkai who came with Iza…they were maybe a head taller than your average fairy." I say, shaking my head. "It's unbelievable to imagine them causing a borderline-war like that."

_**Looks can be deceiving, boss. **_I heard CS. _**If you want further proof, like, look to your left.**_

Wha? But Utsuho's the only one to my lef- Ohhhhhhh.

That's right. Okuu's an adorably lovable, happy-go-lucky raven girl with odd little personality quirks and a go-getter attitude. And yet behind that innocent look is the raw power of nuclear fusion, the inherited strength of a fallen _god_, for crying out loud. I only get an occasional taste of that power, and it puts me on "full", and I've seen it used on others. …Hell, if someone like her is so much more than she appears, who am I to say those sparrow youkai can't be a legitimate threat?

"Um…Ryan?"

I shoot up a good foot or so from my seat. I didn't realized that Utsuho noticed me staring at her!

"It's, uh, it's nothing, Utusho." I mutter, scratching the side of my face. "Sorry, erm, for staring I mean."

"Hee-hee…"

Eh? I look up towards Oro. …Oi! What's with the shit-eating grin on his face? He looks like he's just heard the best joke in his life!

"Is…something funny?" I ask.

"Eh-heh…ah, kids these days." He shakes his head. He then looks over to Nitori. "…Lissen, Nitori, I'm sorry I worried you."

Nitori looks towards the ground where she is sitting, hat pulled down over her face.

"I was keeping watch like you all had asked, then I got distracted when that tengu girl showed up, and that Iza woman just snuck up on me!" Oro exclaimed, tossing his hands up for emphasis. "…You can forgive this ol' fogey for loosing focus for a few moments, can't you?"

_**Clutch!**_

In a moment, Nitori's clinging to the old kappa, who just smiles wistfully.

"Oro-jii, I thought you were gonna die…" Nitori blubbers. The old kappa runs a hand up and down her back comfortingly. "…you just had a medical procedure done today, and then that horrible woman hits you like that…!"

"There there, kiddo." He smiles weakly. "I think these old bones can handle a kick or two."

I look over to Utsuho, who has just let out a teary, sniffling sound.

…Oh my god, this is rich. She's got her hands all balled up in front of her face with starry, watery eyes! It's a face that absolutely _screams _"that's so beautiful!" Oh, I wish had my camera…

_**Clap!**_

"Alright!" Rika claps her hands together to get our attention. She gets up from her seat, taking a moment to stretch. "I'd say that's enough story time for one night. Nitori-chan has to get some sleep to help resettle the kappas who evacuated, I'm spent, and you two," she pointed at me and Okuu, "you've had a nice big helping of day-saving. Don't you think you should get some sleep after that?"

…Erm…already?

…

D-…Do I _have_ to?

"What about Aya?" I ask, jutting my thumb at the tengu. "Even if she's still crazy or not, she's not going to like being tied up to a pole either way."

"I'll stick around to make sure nothing happens!" Sanae quickly answers with a wink. "Don't worry: any attempt at violence will be met with a peaceful extermination!"

…

There is so much _wrong_ with that one statement that I fear diving into it lest I never find the surface again. So I'll just go to bed, instead.

"I think we should get some sleep." Utsuho agrees with Sanae, coming up behind me. "We still have one more place to go for now, remember?"

Yeah…Eientei. Alice recommended it to us.

"Yeah, that'll be a long walk." I concede, stretching my back for all it's worth. "Ah… Alright, I give." I stand up, clapping my hands together. "Show me the futons."

* * *

…

…

Zzzz…?

…

Okay, it's no good. I can't sleep.

"Ugh…" I groan, slapping a hand to my face. Unbelievable. After all of the tiring crap I've been through these past several days, I can't _sleep_, of all things? _Really? _"Unbelievable…"

"…No, I…"

-! Was that Okuu just now?

I turn on my side on the futon I'd been given in the corner of the garage, Utusho taking hers up a good seven feet from my own.. Rika headed down to the lab to turn in while Sanae went off with Oro and Nitori hours ago. I've been trying to sleep, but…I keep waking up. And, from the glowing eye hidden under the covers over there, it looks like I'm not the only one.

"…Utsuho!" I call softly. No reaction. "…Okuu! You awake over there?"

"Hm?" Finally! Utusho's head peaks out from the covers, the Yatagarasu's eye lighting up a portion of the room above her. "Ryan? Oh…did I wake you up?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if I woke you up!" I admit with a shrug. "For the life of me, I can't sleep."

"Me neither." She nods in agreement…before looking to the side some. "Well…I can, but I don't stay asleep."

"What, nightmares or something?" I ask. …Yeah right. Like the Hell Raven's gonna have-

Eh? She's nodding?

"Uh-huh." She says, clutching at her covers with a look of shame. "I keep waking up when it gets really bad… Yasora's been trying to get me to calm down, but I-"

"Yasora?" I echo. "Who's…is that the Yatagarasu's name?"

"Yeah-huh!" She exclaims with a smile. "She likes to be referred to by title though, so…Oop!" She covers her mouth. "I…wasn't supposed to tell you that."

I laugh some, grab a small cleaning cloth that's sitting on the floor nearby, and chuck it at her.

"Okuu you need to relax!" I smile. "From the sound of it, Yasora's telling you the same thing!"

"Oof!" She grunts when the cloth lands on her head in a loose ball. "You meanie. …I know I should be calmer, but…"

"But what?" I ask. "What could be so bad about a dream that it'd scare you? You, the might Hell Raven who holds the power of the nuclear sun!"

I say this while planting my hands on my hips like she had during her battle with Aya. Mere seconds later, the cleaning cloth smacks me dead in the face.

"Nyeeeh." She sticks her tongue out before giggling. "Thank you, I…I needed that." She sighs some. "It's just…in this nightmare, I…"

I wait to hear what she has to say. A few moments pass, but it doesn't look like she'll be talking.

"…Um. Ryan!" She calls in a cheery voice. "So, you know how I have Third Leg and Yasora, and today we found out where your sword comes from…"

"I wouldn't have believed it if the old man didn't confirm it." I quickly butt in.

"…but I still don't know where your other thing comes from!" She says. …Other thing? She can't mean CS, so… I motion towards my buster pistol propped up against the wall. "Yeah! That! Your mini control rod! Where'd you get it?"

Heh, guess Rika was wrong. Story time round two! FIGHT!

"Well, Okuu, this isn't a control rod. It's not meant to be used as a tool, it's a weapon-a gun." I begin, taking it from its spot against the wall. "This gun isn't exactly mine, though. It was given to me by someone very special…my grandfather."

"Your grampa gave you that?" Okuu asks with wide eyes. "Unyuu…I never knew my grampa! Tell me more, please!"

"Alright, alright. …It doesn't start off a happy story, though." I admit, setting myself in for the long haul. "You see, Utsuho…I kind of envy you. You and your family in the underground, you guys seem inseparable, unshakable. My family…wasn't that way." I sit up against my folded jacket and shirt, which I'm using as a pillow of sorts. I light up my scar so that Okuu can see the gun better. "My dad was unfaithful. Ever since I was a kid, I saw him and mom arguing about him looking at…well, certain inappropriate imagery. He actually blamed it on my older brother at first…"

I take a moment to chuckle at the memory before continuing.

"Anyway, mom wasn't much better. She was an alcoholic. …Not like onis, like we know. Mom couldn't handle her beer. Not to mention she had three kids to take care of, but was more than content to pass out on the bed and leave us to fend for ourselves. I actually had to break into my own house once after I'd been sitting outside for a few hours waiting for her to come back. Little did I know she never left, she was just…yeah." I finish haphazardly, but continue on. "Eventually, my dad started getting violent. He never hit my sister, he knew he's get locked up like nothing if he did. He smacked around my brother until he was twenty, at which point he socked my old man good in the face before moving out. Of course, then he started on me. My mom was sick and tired of his crap, so she filed for divorce."

"Divorce?" Okuu asked.

"It means two married people -well, mates I guess a youkai would call it- decide to separate, usually for good." I explain. At this, Okuu actually shudders some. I raise an eyebrow. "What's up?"

"That's so…wrong, though." She mutters. "Ravens mate for life, we always have. You mean humans don't do that, too?"

"We're a sinful bunch." I finally decide to say. "Anyway, dad sent mom money, but she went right into spending it on expensive beers. We were going to lose our house, my sister was in college, and my brother wouldn't let me stay with him. …But then he came along."

"Your…grampa?" Okuu asks, beginning to smile.

"You got it." I grin. "He saw what his daughter was doing, and he wouldn't let me suffer for her mistakes. Tata Larry, we called him, or just Tata. He took me straight to his place in Tucson, and swore that, as long as he had a piece of bread, I'd have a part of it."

"Bread?" Okuu asked.

"Money, food, whatever." I clarify. "Eventually, he got me into shooting. I started off small, hitting empty cans out at his property in the desert, eventually moved up to moving targets, he helped me every step of the way. He was humble, but he tried to act tough. A real role model, always giving and telling me what I needed to have or hear, even though Nana had died a year or two before. He was my role model, my hero."

I notice at this point that, while I've said this, I've held my Buster to my chest with pride.

"Ah, that's wonderful!" Okuu smiles. Her smile suddenly falters. "Wait, he…was?"

I sigh, lowering my gun. This is always the hardest part for me.

"He was an old man, Utsuho. Even when I got there, he…" I shake my head, feeling my voice catch in my throat. The corners of my eyes begin to sting, but I wipe my face and muscle through it. "…it was a case of sudden cardiac arrest. He'd been working at the property that day, it was so hot out, and he was working so hard…his heart just…gave out on him. Even as strong as he was, he…"

I have to stop now. I need a minute to…to compose myself, here.

"I was there…when he went." I continue. "I remember he was smiling. He kept saying to keep my chin up, that if I stayed strong he was leaving me something good. I managed to keep it in until he was gone. …The day after the next, I was contacted by his banker. That is, the person who manages his money. They showed me his will. He had left me both a few thousand dollars and his gun."

I hold up the Buster.

"This old, faithful thing that he always used when we went shooting. Never shot a single bullet more than he needed, and never let a day go by without wiping it off." I explain. With that part of the story finished, I lean back again. "Two years later, I had an apartment and a job. Yukari whisked me away, and…well, here I am."

I look back towards Utsuho. Her face is a mesh of undeterminable emotion, but there's one thing I can say for sure: she listened to every word I said.

"What happened to you mom?" She asked. "And your dad?"

"Mom got arrested. Three DUIs-that is, three charges of driving while intoxicated." I shrug. "My old man got caught for domestic violence. Funny, they spent so much time pointing the finger at each other, and they both ended up criminals."

Okuu nods some. She looks around a little.

_**Scuff!**_

"Eh?" I blink when she moves her futon closer to mine. "Okuu, what's-"

I stop immediately when her arms fold around my upper body and her wings curl around my sides.

"…I shouldn't have asked." She mutters. I can bring myself to do nothing but stare, no clue how to react. "Thank you for telling me this. It makes me think you really trust me."

"…Hey, don't talk like that!" I exclaim in a mock pout, pulling her off of me. "Okuu, if there's anyone I trust more than myself, it's you. After you, it's Yukari. But only you guys. There's no need to talk like that, okay?"

"…" She looks up at me. "The nightmare."

…She's gonna talk, huh? …Alright, fine.

"Go ahead, Utsuho." I say. "I'm listening."

"…When Iza started disappearing and reappearing all over the place, and then when she reappeared next to me…" I remember that. That really pissed me off… "…Ryan, you don't know how scared I was."

"Of Iza?" I ask. She shakes her head.

"For you. When she stabbed you, I mean. Your body, it-it was getting cold. Yasora was telling me you were going into shock, that it was really dangerous. You were just looking at nothing, shaking all over, wide-eyed and not blinking. I tried calling you, but you couldn't hear me. I tried hugging you, it didn't work. Your body just kept getting a little colder, and I didn't know what to do! Even putting my energy into your body, taking it away, nothing was working!" …Was I in shock for that long? To me, it seemed like half a minute, but…maybe it was longer? "I-I thought I screwed up! I thought you were a goner, and I couldn't do anything to help you! When you grabbed my shoulder and pulled yourself up, it…it was the biggest relief I've had since Satori and Rin told me they'd never be angry at me after I went crazy."

Wow, I…didn't think I was this important to anyone. Still, I'll keep my mouth shut.

"Iza…when she appeared right next to me…she said 'Remember that fear. Next time, it won't be a game. I'll gut him for real, and you'll watch every second. I'll destroy him, then I'll watch you destroy yourself'…"

…Oh good lord. That-that complete, cowardly bitch! She planted this in Okuu's head because she couldn't stand losing fair and square!

"Okuu, that's not going to happen." I insist, grabbing both her shoulders firmly. "You've got my back and I've got yours. We can handle anything-"

"I couldn't catch her!"

Her shout stuns me into silence. A few moments later, I work up the nerve to respond.

"…What?"

"She was so fast, Ryan, I-I couldn't do anything! One moment she was on the ground, then the roof, then next to me, then the roof again! I couldn't keep up, I couldn't stop her!" She begins to sob a little. "She could have appeared right next to you and stabbed you again-this time not in the Spell Card rules! I freaked out when I realized it, but she was already gone…if-if I wasn't so dumb I might've reacted sooner! I might have stopped her!"

"But it's okay," I insist, her words tugging at my heartstrings. "That didn't happen! We're both safe, so there's no need to-"

"She could be anywhere in a second! She even got a feather on me! What if she did that again, and I was close to you, then she showed up and…and did it?"

Please…Okuu, stop saying these kind of-!

"How can Yukari-san expect me to protect you if I can't even figure out something so _simple?_"

"_ENOUGH!_"

We both fall quiet. …I never thought I could yell like that.

…

"…I'm sorry." I manage to choke out. "Please, just…talk to me. We'll get through this."

She leans against me again. I'm prepared to return the embrace, this time.

"…In my nightmare, we were together." She begins. "We were in the reactor. Satori-sama, Orin, Flan-chan, Nitori-chan, everyone who I care about was there." She sniffles before continuing. "It-It got late. Satori-sama and everybody else decided to leave, but I still had to work. But you…didn't go. You said that you wanted to stay with me, that you wanted to leave the reactor with me, so you'd wait until I was done."

She pauses here, I continue to listen.

"I worked, and I worked, and you watched me. We laughed, we talked, it was so great… After I was finished, we were getting ready to leave, and it meant a lot to me, so I gave you a big hug." She stopped here, trembling. "…There was a feather on my arm. _She_ showed up right there, she took your sword and…and…!"

She here begins to shudder, so, I tighten my grip. It's pretty obvious that this is the part where Iza kills me.

"But you weren't dead yet! So she started swinging you around on your sword, laughing and laughing! I flew after her, begging her to give you back, but she wasn't listening. She just disappeared when I got close, and showed up on the other side! I went after her, and she did it again!" She was in hysterics at this point. "I was crying for Satori-sama, for Orin, for anyone to help me, because I couldn't save you! Then she got bored, and…and…"

I feel wetness spreading against my chest as she clutches my arms tighter than ever. It hurts, but, I'm not about to show it.

"…she just smiled at me and dropped you into the core! You were burning and I tried to reach you, but she got in my way every time! I finally got past her, but…it was too late. You…were already gone."

That's…pretty graphic. Even I can't imagine that happening to me, and I've faced Flandre-freaking-Scarlet head-on, before. The more I think about what Okuu's just described, I…the more I get the chills.

"She said she's gonna come back for you. She's gonna make me watch, she's gonna come back…!" The raven whimpers. "If I stopped her, you'd be safe, but…I let her get away, and now she's out there, and she can come back so easily!"

"Ustuho." I begin firmly. "I let Iza get away."

"…Uh?" She brushes a tear away. "But I-"

"You were counting on me as a leader, and I screwed up. That's all there is too it." I explain, doing my best to maintain an authoritative tone. "It's my job to catch them, not yours. I couldn't stop Chino from ambushing you. I couldn't keep you from having to fight Aya alone. Okuu, if you really think that nothing could come from my mistakes and everything could come from yours, how does that work when I've made more mistakes than you have?"

She stays quiet, listening to me.

"I accused Alice. I let Chino run us around like idiots. I didn't pay attention to the turret. I wasn't careful in Rika's lab. I wasn't focused in the fight with Iza. I was too curious about her eye to keep her from escaping." I list them off, each one feeling like a dagger to my lungs when I think about how each one has lead to Utsuho being in this state. "It's my responsibility, Utsuho. If anything happens, you can hold your head up high knowing you did the absolute best you could, because you've done nothing but that so far. You've saved me, what, six times? You've pulled me out of emotional slumps. And now you're crying over what would likely be another screwup of my own making as if it was your fault?"

I lean over her shoulder to speak in her ear.

"You _know_ the only reason I'm technically in charge is because of Yukari. You're the heart of this team, Ustuho. For all the talk about what you did before, you're kind, outgoing, hardworking, generous, attentive, innocent, and…well, damnit, adorable in general." I manage to get out. "So…please stop crying. Especially over me. You've got no idea how it feels to see someone like you looking like this."

For a few moments, we sit there in silence.

"…I'm not going to be comfortable," Okuu begins shakily, "not until I know you're safe. …Satori-sama is like a mama to me, and Rin's like my big sister. They're my family, I love them. But that makes you my best friend, my best friend in the whole wide world. I can't be okay until I know Iza can't touch you."

"Well, then, what are we waiting for?" I joke. "The sooner we get some sleep, the sooner we can head to Eientei, the sooner we make Iza and her flunkies pay for making you cry."

"Unyuu. _And_ threatening you." Okuu insists with a pout.

"Sure, why not?" I smile. I got that way after that stunt Chino pulled, I suppose. We separate, and Okuu bashfully offers me her cape to get the wetness of tears off my chest. I shake my head and playfully shove her back into her futon.

She moves her futon a foot or two away from my own, but refuses to move any further. She looks up towards me in a pleading way, and I nod. If it'll help her get to sleep, I'll do anything.

A few minutes later, my anxiety has left, and I feel sleep finally giving me some relief. I look over to my partner, who is fast asleep. And this time, no nightmares.

Utsuho, you're…you're my best friend, too.

* * *

"Hm." Rika looks away from her monitor. She was worried those two would cause a ruckus, but it seemed the fires had been quelled. For now, anyway. "Heh. Best friend, my foot. You aren't fooling anyone, Utsuho!"

Grinning mischievously to herself, she walked over to the panel where the ATEN was resting. …Nitori was right. This looked even more like some kinda arm-mounted cannon even more than Third Leg did, and that was saying something!

"Hm." She hummed, looking it over. "Seeing as those two will be spending so much time together, I better safeguard this thing from such continuous emissions." Rika here snorts. "First I safeguard it against nuclear emissions, which are dangerous to everyone but one person, now I have to guard it against solar emissions, which are dangerous to only one person in special circumstances."

Rika sighed some, looking over her shoulder. What she was looking at was a massive, round figure under a brown tarp.

"…Still, I…have to do it." She smiled sadly. She moved over to her desk to pick up her wrench. "Gensokyo made its point that day, magic and karma are the norm. Hopefully once I've paid my sins back, I won't be just looking at a lump under a tarp anymore…"

She stopped suddenly, shooting up in her stance.

"…Aaaaand, I've been talking to myself this entire time." She chuckled bitterly and made for her desk once more. "Wonderful."

_**Errrrrt!**_

Rika froze. Something had moved.

"…Nitori-chan? Yeesh," Rika rolled her eyes, beginning to turn around, "you know you can always kno-"

Nobody was there.

"…" Rika here cringed some. Don't tell me it's another looter… "Alright, whoever you are! Even if the elder's incapacitated, you know the rules! You can't steal other's equipment to further your own projects, now scram!"

No response. Not even the sign of someone running to hide.

"Did I imagine it…?" She whispered. She waited a few minutes, and nothing happened. "…Huh. I guess I'm just that tired."

She turned back towards where she left the wrench.

"Oh, come on!" She yelled, seeing that the item was gone from where she left it. "Clone, if that's you, so help me I will send you back to Ryan's body in pieces!"

_**Tmp!**_

Rika froze when something cold and solid was set softly on her shoulder. Without looking, she picked it up.

It was her wrench.

"…**Kaaaaah…**"

Rika jumped some at the sound. She knew where she heard it from, but…but that just wasn't possible. …Right?

"…**Ree…kah… Ree-kah…**"

Rika turned around. She slowly walked up to the source of the sound. Hand trembling, she began to lift it towards the obstacle in her way. With a grunt and a swift yank, Rika tore off the tarp.

A gigantic eye was looking down at her tiredly.

"**Ree-kah…?**"A small, green tentacle carefully rose up from the pitch-black orb and lightly poked her face.

Rika let her wrench fall from her hands, rattling against the ground with an unheard clang.

"…You're…awake." She slowly began to smile, moisture forming at the corner of her eyes. "S-Sigma…you're alive again?"

The gigantic, orbular creature rumbled some in a sound that almost resembled a purr. In a moment's passing, the scientist had dropped everything she was holding and threw her arms around it.

* * *

"Okay! Clothes!"

"Check!"

"Weapons! Control Rod!"

"Two-check!"

"Food!"

"Three-check!"

"…Food that's not sweets or boiled eggs."

"…Unyuu. Uncheck."

Well, it's time for us to head off! Nitori already checked out Third Leg this morning. Okuu had a little lecture from Yasora about not doing things she explicitly tells Okuu to _not_ do, and CS was yammering on in my head for minutes at a time.

"Look, Common, it's not that I don't appreciate having a familiar, or shikigami, or whatever. I do, honestly." I mutter quietly. "But it makes it really hard to pay attention to what's going on around me if you don't shut up!"

_**But I'm totally your voice of ****reason****, dude! **_He chirped back in my mind. _**You should, like, ****always**** listen to me!**_

Well, that's one fight I'm not winning anytime soon.

_**Totally, dude.**_

Quiet. Go sleepy-bye now.

_**Shyeah, that's cool. Wake me when we're on the road, kay? Offskies!**_

…Yeah, let's file that under "things I won't be doing." Whoa, that's a _big_ file!

Anyways, all other stupidity taken care of, there's one more thing that should be covered. Speaking of, I'll go see her right now.

I make my way back into the garage. Rika's there in the corner, talking with an awake, unbound Aya.

"…And you're certain you no longer have any of these desires?" Rika asked.

"Yep!" Aya smiled. She then looked towards me. "…Oh, Gensokyo's Import! Good morning!"

Damnit. / "**Like, damn**"

"…Yeah, we can talk about that later, Aya." I insist, putting up my hands. "So, you're certain you don't recall where they took you?"

"Nope! I don't even feel like it was against my will!" She shrugged. "At the time, what I was doing felt like things I genuinely wanted to do, even though they never interested me before."

"Well, from the sound of it, you were abducted. That much, I'm sure of." Rika nodded. "In any case, are you alright to lead us to the Bamboo Forest!"

"Sure thing!" Aya grinned with a salute. "Gensokyo's reporter number-one is going to make sure she answers to society for her bizarre actions she herself still doesn't get!"

"You just want the news story." Me and Rika simultaneously deadpan.

"Aw, you sweeties!" She giggles, waving us off. "You know me so well, don't you?"

"Too well." Me and Rika simultaneously deadpan.

"Okay, Ryan, I got more food-food." Comes Okuu's voice as she comes into the garage. She looks towards Rika. "You know, you really don't have to come with us, Rika-san! We can handle it!"

"Oh-ho, no." My fellow human shakes her head adamantly. "A scientist worth her salt would never let a chance for research this golden pass her by. Whether you guys like it or not, I'm tagging along."

"Alright." I sigh. "…But do you _really_ have to bring _that_ thing?"

I point towards the large sack on her back. The tip of the ATEN peeks out of it.

"Huh! I slaved on this all night so that you and the raven could be in close proximity when she starts using it!" Rika huffed. "You should be kissing my toes for all that work, Randa!"

…Well, isn't _that_ a little-

"Actually? Make Common do it." Rika grins. "I'd give anything to see that know-it-all smug mug slip a little."

…As I was thinking, isn't _that_ a little creepy?

_**Dude, boss-man? Like, please never leave me alone with her.**_

No worries. I wouldn't ever do anything to me that I wouldn't do to myself. Anywho, it's a shame Sanae had to leave before we woke up, I would have loved to share some more outsider humor with her while everyone stared on cluelessly. The latter is the best part of it!

"So, we're all set!" I say for clarification.

"Come on, you guys!" Aya laughs. "I can get us there by mid-day if we move quick!"

"After you, oh mutant leader." Rika jokes. It's all good humor, I get it.

"Mm-hm!" Utsuho comes up right next to me, staring at me expectantly. "You're in charge, Ryan. What do we do?"

I stare at her blankly.

"…Um. The thing we were going to do anyway?"

_**Wham!**_

YES! For once, a facefall that is not me! No, a facefall enacted by everyone _besides_ me!

"Awesome." I grin to myself, pumping my fist once. "Alright, guys, let's get a move on!"

Aya flies over to a door leading outside and kicks it open. It is only then the Rika points towards the already-opened garage, which causes our good reporter to come back to us in a dejected manner.

I begin making my way to the outside, Ustuho never more than two steps away from me, while Rika and Aya trail behind.

Finally, we're getting to the last leg of this whole thing! With Iza stomped and Chino whooped, maybe the big man will have the guts to show his face!

* * *

A single figure looked on from the edge of Kappa Vllage, taking careful precaution to not get in the turret's firing range. He saw them all leaving the area: Ryan, Utsuho, that scientist who helped them, and Miss Shameimaru. …That was good. They succeeded after all.

He wondered if he should approach them now, he wondered if they would listen to him. But seeing as how Iza so greatly screwed with them, it'd probably be a bad idea.

"Fine, then." He nodded. "I have something to take care of anyway…"

He turned away, shooting one last look at the still-being-repaired village…and shuddered.

"She shouldn't be doing this…" He muttered. "something needs to be done. Randa and Reiui are too far from the truth, and the Shrine Maiden and Ordinary Witch are trailing too far behind."

Spinning on his heels, Chino darted back into the forest.

_Which means it's up to me!_

* * *

…**WHOO! Wham, bam, THANK YOU MA'AM! Finally, the midarc is bought to a close! So many things have happened in this several-chapter event…and don't get me wrong, it was tough! Still, thank you all for sticking it out through the very end. A few months shy of a year later, readers, and look where we are! Twenty seven chapters in, a fairly large following -by your efforts, you wonderful people- and the story's getting into full swing with a whopping two hundred reviews! You all have been so wonderful throughout it all, you're what brings your Sasquatch back, guns blazing, for more!**

**At this point, we can finally begin to nurture Ryan and Okuu's partnership a little more. He knows her story, now she knows his. I think you all know where I'm heading with these two-it's not like I'm trying to keep it a grand secret. Though, I wonder, who will realize it first? That's always the meat and potatoes, isn't it? And yes, the Yatagarasu's name is Yasora. I picked it up from the webcomic: Touhou Nekokayou. For being a Walfas product, it's extremely well-done and they best fandom continuity you'll find anywhere. Well worth looking up!  
**

**The truth of Ryan's purpose is out: the Yakumos are looking to adopt, and it seems he's what they're looking for! And now he's up against Ran's old enemies with her old sword… What is Yukari playing at with this, exactly?**

**Rika's coming along for the ride, folks! But why is this, I wonder? We know the creature hidden in the lab was Evil Eye Sigma, Rika's ultimate tank, so…why did she seem so shocked when he came back to life? Why was he dead to begin with, couldn't she have just repaired him? Those sins she was speaking of, what's the deal? Yep, this is a whole new can of worms, readers.**

**Finally, some words from experience from a man who was there when Ran made her crowning achievement that cemented her place as Yukari's chosen shikigami! The Onyx Impaler Nami did battle with Ku, the Crimson Shadow, and "Eight Blessings" Ran, as she was known to the people back then, and Ku had to pull a desperate move to stop her. Jeez, she seemed pretty damn merciless. Why on earth does Iza seem to admire her?**

…**Wait, hold on a damn second. That's _Chino_ at the end there! What the hell is he on about? …He's going to oppose his people? One must wonder why the sudden change of heart, and for _him_ of all characters...  
**

**Next time on Average Joe in Bullet Hell, Chino can't fight this battle alone…and so he finds help in the place that you would **_**least**_** expect it to ever come from! Meanwhile, we see the three other teams in their various shenanigans! Meiling and Sakuya having some a-maze-ing troubles, a peaceful dinner at the home of Byakuren with Yuyuko and Youmu, and Reimu and Marisa slowly gain on our heroes by beating the answers out of whoever can provide!**

**Next time: "The Fifth Team!"**

**This is Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!**


	28. Intermission

**SOMEWHERE, IN THE VOID BETWEEN ALL REALMS OF THE MULTIVERSE...**

* * *

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..." Ryan snored lightly, his head resting against Utsuho's shoulder. The two slept peacefully against a single tree breaking a vast, grassy plain. A leaf brushed under the human's nose and, the tickling too much too ignore, he decided to wake. "Ahhhhhhhhh...man, what a good sleep..."

Scratching the side of his head, he glanced at his iPod for the time.

"Oh, boy...I hope we're not up too early-"

He stopped. Something was horribly, horribly wrong.

"_...!_"

The scream of her partner causing her to wake with a start, Utsuho leap to her feet, quickly grabbing hold of the boy and pointing her control rod in all directions.

"Iza, you jerk! You can't pick on Ryan when we're not even IN the stor—uh?" She glanced around, and saw no cause for alarm. "...Unyuu...Ryan, why were you screaming?"

"Why was I screaming? _WHY WAS I SCREAMING?_" He frantically pointed at the iPod screen. "Okuu, take a look at _this!_"

Utsuho squinted at the screen...and, when she noticed something unusual, yelped.

"_Eeep!_ We overslept by three hours!" The raven's face went red in embarassment, her wings flapping twice. However, Ryan once more shoved the device in her face. "Whaaaaaaat? I saw it already!"

"No, you didn't!" Ryan snapped. "A few _hours?_ Try _half a year!_ Check the date, Utsuho; we went a full _four months_ past the hiatus cutoff date!"

"_EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_" The Hell Raven shrieked, jumping in the air. "W-W-What? When did we—how did we—oh, no...I bet we lost all our wonderful readers!"

The raven slumped in depression, punching the ground.

"They were all so nice to us...and-and we let them doooowwwwwwwn!" Unable to take the pressure, she began to bawl. "_Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...!_"

"Easy, Utsuho, _easy!_" Ryan insisted, pulling her to her feet. "Now, calm down, please! Yeah, we've been lazy, but that's no reason to give up the ghost! We're not out of this game just yet!"

Utsuho sniffled, rubbing at her eyes. However, the thought of going back to Satori and Orin victorious filled her with ambition and drive, and so she clenched a fist with a firm nod.

"...You're right!" She declared, taking to the air. "We didn't come so far, beat a knife-swinging crazy, only to get caught up by an insur...unso...um. Unyuu..." She pouted, unable to find the word she was looking for.

**SMACK~!**

"Insurmountable, Okuu." Ryan said behind his facepalm.

"Right! We didn't come this far to get stopped by an insurmountable delay!" Utsuho finished, scooping the boy up under his arms and ascending higher. "Let's get back to the Forest of Magic!"

Ryan grinned, pounding a fist in his palm.

"You got it! ...But, eh..." He sweatdropped, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "Wasn't the next chapter for Meiling and the supporting cast...?"

A moment of silence followed.

"...Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...!"

* * *

**COMING SOON...**

* * *

"Please...don't think ill of me..." The sparrow sighed, running a hand gently down his cheek. "But what you've learned cannot be repeated to anyone, much less the one you serve."

A flash of razors along her arm, and it became clear that Iza was very, very serious.

"I know how your kind is...you cannot keep a secret. It doesn't matter how long you keep it for; a year, a decade, a century...perhaps even a millenium? If you even _were_ to live that long, otherwise?" She shook her head. "_No_...this little bit of information I've worked so long to keep hidden _must_ remain unseen by the eyes of history, _until eternity..._"

"...Really...?" He groaned, one bruised and blackened eye looking up at her with an odd mix of pity and contempt. "And what exactly are you gonna do to make that happen, h-huh?"

Iza knew she could not hide her duping delight, and so she opted to let her grin show proudly.

"There are no Spell Card rules or reality-bending ancients to save you this time." She spoke softly. "And, by the time they understand? The deed will be done."

She ran a finger under his chin...before roughly tilting his head upwards, exposing his neck.

"I am a woman of my word." She hissed with an undeniable glee. "_I'm going to kill you, Randa._"

* * *

Utsuho moaned in a daze, her vision blotted by spots as she stumbled forward. Never, since she has gained her godlike power, had anyone ever been able to best a beam of hers. In the face of her output, even the likes of the Master Spark could not compare, and yet...

"Hmph."

And yet, against this strange, frightening woman, even her Giga Flare had been swatted away like so much dust in the path of a leisurely-sweeping broom. It was...worthless.

"...No...ugh...this _isn't fair!_" Utsuho punched the side of her control rod, her Third Leg, with an ill-concealed fury. "I'm...the strongest in the Underground! Even Yuugi-san can't beat me...so why?"

Her opponent merely raised an eyebrow, as if this was a ridiculous question.

"_Why can't I hit you?_" Utsuho cried her demand, tears of shame beginning to sting at the corners of her eyes and blur her sight. However, behind the liquid, she could tell the woman was brushing ahand through her hair, scoffing. "-! A...Are you _mocking me?_"

"...Why ever _not?_ Are _you_ going to _make_ me stop?" She sighed. "It's called density, Reiuji. As in, you are the densest godlike being I have ever encountered. Your power came out in a loosely-contained wave, rather than a well-contained blast that, had you done so, would have damaged me quite a bit."

Utsuho bit her lip. ...This woman was...right. B-But she didn't have to know that!

"Y-Y-Yeah...?" The Hell Raven countered weakly, pointing in an accusing way. "You think _you're_ such an expert, _h-huh?_"

"...Why, yes. As a matter of fact, that is _precisely_ the case, here." The woman said, smiling for the first time since she appeared. An eerie, unsettling smile... "As _you_ could easily be, too. That is, if..."

Utsuho knew this was a baiting statement. However, she couldn't be bothered to think around that, right now.

"If what?" The Hell Raven demanded.

"..._If_...you would allow _me_...to _teach you._"

* * *

**AJiBH CONTINUES...**


	29. Chapter 28

**IT'S ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE.**

***proceeds to fall over***

**Well, readers all, you deserve an explanation. The full story would take too long, so I'll abridge things the best I can.**

**For the past two years, I've been living with my grandparents since my parents divorced. I was supposed to be in my mother's custody, but since she decided to ne a worthless booze hound, I was left with two people who had absolutely no care for my emotional wellbeing and were only content when I was cleaning their house or not around. Mind you, I stated this to them more than once, and was called an ungrateful bastard-exact wording-and other childish insults in response. So, one day several months ago, I got fed up with not seeing my father, and went to visit him in my old home. I recieved a large amount of browbeating beforehand, but went regardless. My old man? Real great guy, he showed me no ill will about what had happened. **

**After spending a weekend with him, we drove the two hours back to my grandparents', only to find my belongings in boxes outside. My uncle was there as well, shouting obscenities at me when I tried to go into the house. From what I could gather,my grandmother made up a huge story about how I supposedly struck her. (She had used a similar story earlier to try and get my mother thrown out by my grandfather after a drinking binge.) They didn't care that they had sworn to me to support me through high school, they didn't care that I was in the middle of my final quarter of my senior year, they didn't care that I wouldn't even have the chance to say goodbye to my friends, they didn't even let me have my bulldog that I had raised from puppyhood, because they COULD because the medical information was in their name-stealing a boy's dog, the lowest form of petty vengeance I can imagine. I called my mom, but she was in California with her new boyfriend, saying she wouldn't even give me my old furniture out of storage because I "didn't understand the value of things", as it was so charmingly put.**

**Thankfully, my dad and older sister came to my aid immediately. My dad had been considering seeling our old house, but cancelled right away so that i could live in the only home I'd known all my life. I was able to re-enroll back in the high school I'd started in my sophmore year, back with the people I had known since elementary school. Money was no issue to my dad; he got me a new bed and dresser and, once I'd finally had the opportunity to take my driver's test, got me a vehicle as well.**

**As it currently stands, I'm well on-course to graduate, I've a couple of summer jobs lined up, I have my beginning of college life set up, and I'm finally content on a regular basis for the first time since I was a child. However, I might have given up on life if it wasn't for a group of absolutely wonderful friends. And who are they?**

**Etherdrone, WillieG.R, Kerreb17, DeadMasterUsa, Doomknight Levos, Captain Vulcan, Demon Neko Shen, and the rest of the fine people on the Let's Danmaku forums. That's right, something as simple as a common enjoyment of a japanese bullet hell shooter allowed me to meet these amazing people, and they gave me the emotional support that i could never recieve from my family for all this time when things looked unbearable. It is because of them I'm still writing, and all of you should keep them in mind-for those of them who are authors, their work on this site is incredible.**

**For all of you who have waited patiently for the story to resume, I thank you with all the elation I can give. I'm the Magnificent Sasquatch, and I'm picking back up my pen and paper to get back to doing what I love: telling stories.**

**Without further adieu, it's my joy to bring you Average Joe in Bullet Hell Chapter 28: The Fifth Team!**

* * *

The sound of overturning bush and feet lightly thudding against the ground was the only thing that could be heard for half a kilometer around as Chino, lieutenant first-class of the surely Wanted Sasa Sanctuary made his way through the thick Forest of Magic.

This wasn't something he particularly cared to do, of course, sneaking around the entire countryside, but with the current state of affairs, he...really couldn't afford not to.

She had faltered. The sadistic, bloodthirsty woman he served, they had caused her to tremble, to seize up. He could not recall another instant in all his lifetime when such an thing had happened.

_That's why... _He thought to himself, keeping stride, _why I sent them here. I had my suspicions upon seeing Reiuji's power, but...I needed to see this firsthand..._

And he had done so, the results exceeding his expectations. That amazing combining and releasing of powers; such bonds in Gensokyo were far and few. Now, he had something to invest in. Now, Chino had some manner of hope to support.

"Randa...Reiuji..."

He continued on his way. No matter what, Chino needed to find a surefire way to keep pulling their strings.

* * *

"I-I really don't like this..."

"Would you please...just..._move_."

Sakuya gritted her teeth behind closed lips, watching her Chinese coworker clinging to a bamboo stalk for dear life as if it would make the scary nature-maze up ahead disappear and would somehow keep the irritated maid from reaching her.

_**TING~!**_

"Ouuuuuuuch!"

Wishful thinking.

"Hong Meiling," Sakuya began, once more brandishing her knives, "you _will_ get down from there this instant, or I _will_ make use of those childbearing hips to hold my excess ammunition; am I _quite clear?_"

Meiling bit her lip, the stinging of the blade lodged in her right buttock reminding her all-too-well of what her superior could and would do to get her motivated and in that goddamn bamboo forest. However, in spite of the realistic threat, she stuck to her guns.

"N-No...!" The guard insisted, burying her face in the plant. "This whole place feels so...unnatural! My senses are useless to me against such an abomination; I can't go any further!"

A whooshing of air made it clear to her that Sakuya had taken flight, putting her in point-blank range if those knives...as if Sakuya was ever going to miss from even the farthest distances.

"You will listen to me, _or your next bowel movement will be laden with daggers, guard._" Sakuya snapped. Seeing the sad youkai flinch, she sighed and decided to take a far less lethal approach. She floated forward, setting a gentle hand on Meiling's shoulder. "Honestly, Hong...you're easily the most formidable thing we're going to find in this forest..."

Meiling here eased up, rubbing the corner of her eye a bit.

"Y..." She swallowed nervously. "You really believe that, Sakuya-san?"

Sakuya opened her mouth to speak when, in the next moment, memories of a blazing immortal howling in primal fury came to her mind. Not wanting to give false hope, she closed her mouth as quickly as she had opened it.

"..." Meiling's head hung. "That's a 'no' if I ever witnessed one."

"...The second-most dangerous thing we'll find, though." Sakuya quickly added softly. "And remember, we're only on our own until we find Miss Kamishiwa's associate!" She raised Meiling's wrist, which held the bracelet given to them. "There's no need for such a fuss, Meiling is strong~."

The gate guard sniffled a bit, drumming her fingers against the bamboo stalk in thought for a bit. Finally, she steeled herself, punching a hand into her palm.

"...Okay!" She smirked. "You're absolutely right; it's shameful for someone in my position to be acting so cowardly!" She readjusted her hat. "Thank you, Sakuya-san, but I'll need no further assistance~!"

With a tremendous battle cry and a powerful leap, Meiling flung herself towards the forest floor. Flipping in the air and bringing down her fist, she struck the earth below with a massive quake and the cracking sound of the ground ripping up from the sheer force. At that moment, all nearby fairies and spirits scattered, not wanting to tussle with whatever that was. Satisfied with her handiwork, the youkai, smacked the dust off her hands with a smirk, running her hands down her backside-and removing the knife when she nicked her pinkie on it.

"A-ha-ha~. I can see that my warrior's might has scared off the rifraff~!" Nodding with her hands planted on her hips, Meiling began to rhythmically stride forward. "Nothing will stand in my wa-"

Three seconds and a big THUD later, Meiling found herself facedown in a crudely-dug pitfall only about two feet away from where she had made her big, dramatic reentry. Whimpering in equal parts embarassment and pain, she looked back over her shoulder at Sakuya who, for the first time since the guard decided to jump down, made a motion-that being to bring her palm smacking into her face.

_Of course, of course. How could I have forgotten her...?_ The maid thought, dragging her hand down her face. _The Earth Rabbit...and it would appear she is out in force, tonight..._

"S-Sakuya-saaaaaaaan...!" Meiling whined. "What on earth was that? What just happened?"

"...Hong, dear?" Sakuya began with a hint of sheepishness. "Remember when I called you the second-most formidable force in this forest~?"

"Yeeeees...?"

"...Make that 'third'."

* * *

An airy chuckle filled the air, followed by a low, long groan. The source of this disturbance was the group of three currently heading through the northern Forest of Magic, towards a certain temple where, one of them dreaded, all kinds of chaos, disregard, and freeloading would surely ensue.

But, she was the gardener. Her opinion was invalid on principle.

"Oh-ho-ho, my goodness~!" Yuyuko beamed, rubbing the head of the shapeshifter latched onyo her side, head rested on the side of her chest. "Nue, you are an absolute delight! Oh, I am _so_ glad I didn't eat you, now!"

"Don't be so modest, Lady Yuyuko!" Nue chirped in kind, completely content in her current position. "As a youkai who has been around quite a bit, I get the idea of ritualistic sacrifice and, if I was to be fed to any horror beyond the mortal world, I would gladly have it be you!"

Youmu grumbled something as she trudged along.

"Ahem!" Yuyuko smiled yowards her servant. "Youmu, aren't you~?"

"_...Wouldn't have minded filletting the little hooligan, honestly..._" Youmu quitely spoke, before responding aloud with, "Of course, Lady Yuyuko!"

Yuyuko stared at Youmu a few more seconds, before suppressing a snicker. Aww, Youmu was jealous. How cute. How innocent.

How easily manipulated.

"Oh, goodness~!" Yuyuko grinned, hugging Nue tighter against her, "You' re staggering, poor thing, you must be tired~!" Nue's eyes widened a bit in shock, her cheeks flushing in embarassment at the situation before the ghost stroked her head. "There, there...Miss Yuyuko's dead bosom is nice and cool for you to rest on~!"

It was here that, had Youmu been drinking something at this time, she would have spit it out with enough velocity to drill through a tree. However, she was not, and so merely turned in shock at her princess's lewd behavior.

"Y-Yuyuko-sama?" Youmu stammered, nearly dropping her swords. "What on earth are you doing; holding that creature in such a way...?"

Yuyuko could no longer supress her laugher, a haunting chuckle resounding through the area as she exhausted her pent-up mirth. Sighing after taking a deep breath, she began to speak.

"Homestly, Youmu, I'm just making our little companion comfortable for our trip's duration~." She smoothly replied, before her eyes narrowed in mischievous inspiration. "You know, there ARE two sides to my body, and Houjuu-chan has only occupied one of them..."

Youmu here froze up, having a hunch as to what Yuyuko was about to drive at. Not wanting to disgrace herself or her family, Youmu blocked all imagery from her mind and continued on.

"Th...There is no need for that, I've dealt with worse." She muttered.

"Oh, don't deny yourself some simple pleasures in life, now~..." The ghost princess hummed, opening the crook of her left arm invitingly. "My embrace can hold more than one; now get on in there~..."

"Heh! She think she's too good to enjoy Marshmallow Heaven? Feh!" Nue scoffed, smirking at Youmu. "Yuyu-sensei, if Miss Gardener won't join, can I climb up and take both~?"

Youmu flinched, but kept walking. Yuyuko continued doing her best to keep from breaking out into laughter and suffocating the shapechanging youkai against her bosom.

"Oh come now, Miss Bridge Princess." Yuyuko teased, winking. "You only get offered a comfy ride like this once in a lifetime~!"

Youmu here took a deep sigh, held up her hands in exasperation, and whirled around.

"...That phrasing would be more inticing," She spoke in an exasperated way, "were you not dead, Lady Yuyuko."

"..." Yuyuko stroked her chin in thought for a few seconds. "...Once in a deathtime! That must be, ooh, twice as rare~!"

The gardener had an image to maintain. For this reason, she opted not to give into the uncontrollable urge to dash her own skull repeatedly against a random tree. Sure it might kill her, but Yuyuko would probably find the unintended suicide a bit ironic and get a kick out of it, if nothing else.

"Ugh!"

Youmu's head shot up. Normally, the presence of a previously unknown being would send her on the alert, but now her reaction was one of joy that this attempted-sensual nightmare would be forced to a close. And so it was, when a mouse youkai bounded out of the forest ahead, spinning two dousing rods in her hands as she glared both Nue and Yuyuko down.

"Nue, if you want to be a depraved lesbian, that's_ fine_," The mouse snapped, "but do it on your_ own _time, _not_ when you're on guard duty!"

She here paused.

"...and preferably not in a way that incites necrophilia." She added on, trying not to wretch. "_Ugh. _Gag me; why not dig up something from the Mausoleum if you're that 'in need'?"

Yuyuko's eyes half-lidded in annoyance.

"...The rat offends me, but I've never tried rodent..." She looked down to the equally-annoyed nue cuddled against her chest. "May I have a nibble, see if she offends my _palette_ as much as my _ears?_"

"Hmmm...nah. S'just Nazrin." Nue finally said with a shrug. "Always the mousy prude, aren't you, Nazzy~?"

Before Nazrin could respond in indignance, her red face already showing how she'd react, Youmu had rushed forward, bowing generously to the mouse youkai with muttered prayers.

"..._Yooouuuumuuuuuuu~!_" Yuyuko whined, balling up her fists. "I did _not_ bid you bow to a vermin! Rise, have some shame!"

The very fact that Nazrin was disrupting Yuyuko's teasing so effectively only further motivated Youmu to do all in her power to keep the aforementioned mouse from being _anywhere but there._

"I welcome your presence, Nazrin-san!" Youmu greeted cheerfully. "I am terribly sorry to bother you, but from what you said, you're with the Myouren Temple, yes~? Well, your coworker here was _supposed_ to be leading us there, but I believe she was sidetracked getting 'friendly' with my mistress, Lady Yuyuko..."

A shout of "HEY!" from the onlookers went unanswered as Nazrin sighed and shrugged before nodding in agreement to Youmu.

"Don't get me started...this parasite _only_ stays with us still by Lady Hijiri's grace; her lewd tendencies and sad excuses for 'completed work' infuriate the _rest _of us..." Nazrin explained, already feeling some kinship to the young half-ghost. "...but, in any case, you made it past our guard. By all accounts, had I not come to investigate, you would have made it to the Temple _anyway_, so..."

Nazrin took a deep breath and exhaled, smiling weakly at Youmu.

"...I suppose it's only fair that you get escort there." She raised an eyebrow at Nue. "A _travel_ escort. Hint-hint."

Youmu smiled brightly at Nazrin's triumphant smirk, gratefully strolling along behind the youkai knowing full well that her mistress would end up following in the end, nomatter what kind of tantrum was thrown during that time.

"..." Nue closed her eyes, gritting her teeth. "Lady Yuyuko...do you have any job openings, by chance...?"

* * *

"Look, Reimu, I know you wanna get moving," Marisa began sheepishly, "but I seriously gotta check in with Alice real quick."

"Marisa..." Reimu groaned, "if that shota-bug was telling the truth, we might lose out to Meiling and Sakuya. _Hong Meiling_...and Sakuya."

"..." The witch grimaced. "You're right. Better make the visit quick, ze."

The duo flew southwestward over the expansive forest which took up the great bulk of Gensokyo, having next decided to look for clues through beating the crap out of the Prismrivers and the Three Fairies of Light, see if they knew anything, when Marisa had remembered she'd been meaning to meet with Alice (for reasons that, whatever they be, she refused to tell Reimu what the meeting was for) and got the maiden to agree to a quick stop. ...Very, very reluctantly, of course, but an agreement nonetheless.

It helped that Wriggle spilled the beans about those two headin' out on the bratty vampire's behalf. Marisa thought to herself. Really, with Sakuya needin' to babysit China, we should have plenty a' time to catch up, ze!

"Okay..." Reimu said through an exasperated sigh, "...where should we be touching dow-"

_**KREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**_

The two immediately stopped in midair when a series of golden lasers exploded from the trees below, dragging several birdlike figures into the air with them before disappearing.

...Birdlike figures...

"Say, Marisa?" Reimu began quietly.

"Yeah?" The witch replied.

"That...came from Alice's place."

"That it did, ze. That it did."

The two hung there a few more seconds, first staring blankly into the sky where the beams had risen. Then, they turned their heads incredibly slightly, looking towards each other with the same, blank expression. The silence was only broken by several blinks.

Then, in the next moment, a powerful shockwave shook the air as the duo launched themselves straight into the forest.

"So!" Marisa cackled, holding onto her hat while wind whipped around her. "What was that you were saying about roughing up a couple of fairies and band geeks, ze? Tellin' me _my_ detour wasn't worth it?"

"As far as I'm concerned, blasting the musical spooks and the pranksters, that was _your_ idea!" Reimu grinned in kind. "Following this new lead: that's _my_ amazingly good idea!"

The two continued charging headlong into potential danger, grazing the occasional beam or danmaku burst that came from the forest ahead and, with each additional burst, they grew more and more eager to see just what Alice had gotten into that would warrant such a firefight.

"Woah!" Marisa looped around another beam, shielding her eyes from the sudden brightness. "Uh? Reimu, I think we're about to break the clearing!"

"Right!" Reimu brought out her gohei, spinning it stylishly in her hand. "Here we go, get ready!"

The duo, eyes flaring with the light of ultimate justice-also known as befriending foes by mercilessly pummeling them-flew out of the ring of trees surrounding the space by Alice's home, flipping into the air and landing in battle-ready positions; Reimu crouched with charms between her fingers and gohei clutched between her teeth, Marisa having her arms crossed in front of her with her broom in one hand and hakkero in the other! The sight of gensokyo's most reknown heroines in such a bold stance would be enough to send any villain running for the hills...

...if there were any even there to speak of in the first place.

"...Uhhhh..." Reimu began, speech a bit garbled due to her weapon. "There's...nobody here?"

"You gotta be kiddin' me..." Marisa groaned, glowering beneath the brim of her hat. "I think I pulled somethin' shooting my arms outward like this, ze. There's nobody here to be awed by it...?"

_**Clap-clap-clap...**_

"A very stunning performance, rest assured." Came a smooth feminine tone from behind. "But, Reimu, the 'warrior' stance really isn't you. And Marisa, just...what is that meant to even _be?_"

The two jumped at the voice, quickly turning to see who it was...only to be greeted by the sight of Alice smirking slightly at them, an armada of dolls tieing up a small group of sparrow youkai, one in particular being dragged towards the puppeteer by Shanghai and Hourai. She made her way over to him, tilting his chin up with one finger.

"You're just in time for interregation, friends." Alice went on, shifting her eyes towards the others. "This fellow here seemed to be barking the orders while I was being effectively mobbed. _Thank you _for the 'backup', by the way."

"Hey, the awesome battle poses wouldn't have worked if we came in from above, y'know..." Marisa muttered sheepishly, her face a bit red as she abandoned the ridiculous stance.

"They didn't work _anyway_." Reimu groaned. "Seriously, we work on the choreography in our spare time, and for _what? _I'm starting to think it's a lost cause..."

Marisa patted her friend on the back as the two of them walked over to Alice. Speaking of, Alice herself was currently busy with extracting information from the soldier she had singled out.

"Alright, you cannon fodder. I hope your vocabulary is expansive," Alice stated, folding her arms over her chest, "because the only way you'll get out of this intact is by saying quite a bit. Now why are you here?"

The soldier grumbled, Alice's dolls holding his face up. However, despite the situation he was in, he opted to keep up the bravado to keep whatever remained of his self-respect from shattering outright.

"I-I'll be askin' the questions!" He stammered out. "We know yous were supplyin' the raven and the human wit' intel, little girl! Now, yer gonna be tellin' us where they're goin'!"

Reimu's body stiffened up upon hearing the boorish youkai's words.

"Who knows~?" Alice said with a smirk. "Perhaps they're out melting or exploding your fellows? I certaintly wouldn't know. Oh, and uh, Hourai."

The doll she addressed roughly smacked the youkai in his left cheek.

"You're forgetting rather quickly the position you find yourself in, sir."

Marisa slowly raised her eyebrows, looking towards Reimu. Given the miko's expression, she could tell they were thinking the same_. What the heck did that guy just say? A human and a raven?_

Reimu furrowed her brows in thought, before her eyes popped open with a sudden realization.

_Wait. The day before Ryan vanished, he left with Yukari, she took him and her shikigami to the Underground...! _Reimu shook her head in disbeleif_. And the way Yukari never even hinted at what her scheme was like she normally will... No, no, she wouldn't be crazy enough to bring __**that **__monster into whatever she's up to...!_

But what Alice had joked about, the possibility of "melting" their associates...a raven that holds dominion over extreme heat, that could only mean...

"Uh, so, Alice!" Marisa began unsteadily. "This guy, huh? He's one of these mystery youkai who've been making a mess of Gensokyo in recent days, eh?" The witch cracked her knuckles. "Need a bit of help gettin' him to talk?"

"...No need." Alice turned her down, merely glancing at her and Reimu before going back to staring down the soldier. "However, if you really want to be helpful, you could go into the house; fetch my Grimore as well as an incomplete doll on the crafting table?"

"Uh..." Marisa shifted from side to side uneasily, before conceding and giving a halfhearted nod as she made for the door. "S-Sure thing, heh-heh! You got it, ze..."

There was a few moments devoid of speaking while Alice and Reimu both listened to the sound of footsteps on floorboards, Marisa making her way into the house, and neither dared utter a single sound until the door shut with a deceptively loud click.

"...Well, Reimu?" Alice began, making sure the complaining soldiers she had captured were secured tightly. "Are you going to ask me the obvious question, or should I simply throw it out there if you're not capable?"

"Oi!" The lead soldier whined. "You're ignorin; me, yeh are...!"

"Alright...fine." Reimu said, taking a deep breath and exhaling sharply. "Alice...did Yukari do the thing I'm absolutely hoping she did not do and bring Utsuho Reiuji to the surface?"

Alice spun on her heels, eyes half-lidded with unreadable emotion. Although Reimu's face didn't show it, her heart sank. Alice's demeanor spoke volumes more than her next words ever could.

"Yes. Yes, she did." The dollmaker responded. "What's more, it would seem our self-imposed queen thought it best to place Miss Reiuji in authority for this latest incident."

_...No. No, no, no._ Reimu cringed, fighting the urge to replicate the motion seen often from Ryan of slapping his face. _Utsuho Reiuji nearly risked killing untold numbers of people in an attempt to set Gensokyo ablaze, she gave me and Marisa a run for our money __**working together**__, what is that manic hag thinking putting a nuclear lunatic in position over-?_

"...Wait..." Reimu slightly regained composure upon realizing something rather odd about all this. "Alice, did...did you meet her here, then?"

She looked around, taking in the remarkably not-destroyed condition of the area.

"...This is very odd..." Reimu muttered. "Your house is intact, you're _unharmed_, you don't even seem _concerned_ by the concept of this."

"OI! YER STILL IGNORIN' ME, YEH ARE!"

"Quiet." Reimu snapped at the disgruntled soldier. "Alice, you were supporting Marisa when we went to the underground, you _witnessed _secondhand what that girl's capable of, why is it that what seems like the most obvious outcome of her not being confined to her cave _wasn't_ the outcome?"

"Simple, really." Alice shrugged before nudging the soldier with her foot. "Yes, you. Stop your incessant screaming; I'll humor your little question."

"...Wut, really?" He asked, only to be answered by a slight nod. "Okay... Ahem! You were feedin' the raven and her human information, you were! Where they goin' to next, huh?"

Reimu opened her mouth to object, but she quickly realized the purpose of having him restate the question.

"That's right~." Alice hummed, calling her dolls back to her. "Utsuho-oh, she prefers Miss 'Okuu'-is a rather pleasent person, when she's not riled up. If you don't believe me, ask Ryan Randa. After all, he's traveling with her."

* * *

_**POOF-POOF-POOF!**_

"Begone!"

_**POOF!**_

Chino panted hard, his blades held tightly in hand as he fought his way through yet another cluster of fairies. He had been making his way to the Bamboo Forest, where he knew the subjects of his watch would be going, when a horde of fairies came out of nowhere and attacked him.

_Of course_, Chino thought to himself, beginning his flight once again, _any old group of these would be easy enough to deal with, but-_

_**BRAKKA-BRAKKA-BRAKKA!**_

"Yipe!" The sparrow yelped and rolled to the left, avoiding a sudden burst of danmaku fire. He looked back, and saw more of the same still after him, _...but the problem is, not only are all these fairies of an identical appearance unfamiliar to me, but they seem to be focused on not merely causing trouble, but __**actually **__hurting me!_

"Well, so be it..." He groaned, drawing his blades yet again, "I've plenty of fight for all of you! Step right up!"

The fairies gave off low groans, spreading out and encircling him. However, before they could resume their attack, Chino began to spin quickly, releasing red feather-shaped danmaku in a radial pattern. The fairies grunted in dull suprise, quickly turning in an attempt to retreat,but all were skewered thoroughly by the paper-thin bullets and, in turn, exploded.

"Hah...gah..." The sparrow gulped a breath of fresh air, wiping the sweat from his brow. "Between the running all day...flying in the way I have to, and fighting off these little pests...I'm exhausted..."

He groaned in slight pain, moving his hand over his shoulder, feeling his back.

"Oh..." Chino gave a melancholy sigh. "If I only had my wings..."

_**Clop-clop-clop...**_

"-?" At the sound of approaching footsteps, Chino made haste and darted behind a nearby tree. Okay, with any luck, any fairies in the area would be attracted to this newcomer and leave him be. If not, well, perhaps he could 'convince' the individual to 'run interference' on the nuisances. All he had to do was wait for them to pass by!

...

_...Aaaaany second now..._ He thought to himself, fingers drumming impatiently against the bark. Chino was to be disappointed; from the moment the person came to pass the other side of his tree, they seemed to just stop moving completely for some reason. Suddenly, there was a sound like a cork popping. Followed by a trickling noise...a distinct odor...

_...Are you joking?_ Chino gritted his teeth. _Of all the terrible luck! Somebody had to pick __**this **__exact spot at __**this**__ exact time of all the places in the forest and minutes in the day to get drunk? ...I can't linger here any longer, I have to make myself known...!_

"Alright!" Chino declared loudly, flinging himself to the other side of the tree with blades at the ready. "Now look here, sir or madam! This spot is quite occupied, so if you wouldn't mi..."

Chino's mouth hung open in shock, all bravado leaving him in a matter of seconds.

"If...you wouldn't mi...mi..." He swallowed hard. "_...Oh my god._"

His eyes were met by the sight of a large, athletic-looking blonde woman, flicking her hair back so it wouldn't get sopping wet by the sake in the very large red dish she had in her hand. As she tilted her head back to take a good long drink, the red of the single horn on her forehead glimmered in the sun. He knew right away, this was Hoshiyama Yuugi, one of the Four Divas of the Mountain and an all-powerful oni. Once she'd finished, she raised an eyebrow at Chino, allowing herself a slight smirk.

"...What was that you were saying, sport?" She swished the drink in her dish a bit. "Did you wanna have a drink with little ole me, bird-boy?"

Chino knew of this legendary figure full well. He also knew that, should he upset her, he'd been staring down the barrel of a long, long hospitalization. If he wanted to complete his objective - and he did, more than anything - he would need to start choosing his words very carefully from that very second onwards.

"Ah...n-no, my apologies." Chino quickly stated, bowing respectfully. "I didn't mean to offend a maiden, it is not within my principles. I was just worried, is all..." He here rubbed the back of his neck, hoping his next statement wouldn't see him put in the headlock hotel, "...you see, there's been an abnormal concentration of very unusual fairies in the area recently, and I'm sure you wouldn't want your, ahem, drinking time disrupted-"

"-zombie fairies."

Chino stammered at the sudden interruption from Yuugi. She...knew what the nature of these bizarre fairies was? Had she been assaulted by them as well, and he just hadn't noticed?

"Yep, zombie fairies. They aren't much for conversation," Yuugi paused to take a drink, "or battle tactics, apparently, but they sure beat the piss outta what you're gonna find up here, eh? Gyah-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Chino winced as the powerful youkai put herself in stiches, slapping her own knee. He really did not like the way this conversation was headed...maybe if he could take her attention off of him for just a second, he could take to the sky, and-

"Ah, but hold on a second!" Yuugi grinned, snapping her fingers as though she'd been struck by inspiration, and reached behind the rock she was sitting on. "Hang on real quick, I wanna show ya something really great!"

Chino realized then that it wasn't going to be that simple, so he'd best wait for her to make a slip-up of her own accord...that is, until she hefted up a misshapen chunk of ice. Securely trapped within it were three zombie fairies, all appearing to have been frozen in mid-attack. Yuugi tossed it up and down a bit, grinning at Chino.

"So? Don't be shy, take a bow, haha! Even I gotta admit, this is a pretty awesome trick you pulled, here!" Yuugi laughed, setting the chunk down. "But then, I guess I shouldn't be suprised! After all, you'd really have to be one helluva guy to be balsy enough to go after Okuu, right?"

Chino's eyes shrank and his body froze up. She knew about what he'd done. She knew about what he'd done, and she'd known about the fairies. She'd known about what he'd done, she knew about the fairies, and she referred to Utsuho by a name that friends call her.

This was no random meeting. This was an ambush.

"H-H-H-H-Hold on, now!" Chino shrieked, swallowing nervously and waving his hands inj front of himself defensively, "I didn't freeze those fairies, and the situation has changed, you have to believe-"

"Believe?" Yuugi snapped, the smile leaving her face. "Right now, there's only things I don't believe, guy. And you wanna know what I cannot believe? That Okuu, that poor gal, was nice enough to let you leave with your life after ya went in there, made demands, insulted her family and then started shootin' at her."

The situation was clear. Yuugi had come to the surface, came this far from home, to avenge her friend's honor by massacreing the one who had been bold enough to take such a stand against her. And he was betting she would not leave unsatisfied.

"M-Miss Hoshiyama, please..." Chino stammered, backing away slowly, "...I'm _different_. I want to _help_ her. You can't just kill me!"

_**THOOM.**_

Yuugi pounded her fist on the ground once, hard. A shuddering ran through the earth under Chino's feet, ending in a wall of dirt and rock shooting up behind him, cutting off his means of escape. Yuugi was not about to let him walk, and he wasn't about to change her mind with unsupported claims.

"You're right. I can't. Because Okuu would be absolutely _pissed _if I did." Yuugi growled, standing from her seat, dish in hand. "And even though I'm worried about making her feel bad, I'm _almost_ just as worried about her deciding to punish me. See, I get how strong she is, and I recognize even I don't have right to mess with that. Why a little runt like _you_ thinks that you do is _anybody's_ guess."

She began walking slowly towards him, her every step sending a shudder through the ground, cracking the earth underneath her feet, and allowing Chino to feel just a glimpse of her terrifying strength.

"So, here's what's gonna happen, Robin. And I DO hope you're smart enough to cooperate." Yuugi spoke lowly. "I'm not gonna kill ya. Don't worry for a second about that. Nah, I'm just gonna beat you so badly that you'll wish you never even heard of Okuu, much more _myself_." She came to a stop just after the shadow she casted lommed entirely over the frightened bird. "See, word from Rin is that Okuu's got herself a new pal she's out adventuring with. Now, I was gonna wait a little while before tracking you down once I found out about this, but I didn't wanna risk you ruining her first little surface adventure. So, while she's having fun, getting to know this 'Randa' guy and seeing the sights, you're gonna be recoving from a nice, full-body bruising."

She crackled her knuckles ominously. Chino looked around for any real openinghe could use to get away.

"...Please...I can't afford to waste any time," Chino insisted feebily, "I need to leave..."

"Oh, good. Then the sooner you're nice and unconscious, the sooner you don't have to worry about things like_ time_, anymore." Yuugi smirked maliciously. "It's the best of both worlds, trust me. _Let's start_."

* * *

"Waaaaah!" Meiling shrieked, ducking quickly before a series of arrows that shot from a nearby fake row of bamboo shoots. "Guh! Another trap, what is the meaning of this? I thought that this was meant to be a maze to get people lost, not one of those booby-trapped temples like in Patchouli-san's adventure books...!"

"Hang on, Hong!" Sakuya called, giving a ferocious battle cry as she took three knives in each hand and swiftly carved through the offending trap, landing gracefully while the shoots fell apart into neatly-cut chunks. "Hmph...Meiling, are you alright?"

"Never this concerned when you're the one stabbing me, you know..." Meiling muttered, readjusting her hat. She looked over to the felled trap, noticing something bizarre. "Sakuya-san...look there, there's a note stuck to the inside of it!"

"Hm? ...Why, so there is. Excellent eye, Meiling~." Patting her coworker's head, Sakuya floated back over to the trap, yanking off the note. Her eyes flitted left to right as she read, before the pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. "Uuuuuuugh...of course..."

_Hahaha~! Gotcha good, Udongein! Bet 'cha didn't know that I had a whole bunch more of these left, huh? Don't worry, I'm not gonna use them! ...Directly on you! ...Right away! Uhahaha~! Welp, I'll just leave these here and get back to setting up the rest of today's game! ...And you __**will **__run into the rest today! Have a lot of fun, and remember - I'm always happy to serve!_

_-Inaba Tewi_

_Grr...how __**charming**__. I swear, the little rodent has a trap fetish of some kind._ Sakuya snarled in her mind, crumpling up the note when she was sure Meiling wasn't looking and therefore could save face._ I know, I know, I'm not one to talk, but if she hurts Meiling, I will make sure to hunt her down before we return home, and no amount of luck manipulation is going to-_

_**Twang~!**_

"Sakuyaaaaaa..."

The head maid snapped her head upwards,and saw that Meiling's foot had been firmly caught in a rope snare.

"...Oh, for the love of the Lady Devil, not again." Sakuya groaned, floating upwards with another knife to free Meiling fromwhat would be her third rope snare since they'd entered the Bamboo Forest. "Meiling, I know these traps are proving to be quite devious, but I think you could avoid them if you would just _pay closer attention?_"

"It's -Rrrrrgh!- not my fault! I'm not the kind of person to fall for traps..." Meiling insisted while Sakuya ran a knife through the rope quickly, both freeing the youkai from her humiliation...and unintentionally thrusting her into an entirely different one. "_WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_"

_**WHUMP.**_

Sakuya cringed midly. That fall looked like it had to hurt.

"Owwwwww..." Meiling droned, spitting a good pile of leaves out. "_Pleh! _Agh...as soon as I say 'I don't normally fall for traps'..."

"Bad choice of words, that's all. You just jinxed yourself, it happens to the best of us." Sakuya reassured her, flying down and helping Meiling to her feet. "Unfortunate yet comical circumstances aside, you were saying?"

"There's something wrong with these traps..." Meiling continued her previous train of thought, now taking to the air so as not to set a new record for most snare trapes set off in a single night in the history of Gensokyo. "It's like...well, whoever set them is a master of their craft, these things are extremely well-hidden...it's almost a shame that somebody so remarkable at being incognito would stoop so low as to squander their talents in something like...well, like..."

She helplessly motioned her arms around her.

"...Well, this! Placing random trap after trap, baiting prank after prank..." She sighed, shaking her head. "I don't know, Sakuya-san. It really seems like a wasted life to me."

"Not just her life..." Sakuya nodded, running her hand along a wall of nearby bamboo shoots. "I can't imagine what kind of psychological effect this is having on poor Reisen..."

_**-Cue Music - "Record Scratch"-**_

Sakuya's hands quickly clamped over her mouth. Sadly, it was far too late; Meiling had already picked upon what she let slip out.

"...What was that, Sakuya-san?" The guard asked quietly. Sakuya shook her head with a negative grunt. "Reisen, huh? Who is that, exactly? Does she get pranked often? ...Do you _know_ who would be pranking her?"

_Ohhhhhhhh, dear._ Sakuya yelped in her thoughts, trying to think of something to say that could disarm the time bomb that Meiling had become from a single Freudian Slip. _Okay, Sakuya, think quickly; the last thing our mission needs is for the muscle of the team to get-_

"Have you known who's been setting these traps? _Sa-ku-ya-saaaaaaaaaaaaan...?_" Meiling smiled pleasantly, but even a child would be able to tell this was merely a mask for her quickly-growing fury. "You knew, and you didn't _say_ anything to me? You just...kind of let it happen for the sake of letting it happen, then~?"

"Meiling...let's all remain calm." Sakuya spoke in a commanding tone of voice. "Now, I know you feel very upset at the moment, what with being subjected to various humiliations, but letting your temper boil over won't solve anything. So let's just-"

"Come to think of it..." Meiling began, slowly approaching Sakuya, "you haven't thrown a single knife at me since we encountered that first trap...could it be you were satsfied with the pain these pranks have caused me, then?"

"N-No, of course not, don't be absurd...!" Sakuya snapped, now feeling a bit worried by the dark aura she could feel from her partner. "I simply didn't want to cause excessive pain on top of what you would already be recievi-"

_**SMACK!**_

Sakuya's palm collided hard with her face.

"...That was the wrong thing to say, right?" She asked meekly.

"Oh, undoubtedly." Meiling responded.

* * *

"...Well...I'm, er, so glad you could join us for dinner~!"

"In-Indeed, Lady Hijiri..."

"OI! THAT SPOOK'S EATIN' _ALL THE FOOD!_"

Byakuren, the brunette messiah figure to youkai and humans alike, sat at the head of the dinner table in the Myouren Temple. At the chair to her closest right, the tiger youkai Toramaru Shou, a disciple of Bishamonten and Nazrin's master, sat with her plate bare and an uncomfortable smile on her face. To her closest left, a raven-headed sailor woman with a large anchor rested against her chair sat with her fists balled up on the table, constantly eyeballing the bottle of sake next to her - this was Captain Murasa Minamitsu, a resident ghost.

"You know, Minamitsu..." Shou began, biting her lip, "You're not exactly one to call anybody a 'spook'..."

"Oh, come now...!" Came a voice from across the table, belonging to a woman in a blue hood with lighter blue hair. She smiled weakly, fiddling with her hair while a strange wisp of pink smoke orbited her body. "We have guests, you two. Let's not start any kind of conflict, make them feel unwelcome~!" She giggled sheepishly. "R-Right, Kogasa-chan~?"

The person she was addressing was heavily sunken into her chair, eyes wide with an unfathomable horror as she watched what was happening just across the table from her. This girl was a karakasa with turquoise hair, a blue dress, and heterochromia of one turquoise and one red eye. A purple umbrella with a single eye and a large tongue lolling out was hugged to her side.

"So hungry...but can't eat..." She whimpered quietly. "If my hand somehow got stuck in there, Ichirin-chan, I'd never get it back...!"

Of course, the subject of all of this awkward small talk was the ghost princess ravenously shoveling food into her mouth, often deciding that the act of chewing within itself was unimportant and swallowed portions the size they were when she inhaled them. Of course, Youmu who was used to such a display, only reacted because of the embarassment she was feeling in seeing other have to witness it.

The worst part of it all? This was a meal meant to be big enough to feed _ten people_.

So far, Yuyuko had finished _half _of _all_ the food on the table, _nobody else_ had eaten so much as a _crumb_, and it had only been_ fifteen minutes since they had so much as sat down to dinner_.

"Oh, kami-sama, forgive us..." Youmu muttered, placing her face in her hands. A soft hand lightly rubbed her shoulder, and Youmu looked up to see Nazrin smiling weakly, in an attempt to console the girl.

"Your hand~?" Yuyuko smiled whimsically smiled at Kogasa after miraculously stopping between bites. "Oh-ho-ho. Of course that's not it, silly girl~!"

Kogasa gave a small sigh of relief.

"If I got your hand, it's not that _you_ would never see _it_ again," She stopped to take a sip of wine, "Ahhhh~. ...But rather, that _nobody_ would see _you_ again~!"

In the next moment, Ichirin was lightly shushing the frightened youkai by resting her head on her lap, all the while the mischeivous shapeshifter in the corner seat was cackling like a madwoman, pounding her fists on the table.

"Gyahahahahaha! Oh, this is too good!" Nue wheezed, trying to catch her breath. "Ah-ha-ha... Whoo, guys, what'd I tell ya? Didn't I say she was great?"

A moment of silence struck everyone present, besides the noise of Yuyuko stuffing her face. Youmu scooted back slightly in her chair, wanting nothing more than to say she needed to use the bathroom and just leave for Eientei on her own when nobody was looking. Thankfully, Byakuren herself spoke up before she could do anything she would regret.

"Ah...s-so you've said, dear." The kindly woman spoke, coughing a bit. "A-Anyway, Yuyuko-hime..."

"Hm?" The ghost princess looked up, her face sufficiently stuffed. "Yish? Wusha needin'?"

"Ya said ya had some important business to talk to us about." Murasa continued for her, rapping her fingers on the wood impatiently. "Something about the latest incident, how you were looking to resolve it and thought we might have answers? You didn't FORGET that part, right?"

_She did._ Youmu thought in silence. _She completely and totally did. But I'm not about to tell them that._

"Well, yes." She said, forcing a cheery smile onto her face. "You see, e have some limited information regarding the perpetrators...they're apparently of an elite group of youkai, primarily sparrows, from a place called...'Sasa Sanctuary'. All else we know is that they're entirely nondiscriminate in who they attack between humans and youkai..."

_**Errt!**_

Everybody's eyes moved towards where Byakuren sat, having herd her chair shift position slightly. The saintly superhuman was biting her lip slightly, looking away from everybody else. Everybody here had been around the block more than once -with possible exception of Kogasa- so they knew a 'I know something you don't know' reaction when they saw it, and damn if Hijiri was doing anything aside from that.

_Well, now, this is...intriguing~. _Yuyuko thought to herself, having stopped eating in order to add onto the pressure currently being put on her. _And here I fully expected the goody-two-shoes to simply restate everything we said in a way that would seem less incriminating to those birds and send us on our way...but it seems she knows more~?_

"...Given the way you're all looking at me, it seems my attempt to hide my knowledge of this matter failed..." Byakuren sighed, casting her head down with a look of shame. "In any event...please forgive me my attempt to decieve you..."

"I-It's okay, Lady Hijiri..." Murasa said with an akward sweatdrop. "I mean, it only lasted for like ten seconds, and you didn't exactly fool anyone for one of those seconds..."

"The captain makes a good point." Shou added, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Besides, you needn't worry about the explanations, after all, I know of that time just as you..."

"Ah, okay, that's fine." Nazrin smiled cheerfully.

For a few moments, the mouse continued sitting there with her pleasant expression before realizing what her master had said. Then, like everybody else, she stared slack-jawed at the tiger youkai who rubbed the back of her head in embarassment.

"Wait, you know something about this, Shou-sama?" Nazrin demanded. "And...you never said anything to me about it?"

"Give her some lenience, Nazrin..." Byakuren insisted, placing her hand over that of the youkai's on her shoulder. "...It's not the proudest moment of my life from before my sealing - far from it, in fact. And of course, your master had to keep the ugly story to herself as well..."

An airy chuckle filled the air, and all eyes fell upon Yuyuko, who was getting a serious kick out of the dread and discomfort the atmosphere was providing.

"Well, I for one am quite fond of ugly stories." She held her fan in front of her face, pushing the food away slightly. "I don't suppose you could share your tale with these good samaritans who have come all this way?"

"Oh, thank goodness...!" Kogasa exclaimed, quickly reaching out and snatching one of the few unbitten bread rolls around the ghost, biting into it with great vigor. "I was starving!"

* * *

"Talk, ze!"

_**Smack!**_

"_Talk, ze!_"

_**Smack!**_

"_TALK, ZE!_"

_**SMACK!**_

"...Reimu, weren't you going to play the good cop?"

"And miss this show? Not on your life."

With that said, Reimu took another sip of tea, sitting at the table on the small patio behind the dollmaker's house with her as they watched Marisa continue to pummel the daylights out of the soldiers who were still tied up, making demanding questions without waiting two seconds for an answer before swinging her broom again. Granted, it was fun to watch, but it wasn't really getting them anywhere...

"Marisa, if I may be so bold..." Alice began, sighing a bit. "I can't help but feel that, if you gave them time to talk between beatings, they might, ah, _actually_ talk?"

A momentary beat of solid quiet was had.

"...Are ya crazy?" The witch frowned, raising a skeptical eyebrow. "Dangerous and radical ideas like that could get ya killed, ze."

_**SMACK.**_

This smack was not a broom, but Alice's forehead colliding with her table.

"She just _might_ be crazy, Marisa. She's doing the same thing _Ryan_ did, after all." The shrine maiden couldn't help but giggle lightly at the memory of the distraught boy slamming his cranium repeatedly into the wood of her table with Marisa's constant teasing. "Speaking of, Alice, we really need to talk about that. Marisa, you give her idea a try."

"Alright, alright..." Marisa walked over to one of the girls tied up. "Hey, little birdy missy?"

"Eh?" She looked up, scoffing a bit at Marisa. "What, witch? Gonna smack me some more?"

"Nah." She grinned. "First, tell me what I wanna know..._then_ I'm gonna smack ya."

"So," Reimu began, sipping more tea while Marisa haphazardly interrogated in the background, "tell me more about Ryan and Utsuho...what are they doing working together, and how'd they come to run into you?"

Alice nodded, setting down the doll she'd been working on to speak properly to her guest.

"Well, I'd been busy with building on my 'forces', so to speak, when I noticed heavy laserfire from the forest nearby. I had seen Marisa head to your shrine earlier, so combined with the deep orange hue of the beams, I figured it wasn't her."

_**SMACK!**_

"Orange is for sissies, ze!" Came Marisa's voice. "Rainbow is the color of tough love!"

"...Thank you, Peanut Gallery. Anyway." Alice cleared her throat. "I and Shanghai went into the forest to investigate, and we came across fairies being beaten horribly by none other than that raven herself. Naturally, I had my suspicions, and figured that human boy might have been nothing more than an accomplice. Shanghai's discovering of a severed finger, clearly not fairy, only succeeded in hammering into my mind the idea that they were dangerous, and so...I tried to ambush them with an exploding doll."

"Whoa, Alice!" Marisa laughed. "Kinda dark for you of all people to do, ain't it, ze?"

"Get back to interrogating or hold you tongue; I thought they had murdered someone." Alice spat in annoyance. "Anyway, I'm not proud of what I did. I was even less proud when they dispatched me with little issue, and explained the finger was leftover from a cloning Spell Card being destroyed. Beyond that, the two seemed to get along quite well."

"I doubt that he knew about what she had done in the past, then..." Reimu mused. "More to the point, when did Utsuho learn to clone herself?"

_**CRRRRRRACK!**_

"Ooh! I think I busted something!" Marisa cheered. "New record, ze~!"

"Ouuuuuch! Alright, _alright!_" The female soldier whined. "I'll sing! Honestly! Just..._stop_ hitting me!"

"Actually, Reimu, you're wrong on both counts. Not only is Randa the one who can apparently duplicate himself, but he's well aware of what Utsuho's caused before. And despite that, he was _very_ defensive of her when I demanded if he did in fact know about her incident." Alice corrected the shrine maiden. "Combined with how civil Utsuho was behaving in my home and how neither of them begrudged me for my actions, I-"

"Wait!" Marisa interjected.

"...Agh. WHAT?" Alice snapped, fed up with Marisa'sinterruptions.

"So...Ryan ended up shaking upnot only with a youkai, but Okuu?" Marisa asked.

"...Well...they seemed fairly close," Alice muttered, "but I wouldn't say-"

"WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...!" Marisa fell over onto the ground, punching the dirst repeatedly. "Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod...I thought he was goin' for China, but instead of the pathetically weak route, he went down the stupidly dangerous route, ze!"

"Marisa..." Reimu spoke lowly, in a warning tone.

"Oh man, oh man!" The witch grinned, wiping tears from her eyes. "I would hate to see the kids-"

_**CRRRRRACK!**_

"_Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!_" Marisa held her now-hatless head, nursing the bruise where Reimu's thrown gohei had struck. "Ow, Reimu, uncalled for! Why can't you let me have a little fun, ze!"

"Thank you." Alice smiled to the shrine maiden.

"My pleasure." Reimu nodded. "Now, you were saying?"

"As I was saying, I felt bad about how I'd jumped to conclusions, and so..." The dollmaker stopped to sip some tea herself. "...I decided to share with them what I knew about the current incident."

Reimu jumped out of her chair, looking at Alice like she was just meeting the magician youkai for the first time, and was seeing human blood all over her. In short, pretty shocked.

"Wait, you know something about what's been going on here?" Reimu demanded. "Well, then, why are we just sitting here, waiting for..."

She motioned to Marisa, who was gleefully kicking one of the soldiers in the side.

"...waiting for _that_ to yield any results?" Reimu finished, suddenly appearing very, very tired.

"Simple. You never asked me." Alice responded, looking rather pleased with herself. "If you like, I can tell you what I told them..." She smiled.

"Yes, please do-"

"But," Alice raised a finger in objection, cutting Reimu off, "on one condition."

* * *

"!"

_**CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!**_

"**C'MERE!**"

Chino landed with a rough thud, managing to avoid yet another gigantic oni fist smashing into the ground where he'd been only seconds before. For somebody who said she wasn't going to kill him, Yuugi certaintly seemed content to put what seemed like a lethal level of force in every swing.

"Oh, enough of this!" Chino yelped, drawing a Spell Card, "Great Bird's- WHOA!"

"**Oh no, ya don't!**" The giant Yuugi bellowed, bringing her foot down on Chino - or would have, if he hadn't dodged once more. "**I'm not lettin' ya invoke the Spell Card rules! You won't learn a thing from this if you don't retain the pain, punk!**"

"Wait, when did this become a learning experience?" Chino screamed, flattening himself against a tree. "I thought the whole point of this was to make sure I stayed away from Utsuho until the incident's resolution?"

"**Everything's a learning experience, kid!**" Yuugi snorted raising her fist. "**This one in particular will teach ya how to avoid tremendous amounts of pain!**"

_That's right... _Chino thought, bracing himself. _Swing now, swing here, don't miss...!_

"**And here's yer first lesson!**" The oni roared, bringing her massive knuckles down towards the small sparrow.

_NOW!_ Chino grunted as he flung himself as far as he could, allowing Yuugi to punch out the tree he'd been in front of...and causing the branches of the overgrown two right next to it to dig into Yuugi's arm. "Good...now if I can just...!"

_**SHING!**_

"...What was that noise?" Chino murmered, looking back to where Yuugi was...still stuck? What was going on? _She shouldn't have been having that much trouble...!_

"**What...nnngh...gives?**" She demanded, yanking backwards. "**My...fist...it's...stuck...? How'd...you freeze **_**me?**_"

Frozen...? Chino peered to where Yuugi's fist was...and saw that, from the middle of the forearm down, she was stuck in an oversized ice formation that stretched across several nearby trees as well. Wait...

Chino looked over to where Yuugi had been sitting when the fight began. Those fairies she had shown him...!

_Frozen as well!_ He looked back towards Yuugi, seeing she was finally yanking her arm free. _That settles it! Somebody is helping me, but who?_

"That...wasn't...bad...guy... " Yuugi panted slightly, snapping her arm forward once and breaking off most of the frozen coat. "But no matter how ya pulled that off, I ain't takin' my eyes offa ya twice!"

Chino winced, seeing the oni in all her imposing stature towering over him. Whoever was helping hold her off, they weren't anywhere to be seen; and given that yuugi had already broken free from that oncer, she was probably better-prepared for...

_**Whirrrr...**_

...For... What was that noise?

_**Whirrrrrrr...**_

He'd heard this sound before...

"Well? Got any other last little tricks up yer sleeve ya wanna try? " Yuugi grunted, stepping forward. "Or can I just get this over with?"

She doesn't hear it...which means it's coming from behind me! Chino couldn't help but smirk a bit at his sudden realization. _Yes, I know this sound! I heard it in the mansion, when I was attacked by...him! That's the sound he kept making before..._

Could it be? Had they somehow came across this place and decided to help him? ...Well, he was en route to the Bamboo Forest, the same way they were going before getting held up, and he had nothing to lose at this point...

"Actually..." Chino began, puffing himself up. "If you don't mind, Yuugi Hoshiyama, I'd like to give one last thing a try. "

"**Gahahahahahaha!**" She reared her head back, guffawing at his resistance. "**I will respect one thing about ya, you do got a serious set of stones.**" She crouched in battle stance, one fist clenched confidently while the other hand still held her sake dish. "**...You know, tell ya what - I'll let ya try this, eh, this one last thing of yours before I beat ya senseless. Sound good? **"

Chino smirked, hearing the sound behind him reaching a single, continuous pitch. A full charge. It didn't matter that she was mocking him; she'd soon come to regret it.

"Perfect."

_**FWOOSH!**_

Chino took to the air, Yuugi blinking a bit in suprise.

"Wait, the heck're you-?"

"RANDA! _FIRE!_"

Yuugi srunted in suprise when a gigantic orb of icy mist exploded from the cover behind Chino, hitting her hard in the middle. Now fairly upset and ready to take back her offer, Yuugi began to step forward...but there was a problem.

Her foot was stuck.

"**H-H-Hey!**" She grunted, struggling to step forward, "**What the heck is this? You weren't the one flinging ice every which way? Is this some kinda joke?**"

"Not hardly!" Chino declared, puffing his chest out proudly. "As you can see quite clearly, I've not only been forgiven, but am being supported!"

He motioned his arms towards the trees, as well as the lone figure who just came out from them.

"Why don't you tell her yourself, Ran..." He blinked twice in shock once he actually looked at who was there. "...da?"

Cirno fluttered in midair, an ice blade in one hand and a palm turned upwards.

"Who're you calling Randa?" Cirno snapped, eyes narrowing. "Who would ever want that wimpy human to help them instead of me?"

_**Whiiirrrr...!**_

_It's...that's... _Chino's eyes widened. Drops of moisture were condensing in the air, before being drawn into Cirno's body, causing a misty aura to rise above her. _That shouldn't be possible...! How is that little fairy using his technique?_

"After all," Cirno grunted, the mist beginning to form a globe bullet above her palm, "_I'm the strongest in Gensokyo!_"

"**YOU-**"

_Fssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhh!_

Yuugi had no chance to finish her statement before Cirno launched her projectile at the oni's face, freezing it entirely in a solid coat of ice. Her three free limbs flailed in rage, smashing through rock, bark and stone for several seconds...before Yuugi went limp.

And there stood Chino, completely baffled at what he had seen.

One of the Four Divas had been stopped cold by a fairy.

"Oi!"

Chino snapped out of his trance upon seeing Cirno right behind him. Thankfully, when he turned towards her, her sword wasn't pointed at his neck, and she didn't look like she was about to beat him senseless. Rather, she looked...intrigued.

"I've been looking for you since you ran off from that stupid mansion." She huffed, looking him square in the eye. "Eye normally wouldn't forgive anybody who made me look like an idiot, but..."

She dismissed her sword, floating a little further from him.

"What you were saying about Randa and that jerk raven..." She folded her arms over her chest, "just what business do you got with them, anyway?"

Chino looked back towards Yuugi for a second.

_...A fairy that could not only learn a unique energy-gathering technique just from seeing it used, but could change its purpose from gathering heat into gathering cold..._ He stroked his chin a bit. _...And to have it down so well that she could stop an oni's ability to function..._

"Oi! Sparrow guy!" Cirno yelled, tapping her foot impatiently. "You just gonna stand there?"

"...That ice won't hold her much longer." Chino finally said, looking back towards Cirno. "Let's talk about this somewhere else."

* * *

Meiling and Sakuya both hung suspended in the air, looking rather displeased in different ways. Sakuya, where she was, drummed her fingers along her thigh in pent-up aggravation, glaring at Meiling. Meiling herself,on the other hand, merely sighed with her head hanging, not daring to face Sakuya.

Why was this happening? Because Meiling had flipped and chased Sakuya into a large net-trap, which had gotten both of them caught. And because this net was made of cables rather that rope, it wouldn't be such an easy matter of cutting their way out of it.

"...Sakuya-san-"

"Say nothing." Sakuya quickly interjected.

"...But..." Meiling insisted, "I'm sorry-"

"I'm sorry your 'but' isn't in position to be impaled repeatedly by my knives." Sakuya snapped, standing as best she could in the tight surroundings. "You had to let the stress get to you. You had to lose your temper on me. You had to charge aimlessly even though you knew full well beforehand that the path ahead would be laden with traps!"

Sakuya gave that last one a moment to sink in, and Meiling held her face in her hands.

"Okay. I will not try to lie." She groaned. "That was really, really poorly thought-out."

"What thought?" Sakuya yelled, fists clenched. "There was not a single ounce of thought to be had, here! All there is to be seen from this is...is...mindless China kung-fu rage!"

Meiling whimpered slightly, but Sakuya looked away.

"No, I will not apologize for insensitively calling you China, because right now you deserve that!" Sakuya huffed. "Honestly, I thought after your performance against Keine, that you were really ready for this, but-"

"It's not all my fault...!" Meiling blubbered, hands clasped together. "Come on, Sakuya-san...! You've been on multiple investigations, this is my first, I'm still learning!"

Sakuya here whipped around, taking Meiling's cheeks in her grip.

"Hong Meiling. Are you, or are you not a practiced master of hand-to-hand combat?"

Meiling nodded.

"Do you not often speak of the level of intensive training and dilligence it requires to maintain the ability gained from such teachings?"

Meiling nodded again.

"Then why on earth are you acting so pathetic?" Sakyua demanded, releasing her face. "Honestly, Hong, I thought if anybody had the talent to handle this kind of situation with ease, above anybody else I know who has never done this, it would be you!"

They sat in silence, Meiling shocked by Sakuya's statement.

"...Y...You really mean that?" The guard swallowed nervously. "E-Even though I so often fall asleep on the job?"

"...Yes. Because, when it matters most, you have always risen to the challenge." Sakuya explained, facing Meiling. "You see, that is why...I recommended to the mistress that she trust you to accompany me."

Meiling stifled a gasp of shock, covering her mouth. Sakuya was the reason why...?

"Sakuya...san...you...?" She fought the urge to cry. "You wanted me to come with you...?"

"...I know I'm going to regret saying this, but..." Sakuya blushed slightly, looking away. "I thought it was only fair...that my friend have a chance to stretch out every once in a while. Maybe if you were treated as being capable, you would show as much on active duty."

_**CRUNCH!**_

"Urk!" Sakuya grunted, being crushed in an instant by a powerful hug from Meiling. "H-Hong...t-too tight...!"

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...! Sakuya-san, you're too good to meeeee!" Meiling sobbed as she crushed the maid in her embrace. "I-I-I'm so sorrrrrrrry! I swear, when we get out of this net, I...I'm going to shape up without a doubt! I swear on my honor!"

Sakuya was about to say something in response, when her well-tuned ears picked up a steadily growing noise in the distance.

"Meiling..." Sakuya said quietly. "Get down."

"What?" Meiling stared in confusion. "There's no room in this net to dance-"

"I mean, duck!" The maid yelled, throwing herself on top of Meiling and avoiding a sudden whipping of razor-sharp wind that cut trough the air above them. Unlike Sakuya's knives, this force didn't back down in the face of abnormally strong cords, the the net was ripped open, allowing the two two tumble out to the ground below. Sakuya flipped in the air, stopping her fall through flight. However, once again... "Meiling, for crying out loud, you can fly!"

"I forgooooooooooooot!" Mei shrieked, bracing herself for another painful impact.

_**Crrtch!**_

"Gotcha!"

However, the only pain Meiling recieved was a sharp tug in her arm when someone in the nearby bamboo caught her hand, keeping her from falling.

"Ah... What?" Meiling hesitantly opened her eyes. "...Huh?"

"That was close..." Her savior pulled her up next to them, smiling kindly. "Even though Sakuya's right, are you okay, Mei?"

"...Ryan-san!" Meiling's face brightened up immediately. This situation had just become a lot more bearable.

* * *

"Well, Lady Byakuren, this has all been very informative!" Yuyuko chuckled, bowing a bit as she floated out the front door. "I know this was all rather unpleasant for you to share with us, so forcing yourself was very much appreciated."

"It's no trouble at all." The holy woman bowed in kind, although much more gracefully than Yuyuko had done. "We should thank youfor volunteering your services to the safety of Youkai and humans alike; I am relieved that someone as powerful as you is on the job."

Meanwhile, collapsed on the floorboards, Nue attempted to claw her way over to the ghost while Nazrin held her back.

"Nooooooooooooooo! Yuyu-samaaaaaaaa!" Nue sobbed, reaching for her. "Take me with you, _take me with yooouuuu!_"

"For crying out loud, you freeloader, you have work to do here!" Nazrin snapped, looking back towards Yuyuko and Youmu. "...Unless you really want her...?"

"...Nope~!" Yuyuko declined cheerfully, turning away. "One servant is enough. Farewell, Myouren Temple~!"

Yuyuko began to float away, leaving behind a sobbing, rejected Nue while Youmu actually made some effort to pay respects.

"I apologize on her behalf, honestly." Youmu insisted. "We hope you'll find some other manner of not going hungry, tonight!"

"Eh, she's not the first glutton we've had." Nazrin winked. "Go on, and don't worry, we aren't about to starve, over here."

"...Thank you, Nazrin; you've been very kind throughout this whole ordeal!" Youmu chirped, now looking much less anxious. "I hope to repay your kindness, someday!"

With that, the gardener hopped down from the steps and quickly dashed off to catch up to her master. Now that they had some new information, it was time they made their way to the original destination: the hidden settlement, Eientei!

"_BOO!_" Kogasa suddenly popped out of nowhere where Youmu had been secondsago, waving her umbrella around. "Bwa-ha-ha! ...Huh?"

"Sorry, Kogasa..." Byakuren offered in pity, "maybe you'll get them next time."

"Awwwww...!"

* * *

"Y'know, Alice, you don't have to do this." Marisa looked behind her as she hopped onto her broom, watching as the dollmaker locked up her home. "Really, I doubt there's anything me and Reimu can't blast our way into or out of."

"No, I insist." Alice stated, testing her door to make sure her locking was successful. "After all, I now have my own interest in seeing this matter resolved. I will not risk allowing anybody who has the gall to attack my home go unpunished."

"Alright, alright, that's fine. Welcome aboard, I guess." Reimu nodded to Alice, a bit glad to have her along. "Although...what's with the doll? You've been working on it since we got here."

Alice looked to the doll in her hand. Half-complete a pair of black wings hung off its back, and a green bow adorned the top of its head.

"...I have a promise to keep, that's all." Alice smiled slightly, beforeraising into the air. "Okay, you two. The Bamboo Forest, let's get moving."

Marisa grumbled a bit, wondering aloud when Alice started giving the orders, but the three of them took to the skies once again, leaving behind the home of the dollmaker in favor of the same place everybody was heading...

* * *

...Or rather, most everyone.

"Okay, so let me get this straight!" Cirno began, flying along next to Chino. "You're turning against the people you were going on and on about how great they were?"

"That's right." Chino confirmed, looking straight ahead. "I can't tell you why, but they have to be stopped. I can't watch as my people as digraced due to poor leadership once again..."

"Yeah, 'again', you've said that before!" Cirno snapped, irritated Chino wasn't looking at her. "What do you mean by that? Has this kind of thing happened before, now it's going on again?"

"Now if I can help it..." Chino declaredlowly, his gaze intensifying. "Ryan and Utsuho seem a safe bet, but all the same, I can't just assume they'll work everything out themselves. I have to do something myself..."

He suddenly pulled out in front of Cirno, stopping her.

"...Look. This is by no means something I normally do, but it has become clear that skill and cunning isn't going to fix this. it's going to take a certain amount of raw power...the kind of power I lack..."

Her moved forward, taking her hands in his own.

"...The kind of power you apparently possess. Fairy or not, you are clearly nothing to sneeze at, Cirno." He looked her straight in the eyes. "I come to you now, Ice Fairy with this request: be my strength. I cannot do this alone; I need someone like you, who has no reason not to turn their back to me, and who has the courage to stare a raging oni in the face and not back down. Please,_ will you help me?_"

Cirno stared at him in kind a few more moments...before her face went red and she yanked her hands away.

"H-Ha! Y-Y-You're so pathetic, you know that?" She turned away from him. "You're right, I don't have reason not to help you, but I've got no reason _to_ help you, either, you know!"

Chino's head sank. It appeared he'd gotten his hopes up too high.

"...But I can't turn down such an earnest request. Y-You wanna keep you're people from looking bad, being disgraced. That's noble, I like that!" She clenched her fists, looking resolved. "...Yeah, okay! And besides, if they've got Mystia, it can't be helped!"

She flew towards him, pointing towards the sky dramatically.

"Alright, Chino-guy! Cirno, they great fairy warrior, is at your service!" She grinned confidently. Chino's eyes widened.

"Y...You mean it? Truly?" She nodded,and Chino couldn't help but laugh in joy, raching forward and shaking her hand. "Oh, thank you, thank you, I promise not to slow you down too much!"

_This is looking even better than before... Now I've power in my own corner!_ He thought to himself. _I'll end this soon...I'm going to save her..._

* * *

**And with that, Tundra Team, our fifth has been formed! Everybody is on their way to Eintei, two of the teams have converged, Alice has resolved to join Reimuand Marisa, Yuyuko and youmu have learned something interesting...and it seems Chino has a private agenda entirely different from everyone else's...**

**Next time, we follow Teams Solar and Devil on their way to Eintei! Moukou shenanigans to be had!  
**

**This is the Magnificent Sasquatch, signing off! Godspeed, readers!**


End file.
